#(and then bam less shit on your list both physically and mentally)

[dredshirtroberts]

taking a break from cleaning because i need to 1) pace myself and 2) spread this out over 2 days so that it doesn't get a chance to get too dirty again before i gotta do final tidying and pickup before the chaos ensues, but i've gotten a surprising amount done for like 20 minutes of clean and 10 minutes of Silly Shit.

[fourplayergame]

An Analysis on Jason Dean

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of othersI’ve wanted to make a post on this ever since I watched the musical + movie a few weeks ago. I want to make a disclaimer before I get into the rest of the post, however: Just because I’m making a point about this obviously horrible person, that does not mean that I believe that people with the disorders that I will be pointing out are bad people. 

The case of Jason Dean is simply me throwing headcanons, and using logic to back these headcanons up. If you don’t agree, then that’s your opinion that you are more than welcome to. 

This post also does not serve to justify his actions in the movie and musical. Jason Dean is a horrible, horrible person. No mental illness or diagnosis can change or justify his actions. 

With that out of the way, I’ll start my analysis under the cut. 

From my research of different disorders, Jason Dean shows very obvious signs and symptoms of two Cluster B personality disorders: Borderline Personality Disorder and Anti-Social Personality Disorder. In this post, I’ll be going in-depth with my reasoning as to why I feel that these two disorders fit Jason Dean as a character... Without including the murders that litter the plot of Heathers. They’re self-explanatory, and I feel that including them would be in bad taste, and there’s plenty of other subtextual things that prove my headcanon without the outright implication of “he murdered three people, that’s more than enough proof he has these disorders.” 

I’ll start with Borderline Personality Disorder. The list of symptoms that I will be using for this post can be found [here]. I’ll be going down the list and pointing canonical facts to support my claims. 

Efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, such as rapidly initiating intimate (physical or emotional) relationships or cutting off communication with someone in anticipation of being abandoned

This one is fairly obvious, considering how he’s very quick to get upset over the idea of Veronica leaving him. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep her from leaving, because he needs her. See his promise to change in Seventeen, as well as his reaction when she breaks up with him after McNamara’s attempted suicide. 

The attempt to bomb the school falls under this, due to his views of the school + student body “taking” her from him, and causing her to abandon him. 

Also, see his warning to Veronica in Freeze Your Brain:

But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls So you’d better start building some walls

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

Four words: Meant To Be Yours. He’s so mood-swingy about Veronica in the song, and it’s one of the things that makes it so amazing to me. He goes from sadness to anger in a split second, and then back again. 

Not to mention the very beginning of the song!

You chucked me out like I was trash, For that you should be dead-- But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash! What if high school went away instead?

It’s also important to note his views of the Heathers and the Jocks: they’re all terrible people who deserved to die. There’s no gray area when it comes to people for him. People are either good or bad, with no in between. 

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

His entire identity, throughout the musical, revolves around Veronica’s love for him.As long as Veronica loves him, he’s... Okay. Ish. 

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating. 

I know that I said that I wouldn’t use the murders to prove my point,  but I feel this is a necessary place to: his decision to kill Heather Chandler is impulsive. A spur of the moment thing, and something that he obviously doesn’t think through very well. He’s very aware of how risky the situation is, yet he continues to not tell Veronica that she grabbed the wrong cup. 

Also in the movie he rides his motorcycle without a helmet. 

Self-harming behavior, such as cutting

The entirety of Freeze Your Brain. 

Also, in Meant to Be Yours:

You left me and I fell apart I punched the wall and cried BAM! BAM! BAM!

Recurring thoughts of suicidal behaviors or threats

Once again, look at Freeze Your Brain and the fact that he??? Literally kills himself at the end. 

When the voice in your head Says your better off dead Don’t open a vein Just freeze your brain!

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

Again, I would like to point you to the  entire end of the musical, where his mood is changing rapidly. Not just in Meant to Be Yours, but also between Dead Girl Walking (Reprise) and Damaged.

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Once Again, see Meant to Be Yours. Also, in general, how he gets incredibly angry over little things throughout the musical. Especially when he points the gun at Veronica, even if it is an accident. 

Difficulty trusting, which is sometimes accompanied by irrational fear of other people’s intentions

Freeze Your Brain’s beginning:

Don’t learn the names Don’t bother with faces

Now, for ASPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, I will be using the symptoms listed [here].

Antisocial personality disorder, sometimes called sociopathy, is a mental condition in which a person consistently shows no regard for right and wrong and ignores the rights and feelings of others. People with antisocial personality disorder tend to antagonize, manipulate or treat others harshly or with callous indifference. They show no guilt or remorse for their behavior.

Individuals with antisocial personality disorder often violate the law, becoming criminals. They may lie, behave violently or impulsively, and have problems with drug and alcohol use. Because of these characteristics, people with this disorder typically can't fulfill responsibilities related to family, work or school.

Disregard for right and wrong.

I feel that this one is fairly obvious. JD doesn’t really care if what he’s doing fits into society’s definition of “right” and “wrong.” He’s doing his own thing, and that’s all that really matters to him. 

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others.

Did you meant: The Entire Musical and Movie? JD consistently lies to Veronica to get her to go along with what he wants to do. He purposefully doesn’t tell her that she grabbed the wrong cup, and also the whole “Ich Luge Bullets” lie. Both to exploit Veronica into helping him achieve his less-than-morally-sound goals. 

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others.

He has no respect for most other people, especially not the authority figures in his life. Veronica is an exception, in some ways. But even then? 

He’s a very callous and cynical person, and for fuck’s sake. He shoots a gun in the house just to piss his dad off. 

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure.

Again, please see literally the entire musical. The Ich Luge Bullets scene comes to mind again, as well as his manipulation of Heather Duke to get those signatures for the note. He’s a manipulative person who’ll go to the extreme to accomplish what he wants. 

Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated.

“Our Love is God.” JD has a severe God Complex, labeling himself as the Judge, Jury, and Executioner of all those who had done terrible things at Westerburg. 

His opinions are really all that matters to him, and let’s take a look at the movie for a lovely example. In the scene where he takes Veronica away from the pasture? When he’s pissed about her spending time with another Heather? 

“Sorry, I’m feeling a little superior tonight.” Followed by the iconic: “Our love is God, let’s go get a Slushie.” quote. 

Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior.

Ignoring the murders? There’s still the fights that he gets into. 

Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty.

Meant to Be Yours. Just, the entirety of Meant to Be Yours. He’s intimidating Veronica because he wants her back, not caring about how she feels about the situation. He’ll do anything to get her back, because she makes him feel loved. It’s not really about how much he loves her-- He loves the fact that she loved him. And he wants that back. 

Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead.

Admittedly, this entirely describes Musical JD. Movie JD is quite the opposite, however. 

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence.

JD is snappy and violent throughout the entire musical. The scene where he pulls out the gun to shoot the TV? And then points it at Veronica by “accident” when she breaks up with him? 

He’s a very irritable and aggressive person, especially if he doesn’t get what he wants. Not to mention, again, violence. 

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others.

He doesn’t show any remorse after the murders. At all. He doesn’t show any legitimate remorse throughout the musical. Not even in “I am Damaged.” He’s simply parroting the things that Veronica had said during Seventeen, proving his feeling that he deserves to die over her. 

Though I suppose the entirety of “I Am Damaged” proves BPD, more than anything. 

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others.

I don’t think that there’s any canon evidence for this, but I can still see it. 

Poor or abusive relationships.

His relationship with his dad! His relationship with Veronica! 

How can anyone look at JDRonica and say that it isn’t toxic as shit? Because it is. Sorry guys, I love the ship? But it’s toxic as fuck, and I really wish that people would portray it as such. 

JD isn’t good for Veronica. Their relationship is toxic and unhealthy. 

Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them.

Seventeen happens, and then what does JD do after the Shine a Light incident? He suggests killed Heather Duke. He learned nothing from what he and Veronica talked about during the song. 

He thinks that Veronica will still love him, even though she made it clear that he needs to stop. Thus she breaks up with him, because he doesn’t know right from wrong. He doesn’t consider that his actions have consequences, and he oversteps the very clear boundary that was set in Seventeen. 

To conclude? JD is mentally ill and unstable as fuck, and needed serious help that he didn’t get. Things could have ended better if he had gotten the help that he needed, but he didn’t. And so everything went to shit. 

Please stop ignoring how unstable he is just for your “Cute” and “pure” ship. Learn to actually look at a character, instead of turning them into something that they’re not. 

[krumpwrites]

MHAM Post #11: Corinne

This piece is written by someone that I’ve known during many stages of her life. Corinne has been a friend that I can honestly say I have grown with. I have known her since high school, and together we have experienced all of the ups and downs that come with your teens and 20s.

My favorite thing about our friendship, is that I can honestly say I’ve watched her learn and grow into herself over the years. She has become such a mature, self-aware person and it shows in her writing. 

I liked that, in a sense, her story contrasts the previous story, with regards to her opinions on medication. She also touches on her experience with therapy, and other coping mechanisms shes learned over the years. 

Read her experience here: 

It was my senior year of college. I came back to school after a summer that felt like an eternity of missing “The Promised Land” and mourning the breakup of a college relationship that, for some reason, shook me more than I ever imagined a short-lived relationship could. Going back to JMU after being at home for the summer was the best feeling in the whole world (I know all my Dookz can agree). It was then, upon the return to my favorite place, that I started experiencing what I would soon learn was my anxiety, something I would carry with me for the rest of my life.

I remember exactly what I was doing the first time I felt this then unfamiliar feeling, which I now know to be a panic attack. I was walking into the library, up to the front desk to check out a laptop. As I approached the front desk, I felt my heart begin to race. I became increasingly hot. The floor felt like it was moving below me, and I experienced an out-of-body feeling that I had never experienced before, for what seemed like no reason. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. I felt like I needed to escape as soon as humanly possible, like I was in danger or something.  I thought it was weird, but ultimately I brushed it off.

It wasn’t until these feelings started to appear, not just in the library, but also on the bus going to class, while giving presentations, and while doing seemingly “relaxing” activities, like eating with my friends in the dining hall, that I started to become worried about what was happening to my body. (Side note: all of these were place I had previously THRIVED...I mean I AM a Leo SO you know…).

Krump was actually the first person who told me that what I was experiencing sounded like anxiety. I’ll never forget laying in my bed in Forest Hills googling “symptoms of anxiety” on WebMD, a website that, once I actually learned I had anxiety, I’d never visit ever again (hello hypochondria). I remember thinking, “holy shit, this is it, this is all of what I have been feeling”. And then I felt scared. What does this mean? Why do I feel this way? How do I make it stop?

Luckily in college, you’re surrounded by friends and LOTS of booze. So much so, that admitting to my roommate that the only time I didn’t feel anxious was when I was drunk, felt so casual to me. That fact didn’t actually scare me until I was out of college, and drinking until you can’t feel anything isn’t really a normal life coping method anymore.

Fast forward almost 5 years later and here I am, still learning new things about my anxiety and what comes along with it every single day. Sometimes I think I have it totally under control. I think that the 5th antidepressant/antianxiety medication I have tried and now take religiously, the seemingly healthy food I am putting into my body, the chamomile tea I drink both at night and during the day (I almost threw a fit when someone at work wanted to get rid of the sleepy time tea because “who needs that during work”.. umm hello anxious people do!), the 9 PM grandma bedtimes, my Himalayan salt lamp, my adult coloring book, my lavender candle, and the meditation, have somehow made my anxiety disappear. But then, BAM, I’m hit with a brain zap that comes with an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, fear, worry and my least favorite, the out-of-body feeling I referenced earlier.

That’s the sneaky thing about anxiety though…just when you think you have it under control, it’s there hiding in the darkness, just waiting to come out. It appears when I am at brunch, laughing and enjoying time with my friends. It appears when I am driving down the highway. It appears when I am alone at night. It appears when I am grocery shopping. It appears when I am watching TV. It appears at times I can’t always explain.

Now let’s get to the positive side of things! I have spent a lot of time thinking about the differences between the ways that I used to cope with my anxiety versus how I cope with it now, and I feel like I can finally pat myself on the back. The people closest to me always say I never give myself enough credit, so here I am. I’m working on it! For starters, less than a year ago, I also was petrified of medication. I had some of the worst days of my life while on antidepressants that were pushed on me in the past, and I didn’t think medicine was the answer for me. Turns out, once you find a doctor who truly listens to you and genuinely cares about your well-being, this can change. I take my anxiety medication two times a day, and I can genuinely say it has changed my life for the better. Of course, I still have my moments where my anxiety creeps up on me like I described before, and it still happens way more often than the average person, but believe it or not, the number of these instances have decreased significantly. I can actually breathe again.

Less than a year ago, I was constantly looking for life situations to blame my anxiety on and so did my ex-therapist.  She taught me to search for answers or reasons as to why I felt this way. Like maybe it was just my post-grad anxiety/depression (my doctor said she saw so many people for this, so it must be true right!?). Maybe it was the toxic two-year relationship I was in. Or maybe it was the aftermath of the breakup of that toxic relationship. Or maybe it was the fact that my physical health is all sorts of fucked up and that carries so many unknowns. Or maybe it’s because I was transitioning jobs, or my work environment wasn’t good... this list could go on forever. Telling her about an experience I had with sexual assault was like a goldmine for her, because she was convinced she had found the answer to all of my anxieties. In reality, this wasn’t the case at all (hence the “ex” in ex-therapist). She made me feel like anxiety was something you could “fix” but it’s not. It’s actually quite the opposite. While, of course, the experiences I shared with her do play a part in the state of my mental health, even when I can’t recognize it, addressing those experiences doesn’t mean they, or my anxieties as a result of those experiences, suddenly go away. I now know that my anxiety has always been with me, it just chose the year 2012 to come out in full force.

And finally after all this thinking (it’s what us anxious people do best right!?), the #1 thing my journey has taught me, is that despite anxiety being a part of me, I am not “anxious all day every day for no apparent reason at all” like I used to believe I was. In the past, I was convinced that every ounce of my body felt anxious at every second of every day. I used to only noticed the times when I wasn’t anxious, in the same way people who don’t have generalized anxiety disorder only notice the times that they are anxious.

Since then, I have grown to learn how my past and present experiences have shaped me as a person, and how they have shaped my anxiety. I have learned what many of my triggers are, and how to talk myself off the ledge when I feel myself ramping up. I have switched from having the mindset of blaming my anxiety, to accepting it. My anxiety will always be part of me. There will always be time when it hits me and I can’t explain it. And it will never be “fixed”, but I know one thing is for sure, my anxiety does not define me and yours does not define you either.

**Disclaimer: I still think that therapy is one of the best things a person can do for their mental health, despite my personal experiences thus far. I know my prefect therapist is out there somewhere, just gotta find him or her!