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docfuture · 7 years

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Sparring Match, Part 3

[This story tried really hard to expand to novella or novel length, but I’m already in the middle of one of those 8-). It takes place between Chapter 30 and Chapter 32 of The Maker’s Ark. The most recent regular chapter is here, links to my other work here. Planning a return to Maker’s Ark in two weeks, but might end up with another short work instead. There will be other stories involving Jumping Spider and Breakpoint at some point. I plan to put up a progress update regardless.]

Previous: Part 2

"The Seer's Madness, eh?" said Jumping Spider. "That fits with a lot of the little clues I've been picking up, and one big one. Interesting that it's common enough in the Nine Worlds that they came up with a generic term for it. I thought Seers were rare." Yiskah smiled grimly. "They're rare because the 'Madness' is common, chronic, and often lethal. Suicide is by far the most frequent cause of death. And that's for adult extradimensional beings who have already made it over some pretty severe hurdles. I know from personal experience that staying alive and sane through childhood and adolescence as a human with any kind of extrasensory ability is very hard. Neither of the two previous controllers of this body managed it." "I see." Jumping Spider leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee. "But 'Seer's Madness' is a description based on symptoms, not a diagnosis. By itself, it tells you nothing useful about causes or cures. Osk knew someone named Hrothgar who had powers similar to Breakpoint. Loss of self, and their struggles against it, seemed to be key issues for them both. So he's listening to her." "Well, I've known that Breakpoint's danger sense was protecting his self-identity, not just his life, for a while. And it might trigger if you tried to help him. But he's in more trouble than I thought if he'd rather die than let you do that mind probe. Are you sure that's really what's going on?" "No," said Yiskah. "His self-identity and life are so intertwined, there's no safe way for me check. That's why I agreed to let Osk handle him. I wouldn't try mind alteration without a damned good reason. But my good reasons and his might not match. If he lost self-control and lashed out using his weakness detection while I was inside his mind, I'd probably be hurt, but survive--but it would trigger my mind trap, and kill him. That could be what his danger sense is picking up." Jumping Spider stared at her coffee cup. "And he can't tell. And even if he's on track to die without help, he'd rather die as who he is now than lose his identity too." "Yes. But Osk thinks she can get him to the point where he will accept help--your help, if not mine." "Yeah. Problem with that. I'm not a nurturing type. I mess with minds, I don't heal them." "Neither do I. I did what I could. Telepathy can help a lot with diagnosis--if it's a problem I understand. And I have some experience. But there's no manual for telepathic treatment of mental disorders, and even if there were, what he did wouldn't be in it." Yiskah spread her hands. "Everyone thinks of me as the 'mind healer' because I brought Doc out of his coma. I got him from 'dying' to 'not dying'. I did not heal him--what healing he's done has been on his own. And best not get me started on trying to find an ethical way to practice mind surgery." Jumping Spider looked up and smiled. "Oh, someday I'd like to. But not today. So. Where do you want me to start our story?" "From when you first started working together, but focus on the personal and emotional, and differences between Breakpoint's reactions and what you expected. Anything you found surprising is a potential clue to helping him." "All right." She set down her cup, put her hands behind her head and looked thoughtful. "I've worked with quite a few people over the years, but I've never had a regular partner for field work. I got a heads up that Breakpoint was interested and a skimpy dossier from Doc a few years back. I did a little digging of my own. Two things stood out. "The IC agencies didn't have anything on Breakpoint's personal background. They assumed the synthetic ID Doc gave him was fake, but you can usually get some indirect stuff. But the nothing they had told me Breakpoint was good at deep cover. It piqued my interest. The other thing I found was that he was really good at adjusting to new surroundings and making surface contacts, but he never cultivated anything long-term. He always moved around." "Did that make you suspicious?" asked Yiskah. "A bit. I double-checked my alien under-cover agent theory after the good impression he made at our first meeting, but it didn't hold up. He's human, and after a bit of oblique questioning, I had an answer to his secrecy and his desire to be my partner. Not a complete one, but enough." "Oh?" "After the initial shine of being a superhero wore off, he did some hard thinking about root causes and how he could best apply his abilities. And he didn't trust the end of the Lost Years. He observed that it didn't matter that his power wasn't genetic--if the wrong people decided to find out if it was. I knew what that meant. He still had living family. And he might be dead to them, but he was never ever going to let anyone know who or where they were. So they didn't end up dead, period." "Did he know about your part in the demise of the Superagent program?" "He guessed. 'Professionally done, no useful clues, never solved, world is a better place now' has been circumstantial evidence pointing to me for a while now. I got a hint at a bit of well-hidden PTSD, and an obvious subtext that if any nation-state or organization started going after families again--of anyone, hero or villain--he'd be more than willing to help me take them out." "So you accepted him then?" "Oh, hell no. That just meant I didn't reject him automatically. There are good reasons I usually work alone, so I put him through the wringer first. I figured the most likely difficulties would be either the frequent lack of closure that comes with the territory, or him turning into Overprotective Man trying to cover me with his danger sense. Neither of those turned out to be a problem." Jumping Spider took another sip of coffee. "Then there were the potential coordination and psychological issues caused by my personal style. He surprised me there. He's good at picking up on cues and following my lead as needed, and it took me quite a while to find any way to fluster him or make him angry--and I'm very good at that." "I'm sure he researched you." "I can research, too. But about the only thing that seemed to bother him was calling his mental tricks 'Zen'; he said it was inaccurate and somewhat disrespectful, even if no one else was ever likely to say so. He was quite willing to lecture me on the finer points of the distinction for longer than I ever managed to keep listening. I stopped trying to wind him up that way after he changed tacks once, waited for me to notice, and got me with 'That was Zen; this is Tao.'" "Heh." "That was typical of how he handled my tests--deflection, humor, or turning them into a mutual game. I eventually took him on a trial mission and everything went fine. He was also right about just how much time his danger sense could save me. Infiltration and setup got way quicker with his help." "When did the personal attraction start?" "The physical attraction was pretty quick. I wanted to see how he handled frustration, so I told him I was going to push a few things as part of testing him. And that 'I'll tell you if you start to bother me' wasn't good enough--he needed to be clear about any boundaries that were important to him." "And was he?" "Technically, yes. I hit my own boundaries first. That's when I said the hell with it and called him good enough, even though I still had a few reservations." "Such as?" "You know how Doc won't take personal time? He knows it's important, but he's bad at it, thinks other things are more important, and won't listen when you try to tell him otherwise? And acts like he's trying to work off bad karma from destroying the world in a past life?" "Too well." Jumping Spider frowned. "Breakpoint is socially perceptive and skilled--but social connections are for work and cover. He won't take personal time because he doesn't think it's important for him. Which makes him sound like a sociopath, but he's not. He knows it's important for other people, he's considerate, and he listens. Which doesn't fit." "It fits with how most people see The Volunteer. And Breakpoint used that image as his model. But the Volunteer is asexual, and Breakpoint isn't." Jumping Spider snorted. "Damned right he isn't. Which made it interesting that I had so much trouble reading him. It set off a few alarm bells. But he was an excellent partner. Then things started getting personal for me." "Was there a specific trigger?" "Oh yeah. I needed some time off after a long mission. Beach time in the Med. I knew he needed time too, he'd gotten hit by several big false alarms while we were together." "Do you know what caused them?" "One was Flicker; I'm not sure about the others. I asked him how he was going to unwind, and he gave me some BS about putting in some martial arts practice time. I told him that wasn't healthy; he should come with me. He pointed out we needed a cover. So I told him we'd be NIA agents, a married couple on our anniversary, with secondary cover as contractors." Jumping Spider snapped her fingers. "And like that, I had a Stepford husband." Yiskah considered what she was picking up from her mind scan. "That has a lot of implications. Could you give an example?" "Sure. We attracted a fair amount of attention--that's why we needed a cover if we were going to relax--and I lost count of the number of times strangers told me how lucky I was, or, more often, how lucky we were. And then came the boots." "The boots?" Jumping spider nodded to where her jump boots were leaning against the wall. "Boots matter a lot to me. I need both ankle and knee support for safe landings. That's why I wear thigh-highs. I'd been thinking of changing my look for a while, and I saw a nice pair in a shop with a design that might be compatible with the right kind of reinforcement, so I bought them to see if they were comfortable enough to wear for very long." She laughed. "They weren't. I ended up back at the hotel with sore feet. Breakpoint helped me take the boots off. Then started to rub my feet. I told him he didn't have to do that. And do you know what he said?" "What?" "'Your husband would rub your feet.'" Vivid imagery went with that memory. "Ah," said Yiskah. "It wasn't--" "That wasn't cover." Jumping Spider smiled. "Cover was his excuse. And then he rubbed my feet--using his power." "Was that as good as--" "Better." "Oh." "When he finally finished, I didn't say anything or move for a little bit. Then I told him that my husband would also make love to me. And I very much wanted him to." Jumping Spider sighed. "And his danger sense went off." "How did he handle it? He mentioned to me that you were frustrated." "He handled it with good humor, and I was fine--I was more frustrated after our second try. And it wasn't just sexual frustration, it was intel analysis frustration. I couldn't figure out what it meant, and he didn't know." "And you're expert at extracting information from sexual reactions." "Yep. They're like a canary in a coal mine for a lot of things people try to hide. But his trigger wouldn't be warning away from starting a relationship--we already had one. I didn't think it was a specific sexual problem of his, but I couldn't completely rule it out until you did. But the real puzzler was why his danger sense didn't go off before he started to rub my feet--it was inevitable I was going to ask at that point." Yiskah leaned back. "It's possible it was an early warning to you, precisely because it was your expertise. He's good at extracting signal from the noise of his danger sense, but it's limited for long-term dangers. He triggers off some boundaries because they're the only obvious point for a warning." "Yeah. We talked about that. It can work like a warning sign at the top of a ridge. It's not because the ridge is dangerous; it's for something on the other side. The ridge is just the easiest place to see the sign." Jumping Spider waved a hand. "But he couldn't read the sign. And neither could I. He said he'd work on it, so I was willing to wait. Then." Yiskah frowned. "He was reluctant to reveal he can see signs like that at all. And he downplayed how much the false alarms and noise wear at him. Flicker seems to be a frequent source, and he doesn't want her to know. Is that why he resisted coming here?" "Unless she was gone or busy, yes. All her Database snooping didn't help, either. Neither of us know exactly why his danger sense warns him away from her--there are so many possible good reasons. But Breakpoint wanted to keep a connection, and stay on good terms with her, no matter what. Two words paid for it all, he said. I was there when he yanked out his phone, hit the emergency call, and said them, so I can't argue." "What were they?" "'Earthquake. Japan.'" "Ah." "So he definitely didn't want Flicker to find out how badly he got wrecked during her battle with the Xelian fleet." "That was a difficult time for many of us," said Yiskah dryly. Jumping Spider shook her head. "Most of it didn't faze him. Not the Volunteer, not the bombardment starting, not Flicker setting the sky on fire with her rocks. But for about five minutes in the middle, she started ending the world, at least for him. Over and over. Every few seconds. Breakpoint could feel it coming every time, and he lost it. Started babbling, and was completely helpless. We were on stakeout together, waiting to catch that assassin, and I had to hold him--I was worried he might hurt himself." "I got only a hint from my mind scan, of something he was hiding well." "He doesn't remember most of it. Post-traumatic amnesia. He didn't even remember the big power transformer next door blowing up, and we were about thirty feet away--pieces of it came flying through the window. The only part he does remember is the end, when he was crying and babbling how the world kept ending, but only he could hear the echoes. And everything was dangerous, because everyone was dying anyway, so he was useless. I just held him and made soothing noises. Then, a little bit after everything else stopped, so did he. He got this stricken look of embarrassment, pulled himself together, and said he was okay. I took a little convincing." "Understandable." "Turns out his babbling was triggering him, too, but he couldn't tell until afterwards because he was overloaded. He was lying when he said he was okay, but he got his act together, said I'd kept him alive, and he was ready. We had to move--the transformer blowing meant our spot wasn't inconspicuous anymore. But his danger sense was working again, and we caught the fellow with the virus sprayer just before he got to Donner. You know the rest of that story." "And there was no way you were going to let things go after that." "No. Besides whatever that cost him, Breakpoint had at least one long term problem he didn't understand, we'd already had a clear warning, and he could no longer pretend--to me--that his danger sense would necessarily protect him. He needed help. My problem was arranging the logistics without setting him off. Can I just say that trying to get someone with danger sense to stop stalling is a royal pain?" "Yes." Yiskah smiled. "You managed, though." "But you can't help him." "I've already helped him--I just can't directly fix his problems. But I don't trigger his danger sense for boundary crossings, because of my mind trap. I have to do something specific. That's what let me find out what I did, bring in Osk, and get him to the point he was willing to listen. He'd never have trusted her enough, otherwise. You still don't." Jumping Spider smiled. "I'm still alive because I'm a nasty, suspicious person. Flicker's Choosers are old, smart survivors. I don't forget who they worked for and with, and for how long--and how much Flicker, DASI, and you don't know about their history." "She hasn't set off Breakpoint's danger sense, and she's not even trying to evade it." "Oh, I believe she'll help him if she can. That's not the same thing as trusting her." "Fair enough. But I need to update her. Are you okay with that?" A half-smile. "To help him? I said I was. Go ahead." "Done," Yiskah said, after a short bit of mental communing. "And now we wait." ***** Jumping Spider waved at the display. They'd been talking for about an hour. "No, it was easy to see why she needed to be at least two people. DASI and Black Swan. Good Cop and Bad Cop. Omnipresent but trustworthy, if mostly invisible and incomprehensible, versus performance personified, scary and dangerous. The 'parking ticket' plan worries me, though." "Why?" said Yiskah. "Because of how it will be perceived by authoritarian regimes. I think she's trying to get someone to make a mistake, probably Russia, but they aren't stupid enough to try to nuke her without a lot more provocation that she's given so far." "If you accepted Stella's offer, you'd know." "A human director of EDU Intelligence would be mostly a figurehead. And it's a desk job. Hell no. Not unless my knees go, and I can probably talk Doc into building me new ones if they do. I'm more useful--" "Hang on. Update from Osk." ***** Breakpoint had changed back into his coverall and carried his crowbar. He also wore a pack; he was clearly planning a trip. Osk had accompanied him, then left to give them privacy. "It's no quick fix, but I didn't expect one, and there's no point in delaying anymore," he said. "I've done too much of that already." He nodded to Jumping Spider, who snorted. "We got here," she said. "Thanks to you. But I owe you both a full explanation first." "I'm a bit curious about why you think Osk knows enough to guide you through this." He nodded. "Putting minds together from pieces that don't always fit is part of what Choosers do. That's where einherjar came from. It's tricky, but Osk is good at it. Some other Choosers weren't as good--and their einherjar struggled. Osk has been helping those for more than a hundred years. The key is to take things slowly. My first step is a trip to the Nine Worlds." "Where will you go?" asked Yiskah. "A place called Ending Falls, to start." "Ominous name," said Jumping Spider. "It's called Beginning Falls, too," he said. "The name for it means both. The stream from Flicker's pool joins several others, and the Falls are where it meets the sea." Yiskah frowned. "I think Journeyman once got into trouble there." "Osk mentioned that. It dispels illusions and concealment--and someone saw him. But it won't directly harm a human, and it weakens the hold of obsessions and false visions. It's a traditional first stop for beings with power who have screwed something up and are trying to start fresh. And it helps with the Seer's Madness. Lif uses it." "Sounds reasonable," said Yiskah. "Then what?" "I can't work continuously on what I need to do. I'll need to recover after each incremental change. And what I do during the recovery time is pretty important. I'm going to work with Osk to help out in the Nine Worlds. There are a lot of places that are filled with the magical equivalent of old landmines and unexploded bombs. And people live in them. They farm in them. Do you know how dangerous it is to be a farmer there? And they look out for each other, but my danger sense could be a big help. And there are these things called void worms that--" "You miss helping people," said Jumping Spider. "Yes," he said. "Helping them, and not having to worry afterwards." "Ah. Occupational therapy." "Sort of. DASI says the sessions with Osk sound more like cognitive behavioral therapy for seers. I'll be gone for a week or two, and probably make regular trips for a while after that. We'll see how things go." He paused. "Do you think you'll be working here when I get back?" Jumping Spider met his eyes. "Depends. Plenty I want to learn about, but times are changing fast. Might need to move in a hurry. But you have my number. Call." "Do you still--" "Yes." "Ah, there's more than one--" "Still yes. I pushed you because you needed the push and I could not fool you. Not because I wanted you gone." Another pause. "I don't--" "How many times do I have to say yes before you'll listen?" Breakpoint looked down and swallowed. "The Falls will help. I'm not better yet--but I believe better is possible now. That's a big change already. Thank you." He looked up again, at Yiskah. "And thank you for finding the right way to trick me." Yiskah smiled. "Would that my other work were half as pleasant." "Now. Osk said this would help but it had to be my initiative. My choice." He took a deep breath. "Two truths. Not so much what I've been hiding, but why. You've both already picked up that my fear reactions aren't quite normal." "Yes," said Yiskah. "I assumed you changed them as part of your reshaping, to better adapt to your danger sense. Which seemed a bit risky. But the whole thing was risky." "It was. But I didn't have a lot of choice. I didn't start studying martial arts and meditation just because I thought they were cool. And I didn't pick the Volunteer as a role model just because he was a hero. Here's a riddle for you: How do you tell the difference between danger sense with a lot of false positives and panic disorder?" "Oh. Shit." "Yeah. I don't know how bad my anxiety would have been without my danger sense, but it doesn't really matter. With it, I had a severe problem. I didn't even have the luxury of being able to tell myself that it was all in my mind. Because some of it wasn't. I was afraid all the time. Either I was triggered, trying to tell if it was for something real, or worrying about the next trigger." "Ouch." "And I quickly discovered that every medication available made it worse--because they damped my ability to distinguish true signals more than they helped with the false." "Is that the full reason it's dangerous for you to drink alcohol?" asked Jumping Spider. "Yep." Another deep breath. "And now you probably have enough information to track down my family through medical records." "There was a classic fear spike," said Yiskah. "Not associated with danger, though." "An old friend. Going to have to let some of them back out as I adjust." He turned to Jumping Spider. "And some of them will probably be about you. That happened for family and anyone I got close to. And even the true triggers... well, for someone else, I often got nothing but the spike. I couldn't tell whether they were about to be hit by a car or their dog was about to spill their drink by wagging its tail." Jumping Spider smiled. "DANGERINT has always been noisy. Still beats most SIGINT. I'll deal like I always have. And minor dangers for me are rare--they get crowded out by the competition." "I know," he said softly. "That's one reason I picked you. I couldn't tell you the full story because I'd never have passed your tests if I had." "Whoops. Sorry about that. Paranoia is a bitch sometimes, even if there are people out to get you. Doesn't matter now." Breakpoint closed his eyes and took another breath. "You do too deserve her," said Yiskah. "And she deserves you." "I was getting there," he said. "I know. But breaking negative ideation loops is something I can help with, when you aren't trying to hide them." "But you won't always--" "Be on Earth after you get back? Not always, but often. Distance isn't an obstacle to telepathy, and you have my number, too." She smiled. "Call." "All right. I better go." Jumping Spider stepped forward and gave him a long hug. "Don't kill any dragons I wouldn't." "I won't. You take care." Breakpoint finally stepped back and raised his crowbar in a salute. "Thank you again, Yiskah, for one hell of a sparring match." "My pleasure," said Yiskah. He smiled at that, then turned and went out the door.

#FallofDocFuture #FallMisc #Maker's Ark

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