#(ironically this division also perfectly matches the characters which factions tend to love)

[katyspersonal]

Okay okay I will stop talking about it I promise, but it is hard to explain how much strain, weight, fear and stress I've been under over one particular problem for a few months, and how strange the means of my liberation from it were. I've spent the whole week, or even more, crying, and I've fallen into extreme self-doubts and guilt. This time it was too much to bear and I wondered if I was in the wrong after all.

But like.. just very specific words and attitude removed ALL of that weight in a flash. Not only I felt much easier and free, but also I saw with my very eyes that I WAS right, I WAS in the right place and DID the right thing. I can't describe this. I knew that I would feel better and move on if I open my heart, but I didn't know in which way. Like.. imagine grabbing a saint (affectionate) from the local church (derogatory) trying to speak and getting "Oh wait no you haven't sinned, we just don't want heretics walking near our pure place 👍". It is like, disappointment and loss of all self-doubts that escalated for months, but also relief from fear and perceived hatred that kept sipping my HPs like a permanent status effect. And confidence in my purpose. I feel like I just can't share about it in a way that makes sense, but I experience genuine relief from pain and self-doubts so rarely that I can't keep it inside. It was a quick hurt to heal the permanenthurt, you know, kinda like how fixing a broken shoulder requires wild pain but it's quick? This was the biggest HUMANITY RESTORED moment I've had in a long while.