#(sidenote idk what the fuck is going on but i kinda care about betty and jughead?????? in s4 ??? super weird.

[unhingedreviews]

Carmilla the Youtube show

The sun is shining, it is 5:52pm and I have decided that nothing will happen this evening except the completion of this show so I have pot noodles and a fiery desire to forget reality so let's goooo

1 E20 "Sock Puppets and European History"

Flashback material with sock puppets jesus

Carmella's sock puppet is like the Potter Puppet Pals Voldemort

Ma'am I'm fairly sure that in the original text you do definitely eat those girls but I get that you can't be the bad guy in this Canonically Queer Vampires Are Great retelling

Carmilla became a Hozier song yo

Her mother is the dean, right

KNEW IT

S1 E21 "Strategic Planning"

Carmilla slurping blood and watching Twilight is a mood

Carmilla | S1 E22 "Afterbite"

Tbh the mother in the book is a huge Question Mark and maybe I missed it because I read most of the book in sub zero temperatures but she orchestrated Carmilla's friendships, right? So she was either also a vampire or a very dedicated servant

Oh god just kiss already

S1 E23 "We Need To Talk About Carmilla"

I'm with her as ethics as an attempt to impose order

Carmilla | S1 E24 "Breaking Up (With An Amazon) Is Hard To Do"

It really bugs me that you can't tell what season it is from the clothes they're wearing

This is nearing Carry On Film levels but caring about someone =/= it's your job to keep them safe is in fact a salient observation

S1 E25 "Basic Parasitology"

'Nobody likes theatre students' ahahah

I take back the comments about the good lines, 'holy crapsticks' should be an illegal phrase

S1 E26 "The Standard Issue"

'I don't want to be Susan anymore' okay why do the good emotional lines always follow the shit ones

'I've been marked for death by a vampire cabal and you are fighting with your best friend.' Potato tomato

S1 E27 "Required Reading"

The library ATE someone that is the way to go

Okay what if people are watching these videos are they just assuming it's a prank

Carmilla. Wear pyjamas. Those jeans are not comfortable for sleeping. also. Carmilla in pyjamas

S1 E28 "Blame Enough For All"

GET YOUR SHOES OFF THE BED

and seriously why are you live broadcasting this shit

Did Laura just fall asleep flat on her face

S1 E29 "PTSD & Brownies"

I too clean when anxious, although you would not know this to survey the current state of my living quarters

The curly haired girl vacuumed AROUND Carmilla who didn't wake up what

Sidenote: either someone in the next door house is putting up a shelf or having sex I'll update you

Oh it's stopped almost straight away

So presumably...

S1 E30 "Monsters, Lies & Videotapes"

LaFontaine is pragmatic in a crisis, I appreciate that

S1 E31 "Of Hearts And Holy Hand Grenades"

So Laura got bit and still nothing's happened except cat dreams? I had a cat dream the other day. Do I have cute goth roommates? No.

I'm with the redhead, even I do my homework when the world is ending

Laura you put on a random necklace you'd never seen before having spent half a semester badly battling the forces of evil COME ON

S1 E31 "Of Hearts And Holy Hand Grenades"

I'm with the redhead, even I do my homework when the world is ending

Laura you put on a random necklace you'd never seen before having spent half a semester badly battling the forces of evil COME ON

S1 E31 "Of Hearts And Holy Hand Grenades"

Got distracted by some weather idk Carmilla's mother is around?

S1 E33 "Pep Rally"

'There is a whole campus full of people out there' and none of them want to get involved mate have you met students

Oh I was right

S1 E33 Do Not Go Into The Light

I don't know what flunking out is but it sounds American for 'was shit at uni and the uni told me to fuck off'

S1 E35 "Heroic Vampire Bull****"

Are these people being cute gross

Why does my university have a heel dancing club but not an alchemy club

'When the chips are down you're kinda like a bro' that is friendship right there

S1 E36 "Life Goes On"

Betty is me. entirely.

LaFontaine is dating a computer ghost of course they are

If Carmilla is vampire why'd Laura hold up her head when feeding her blood if she doesn't breathe can she choke??

okay yeah that was cute

'I was using the ancient book as a bathmat' fair

THOUGHTS OF A VERY TIRED, HIGHLY STRUNG VIEWER

I'd rather flatshare with Carmilla than most of my current household because at least she's pleasant to look at when she doesn't clean up after herself. and also is a goth lesbian I GUESS. also top stuff making a TV show using one camera angle and an extremely old Sapphic vampire story as your source material, that was a gamble and I appreciate it

[lesbiandarvey]

also. im on end of s4 riverdale and theyre not really doing barchie are they. like legit im not gonna have to watch the jughead veronica betty archie screaming match over betty and archie getting together am i

[lostinafictionaluniverse]

Riverdale 1x12 thoughts

It took days for me to finish this, I wondered if I would in time, so I rushed it somewhat towards the end. Under the cut, so as not to clutter up your dash

So the episode of the big reveal finally! It did feel deflating to me, so many of the theories I’d read (and come up with) seemed more shocking and chilling than this.

But moving on -

When Archie and Ronnie first tell Betty about not finding the gun in FPs trailer, she’s not so quick to believe them. Perhaps she’s afraid to hope? Just like Juggie? Eventually she comes around. It’s telling how Archie is the only one who wants to go to their parents with this piece of information. It speaks volumes about the trust he shares with Fred. The other two are reluctant and understandably so. I wonder if that trust between Archie and Fred will take a beating in the finale? With some of Fred’s secrets revealed?

Anyway, the adults react predictably. Fred nodding at what Mary was saying before she even got to her point was hilarious.

Betty and Archie deciding to go together to look for their best friend/ boyfriend was a sweet throwback to the pilot and them being BFFs and constantly texting each other. I like Archie much better when he’s being a friend than a boyfriend.

The scene at the bus-stop was a heart-breaker. Gladys, idk what your reasons are, but when your boy calls you in the middle of the night saying in that broken voice that he wants to come visit, you fucking let him! Idk how long it’s been since Gladys left FP and Juggie left home though. It must’ve been a while since he saw them? Did he never used to visit his grandparents when he was younger? What really went down when Gladys left FP? What made Juggie decide to stay? His love for Riverdale? Or his faith in his dad? I really need these answers. To think Juggie wanted so badly to get away he was willing to take the first bus to anyplace without a plan to what he would do when he gets there.  This seems like he was escaping. But Juggie doesn’t run away from his problems. I think he just went through some moments of extreme despair when he felt like the whole world was against him and he didn’t want to be around anyone who was familiar with his situation. Common sense still prevailed though and he headed off to Pop’s when the lobby closed. Juggie is nothing if not clear headed, even in a desperate moment.

Archie puts two and two together and decides Juggie wanted to go to Ohio. Betty totally understands his actions – the only friends he has completely betrayed him. Archie, you better admit you fucked your friend over! He doesn’t really own up to his actions, does he? Even when they find him, it’s Betty who says sorry. He just says - We all screwed up (Betty wasn’t part of it though!) and then immediately that something good came of it. Like it didn’t matter what they did, because they were gonna save FP. I get his intentions were pure, to protect Jughead, but that doesn’t make what he did okay. That’s the difference between intent and impact I guess.

Now we come to FP’s story and I’m pretty conflicted about how much of it is true. First, if Jason was so against his dad’s drug dealing business and that’s the reason he decided to run away, it seems pretty weird to me that he would seek out FP and agree to deal the very thing he’d ditched his family for. I know it was a one off job, he needed the cash to set up him and Polly, but still weird. So was FP lying to Keller? Did Jason actually approach him to seek his help to expose his dad? And were the drugs actually Cliff’s that he was going to drive upstate to a higher authority (everyone knows the Blossoms had Keller in their pocket)? Also why would Jason tell FP his entire plan about Cheryl rowing him across the river and him pretending to be dead unless he trusted him a little? And Jason would’ve trusted FP if he thought they were on the same side.  

FP confessed to stealing the files which we know Hal did. What if he lied about everything else too? Sidenote: I do think all the scenes we were shown in flashback were actually what happened. FP torching the car, FP stashing the body in the freezer – the last one was corroborated by Joaquin as well, so FP is definitely an accomplice if nothing else, and hiding felony is obstruction of justice. I really want to know that all those FB scenes were what actually happened though. Still doesn’t prove he wasn’t helping Jason expose his dad though, we didn’t hear that conversation between him and Jason, because we never get to hear Jason talk.

Polly suspected Cliff from the beginning, did Jason hint at something to her? Did he say he wanted them to run off together because his family was against them being together, same as hers? Or did he hint there was something more sinister in the offing. Seriously though, how could Hal and Alice put Polly through all that just because they were third cousins? And Alice didn’t even know! So she was going along with Hal’s plan just because of personal vendetta? How petty could you get Alice? Lying to Betty, lying to Polly, keeping her trapped in that place, not letting Betty visit her – so extreme!

Keller letting Cliff meet and be alone with FP? What police officer does that? Of course this means the Blossoms have him firmly under their thumb.

OMG- why is Ronnie so convinced that Hiram had something to do with this? She thinks he hired someone else to plant the gun now? Archie and Ronnie holding hands under the table was sweet, but why are they still keeping their relationship a secret? Possibly because it’s not the right time for it I guess. Still it was a supportive Archie moment and that’s always good.

I didn’t realize Kevin was so high on morality quotient, Juggie is at the station being grilled by Keller AGAIN??? I mean once was bad enough, how does Keller get away with talking to minors without an adult present? And Kevin thinks that’s okay? Really? And then when Betty brings up Joaquin, he’s immediately all – don’t bring my boyfriend into this! He knows Joaquin is a Serpent and that Serpents do shady things and he won’t even consider that he may be involved? But he’s so ready to believe in FPs guilt. I love how Betty doesn’t even care that FP confessed, she’s just convinced there’s more to it than that. I love determined, badass Betty!

Juggie walks in to apologize to Cheryl and oh my God, it takes so much fucking courage to do this? In front of the whole crowd? I think he kinda anticipated her reaction, he feels shitty about what his dad did so he’s taking the beating in place of FP.  Juggie taking responsibility for FP when FP never did for him is all kinds of fucked up. He doesn’t owe FP shit. He doesn’t owe Cheryl shit. Yet he apologized. His voice broke me. This boy is such a fucking gem.

Betty meeting Cheryl at the lockers was her explaining Juggie, but also being understanding of what Cheryl was going through, and Betty is so good to do this.  Cheryl was in grief yes, but saying barely touched him? Juggie had a cut on his lip! Archie is so useless at defending Juggie but at least he tried. Don’t know who’s a bigger dick – Weatherbee or Keller. I get why Juggie is so upset and why he isn’t in the mood to believe in his dad’s innocence. He’s not in a great place. He’s been asked all kind of probing questions by unsympathetic dickheads and just been pummelled by Cheryl for being her brother’s murderer’s son. Plus he hasn’t slept all night. He must be such a mess and unable to think rationally. He’s angry -of course he is -and tired, who can blame him for venting it out on his dad? But that line- I’ve been waiting my whole life for that man to do the right thing- broke me. And made me angry at FP all over again for putting Juggie through that emotional rollercoaster.

Weatherbee is a dick – concerned for Jughead’s safety my ass, immediately after he’s worried about other students reaction to it. Archie was defending his bro, and I loved it. Fred was looking out for Archie and that is his job as a dad, but couldn’t he see that Jughead isn’t to blame for his dad’s actions? Okay, becoming his guardian was a bit much and Archie was pushing, but Fred’s – trouble seem to follow the Joneses” was unnecessarily harsh. Not done. Fred! That look Archie gave him when Juggie said he’s sleep in the garage said it all!

Okay, so now onto the big reveal Coopers = Blossoms, I have just this to say, I don’t know why this is such a big deal and Hal, why couldn’t you just tell Polly if you thought it was??? The Coopers immediately think the Blossoms would be even more deranged than Hal when it came to third cousins dating but it actually wasn’t the case? OMG that scene was so OTT and hilarious and so Riverdale! Alice and her witching references and Dr Moreau experimentation and Penelope’s utterly cracked line about nothing being more purely Blossom than those babies. I swear I was Polly in that scene, her face was my face! And Hal going – what is wrong with you people! And Penelope with her crazy eyes! OMG- such drama! Juggie would’ve loved to witness it! Sidenote: Cheryl looked truly heartbroken that Polly left – remember her immediately holding Polly saying she’s not going anywhere? Madelaine killed it in every scene this episode. She brings out Cheryl’s conflict so well.

Mary tells them that FPs one phone call was to Joaquin. Juggie’s quip even in the most despondent of times – at least he’s honest murderer - that’s his armour, to hide his pain, by making those sardonic quips. My heart hurts

And in the next scene it literally ached. Skeet and Cole killed it. Oh god, the pain in FPs eyes when Juggie was recounting his feelings. And the hurt in Juggie’s voice when he talked about how his hopes came crashing down!

-          You paid attention to me

-          I was so happy for the first time in so long

And then FP with the Never come back here and Juggie turning around to look at him for the longest time. My God I was shook. They have the most intense chemistry, so much was flowing between them in that scene without exchanging a single word. And then – Got it. It was like some secret father-son code exchange that happened, that we were privy to, but didn’t understand until later when Juggie called Betty to tell her he knew his dad was hiding something.

So I’m assuming this part of FPs story is true because it’s being told by Joaquin as well. Obstruction of justice is an offence, though I’m not sure perjury counts because he wasn’t actually lying under oath.

I assume that shot of FP reaching something with a cloth in his hand is actually him covering the camera? The same one that recorded Cliff shooting Jason?

Kevin being all shocked at Joaquin and calling him a criminal- I was like, dude-  did you not know who you were dating? He’s a Serpent for Chrissake!

Ronnie now begins to annoy me with her obsession with her dad being in the middle of everything. Why?

Okay when Juggie calls Betty from I assume the station his eyes follow a man in a hat who’s walking away with something (a file?) under his arm. Is this supposed to be significant?

So Mustang is dead. Was it an overdose or did Cliff kill him? Because he was blackmailing him? Also the bag they found was similar to the one Hermione gave to the Mayor. So how did it come to be with Mustang? Is she mixed up in this too?

Is Archie actually crying when Fred tells him in the car that he’s trying to protect him and doing his job bcos it’s the only one that counts?

I maybe dim but what happened that made Hermione break down like that? Was she surprised the bag was found next to a murdered man? Did she think Hiram was responsible for killing Mustang? Or Jason? Or both? Or was she just worried for Ronnie and what her snooping is leading to? Is she just now realizing what a dangerous man she’s married to?

Now this is what I mean by deus ex machinas in this episode, just conevenient little coincidences that happen and just everything leads neatly to the murderer? Like Joaquin suddenly deciding to tell Kevin about the bag he’d stashed away? Or that FP had a recording of the murder that he saved on a USB? Or that Betty had a brainwave that told her something was missing? – okay maybe that last one was logical reasoning because why would a jacket be so precious that he had to hide it away? Still, the whole lead up to the reveal felt pretty – unsatisfactory?

Okay, Betty says who’s he protecting and the shot shifts to Penelope. I must admit for a moment I thought it might be her. But really she knew too much about her husband and the things he was doing, the fact that Jason didn’t want any of it and that he threw the ring on their face. How could she not suspect Cliff even a little? Or was she afraid to? Like Cheryl? Who knew something was off and FP was not the real killer? She knew about the drug business. She knew Jason couldn’t stomach it. She knew Cliff was upset about it. I see where Cheryl gets her extra –ness from, Penelope is just too dramatic. She dragged Cheryl right to the barn, and then said – drown in it, why don’t you? Does she really think its syrup? Does she not know the truth?

Okay they ruled out Hal and Hermione, but not Hiram? He was in prison, no? Or they believe he orchestrated it through someone like Ronnie does? He couldn’t have actually held the gun that killed Jason.

I know what you’re going to say, mom

They found another body

Okay, maybe not that – lol

Sheriff Clueless – lmao. But Alice doesn’t think they’ve got the right person? She was all aboard the FP is guilty train and suddenly she thinks the bow is too tidy?

What was FPs contingency plan with Joaquin? Did he also tell him to flee Riverdale if he got arrested? Déjà vu – the exact same spot the car was! And the same place they found the jacket before! That got me thinking - who put the car there? Was it Jason or FP? If FP knew where the car was why didn’t he torch it before? Was he following Bughead hoping they’d lead him to the car? How did he know they would? Arrggh so many questions!

Ahh Ronnie is convinced it was her dad too, but she seems much too calm dealing with that realization. I love how Betty takes one look at Juggie’s dejected face and immediately her Nancy Drew senses begin to tingle. Girl wants so bad to help her bae!

I still don’t get why Archie had to wear the jacket for Betty to look into the pockets but it was worth it to see befuddled Archie standing there like a mannequin while Betty got her sleuth on. Voila – there’s the USD aaannnnndd very conveniently, the murder all taped and saved in HD quality mp4 - okay maybe not, but you get what I mean!

Cheryl was so eerily calm when she got Betty’s call, like she almost expected it.  I noticed that Archie actually covered his mouth when they showed us the kids reacting to the video the second time round. Did they film that twice?

Okay so when is later? When did they learn why FP confessed – to protect Jughead? Did he come right out and say it? Did he tell Juggie or Keller? Of all the charges Keller was stating off the top of his head, perjury doesn’t really quality, he wasn’t under oath, was he?

I love fierce and passionate Juggie, took me back to when he was arguing his case with the Mayor about the drive-in. Archie wanting to stay because his friends need him was so heartwarming. This is the Archie Andrews I want to see, not the selfish, needy fuckboy we’ve been shown thus far.

I found Penelope and Cheryl creepily directing the Sheriff to the barn so weird and so suggestive of foul play. Almost as though they knew what happened bcos they made it happen. Whydonit will be in the next episode, but really , the reveal was so underwhelming for me (mostly because of that Madelaine spoiler that Cheryl would be ruined) that it felt like a cop-out. They went with the safest choice. No one will miss Cliff Blossom, his being the killer or being dead isn’t going to impact anyone except Cheryl  and perhaps Penelope, and that feels a bit hollow somehow. Too tidy, as Alice would say. The reason why he did it seems pretty straightforward too – Jason wouldn’t cooperate and maybe he threatened to expose his dad, so he had to be killed, Unless they surprise us with another quite different reason. I somehow don’t think so.