#(the animal/character parallelism makes me feel a certain type of joy)

[roseoftrafalgar]

Happy International Snow Leopard Day! ❄️ Ft. Law helping a snow leopard cub with a minor arm injury.

-> for some snow leopard facts, click the readmore!

Snow leopards are sometimes referred to “ghosts of the mountains” for their elusiveness and solitary nature.

They are found in the icy mountainous regions of Central Asia (i.e Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, etc.), South Asia (i.e. Nepal, Bhutan, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, etc.), Russia, Mongolia, and China.

In northern Dolpo Nepalese folklore, it is sometimes believed that snow leopards carry the sins of their past lives & whoever kills them “inherits” their sins.

Often opportunistic hunters and less aggressive compared to other big cats when it comes to hunting their prey, as they will retreat from a kill if another predator threatens them. However, they are able to kill prey 3 times their own weight.

They’re more related to tigers than leopards.

They can jump 6 times their body length.

They typically have blue, green, or grey eyes & can see 6 times better than humans.

Their short nasal cavity warms the air they inhale before entering their lungs.

Their tails can serve as scarves & they sometimes like to nom on them.

-> Visit Snow Leopard Trust to learn more about snow leopards & conservation efforts, as there is less than around 10,000 in the wild!

[nadekofannumber1]

need to know what you thought of Nadeko Around

Honestly I blasted through the book pretty quick and I’m gonna prolly take a reread and put out more thoughts later. However, what I think of it now is that it’s a good Nadeko finale in a sense. I’d of course love to see more Nadeko but she really got her shit together in this one so a lot of character growth isn’t really something I see in the future. I’d like to see the confidant kinda mean Nadeko thrive!

More info below

I feel like it kind of went through all the major tennants of Nadeko:

Learning to want to live and feel alive

As a member of the “nadeko detested living to the degree she doesn’t want to live” believer club, I’m proud to announce that Nadeko is learning to feel alive and let go of inhibitions. Nadeko goes from feeling guilty for being “so spoiled” because she didn’t know shit about island survival scenarios, to being actively proud and happy when she wins to dropping her guard living ungracefully and actively going feral. Nadeko experiences the joys of it all and it’s wonderful.

The love of creation

Nadeko draws, Nadeko draws a lot it’s the whole thing she creates and she does things that are special. Nadeko becomes a wizard and that’s so awesome. The thesis of this book is the love of creation and how it drives people to truly live.

Society, roles, clothes, and appearance

Nadeko in this story abandons a lot of what society finds pure with her appearance, being gaunt, tanned, covered in wounds with calloused hands, building light muscle, having short hair. A ton of traits that make certain types scream and throw up in hatred for “not being pure”. While Nadeko does wear the uniform it’s a complex thing where it’s comfortable and there’s identity in it but Nadeko feels as if she’d prefer to wear other things even changing for the final confrontation. Honestly it makes me wonder about how they’d adapt it into an anime outside the obvious bc Nadeko acquires a ruggedness I think some would find hard to market unless simplified aesthetically. My final wonder is what outfit Tsukihi put her in as nademono had threads of the concept of Nadeko reconnecting with concepts of femininity and repairing that relationship but putting Nadeko in a cute outfit feels wrong. Personally I’d prefer perhaps something gnc or masculine and maybe trendy but also I’d take something mature aesthetic wise. I just feel that doubling down on the tomboyness (and also other potential read’s of Nadeko’s character with gender) would actually suit Nadeko well as one that forges their own path and doesn’t necessarily need to conform to tradition (being something entirely self made, for the love of creation).

Recognizing and self actualizing one’s own circumstance

Nadeko though this arc looks at her past and decides that it is the past and she was done wrong in said past. This includes Nadeko acknowledging that her parents did see her like the stuffed toys they bought her, Nadeko is self aware and understanding “I was sheltered but shit is fucked” and “I also get what my parents meant but I’m not changing carrier paths.”

Getting meaner on purpose

Nadeko’s arc involves her getting less cute and more mean on purpose. Urako tries to get under her skin but Nadeko is just like “whatever bro, don’t care, gonna save you btw.” Nadeko being allowed to be mean and falling from that grace can be also analyzed via parallels with hanekawa and shinobu but I think that’s a big post topic. TLDR Nadeko becoming more open and rude and honest is a break from society and tradition and Nadeko doesn’t need that. Nadeko needs to be free to go off and live her atypical life even if others don’t get her. Even if Nadeko works in the “real world” she doesn’t become normal and take normal paths set for her and I’m proud of her for that. Nadeko can work with others but doesn’t have to pretend.

Kind of the autism power fantasy jk(unless…..)

That current of homoeroticism that isn’t stated but definitely came to something

Nadeko got her “first kiss” (mouth to mouth with Yotsugi) and she spent so much time on that island thinking about drawing naked women and women’s bodies, and then the urako moment happened, and of course the beloved mention of Tsukihi in a pure positive light. Even with believing these characters are just friends nisio sure does love ramping up undertones as much as he possibly can. That it kinda becomes a cope to look away from their importance to Nadeko.

Even in a straight Nadeko scenario the image invokes a concept of experimenting with one’s self and identity which is integral to the coming of age aspects of Nadeko’s character arc (i also think that what Nadeko did with araragi was trying to experiment safely to test waters and limits, and that can still even apply in the straight Nadeko scenario.)

Nadeko’s family doesn’t want to talk to her much even though she’s successful and is forging her own path. Mangakaphobic, they really did hate her for coming out (as a mangaka) to them, they thought they had a normal daughter who wanted to be a bride and put it on forms of what she wanted to be when she grew up. Pay no mind to the fact Nadeko is masking her true self and picking what she’s supposed to. Nadeko a cute innocent girl but she came out (as a mangaka) and they hated that, Nadeko always had a secret she kept in the closet that she felt her parents disapproved of and yet in that closet was her real self (mangaka), the wanted the image of her to remain pure so even when Nadeko came back home and cut her hair short they hoped Nadeko would choose to go back on the path they wanted for her (not a mangaka), and yet that ended up with her homeless and taking odd jobs, years later Nadeko tries contact but won’t give up on being who she is it’s a them problem that they won’t accept her at this point, Nadeko will never stop being who she is and won’t closet herself in this society (from openly being a mangaka)

Nadeko valuing relationships with others

Nadeko’s aquisition of friends is more emphasized in Nadeko draw by presence but here it’s emphasized by silence how much Nadeko values her relationships with others. Yearning pining and surviving!

Nadeko not really thinking about Koyomi

A fun one! When you see a lot of character’s internality you can kind of see those opinions, and progressively through arcs Nadeko truly realizes those feelings were kind of misplaced and generally doesn’t think about the guy almost at all compared to a lot of other characters in subsequent arcs, Nadeko doesn’t really even bring up the guy herself until she’s about to die from that snake, there is reflection in urako of course but it’s a beautiful metaphor of scale peeling and “shedding one’s skin”

—————-

Even after this there’s a lot of fun implications with urako making the snake charms and kaiki dealing out fake ones that accidentally ended up activating. Real fascinating enriching chewable concept.

I got more I suppose but that’s all for now, expect other Nadeko brainrot posts in the future (and maybe something about shinomono 1 if I find motivation)

Nadeko’s autism truly has evolved into evil autism (congratulatory)

[cartoon-savant]

Ducktales "Let's Get Dangerous" Watch Ramblings

Okay, so. That was amazing.

WHO DID THIS!? WHAT MAD GENIUS SNIPED IN BONKERS!? I CAME TO THIS PARTY FOR SPECIFICALLY INFORMED FUN AND THEN THE HOST JUST THROWS GOLD AT MY FACE!!

- The episode feels like a proper dedication to everything Darkwing Duck. The atmosphere of St.Canard still feels like Gotham City so much. If Launchpad is doing double time moving between Duckberg daytime and St.Canard nighttime it’ll hold that vibe the city and DW have. But I can’t help but believe this is the start of his transition to St.Canard. The responsibilities may just be too big to juggle together. Also, this found family of Drake, Launchpad, and Gosalyn is just too good together. Like Launchpad creates a different vibe for himself when he’s with him. He just taps into a whole different side to care for and support them.

-  So yeah, I’m glad Darkwing is still somewhat underappreciated in St.Canard since it didn’t seem like anyone knows about his efforts in the lab. Gizmoduck didn’t even make it halfway across the bridge into the city and gets all the credit. So now we get to see DW work towards that recognition he deserves.

- It was the best blending of nostalgia and new age. They drop a massive Easter egg in one of my favorite scenes, from one of my favorite episodes “A Whale of A Bad Time”, of my favorite story arc where Scrooge and Glomgold race to deliver their fortunes for weighing in a bet to win a lucrative contract. Also love the Fluppy Dogs shot-out. Wasn’t my jam but I gotta respect that attention given.

- F.O.W.L. involvement made the Missing Mysteries tie-in more logical. Huey is getting more involved here since this season is supposed to be this triplet’s turn in the spotlight. I bet this encounter spurs him into action now that F.O.W.L. is exposed to have interest in the mysteries. Speaking of exposed, poor Bradford. Like he would be more successful in his organized bureaucratic villainy if everyone who works for him didn’t revel in the theatrics.

- With Taurus Bulba falling out with F.O.W.L. it leaves me to believe he’ll stay in St. Canard to be a recurring villain for him. If he keeps the “Bulba’s Super Villain Solutions” thing I expect something like the Spectacular Spiderman animated series. Like Norman Osborn he’ll turn out villains for profit while acting behind the scenes and exploiting the chaos. Bonus points if his cybernetic enhancements keep coming in via collateral damage like with Major Bludd in G.I. Joe: Renegades. Since only Megavolt, Quackerjack, Liquidator, and Bushroot seem to be the only returning OG villains (aside from a couple of cool cameos from some C-Listers, haha) now the writers have a nice say in picking and choosing who gets rolled into the reboot reality. Negaduck is basically confirmed as a reboot villain now since they called themselves the Fearsome Four and Justice Ducks got a name drop but not who’s in it. Gizmoduck was a member but is here as a reboot character and they can just grab Neptunia, Stegmutt and Morgana. Real talk, they’ll probably redo all their designs but I hope we keep Morgana’s vibe close to her original which had such a wonderful goofy Elvira feel. Also let’s get a good Batman/Catwoman thing going.

- Bushroot’s redesign and dialogue silence may have been out of respect to his original voice actor Tino Insana’s passing, also the same year the Ducktales reboot came out. Everyone else is alive but the only reprised role was Michael Bell’s Quackerjack and everyone sounded great. Still hope he left like a seedling clone of himself behind so we can explore more of him.

- Gosalyn was well handled. I loved her reboot personality still feeling like OG but with more smarts and skill. Giving her skill with a crossbow was great (she gets a matching outfit and Huntress much) as well as leaning into the Batman & Robin parallels by making her a proper partner/sidekick, instead of a stubborn tag-along.  I want to see her meet Webby because I feel like she will complete a certain dynamic. Webby is an all rounder being good with magic, quite smart and a top fighter. Webby doesn’t hold top mark in any particular area. Lena is basically becoming sorceress supreme and Violet is very intelligent and composed with her reading situations better than the others. So I want Gosalyn to be surprisingly good at keeping up with Webby in a fight.

The second other series that may actually get this kind of dedication in the reboot feels to me like Talespin.

- We have plenty of mentions of Cape Suzette and a Don Karnage. I say “a” because the Season 3 poster revealed what looked like an older Kit and Molly. This leads me to believe the OG Talespin adventures do take place decades prior to closer match the aesthetics of the OGand current era Karnage is a descendant. Della may have also learned to pilot from or was a fan of Baloo so that can be a good background to add to her character. I feel like Shere Khan will be a David Xanatos type character. He was already a fierce, morally ambiguous self serving businessman. But give him that Xanatos pizazz, keen intellect and foresight to make him be the sharpest of the sharpies that Scrooge will ever deal with.

- So all in all it was everything I didn’t know I wanted and gives me such joy for heights this show can reach being this successful in its ambition. I hope further inclusions from other Disney Afternoon characters will start building themselves up in this reboot just as well. I’m excited for more of the world explored from the sides of the Rescue Rangers and Goofy’s suburban slice of life. Oh, and of course cop/detective work from freaking Bonkers! Like this is how you know your reboot is in good hands. When you keep the appeal of and appreciate the old while introducing well defined new takes, bridging the gap between generations so everyone enjoys it. Man, I need that Animaniacs reboot right now.

[snakefromeden]

Some Self-Reflection

Sometimes I think to myself -- and I know others must think this, too -- "wow, Oro/chi/maru and Y/ui Ko/mori are two very different people, how do those identities coexist in the same personality?"

Good question. I'm not entirely sure, but I can provide speculation, as I’ve been examining this quite a bit, recently.  I assume this is a somewhat safe place to gather my thoughts, and reconcile two very distinct parts of myself.  I apologize if this post is a bit haphazardly composed.  It is off the cuff.

(Note:  I will not be discussing Hiroyuki in this post.  I may not ever discuss Hiroyuki publicly.)

I was tempted to borrow Freud’s model of the mind and ascribe Orochimaru and Yui to Ego and Superego, respectively, but the more I thought about it the more that line of thinking fell apart.  Those identities do not fit in those boxes, but stretch between all three equally.

My awakening as Orochimaru was a long journey.  I was barely familiar with otherkin and a close friend had opened up to me about being Nagisa Shingetsu.  I had no connection with the community and wouldn’t until years later.  So I embarked on that journey on my own and with the assistance of an individual I now refer to as a canonmate (even though I find that term somewhat incorrect for our relationship.  I do not believe our bond was formed within our canons, but rather in this life in a way that has affected me deeply enough that I feel ‘sourcemate’ is too impersonal.), I discovered myself and settled in nicely.  Rather deeply, in fact.  I’m not sure whether this is a spiritual or a psychological foundation, but as time passes I find myself leaning towards my identity as Orochimaru being spiritually founded.

I am a curious being.  I seek out experiences and information hungrily.  Monotony can bore me, but I am not so shallow as to move on heartlessly from people.  Puzzles, especially when those puzzles are people, are fun.  This may be an unfortunate consequence of ADHD, but I lose interest in things, often quickly.  Interests are fleeting and those that stick are cherished and held dear.

Sometimes I struggle to find my face.  An aspect of ADHD called RSD is an influence that buries me deep to try to please others, for fear of rejection.  Because when someone matters so much, you’d do anything to keep them from hating you, right?  Anything to keep from messing it up?

I am familiar with scorn.  This brain is particularly attuned to it, and will find it even where it is not.  I struggle with this, as there are many people who would like to see my true face, and sometimes I lose it in the fear.

In terms of source parallels, I have:

- Been given up on - Scorned by my peers - Gone through a period of obsession with a singular goal - Had a thorough, decisive clash with a guiding figure - Rebuilt myself into a stable, comfortable state of being after hitting rock bottom

Orochimaru is who I am.  Deeply, on a personal level, and I always will be.  Even as Yui shifts become more prominent, I am Orochimaru.

My awakening as Yui was different.  

In fact, I won’t even begin with Diabolik Lovers when talking about my awakening.  I always had a fascination with vampires, since I was very, very young.  It started with the Underworld movies and progressed as one would expect with a vampire fascination.  Eventually, I got into Vampire Knight.  Me and a whole group of friends did.  In that way that young teenagers do, we each took up a different character as “ours” from it.  I choose Yuuki Cross and I kept the name for years.  In fact, vestiges of it still remain in my online identity.  I eventually shortened “Yuuki” to “Yuu,” which is still part of the url of my main blog and I’ve only picked up “Merp” in the past couple years.

It definitely didn’t feel quite right, back then, calling myself Yuuki.  There was something about it that didn’t fit, and I eventually did away with it, but of course she’s always been dear to me.

Now, to Diabolik Lovers.  I watched the anime one day with a friend on a whim and we binged most of it.  In waking hours, I had no real immediate connection to the show other than a morbid fascination.  I had a dream that night, a vivid dream about a man who drugged me without me knowing, a simultaneously comforting and anxiety-inducing presence.  I remember his fingers in my hair.

I still remember this dream.  I went over it time and again.  But that visceral dream stayed with me for years.  I would stress about it.  I would try to analyze it.  It had been so emotional that I woke up crying.  I wanted to hate the man in my dream but the only rancor I could muster was petty.

I found myself drawn to what I critically did not consider to be a good anime.  I liked the boys.  I liked the boys a lot.  They felt familiar to me.

It wasn’t until years later, after I had already had my awakening as Orochimaru, that I was preparing to cosplay to a local convention and was describing the character of source!Yui Komori to a friend that I stopped mid-sentence and realized I’d used the same words -- exact same sentences -- to describe myself before.  I had not considered that I could be anyone else other than Orochimaru.

This was an identity I had to consider for a longer time, as it doesn’t reconcile well with my past the way Orochimaru does.  The closest parallel I can think of is parental abandonment.  I did not have a very religious upbringing, mostly seeing church as a cool book club that I went to for fun until I realized everyone was serious, although nowadays I have found some faith again, but it is non-denominational and almost utilitarian, even teetering on agnostic at times.

I did eventually settle on the fact that I might be Yui Komori.  I was unsure about the identity at first, because I, for the life of me, couldn’t pick out a significant attachment to any of the boys that wasn’t for them as a character.

Then, of course, I realized I was a dumbass.  I don’t even remember the moment that the switched was flicked and I realized who I missed.  I think I was just thinking about my reference albums on my (mostly unused) roleplay presets and looked at a Reiji sprite and got hit with a wave of yearning.

Further reflection and not taking that feeling for face value included a handful of different trains of thought.  “A Certain Prophet’s Fate” is a song that has always managed to get me intensely hyped, even as far as pulling me out of dissociation.  I have always been drawn to scientist-type characters.  Shuu Iwamine.  Szayel Aporro Granz.  Sano Kojima.  To name a few notable examples.  But something was always missing.  Something, something, something.

So I accepted the yearning for what it was.  I missed someone.  Someone I could probably find.  Finding Reiji Sakamaki wasn’t the hopeless pipe dream that trying to find Sakumo Hatake is.  It was something I could do.

For this, I made my Diabolik Lovers kin server, which was probably the most roundabout way I could’ve done this.  I had very little expectations.  My previous adventures with kin servers had been rather fruitless back when I claimed to be Sano Kojima before I knew the difference between a kintype and a c’link, and I’d been very disappointed by those claiming to be Akira Kojima.

I was a little surprised but, as stated, not expecting much when the man himself messages me asking for an invite.  If you have any familiarity with the more serious and legitimate side of the Otherkin community, you probably know who I’m talking about.

I’ve been examining myself rigorously since, really.  My job leaves me a lot of time alone with my thoughts, lots of time to get inside my own head and dig around.  And I’ve found the parallels I was looking for.

The parallels are in my day-to-day, the person I am.  The parallels are in joys of helping people, a preternatural clumsiness, a diligence, a dedication, often at the expense of my own health, which is somewhat of a flaw.  The person I aspire and hope to be.  A person that I believe I have become and may have always been.

I firmly believe this identity to be psychologically founded. I do not believe there is a spiritual aspect to this identity, which differentiates it somewhat from my identity as Orochimaru, which is how I reconcile the identities.

If I had to ascribe them into Freud’s model of the psyche, I’d say Orochimaru’s roots are in my Ego and Id, whereas Yui’s rooted in both my Ego and Superego.  They each have tendrils in the opposite ends of the spectrum, as well.  They tangle, they interlock.

Together, they make me.  I am them.  There isn’t a moment where I stop being Yui Komori.  There are not days when I’m not Orochimaru.  There are not days when I’m not Yui.  It’s not determined by shifts.  There are times when one feeling is a bit stronger than the other, but that’s just the reality of having multiple kintypes.

I am Yui Komori.  I am Orochimaru.

... It feels really nice to have my thoughts in order.

[doux-amer]

I FINALLY SAW CAPTAIN MARVEL AND I GOT EMOTIONAL WATCHING IT. Okay, calming down now. As a lot of you know, my expectations were low as the marketing was lackluster, I was nervous about certain choices that were made, etc., and even though I avoided any CM chatter, I heard murmurs of mixed reactions...so my expectations were pretty much on the floor when I went to see it. I just hoped it would be fun even if it was okay, but uh...I REALLY ENJOYED IT. It’s not perfect and when I was talking to Alanna, she said people said it reminded them of CA:TFA (it really does in certain ways and I get why they said it, but TFA, for all its cheese and its weaknesses, is one of my favorite MCU movies lol). BUT! I! LOVED! IT! I don’t care about the unevenness because all that fell to the wayside by the sheer, all-encompassing joy I felt watching it. 

This is how I wanted to feel watching Wonder Woman because I adored Diana as a little girl and it didn’t happen although I kept quiet about my disappointment because I wanted people to go support it anyway as it was super important that it did well. THIS THOUGH. I wanted to punch my fist in the air so many times and laugh and hug and hang out with Carol. I JUST. GOD. 

I’ve experienced unfettered happiness and fun before with Marvel—that’s how I felt with The Avengers and with Spider-man: Homecoming. But this? This was the first time I was a fan of someone from the comics before seeing a movie and seeing it come to life the way I so hoped she would. It was extremely special because of that particular element and I got emotional because of it which I didn’t expect. I really felt disconnected to Carol from what I saw in the trailers and was afraid the movie wouldn’t resonate because it would be very white feminist-y. It wasn’t. And that hero on the screen? THAT WAS MY GIRL CAROL. I’m kind of getting slightly misty-eyed writing this. But GOD, I waited years for this and it’s just overwhelming wth!

I’m going to do my usual bullet points. If you want to avoid spoilers, scroll past this long post:

I was turned off by the silliness of the trailers and Carol’s more serious moments came off as unconvincing in them, so I expected not to connect with her. I WAS WRONG. I GOT MY GIRL. I’M WEEPING! She’s emotional! She’s feisty and bullheaded. She can be serious and fueled by anger. She can be fun even when she’s a fierce warrior, but not to the point that it’s distracting! Her humor is very much her own and very much Carol. It’s not witty. It’s goofy. She clearly finds herself hilarious which I LOVED. SHE’S SO DORKY, SMILING AT HER OWN JOKES. 

The movie stayed away from what could have been a cringeworthy white savior undercurrent by making Carol culpable in the suffering of the oppressed. I know the Skrulls are aliens and look like them unlike the other aliens we’ve seen who you can’t exactly forget are played by POC characters, but lbr that narrative is about refugees and...look at current events lmao. As a Kree warrior, even if she unknowingly participated in the Kree-Skrull war ignorant of the truth, she hurt a lot of innocent people. And that’s great! It’s not that she was this pure person swooping in to save the weak or whatever. This is something she had to grapple with once her memories came back and her eyes were opened and she knew she had to make amends.

It reminded me strongly of Tony in IM1 with Obie dealing under the table to terrorists and becoming a part of a corrupt machine without meaning to. It didn’t matter that that was the case; he still felt responsible and accountability became a huge part of his story.

This origin story reminded me of Cap’s, not because of the whole military aspect to it lol but because of how she’s “just human.” Carol never gives up and Steve doesn’t either. They get knocked down? They’ll shake it off and stand back up. I might’ve gotten a little emotional here too which I didn’t expect. Plus she wanted to prove to herself that she could do whatever the hell she set her heart on. The other parallel was the whole fighting for the government/military who end up not being so great and going rogue thing.

It made me sad because we won’t get the Steve-Tony-Carol friendship we so deserve, but lol while the credits were rolling, my sister was like “Yeah, Tony’s going to die” because she’s the obvious successor. Originally she said it was because of his powers when I asked why and then she agreed when I pointed out that it’s not just because of his powers, but in terms of personality and a whole slew of things that reminded me of him AND Steve (it’s like Peter in CA:CW and SM:H). She feels like the linchpin holding the MCU together like them too. 

Like the fact that Carol was the reason for the Avengers’ existence! That was obvious, but that scene where Fury’s typing on the computer and he looks at that photo of her before changing the name of the initiative? HM....I WAS VERKLEMPT.

Also, I loved how they made her get her powers. It wasn’t an accident. No one sacrificed their life for her. She got her powers because of her own actions. She got her powers because she was being a HERO. SHE IS WHO SHE IS BECAUSE OF HERSELF. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

Speaking of that, I was surprised by the Mar-Vell plot twist because we all thought that would be Jude Law and I expected Annette Bening to be someone else (who she sort of ended up being anyway) lol. I didn’t mind that they did that. Love that she was Carol’s mentor.

I loved the female relationships. CAROL AND MARIA’S SCENES. MARIA BELIEVING IN HER. MARIA TALKING ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER AS A SINGLE MOM AND A WOMAN IN THE AIR FORCE, BUT CAROL DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THAT. THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR LIFE TOGETHER...BINCH...I MAY HAVE BLINKED OUT A TEAR!!!!! Carol being cute with Monica! Monica urging her mom to be a hero while Maria wanted to watch out for her because she has Monica to think of now, not just herself. Monica being responsible for Carol’s Captain Marvel getup! Carol and Maria getting involved with Lawson because she was their ticket to proving themselves and moving up! 

And yet the movie didn’t get too hammy and heavy-handed with feminism (I hate it when some people write stuff that way because I find it extremely sloppy and ineffective)! We didn’t have to have a female villain just because we had a female lead superhero. We didn’t have to have moments where Carol says preachy lines. That moment where she just raised her eyebrow at the motorcycle dude? Fantastic. She didn’t have to deal with that scumbag. That moment where Yon-Rogg tried to pull a typical Man Move TM by trying to make her prove herself to him (and trying to take ownership of her development and strength)? She didn’t have to be all cocky and say some quip or cheesy af line. She wasn’t even that angry because he’s not worth it. He’s an ant beneath her foot. He’s irrelevant. She just says it straight up that she doesn’t have to prove anything to him, and that was what made that so powerful for me. It resonated because she said it like it was the truth, plain and simple, and it WAS. 

No romance shoved in not because Carol didn’t need no man as a Strong Woman but because there are more important things at stake and honestly, the romance was with her wife Maria her relationships with other humans and the Skrulls were the emotional crux. They’re an important part of who she is and of rediscovering her identity. God...like her relationship with Fury? So well done. It was the buddy cop movie that I so wanted. I loved their jokes and their mutual respect for each other. I love how they became so important to each other and we saw Fury deeply care about someone and showing that. One of my favorite scenes is the one where they’re washing dishes together. 

They also didn’t shove Coulson in too much which I was afraid of. We got to see where Fury started off, a greener one but one who was as compelling because he was so human. We got to see Fury deeply caring about someone and so openly (this is the guy who said, “I'm just an old man who cares very much about you“ to Tony in AoU). It was nice seeing how the whole belief in superheroes thing truly started with the both of them (Coulson had his whole Cap thing, but I feel like this was the moment where he imagined having a hero like that in his own time was possible).

Uh let’s see. I love Goose. I don’t particularly care for animals in movies even though I know people obsess about them, but they didn’t overdo Goose’s part. 

All the little callbacks to the comics! KSD showing up! 

The period part of the period piece wasn’t overdone which I appreciated. Carol typing made me laugh, the slow download and AOL shoutout made me laugh, and damn, the fashion and music? I was over the moon. You didn’t have to go over the top to make us immersed in the 90s. Also, my heart sang when we got Carol on a bike on the open road in a leather jacket. The bliss I felt is indescribable tbh.

Ooh the special effects were good for the most part! Loved seeing her fly and loved seeing her gut ships and destroy missiles. It felt real. Space didn’t feel cheesy af to me which was a problem I had with GotG 1. 

Speaking of flying and punching things, it was so viscerally satisfying to see her do that. One of the things that really did it for me was how she enjoyed her powers. It was exhilarating seeing her fly for the first time (similar to seeing Tony taking out the suit for a test flight in IM1). Her little laugh/whoop of excitement? That’s what it would be like to discover you can fly! That grin when she breaks free of the Kree dampening her powers and she can feel her powers at full force running through her? That’s what it would be like to be at 100% and have all that. I wanted to jump out of my seat and feel what she felt. It made her powers not feel very OTT-overpowered? Carol has....too many powers and is super strong to the point that she’s overpowered, but uh...idk I didn’t have a problem with it here, mainly because of this. 

The post-credits scenes were good too like....WOW, HUH. I watched this in Dolby (my first Dolby experience!) and I GOT EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY THIRSTY OVER STEVE IN A BEARD AND OUT OF HIS SUIT AND A TIGHT WHITE SHIRT!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW I KEPT IT TOGETHER BECAUSE I ALMOST DIDN’T WHICH WOULD’VE BEEN EMBARRASSING. BUT PHEW!!!!!! STEVE? WHAT A *****!!! Thought the scene was nice too even though I wish Carol got better hair. I assume she flew and that’s why she looks so bedraggled, but uhfhghdaoifhas I hated her hair in this and want Carol to get the nice hair she deserves (preferably a short butch cut...thanks. C’mon, Brie wants it too). OH, ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT BROKE MY HEART TO HEAR HER SAY, “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHO I AM. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM” AND TO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE’S NOT KREE, BUT SHE’S NO LONGER FULLY HUMAN NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF HER POWERS BUT BECAUSE OF HER LIFE ON HALA AS WELL. I loved how we saw her journey to accepting that and who she is now and how that was all tied up nicely with her wearing her old leather jacket the Rambeaus kept for her and her new suit as she goes into space. What a great moment and a nice visual cue to a comics cover I really like of Carol wearing her jacket over her suit and staring up at the stars. I feel like trying to find her place and her identity are important to her so I loved that we got that here and we’ll hopefully see more of that.

There are a bunch of negatives here (a bunch of stuff about the Tesseract that go against canon, the Skrulls (makeup, personalities, nerfed powers and threat level imo, etc.), subpar writing and acting at moments, etc.), but I seriously don’t care at all because I enjoyed the ride. My happiness dwarfs every little thing I could have nitpicked. I don’t care!!! I had so much fun! I liked the movie a lot!

[kittypeas]

The Force Awakens and fairytales: part two. Prince Lindworm.

This is the second and (probably) last part or my essay “The Force Awakens and Fairytales”. This time I wanted to describe the Norwegian folktale about Prince Lindworm (which can you read HERE) which, in my opinion, is the most accurate summary of Kylo/Ben & Rey relationship. First, I will discuss a theoretical framework and concepts that I will need to conduct proper analysis of the parallels between TFA and “Prince Lindworm”. But don’t get discouraged! Throughout this essay I will continuously get back to the movie.

Some time ago Pablo Hidalgo tweeted that „long time ago in a galaxy far away” should be read as a begenning of a fairy tale. Surely it means more than just a fact that every movie in Star Wars trilogies is similar to popular tales like Snow White or the Beauty and the Beast. A myth or a folktale is, as Karen Armstrong describes it “in some sense is an occurrence that happened once and happens over and over again”, because it takes place inside each of us when we read, adapt and reenact it. “Mythology, just like poetry and music, should open us to a sense of wonder, even in the face of death or a threat of annihilation.”

This notion reminds me of your posts that I see frequently on my dash: those where you described how reylo helps you in dealing with difficulties, how you find yourself in various traits displayed by the characters, how they can voice your feelings and thoughts. Because every fairytale has also a therapeutic aspect, which manifests itself in the said sense of wonder, described by Rudolf Otto as a numinotic experience. Numinosum is an encounter with Mysterium tremendum et fascinans:

Mysterium which is a source for the English word “mystery” has its roots in Greek “mysterion” which originates from “myein” which can be traced in “mustism”, a condition in which a person is deprived of an ability to speak. Mysterium is a superhuman revelation which we experience in silence because it is both tremendum, as you can guess – tremendous, terrible – and fascinans, fascinating. Igen wrote:

“Our religions and psychotherapies offer frames of reference for processing unbearable agonies, and perhaps, also, unbearable joys. At times, art or literature brings the agony-ecstasy of life together in a pinnacle of momentary triumph. Good poems are time pellets, offering places to live emotional transformations over lifetimes. There are moments of processing, pulsations that make life meaningful, as well as mysterious. But I think these aesthetic and religious products gain part of their power from all the moments of breakdown that went into them.”

There is an intimate relationship between the numinosum and trauma, often conceptualized as a rupture in continuity of personal narrative. On the other hand, experiencing the numinosum –through physically inconsequential process of identfication with fairy – tales characters and participation in their adventures as well as struggles – is a factor that could restore unity to individual’s inner world. To paraphrase Kalsched’s claim: a fairytale describes psyche’s self-portrait of its own archaic defensive operations; in other words, it illustrates a psychological process and even though the events from a fairy tale never took place the material world, they take place inside any of us during the lecture. The Force Awakens, just like the story of a dragon or a snake Lindworm is an example of a type of story about a traumatic event, dissociation or a fissure in personality, and the need for internal integration. In this sense the only hero of the story is Prince Lindworm – or Kylo Ren, whose ego (i.e. self) breaks, or is dissociated.

“I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain”

In TFA it happens when Ben Solo symbolically kills his former self and gives himself a new name. He tells Han that “his son is dead” but you know that it is not true and those two identities are alive and at war with themselves. In the story about Prince Lindworm this division is marked in the moment of his birth. Lindworm was one of the pair of twins. Cirlot writes in his book of symbols: “dual nature of twins has two sides, one light and one dark, one giving life and the other bringing death; […] However, the night craves to become the day, evil admires righteousness, life is heading towards death.” This duality often serves a certain narrative purpose and can, for example, be used to avoid the taboo of parricide, like in “Enchanted doe” where one of the brothers kills their mother. In The Force Awakens it is not Ben Solo, Han’s son who murders him, but alien to him Kylo Ren.

It is said in the beginning of the tale that “And this [that they couldn’t have children] often made them both sad, because the Queen wanted a dear little child to play with, and the King wanted an heir to the kingdom”. Then, it is quite possible that the duality of twins is used to illustrate the process in which all unacceptable affects – anger, aggression, defiance – are placed not in the firstborn son but in his shadow, his evil brother. What supports this thesis is the fact that after the happy ending another wedding is prepared but not a word is spoken about Lindworm’s brother. In TFA Kylo Ren represents the same qualities as Lindworm, while Ben Solo is a boy who was born to the light.

This is not the only split visible in the characters of the narratives. The “Prince Lindworm” fairytale belongs to quite popular type which describe the story of monsters which hunt innocent girls, like Bluebeard, the Beauty and The beast and almost all vampire stories.

Their common point is the motive of a malevolent figure, abducting and captivating defenseless woman. What seems most interesting, is that every time a vampire, a sorcerer, or a terrifying creature is both a persecutor and a savior. In the fairy tale of Bluebeard, the protagonist wants to test his wife, but instructs her how she can get out of his jail. Similarly Count Dracula, who in the Coppola’s adaptation allows the woman and the men protecting her to catch him. As Suzy McKee Charnas writes in the "vampire tapestry": the monster is a "predator paralyzed by an unwanted empathy with his prey".

The titular vampire of the story recalls yet another fairy tale, when he accuses the main character that she wants to seduce him. He mocks her, saying: “Unicorn, come lay your head in my lap while the hunters close in. You are a wonder, and for love of wonder I will tame you. You are pursued, but forget your pursuers, rest under my hand till they come and destroy you"  That's where the title of this novel came from, and this is what medieval tapestries and paintings depict.  Nowadays we think a unicorn is a beautiful, enchanting horse. Once upon a time it belonged to the catalog of wild beasts and in many works of art it is depicted as a dangerous predator, tearing animals and people into pieces.

The ‘Hellsing” manga describes vampires as follows:

It seems that in the depths of his heart the creature from a fairytale wants to be killed. The human part of the monster is suffering because of the terrible fate he was condemned to.  It is the girl who impersonates this dissociated, human element of the monster who wants to be defeated and liberated by death.

“You, a scavenger”

Typically, these women are described as virgins or poor peasants – which in the “Prince Lindworm” tale is underlined many times – the narrator often speaks of their bare feet, as in the Snow Queen tales in which Gerda sets out barefoot to the snowy land to save her beloved Kay from Snow Queen. The Lapland shaman says about her: “I can not give her more power than she already has. Can not you see how great she is? You do not see how men and animals are obliged to serve her; How she travels the whole world with bare feet? This power does not come from the magic, it comes from her heart!…”

Still, the bare feet of heroines or their virginity do not symbolize - as we would expect - their innocence. On unicorn tapestries there is often a scene in which a unicorn sleeps in a woman's embrace, and then the hunter's arrows reach him. In this situation, the victim puts her persecutor in a mortal danger. Similarly, Rey is “no one”, lowly scavenger from a desert planet, uncivilized and uneducated. But she is the one who brings the prince to his knees.

At the end of the story, it is said: " No bride was ever so beloved by a King and Queen as this peasant maid from the shepherd’s cottage. There was no end to their love and their kindness towards her: because, by her sense and her calmness and her courage, she had saved their son, Prince Lindworm”. Stories about young men tell about their courage that helped them in the process of becoming a hero; correspondingly, the girl from “Prince Lindworm” is not fearless, but brave when she decides to oppose the hideous snake, or, in case of Rey, to defy someone who might as well be a monster under his mask. When the girl says "Prince Lindworm, slough a skin!" (just like Rey when she wants Kylo to take his helmet off) he replies, " No one has ever dared tell me to do that before". He hissed and showed her teeth, but the girl was not afraid (“you! You are afraid…!”) and persuaded him to do as she commanded. At first we do not know if Lindworm, outraged by her impudence, will not eat her alive, but there is  this part of Lindworm which wants to obey and – by revealing his weakness to the girl – make him mortal, easy to hurt. And indeed, "And there was nothing left of the Lindworm but a huge thick mass, most horrible to see. Then the girl seized the whips, dipped them in the lye, and whipped him as hard as ever she could. Next, she bathed him all over in the fresh milk. Lastly, she dragged him on to the bed and put her arms round him. And she fell fast asleep that very moment. "

As it has been said, girl’s compassion is the key to Lindworm's transformation but before this act is completed, "the girl confronts Lindworm with his violence on his own terms." Only after reflecting and recognizing his - and consequently her own - destructiveness and aggression (just the way Rey did during the duel on Starkiller Base), the prince-monster is bathed in milk – which symbolizes the milk of his mother – and can be born anew – so he can lay in the arms of woman. Bettelheim said: "If we do not want to be ruled and - in extreme cases – torn apart by our ambivalences, we must recognize them, deal with them in a constructive manner and reconcile with ourselves and our personalities."

Her grief is nothing more but the mercy shown to a monster by a man in him. It is then that the integration of his "ego" with the numinosum happens. As Anna Freud wrote, "The most pressing task of man is to resurrect what he has annihilated in a defensive reaction, i.e. recreate what has been repressed, return to the previous place what has been displaced what he moved, to return to the old place, and integrate what he dissociated.”

 It seems that Ben Solo has a lot work to do! ;)