#* 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝒓𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒚 / headcanon .

[deadwar]

simon has this habit of just. resting his hand on the back of someone's neck. usually it's when they've done some shit and he's just (: puts his large gloves hand on the back of their neck to keep them there and just waits until he can steer them in another direction

[deadwar-a]

WHAT FORM OF LOVE DO YOU EMBODY?

love as violence [ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"

love as tenderness [ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

tagged by: i stole it from @unbearablyindifferent xoxo tagging: @pseudolife ( yeti ! ) / @pseudowar ( roach ! ) , @141s , @calls1gn ( dani ! ) , @labyrnthes ( cassandra ! ) , @fatesalign ( parker ! ) , @kortactics , @hexsreality , and you !

[deadwar]

all this time with the dentist is making me think about how simon is missing his right bottom molar because the cartel yanked it out. while he was awake.

[deadwar]

hi. im here to remind y'all that simon can COOK. this man is so good at it because he's been cooking since he was a child.

he can make the best alfredo pasta. that's his main best dish.

[deadwar]

my favorite thing is even when simon thinks something is absolutely hilarious, he'll just do a little scoff-laugh or small snort and say "Funny" and that's it.

[deadwar]

soldier, poet, king.

The Soldier

"There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down" Righteousness. Strength. Violence. You see a door and break through it. You wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. Remember : love is passion too. You made your own rules and will follow them to death. You try and forget that there is only one rule, and that it is "FIGHT". You are tired of fighting. You try to forget that, too, and keep going. You dream of quiet. Your love is where you heal. God knows you deserve to. (Really. You deserve to.)

---

The King

"There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy" Duty. Strength. Resignation. You were told to do things and you did them. The world is something that was put into your hands and that you must deal with - so you will. You have a rigid back and steady hands, either metaphorically or physically. Is it nature or nurture ? You don't know. You are tired of being steady. You dream of feeling alive. Not that you aren't, but, sometimes, it's hard to remember that there is a heart between your ribs. Your love is where you breathe. Come on, breathe. In. Out. It starts now.

tagged by: stole it from @brvo6

tagging: @pseudowar ( for trick and yeti ! ) , @118diazs , @codebreak , and whoever else wants to!

[deadwar]

on a sadder note, i was on my way home from work and in the middle of my drive remembered

how close gh.ost and s.oap are and how much they would joke around but now when simon has a joke to tell, he has no one to tell it to that would get it because soap isn't here anymore, and sometimes he forgets and he'll start it before he realizes then he's mute the rest of the day and no one else knows why.

[deadwar]

S.R. HEADCANON.

the only files that are public for simon are the ones before the cartel capture and after he's back from the dead. no one except price knows the extent of his injuries that he endured during his kidnapping and torture by the cartel ( and even price doesn't know everything about it ). those have not been documented because: one, he is not telling anyone due to the fact that it could get him discharged / two, he basically "died" right after that so technically, he's legally dead and there's no documentation after that. price created him a whole new file upon coming back. tldr ; nobody, but himself and the people who were involved in the cartel kidnapping ( and they're all dead now ) knows what happened during his capture. price knows very little but just enough. only what simon told him.

[deadwar]

tiny little simon headcanon.

he never went to college or university. graduating and ending his apprenticeship as a butcher, he enlisted. they saw him as a damn good soldier in no time and upgraded him to sas.

due to simon's abusive childhood and things he witnessed growing up, he was able to endure a lot of the grueling training of the military and ended up joining sas a bit faster than most. he wasn't the youngest, but several people were older than him when joining.

[deadwar-a]

i joke abt simon being emotionally stunted but ( at the end of the day it's not funny is it it's serious ) r.oba did so much to him during his capture that it literally permanently damaged the way he feels things. he wasn't able to grieve his family's death because he just couldn't fucking feel it. sadness, happiness, all of these things other people feel normally and in abundance, he doesn't. there's days when all he can do it grieve, all he can do is sit there and cry. but 99% of the time, he just doesn't feel it anymore.

[deadwar-a]

say what you want but soap has every right to be bitter abt ghost leaving him in the streets just as much as ghost had every right to get himself to safety.

soap knowing ghost was around but didn't stay to help him, he's right to feel bitter about it. knowing he was right there the whole time but still didn't give him a closer rv point.. and even though he can absolutely take care of himself, and he knows ghost needed to help himself as well, he still feels like he was left like a wounded animal.

ghost getting himself to safety, making himself a priority during this is also right. he didn't know if soap was dead or not, and if something were to happen to soap then someone needed to rescue alejandro and he needed to get off the streets in order to be able to do that.

[deadwar-a]

simon being so emotionally stunted / shut off that someone is pouring their heart out to him and he just "okay." because what is he supposed to say? he's not ... good with words regarding that and saying them makes it all so real and even if he does return those feelings , what is he supposed to do about it ??? he can't turn himself into this type of man that's going to give them the affection they need or the words they want to hear .

through trauma after trauma , he's been shaped into this type of person that's not going to be able to give someone everything they want in a relationship . he's not gonna be able to do and say all the things that other people ( normal people in his eyes ) would . he thinks it's a million times better to just push them away and not have them that close ; whether they do the same job (1.41) or not , there's just too much to him that won't allow for it .

but when if it happens , when he finally and willingly lets himself have it ... he's the most loyal person you'll ever have . he's not big on pda , the gracious amounts of affection and whatnot , but he gives it in other ways . he'll hold hands , arm around the shoulders , giving them little trinkets he picks up on his missions . little things like that are his love language . also note that unless they've seen his face before ( gh.ost team / certain medical personnel ) , the mask is not budging for a while . it's another one of his things . it's a trust issue that needs to be worked through .

[deadwar-a]

what does your heart look like?

ghost.

iced over, out of the sun Your heart is very lonely, isn’t it? Is your fortress of ice self-made? Are others afraid of you, or are you afraid of them? Are you afraid of hurting them, or of being hurt? Vulnerability and connection can be frightening, but that’s no reason to shy away from their light, to tuck yourself small into corners, to build up frigid walls to keep yourself from feeling. You will heal when you allow yourself to draw closer to the flames and thaw.

soap.

a guiding, golden light Just because you cannot see your own heart doesn’t mean that others can’t. Your heart is blinding, captivating, a fire so bright that others can’t bring themselves to look away. It illuminates the path they follow and cements you as a guiding star for their own wayward hearts. Every experience you’ve lived through has built your lighthouse heart up just a little higher. You are inspirational, a light that doesn’t go out.

tagging: @d4gangera , @calls1gn ( for dani! ), @heord ( for price! ), @desireshonor ( for william! ), @phillyache ( for dennis! ), @sunfollows , and u !!

[deadwar-a]

simon hardly drinks and never gets drunk. if the team gets together to have drinks, he only has one and it's only a small bit of it. he cannot stand alcohol as a whole, but does have one every now and then mostly for social purposes. he's aware he doesn't have to drink at all, but sometimes the burn of it is good.

this mostly has to do with his father. simon has a constant running fear that he could turn into that man at any given time, and he refuses to let alcohol be one of the first things to do it.

[deadwar-a]

simon is a ranch hater until the day he dies (again) (permanently)

[deadwar-a]

also this is a reminder than simon won't do marriage officially. if they wanna say they're married to him then that's fine but as far as the paperwork goes, he won't officially do it because he doesn't want it in his file. for the simple fact that he believes it's a huge liability because people can use it against him. he knows how it goes because he's used it against people before. the less names tied back to him, the better.

and you don't need a big thing and paperwork to be married.