a ghost. her words make you blink slowly, blue hues still focused on the corner of the room almost as if saying the word is gonna make the ghost come back. it does not. yet you cannot bring yourself to look away. it had been years since the last time you had seen anything like that / years since you had allowed yourself to think back to that place and all the unexplainable things you thought you had seen. the things that had haunted you and nell and luke and your mother. the things steve wrote about. cup of whiskey is brought up to your lips, a long sip taken as an attempt to shove down the memories. it is the easy thing to do / act as though it never happened. but it did happen, did it not? shirley had never seen it and she often acted as though you all had lost your minds but…
no. you are not about to lose it so near nell’s funeral. however selfish her choice to end her life had been? ( and may god have mercy on your soul because you cannot help thinking she is selfish ) eleanor is still your baby sister who is gone. tears glisten in your gaze, the same gaze that has still not left the corner of the room. it is not going to move so soon, not while you are drinking away your sorrows and being haunted by horrific images from your past and that big black empty nothing that almost swallows you whole.
❝ our family is full of ghosts, shirl, ❞ you whisper, a dry chuckle breaking out of your lips. ❝ but no, i didn’t see anything. i’m just thinking of nellie alone in that stupid house. thinking of how she didn’t even give us a chance to help her before… ❞ you trail off, knowing fully well you are the one who is selfish for blaming her. but it is easier this way, easier to blame eleanor than to admit you are the one who is selfish. that you are too detached from the rest of your family to do anything about the darkness you knew was haunting your sister. had you not seen it in her eyes that day at her apartment? had you not felt it? had you not pushed her away out of fear it would haunt you too?
it is only then that you finally look at @v0ltais. ❝ the picture you chose is awful, pick another one, ❞ you add, finishing your drink as you point towards the nell picture in the corner you had been staring at for the past few minutes. the same corner where the ghost had showed up. the same corner that darkness was growing in. ❝ pick another one. ❞
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