#* 𝑖 𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒. ›› character study.

[baukitten]

the thing abt penny saying " i don't want to lose who i am just so i can do this job. " is that i will cry every time. she had no idea what she'd be doing when she agreed to join the fbi. she didn't know what it was like to watch the people around her get kidnapped and shot and tortured . she didn't know what it felt like to be shot . she didn't know she was going to figure out how long it takes for someone to strangle someone to death or what decomposing bodies look like . she did it because she didn't want to go to prison . she did it because she'd made a mistake in her heartache that she regretted & don't get her wrong this job - it gives her so much . it gives her a family that she loves so much more than she ever expected . it gives her purpose . it gives her a way to save people and be the kind of hero her parents would be proud of . but it takes so , so , so much of her .

[baukitten]

rewatching season 4 and i completely feel like penny was so upset about kevin applying for a job overseas and then asking her to come with him because she literally couldn't leave the bau . those years are part of her plea deal , she can't even think about leaving ( and she doesn't want to ) & she hasn't even told him about it , it kills her that she hasn't told him about it but she can't fathom how he'll look at her when she does . so she does what she think is best to keep someone she loves from leaving , she hacks the project and keeps kevin close bc the bau , despite all odds, is her home . she never tells him it's her punishment too .

[baukitten]

where does your soul feel at home?

where you are accepted . has it always felt like this? you've found yourself stumbling through days where all you do is voicelessly plead for someone to say you're okay just as you are. for someone to assure you you're welcome here (welcome where? this house? this city? this body? this very galaxy? life itself?). for your own heart to to open up so large it swallows your whole being. have you been cast out? did they make you turn away from yourself and lie into the mirror? sometimes you wake up and feel so utterly alone you think you'll fall apart that very second. but you don't, do you? you don't. you're growing up, you're growing stronger. you've grown one of the most important things a human can grow, a conviction. the conviction that even if it feels like all doors are slammed in your face and both heaven and hell refuse to have you, you know that you'll have you. you, my friend, are growing to accept yourself. and i promise you, i promise with all my heart that you can continue nurturing this flame. and i promise you will find yourself surrounded by it - reflected in the faces of those you love, those who love you. do whatever you can to avoid giving yourself away. these people will come and it will feel like light, it won't be effortless, it won't be easy, but it most definitely won't be heavy. pay attention and when it does feel heavy? remind yourself of what you've known all along. you're a masterpiece, a breathing miracle, you have every damn right to be here. exactly as you are.

[baukitten]

MARCH 8, 1995 - SAN FRANCISCO, CA.

penelope knows, the second she steps into the house , all tipsy toes with her boots dangling from her fingers that something is wrong . all of the lights in the house are on for one ( which isn’t normal when you have parents who go to bed at nine pm ) . she looks through blurry eyes & finally finds a clock that tells her it’s close to three in the morning . quietly as she can , she listens to find that she can only hear whispers coming from the kitchen & when the front door squeaks as she tries to close it so she rush up to her room , they all hush . her mom & dad have got to be pissed , because she’s pretty sure she heard her older brother , who can’t be bothered to come home from school , even though it’s ten minutes away . she can’t blame him , their mom & dad are still hippies in their bones where preston is all frown lines at twenty-four years old & definitely doesn’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night to watch his thirteen year old brother while his parents look for his sister . it’s not like she’d been gone for days , it’d been like six hours ! she pauses at the base of the stairs & waits for her mother to beckon her to the kitchen for the lecture she knows is coming , as if she hadn’t stayed out past curfew a few times when she was eighteen & wild . the beckoning doesn’t come , so she waits for a second more . . . & one more before her eyes fall on the note on the banister . her mother’s lilting voice never comes, only her brother patrick , calling her penny for the first time since he was a teenager . he shouldn’t be here either . her stomach drops as she drops her shoes at the foot of the stairs , shaking fingers as she opens the letter -- dad & i are out looking for you , if you are reading this : stay put. we need to talk ! mom & dad . of course they are , because her parents love her & she’s never wished for them not to come home before this moment . she can already imagine the disappointment in their eyes & it’s a kick to her already topsy turvy stomach . fingers reach up to fiddle with bird on her earring as she slowly makes her way to the kitchen , an absentminded gesture meant to put her nerves at ease but only proves to make the pit in her stomach grow .

her hand falls as she moves through the doorway & all four of her brothers , oldest to youngest , are waiting for her . everyone’s cheeks are tear-stained & she doesn’t think she’s seen any of them cry in years , except carlos . fingers form a fist at her sides & it takes all she has not to rush to her younger brother , to comfort him . nails dig into her palm as rafael stares her down as if she’s just stabbed him in the chest .   ❛   rafa ? preston, i – what are you doing here ?   ❜ she turns to her other brother, patrick, eyes frantic & pleading when she’s met with silence & anger & sad eyes from everyone else in the room . carlos hasn’t stopped silently sobbing since she walked through the doorway to the kitchen but he runs to her & wraps his small arms around her waist when no one else speaks up & she immediately wraps around him . the feeling that has settled deep in her stomach, the one that has only grown since she’d opened the door finally identifies itself – DREAD .   ❛ pat ? what’s going on ? where are mom & dad ? i thought for sure i was gonna get the riot act , y’know ? i meant to be home a while ago but i just – lost track of time .   ❜   the panic sets in & tears fill her eyes as she goes from one sorrowful face to another, her little brother clinging to her like his life depends on it . she knows , then , she just does : her parents aren’t home & they aren’t coming home . . . she’d wished it & made it true as if she’d made a deal with the devil right there in the front hall .   ❛   carlos probably shouldn’t be awake though, right ? he’s got school tomorrow. mom & dad are going to be pissed when they find out he’s up . listen , i didn’t mean to be out so late , you guys shouldn’t have been so worried , we’ll just call mom & dad back home & you can go all go home . they’ll come home & you guys can go . i’m sure they didn’t want to call you so i’m -- i’m really , really sorry . i’ll just call them, they always have their car phone on .   ❜   she tries to be nonchalant as she picks up the phone & starts dialing the number to the phone inside the family suv , even though there’s a voice in the back of her head telling her it’s useless . if they could be there, they would be . carlos wouldn’t be sobbing into her shirt . her three older brothers wouldn’t even be in the house . she wants the lecture , wishes for it now . wishes she could go back to the moment she decided to climb down the trellis & scream at herself to go to bed . be a good girl , be better than you are , be like your brothers . patrick , ever the peacemaker between his unrestrained little sister & the rest of their siblings is the first to move towards her & their little brother , to give his sister the benefit of the doubt because he knows what’s coming . he pulls her into his arms , grabbing the phone out of her hand & holds both of them in his arms.

❛   penny, they’re not going to answer .   ❜   he says so softly that she almost doesn’t hear it. she pushes against his chest, fighting to get away from them as patrick holds onto her . from their sadness . from their pain . from all four of them. from this nightmare that she’s in .   ❛   they were hit by a drunk driver, the police said. they both –   ❜   patrick’s voice catches & the thought is lost when she breaks free , carlos’ tears stalled as he watches in horror as penny tries to get away .

❛   NO ! NO ! NO ! they were just here ! preston, rafa, i swear to god, they were watching a movie ! they weren’t supposed to leave ! it - they never leave !   ❜   her words are punctuated by her small fists pounding against patrick’s chest, when she stops it’s because the breath is knocked out of her & she looks back to rafael & preston . they don’t look her in the eye but she can tell , she can see the disappointment & anger & she’d hoped it was because she’d snuck out & worried everyone but – it’s not . it’s because she’d gotten her parents - their parents - killed . she’d done that . she’d taken them away from all of them .   ❛   i barely even – i was fine, they didn’t have to – they shouldn’t have tried to –   ❜   she breaks off on a sob , holding onto patrick for leverage, worried that if she didn’t have something to hold onto she’d fall to the floor & wait for it to swallow her whole. ( she wants it to. )

❛   it’s not your fault, penny .   ❜   carlos says, wrapping his arms around her again . it makes her feel worse . he’s only thirteen , but they both know that no one else believes the words that have just passed his lips & she doesn’t deserve this boy who loves her so much , who deserves a better big sister . patrick comes back next , holding her just as tightly as carlos is . she breaks when she feels preston arms join them , rafa’s strong hand on her back in an effort to comfort her . she doesn’t deserve it & everyone in the room but carlos knows it .

❛   i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry , i’m sorry . i’m so sorry .   ❜   she’s a broken record, murmuring apologies between sobs & big, heaving breaths that she can’t control . she holds them close , the weight of the guilt that is invading her entire being almost too much . she doesn’t know until much later that this is one of the last times that they’ll all be under the same roof . she can’t know that each of her brothers , except carlos , will systematically cut her off & she won’t fight or blame them for doing it.

[baukitten]

parallels no one asked for  : season one vs season eight !

[baukitten]

post 3-5 songs that remind you of your muse. repost, don’t reblog.

i know girls ( body love )   by   mary lambert   .   try this : take your hands over your bumpy love body naked and remember the first time you touched someone with the sole purpose of learning all of them touched them because the light was pretty on them and the dust in the sunlight danced the way your heart did touch yourself with a purpose your body is the most beautiful royal .

heroes   by   david bowie   .   i, i wish you could swim like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim though nothing, nothing will keep us together we can beat them, for ever and ever . oh we can be heroes, just for one day . i , i will be king and you, you will be queen though nothing will drive them away we can be heroes , just for one day we can be us, just for one day . 

brown-eyed girl   by   van morrison  .   standing in the sunlight laughing hiding 'hind a rainbow's wall slipping and sliding all along the waterfall with you my brown-eyed girl , you, my brown-eyed girl . 

right where you left me   by   taylor swift   .   friends break up, friends get married strangers get born, strangers get buried trends change, rumors fly through new skies but I'm right where you left me matches burn after the other pages turn and stick to each other wages earned and lessons learned but I, I'm right where you left me . 

penelope   by   early eyes   .   you are so young just trying to be so old and you, you need someone to tell you you're not alone . oh penelope, I'm finding it harder to breathe are you falling asleep ? penelope, I'm finding it harder to breathe are you falling asleep ?

[baukitten]

𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙲𝙷 𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙺𝚈 𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄?  

meteor shower . ah, now i understand why people look at you from afar, a little starstruck, a little dazed. there must be magic running beneath your skin. you're truly unique, in the best of ways. you're creative, you like to think outside the box, and the fact that you pour your heart into anything you make is remarkable. anytime you leave, people wish you'd stay a little longer. you remind me of august nights and colorful cocktails. i just wanna tell you that although the universe you've created in your head is welcoming and you don't feel out of place there, sometimes it's okay to hang out here, too. i promise it's worth it, friend.

stolen from: @spxnglr​ tagging : you !

[baukitten]

    ›   sexual  preferences  ,  studies.

bold  —   always  applies   /  she’s  more  than  okay  with   ( if  the  partner  is  willing ) italic   —   sometimes  applies  /  she  could  be  okay  with   ( requires  her  to  be  more  comfortable  w/  someone ) strike  —  never  applies  /  not  comfortable  with  /  hard  limit

*   ›   𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬  /  𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬.

is  submissive  |  is  dominant  | prefers  to  top  |  prefers  to  bottom  |  likes  to  switch  |  identifies  as  heterosexual  |  identifies  as  homosexual  | identifies  as  bisexual  |  identifies  as  pansexual  |  identifies  as  demisexual  |  identifies  as  asexual  | enjoys  sex  with  men |  enjoys  sex  with  women |  enjoys  sex  with  any  sex  /  gender  |  enjoys  sex  with  aliens  |   enjoys  sex  with  androids  |   enjoys  sex  with  monsters  |  enjoys  sex  with  multiple  people  at  once  |  initiates  |  waits  for  partner  to  initiate |  spits  |  swallows  |  prefers  sex  in  the  morning  |  prefers  sex  at  night  |  will  have  sex  anytime  |  no  sex  drive  |  low  sex  drive  |  average  sex  drive  |  high  sex  drive  |  hypersexual  | fluctuating  sex  drive

*   ›   𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲  /  𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞.

small  build   |  medium  build  |  athletic  build  |  muscular  build  |  curvy  build  |  voluptuous  build  |  wears  boxers  | wears  briefs | wears  lingerie  |  goes  ‘ commando ’ |  shaves / waxes |  manscapes  |  doesn’t  shave / wax  |  cup  size  a – c  |  cup  size  d – f  |  1 – 5"  in  length  |  6 – 9″  in  length  |  10”  or  over  in  length

*   ›   𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐬.

is  silent / makes  little  to  no  sounds  |  is  very  quiet  |  is  very  loud  |  grows  in  volume  over  time | bites hand / partner / pillow  to  muffle  themselves | calls  out  partner’s  name |  curses  | growls |  fakes / exaggerates |  prefers  a  quiet  partner  | prefers  a  loud / appropriately  vocal  partner  |  prefers  a  responsive  partner |  is  turned  on  by  dirty  talk  |  is  turned  off  by  dirty  talk

*   ›   𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐬–𝐨𝐧𝐬  /  𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬.

having  their  hands  pinned |  pinning  their  partner’s  hands |  having  their  hair  pulled  | pulling  their  partner’s  hair |  being  watched  ( by  their  partner )  |  being  watched  ( by  a  third  party )  |  watching  their  partner  |  receiving  oral  | giving  oral |  calling  their  partner  ‘ daddy ’ |  being  called  ‘ daddy ’  |  calling  their  partner  ‘ mommy ‘ |  being  called  ‘ mommy ‘  |  calling  their  partner  ‘ master ‘  |  being  called  ‘ master ‘  |  calling  their  partner  ‘ mistress ‘  |  being  called  ‘ mistress ‘ |  calling  their  partner  ‘ sir ’  |  being  called  ‘ sir ’ | giving  praise  |  receiving  praise |  biting / marking  |  being  bitten  /  marked  |  spanking  |  being  spanked | teasing | being teased | having  toys  used  on  them  |  using  toys  on  their  partner  |  giving anal |  receiving  anal  |  choking  |  being  choked  | dirty  talk | being  tied  up |  tying  their  partner  up |  being  worshiped  |  worshiping  their  partner  | humiliating  | being  humiliated  |  degrading  |  being  degraded  |  being  pegged | pegging  their  partner | being  edged  |  edging  |  age gap |  anonymous  sex  |  blood  play |  breeding  |  chastity devices  |  clothed / partially clothed |  deep - throating  |  gun  play  | intercrural  sex  |  knife  play  | lingerie  | nipple  play  |  orgasm  denial |  overstimulation  |  pregnancy  |  prostate milking  |  public  sex | rimming  |  roleplay |  sadism / masochism  |  slapping  |  being  slapped  | spitting  on  /  in  mouth |  being  spit  on  /  in  mouth  |  squirting

*   ›   𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬.

airplane | alleyway | bath |  beach  | bedroom  |  boat  |  bus  |  car  |  cathedral / church  |  cemetery  |  closet  |  concert  |  dressing room |  elevator  |  empty  or  abandoned  building  |  field  |  forest  |  gym  | home  bathroom  |  hospital  |  kitchen  |  library |  movie  theatre |  museum  |  ocean  |  parking lot  |  planetarium  |  pool  |  public bathroom  | rooftop |  school  |  sex  club  |  shower |  tent  |  terrace  |  train  | workplace

[baukitten]

𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵  -  𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆𝙻𝙴𝙳𝙶𝙴  𝚀𝚄𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙸𝚁𝙴.

NEEDINESS , being affirmed and nurtured by others is a central requirement for you to feel safe. This means you can be slow to warm up to other people, which is difficult because what you most need from them is their warmth. Yet you know how to be vulnerable: to let down your defences and accept that you need another person. This lack of pretence is a valuable trait, and ultimately more endearing than the macho efforts others make to deny their childlike sides.

LOYALTY , you are good at sticking with people, even when things get awkward and tricky. You give people a second and third chance, because fundamentally, you are good at recognising people’s good sides (even when there’s quite a lot about them that is not so attractive). Partisanship is actually your strength: you stay on someone’s side for more than intellectual reasons – because they feel like a part of who you are.

REVERENCE , one part of you dreams of giving yourself up – perhaps just for a while – to a hero or mentor. In the right circumstances you can flourish by letting go of your ego. In your inner life, reverence plays out as a willing submission to your own conscience. In the outside world, you might get frustrated searching for something worth believing in – a country, a person, a company – but you will always be open to feeling respect, admiration and wonder.

INDEPENDENCE , you don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests and moves you. You are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. In sex you are more aware than others of impulses which are not entirely conventional. You know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.

EXHIBITIONISM , there’s a strand in your nature which loves making an impression – perhaps with your clothes, or conversation, or in a self-revealing blog or a novel. You like to dramatise yourself, to pose as a unique, perhaps mysterious person, to joke or exaggerate your part in adventures. Though you might more than once have been called a show off, it is actually a generous tendency: you want to please and entertain others. It could be the start of good teaching and leadership.

[baukitten]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓. DON’T REBLOG

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒.

full name:  penelope calliope garcia nicknames / aliases:   pen , penny , garcia , garcie size: 5′ 7″ age: 44 , verse dependent zodiac: aries spoken languages: english , spanish , italian , french

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒.

hair color: blonde ( varies )  eye color:  brown skin tone: white body type:  mesomorph voice:  sultry dominant hand: left posture:  bad , she finds herself hunching over her computer a lot scars: scar on her upper chest from her bullet wound, horizontal scar on her left side from the surgery after she’d been shot, vertical scar on her sternum from the same surgery . tattoos:  two ambrosia flowers ( one purple, one green ) for her mom & dad on her shoulder, ‘ babygirl ‘ written in small cursive on her hip & a pink gladiolus with ‘ still i rise ‘ in cursive as the stem over the scar on her side . birthmarks: none most noticeable features:  dimples .

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃.

place of birth: san francisco , ca hometown: san francisco , ca siblings: carlos garcia, 35 ( stepbrother / estranged ) & rafael emilio garcia, 42 ( stepbrother / estranged ) & patrick jason garcia, 45 ( brother / estranged ) & matthew preston garcia, 46 ( brother / estranged ) parents: barbara marianne garcia ( mother / deceased ) & emilio miguel garcia ( step-father / deceased ). matthew preston davis ( biological father / deceased )

𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄.

occupation: chief technical analyst , liason for the bau  current residence(s):  apartment in quantico, va close friends:  derek morgan , emily prentiss , jennifer jareau , spencer reid relationship status: taken ! financial status:  good not great driver’s license: yes criminal record: [ redacted ]  vices:  ice cream

𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄.

sexual orientation: pansexual libido: high turn-ons: praise , banter turn-offs: being controlling , trying to change her love language: words of affirmation relationship tendencies: honestly ? she tends to keep it light & fun unless she feels like it could go somewhere & stay fun . 

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒.

character’s theme song: happy & sad by kacey musgraves hobbies to pass time:  left or right-brained:  right phobias: clowns self-confidence level:  high

tagged by ; no one !!! tagging ; you !!!