#* ˖ 🕸️ ⠀the longer i'm with him the less i'm alive⠀›⠀( & valentino ). | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

spidersins · 6 months ago

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i think it's verrry important to note how angel refers to valentino at the hotel

it consists of 'my boss' ( canonically with charlie ), and whenever valentino comes up he shrugs him off with casual dismissiveness, referring to him only as "the boss", "big v" or "overlord." it’s easier that way—easier and less complicated. the closest he gets to admitting it is with husk, referring to himself as val's 'favourite toy'. and still, it's vague, still maintaining the pretence that it's a professional interest.

after all, why dig deeper into something so messy and personal when angel himself doesn’t fully know how to deal with it?

deep down though, angel knows valentino isn’t just his boss. it's more than that—it's always been more than that. he hates how much space val takes up in his mind, how the smallest gesture—an offhanded compliment, a rare moment of affection—can set his heart racing despite the poison in their relationship.

admitting to himself, let alone anyone else, that he once cared about valentino—that he still sometimes misses those moments when love felt real—feels like a betrayal of who he’s trying to be now. the toxic truth of it all makes him sick, and yet there are nights when he lies awake, staring at the ceiling, and remembers the fleeting warmth of thinking he mattered to someone.

he won’t admit to himself, much less to anyone else, how much he cares about valentino—or how much he wants val to care about him in a way that isn’t just transactional. that vulnerability feels like a weakness angel can’t afford to expose, especially not to people like charlie, vaggie, or even husk, who might see through the cracks and judge him for it. so, angel keeps the facade up, biting back the truth and laughing it off with his usual snark and deflection.

#* ˖ 🕸️ ⠀out of sins⠀›⠀( ooc ).#* ˖ 🕸️ ⠀let me leave my soul to burn and i'll be breathing it in⠀›⠀( headcanon ).#tagging as a headcanon since it somewhat is #valangel cw #one of the rare times i will tag it #because i think its the closest i've gotten to expanding on them #again ; not really from a shipping point as i've stated before #its more a trauma bond that angel cannot recognise as anything but a strange sense of Need to be around val #something he needs to work on - when he's with the right person to face it properly #* ˖ 🕸️ ⠀the longer i'm with him the less i'm alive⠀›⠀( & valentino ).

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