#*elevator pitch (dash commentary)

[voxiiferous]

Voxtek's ❤️ Steamiest 🤍 Show to Air All Year Now Soliciting Contestants!

Submit your name for a chance to compete for— and win!— the heart and hand of Hell’s Most Eligible Bachelor: the King, Lucifer, himself! (@themosthatedbeingg)

Eligibility requirements: all muses must be of age, OCs and multiples are allowed (this is Hell-- we here at Voxtek would be shocked if you weren't trying to stack the odds in your favour). Submit your resume and head shots to the casting department here at Voxtek (@voxiiferous)

Applications close in 24 hours, so if you want the chance, get them in fast, or else lose to your rivals!

Contestants are allowed and encourage to interact with each other (and maybe even sabotage the competition), all to see who becomes the Bachelor's next consort!

*Voxtek will not be held liable for any damages or maiming incurred as a result of filming.

[voxiiferous]

@transinistor | I felt so compelled to make it real!

[voxiiferous]

@hazbinned

[voxiiferous]

What is your most beautiful feature?

Vox’s most beautiful feature is his bone marrow.

**| Sir, I don’t think you even have bone marrow. And if you do, and it’s on display I think there’s a larger problem than if it’s aesthetically pleasing!

[voxiiferous]

HELLO???? My notifications right now: @protovoxxed (you are a MENACE! That’s not a psychic attack!) featuring One Singular Spam bot in the middle, which is actually the most surreal part of this.

[voxiiferous]

"...I can understand the politics and sex. But why are there so many of you who want to marry me? More than half of you. Who are you people?"

[voxiiferous]

Vox has learned some important things living his life. Perhaps first and foremost among those is that sometimes the best thing you can do is simply say nothing and watch as someone puts their own foot, so squarely into their mouth, you could almost think it intentional.

Vox blinks slowly, and even the other competitors have sort of grown silent. He catches the eye of one of his employees, an aborted motion sort of saying ‘are you hearing this?’ To which his employee nods emphatically.

"I'd say I'm gagged, babe, but uh," his employee certainly seems to be if his bug-eyed expression is anything to go off of. "But this is a live broadcast, and these picture boxes of mine pick up sound as well as visual. I don't think there's a single thing I can say that social media won't be saying right about, oh... now."

@voxiiferous

「 🍓 ❝ Now don't go forgetting I am the lead of our duet. After all, I will always come out on top. So enjoy the view from the bottom beneath my boot. ❞  」

[voxiiferous]

How well do you know Vox? | @theshadowandthehost

"On the whole, quite good. But these boots aren't made for walking, darling, unless they're walking out of my closet."

[voxiiferous]

Vox can see that his alternate is, shall he say, Causing Some Shit, and is-- wisely-- absenting himself from these shenanigans!

Sometimes you just need to learn when to back away from a hot mess. This is one of those time.

...he should check his carbon monoxide alarm though, just in case. He wants to make sure the madness isn't spreading.

[voxiiferous]

Vox was does your husband smell like I hear it's pretty bad.

Meant: @radioaf

Vox considers it for a long moment. There's something to be said for the fact that it varies-- there was that one time they fought and ended up crashing into the perfumery... at which point it had mostly been an eye-watering combination of a dozen different scents.

As for most of the time? "Spices," not cinnamon or other warm spices. He almost wants to say cumin, but that's wrong. "If you want more specifics, you'd need to know whats used in cajun cuisine."

But there's more to it then that. "Metallic. Blood, you know how it is. And then just... soap." Not even a sickening scented soap, just... soap.

[voxiiferous]

How do you handle hypersexual partners when you aren't, yourself?

Vox shrugs, and waves a hand in dismissal. “Val sleeps with other people. I suspect that would work equally as well for anyone else.”

“Even then, it’s boring and not all that rewarding, but I’m perfectly capable of it. Sometimes I even want it. Mostly, I think it would have to depend on a case by case basis,”

[voxiiferous]

**| A new and improved bingo for Vox!

[voxiiferous]

"My mother did the best that she could, and I do love her." Vox says, the missing but not wholly unimplied 'but' hanging at the end of the statement.

"She's not here. I'd know if she was. I'm just sorry she didn't get the life she wanted,"

[voxiiferous]

^^the look of a man who’s spent decades sharing his on again-off again boyfriend with Angel Dust and what seems like a quarter of Pentagram City.

[voxiiferous]

Preferences and why

Vox is a bottom bc thats just ur preference and theres nothing deep behind it

"Well this all seems a bit prescriptive. Do you know how boring doing only that would be?"

[voxiiferous]

Behold a wholly normal distribution of notes on my activity graph. This is not inflated at all, there are no statistical outliers who go by @protovoxxed, @arachn0philia, and @arachnaemboss, and should most definitely be counted.