#*insert unstable cackling here*

[kifu]

Yo. What if I went back to my forum Artist's Block, yeah?

[theredpendulum]

Chapter 1: Welcome

“Alright, that’ll be thirty-four eighty-one. Go ahead and insert your card.” My smile is getting tired. I hate this town.

The middle aged white woman at my register has already snapped at me twice in the last two minutes, and I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m having violent thoughts. 

She swipes her card, and I repeat to her that it has to be inserted since it’s a chip. While she reads the LCD screen she opens and closes her lips like a sixth grader, mocking me for speaking. Once the transaction processes, I wish her a good day, and she leaves the store in a flurry of leopard print leggings and Barbie-pink cowgirl boots.

“I hope your car’s heater is broken, you smooth-brained troglodyte.” I whisper through my grinning teeth quiet enough that she can’t hear me.

“I hate customers.” Jeb pulls his pocket knife out to open a fresh box of plastic bags to reload his station. It’s chipped here and there along the blade, and the handle has a long thin crack going down the left side. I hate that I’ve worked here long enough to be familiar with that stupid knife.

“Me too. At least we’re getting paid.” I shrug.

Jeb nods while distractedly cutting small notches in the edge of the now empty cardboard box, and his eyes look unstable. Distant, and turbulent. 

“You should put your knife away before Aubrey sees you have it out.” His eyes roll back into his skull.

“Whatever.” He mutters and stabs the box. Lifting the box like a slab of ham on a carving fork, he begins to carry it to the back. I watch him go for a moment to make sure he actually closes his blade. He does.

Working with Jeb is like… well he’s a 16 year old boy. That should be sufficient information. He can be funny, and friendly, and bizarrely entertaining, and just the worst sometimes. Today feels like an off day for him. I wonder what went wrong in his morning. Maybe Henry dumped him. They’ve been having drama lately. I should ask. There’s only about five customers in the store right now, and they’re all still milling around aimlessly so we probably have a minute or two to chat. I can see him coming back over. His eyebrows look like they weigh a hundred pounds each.

“Hey.” I tap my fingers on the counter.

“Hey.” He’s got a rubber band in his fingers. He’s twisting it and squishing it into a wiggly blob of dusty red rubber. 

“So… How’s Henry?” I bite the inside of my cheek. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.

Jeb looks up at me like I just gave him socks for Christmas.

“He’s fine.”

He sucks his teeth, and stretches the rubber band across his hand, and aims at me. I flinch, and he pulls a half-dead smile. He switches his aim to the ceiling, and lets go sending the rubber band into the brightly colored foil snow man above our heads. I catch it, and toss it in my drawer.

“Hey! That’s mine!”

“I’m taking self-protective measures.” I wink and aim finger guns at him. “Pew pew.”

The rest of the day goes by just as boring and frustrating as usual. A man asks me if my hair is a wig, a woman tells me that her apples are apples, and a child asks me if I am pregnant. I’m...definitely not. When 10pm finally makes it’s blessed arrival, Jeb and I wish our last customer a good night, and then play Mother Mother from my phone while we wipe down the registers and sweep the floor. My feet feel like ground beef. My shoes are coming off.

“It’s a sin that these stupid Christmas decorations are up already. We literally just had Halloween. The Spook Gods are gonna be displeased by Craig’s heinous actions.” I enter my employee code, and take my till out of the drawer.

“Yeah he’s gonna get hexed or something for sure. We have witches in this town, you know. Henry told me.” Jeb sticks his broom between his legs, squats, and cackles.

This makes me crack up. I’m glad today hasn’t completely beat the immaturity out of him.

“You look like Discount Harry Potter. And they’re not that kind of witch. They just like collecting crystals and wearing black.” I walk past him into the manager’s office to count up my till. Jeb makes fart sounds to himself to the rhythm of the music and resumes sweeping. 

“Hey Aubrey.” I sit down at the desk, and start punching numbers. “It’s all wiped down out there.”

“Cool. Thanks.” My Manager has drifted off to another universe. The sounds of some kind of puzzle game beep and boop from her phone. 

*fwAHP*

“OW. WH?!” 

Jeb cackles at the doorway at having successfully hit his target. I look down at the desk in front of me and see the rubber band. 

“I should’ve put that in my pocket, you wiener.” I rub my forehead, and wish Aubrey a good night.

Jeb waves to me as he walks out the door. “G’night, Marlo!” he crows.

“Night, Jeb!” I half heartedly salute him, and sit down to put my sneakers back on. I would just carry them, but I remember seeing broken glass outside when I got here.

By the time I have finished tying my laces Jeb has driven away, and Aubrey has made her way to the door. 

“Let’s go.” She motions for me to follow. 

I flop my bag onto my shoulder, and step out the door. She turns the key, and gives the door a test tug to make sure it’s secured.

“Hey have a good night.” 

She gives me a tired smile, and a wave before climbing into her car and pulling away. I throw up a peace sign and head to the back of the lot towards my beat up 2001 Honda prelude. There’s duct tape on the back bumper from a hit and run that happened four years ago. I still haven’t gotten around to replacing that yet… I should do that at some point… I’m so tired. I open my door and climb in. I want nothing more than a hot drink, and some me time. My legs are numb from standing up all day.

Suddenly, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Warm air is being blown onto my skin from behind. I’m not alone. Horror injects itself into every cell in my body in a single millisecond.

“Welcome.” 

A voice like a creaking floorboard rasps behind me. My keys fly out of my hand, and I lurch out the door. I leave it hanging open and run towards the store front. “HELP!!! HELP ME!!!” I scream as loud as my panicking heart and lungs can muster. I don’t slow down. I slam into the front door, and grab the handle. I desperately tug, but the dread is only getting stronger within my body. I know it’s locked. I watched Aubrey lock it.

I turn too look behind me to see if anyone is chasing me. No one. Nothing there. There isn’t a living thing in sight. There are tears running down my nose. I can’t breathe right. My lungs are twitching and lurching like beetles turned onto their backs. I stand still clutching my sleeves for a moment. It’s completely quiet. The moon lights up the lot with a cold distant glow. The moon is usually comforting to me, but right now it feels menacing. 

What do I do??? ….911! I’ll call the cops!

I scramble to get my phone, but I quickly realize that it is sitting hostile in my bag on the front seat. Whoever is in my car has everything. My phone, my wallet, my keys, …I’m dead. I’m so dead. My eyes shiver and start to squeeze out sharp cold tears. 

“Crap.” My voice cracks as it shudders back and forth. I can feel my knees wobbling, my back muscles twitching. I have to decide on something to do. My feet sting. I can’t stand here at the shop door all night. I step slowly towards my car. Maybe I imagined it. Maybe it’s just exhaustion. I know I can have an elaborate imagination. I might be freaking out over nothing.

“Hello?” I call out. 

Nothing.

“HELLO?!” Louder.

Nothing.

I walk closer and closer to the dangling door. It looks like a dislocated jaw. I hate this.

I hate this.

I hate this.

I hate this!

I HATE THIS!

“If there’s anyone there, I’ll beat the- the SHIT out of you!” I yell at my car. I ball my fists up, and raise them to my chest.

Nothing. Not even a rustling. 

“I’m serious! I’ll end you!” I say with a little less conviction.

“This is your last chance! h-Here I come!” I step slowly towards my car and look into the back window. I don’t see anyone. My car is completely empty except for my bag which lies undisturbed on the seat. My keys are still on the floor. Frick. I’m not okay. 

“Get home. Get in, get home, get in. Just get home.”

I get into my car as fast as I can, and shut and lock the door in one motion. My head on a swivel, I stick my key in and turn. The engine makes a wheezing warbling sound and then sputters into a steady hum. That’s not normal. I don’t have time to worry about that right now. I speed out of the parking lot like a squirrel on caffeine. My leg won’t stop bouncing as I drive. It still feels like someone is in the backseat. I check the rear view mirror a thousand times in the fifteen minutes it takes me to drive home. At the first stop sign I reach I stand on the break, and crane my neck back to check the floor in the back in case someone is crouching down back there. There’s nothing. I’m still scared. What if I’m being followed?... I can’t think about that. That’s too scary right now.

I pull into my driveway, and sprint to my front door. Feeling paranoid now I jiggle the knob to make sure it’s still locked since I left it this morning. It is. I unlock it, go inside, and slam the door behind me. I lock the knob and the bolt. I can’t stop shaking. Everything hurts. I might vomit. I turn on the lights to my living room and kitchen, and grab a chef’s knife from the block. I carry it with me to the pantry and retrieve the kettle and a box of red raspberry leaf tea. I need to calm down. This is the part of living alone that seriously sucks sometimes. I have no one here to watch my back if something happens. I need a dog or something. A really big dog. 

I make my tea, and sit down at my computer. I load up Pitchfork, Cottage Simulator. The wholesome artwork and cute villagers in my little pixelated mountain town will hopefully at least bring my heartrate down. I work on my little carrot garden, trade some wool for a fish at the little market, and get started on decorating a new room in my cottage. The next several hours melt away into the night. Eight-bit guitars and hot herbal tea are really great for anxiety attacks. 

Lying in bed, my room feels crooked. The energy is bad. My body is a lot more calmed down, but my brain won’t settle into place. I really wish I had a dog… 

[gokinjeespot]

Monday, August 28, 2017

 Sorry about not posting last week. I went for my annual mini stay at Round Lake with Penny and did not read any of the comic books that I brought with me. This week's off the rack is kind of sparse because we hosted our friend Ken Steacy from Victoria for a few days. Ken drew a lovely picture of Mary Jane Watson for me which thrilled me to no end. All my geek friends are envious.

 Batwoman #6 - Marguerite Bennett & James Tynion IV (writers) Renato Arlem (art) Adriano Lucas (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). This series goes in a whole new direction and will be a complete surprise to fans following Kate's adventures. It's the future and Gotham City has changed a lot. I can't say that I like this new story but die hard Kate fans will be happy to see some familiar older faces show up.

 American Way #2 - John Ridley (writer) Georges Jeanty (pencils) John Livesay, Danny Miki & Paul Neary (inks) Nick Filardi (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). This story has more impact now because of what happened in Charlottesville, USA recently. It isn't pretty, that's for sure.

 Invincible Iron Man #10 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Stefano Caselli (art) Marte Gracia & Israel Silva (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). That was fun. Riri's Latverian adventure comes to an end and everybody lives happily ever after, but just in case you think that will last the last panel will send chills up and down your spine. I love this book.

 Totally Awesome Hulk #22 - Greg Pak (writer) Robert Gill (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). The conclusion of W.M.D. introduces Weapon H. He's one hybrid that I think will be a big hit with fans. And if the near instant sell out is any indication, copies of this issue will be a collector's item.

 Generations: Wolverine & All-New Wolverine #1 - Tom Taylor (writer) Ramon Rosanas (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This was a good one. Logan and Laura fight a bunch of ninjas but it's the emotional good-bye that got to me. It reminded me that Wolverine died. Well done Tom. It would be great if Ramon was the regular artist on Laura's book.

 Dark Nights Metal #1 - Scott Snyder (writer) Greg Capullo (pencils) Jonathan Glapion (inks) FCO Plascencia (colours) Steve Wands (letters). Ready or not here comes another major threat to all 52 universes of the DCUs. Remember Blackest Night? Bigger than that. You can't get any bigger until the next big event. So Scott is going to weave this tale with every bit of DC material available including some surprising characters that I never would have associated with the good old Justice League. If you're a big DC or Justice League fan you might get into this. Me, I'm going to pass just like it did with Marvel's Secret Empire.

 Genius: Cartel #1 - Marc Bernardi & Adam Freeman (writers) Rosi Kampe (art) Brad Simpson (colours) Troy Peteri (letters). I remember reading the first Genius mini introducing Destiny Ajaye in 2014 and liking it but this new mini starts off too much like Nick Spencer's Morning Glories to interest me enough to want to keep reading. If you want to see how a secret government military agency manipulates Destiny then have at it.

 Star Wars #34 - Jason Aaron (writer) Salvador Larroca (art) Edgar Delgado (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). My favourite thing about these new Star Wars stories is how they are introducing cool new characters to the franchise. I love Doctor Aphra and her homicidal droids and now we have a solo adventure with Han's "wife" Captain Sana Starros, the smuggler. The art technique that Salvador uses to make Lando and Han look like Billy Dee Williams and Harrison Ford is pretty neat.

 Aquaman #27 - Dan Abnett (writer) Stjepan Sejic (art & colours) Steve Wands (letters). The secret of the mysterious guy who looks like Arthur is revealed. Meanwhile Mera is trying to find a way to get into Atlantis and enlists the help of Aqualad. Garth's looking hip with the tattoos and goatee.

 Luke Cage #4 - David F. Walker (writer) Nelson Blake II (art) Marcio Menyz (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This is turning out to be a journey of self discovery for Luke. There are a lot of bad guys to keep track of but that only makes the hero stand out more.

 Super Sons #7 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Jorge Jimenez (art) Alejandro Sanchez (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Superboy helps the Teen Titans restore Robin to his old self again. You'll get the joke if you read the 2-part "Planet of the Capes" story. It was nice seeing Starfire again.

 The Mighty Thor #22 - Jason Aaron (writer) Russell Dauterman & Valerio Schiti (art) Matthew Wilson, Veronica Gandini & Rain Beredo (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). Sindr, the Queen of Muspelheim reminds us that the War of the Realms is still ongoing as Malekith and Loki pay a visit. The meeting is interrupted by War Thor and a fearsome battle ensues. I must say that I prefer the hotness of Sindr to her dad Surtur.

 Wonder Woman #28 - Shea Fontana (writer) David Messina (art) Romulo Fajardo Jr. (colours) Saida Temofonte (letters). David Messina is a new name that I've just added to the artists list and he did a good job on part 3 of "Heart of the Amazon". A bounty has been put on Diana and bad guys are coming out of the woodwork to collect it.

 Spider-Men II #2 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Sara Pichelli (art) Elisabetta D'Amico (inking assistant) Justin Ponsor (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). We find out who hired Taskmaster and the answer will surprise fans all the way from here to Manhattan. I love when Peter and Miles team up.

 Superman #29 - Keith Champagne (writer) Doug Mahnke (pencils) Jaime Mendoza with Scott Hanna & Rob Hunter (inks) Wil Quintana & Tony Avina (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Part 1 of "A Minute Longer" brings back a couple of super villains who we haven't seen in a long time. Don't think too hard about how they've returned, just enjoy the art and super conflict that Clark has to face. Could see Hal Jordan popping in this story.

 Astonishing X-Men #2 - Charles Soule (writer) Mike Deodato Jr. (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). The five team members sent to the astral plane to defeat the Shadow King are in grave peril. One of them is not who we think he is. I'm thinking that person will make a big difference when the battle is joined.

 Batman #29 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (pencils) Hugo Petrus & Mikel Janin (inks) June Chung (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). This is the most intense dinner party ever depicted in a comic book. Tom is killing it with this story. Mikel's Joker is grim and his Riddler is a far cry from the cackling Frank Gorshin on TV. "The War of Jokes & Riddles" is still keeping me guessing and coming back for more.

 Archie #23 - Mark Waid (writer) Audrey Mok (art) Kelly Fitzpatrick (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). Riverdale responds to the accident that has devastating consequences for one of the major characters. I'm not fond of Archie as a bumbler but Mark shows us that his heart is in the right place.

 Plastic #5 - Doug Wagner (writer) Daniel Hillyard (art) Laura Martin (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). This will probably be the weirdest comic book story that I will read this year. The "hero" is a mentally unstable guy who is in love with an inflatable sex doll. I liked the art and the ending was satisfying. It's a straight up revenge story that will make you cringe.

 Generations: The Unworthy Thor & The Mighty Thor #1 - Jason Aaron (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). These Generations one shots are definitely worth reading if you're a fan of the characters featured. This may just be a simple case of the two Thors fighting Apocalypse but Mighty learns a lesson from a young Unworthy here.

 Batman/Shadow #5 - Scott Snyder & Steve Orlando (writers) Riley Rossmo (art) Ivan Plascencia (colours) Clem Robins (letters). Uh oh. Batman's dying and the villain is destroying any chance of saving him. The Shadow doesn't know what to do now. Insert maniacal laughter here.

 Sabrina #8 - Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (writer) Robert Hack (art & colours) Jack Morelli (letters). Sabrina has a steep price to pay for bringing her boyfriend back from the dead and we find out what it is on the last page. Waiting two months for the next issue is going to kill me.