#*quietly publishes another crackship fic in the middle of the night*

[vladamsandler]

Here’s that Áfram Latibær Mayor Milford Meanswell/Officer Obtuse (Lolli Lögga) fanfiction I promised the Succateers literally weeks ago.

OO: The BigTown boys were going to try to steal the cup, probably to sell it… but I caught them! MM: Well, it’s very unsportsmanlike to try to steal the cup. OO: Right! MM: It’s good that LazyTown has such a good policeman, Officer. OO: Yeah, I have even started working out. MM: Oh yeah? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Fuck The Police

Word count:1348

Milford smiles as he watches the LazyTown kids run off with the new national trophy to show Íþróttaálfurinn. He was so proud of them. They really turned things around for this town, working together to better themselves and restore the city’s reputation as a place for healthy, happy living.

He’s broken out of his thoughts by a hand slapping down onto his shoulder. He whirls suddenly but relaxes at the sight of that familiar big, bushy mustache. “Oh, Lolli, it’s just you.”

“Hey, Mayor! What a day, right?”

Milford chuckles and wraps his arm around his friend’s back, reciprocating the embrace. “I knew they had it in them all along. All it took was a little motivation by that friendly sports elf!”

“I’m just glad those BigTown boys were put in their place. Serves them right for trying to cheat like they did! Say, how ‘bout a pint to celebrate?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Milford responds with a warm smile. The two men start walking to the local pub in the dimming evening light. They remain in a half-embrace as they stroll together through the streets of LazyTown.

“You know, I really can’t thank you enough for capturing those thieves last night. I can’t imagine the disappointment on the kids’ faces if those BigTown boys had gotten away with that.”

“Oh, please, Milford. It’s my pleasure. I’m just doing my job, after all.”

They smile at each other affectionately and remain in a comfortable silence until they reach the pub. The men sit in the same booth they always sit at and order the same drinks they always order. It’d become somewhat of a tradition between them, sitting together at the pub, drinking beer and whatnot. Their friendship has grown over the years in this booth. Its scratched table and worn seats hold memories of laughter and tears, conversations of joy and comfort bringing the two friends closer and closer everytime they share a drink here together.

Officer Obtuse removes his tight hat after the waitress replaces their empty beer glasses with a second round, and rubs his eyes with a tired sigh. Milford smiles watching him run his fingers through his hair with his head propped up on one hand. “You’ve really been working out?” he asks, genuinely curious.

The officer blushes and takes a swig of beer. “Yeah, I started running again.” He smiles watching the bubbles rise in his drink.

“Oh yeah? That’s great!” Milford pushes his glasses up and takes a sip of beer himself.

The officer looks up with a shy grin. “You should join me sometime!”

Milford frowns at the words. “Yeah, I know should start working out again… The excitement of the past couple of days has made me realize just how out of shape I’ve become.”

Officer Obtuse’s eyes widen and he sputters, “NO, I didn’t mean it like that Milford!” The mayor looks up at him with a small frown. “I just meant, that uh, it would be a good excuse to hang out a little more often…” he rubs his face. What is he saying? “All we ever do together off the clock is sit around drinking beer. I thought maybe we could try doing something healthy together for once, just like what Íþróttaálfurinn showed everyone…” He blushes at his rambling. This beer is hitting his system sooner than it normally does.

Milford smiles at his other friend. “I’d like that.”

They chat away the hours, discussing the events of the competition and reminiscing about the good ole days as they get woozy on the alcohol. Milford is interrupted in the middle of recounting his first day in office by a loud voice over at the bar. The two men in the booth turn to look at some drunkard harrassing the staff with deep frowns.

“BigTown would’ve won if it weren’t for that stupid elf! He meddled with competition, I know he did!”

The man sways in his seat and leans over the counter to point at the barman.

“You LazyTowners are a bunch of no-good cheaters!”

Officer Obtuse turns back to address Milford, “Looks like someone’s had a little too much to drink. I’ll take care of this.”

Milford watches in concern as his friend gets up from the booth and sways in the direction of the ruckus. The officer never seems to let himself remain off the clock for very long, always insisting on fulfilling his duty to protect the town citizens even in such a situation as this, when he’s obviously just as impaired as this disgruntled drunkard. Milford stands to move behind his friend, not trusting that the impending altercation would resolve itself without his intervention.

“Alright buddy, let’s pack it up. You’ve had enough for tonight,” Officer Obtuse announces, gripping the drunkard’s shoulder.

“Get off me you dirty, lying LazyTowner!” the drunkard barks, swaying backwards in his seat to shove the hand off his arm gruffly.

“Hey now, that’s Officer dirty, lying LazyTowner to you, mister!” Officer Obtuse blinks heavy eyes under a furrowed brow, waving a finger at the other man. “That’s right pal! I have the authority to remove you from this premises if you don’t care to take your own leave!” The threat would’ve been more intimidating without the slurring.

Milford rubs his eyes for a moment before stepping forward to stand between his drunk friend and the man standing up from the bar.

“You tryin’ start something with me, cheater?? You rotten pigs ain’t got nothin’ on BigTown!” The drunkard pushes up his sleeves and takes a step forward.

“Now, now, everybody just calm down,” Milford pleads, holding his hands up. “I’m sure we can all resolve this in a calm, peaceful manner like the adults we all are.”

His words are stopped by a suckerpunch to the nose.

The barman hops quickly over the counter to restrain the drunkard as Officer Obtuse starts yelling. Milford hisses and holds his face, grabbing onto the nearest booth seat with a pained grimace. He accepts the napkins pressed into his hand by a friendly onlooker and maneuvers himself into a sitting position on the seat as the other men wrestle the drunkard out of the bar with a cacophony of shouting.

Soon after, the bar is quickly cleared out by the aggravated owner except for the mayor and the officer. Milford sits in the hallway behind the bar with his head tilted back against the wall, pressing a cloth napkin full of melting ice cubes against his swollen nose. At least the bleeding had been mild.

“Ugh, god.” Officer Obtuse stands nearby, shaking his head. He rubs his eyes and takes another sip of water. “I am so sorry about this, Milford.”

The mayor chuckles. “Just another day on the force, huh? Really, it’s fine. Not your fault.”

“Let’s see now?”

Milford removes the icepack and blinks up at the man leaning over him. He hisses slightly when the officer carefully presses his fingers against the bridge of his nose.

“Well, it doesn’t appear to be broken.” Officer Obtuse sighs. “Oh, here. I found these on the floor.” He tucks the mayor’s glasses into the front pocket of his shirt.

“Thank you,” Milford says quietly with an amused smile. He looks up again at the concerned look in the officer’s eyes and laughs, “You know, I think maybe you’re right about us finding some other way to spend our off-duty hours. Perhaps this was all a sign that the two of us have outgrown this kind of passtime.”

Officer Obtuse smiles and pushes the mayor’s hair back off his forehead with gentle fingers. “Yeah, Milford, you could be right about that.”

The mayor smiles affectionately at his friend. “I’d be happy to go work out with you, Lolli, but… You know you don’t need to come up with some excuse to spend time with me, don’t you?”

Officer Obtuse blushes and looks down at the floor with a small smile, shuffling his feet.

Milford stands with a laugh and holds the officer by the chin. “C'mon, brave man. Let’s head on home.” He pecks him on the cheek and wraps an arm around his shoulders.

They hold each other as they exit the pub and laugh about the excitement of the night as they stroll together again through the quiet streets of LazyTown.

~