#042713

[ventsesh-widd-jaddaay]

Summer ‘13  Our awkwardness slowly drifted away as we got more and more comfortable with each other. Those 3 amazing months together were the happiest. Even the little fights and arguments made me happy. The last day of summer. It was still every humid but it was sprinkling.  I kissed your sweet lips goodbye as the night sky drops water on our faces. I flash back to the first day of summer saying….’this summer is going to be ours’. And I come back to now and I hold your face and gaze into your eyes. I cant help but think im so lucky to have you in my life.

Summer 2013 is forever my favorite.

[hungerandpalpitations]

He kissed my scars. The ones on my arms. I never knew how much it'd mean to me. It means a lot. I feel like everything will be okay.

[19960716]

Dream // 042713

I don't remember much and I hate myself. But I was really close with infinite. :( Like idk we were FRIENDS I was best friends with them and obviously I liked myungsoo more than that. But yeah they were electing officer positions within their group and it was so dumb lol they're so silly and I made fun of sungyeol and sungjong and I were really close too. And they needed help bc they were going to drop off a present at some of their fan's houses for Christmas and turns out they tried sneaking a gift to my house ugh and also we wanted to Disney world UGH and then that might since it was pretty late, I slept over their apartment and myungsoo's and my bed were connected a the corners and When everyone knocked out I just rolled over and we slept and cuddle together wtf I'm finna cry right here tbh ok and then we woke up and we were worried if anyone saw us but it was whatever and yeah I'm done..... THERE WAS SO MUCH MORE OK time to cry in bed now bye

[ohlehdewwwit]

as much as i adore you, i think it’s due time that i come to the realization that you don’t want me.

[simplyyjess]

It's a bad habit to cling onto something that you worked so hard for, especially when you know it's no good for you. Why do I keep desperately fighting? Afraid? Afraid of losing what I once cherished? I thought a lot of good could come out of it. But that's the thing: things don't always go the way you thought it would. Sure, I should fight for what I want, but what draws the line? What is it that says, it's time to stop fighting, and move on?

It's time to allow others to be happy. It's time to let go of the past, and look towards a better future. "Do things in college that you normally wouldn't do." Let go of what was once there. Allow them to find happiness in their own way, with their own people.

Letting go. Too easily, I would say. Stupid me. Thinking I was better off, thinking that I knew what I wanted, when I really didn't. And I still don't. I'm sorry for letting you walk away. Sorry for the things I should have said, but never having the courage to say them. Though, from this, I learned to say how I feel, and to say what I want before it's too late. Sad, though. That it's already a little too late. Much, too late, actually. I've learned to always cherish what comes first, the ones who love me most, and to always return the love ten fold. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.

Always overcompensating sadness with happiness. Digging my own grave. When will I hit rock bottom? When will I hit the core to make me realize how deep into every situation I get myself into? Why do I keep allowing myself to run on this supposed "hamster wheel"? Allowing myself to play reruns of this cycle. You were probably right. I need to find a genuine heart; one who can handle all this bullshit.

I'm not overly happy. That's not how I saw it. It was a realization of what I've lost. How far deep into that disaster I was in. It's stupid, because I knew that I was digging, deeper and deeper, but never stopping to realize the consequences of what I was doing. It was a realization of stupidity and failure. Though, I really was honestly happy of what was finally said. The truths that were told. The buried lies that finally surfaced. It could have been something amazing. But look how it turned out.

It's once again, time to learn to live on my own. To wander this place alone. To be alone, and to feel lonely. To wither away. To stop trying. To sink back into that sea and be lost; always lost. Good thing I know how to swim; though I wonder how long I'll stay afloat.

[murielatboardingschool-blog]

April 27th, 2013: Cornel West? Cornel West.

It seems like boarding school life is so much more fast-paced than regular life. I guess living in a rigorously busy environment fast forwards so many things I do regularly. I always seem to have the next commitment, or the homework assignments I have to cram into the fifteen minutes between, or those ten minutes I need to get to the music building. Now that I am on a short break/long weekend, I finally have time to slow down and observe my surroundings that were previously blurred because of my hectic schedule. For one thing, spring is finally here! I now also have time to record and reflect on important events that happened in the past few weeks.

I thought a good place to start with the catching-up is an extraordinary visitor we had a few weeks ago. Cornel West (feel free to Google him) is a philosopher, author, and activist among other things. Frankly, one reason as to why his speech was so well received is his fame. He is definitely an amazing public speaker but most students cannot recall the message of the speech he gave to us that day because all they noticed was his fame.

I signed up for a luncheon with him and was lucky enough to sit at the reserved seats and talk to him personally. He is exceptionally inspiring not only because he knows how to motivate and excite youth with fresh thoughts, but also because he knows the importance in making all of us feel important. One aspect of his speech addressed the fact that our generation would be the ones to make the difference. He worried for our generation, but every single day, he sees improvement. He sees ordinary people accomplishing amazing feats and the range of our collective human minds getting broader and broader. He is a man who is not afraid of stating his opinion. In fact, he told us specifically about his experiences with harsh critics who oppose his opinions by targeting him blatantly.

It is hard to relay everything he said that day but they still resound in my head. He started with the importance of education, stating several times how fortunate we are to be able to attend a prestigious boarding school. He then moved on to several different topics spanning from the pursuit of justice to the power of our own generation. I still have so much to learn, not just from him, but in general. But I think this is a good place to start, a rigorous environment with flashes of inspiration in the form of speakers.