#05. A SHADOW OF MY FORMER SELF. ( * ANSWERED )

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [04]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut in future chapters w.c; 5k a/n; lot of angst in this one!! if your heart aches i urge u to do what i do and hug some stuffies (my current fav stuffie is my bt21baby cooky) i hope u enjoy more of w1!jk, ty for all the love pls share and like if you enjoy!  

[03] [04] [05] -> masterpost

W1. 

Jungkook is strongly advised not to visit you. 

Jungkook has been strongly advised over the past two weeks not to visit you, despite the fact that visitors have been allowed since two days ago considering the fact that you are confirmed comatose. 

A coma. You’re in a coma. It’s weird how much the notion echoes in Jungkook’s thoughts, constantly nudging the back of his mind like a petulant child wanting an out. He’s never met anyone who’s been in a coma before, the condition only reserved for late night melodramas and medical movies. 

And in all of those shows, the person bedridden until further notice always looks like a wreck. He feels like ripping his heart out at the thought of you with tubes and liquids going in and out of your body, face ashen and devoid of any thought other than pain. He needed to see you, to support you even if you didn’t know. 

After days of persistence and Namjoon’s inability to say no to Jungkook, Namjoon agreed to let Jungkook swing by the hospital after his solo recordings. He couldn’t get there fast enough, knowing Namjoon is already there and probably taking care of you. 

He takes slow steps to your room, as if trudging through a sea of molasses. Careful to not let his combat boots strike the linoleum, he catches the tail end of a conversation. Your room is large enough for two patients, but so far you’re the only one checked in. There are three other people in your room, concealed by a thin curtain revealing them as shadows. Jungkook lingers behind, staring intently at the shadow of your figure laying in bed. 

“How inhiberated was your friend the night of the incident?” Jungkook’s presuming it’s your nurse, going over protocol. 

The second voice is Sehlyung, the bubbly coordinator who immediately befriended you the week you got hired. Her voice is no longer chipper, but strained and weak, as if she’s been crying for days. 

“I don’t know exactly how much,” she sniffs, “but it was a lot. She had a rough day, I—I just wanted to help her forget a little,” her soft cries reverberate throughout the white-walled room. “I should’ve, I should’ve helped her upstairs. I knew how messed up she was and I left her alone!” 

Jungkook’s fists clench beneath his hoodie, familiar moisture creeping into his eyes. 

Sehlyung’s words felt like a jab to his form, already aching at the wounds in his own heart. It isn’t the answer the nurse wants, but it seems like the poor woman has been holding in a lot of pent up stress. Namjoon’s trying to placate her, and Jungkook can see the way he’s patting your friend’s shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “No one’s blaming you, so please don’t blame yourself,” Namjoon’s words are like a balm to the proverbial wound, “Nurse, is it possible to project how long it’ll take until she wakes up?” 

“Hard to say,” your nurse replies, and has the decency to sound sad, “it could be weeks, or even months. Judging by her high amount of brain activity however, she’s predicted to awake with very minimal brain damage.” 

Brain damage? 

“Eventually her insurance will run out however, the longer we need to sustain her will depend on how much her cosigner—”

“Money will not be an issue,” Namjoon cuts in smoothly, almost sounding insulted that the nurse would even bring up such a thing. “We can’t put a price on our precious friend’s life.” 

As much as Namjoon’s words alleviated Jungkook’s initial anxieties, the question still stands. Will you come out of this the same person you left? How long will that take, weeks, months, years? He’s extensively Googled before this, reading way too many WebMD articles that he probably shouldn’t have, effectively skewing his perception on the matter. 

He fiddles with his hands in the kangaroo pocket of his sweater, clammy from the heat. You’re suffering, and just like Sehlyung, he’s trying very hard not to blame himself. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W2. 

Angel’s Trumpet  Scientific Name: Brugmansia  Order and Family: Polimonailes and Solanaceae Summary: A higher order of nightshade, the Angel’s Trumpet is a show-stopping pendulous flower that hangs like bells. In myth, they were prized as chimes holding magical properties. In modern use, Angel's Trumpets have occasionally been used to create recreational drugs, but the risk of overdose is so high that these uses often have deadly consequences.

So you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. 

You push away from your MacBook, rolling over to your bed to mull. It’s near two in the morning, and you’ve channeled both your love for Buzzfeed Unsolved and your poster making skills in order to construct The Timeline. 

Using your somewhat solid memory from the past two weeks and Hoseok’s own timeline from his daycare shift, you spent the entire night plotting as to why you’re in W2 and how you can leave. 

Your plan of action is minimal, definitively so because there are no leads other than Sehlyung’s wine dealer, and Jungkook. 

Something must’ve been in the angel’s wine, something dangerous. You remember the sky flickering that night, wondering if you were hallucinating or very drunk. Scientifically speaking however, if you really are under the influence of this flower, the hallucinogens should’ve left your body by now. 

Unless it’s magic that brought you to this world. As absurd as it is, the notion of magic gets easier and easier to cite as the days go on. 

And if it is some form of magic, something tells you that Jungkook has something to do with it. But why? 

One: Jungkook’s birth flower, you muse. You think back to how vivid the ink appeared on Jungkook’s skin, how precious the design meant to him. It made you think back to your Jungkook, who couldn’t stop fidgeting as he was so excited to get some serious ink done when visiting a friend in Jeju island. How bright his face glowed after it healed and how proud he was to show it off. 

Two: The last thing Jungkook said to you. How coincidental must it be for him to specifically cite your relationship could work in “another world”? 

You’re definitely overheating your brain at this point, and you trudge yourself out of bed to make something to eat. If you were going to spiral, you were going to spiral with a full stomach. 

The pot as the water starts to boil, crackling and bubbling angrily because you are impatient and cranked up the heat to high. An open ramen block sits on the counter, ready to be softened. Suddenly, the door unclicks and you point your fork at the door. Panic fills you, wondering who could be visiting at this hour. 

“Home sweet home!” Taehyung cries, swinging the door open so hard that it reverbs and hits him in the forehead. However he is unfettered, flashing you a toothy smile as he dumps his luggage at his feet. “Care to open another ramen packet for me, roomie?” 

You lower your fork, remembering that Taehyung’s due to come back sometime this week. “Welcome back,” you exhale, forcing a smile as you watch Taehyung arrange his mess in a corner, “did you have a good trip?” 

“Yeah, Busan’s nice,” he replies easily, dumping his body on the couch. He looks the same, shaggy brown-black hair and mischievous chocolate eyes. He still has an affinity for earth tones and long coats that make his shoulders look good. Despite the fact that you always expect that their counterparts will look alike, it baffles you how easy it is to forget you’re not in your world. “What about you? Why’re up so late?” 

“My thesis was bugging me,” you lie easily, “I’m gonna work on it in the library tomorrow.”

“Ah, is that why you’ve been ignoring Jimin’s texts?” 

You stop swirling the noodles in your pot, looking up from your spot at the counter. “He told you?” 

Truth be told, you haven’t been exactly comfortable conversing with Jimin. You feel a little bad if your alternate self had a thing for the young man, but you know in your heart you definitely did not hold any romantic or sexual attraction towards him. 

“Duh. You’ve hurt his heart.” 

You scoff, dividing the pale yellow noodles and soup between two bowls. “Jimin’s a big baby, that’s why.” 

“C’mon, you love that big baby,” Taehyung jests, “have lunch with us tomorrow during his break,” his eyes are glued to the bowls in your hands, as you carefully walk over to place them on the coffee table. Like an eager puppy, he scrambles off the couch and onto the floor, joining you in your meal. 

You bite back a sigh, stuffing your face with hot noodles to give yourself some time. It still grossed you out that you supposedly hooked up with Jimin on the regular, but at the possibility that you were potentially messing up your alternate universes’ life still held you back for telling Jimin to kindly stop sending dick pics. 

“If you pick me up from the library tomorrow I’ll come,” you concede, “just don’t make it weird, okay? I’ve had a hard week.” 

“Done,” and that became that. 

Taehyung and you cite the silence as being exhausted from today’s events, and you two quickly scarfed down your meal and headed off to bed. Another day gone, and another day longer it takes for you to return to your world. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

“Your life’s totally an anime movie,” 

As much as you love Hoseok’s support, the fact that he’s so excited is a little unnerving. 

“You’re like an alien! Or Phil of the Future who’s trying to get back to his timeline!” 

“Hoseok…” 

“Right, right. Sorry. But think about it,” he jabs a finger in your notebook, citing the pastel pink sticky note where it’s crossed out. “If you fall in love with W2 Jungkook like W1 Jungkook implied, it’ll fulfill your prophecy and you can go back home! And then when you go back home, W1 Jungkook will realize he was being a pussy and then grovel at your knees for forgiveness and—”

“Please stop,” your head is throbbing. The fact that you’re talking about two Jungkooks is terrifying, because it was hard enough for you to handle one Jungkook on their own. “Even so, what’s to say that Jungkook and I really aren’t meant to be? It’s not like W1 Jungkook was wrong. He has a busy life and I know a romantic relationship could add extra stress on him.” 

A little part of you felt good to tell another person about your struggles between Jungkook and yours’ unnamed relationship. Of course, you had to catch yourself sometimes when you delve a little too much. Hoseok after all, doesn’t know either Jungkook. You also forget yourself, often muttering a variant of  “shut up Hobi you absolute Fruit Loop” when Hoseok gets too giddy. The Hoesok next to you is still just as new of a friend, not this co-worker you’ve spent the better half of two years with. 

But back to his theory, while there was no symbolic chime that signaled the start, it grew into a slow, easy love, at least for you. As your and Jungkook’s feelings grew, the more your panic bubbled to the surface. Was it a risk you were both willing to take? Evidently not, from the way Jungkook had slammed the door in your face. 

Another reason why you’re hesitant to test the falling in love theory—it’s too easy to fall in love with Jungkook all over again. It scares you. Without his music career in the way, what’s stopping you? 

Hoseok squeezes your hand at the way you stare so intently into your timeline, sending you a tender smile, “Don’t think so hard. Even so, a little date won’t hurt, right?” he whispers, picking up his things, “text me if anything happens. My kids are coming soon.”

You give him a halfhearted wave, leaving him to his shift at the daycare. You were so engrossed with the influx of information yesterday that you failed to ask Jungkook for his phone number. This meant that you had to do some intense social media stalking in order to find him. If he’s anything like W1 Jungkook, you’re going to have a hard time finding any updates from him.

“Excuse me? Professor?” 

Tilting your head from your notepad, you notice an undergrad had replaced the seat that Hoseok previously occupied. She’s a pretty thing, with long raven black hair and almond shaped eyes. You suddenly feel very ratty and underdressed as a professor, the leggings and oversized sweater with a questionable stain really giving off baked-potato vibes. 

“Do… yeon?” you say, remembering her from an email thread you sent a while ago. 

She beams, “Yeah! I’m so glad I found you. I know Professor Kim said he’d be absorbing your classes since you’re on leave, but I really need help with my final draft. Professor Kim tried to help me and…” 

“Let me guess,” you smirk, “his thoughts were way too convoluted and you need me to get straight to the point.” 

Doyeon snaps her fingers, “Exactly!” 

While apprehensive with medical knowledge, you can still find confidence in your essay grading skills. You spend the next half hour looking over Doyeon’s paper, pointing out how things she could improve on or articles she could cite. Soon enough, Doyeon texted two other members for her study group, saying that it’s a once-in-a-semester-offer to get some time with you. 

And you’re baffled at how easy it is to fall into this professor role. It makes you believe that if you really wanted to, being a professor would also be a perfect job for you. The students are buzzing around your table, excitedly whispering how happy they are to work with you after so long, and that they miss the way you teach your lectures. For two blissful hours, you forget your circumstance and keep your focus entirely on your students. 

A loud, obnoxious cough breaks you and your students out of their work bubble. Taehyung is tapping his Valentino loafers impatiently, holding a very large back of what seemed to be you and Jimin’s lunch. 

“Sorry kiddos,” Taehyung sing songs, already stuffing your work stuff in your bag, “she promised to go out and have lunch with mature adults.” 

“We’re literally like, a couple years younger than you,” Chan scrunches his face, sending you a pleading look. 

“Sorry Chan, I did say I was going to have lunch,” you concede, “but please email me if you have any more questions. Otherwise, you’re right on track!” 

You wave at the thankful students happily, and Taehyung literally has to drag you out by the arm and shove him into his Uber before you could relent. 

“Damn girl,” Taehyung chuckles, relieved to finally get you out of the library, “you didn’t hear me the first three times I was calling you. Chan looked like he was about to rip my head off!” 

You shrug lightly, “What can I say, the time really flew with them.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

What a coincidence, you’re in the same place he is, again. More specifically, his new workplace. 

How is it possible that you have so many handsome friends? Jungkook is baffled by the way Park Jimin and the dark-haired friend feed you fries like you’re their precious daughter. In response, you scrunch up your nose and push them off, instead deciding to shove five fries in your mouth all at once. 

As much as he wanted to ask you out since you admired his tattoos yesterday, he can’t find it in him to go up and interrupt your lunch. Besides, he has work and he doesn’t want to complicate things if Jimin finds out he was the one responsible for nearly running you over the other day. 

If he walks fast enough, he can avoid any awkward interaction and make it to his office so he can give the day’s full report—

“Jungkook! Get your cute butt over here and meet my friends!” 

Crap. 

Trying not to glare daggers at his new co-worker, he places a thin smile on his face as he moves to your table in the corner of the cafeteria. He lets Jimin give the whole spiel on how he hired him, and Jungkook decides to hover awkwardly while the rest of you are sitting. The sun filters its way through the windows and bleeds brightly onto your body, making his throat dry and constrict in awe. Your expression is definitely more positive since that time at the library, and he wonders what he has to do to reach that level of contentment you’re sporting. 

“Guys, this is Jungkook. I just hired him last week. He’s like my son.” 

“Ewh,” the dark haired guy upturns his nose. “But hi, I’m Taehyung.” 

While Jimin goes into detail about how amazing he found his work, he can’t help but notice the fond smile that melts upon your face as you listen intently to Jimin. Jungkook wants to archive that expression on your face and save it to memory, the way you look so pretty with your chin nestled in your hand, turning your head slightly to gaze at him with a look of what—pride? Affection? 

“You sound like quite the artist,” you muse, “I would love to see some of your work if Jimin says it’s that good.” 

He rubs his head bashfully, clutching the camera hanging on his chest like an anchor. “Oh no, I’m just starting out,” he replies shyly, although he would be lying if he said he didn’t crave the attention you were bestowing on him. 

“He’s actually going out to Dongdaemun to get some stuff done for his portfolio,” Jimin pipes up, “hopefully get some good content for the commercial he’s filming.” 

“Oh, do you mind if I tag along?” you ask, picking at a hangnail, “I’ve always been so curious about the producing process.” 

Jungkook’s eyes dart between Jimin and his friend, noticing the telepathic conversation they’re exchanging between you two. Jungkook’s palms start to sweat, not because Jimin definitely wants to probe, but because you made the first move. You pay no mind to the boys, nonchalantly pushing in your chair as you practically float to Jungkook’s side. 

“Wait,” Taehyung recovers first, “you know him?” 

You agree with a vague wave of your hand, “we work in the same area.” 

Jungkook knows for a fact that’s not true, as you only started appearing in his life when he almost knocked you out. But Jungkook can only nod like a bobblehead, not wanting to get into the nitty-gritty. 

“I promise to stay out of your way,” you say, “but don’t feel pressured if you don’t want me to go at all!” 

“No no, I want you to come!” and Jungkook raises his voice a little too high to be deemed mannerly, and he watches you step back a bit at the sudden intrusion. His face is on fire, especially when there’s a little smirk grazing your lips. 

“Well if you want me, you’ll have me.” you flirt, gesturing for him to take the lead. 

Jimin and Taehyung’s faces have fallen flat. There’s a stray bit of limp lettuce hanging sadly  from Jimin’s lip as he watches Jungkook escort you out of the building. Meanwhile, Jungkook is swallowing the biggest smile on his face. He’s going to spend the rest of the day with you. He doesn’t know if he’s going to get a decent shot in because you’re a definite distraction, but it’s totally worth it if he can get to know you a little better. 

You mention that you haven’t walked around Seoul in a while. Jungkook wants to ask more about it, but as open as you display yourself, there’s definitely something guarding you. Jungkook wants to chalk it up behind the whole fiasco of mistaking him for someone else the other day, so he doesn’t want to step on those eggshells again. 

But Jungkook is here to work. So he tells you to walk on and lead the way to Dongdaemun while he gets ample footage of the city. 

He’s taking pictures of you along the way, but he decides to leave that part out. He likes the way your long red dress swishes in the breeze, the tail end of the fabric brushing against his legs whenever he gets too close. 

You stop in front of a pet store, face glowing as you point to their aquarium tank. “Look!” you cry, tugging his sleeve over as if you’re long lost friends, “it’s my boi Nemo!”

He cracks up at your joke, as you excitedly shout to Jungkook that “you found your son!” and it spurs him on to continue his peals of laughter. The joke isn’t that funny but it’s humorous enough coming from you and the smile on your face is enough for him to return one equally as big. 

“C’mon,” his fingers brush over the bare skin of  your forearm, sending sparks straight to his heart, “it’s getting dark. Just keep swimming.” 

Jungkook manages to get some good sunset content before the sky turns navy. He’s not a big fan of photographic tourism spots, but Jimin insisted that the big boss wanted a specific style for their company and he needed to get used to making the usual seem unique. 

Looking over his shoulder, he sees you swinging your legs on a nearby bench. You’re munching on a bubble waffle, cheeks puffed as you concentrate on the Cheonggyecheon stream, water babbling. 

He’s about to ask you if you want him to take a picture of you, because he thinks you would look beautiful with your dress billowing as you hop over the stones, but he notices the sadness in your face as you gaze at the water. 

Lowering his camera, he sees the way your chewing slows, as if you don’t feel like putting anymore effort in the action. Your dimmed gaze seems to peer into a different world, as if you could dive right into the water and transport yourself far, far away from here. 

Jungkook takes tentative steps, crouching down from your space at the bench so he would have to look up at you. His hand hovers to balance himself on your thigh, but he thinks better of it and decides to hold onto the wood. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

He doesn’t comment on the strain in your smile, “Sure.” 

“Do I remind you of y’know, him? Your Jungkook?” 

Your smile increases, and he doesn’t expect it. Shifting over, you pat the space next to him. It’s a tight fit, and your thighs brush his. “Yes and no. It doesn’t hurt or anything, really,” you answer softly, and you reach for his hand, pulling the long sleeves apart to reveal his tiger lily tattoo. He doesn’t believe your excuse for a damn second, but decides better than to speak against you. “He’s still around, even if he isn’t here. I guess I was just thinking about how we could never go out like this.” 

He tenses under your ministrations, and you immediately pick up on it like a sixth sense. “I’m not trying to replace him,” you add, and he tries to relax as you trace the petals on his arm, “I’m sorry if you felt that way. But it’s... impossible to compare you to him, really.” 

“So, would you be interested in seeing me again?” 

“I’d be upset if you weren’t, Kook.” you manage to pout, and you slide your hand down to thread your fingers between his. “Can I take you out on a date?” 

“Only if I can take you out on one after.” 

And it’s easy for the both of you to forget your circumstances, at least for tonight. 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

Jungkook drops you off at your apartment soon after, and it feels nice to kick off your shoes and place your bare feet on your soft carpet. 

Your roommate’s feet are propped up, covered by a fuzzy grapefruit-colored blanket. Taehyung stretches his head from the couch to throw you a teasing smile, “Sooo, how was your night?” 

Instead, you point a finger at the flatscreen playing some Korean drama. “Is that Jin?” you balk.

Taehyung cranes his neck to where he paused the drama. The man on the screen is definitely Kim Seokjin, judging from the plush lips and irritatingly symmetrical face. He looks absolutely comical in his Joseon get up and mustache, and you’re not surprised that he made it to the acting industry. 

“Kim Seokjin? Yeahhhh,” Taehyung melts, relaxing into the couch, “that man is so fine I just want him to bend me over that little well and—”

You physically gag, causing Taehyung to break into peals of laughter, forgetting about his fruitless celebrity crush. Only you would never forget this interaction, the words currently searing  into your memory at the thought of seeing Seokjin and Taehyung in the same room when you manage to return. “So?” he goads, “Jungkook? He looked like a scared bunny when Jimin glared at him.” 

“It was… good,” you settle as an answer, reaching over to ruffle Taehyung’s messy bed head. “I like him, Tae.” 

“That’s good,” Taehyung nods, “you deserve more happiness in your life.” 

“You think so?” 

“I know so!” Taehyung jerks up, punching his fist in the air. You giggle at his antics, and he ushers you over to the couch, “good things are coming, y/n. I can feel it.” 

You don’t tell him, but you can feel it too. Sharing his blanket you snuggle further into the couch, asking questions about the famous actor Kim Seokjin and his litany of dramas he’s filmed under his belt. Tonight, falling asleep next to Taehyung, you have the best night’s sleep in weeks.

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

Jungkook sits in your sickness. 

Namjoon says he doesn’t have to, doesn’t need to stay the night. You’ll be fine, your family will come in the morning and care for you. For once, Jungkook tucks his tail and says he wants to, even compromises to bring his work so he doesn’t miss a deadline. 

But he can barely get a bar in because he’s too focused on you, your form all-encompassing as he makes sure you’re well-taken care of. Sehlyung dropped off your things from the apartment, carefully packed neatly in a duffle bag you’ve never used. 

Soft, lo-fi hip hop plays from his computer speakers as he takes the time to nurture you, care for you. It’s dark outside, the only light emanating from the hallway and a dim desk lamp. He’s done his research, making sure to keep you as clean as you would like to be. He brushes your hair, takes the time to remove the tangles and pin it out of your face. His hands are slightly greasy when he’s done, and his hand falls to your hospital sleeve. 

“I wonder how I should wash your hair,” he says aloud, “maybe I can get a small basin or something? It’s not the first time I washed your hair, remember when you sprained your arm after we snuck around in Dongdaemun?” he smiles at your peaceful expression, neutral, “you were such a baby, didn’t feel like shampooing with one hand.” 

Talking is also good, too. They say that sometimes the patient can hear and recall conversations family and friends have shared. It’s a little jarring to them, almost like they’re drowning in their heads and unable to bubble up to the surface to reply, but it’s still reassuring to hear familiar voices. 

He massages your limbs with lavender scented baby lotion, making sure your body isn’t wasting away and stretches your fingers and toes. You’d have a fit if you didn’t do your whole lotion routine daily, wanting to be soft and huggable at all times of the day. He puts on a pair of pink bunny socks, making sure your feet don’t get too cold in the sterile room. 

Running out of things to talk about, he settles for singing along to his playlist, knowing how much you loved to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. He’s tired and he doesn’t feel one-hundred percent, but he hopes you appreciate the sentiment either way. 

Weaving through the wires and cords that sustain you he places your hand in his larger one. Jungkook wishes he could care for you everyday like this, treat your body like a temple and wait for you to wake up. Resting his head on the mattress, his soft locks brush against your thigh unkempt as he focuses on tracing words on your palm. 

Lavender. Chicken. Netflix. 

Your nurse steps in, giving Jungkook a polite wave as she does her nightly rounds. He mumbles a half-hearted greeting in response, immersed in working between the lines on your soft skin as he traces character by character. Your nurse is quick with her work as she checks things off on her iPad and checks the machines that keep them informed. As if she’s intruding on an intimate moment, she types her findings faster. 

JK. y/n. Still with you. Sorry. Love. 

Your hand twitches in his grasp. It’s minuscule, a brief curl of your fingers. The pad of your thumb barely brushes his knuckle and Jungkook’s reeling. It’s only half a second, but Jungkook cries “whoa!” and sits up straight, startling your nurse, “she’s moving!” 

Your nurse smiles sadly at the sparkles of hope in his eyes. “It’s only muscle spasms, Jungkook. It happens sometimes,” and she catches herself before Jungkook’s shoulders deflate and sink into the floor, “but see her eyes?” 

He blinks, watching as the nurse gestures to your face. She’s right, your eyes are movie, flickering back and forth. Your lids may not be open, but the movement is there.

“She’s either dreaming or really listening to you, Jungkook,” your nurse murmurs fondly, “make sure you keep her entertained, being in a coma is awfully boring.” 

Jungkook thanks her, sending a terse smile as she whisks herself away. He squeezes your hand firmly, wishing you would give him another sign. He feels like he’s chasing you now, reaching out to you, talking to you in hopes you’ll reply. It’s ironic, considering this time he’s not sure if you’ll turn around this time, bounce back as you once were. 

Wiping the wetness from his eyes, he tucks you in and scoots his chair closer to your bed. “Wake up soon, yeah? We’re waiting for you,” he whispers, holding your hand next to his head as he tries to fall asleep. 

Tonight, he’s dreamless. 

[rainsonata]

Doppelgänger 13/15

Chapter 13: Transformation 

Fandom/Pairing: Elsword; none Rating: T Word Count: 10,034  

Summary: It was like looking into a mirror. What happens when one’s reflection talks back and throws uncomfortable questions? El Search Party struggles to find entrance into the Demon Realm, but Dominator has a plan.   

Alternative Title: Dominator fucked up and now everyone meets their alternative selves    

AO3 Link  I  FF.NET Link

— [Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] —  

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Class Notes: 

Canon Path: Knight Emperor, Aether Sage, Daybreaker, Rage Hearts, Code: Esencia, Comet Crusader, Apsara, Empire Sword, Doom Bringer, Ishtar and Chevalier (Innocent), Bluhen   

Alternative Path: Rune Master, Oz Sorcerer, Anemos, Furious Blade, Code: Ultimate, Fatal Phantom, Devi, Flame Lord, Dominator, Timoria and Abysser (Catastrophe), Richter

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Herrscher 

Immortal’s friends called it the Demon Realm. Demons referred to the region they have arrived at as Varnimyr, a land of darkness inhabited by the Dark Elves and demonic creatures. This Demon Realm was similar to the one Herrscher and Immortal’s friends came from. It was in the sword user’s interest to regroup with the rest of the El Search Party, or what was left of it, to acquire the Dark El. Herrscher no longer cared for the El, but it was important to Immortal. 

Unlike Immortal’s friends, he wasn’t as concerned about the trivial details of concepts like timelines and dimensions. Herrscher went wherever Immortal went. Humans, elves, and demons were not aware that timelines and dimensions overlapped with each other. How could they be when most were more concerned about themselves?

“Why do we bother waiting for them?” Paradox was referring to their counterparts. In his child form, the time traveler groaned. “We can’t stay longer than we should.”

“When did you start to care about that? You made it very difficult to find you.” Offering his hand to Herrscher, the redhead felt how cold and lifeless the other being’s hands were, “Are you okay, Ain? I didn’t come too late, did I?”

Herrscher shook his head. Fighting Richter would not be an inconvenience, he wanted to tell Immortal. He would have been able to deflect his alternate’s attacks but accepted his friend’s concern.   

Lying on the floor with his face half turned, Herrscher took Immortal’s hand without hesitation, noting how warm they were in contrast to his. He too used to possess the same warmth humans had. Without attachments to the Goddess, he was beyond redemption, yet Immortal allowed him to stay by the swordsman’s side.  

“You weren’t supposed to find me,” Paradox sneered. 

If looks could kill, Immortal would have been six feet under from the glares Paradox was sending to the multiweapon user. Herrscher couldn't understand why Immortal placed trust in him (“A bad decision, really.” Paradox quipped. Herrscher agreed.). Appearing when opportunities of scourging the El arose, Paradox’s appearances were sporadic with no apparent objective in mind. His unorthodox fighting style made him a formidable ally, but only when their objectives happened to align. 

Rubbing the back of his neck, Herrscher let a breeze cool down his core from its excessive use. Dimension traveling was more of Metamorphy’s area of practice than his, which was manipulating and traveling in between the void of the abyss. Not that Immortal understood that no matter how many times he explained it.  

“Finding you was such a hassle,” Immortal complained. “Do you know how many dimensions it took to get here? Did you know there’s a dimension where people pay millions of ED to watch girls like Aisha sing?” 

“Why should I care?” Paradox deadpanned. 

“There was a dimension where we were all maids,” Immortal ignored the snide question. He grabbed Paradox by the shoulders and dropped his voice into a stage whisper, “You wore pigtails and said some very rude things to me.” 

With little clues to where Paradox could have gone, it took Herrscher and Immortal several attempts to guess the correct coordinates. Herrscher was omniscient to what happened in the void, but not what happened to inhabitants in other dimensions. Immortal proclaimed he had a hunch for the fifth time before Metamorphy unceremoniously took over the team despite the younger man’s protesting. It appeared that Metamorphy did not place as much trust in their leader as Herrscher did, but he had to acknowledge that their method was not efficient in finding Paradox. 

“Where are the other losers?” Paradox searched for the fourth member of their team. 

“You mean our friends?” Immortal snickered when he caught the time traveler scowling. “Come on, did you think I would be that irresponsible to bring a bunch of people with me?”

“Why would that be a problem?” Furious Blade examined Paradox’s child form. He didn’t explicitly voice his thoughts, but his emotions were clear from the confusion in his knitted brows to the existence of the time traveler. “Tell me what happens if there are too many of us.” 

“Having all of you here is making everything unstable,” Paradox said with a bored expression. “When there are too many of you, it overwhelms the dimension until it’s forced to reset itself by destroying everything inside it.”

“Which is funny because that means some of you will stop having noses and turn flat like a pancake,” Immortal laughed. “Then the sky turns upside down and you’re breathing underwater.” 

“Not funny,” Paradox growled, displeased by Immortal’s side comment. “If I have to clean up another mess you made one more time, I’m leaving you here.”

“That’s cruel,” Immortal chuckled. “Anyway, it’s impossible to get everyone here.” He stopped smiling and leaned his head back. His eyes turned glassy and his voice became quieter, “I haven’t seen Elesis in weeks and I’m not sure where Lu and Ciel went.”

Herrscher exchanged a dark look to Paradox, who averted his gaze and feigned a yawn of disinterest. The time traveler’s face relaxed, but the rest of his body was tense and his shoulders rose to the mentions of Bloody Queen. Restless and unable to remain idle in the wake of the El’s instability, she disappeared one night with a cryptic note that spoke little of her whereabouts. Immortal shrugged it off as his sister leaving with good intentions, but Herrscher had come to understand that he was doing what humans called a facade. Their leader was pretending that he wasn’t bothered by his sister having gone missing. 

Iblis and Anular’s presence was as erratic as Paradox, coming and going whenever Immortal and his friends were fighting bigger monsters and demons. Anular was nothing more than a shadow of his former self, silently following his master without raising his voice. He was what Herrscher was if he still had devotion for his creator. There was nothing but the void to answer his calls. 

“Why did you look for me?” Paradox asked. 

“Can’t a guy call his friend when he misses him?” Immortal feigned a hurt expression. 

His eyes grew bigger in what he called ‘puppy eyes’. Herrscher didn’t see the resemblance because Immortal wasn’t a canine with ears and a tail. However, it was a human expression used when the late Sieghart wanted something from the person he was talking to.   

“Spare me the excuses.” Paradox rolled his eyes.

“Fine, you’re no fun.” Immortal dropped the farce and snorted, “We tried to get back into the Demon Realm, but got lost because we don’t have the right coordinates. So we went to look for you since that’s your thing.” 

“And if I say no?”   

“Then we’ll be stuck here to annoy you until you help us,” Immortal said with a lazy grin. 

Light flashed around Paradox. His limbs elongated into thin lanky appendages and his hair reached to his ankles. As an adult, he was almost a head taller than Immortal. He looked down at the redhead and crossed his arms as the two of them engaged in a staring contest.  

“Tada~ Raven and I are finally here!” A small shadow appeared with one hand on their hip and flashing a victory pose. “Sorry to keep you waiting ♥.” 

“There were more demons than we anticipated,” Nova Imperator apologized. Dressed in black and red, the former leader of the Black Crows carried a heavy blade over his shoulder with a Nasod arm. Towering over Metamorphy, he made quiet footsteps and always placed care in his words. 

“I knew they didn’t come without you,” Paradox continued leering at their leader.

“Hey, don’t ignore a girl when she talks to you!” Metamorphy growled. Walking between the two men, she had to tilt her head back to glower at Paradox. She jabbed a glove finger into his chest where the glowing core was. “Do you know how long it took us to figure out which dimension you were in?”

“Yes, yes, Elbrat told me.” Paradox rolled his eyes again. “And I suppose you’re going to say I messed up this dimension too.” 

“Yes, you did!” She waved her arm in reference to the corrupted sky, “Look at it, it’s tearing itself apart!”

Ms. Magical Girl was correct with the sky breaking up like the static of primitive human devices Immortal once found under wreckage in Altera. Deep shades of red and violet cracked beneath the sea of blue, giving a crackled effect from the shards created by Paradox portals. Herrscher had visited many dimensions, but seeing structures of the current one become undone reminded him of Henir.   

“That’s flattering, but not everything is my fault.” Paradox cackled, “I’m not the one bringing over extra people to break the dimension further.”

“So it’s my fault because he wouldn’t stop asking me where you went?” Metamorphy gestured to Immortal. “He kept saying ‘Add would help!��� and now you’re acting smart with me?” 

“I’m already smart,” the man smirked. 

Metamorphy screamed. 

“Aisha, no!” Immortal fought to pull the staff away from Metamorphy. “You can’t hit our ride home!” 

The magical girl held her staff high with both hands like a baseball bat, tilting it to one side and aiming for Paradox. She lost her balance and fell headfirst into the ground when Immortal wrestled to stop her. 

“It’s always ‘Aisha, take us to Elrios’, ‘Aisha, we need to get to the Demon Realm’. We looked for this guy because you asked nicely,” Metamorphy sat up and dusted herself. “I’m the only one who can do that because this brat only shows up when he feels like it. Ain only does it when Elsword tells him to.” 

“That’s why I need you to stop fighting long enough so we can get home.” Immortal let out an exasperated sigh, “I don’t need us to break another dimension.” 

“Another?” Blade repeated. 

“It must be confusing and overwhelming to see all of us,” Nova slapped his hand over Paradox’s shoulder. “Hope our lost cat didn’t give you trouble. How many of you are there?” 

Paradox scowled; he shoved Nova’s hand aside and hissed in being compared to a small animal. Even in his adult form, he appeared shorter than his actual height with his head lowered and having a crouched back. His tails twitched and coiled against his thigh like an angry feline. 

Unoffended by the time traveler’s rejection, Nova exchanged a sheepish smile to Blade’s wary one.   

“Twenty-four. He kidnapped one of our friends,” Blade said without tact.   

Herrscher heard footsteps from behind them. There were many of them. It sounded like there were at least half a dozen of them. A deep frown indented into Herrscher’s features, unable to recognize the sound of the strangers’ footsteps. They belonged to people he had not met before. They must be the people Daybreaker coaxed Richter into alerting about their presence.

“They’re here,” Herrscher said. 

A man stormed into their circle with a wild look in his eyes, his face identical to Paradox’s. Having a set of Nasods circling around the scientist, Dominator walked around half-dressed with bed hair and his jacket sliding down one shoulder. The sleep-deprived scientist ignored Herrscher’s presence but gawked at Paradox, recognizing his own face in a mix of awe and disgust.   

“There’s five of them now?” Dominator stopped to catch his breath. 

“You’re already out of breath? You don’t look like you’re used to doing more than lifting a pen.” Empire observed Immortal’s friends bickering, “They all look and act so different.” 

“We arrived as soon as we heard from Richter about new people coming,” Crusader was behind Dominator. “Has there been any conflict?” 

“No,” Blade shook his head. “It looks like they’re here to take back Paradox. They came here with the help of their Aisha and Ain. Those two seem to have control over dimension and space.” 

Eyes turned to Herrscher, who was standing as still as the dead trees the Dark Elves used to make their bows at the edge of Varnimyr. Not as talkative as his teammates, Herrscher was one to let others discuss what was needed to fulfill their needs. There was little to be added to the conversation when they could continue talking without him. 

“You’re Ain?” Empire stared. 

“Yes,” Herrscher said. “Is there something you want to address with me?”

“N-no,” she waved both hands and shook her head.  

Queen’s alternate momentarily lost her composure and gawked at the celestial. Herrscher didn’t mind the stares, but the captain of the Velder Knights did. Forcing her eyes away, Empire turned her head and faked a cough. Her face tinged pink from the blood rushing up to her cheeks as she mumbled an apology for her rudeness. Herrscher never would have seen such a display of emotions from Immortal’s sister.   

“Their team has three people with dimensional powers?” Dominator frowned.  

“Other members of the party are on their way,” Ultimate reported. The Nasod queen of destruction gazed at Paradox’s adult form, analyzing the time traveler’s machines and processing the data from the rest of the third El Search Party. “Rena said it was urgent.” 

“She makes it sound scarier than it actually is,” Crusader chuckled. “It’s like a giant union party. I didn’t think more people would show up.” 

“Let’s hope there aren’t more,” Dominator had a dark expression. “According to Dynamo, we’re pushing this dimension at its limits.” 

“Who’s fault was that?” Blade deadpanned. 

“Are you placing the blame on me?” Dominator feigned a surprised gasp. 

“Yes,” Ultimate and Blade said.   

Worn down with heavy eyelids, the former mercenary rested his human arm over the base of his blade. He, the elf, and Ishmael’s idol were on watch and patrol when Herrscher found them by Immortal’s orders. Their whispers reached into the depths of the woods where Herrscher overheard their conversation. Relaxed and without concern for the dangerous world around them, Daybreaker and Richter’s conversion reminded Herrscher of a more innocent time. When Herrscher first met Twilight and was curious about her upbringing in an elven village, before he lost sight of the Goddess and could no longer hear her. 

“Then who was the one who kidnapped Elbrat and made us go on this mad chase?” Dominator huffed. 

“We can blame each other all day, but that’s beside the point.” Empire said, “Look, I know our actions have made us look bad.” 

“Taking Elsword hostage increased our stay and the likelihood of the dimension becoming unstable,” Ultimate stated. 

“Taking hostage?” Crusader laughed nervously, “Those are strong words, Ultimate.” 

“I know,” she said. 

“Yes, that.” Empire agreed, “but we cornered Paradox. My brother said he could control time and space. Can’t he return everyone back to their dimensions and reset everything? That should reverse the damage, right?” 

“Can you do that?” Metamorphy looked at Paradox. 

“If that was the case, then I wouldn’t be here,”the time traveler said.  

There were two instances Paradox left an impression on Herrscher. When they first met, Paradox was known as Diabolic Esper and caused a wreckage in Hamel to rescue their leader. The second time was when Paradox returned from the Forgotten Elrian Sanctum, laughing and crying about how he couldn’t save Her. Despite having powers beyond human technology, Paradox rarely smiled.      

“That brings us back to the drawing board,” Crusader groaned. 

“I should have known at least one version of myself would actually attempt time travel after talking to the meathead.” Dominator paused, “Wait. Why are you smiling at me?” 

“Did you enjoy my present?” Teeth exposed, Paradox bared a wide grin. “It was sad seeing you try so hard to jump dimensions.”  

Dominator fumed. 

“You made us enter the wrong dimension?” Blade asked. 

“He made those coordinates, not me.” Paradox shrugged, “I just gave the device a power boost.” 

“What were you doing in their dimension?” Nova asked. 

Paradox giggled for an answer. 

“If we don’t act quickly, things will get worse.” Empire looked to Metamorphy for answers, “Isn’t there something we can do? We told the El Masters we would retrieve the Dark El, but we also promised to protect the people that live here.”  

“Protecting demons? How chivalrous and unlike you,” Metamorphy said with a coy smile. “There’s one person who might be able to fix your problem. Perhaps we can ask for his help, right, Add?” 

Paradox hissed. 

“Who is it?” Immortal asked. 

“Why are you acting like you don’t know?” Metamorphy shook him by the shoulders, “You’re pretending to be funny, right?” 

“Actually…” Immortal scratched the base of his neck with a sheepish laugh. 

“Dimension has reached its capacity,” Ultimate interrupted the two. “We have fifty-nine minutes and fifty-nine seconds to evacuate and resolve the issue before this dimension disintegrates.” 

“This can’t be good,” Nova sighed. 

----------------------------

Nova Imperator

Crimson bled into the deeper indigos, casting away the night and molten light peering past the dusted clouds. Wind picked up loose strands of Nova’s hastily done ponytail. Portals cracked split the skies into smaller fragments, crystals forming around the edges like the ones created by Paradox. Fireballs escaped from portals and crashed at their feet, sending seismic waves through the ground. An unsettling feeling rose from the pit of his stomach as the former mercenary shielded his eyes.  

Empire drew her blade and stabbed it into the ground for stability. The captain knight held her ground with gritted teeth. She kneeled down and clamped her eyes shut from the brightness of 

the fireballs. Crusader mouthed unheard words over the chaos, reaching out to check on his teammate. 

Smoke and fire lingered in the air when the shaking stopped. The fireballs ceased but Nova knew that wasn’t the end of it. The earthquake opened to be brimming with agate and crystals from the Shadow Vein nearby. It wouldn’t be long before demons show up in the wake of the dimension’s demise.      

“We need to evacuate everyone,” Nova shouted to his teammates over the chaos. 

“There’s twenty-four of them and five of us,” Metamorphy did a quick headcount. “Three of us can take them to a safe place where time and space won’t be affected by all of us existing. This means…” 

“Ten people for each of us,” Paradox said. “One of us will only have nine people including ourselves. You two already have the coordinates. I won’t waste time explaining something you two already know.”

For once, Herrscher and Metamorphy didn’t stop to argue the time traveler. Paradox wasn’t an easy person to work with, but was the most familiar with traveling between dimensions. Delaying their evacuation could spell the end for all of them. 

“We’re going as smaller groups to find your friends,” Metamorphy explained to the strangers. “Once everyone in our groups are here, we’ll be taking you to a safe place. Why don’t you and Eve come with me?”

His concern mirrored Nova’s. A man who rarely raised his voice, Blade was more comfortable letting others talk while he processed their words. He wore a permanent frown and wasn’t quick to trust, putting thought before he spoke and asking questions before making final decisions.     

Ultimate assessed the offer. Examining the new El Search Party with mild interest, Nova caught a faint smile at the edge of her lips. The simple gesture was a reminder that she was sentient and alive, a contrast from the Eve that went by the name Code: Sariel.     

“I will join,” Ultimate said after an uncomfortable moment of silence. It was Moby who beeped, bouncing up and down midair in agreement to the Nasod Queen’s decision. “Do you want me to notify the two El Search Parties about the new arrangement?” 

“That would be great!” Immortal beamed, “Add will tell you where to meet up and how to split the groups.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Paradox scowled, but pulled out a set of screens to type in the locations and details to send over to Ultimate. “Will this be enough?”

Ultimate didn’t answer immediately. A small ping caused her eyes to briefly light up as the Nasod queen scanned Paradox’s message. With a small nod, her lips quivered as she drafted a message to send to the two El Search parties. Remy beeped once as Ultimate promptly dispatched the memo. 

“Thank you, Add.” Ultimate closed her eyes. “We will be meeting them in our respected groups.”

“Hey, you.” Paradox waved his arm over to Dominator. “Edgy brat and the mouse will be with us.” 

“I’m edgy?” Immortal looked pleased at what was meant to be an insult. 

“Why am I a mouse?” Crusader asked. 

“I have a name!” Dominator exclaimed. 

Nova had trust that Paradox would stop the group of four from sidetracking. The time traveler was more goal-oriented than Immortal, who sometimes liked to stop and smell the roses. Eye shadows formed under his eyes, likely from lack of sleep and from the amount of energy required in dimensional traveling. The excessive portals in the sky reminded Nova of the man’s antics. He was happy to see Paradox being cooperative with their plan of escape, although the time traveler often took their orders as mere suggestions. 

“Is there something you wanted to say to me?” Paradox looked at Nova with suspicion. “Did the brat bring you here to convince me to stay with you losers?”    

“Something like that,” Nova laughed. “Good to see we caught up to you before you left. Ain and I were starting to think we wouldn’t find you.” 

“I doubt that,” Paradox said. “Am I really worth that effort?”

“Worth it or not, I’m happy to see you will be helping us in evacuating the people we have involved ourselves with.” Nova remarked.   

“Yeah, I’m a wonderful person.” Paradox rolled his eyes. “That leaves you with the rest.”

“I’m fine having Ain and Elesis join me,” Nova looked to Herrscher and Empire. “Do you mind?”

Herrscher shook his head. 

“We just met, but I will trust you because my teammates do.” Empire agreed.   

Before they left, Nova and Immortal made sure they all had the details sent to them by Ultimate based on Paradox’s coordinates. There wasn’t much time before the worse was to come. With little else left to say, Nova made eye contact with the remaining members of the opposing party before parting ways. He had to hope that all of them would act fast enough to avoid premature death. It won’t be long before demons are triggered by the increase of energy coming from the portals.

They headed to the eastern side of the main camp. The sun was starting to sink lower into the horizon when they made their way over with time to spare. Herrscher moved silently beside Nova with no word coming from the abyssal being, a single eye glued to the ground. Empire was more apprehensive, dashing forward with an alert eye over her shoulder with one hand ready to pull out her claymore. 

“We’re about five minutes away from our destination,” Nova announced. He slowed himself into a light jog to check the map again. This part of the Demon Realm was similar to the one he and his friends had visited in the past, albeit the falling sky and crumbling dimension.

“Did Paradox make your communicators too?” Empire asked. She showed interest in the devices he and Herrscher possessed. 

Designed as an earpiece, each was individually designed to fit comfortably into their owners’ ears. Each device was pristine white with its edges bordered in thin lines of black and pink. Light glowed from its centered blue core marked by a gold trim. With the newest updates, it was able to pick up signals as long as each member was within a short radius.    

“No,” Nova said. “Eve did.” 

The ground shook. A group of Shadow Drillers emerged from the caverns of the Shadow Vein, scurrying out on their fours and shrieking. Dozens trampled over each other as they struggled to run away from the chaos of the shaking earth. One stepped over another’s tail and snarled. Their cries enraged the rest of the group. One of them made eye contact with Nova and charged.

“Not good,” Nova crossed his blade with a Shadow Driller skull bashing into the base. 

“They think we’re the cause of this?” Empire whipped out her claymore. “They’re agitated!”  

“Not my concern,” Herrscher said. Pulling his scythe from behind, he produced a white sharpened edge. Dark clouds formed as he suctioned the demons inward to immobilize the frenzied crowd. Black blood squirted out from where Herrscher marked them. 

Nova wrestled for control of his blade from a trio of the shadow monsters lunging after his weapon. Flames burst from his Nasod arm to ward off the rest of the Shadow Drillers. Dashing inward, he coated his blade with fire. The demons cried from the intense heat and lashed back.    

Red sparks flew from Empire’s blade. She threw herself to the side from a demon curling itself into a ball and rolling out to the red knight.  It fired hardened spikes out from the sharp stubs on its body. Empire hissed in pain and let out a warrior cry. Her blade lit up red and gold as she spun around. Demon bodies were tossed into the air and Empire struck through their bodies before they could hit the floor.

Sweat collected at his forehead and energy concentrated from the core of his Nasod arm. Sparks flared from his fingertips. Heat rose and fanned the back of his hair. Flames ignited and burned the demons down, rising higher. Another source of fire exploded from the sides. That wasn’t his flame. A fire demon?    

“Sword Fire!” A red-haired man stepped into the flames. He pulled out a great blade and swiped at the masses. 

Red runes with the fire insignia became visible in the air. Nova and the demons looked up at the curiosity. The runes glowed a brilliant light before imploding onto their targets, setting the shadow monsters into ablaze. The demons scattered in the surprise ambush, bumping into one another in their attempt to escape. 

“Supreme Punishment!” Two figures appeared together. 

The enemy was cornered by larger demons summoned by blue flames. The Shadow Drillers and the Shadow Guards whimpered when they were tossed aside. Their eyes glowered at being outnumbered and sank back into the shadows. 

“How anticlimactic,” Timoria yawned and pointed to the brawler on her right. “It’s his fault we showed up late. You were the last to wake up.” 

“How is it my fault?” Bringer twitched, “You took forever to pack when the elf woke you up first!” 

“Lu, it’s too early to argue over something so trivial.” Abysser sighed, “Can’t you take this argument later when we’re evacuated?” 

“Sorry to keep you guys waiting!” Rune grinned, “Hope we weren’t being an inconvenience!” 

“Is everyone all right?” Daybreaker rushed over to inspect the burns on Nova’s arm. “You should get that checked! You’re losing blood!”

“I’ll heal him,” Bluhen said with an easy smile. 

“The dimension will collapse soon,” Herrscher started. 

“We are not leaving,” Daybreaker snapped. 

Her pale face illuminated under the moon to show the shadow under her eyes. She glared at Herrscher as if challenging the abyssal being to ignore her. Herrscher had a cool expression and lowered his scythe. Nova mouthed a thanks for Herrscher to see. This Rena wasn’t Twilight, but her words still had bite if tempered enough. 

In contrast to Herrscher, Bluhen was if someone took the abyssal dweller’s color scheme and saturated it by several shades. Bluhen’s face was framed by bright green eyes and gray feathered hair. Carrying a mischievous smile, there was no weight in his steps as he blasted away the remaining demons before hopping over to Empire with his hands behind his back. 

Taking the former mercenary’s injured arm, Bluhen produced a water bottle to clean his wound. Angry red flashed across Nova’s skin. The familiar pain hissed through his pores as Bluhen applied pressure into his wound. Dense light sang through his skin and Nova felt a jolt of energy travel through his body. When he opened his eyes, the wound had closed and appeared to be a few days old. Bluhen didn’t break a sweat. Impressed by the healing magic, Nova commended the priest and thanked him with a curt nod.  

“You’re lucky there’s a healer,” Bringer said. 

Nova looked up from where he sat to see a set of narrowed eyes. The brawler crossed his arms with a haughty look on his face. This was Add? Lacking the black sclera, Bringer made himself appear bigger by standing with a straight back and had more color in his complexion than Paradox.  

“You don’t need to make everything sound like a vague threat,” Empire facepalmed.

“No, he’s right.” Bluhen agreed. “They would have lost the fight because they were outnumbered and outpowered.” 

Bringer gawked at the priest, surprised by Bluhen’s response but said nothing. He blinked a lot and coughed to cover his embarrassment. Placing a hand over his mouth, Nova could see Bluhen fighting back a smile.  

“Of course, I’m right.” Bringer boasted.  

“It’s good to see you had no trouble finding us,” Nova said. He hid his bemusement in the silent exchange between the two. “We’ll be leaving once my friend completes the preparations.”   

Bluhen lifted Nova’s arm up, applying pressure again to the previously injured joints to check for broken bones he may have missed. Pleased with the results, he offered Nova an elixir often used for soldiers suffering heavy blood loss. Judging by the panicked look in Empire’s face and Daybreaker’s reaction, his injuries must have been concerning for the group to halt everything. Nova accepted the elixir, popped open the flask, and chugged it in one gulp. He focused on the bitter taste from the berries used to make it. 

“He drank it all?” Rune’s jaw dropped. 

Herrscher floated over to Nova, ignoring the stares from the strangers as he pulled out his scythe. People stepped back, raising their weapons before Nova shook his head and waved his Nasod arm. 

“He’s going to open a rift for us,” Nova explained. “I’ll stay at the end to make sure everyone makes it to the other side. There isn’t much time before it closes, so we’ll have to be quick.”  

Bluhen’s eyes fell over to Herrscher with interest. The priest had his hands clasped together as he carefully studied the celestial. It was a shame their stay was temporary. None of the differences will matter at the end of the day unless Metamorphy was willing to do more interdimensional traveling.     

“Richtie told me about you,” Bluhen said without looking up. He saw Herrscher’s confusion and explained, “The one who tried to kill you.” 

“Celestials don’t die,” Herrscher said. “I’m not as human as you.”

“Then why do you help them?” Bluhen asked. 

“Elsword told me to.” 

“I see.” Bluhen’s pleasant smile wavered, visibly disturbed by Herrscher’s indifference. More questions threatened to roll off his tongue, but instead turned to Nova, “Everything is healed. Don’t strain that arm for at least a few days.” 

“Thank you,” Daybreaker said. “Will this world be destroyed?”

“I don’t know,” Nova admitted. “But we’ll do everything we can to make sure everyone makes it out of this.” 

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Daybreaker crossed her legs and ran a finger over her bow. The resemblance between her and Twilight was strong in the way she looked past Nova’s relaxed smile. 

Swinging his scythe to the side, Herrscher dragged the sharp blade from across. Green light shone as he ripped into the hems of space to cut open a thin line. Pulling back, Herrscher forced a portal open to reveal a dark void looming back at the abyssal being. The opening was big enough for a person to walk through. 

“The portal won’t remain open for long. ” Herrscher said. “Elsword, you should go first.” 

“Go ahead,” Empire nodded to Rune. “We’ll be right behind you.” 

Everyone gathered and filed into a line with Rune at the front. Winking to his teammates, Rune turned around to walk through the portal. In a flash, the redhead had disappeared before being followed by his sister and the rest behind them. Nova was left with Herrscher maintaining the portal. The celestial remained still.  

“Do you think there really is a way to undo this mess?” Nova surveyed the damage caused by Paradox. 

Herrscher replied, “That is not my concern.” 

“I would be surprised if it was,” Nova chuckled. “We should join them before they worry about us.” 

Herrscher nodded. 

Walking past the lines that blurred between different dimensions, Nova’s vision went black. His surroundings vanished as he was joined by Herrscher beside him. They had to hope that their teammates were as lucky as them in escorting the other El Search Parties. It wouldn’t be long before they learned if their plan was a success. 

----------------------------

Mad Paradox

Being the generous person he was, Paradox agreed to go with the edgy brat’s plan. What else was there to do with a dimension threatening to burst open from the insides? Not that it was his intention. If he wanted to wreck a dimension, there were more efficient (and better) ways to do it. 

There was no benefit out of destroying the current one where Knight and his… friends resided in because they probably wouldn’t even notice until it was too late. What was the fun in that? Watching Knight squirm from demons was enough entertainment for the time traveler, but alas, that came to an early end. He wasn’t going to pit himself against a mob of adventurers over one boy. 

A loud crack snapped from behind Paradox. Gravity pulled him in and the man fell through the portal he had created, landing neatly on his twos and balancing on Dynamo to support his weight. The screams of full-grown men followed coming from Immortal, Crusader, and Dominator crashing at his feet.    

“Your cannon is on my foot!” Immortal shouted. 

“I’m sorry!” Crusader pulled the oversized weapon away from the researcher. 

“Both of you are too heavy!” Dominator complained. 

How could those three make so much noise when they were the only ones here? Paradox hopped off Dynamo to watch the three idiots fumble around. Crushed by Crusader and Immortal, Dominator came out at the bottom of the pile. He waved one arm to grab onto Crusader’s cannon and glare at the blond. The guardian of Hamel scratched the back of his neck with a feeble smile. 

Immortal sat on top of the two with one leg over the other. He screamed when Dominator sat up and had Dynamo nudge the sword user away. Waving his arms around, Immortal hopped around before falling over Crusader. Both men howled in pain because one jabbed an armored elbow into the other’s stomach. 

“If you’re done, would you like to stand up so I don’t look like a fool when the other brats are here?” Paradox drawled.  

“Why couldn’t you just portal us then go back to rescue the others?” Crusader asked. Pulling one knee up, he got up on his feet with his Destroyer over one shoulder. 

“I’m not doing more work than I need to,” Paradox scoffed. 

A set of eyes landed on Paradox. Their gaze fixed onto the back of his head as he gingerly flicked a piece of dirt off his plugsuit. He knew whose eyes they were. Who else would it be? Paradox had lost track of the number of times this similar scenario had occurred, too many times for it to bother him. He was reluctant to admit that he missed the novelty of discovering alternate dimensions when the other El Search Parties marveled over their counterparts.   

Grumbling to himself about being dogpiled by heavy people, Dominator was busy patting the dust off his clothes. He Dynamo was a set of magenta-colored cubes, blinking light as they floated beside the scientist. Looking at Dominator was blinding. Dressed in a white suit with lilac and gold accents, his appearance and behavior was exactly how Paradox remembered. How could someone wear so much white? 

“Can I help you?” Paradox tried not to laugh when their eyes met.

The time traveler recognized the stare he was receiving from Dominator. It was the analytical gaze, fighting to make use of every bit of knowledge the researcher had about Nasods and time travel to understand Paradox’s existence. He knew a part of his shoulder chipped every few minutes or so. Not even the heaviest jacket could hide that because it also disappeared with the rest of his body if he wasn’t paying attention. 

“Does it exhaust your energy to maintain two forms?” Dominator asked. 

Of course Dominator would want to know. Paradox wasn’t fazed by the intrusive question, tucking his limbs inward and gloved hands over his knees while sitting on Dynamo. Crusader and Immortal exchanged questioning looks to each other, debating to themselves whether or not to join. The guardian of Hamel chose to sit on the ground while Immortal leaned back against one of his swords planted in the rough terrain. Dominator remained standing, ignoring Dynamo nudging the scientist to sit down. 

“No,” Paradox laughed. This Dominator was faster about asking personal questions than the last one. “I simply choose to be one form more than the other.” 

It was easier to conserve energy by investing in one form than the other. He often opted for the child form for its utility but preferred his adult form when given the chance.  

“And this is all done with Nasods?” Dominator asked. 

“This is beyond technology and science,” Paradox said. “Having second thoughts about time traveling, Domi?” 

“Domi?” Crusader covered his mouth mid-yawn. 

“No,” Dominator stiffened. Good, then Dominator must have done the calculations to realize that genuine time traveling to their past wasn’t possible. The scientist crossed his arms and looked over to Dynamo in deep thought. “That’s not my current goal.” 

At least one of them was the sensible one with realistic goals. 

“Why would you waste your time dealing with us?” Dominator asked. 

“Would you prefer to stay and become an inverted donut?” Paradox drawled. “It’ll be over before you can even think about it, but fun to watch.”

“A donut?” Crusader squeaked. 

“An inverted one,” Immortal said unhelpfully. 

Paradox grinned. 

Making the El Search Party squirm never became old, unless it was the transformation path. Then it became a hassle because none of them took Paradox seriously or laughed with him. He fought the urge to roll his eyes about his teammates, or whatever they were. Teammates was a loose interpretation of his relationship with the people he sometimes chose to involve himself with when wandering through time and space was getting dull.   

Dominator was less affected by Paradox’s threat and rubbed his chin, likely musing over his words and rendering its meaning. The scientist was never one to take words at the surface level. None of the Adds did, but Dominator liked to tread over his thoughts and actions before settling on one. 

“You’ve gone through many timelines to be familiar with what happens when you mess with time and space,” Dominator stated. 

Perceptive as always, Paradox rested his head back. He couldn’t expect less from his counterpart’s intuitive eye.

“Then it shouldn’t be a surprise that you’re not the first Dominator I’ve met.” Paradox winked, “Did you say hi to Doom Doom for me?” 

A small noise of discontent came from Dominator. ‘Cat’ came to mind when Dominator tucked his arms over his lap and mumbled something about a meathead. Dominator waved away Dynamo bouncing against the side of the scientist’s head.    

“How did you know about that nickname?” Crusader asked.

“As I said, this is not the first time I’ve met you.” Paradox said. 

Observant, but still reactive to the unknown. It was too easy to spook his alternate, Paradox giggled. He knew it was easy to scare Crusader too if he was in the mood to test how jittery the guardian of Hamel was. Better not push them to the edge so early when the rest of the party hasn’t arrived yet. They were waiting for six more before departing to the next world. 

“How did you learn to control portals?” Crusader asked. 

Paradox continued smiling, showing his sharp teeth for an answer. The question in itself didn’t bother him, but the number of times and how it was a different person from each dimension asking the question did. He lost track of how many times a person asked the big old question as if he was obligated to retell them his sob story. It reopened old wounds to form new ones on his visible failures to save Mother. They didn’t need to know about her or why he was partially stuck with the form of a child. 

Immortal forced a laugh. The sword wielder raised one arm and smacked Crusader’s back with enough force to make the blond straighten his posture. 

“No need to fuss about the details,” the sword wielder beamed. “You can forget about us once this is sorted out!” 

“How can we forget about you and the other people we’ve met?” Crusader said, “Everyone is so different from their other selves, but it helps cover all our weaknesses in the things we usually can’t do. I know it’s best that we all return to where we came from, but I think it would help if we were to learn from each other before we leave.” 

“That’s for the man to decide,” Immortal shrugged. “As you may know, we’re not meant to be together without threatening our worlds.” 

“Are you talking about Paradox?” Crusader was confused. 

His question was thankfully interrupted by the sound of a woman screaming. Good, no more questions from the brats! Crusader was almost as bad as Dominator about asking questions and Immortal was no help warding them off his back. Continuing to lean back in a pose he claimed was ‘cool’ and feigning an innocent smile made it clear that Immortal was enjoying seeing the time traveler gain the spotlight.   

Immortal and Crusader rushed over to see a young woman at the bottom of a steep hill. She was lying on the floor with her legs comically sticking up in the air. Her white gown hung her body like tissue paper and her face was bruised by her poor landing. 

“Are you okay?” Flame frantically went over to check on Apsara. There were five other strangers with the Flame Lord with different reactions to their fallen teammate.  

“I warned her about the hill and she still fell,” Oz sighed. 

“Is this the feeling humans call disappointed?” Esencia asked. 

“That’s a strong word to use,” Crusader sweatdropped.  

“Can you feel your fingers?” Anemos asked. 

“I can feel them fine!” Apsara sat up and pouted. Her eyes lightened up when she saw Crusader, “Chung! Are these the people who will be helping us?”

“You mean Paradox and Immortal?” Crusader asked. “I think so. We can leave once everyone is here, right?” 

This wasn’t a party of adventurers, it was a mob. There were still a lot of people even after splitting them into three groups. It wasn’t there was a fourth person who could consistently transport multiple people to another dimension. 

“Thank you for helping us,” Rage said. He was a masculine man, whose armor barely covered his body and was recognized by the grotesque Nasod arm. The arm was a living organism that breathed in unison with its host.   

“Sure,” Paradox said. His muscles tensed in response to the El Search Party’s gratitude and reliance on him. 

“What took you so long?” Dominator asked. 

“We got lost,” Oz said. “Even with Escencia, it isn’t an easy map to read when the landmass is shifting.” 

“That’s because of all you extras,” Paradox snarked.  

“Which will be fixed soon,” Immortal added while glaring at him. 

“How can you say that with so much confidence?” Anemos asked. “Will this plan restore what has been lost?” 

“There’s no need to fight,” Apsara protested. “They’re offering to help us. Isn’t that enough? I’m sure more will be explained once we’re in a safer place.” 

“Since we are the cause of the world becoming unstable, removing ourselves would be the first step to repairing the damage.” Escencia said, “There’s no need in delaying our departure.” 

“Then a neutral zone where all of us can exist is the best place to be?” Flame asks. 

“Try not to throw us to the side or upside down this time,” Dominator waved his hand. “Some of us get motion sick.” 

Paradox made a note to absolutely open a portal flipped upside down. His smile made Dominator turn paler than he already was. The scientist sweated when Paradox opened his mouth to show pointed teeth. Black saliva dripped from his mouth and cackled when Dominator screamed.  

“Enough, already!” Immortal lost his patience and snapped, “Quit fooling around!” 

Sticking out his tongue, Paradox manipulated Dynamo to give a few twirls before opening a series of portals. They merged into a bigger portal. Its outer edge was formed by time crystals channeled by El resonance. Pink sparks flew dangerously from them, but it wouldn’t be a problem as long as Paradox was still here to control it. 

Turning to grin at the bewildered adventurers, Paradox laughed. No one could understand time and space travel, not even him. Maybe Immortal’s insane plan would work, but he wasn’t one to hold his breath. After all, repairing dimensions was a messy business even Paradox had little experience in. However, Paradox wasn’t going to be the one fixing the mess. That was someone else’s problem. 

As each group member exited into the portal, Paradox closed his eyes. The sky was a ruinous red. Dust and ash from shaken earth were still coming down. It wouldn’t be long before this dimension would see its demise unless that someone could fix it. Well, that wasn’t his problem. The last to leave, Paradox leaped onto Dynamo and flew through the portal, following the screams made by the rest of the El Search Party.  

----------------------------

Metamorphy

No amount of glitter and magic was going to resolve Metamorphy’s problem sitting opposite to each other and avoiding eye contact. Knight and Aether arrived at their meeting spot in a shouting match before Furious Blade had to separate them, still shouting to each other as Metamorphy begged them to calm down. Code: Ultimate’s glassy eyes reflected when the queen of destruction said the new members were not part of their original party. 

No matter, that didn’t change the original plan in gathering everyone to fix Paradox’s latest fuck up. Or at the very least mitigate whatever damage was done to the current world to prevent its complete collapse. There was still time. 

The tension in the air was palpable between Knight and Aether. Covered in a thin sheen of dried sweat, Knight had his hands curled into fists over his lap in a quiet fume. Aether was less secretive about it and had her arms crossed, turning her head away from the redhead with a small huff. Her counterpart was cruel in giving Knight the cold shoulders, but Metamorphy also didn’t know what could have caused Aether to give the redhead that type of treatment. 

“Are there more coming?” Blade asked. 

“We’re still waiting on five people,” Metamorphy said.  

The magical girl checked the message sent by Ultimate and forwarded to dozens of other people. As expected from Seraph’s alternate, it was succinct with a set of precise directions and a map leading to the meeting location. They were to meet north of the camping site, still within the range of the canyons surrounding the Shadow Vein. She was expecting the El Search Party to arrive as a group, but Knight said something about Chevalier still packing for the trip. Metamorphy recently received two messages that Herrscher and Paradox had gathered their groups to leave. She didn’t expect her group to be the last one! 

Man, this blows. Metamorphy blew a stray strand of hair hanging over her eyes. Watching herself pretend Knight wasn’t sitting across from her was painful. Placing one finger under her chin and tilting her head to the side in thought, Metamorphy frowned. It looked like it was time for her to interfere before one of them did something stupid out of spite. 

“Hey, do you have any questions you want to ask before we leave?” Metamorphy asked in the most cheerful tone she could without twitching her eyelids. She leaned against Aether and forced a smile, “I’m sure you must have a lot of questions about where we’re going!”

“I would if someone would stop hesitating every time we’re trying to save ourselves.” Aether purposely gave a side-eye to Knight with venom in her voice.   

“It’s not always about us,” Knight lost his temper. “We’re going to leave behind the people we said we were going to help!” 

“You can’t help people if you’re dead,” Aether said. 

“We’ll figure out how to save both of us without abandoning them,” he argued. 

“Like you did when you committed suicide by sacrificing yourself to the El?” She snarked. 

“Is this what it’s about?” Knight growled, “I wasn’t trying to kill myself! It was either me or Elesis. I only wanted to save her and everyone else!” 

“That’s so heroic of you,” Metamorphy feigned a swoon and batted her eyelashes. She tried not to laugh at Knight’s blank look and stiffened posture. The boy was clearly unused to that sort of response. “Giving yourself away because you see little value in yourself over that of something bigger than you.” 

Metamorphy beamed when she felt two pairs of eyes glaring at her and did a little curtsy with her skirt. She knew she had hit a sore spot because Knight clawed his hands over his armor with extra fervor and gritted his teeth. The magical girl could see the wheels turning of Knight fighting back the temptation to snap at a stranger that shared his teammate’s face.  

“Is that what you think he did?” Aether was the first to speak. Good, her attention was directed to someone else than the person she was taking her anger out on for the last twenty minutes. She was looking at Metamorphy as if she was seeing a ghost. 

“Did I get the details right?” Metamorphy asked with an innocent smile. She switched to a darker expression and lowered her intonation into a more sober one, “All Elswords share the same brain cell. Every one of them will do some variation of the same event. Yours isn’t any different than ours.”

“What did your Elsword do?” The Eve called Ultimate asked. Her cold exterior was veiled by concern and curiosity, traits Metamorphy hasn’t seen on Seraph in years. It was saddening to see that most Eves retained their emotions except for the one Metamorphy grew up with.  

“Gave himself away to the El to save his sister,” Metamorphy said. “His sister was saved, but he wasn’t. We were lucky to find his body and pull him back before the El permanently consumed him. The El extended his powers over the Dark El and made him stronger. ” 

“But his sister isn’t here?” Blade noted the use of past tense.

“No one has seen her in weeks,” Metamorphy showed her discomfort. Immortal put on a happy face, but she knew it was all a farce. Pulling the team together was his last attempt to find a purpose in retrieving the El as a guise to relocate Bloody Queen. “We came here looking for Paradox because Immortal wanted everyone together to fight against the new enemy. It didn’t occur to us that there would be more of you.” 

Knight was silent. All of his anger disappeared in place with a solemn smile. He was sympathizing with Immortal, nodding in understanding despite little else being said about the sword user. Metamorphy didn’t have to say more. 

No matter the size of the enemy or new cause, all Elswords saw the importance of gathering as many allies as possible. It made hiding from enemies difficult because of the sheer size of their group, but it gave them an advantage in number. However, with Queen missing in addition to Paradox and the demons appearing sporadically, their current team was standing at eight permanent team members. She knew it broke Immortal’s heart to see it remain relatively small for an adventurer party in comparison to the other paths. 

“No one would be angry at you for leaving,” Metamorphy looked at Knight with a kind expression. “You did what you could to help them. They would have liked you to take care of yourself too.” 

“That’s what Elesis told me too,” Knight said. “I feel like leaving is letting them know I failed.” 

“Failing in what?” Ultimate asked. 

“Helping them from the source of their home being destroyed,” Knight explained. “Someone out there is going to use the Dark El for selfish reasons.” 

“As to be expected,” Blade said. “When something of great power exists, there will always be people seeking for it as they did with the El. I haven’t met these people you speak of, but they have made it to this point on their own before you step foot here. Like you and your friends, they will find a way to make it through today.” 

“Are you saying there might be another way to save the El other than the Dark El?” Knight said. 

“I don’t know,” Blade admitted. Dressed in white, his Nasod arm was structured with balance and weight in mind. His face wasn’t framed in as many scars as Nova’s. “I do believe that you don’t need to sacrifice a part of yourself to help others. No war was won by a single person. It takes a group of dedicated people to make the changes that matter the most to people.” 

“Do you value yourself so lowly?” Aether asked. “Is it because of something we did or say to you? I just wanted you to know that you’re so important to the team. Without you, I don’t think we would have gotten to Velder, let alone to the Demon Realm. Our team would have fallen apart before that.” 

“I know,” Knight said. “I didn’t say anything before, but I’m scared. What if all of this was for nothing? We help the demons, but then there’s no Dark El. Or the Henir cultists found it first. So many things can go wrong…” 

Aether let out a soft laugh. Quiet and melodic, it bounced off the canyon walls surrounding the outside of Shadow Vein. Knight looked up from his lap, confused by her reaction and looking over to Metamorphy for a hint. The magical girl shrugged. 

“We place so much weight on you,” Aether said with a sad smile. “You didn’t have to take the lead, but you always did. With enthusiasm, but then that went away because of all the danger we were always in.” 

“Raven or Elesis should have been the leader,” Knight said. “They have more experience than me. What would a kid like me know?” 

“At eighteen years old, you are no longer a child.” Ultimate said, “but I agree that your current arrangement is not productive for the party. It would be more effective and efficient if you were to make more decisions as a group rather than rely on one person.” 

“Is that something your team does?” Knight asks. “Rune told me about it and I thought it was strange how different even our teams operate.” 

Is that how it worked for these two parties? Metamorphy was interested in hearing more. Every El Search Party had a different setup. Some relied on a single person as their leader, often Elsword unless he was killed or the responsibility was handed over to another person, usually Raven or Elesis. She once met a party led by Ciel. It was… strange and more often involved searching for ingredients for new recipes. Other parties made decisions as a group or focused on a few key members to make important decisions.       

“You don’t have to choose the path others did before you,” Blade said. “I think you of all people know that the most. Choose what works for you so you don’t overwork yourself.” 

“I want to help everyone,” Knight said. “But that isn’t possible, is it?” 

“We’ll help you,” Aether went over to sit next to Knight, leaning against the knight with a bright smile. “Once we’re back together with the others, we can start making decisions as a team.”

“Thanks, Aisha.” Knight smiled back, “You’re not so bad when you’re nice.” 

Aether twitched and threw her staff at the red-haired knight. Folding her arms across her chest, the mage spun around and scowled. So much for a short moment of peace, Metamorphy laughed.  

“Since when wasn’t I nice?” Aether asked. 

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” He held up both hands, “I didn’t mean it like that! I mean you’re cool, uh, thoughtful!”

“I suppose I’ll take that as a compliment,” Aether picked up her staff and pouted. 

“You’re expecting a lot of him to take a hint,” Metamorphy winked at her counterpart. “He doesn’t know, does he?”

“Know what?” Knight asked. 

“Thought so,” Metamorphy smirked. She cupped Knight’s face in between her gloved hands and gushed, “You’re so cute not knowing anything.” 

“Hey!” Aether protested. 

Knight’s face turned into the same color as his hair. 

Metamorphy dropped her hands and jokingly stuck out her tongue to her counterpart. She could see why Paradox was inclined to stay with the two groups. They were so much fun to talk to! She couldn’t wait to tell her teammates about the new people she had met.  

“They’re here,” Ultimate said. Pointing through her line of vision were five silhouettes framed by dark shadows cast by the sun against the granite floor. 

A woman in a black cocktail dress walked beside a man wearing white armor and a blue scarf. Devi was chuckling at something said by Phantom, who was pointing to Metamorphy and making gestures to himself. The cyan colored eyes and hair gave away Richter’s identity in how he kept looking back at the two demons walking behind him.  

Hulling heavy bags were Chevalier and Ishtar. Their eyes shone like stars, lost in their own separate conversation. Metamorphy overheard mentions of food and exotic spices from a faraway land. It was strange to see the demons be talkative over the dreaded silence she more frequently witnessed between Anular and Iblis.  

“There you are!” Metamorphy ran up to them with open arms, “Now we’re ready to take off!” 

“Where are we going?” Richter asked. 

“Will there be demons?” Devi smirked. 

“No demons,” Metamorphy shook her head. “I think you’ve all been to this place. Henir's Time and Space?”

“I see.” Phantom said, “It’s a neutral space because Glave made it so that there can be multiple copies of the same person.”

“You think Glave can fix this?” Chevalier asked. 

“He certainly has the abilities to suggest he can,” Ishtar remarked.  

“After telling us about the corrupted monsters, Glave must have seen some kind of use in us,” Blade said. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask him for help.”  

“Exactly!” Metamophy said, “Besides, I think there’s a way to reset this dimension so that any of the damage done right now will never happen.” 

“How?” Aether asked. 

Metamorphy looked at the nine people entrusted in her hands, knowing fully well that Immortal trusted her in taking them to safety. It was a lot to ask, but she wasn’t ready to give up on these people just yet. Despite the number of dimensions she had visited, she never stayed long enough to see the fates of their denizens. She wanted to see the future of the lively people she had barely talked to.  

“Why, I’m glad you asked!” Metamorphy heard herself speak. She clasped her hands together with a cheerful smile, “It means we’re going to let this dimension collapse on itself!” 

----------------------------

Author Notes: When I first drafted the outline for this fic, I imagined it to end by chapter 8. I started this fanfic out of the wish to see all the paths interact in some shape or form. It means a lot to me to see that many people want the same. Everyone’s feedback was encouraging and it helped me keep going. I’m not sure when the next update will occur because of work, but I plan on continuing with the story until the very end. Sorry for the long chapter. 

[stvlti]

全部わかってしまったら...

Once I know everything, what should I do? — Misa no Uta

I had a few brainwaves about songs that totally work as Misa FST again, so I made another mix about her. This time I tried to stick to her anime canon characterisation as much as possible. There are also a few tracks about Light, Rem, and Takada in relation to her POV. 

01. Savages - Marina and the Diamonds // 02. Holding Out for a Hero - Nothing But Thieves // 03. Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! at the Disco // 04. Honeymoon - Lana Del Rey // 05. Immortal - Marina and the Diamonds // 06. Psycho - Muse // 07. Explosion - Zolita // 08. INTERLUDE: Devil Inside - London Grammar // 09. Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC) - Fall Out Boy // 10. 我們他們 - Ivana Wong // 11. Coming Down - The Weeknd // 12. Savage - LIGHTS

► LISTEN ON:  8TRACKS | SPOTIFY | TUMBLR (defunct)

(Other Misa Amane fanmixes can be found HERE and HERE.)

May 2020 update: due to various licensing issues, not all tracks in the 8tracks version may be playable. I have therefore also added a Spotify link, but please be aware that that version is missing the London Grammar track. the Tumblr version is no longer live.

Notes, translation, and commentary under the cut. Content warnings for song lyrics: drug use, ableist and abusive language, infidelity.

Haha, it’s not a Misa Amane fanmix from yours truly without an Ivana Wong song. Well, below is a translation of it. (Original lyrics can be found here.)

“我們他們” (Us; Them)

The gull sees the upper half of the sky’s colour1 The bat remembers the lower half of the hill’s shadow

The figure2 expresses dissatisfaction in the body also Light and shadow3, how do we differentiate from the other half? What are “we”? What makes “them”? 

Even if I opened my eyes, Gazed at that moon that is only half of itself, Differences4, let us not mind them first, Let us enjoy the full moon together 

Could we exchange our feelings with each other? Assuming that our positions are swapped with one another? 

The morning flower is grateful for the first half of spring’s sights5 The red maple regrets the second half of autumn’s eyes6 Looking back at “us”; understanding “them” What are “we”? Who is knocking on the door? 

Even if I opened my eyes, Gazed at that moon that is only half of itself, Differences, let us not mind them first, Let us enjoy the full moon together 

Could we exchange our feelings with each other? Assuming that our positions are swapped with one another? 

The paper crane moves to reside7 in the upper half of the sky The bullet buries itself in the lower half of the sea of flames Understanding “us”; looking back at “them” 

Grey hues, how do we judge shades of black and white? In the centre, how do we criticise the left and the right? Who are “we”? What makes “them”? Who is knocking on the door? Who is willing to answer the door?

Notes:

“天色”:  I’ve transliterated this into “sky’s colour”, but the phrase is usually taken to mean the time of the day (as evidenced by the colour of the sky), or the weather (again, as evidenced by the sky)

“身影”: I translated this into “figure”, as in a person’s figure. “Form” is a good alternative translation. Yes, it may seem to redundant as the line then goes on to refer to the person’s “body”, but that’s the point of the polyptoton I suppose.

“光影”:  I transliterated this into “light and shadow”, but in most instances the phrase is colloquially taken to simply mean “shadow”.

“偏差”:  I translated this into “differences” as it flows better, but that actually generalizes the original denotation a bit. A more precise translation would yield words like “deviation”, “divergence”, etc.

“春光”:  A literal translation would be “spring’s light”, but “光” (light) can sometimes taken to mean sights or scenery, as in “風光”.

“秋水”: This one takes a bit more contextualizing. Literally, it translates into “autumn’s waters”, but at times it’s been used idiomatically as a metaphor for clear, limpid, feminine eyes. I mashed the two denotations together to produce the current translation, “autumn’s eyes”. I am unsure which denotation the songwriter intended, probably both? (Well, that’s the norm in Chinese poetry and lyrics, metaphors and double entendres tend to be inherent in most visual imagery.) In any case, I made sure to include a nod at the idea of watery, feminine eyes because it’s Misa we’re talking about here, in this mix.

“寄居”:  A more unequivocal translation would be “moving away from one’s home to live someplace else temporarily”.

(This translation + notes have been adapted from the version at @pocketsizedthoughts​.)

More about this song later. I’ll go through the tracks one by one.

To be honest, knowing this was going to be my 3rd Misa mix gave me expectations for myself. I tried to affect the kind of intertextuality I achieved in my second Misa mix, where I sustained lyrical references between its tracks and the stuff in my first Misa mix. Hence, the inclusion of Lana’s Honeymoon on this mix again, to hark back to the aesthetics on my second Misa mix. I also included The Weeknd’s Coming Down as a cheeky nod to Halsey’s song of the same name (which is included in my second Misa mix). Halsey and The Weeknd’s songs are very different animals though – here’s some graphics I edited to compare the two songs in the context of Light, Misa, and Takada’s triangle. (More on this comparison later.)

The idea for this mix came about when I first listened to LIGHTS’s Savage. I thought it would make a fun bookend to Marina’s Savages (which asks the existential questions of human nature reminiscent of Light’s Kira), sort of like an antanaclasis of the word. But more importantly, LIGHTS’s Savage (“What do you do when a man don’t love you?”) reminded me of the realisation Misa achieved in Misa no Uta (“zenbu wakatte shimattara dousureba iino?” / “once I know everything, what should I do?”). (Again, please read Kim @casuistor’s brilliant dissection of Misa no Uta for a better understanding of how the scene shapes Misa’s anime characterisation in comparison to manga!Misa’s characterization.)

So, there was the starting point for this mix. You can see that I’ve uncreatively used the quoted lyric from Misa no Uta as the title for this mix. The cover artwork is my attempt at mimicking the anime’s shot of Misa staring out towards the sunset as she contemplates her usefulness to Light in Misa no Uta (a scene that, as Kim pointed out, is then paralleled in her suicidal contemplation at the end of the anime).

Unlike my first two Misa mixes, which are decidedly canon-divergent in the way it characterizes Misa (i.e. much brasher, and more autonomous than even Misa no Uta suggests), I tried to stay closer to the anime characterisation whilst branching out a bit to include the POVs of her surrounding characters as well. Sure, Marina’s Savages sounds like it could potentially be a monologue for Light and Misa both, but Emperor’s New Clothes, Psycho, and Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC) unmistakably represents Light’s voice in this story. In other words, the tracks with masculine vocalists are all Light’s theme tracks. You can also tell by the bombastic sounds and boastful and grandiose tone of the lyrics – they suit Light’s character as he is in canon.

I also gave Rem a voice; I figured she deserves to finally be included in a mix about Misa’s story. I only recently discovered Zolita and her song, Explosion, which works so much better than any previous candidates I had in mind as a theme for Rem. (The narrator in the song is speaking from a sapphic POV, for one.)

And though Takada wasn’t exactly given a track that narrates from her POV, she is also referenced in her relation to Light in the tracks Devil Inside and Twin Skeleton’s. The latter from Light’s POV of course (“I need a new partner in crime”); the former from an objective POV. You’ll also notice that Devil Inside is designated the “Interlude” of the playlist. It may not have neatly divided the mix into two equal halves, but it does mark the point at which Takada enters the narrative again as part of the Kira squad. “Here comes a woman, with a look in her eye,” indeed.

Anyway, enough of me waffling about the general course of the mix’s narrative direction. I promised a track-by-track breakdown. Here it is.

 Savages

As stated, this works as an opener for the Kiras in general, questioning human nature and its capacity for violence and destruction. The song does retain a certain tone of self-deprecation and self-awareness that I think places it a bit further away from Light’s egomania though, hence I thought it more fitting for Misa’s perspective. The line, “I’m not afraid of God, I am afraid of man,” cements this, anyway. 

(There’s a chance Marina intended for “man” to be an encompassing term for human beings regardless of gender, but I think it fits Misa if we interpret it as a gendered term; she is a victim of two crimes committed against her and her family both by male criminals, after all.)

“Are you killing for yourself or killing for your savior?” Here’s another line I’ve twisted slightly to suit the meaning of my mix. I’m sure Marina was referencing suicide bombers and other sort of religious terrorists out there, but if we turn this around, Misa is also literally killing for First Kira, who she sees as her “savior”.

You can hear it on the news You can watch it on TV You can read it on your phone You can say it’s troubling

These lines also fit well with Light’s rhetoric of seeing crimes on the news day-in day-out, and just the general relationship the Kiras have with the media towards the last arc of the story.

 Holding Out for a Hero

Don’t laugh, I know you’re probably thinking of the Shrek OST. No, hear me out. I specifically chose this cover of the song because it has this darker edge that is absent in most covers of the song, which obviously suits the tone of Death Note as a series. But also, Conor Mason’s wailing vocals simply make for a good expression of Misa’s desperation before she was “saved” by Kira.

Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Well, the idea of “the gods” is just too cheeky a reference to Kira’s self-proclaimed godhood for me to not include this track. The idea of this hero being “larger than life” is also very fitting for Light’s kind of Kira, who wishes to reform the entire world on an abstract level. 

The line, “streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds”, perfectly encapsulates the idea of the “rising odds” of crime on the street. Plus, it corresponds to the lyric from Misa no Uta, “Hold my hand in the dark street”. Sort of. The fairytale image suggested in the next line is also something Misa herself has voiced in canon, calling Light her “knight” in shining armour.

And of course, I also chose this song for its latent intertextuality… “It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet” – a nice little nod to Taylor Swift’s track, Superman, as is included in my second Misa mix.

Emperor’s New Clothes

(Finders keepers, losers weepers)

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die If it feels good, tastes good It must be mine Dynasty decapitated You just might see a ghost tonight

Oh, yes, there’s no doubt by the sound of the bombastic trumpets and the self-indulgent lyrics that this is a song fit for Light’s entrance. “Finders keepers, losers weepers” – that’s just him talking about the Death Note. Whoever finds it, keeps it, and he will rise above while L and other adversaries lose to him.

Now, I’ll admit that this song is better placed as a “comeback” song for when Light regains his memory (“I’m taking back the crown”). It’s even suggested in the very first verse, the one I quoted (“Done my time and served my sentence”). And I’ve always been aware of this – long before I made this mix, I made an edit for this idea of the song being an FST to EP25. But I needed a definitive song for Light’s introduction into this mix, and this song is most characteristic of him. So just… turn a blind eye ear, and focus on the opening line, “Welcome to the end of eras”. It’s Light’s way of saying it’s Kira’s era now (the era of the New World).

Honeymoon

This is just such a perfect song for Misa’s character, I couldn’t resist including it again on this mix. The combination of its lush, orchestral sound and Lana’s croons really channel Misa’s romanticism and penchance for fashion and style. And of course, the imagery of the singer’s lover being a criminal pursued by his enemies is just a perfect fit for Misa’s relationship with Light. (I mean, look at this gifset. It’s a perfect match for the lyrics, jesus.)

As mentioned in my notes for the second Misa mix, the lines, “There’s nothing to lose now that I’ve found you,” and, “There’s no wonder every man in town / had neither fought nor found you,” really punctuate Misa’s entrance into the story – at this point in the narrative, she is the only one to have found First Kira, and it gives her peace of mind now that she has found her “savior”.

So, this track offers a twofold reference. There is the obvious reference to my second Misa mix, in which this song basically opened up the rest of the mix and set the stage for the narrative there. And then the very idea of “finding” someone or something also functions as an echo of the little notion of “finders keepers” in Emperor’s New Clothes. It’s a cheeky little parallel I’m going for here: while Light finds a purpose in a tool with which to create his New World, Misa finds a different purpose in an object worthy of her affections. Hence, why I inserted this song right after the other one.

Immortal

This track is included as a spotlight on Misa’s character. Although I’ll admit, the desire to achieve godhood in the opening line is less characteristic of Misa than it is of Light, the logic that Marina works through in the lyrics to arrive at the conclusion that “Love” is the only thing that can achieve immortality is quite like Misa’s worldview. She is a strong believer in the power of love, and all that stuff.

By the bridge, this song is in full-swing Misa mode:

No, I don't wanna be afraid, Afraid to die, die, die I just wanna be able to say That I have lived my life, life Oh, all the things that humans do To leave behind a little proof But the only thing that doesn't die is love, love, love

“Oh, all the things that humans do / to leave behind a little proof,” – this line gives this song just a touch of self-awareness and deprecation that, again, distinguishes it from Light’s character. But it is just like Misa to face death with courage or bravado, as she did during confinement and would rather beg for death than reveal First Kira’s identity. It is also like her to say that having loved and be loved would give her existence a bigger meaning.

Psycho

Love, it will get you nowhere You're on your own Lost in the wild So come to me now I could use someone like you Someone who'll kill on my command And asks no questions

This is the opening verse of the song. Yes, ironic, isn’t it, in the way it counters the beliefs espoused in the previous track? That is exactly what I intended. Of course, in canon, Light would never voice these thoughts to Misa’s face. But it does create a good contrast to Misa’s character, and reveals the core nature of their relationship – built around lies and promises of false love.

The rest of the song sounds even less like something Light would say to any of his supporters. I’ll admit, when I first found this song, I just thought it would work as an expression of Light’s inward attitudes towards the other Kiras. Mikami, in particular – he is indeed just a foot soldier to Light’s sergeant (which is the story acted out by the two monologuing voices in the background of the track). But for the sake of this mix, let’s just ignore this separate thread… Anyway, Misa is also a pawn for Light to use, she even says so when she first throws her affections at Light. Yeah, you get the idea that I’m not a proponent of their relationship by now.

Explosion

It's a mindless love affair One hot mess of bleach blonde hair

As stated before, this track is intended to be an interjection from Rem about her feelings towards Misa. I particularly chose to place it at this point in the mix because in canon, Rem does issue a threat and a warning to Light the night Misa offers to be used by him: after he callously states that he could just kill off Misa if she is going to be difficult about his fake-dating covers with the other girls, Rem tells Light that she would kill him if he causes harm to Misa in any way, shape or form.

That is the gist of the line, “Don't call me about him I don't wanna hear / Put him out of your mind just make him disappear.” In my mind, there is no doubt that Misa must have at some point felt put off by the callous attitude Light displays towards her. At least, with the way she expresses her disagreement with his decision to date several girls at once upon their first meeting, it’s safe to say she does feel frustration in her relationship with Light. And as we can see from the conversations between Rem and Misa, the two obviously trust each other; there is a roommates vibe going on between them (in anime!canon, at least). It’s not such a stretch to imagine Misa spilling her guts, including her relationship troubles, to Rem at some point.

But lesbian!Rem takes a bit more headcanoning. I know that this isn’t confirmed canon by the anime, but hey, gay!Rem is a real thing in the musical, and I’m always going to stan the idea of Rem being a lovesick fool for Misa. She has “feelings” for her, after all. Hence, “Are we sisters or are we lovers?”

So then, the last line of the song, “you’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine…” isn’t really a confirmation of the two being romantically involved together. It’s more an exclamation on Rem’s end, an expression of her possessiveness and overall concern for Misa’s safety and happiness (especially knowing Light’s god-awful treatment of her).

Devil Inside

I designated this track as the interlude because the slow start of the song provides a bit of a lull in the mix, which is perfect for preluding the switch in narrative direction to introduce Takada’s character. 

The other reason it’s only an “interlude” and not a standalone track is that it is a relatively short song; this cover stops just short of the bridge of the original. As such, I don’t have much to add in commentary either. I’ve pretty much already said all that I have when I pointed out earlier that this song introduces Takada – the point in canon when she is enlisted by Light as a potential Kira-proxy:

Here comes the woman With the look in her eye Raised on leather With flesh on her mind Words as weapons sharper than knives Makes you wonder How the other half died

Again, this is a bit of a pick-and-choose-your-context kind of song. Takada is certainly not “raised on leather”. Actually, when I first heard this song 2 years ago, I had conceived of it as more of a study of Light and Misa as a couple. Misa has “the look in her eye”, because she has the Shinigami Eyes. 

However, that would also be unfaithful to the canon characterisations of them and their relationship. (Misa may wear leather on occasion, but she is not a wielder of words as weapons…) And anyway, Takada also gets the Shinigami Eyes later on in the series. And she certainly has more of an eye for ambition and sociopolitical fame than Misa does. So she has a “look in her eye” in both senses of the word. And since she is a news anchor, with the kind of intelligence a To-Oh graduate has, she certainly has the ability make her words hurt if she wants them to. (Case in point: her pissing contest with Misa at their dinner “date” right before the pop music festival. She is the one to go on offense first.)

But what I like about this song is still how it pairs the woman and the man in the lyrics by their crooked, murderous nature. Check out the parallelisms between the 2 verses:

Here come the man With the look in his eyes Fed on nothing But full of pride Look at them go Look at them kick Makes you wonder How the other half live

By this part of the song, it’s fair to say this can refer to both Light’s relationship with Misa and with Takada at once. “Look at them go / look at them kick”: Misa’s relationship with Light is falling apart, but Takada’s relationship with Light doesn’t exactly end in rainbow and unicorns either. “Makes you wonder / how the other half live”: easy, the women don’t. (Takada is killed by Light, and Misa dies indirectly because of him when she commits suicide.)

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC)

Another song with masculine vocals, this one for Light’s POV on his and Takada’s relationship. Bar the bit about how this hotel is located in NYC, most of the lyrics fit the scene in Ep.32, where Light has a ~secret rendezvous with Takada at the hotel.

I will concede, the line, “I don’t want to remember it all,” is also out of character for Light considering that he would probably saw off his left toe before he’d be willing to give up his memories again, but yeah… just ignore it :/

I just need enough of you to dull the pain Just to get me through the night till we're twins again

Ahh, this one is a bit obscure in meaning, but someone pointed out that the twin imagery is more alluding to people who think alike, and Takada certainly started becoming Kira’s unofficial spokesperson before Light even enlisted her to be one, because they share the same ideals about justice. (But also, I’ve always thought that there are similarities between Takada and Light’s looks. The hairstyle, the kind of clothes they wear, etc. Takada’s the closest option to a genderbent version of Light in canon.)

'Til we're stripped down to our skeletons again

Following the same logic in the line, “I just need enough of you to dull the pain”, the idea of being “stripped down to skeletons” is another display of brutal honesty and genuine emotions from the narrator of the track. Except, I do believe that in the context of Light being the speaker, this should be taken with a grain of salt. He is an adept liar, after all, and in canon he does lie convincingly to Takada about his affections (or lack thereof).

'Til we're saints just swimming in our sins again

This line takes the POV out from the immersion however, since Light and Takada most certainly will no acknowledge their actions as being “wrong” or “sinful”. They do see themselves as saints, but only saints, in their actions as Kira / Kira-proxy.

And there's a jet black crow droning on and on and on Up above our heads droning on and on and on Keep making trouble 'til you find what you love I need a new partner in crime and you shrug

The last line in the verse here is the one quoted in my mix annotations, and it’s pretty obviously a variation of what Light says when he appeals to Takada. What I want to talk about, actually, is the imagery of the crow. The crow is often used as a symbol of Death or as an omen for some other trouble. Here though, the former connotation works, as Ryuk is literally poised above the Kiras in all instances as he watches in entertainment. But the risk of being caught by the task force or the SPK is also a constant danger that hangs above their heads.

 我們他們

The original meaning of this song is far from apolitical.

Grey hues, how do we judge shades of black and white? In the centre, how do we criticise the left and the right?

These lines condense the imagery of borders and binary opposites throughout the song into a very clear message of how what’s right and what’s wrong are often not clear-cut ideas that one can just pick apart and confine to two separate groups. There are shades of grey in every discourse.

(And while the phrase, “the left and the right,” is referring to the two opposing political ideologies, it also makes for a good wordplay for rightness and those that are righteous. Light and the Kiras are self-righteous. (But to be honest, they are also quite right-wing conservative in their beliefs about the death penalty…))

Again, in the same vein as Immortal and Savages, this awareness of the arbitrariness of moral judgment without excluding the speaker’s own flaws from the same observations suits Misa’s character more than it does Light. She understands very well the grey morality of her actions (sacrificing the few that get in their way) whereas Light is more inclined to wave away those murders of the innocent with the justification that it’s not the same when he does it because he’s “God”.

But I also chose to include this song in the track-list because the divide between “us” and “them” can simultaneously reference the differences between Misa/Light’s faltering relationship and Light/Takada’s increasing closeness. (“Us” = Misa/Light, “Them” = Light/Takada.) So then, the idea of someone “knocking on the door” to Misa/Light’s relationship, and Misa questioning which one of them is willing to open the door to external enquirers, is a nod to the track, Dollhouse (as featured on my second Misa mix), which presents the idea of a dysfunctional marriage and its imperfections being hushed up from the outside world.

And at the chorus, we have the navel-gazing that really characterizes this song as a Misa theme track:

Even if I opened my eyes, Gazed at that moon that is only half of itself, Differences, let us not mind them first, Let us enjoy the full moon together

Ironically, although Misa has the Shinigami Eyes, the ability to see through lies of fake names and such, she is willfully blind to Light’s emotional manipulation for most of the anime. Even after her realization in Misa no Uta that she should not longer be needed once she “knows everything”, she chooses to stay with Light. And that is exactly what is represented here, in this chorus. Even if she “opened her eyes” to the lies between herself and Light, gazed at a Raito (月; “moon”) that only shows half of his whole self, and realise the distance between them, she will not mind it and continue to stay with their shoddy excuse of a holy union. (Oh, yeah, in Chinese culture, full moons have the connotations of family reunions. So the imagery of a “full moon” here can mean two things: (1) the illusion of Light being his whole self in front of Misa, or (2) their marriage itself.)

P.S. I’d like to think the line, “The bullet buries itself in the lower half of the sea of flames,” is a neat little echo of the lines, “There are guns that blaze around you / … / And a fire that surrounds you,” from Honeymoon.

 Coming Down

Again, masculine vocals = Light’s POV. This song may be the least in-character for him, however, since The Weeknd’s lyrics always retain a little bit of self-deprecation, and this song’s no different. We could read these lyrics from a different angle though, and imagine Light apologizing / acting the victim as another tactic to manipulate Misa’s sympathies. That’s what a lot of manipulative partners do, anyway. And those with battered woman syndrome do tend to believe the abuser’s excuses, believing that the abuser will be better “next time”.

But, as pointed out by the juxtaposed graphics in my edit, he is clearly two-timing Misa and Takada.

Pick up your phone The party's finished and I want you to know I'm all alone

He is not really “all alone”, because he had Takada on the side. And he only asks for Misa as a second-choice, he only returns to her when the “party” (rendezvous with Takada) is over.

The refrain, “I always want you when I'm coming down,” is just like Light when he tries to sweet-talk with Misa, making Misa feel wanted and loved by the man she is forever infatuated with. But like the edit, it’s also a direct reference to the Halsey track of the same name, Coming Down, on my second mix. Both songs are of course talking about the experience of coming down from a drug-induced high, but as discussed in the other mix’s notes, I am taking this as a metaphor for coming down from some sort of delusion. While for the Halsey track, I am talking about a canon-divergent Misa letting go of the delusion that Light would ever reciprocate her feelings in a way she wants him to, for this track, I am talking about Light taking a few steps back from delusions of grandeur and full-blown prideful dismissal of the rest of the world. Specifically, I am thinking of the scene in Yellowbox Warehouse, where towards the end when he is begging for his life, he asks for Takada, then Misa. He needs Misa at his most vulnerable, when he can’t accept his defeat.

 Savage

But then, fate denies Light from reuniting with Misa, even if just to use her. While Light begs for his life, Misa sits in the Teito Hotel, memories erased, and none the wiser. Ironically, Misa’s involuntary inaction parallels her doubts about her own feelings since, as mentioned in @casuistor’s meta, Misa is aware of the fissures in her relationship with Light. Even before she learns of Light’s death, she is starting to lose faith in her marriage, as she knows that Light no longer “loves” her the way he did in the first part of the series. And that moment in Misa’s life is, in essence, what this track captures.

But I didn’t choose this track simply for its resemblance (“What do you do when a man don’t love you”) to the mix’s titular lyric of Misa no Uta, or the nice little bookend it makes relative to the opening track, Marina’s Savages. There are other nuances to this track that makes it a perfect closer. For one, it recounts the start of the relationship, right before the decay began.

I was hangin' next to you By a thread from so high We were heaven and the moon In the center of my eye And now it shines on you And I would kiss your crown

These lyrics at once recall (1) the moon symbolism in Light’s character (thus corresponding to 我們他們); (2) how he entered Misa’s life when she spotted him through Shinigami Eyes vision, subsequently becoming the “centre” of her universe; (3) how the two once reigned as God and Goddesses of the New World, from a “heaven” of their own (which, by the way, is intended as a reference to Halsey’s Young Gods from the second Misa mix), yet (4) even in their high places, Misa was always living hanging on by a thread, emotionally-speaking, because she was always dependent on him; and (5) how Misa viewed him as her king, whose “crown” she would worship with her love (and this, in turn, corresponds well with the decadent imagery in Emperor’s New Clothes).

The religious imagery continues in the second verse of the song, as well:

So just say it like you mean it Won't you scream it out like it's religion You were the priest and the prophet You were my scripture and my conviction

Again, this sums up how Misa viewed Light as her savior at the start of the series, and how he was a symbol of her convictions and beliefs about the karmic occurrences in her life (i.e. the criminal that killed her parents getting killed in turn).

But if Light is a god, he is not a forgiving one, as he is capable of unleashing a “flash flood of cruelty” (like God did in the Old Testament to wipe out His flawed creations). I think by the end of anime!canon, when Misa is clearly struggling with alcoholism even in EP.33 (during her dinner with Takada), she is most definitely aware of the cruel side of Light.

The cruel actions of the singer’s lover is elaborated in the hook of the song:

But when you hung up the phone and you blocked my number I was alone in the rain and thunder

This feels a bit like a direct answer to The Weeknd’s Coming Down. It really shows that even though Light can call Misa on a whim, basically ensuring the Misa is at his beck and call, this is not reciprocated, because he is not easily accessible from Misa’s end.

And finally, in the chorus:

What do you do when a man don't love you? He takes the sun from the sky above you How do you fix the damage? How do you break the habit? I never knew you could be so savage

As discussed before, when the singer makes the final accusation, within the context of this mix, it really turns the question around to accuse Light that is no better than the mere mortals that is deemed “savages” by Kira’s judgements (in Marina’s Savages). But the line, “How do you fix the damage / How do you break the habit,” is also very telling of Misa’s psychological state. She knows of the faults in her relationship with Light, but she cannot find it in herself to quit it.

[torentialtribute]

Rangers legend Fernando Ricksen opens up on battle with motor neurone disease

The players who knew Fernando Ricksen the best, remember how he would burst through the doors of the Rangers canteen like a cyclone and the silence shattered.

Barry Ferguson does not mind that he admits that his heart would fall short of anticipation and that he would think, while he was sitting there at 8 o'clock, & # 39; Oh s ** t, here he eats – my peace goes frightened & # 39 ;.

Ferguson always saw something about Paul Gascoigne in Ricksen. & # 39; A large child that did not have an off button. A child with a sugar shower. Sometimes a total pain in the a ***, but deep inside I loved him for it. & # 39;

[R] In October 2013 Ricksen was diagnosed with the incurable motor neuron disease

It is that the collective memory of the individual has chosen the shared PFA Player of the Year of Scotland in 2004-05 , who makes his entrance

It is almost six years ago that the former Holland International announced at the age of 37 that he was in a fight that he would not win, with motor neuron disease.

He stated in his extraordinary autobiography that he is not a "normal guy". was not and # 39; would give up & # 39; in the face of the disease. Yet his arrival in a packed Tradeston Ex-Servicemen & # 39; s Club reveals the unrelenting nature of the disease. Now 42, he is a shadow of the gladiator who wore the No. 2 jersey during the stadium on the road.

An audience of 300 has been present here for a fundraising evening since a fixed start time of 19.30 hours, although a word comes from a delay when leaving the hospice that has become his home, half a day drive for hours to the east.

Ricksen's latest appearance with Rangers fans, in October, made him struggle to breathe and was hospitalized for three months with a return to Spain as unsafe, so they do not look as self-evident.

Ricksen is largely unrecognizable from the gentle person with old age Katie Price – then known as Jordan – and got fantastic fantastic in a six-year Rangers career from 2000, but the eyes are clear and the materializations the emaciated face are the same as always.

Why was it important that you were here tonight? & # 39 ;, he asked when he had stationed his chair in the middle of the room. & # 39; It's good that I get out of bed! & # 39; he answers and brings the house down.

He used the same kind of computer-based speech system that was used by Professor Stephen Hawking, who was affected by the same disease.

Allows Ricksen to communicate in a way he never thought possible, limiting him to a series of blinks to & # 39; yes & # 39; or & # 39; no & # 39; to signal when his voice failed. But answering the most elementary question is difficult. I have to train his eyes on every letter of the computer keyboard to spell the word he is trying to say.

& # 39; How do you feel? & # 39; & # 39; Very good, & # 39; he replies. & # 39; You feel good? & # 39; & # 39; Absolutely. & # 39;

One dates from October

One dates from October

One dates from October 2003 and the Club League clash on Panathinaikos then, after lunch the day before the game, a number of board members of the club Ricksen said he would not have the courage to throw chairman John McClelland to the hotel pool.

& # 39; Then I saw him struggling and gasping for air. That his phone, wallet and £ 20,000 Rolex were still in his pocket. When I returned, they told me they could not swim. Bastards! I started to feel uncomfortable because of the joke. "

McClelland's reaction went along the lines of that and you're noted, but Ricksen smiles broadly, while the automated voice closes the story, it's an hour to compose.

& # 39 It makes me laugh even now.I think that I have contributed, by taking the pressure from everyone.This is my excuse anyway. "

A break for food creates the chance for photo 's with Ricksen, a row that goes back to the door I went to. There are requests to Ricksen's head, which periodically adjusts his wife, Veronika, to alleviate any stress. Ricksen lacks the ability of the muscle to do so, but many can not help embracing it.

There is an unpredictable sadness about Ricksen who has the ability to hear and see everything that unfolds in a room full of supporters standing in line to be photographed

& # 39; I am grateful that I have the machine, & # 39; he says. Before I had it, very little communication was possible, but this has made things different. It has opened new possibilities. I can do many things with it. "

The question about the value of the machine takes a few seconds to ask him, the answer takes 10 minutes to compose.

It would have taken 30 seconds to know that he has also calculated how much the machine can do for him, he has set up a system that allows him to receive and reply to WhatsApp messages and use his computer screen as a TV, downloads box sets, and uses the US-Canadian sci-fi series Stargate as the favorite

& # 39; He is the full techie & # 39 ;, says his friend and regular visitor, Pauline Glen, who is aware of Ricksen's limitations as any. "We know each other well and sometimes I forget him and I ask him for ten things when I arrive & # 39 ;, she says.

There is no disguise of the enormity of the challenge that a disease entails, which just struck when Ricksen thought he was confronted with it and struck down his demons.

Drink was the core of many of them. It was behind an argument with an air inspector when he returned from abroad with Rangers, who effectively ended his time in Glasgow.

The autobiography, Fighting Spirit, tells the story of how Zenit club doctor Dr. Sergey Poechov saw many players, including Ricksen, injected with "liquid preparations."

He says: & # 39; There were needles and syringes everywhere. Players hooked on drips, laughing. It looked like a secret laboratory. I was astonished. Doctor Pukhov stared at me from behind his desk. I smiled.

With the help of the Sporting Chance.

clinic, Ricksen defeated his drinking problem. By the summer of 2013 I spent four years with Veronika, who is Russian. Their daughter, Isabella, was born in 2011. They lived in the warmth of Valencia. Then I realized that something was wrong, initially with his speech. & # 39; I was different. I sounded like I was drunk. But I was absolutely not. "

He relates in his autobiography how he reduced his alcohol intake to two glasses of beer a week, but he also struggled with swallowing, being constantly tired, having trouble with most basic movements, like sweeping a cigarette lighter

The diagnosis came in October 2013, but the day before the follow-up consultation appeared on the Dutch television program From World Turning By (The World Goes On) to discuss the book.

& # 39; At the moment I have trouble talking & # 39 ;, he said on a terribly sad television set. & # 39; A month ago I went to the hospital They diagnosed me with MND

& # 39; More research is needed & # 39 ;, he says.

The requirement of Scottish doctors that it was not safe for him to make the trip home to Valencia hit Ricksen harder than anything. Friends say he has resisted for a while before he accepted that he would spend the rest of his life at St Andrew's Hospice in Airdrie.

& # 39; We try to live every minute & # 39 ;, says Veronika, who spends her time between Spain – where they want Isabella to be educated – and Scotland. & # 39; We have been together for 10 years and I know his illness every day. We can communicate with our eyes. We understand eachother. "

Ricksen is optimistic about what lies ahead, but not ready to let go of life." I am not afraid to die, "he says. & # 39; I've discussed euthanasia with my family, but I still enjoy being alive too much, I'm not ready yet, I can understand other people who feel different, but that's how I feel. too far in the future.

I had this week a tattoo of a lion in his neck inked

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