#2009in2018

[longeyelashedtragedy]

tumblr is dead but i’m still living

so i have admired many famous people in my time, but virtually none of them have felt like ‘role models,’ even if i have found them cool and interesting.  i wrote about this last year, i think--how i have very few of them and how cristina is one of the only people i would consider a ‘role model’ or actual inspiration.  honestly there’s only two famous figures i’d place in that role, and they’re both VERY similar people which is fully understandable to me but still fuckin hilarious.

i know we’re all like ‘protect our favs uwu’ but out of all the favs i’ve had cristina is the only one who i feel the strong urge to protect.  this is why i don’t talk about the bad things she has done or has probably done, even though a lot of them really clash with my personal code of ethics. i don’t want like, people who don’t understand her to see that shit, although you can certainly find it online (or talk to me about it--english language reporting on argentina is pretty dismal, especially british sources, because there’s a lot of resentment for cristina’s wild and provocative nationalism about the falklands/malvinas. unlike mauricio who couldn’t give 1 flying fuck about that conflict lmao).

i think the drive to Protecc is because cristina and i have the Same Disorder(TM) and i feel like in some way in 2009 i must have picked up on that even though i had neither received a diagnosis (2012) or learned about hers (2017). in that way i feel incredibly deep empathy and compassion for her. i understand her vulnerabilities profoundly; very often, they are the same as my own. i understand her obsessiveness, her dependence on certain things for stability.  i understand the origins of a lot of her weird and awkward behaviors. it’s her business to choose not to take meds, but i can feel the chaos that i know is in her head (it’s in all of our heads with The Disorder(TM)) and feel bad because i know what that’s like.  

i also recognize the things about it that make her so epic, and in some way it explains some of her bad decisions.  it doesn’t excuse them, but her untreated grandiosity and feelings of untouchability probably have contributed to leading her to possibly do criminal shit--she felt like she could, and she indeed could, because she’s smart as tits and charismatic too, and she also figured she’d never get caught or that if she got caught it’d all be ok*.

(*with the way the judicial system in argentina is AND her cult of personality status in the country, if they do find proof beyond a reasonable doubt of any of her crimes, they may not even want to put her in jail because she’d become this like completely epic martyr for the cause/victim of the evil capitalists type-figure, and that is the LAST thing the rest of the politicians in the country want. this lady’s entire existence is this force of control and chaos even when she’s not doing anything; it’s remarkable)


there are def other Favs of mine who i must admit i don’t like to see criticized. but still, seeing criticisms of them that i feel are unfair doesn’t cause me pain the way it does when i see criticisms of cristina that i feel are unfair.  or, in truth, any criticism.  i wanna shake clarín and be like just leave her alone! there’s screaming inside her head 24/7 and she’ll never recover the stability she lost when néstor died!  in this she is unique and always will be.  i see myself in virtually no one, but I do see myself in her.

if she does deserve to go to jail, then i guess i have to hope she goes, and may she figure out how to keep her hair dyed with her prison bitches’ blood. but it would be quite hard to process.

(PS. the best way to deal with feeling sad about unfair criticism is to really intensely mock it with your most trusted pals)


[longeyelashedtragedy]

Top five Christina moments

OMG there are so many...some off the top of my head are...

-when she was giving a talk about the import and export of rice and she announced to the whole room “I like rice, but it gets me a little constipated”

-when she yelled “DON’T FUCK WITH ME ANYMORE!” at a rally 

-when she spent a month in jail in the 70s and the other women who were in there with her were in there for like murdering her husbands and as she was in law school at the time she gave them legal advice

-in a senate session this summer she made fun of them implicating her in six different corruption cases and then yelled “I DON’T REGRET ANYTHING I’VE EVER DONE”

-this story about how she went to maximo’s school to yell at his gym teacher for failing him in PE

[longeyelashedtragedy]

sorry but the gendering of cristina’s behavior will never not be on my mind.  i feel like even when she’s not smashing through the barrier of how women are expected to behave, she is scraping up against it like a fish who clearly wants to get out of the tank.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

the literal best faceoff of all time

However, when Cristina stepped down, it demanded more of Macri than just having to choose new judges.  The last time they spoke on the phone, the president-elect was in the bathroom at the family country house, about to take a nap.  It was Saturday, December 5th, 2015.  When they finally hung up, his mood was so altered that he had to take half a Somit in order to sleep: Cristina had left him completely stressed out.

“I had to take a sleeping pill to sleep because that woman really messes with your head.  She just spins everything and argues and argues. She’s a psychopath,” he ranted.

Just a few days before the transfer of power, Cristina and Macri found themselves embroiled in an argument about how they would exchange the presidential stick and sash, the symbols of the presidency.  This game had two rounds. The first happened at [the presidential residence] Olivos on November 24th, 2015.  And just like every other time they had met in a professional capacity, he called her usted while she called him vos.

The first thing that drew Macri’s attention when he entered the office that’s now his were the dead plants all over the property.  Later on, he’d discover mold on the walls and pigeon excrement on the balconies.  This deterioration contrasted sharply with Cristina’s neat appearance.  She was waiting for him made up impeccably, as was her custom.  The businessman brought his long-time spokesman, Ivan Pavlovsky, to the meeting.

“The house is alright,” Cristina lied after greeting him.  “It’s not like my house down south, but it’s alright…”

“I wanted to see if we could coordinate the ceremony.  Right now, [political top Marcos] Peña is calling Aníbal Fernández, and we’re trying to talk to Kiciloff, and everyone else.  We have ten days to figure it all out.”

“We’re in charge of it until December 10th.  I’m governing until then, and then after that you’re in charge,” she ordered.

Macri insisted that it was necessary to work together to figure out how the ceremony was going to work.

“How does giving me the things work?  Are we going to do it right, or…?  Do you give them to me in the Salón Blanco?”

“No, no…in Congress.  I’ll give them to you and then I’ll go.”

“In Congress?  Doesn’t it seem like…” Macri hesitated.  “The Salón Blanco is better?”

“No, no, my darling, the Constitution says that it has to happen in Congress.”  Cristina was back to lying.

“But, President, let’s do it right, I feel like…”

This went back and forth for a few minutes until Cristina ended the conversation.  The whole thing lasted no more than ten minutes.  As they were leaving, Pavlovsky asked if they could borrow the residence’s press room, but Cristina refused.  So he and Macri wound up wrapping up the conversation in the street.

“That meeting was worthless,” the future president concluded.  A few hours later, Macri called up Rodríguez Simón.

“Hey, they told me the wrong thing.  The Constitution says that the ceremony takes place in Congress,” Macri said.

“The Constitution doesn’t say anything” the lawyer retorted.  “The ceremony is protocol that isn’t regulated and it’s just always done in the Casa Rosada.”

Rodríguez Simón explained to him that the tradition, inaugurated almost a century before by Hipólito Yrigoyen, says in essence that the departing president doesn’t have to do anything in the National Congress.  The legislative branch is in charge of the new Head of State’s swearing-in.

This fight played out in the front pages of the newspapers until an unexpected collaborator appeared: Aníbal Fernández.

“I like to collaborate,” he said to Macri.  “I like to help, but I just can’t anymore!  The lady won’t budge.  I’m begging you to talk to her…Please convince her.”

“Again?  But I already talked to her.”

Marcos Peña insisted as well, so Macri gave her another call on the Saturday before the ceremony.  He woke up early and dialed her number, but it went to voicemail.  She returned his call hours later, after lunch.  When his mobile phone rang, Macri was in the bathroom, getting ready to get into bed.  “Ju laughed because she heard me saying: ‘That’s not true, ma’am.  That’s not true, ma’am.’  My wife said, ‘You had to repeat it like 20 times.’  But she didn’t stop talking!”

“I know what’s going on.  You’re an engineer and you don’t understand the Constitution,” Cristina snapped.

“But I read the Constitution and it doesn’t say what you said it does.”

“It’s like me trying to talk to you about public works…”

“But remember, when we were talking about the floods?  You were arguing with me about the company we used to do the repairs,” he said.  “I said we should use Maldonado, and you said no, even though you had no idea what you were talking about.”

“Hmmm, I don’t remember.”

Macri sighed and made his final attempt.

“But, President, let’s try to understand…Whose is this celebration that’s happening on December 10th?  Yours, or mine?”

For the first time, Cristina paused.

“Yours,” she conceded.

“Mine…Okay.  So why not just let me do it how I want it to be done?  I’m going to do everything the right way.  You give me the things, I’ll go up the stairs with you, you leave, and I’ll arrange a lunch for my guests.  That’s what makes sense to me, if this is m—”

Cristina didn’t let him finish his sentence, exploding:

“Yes!  It’s your little party with your friends from Barrio Parque!  But you have no idea what you’re talking about!”  Her instability was back.

With the conversation suddenly at this intensity, he was nervous, but he spoke in the same tone.

“President, listen to me, I already told you…” he responded, almost yelling.

“You’re yelling at me!” she said, taking advantage of the situation.

“You’ve been talking for a half hour, and you haven’t listened to a single thing I said, so I don’t understand…”

“I can’t believe you’re disrespecting me like this!  That you’re abusing a woman like this!” Cristina scolded, and she hung up, leaving his mouth wide open.

Macri opened the bathroom door, soaked with sweat.

Juliana was waiting for him on the other side.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

last night cristina was the epitome of class and i cried 💚

[longeyelashedtragedy]

what's your favorite trashiest fact about the Argentinian disaster family

who’s the argentinian disaster family?  if you mean the kirchners?  well i mean there are so many but a favorite of mine from i think the early 2000s is when maximo was mad about something and he threw an ice cream cake at cristina and ruined her dress and she burst into tears and he and nestor laughed.  True Love

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Tell us a funny story about Argentina's politicians!

wow thank you!

ummmm there are more funny stories about argentinian politicians than there are stars in the sky, but one i just learned a couple weeks ago is that after cristina moved out of Olivos (the presidential residence in buenos aires’s suburbs), first couple of argentina(tm) mauricio and juliana would NOT move in until they had this like...new age chakra expert come and cleanse the house of its “bad energy.”

the worst energy was in the bedroom where cristina had slept, according to them.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

The Dick Energies of Argentinian Politics

[longeyelashedtragedy]

FUCK!  I just had a literal heart attack remembering how in September Cristina proudly mentioned that she hasn’t touched a single thing of Nestor’s in the patagonia house since he died, so everything that was his was exactly as it is in October 2010, and so I’m certain that while they were raiding the house over the weekend, they messed it all up.  Fuck.........

That house was her “place in the world” as she called it, it was where she felt most at peace, and where so much of Nestor’s presence was...Fuck, go away, leave her the fuck alone.  I care too much

[longeyelashedtragedy]

imagine if the first thing you hear from me one morning is “Spank me with dat fiscal conservatism” like honestly why did the lord put me on this earth, hONESTLY

[longeyelashedtragedy]

jaykulina replied to your post “２ｋ１８　ｍｏｏｄｂｏａｒｄ　でホの”

the person with the phone cam in the cristina pic tho lmao

this person is ME.  this is one of the (or possibly the?) only known instances of cristina eating in public and i mean look at her go with that empanada i’m so proud

[longeyelashedtragedy]

last night i was like But Wait---photos of cristina accompanied by lyrics from each Fame Monster song.  then i was like Bad Idea except that is truly the most authentic #2009in2018 aesthetic

[longeyelashedtragedy]

idk if this applies to other Ethnic Moms(TM) but a characteristic of a jewish mom is that she fucking roasts the SHIT out of something about you while on the phone with her friends/your relatives and with you in the room, but it’s like, somehow not done out of any malice

anyway as y’all know my host-mom in argentina, Silvia, was an argentinian jew and literally no one but me in my program could have withstood this combination and come out alive.  she was like my mom but 1000000x more dramatic and a chain smoker, also she had 3 sons and she told me weekly that i was “the daughter she never had” (what else would a jewish mom do other than assign you a role that will make you feel guilty and always be impossible to fulfill?) so like, instantaneously we were all too familiar with each other lmao 

anyway the point of it all is that apparently this particular jewish mom thing is universal because whenever i was home she was constantly on the phone with people talking about me, and one of her favorite topics was “AHAHA MY AMERICAN ACTUALLY LIKES CRISTINA!!!  LMAOOOO!  I LEAVE THE WEEKEND NEWSPAPERS AT HER PLACE AT THE TABLE BEFORE SHE WAKES UP SO SHE CAN READ ABOUT CRISTINA!!!  HAHAHAHAH LMAO” and i would just have to sit there and take it because that’s the way u gotta do it

in that way she made my own mom, who just sent me a few WSJ articles about how cristina was bad for the economy, look like a total jewish mom amateur

[longeyelashedtragedy]

🌸🌸🌸 #lapresidenta

[longeyelashedtragedy]

OMF I’M REWATCHING THE AMAZING INTERVIEW FROM SEPTEMBER AGAIN AND I NEVER NOTICED THIS BEFORE BUT WHEN CHICHE ASKS CRISTINA IF SHE EVER FANTASIZES ABOUT DUDES AND SHE SAYS “LMAO NO YOU KNOW I ALWAYS FOLLOW MY NEURONS AND NOT MY HORMONES,” SHE POINTS TO HER CROTCH WHEN SHE SAYS HORMONES I’M YELLIN

[longeyelashedtragedy]

The morning of July 17th, 2008 was terrible.  It was the day of the vote that wasn’t positive.  We were all in Olivos, watching the debates on TV.  Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore and I said, “I’m going to bed, I already know how Cobos is going to vote.”  I was sure that he was going to vote against us.  Women have this kind of intuition, I think it’s in our genetics, it helps us detect betrayals.  Néstor said no, he was ultimately going to vote with us because he was a part of our government.  I went upstairs and everyone else stayed awake, watching the debates.  I went to sleep and I woke up at around 5 in the morning, I wake up, I feel next to me, the bed was empty.  Where is that guy, I asked myself.  You can imagine, I ran downstairs, still in my pajamas, and there I saw him, lying all crumpled on a couch.  Some things are unforgivable, not from a personal perspective but from a historical perspective. I grabbed his arm and I said, “Come to bed now, do you hear me?  Now.” He was lost.  The others saw my face and said, “Yes, yes, let’s all go to bed.” I brought him to our bed.  He felt like he’d failed me.  Before he fell asleep he said something to me that I’ll never forget. He said, “I feel like I won’t be able to protect you anymore.”  Because what he did for me my whole life was protect me like he was an army.  Sometimes it made me angry, because he treated me like I was made of crystal. But whatever, that’s how couples are.