#53 aint alot but it means sm

[stxrmylxve]

a good life lesson you might need to hear.

it’s not too terribly bad ig, just my childhood in a nutshell and what i’ve learned lol

As a child growing up, i hated to look in the mirror. it wasnt because i didn’t like myself, hated myself, etc, it was that i looked at myself and saw my parents in me. however, i didn’t hate my parents. we were quite a happy family and i must admit, dispite a lot of discipline, i was spoiled af.

My parents wanted me to walk a tight line. they oftentimes viewed others as dumb and believed i could be much better. i would brag to them about my grades and i would get a good job, but good grades were expected of me. it blew my ego off and i turned.. sad in a way. it still pains me to look back at how i used to be, even still recently in the past year i could say i was this way.

i remember going into middle school; phones were pretty vague in my house, but i would still talk to my friend ever once in a while. she was at school and i was out for the whole year of 6th grade and it severed our bond a good bit. i was her only friend through elementary, but being alone in middle school made her migrate to new friends, bad friends. she would always talk about how she was so excited to see me when i got back, and when i did, she didn’t even bat an eye at me. she stayed with her friends and left me alone to find my way through school myself. she promised to help me, give me tips, help me meet new friends and who to stay away from, and she didnt, she abandoned me.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that relationships dont last. it might sound as what the current generation would call ‘cringe’ or ‘depressing’, but we all know it’s true in its own way to each of us.

Once i realized this, i began relying on myself and myself only. i kept things from others, not because they were necessarily bad, but because i was scared. scared to open up. scared to be myself. I shouldn’t have been, but i was. i shaped myself into someone else to have friends and to please them.

when i joined online in the recent years, it was certainly interesting to learn about. i learned that it is actually okay to be yourself. if someone doesn’t like it, they can be blocked or can block you, or maybe even people will stick up for you. you can be your own self online, and i think that is so cool.

I guess after all of this rambling, it’s a long way to say thank you for the 53 followers i have right now. it’s not a heafty number like many others have, but i do hope to continue to grow as i show others that its okay to have weird thoughts, to share them, to have kinks others dont have, or have that one cool skill no one knows about except your pets. i hope i have at least created a safe space for my small community and i just want yall to know i am here for you because i’ve learned a thing or two by now.

hell, i dont even care if you go anonymously and want to talk through my inbox or if you want to venture into my dms for quicker answers, im here. even if you send me something quick, a meme, any message truly puts a smile on my face.

it shows people know me. they know i exist.