#like you guys cant even fathom how much

[stxrmylxve]

a good life lesson you might need to hear.

it’s not too terribly bad ig, just my childhood in a nutshell and what i’ve learned lol

As a child growing up, i hated to look in the mirror. it wasnt because i didn’t like myself, hated myself, etc, it was that i looked at myself and saw my parents in me. however, i didn’t hate my parents. we were quite a happy family and i must admit, dispite a lot of discipline, i was spoiled af.

My parents wanted me to walk a tight line. they oftentimes viewed others as dumb and believed i could be much better. i would brag to them about my grades and i would get a good job, but good grades were expected of me. it blew my ego off and i turned.. sad in a way. it still pains me to look back at how i used to be, even still recently in the past year i could say i was this way.

i remember going into middle school; phones were pretty vague in my house, but i would still talk to my friend ever once in a while. she was at school and i was out for the whole year of 6th grade and it severed our bond a good bit. i was her only friend through elementary, but being alone in middle school made her migrate to new friends, bad friends. she would always talk about how she was so excited to see me when i got back, and when i did, she didn’t even bat an eye at me. she stayed with her friends and left me alone to find my way through school myself. she promised to help me, give me tips, help me meet new friends and who to stay away from, and she didnt, she abandoned me.

I guess what i’m trying to say is that relationships dont last. it might sound as what the current generation would call ‘cringe’ or ‘depressing’, but we all know it’s true in its own way to each of us.

Once i realized this, i began relying on myself and myself only. i kept things from others, not because they were necessarily bad, but because i was scared. scared to open up. scared to be myself. I shouldn’t have been, but i was. i shaped myself into someone else to have friends and to please them.

when i joined online in the recent years, it was certainly interesting to learn about. i learned that it is actually okay to be yourself. if someone doesn’t like it, they can be blocked or can block you, or maybe even people will stick up for you. you can be your own self online, and i think that is so cool.

I guess after all of this rambling, it’s a long way to say thank you for the 53 followers i have right now. it’s not a heafty number like many others have, but i do hope to continue to grow as i show others that its okay to have weird thoughts, to share them, to have kinks others dont have, or have that one cool skill no one knows about except your pets. i hope i have at least created a safe space for my small community and i just want yall to know i am here for you because i’ve learned a thing or two by now.

hell, i dont even care if you go anonymously and want to talk through my inbox or if you want to venture into my dms for quicker answers, im here. even if you send me something quick, a meme, any message truly puts a smile on my face.

it shows people know me. they know i exist.

[todayisafridaynight]

Is that character gay? *points at Mine*

Allegedly.

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

thinking abt the fact im in this mutual circle of like. so many people idek the number. but it has to be around a hundred at least like even if im not personally mutuals with them its crazy like a big friend circle irl would be about ten people or so because thats who you can find but i have people i love and who love each other literally across the whole world. it makes me a bit emotional to think about honestly

[infizero]

this image haunted my brain when i was trying to fall asleep last night so i had to make it

[crystalandrose]

Bill breaks out of theraprism and unleashes all the alt. reality pines kids that are desperate to replace the once that lived, but Also this includes Evil!Ford, which- excited to see bill is alive in this reality when bill died in his- makes a deal with bill and now its possessed evil ford vs canon ford and both think the other is an idiot that threw away their chance at true happiness/fulfillment.

(More ideas on this below)

Evil Ford thinks that Canon Ford is stupid because he 1) spent so much time in the portal and wasted most of his time (if he was gonna go against bill, why also push everyone else away, all his other relationships were worsened cause of bill so why go against him if hes already suffering consequences) 2) threw away a chance to be happy AND be recognized for his talents/heroism/etc.

Canon Ford thinks Evil Ford is stupid because 1) cannot fathom a world where he is happy with what Bill's plan was 2) Doesn't think Bill genuinely cares about him, is just using him.

"Can't you tell, you're being used!"

"What's so wrong with feeling- no- BEING useful?" *continues fighting*

An issue is that 1) people cant tell the two apart enough visually when not possessed and 2) mabel/dipper/others feel bad about beating up a guy that looks just like their uncle. Stan, not so much.

I also thought itd be interesting if Bill and Evil Ford are so in-sync that their voices both speak at times when Bill is possessing him (similar to how certain fusions in SU overlay voices, would also have similar lines like "It feels so great to be back!"). They may be evil- but they have a more stable relationship so maybe possession is more of an equal control deal.

Along with the regular journals, Evil!Ford has a golden journal with an eye on the cover that he always holds close. Its cursed so only Ford's eyes can read it (this includes canon ford!) and inside it has details about cipher, communications between the two, and more personal diary-type entries. While Evil Ford still had Bill in his mind (in his universe bill still "died" after/before/during weirdmaggedon) so they could communicate that way, Ford still let Bill take over while he slept sometimes (so that he could get more work done) and Bill would spend time looking at other realities (explaining his absences). So the book was a way to jot down communications without forgetting. So Canon ford gets his hands on it somehow (maybe they imprisoned evil ford in order to trap bill or something) and is reading trying to find a way to get leverage with Evil Ford but its like a teenage girls diary or like a note being passed in forth and its just a bunch of flirting 💀.

(An idea I had is Evil Ford put something in the book saying "to allow other eyes to see, recite this aloud" and ford- sleep deprived staying up trying to find answers in the book- gives in and recites it so others can help. But upon reading it a glitter explosion happens and the words "LOL YOU THOUGHT STEALING MY EYES WOULD WORK?" either pop up or are said. Evil ford in the cell laughs and said that was a trap for eye-thieves and he never even thought alternate fords eyes would be a problem.)

Last thing: Given that the canon universe is the only one where Dipper and Mabel survived maybe?, Evil Ford's Dipper and Mabel died while Ford was away. Evil Ford feels guilt, worrying if it was somehow his fault for not returning to GF sooner or prioritizing protecting his family (he believes/did make a deal with Bill that his family would be spared). So when he sees the Canon twins, he stumbles and stutters a bit in his resolve. He can't bring himself to go against them, only when he is possessed by Bill is his body able to not hold punches. (Maybe canon bill and evil ford's bill are a bit different, and during possession evil ford realizes this and is worried).

[komohine]

How are sheith shippers fetishizing gay men. Are you delusional? Misinformed? Lacking IQ?

Keith is not Asian btw, While we're at it, please prove to me all the damage sheith has done to the gay Asian male community.

Ok considering i have sheith shippers/defenders dni in my intro post and I really dont feel like wasting my time today ill try to keep it short and wont be responding to shit like this down the line. Next time save your breath though. Because idk if you knew this but dni stands for Do Not Interact. You are interacting. Stop that.

1) they’re brothers. Sure it’s revealed much later in the seasons, but the point is they have an incredibly strong familial relationship. If you started off shipping sheith when they weren’t explicitly defined as brothers, fine. But after their familial relationship is revealed the choice to continue shipping those two specifically comes off as strange as hell. Even stranger when you consider the multiple other available male characters that are not only more age appropriate but also dont have a familial relationship with them lmao. Also Shiro canonically gets married to a man. So the choice to continue shipping sheith has to go beyond just wanting to guys to kiss. The next common denominator? They’re both asian, so I must conclude that the need to ship them comes from that. The next next common denominator is that they’re related and some of you just have a thing for incest. But i still have faith in humanity so i wont accuse you of that even though i occasionally feel the urge to. I refuse to take “but but they have the most in show relationship development” as a reason because that just means you’re too fucking lazy to think of your own scenarios. Which is not true, because the amount of devious ass sheith shit I unfortunately stumble across means your collective neurons are actively firing away. Just for the wrong thing. You guys really saw the only real developed relationship (i use this word generally and not strictly romantically) between two guys in the show and decided that it must have romantic undertones. Beyond how its harmful to irl men and deters them from emotional maturity out of fear that any non toxic relationship between two men is automatically seen as romantic by some people, it’s just fundamentally mid yaoi because you guys cant fathom that 1) romance isn’t a core part of the show beyond allurance 2) that two guys can talk to eachother while smiling without wanting to fuck. Yall are in the same league as those guys who are addicted to step sister p0rn.

1.5) bcs i know someones gonna ask “why do you think sheith is incest”, its because shiro fulfills the kinship role of “sibling” for keith, or even “parent”. From here-on out simplified as “guardian”. Within anthropology there are numerous kinship systems which determine which family member is called what. Ex. In the hawaiian system, every male family member is called “father” and every female “mother”. No matter if they birthed you or not. In the linear (also known as esk/mo but that’s a word with heavy history) system, your parents are “mom/dad”, siblings are defined as “brother/sister”, and everyone else is “aunt/uncle” or “cousin”. This is the system commonly used in the west. Kinship systems define a lot of things, from inheritance to respect hierarchies. Another key thing they determine is incest taboo. The range of which this taboo applies differs depending on culture, which is why you’ll hear of two people, for example, cousins getting married. In the west that’s considered taboo, but it may not be in another culture. Kinship and its taboos also apply to non blood related relationships. Hence adoptive siblings, etc. And keith quite explicitly refers to shiro as his brother. Given the context of those scenes, it can be deduced that it’s not said in a way that is 1) casual, as the lingo would more likely be “sup bro” or the tone of voice would be significantly more casual, 2) indicative of anything other than a familial relationship, for if keith considered him a brother in arms he would’ve said something more along the lines up “on your feet, brother”. Keith saying “you’re like my brother” AND THEN DOUBLING DOWN TO “You’re my brother,” said in such a sincere tone of voice leaves little to be debated.

Tldr: Shiro fulfills a guardian kinship role for Keith and thus the incest taboo applies to him.

1.6) also like? It’d be weird either way. Going by their canon age diff (season 1, 25-18 = SEVEN YEARS), and considering shiro met keith in middle school, and going by the oldest middle school age (15) bcs im feeling generous, shiro wouldve still been 22. If they just met once and never again till seasom 1, fine. Ship sheith however you want. But the fact is they met and then they formed a bond when shiro was significantly older and in a position of power over keith. Shiro was a mentor and guardian to keith whether you like it or not, and he stayed that way from when keith was young and impressionable until he was an adult. Yk what thats called? Raising a child. Imagine shipping that. Crazy. Imagine a 9 year old being raised by a 17 year old babysitter bcs of his absent parents. Suddenly when the 9 year old turns 18 he starts dating his babysitter. Thats freaky as hell, and i only increased the age gap by 2 years. Literally nothing else changed.

2) now why would they include a non aapi character in the mash up? Also, his source character from the og voltron is named “Keith Akira Kogane”. What non asian person is named that?

3) also the fact you need me to show you damage.. same vibe as “wdym he’s stalking you he’s just being friendly!! Show me how his so called stalking has put your life in danger”. Like imagine needing actual damage before even considering something bad.

[pinkpinkmermayyy]

guys I need more people to ramble about and hyperfixate with over my atsv beauty and the beast au and my atsv enchanted au bc ITS TAKING ME OVERRRR

like beauty and the beast au but Jeff doesn’t get cursed by an enchantress because he’s an asshole (being honest he would not be that much of a dick) but AARON WANTS REVENGE AGAINST JEFF FOR CUTTING TIES WITH HIM AND USES HIS PROWLER ESQUE POWERS TO TURN HIM INTO A BEAST AND CURSE THE REST OF THE CASTLE. Or wait even better WHAT IF ITS A TASK ASSIGNED TO HIM BY KINGPIN AND HE RELUCTANTLY STILL DOES IT HOLY SHIT

and then there’s Rio being Belle and MIGUEL BEING GASTON HOLY SHIT HE’D BE SUCH A JERK and imagine like idk fucking Peter b as LeFou LMAO.

also omg imagine the rest of the spider society being the utensils or some shit OMGGGG like Jess being ms potts SKFHSKDHSKDHD

and also the scene where the beast transforms back into a human and belle has to take a second before she really recognizes him when looking at his eyes and they kiss but with Rio and Jeff 🥺🥺🥺 I can’t it’s so cute skfhskdhskdhd

also I feel like as a beast Jeff would kinda be more like a bear mixed with a wolf or something but it’s mostly bear qualities lolol

ok ok NOW ONTO ENCHANTED IM NOT FINISHED

IF YA’LL HAVE SEEN ENCHANTED YOU KNOW HOW THIS IS GONNA GO

So Rio is Giselle, and Jeff is Robert. That’s extremely expected. But here’s the interesting thing: GABRIEL (like Miguel’s younger brother) AS PRINCE EDWARD AND-

CONCHATA AS NARISSA

THE FUCKING POTENTIAL THIS HAS Y’ALL CANT FATHOM IT AKFHSKDHSKDHSJD

also like imagine that scene like after the “so close” scene (the most romantic scene in any movie ever btw) where Narissa shows up as a disguised old woman again and pursuades Giselle to eat the apple but with the characters we have in this au. Like thinking of Rio being extremely devastated that she can’t see Jeff ever again and that she actually wants to be a real woman in the real world. Her old fairytale life doesn’t feel right anymore, and she loves Jeff and she loves New York. And then Conchata comes here being like “you could forget everything that’s happened here, like it never happened” and manipulates her with the idea of being miserable while having to be with someone she doesn’t love forever. AND THEN THE SCENE WHERE ROBERT KISSES AND WAKES UP GISELLE AFTER EDWARD’S KISS DOESN’T WORK BUT WITH RIO AND JEFF OMGG!!!!

also Rio saving her man from dragon!conchata omg THIS IS MELTING MY BRAIN IN A GOOD WAY SKDHSJFHDJ

@t1r4misuu @deritosmi @ace-and-sleepdeprived @darksidescorner @fancylala4 @hoe-bie @kaidan-z @l0starl @punkeropercyjackson @the-cat-and-the-birdie @urmadiik @ohara-n-brown @tatumis-a

[lotus-pear]

My eyes weren't loading so for your most recent post I deadass thought you drew teen chuuya with his hair down 💀💀

again with the bsd/persona confusion. guys. my whole life doesn't revolve around bsd. (it does). it's not the only thing i draw. (it is). the bsd hyperfixation is temporary. (it is eternal).

anyway yea if you squint enough you can see it ig🤨 SCREAMING BC DO YOU KNOW HOW BADLY I WANT CHUUYAS HAIR COLOR TO BE LIKE AKECHIS. DO YOU? YOU CANT EVEN FATHOM HOW MUCH I SAW THAT MAN IN THIS GAYASS DETECTIVE. perhaps one day i'll get over the fact that harukawa could have made chuuya a brunette....but today is not that day

[kurogxrix]

Can I have Gwen Stacy's HC with a grumpy scientist male reader(gn! if you feel more comfortable) who is basically her "guy in the chair" who has to constantly help her, fix her web shooters and sometimes have to take care of her?

Gwen Stacy x Grumpy!GN!reader

Being Gwen’s ‘guy in the chair’ at first was…an experience. Truly, filled with more frustration and i’ll-feelings than you’d wish for.

Doesn’t help the fact that you’re as grumpy as a dark rainy day.

You guys hit many ups and downs, a while back you’d stopped talking to her because you just couldn’t fathom the many feelings that Gwen brought to you.

Either it was that you couldn’t understand your own feelings towards the blonde, or you just didn’t want to come in terms with them.

Things just got messier once Gwen’s visits started becoming more of ‘can you fix this for me.” rather than the usual and cheery “Lets share the shitty day that we had to each other while you fix this for me, please.”

Gwen got restless for some reason, and her visits to you got more curt.

You’re grumpy attitude just made it harder to communicate, and at some point, the friendship just completely fell apart.

It didn’t mean that she didn’t visit you anymore, you were there to “fix her shit” as you’d say. So you did just that.

After a while, the tension was just too thick and your bold tongue just got in the way. The night ended up with a teary Gwen that was just so full of pent up frustration and a grumpy you just trying to comfort her.

It made you feel special at first, even if your face didn’t necessarily show it. You knew that she was a very reserved girl, and her crying to you just screamed “she trusts me”

Eventually you both made up, and her teasing about you being Dracula rekindled, there was just something different added to the mix, you both just didn’t feel like moving past that platonic line yet.

Gwen’s very reckless, especially on days where she’s had an argument with her father of her band mates. On those days you often find yourself begrudgingly patching her up while she whines about how your tightening her bandage too much.

The way Gwen talks about how easy her fight was as you’re literally covering a bloody part of her body just never fails to make your eyes roll on their own accord.

At times she even mocks you by scoffing back at you, but once you threaten to stop helping her with her web shooters she’s quick to beg for forgiveness. In all playfulness.

She definitely celebrated that one time she got you to laugh, well in her head that’s what it was, you’d argue and say that it was a tiny slip-up of a chuckle.

You started stacking up with snacks for her a while after your relationship started and as much as she wanted to tease you about it, she knew now to cross the line a lil too far, so she just silently appreciated it.

ik this isn’t what you asked for bae but it’s 11pm and i just got literally assaulted by a beetle bro i cant do this no more😭

[cyberkitty1]

Hello! Can I ask for a Miles x Male reader? I request it to be like, something along the lines of the reader being depressed, everything goes wrong, and he finally returns home to miles after a long day and he begs him to make him a grilled cheese sandwich to make the day right again.

E!1610 Miles Morales x Male reader!

Everything was going wrong. At school you slipped and fell into a puddle drenching your uniform pants and crisp white shirt “ I ironed this for an hour to get the wrinkles out” you sighed to yourself. Picking yourself up you made your way to the nurse for a new change of clothes.

When it did come to an end you managed to get a ride on the bus and go home. Your day was just horrible you couldn't even fathom it. What did you do to deserve this?

Your eyes filled tears and you didn't even try to hold them back you just let them flow, wiping your tears away with your palms. “ What males me happy when im sad?” you thought over and over again till you remembered that Miles lived a short distance away so you called him, he picked up immediately “Hey principe, how was your day?”

You sniffle “ Horrible can you come over and make me a grilled cheese please? Its all I want right now”

His heart breaks hearing you like this.

“Of course Ill be over soon”

Exchanging goodbyes you then hang up and go take a shower and put on something more comfortable. Right as you were done he texts you saying hes here. You make your way downstairs unlocking the door.

He stands with a lopsided smile “Hey i brought everything I needed, whats wrong?” he walks in and you lock and shut the door “This day has just been horrible, all I want is a grilled cheese” you say frowning. He gives you one of his award wining hugs.

As hes making the grilled cheese you tell him about everything all he does is listen, thats what you love about him; he just lets you talk about what your going through. He looks at your face and doesn't interject hes just silent.

“ Here you go, Im glad you called and Im sorry you had such a bad day” he says kissing your cheek “ Its ok, you're here now” you say smiling at him “yea”.

With that you eat the grilled cheese feeding him some pieces as well. When its finished you start “ Thank you for coming, it means a lot” you say holding his hand. In turn he looks into your eyes with so much love you cant even explain it “ I would travel across the world to make you happy… and make you grilled cheese sandwiches.”

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taglist: @rosesndan @shoyofroyoyoyo @p3rf3ct4ng3l @nagi3seastorm @iheartmorales @itsnanabanana @kxllanxtdoor @royalty-cashinout @hana-1235 @lanasfloridakiloss @dommie14 @kezibear @urmotherswhor3 @seventeen-enthusiast @mainvamp @earth2auka

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I hope I have made this to your satisfaction!!

I wanted to let you all know that In doing a different approach on my taglist so please fill

THIS OUT!

(I know i didnt add a spot for non binary but I really dont use specific pronouns most of the time so choose FEMALE in that case!)

I find that some of you may identify not as what i’m writing and I don’t want you guys to be like misled yk? so please do it thank you!!

[familyagrestefanblog]

About recent takes of Félix’ father vs Gabriel, Félix’ guilt in “Emotion” & How the amok- child abuse of Adrien works (part 0.1 lol)

Just to make this clear right from the get-go (although is sad that such disclaimers need to be made again): No, this is not written as a Félix Defense Post, this is me writing out my analysis’ and other thoughts regarding way too much out-of-context stuff from “Emotion” and the one big confirmation of Félix’ indeed BEING an abuse victim from leaks which I will only incorrperate as vague concept since tbh I dont remember details and I’m not seeking it out for this.

Aright? Let’s go!

Where is all this stuff about Félix’ father coming from? Are those from even more leaks? From what I have seen in leaks of Félix saying something about the parenting he received I too got my confirmation that Félix’ father was abusive, but where is this coming from that Colt Fathom was alot WORSE than Gabriel?

In my opinion, that directly contradicts Félix’ attitude in “Emotion”. Who knows what exactly happened before that episode, though at the very least Félix most likely knows now that Adrien is Chat Noir and thats what made such a massive difference in him:

Also there was this out-of-nowhere second carmoflaged Black Cat-like ring Félix used as amok object that looked exactly like Adrien’s, although we see later that Adrien is still wearing his? That element of the episode was ridiculously out of context, but Félix’ knowing now that Adrien is Chat Noir makes its existence and the episode overall make alot more sense in my opinion.

Its basically the only way I can properly explain anything Félix-related that happened in “Emotion”, down to his behavior when he mentioned Chat Noir towards Ladybug:

Or the way Argos straight up refused to try and take Ladybug’s Miraculous away from her by his own force. He only asked/ threatened her to surrender her earrings to him but he never went further than that. In fact, her calmly stating that she would never give him her Miraculous was what set Félix over the edge in frustration, because he knew thats IT now. Taking it from her forcefully would mean she would speak up against him when he brings Adrien back (to get the Black Cat miraculous and because Félix WANTS him by his side on good terms), but he cant snap the girl behind the mask away either or else Adrien would see him as nothing but a villain if Félix only has her earrings but SHE is gone.

If Ladybug doesnt surrender her Miraculous and remains there to ensure with her words that Adrien too should give Félix his miraculous, where at that point Félix has the chance of explaining his plan to his cousin that noone is gone for real and he just wants to create a better world for them- which in Félix’ mind lead to a scenario in which he’s not the bad guy. Look, the boy knows he, Adrien and Kagami belong to a race of enslaved magical beings and are at the mercy of tyrannical abusers (Dude, what a sentence!). I’m not expecting rationality from Félix Fathom at this point. He was still 100% the bad guy in this, but I get it.

Also Fuck u Gloob, how dare YOU leave me without actual context for this shit?? xD)

But even without that... explanation-theory of mine, in episode 18 all I can see is Félix acting on SO MUCH god damn guilt towards Adrien and trying to free him from Gabriel. He literally states he tried to succeed in this episode for ADRIEN:

Then regarding Colt Fathom’s parenting again: when Félix confronts Gabriel about how Gabriel uses them, his family, he does not treat his uncle as a lesser monster than the one Félix (may have? Idk?) known as a father:

Félix went to the upmost extreme methods to get rid of Gabriel in this episode. He sees his uncle as nothing short of a tyrannical monster that needs to get taken out with a literal SNAP so Gabriel has no opportunity to stop him and be remade with a reality changing wish.

But most importantly, when Félix called Gabriel out he named ADRIEN first:

This was NOT Félix only doing it for himself and those are also not the actions and words of a person who views Gabriel as LESS of a dangerous tyrant bc of his own father. No matter how bad Colt Fathom was, Félix is not underestimating his uncle as the madman that he is. At least not ANYMORE!

Not in a single second of “Emotion” do I get the impression that Félix has NOT finally understood in what horrible position Adrien is caught in in Gabriel’s grasp (more on this regard for the Diamond Ball in an upcoming post I’ll link HERE). Which, yes, Félix too partly caused through the s4 finale. This is most likely why he goes to such insane lenghts to try to save Adrien.

Félix feels fucking GUILTY now in hindsight for having sold the one amok ring of his cousin he already had safe and sound in his possession back to Gabriel, along with 15 more miraculous’ to make him even MORE dangerous:

Which btw, GOOD!!! He should!

Anyway. While I dont understand where these takes about how much worse Colt Fathom was to Félix than Gabriel to Adrien come from, that claim does seems to be very accurate though to Félix’ point of view of Adrien’s abuse BEFORE season 5. Hence why he was being so god damn awful to his cousin and SOLD HIM TO HIS ABUSER!

The way I see it right now, Colt Fathom was abusive on Gabriel Agreste’s level but he did it in ways more open and “obvious”.

Gabriel is an extremely abusive father, but the worst thing about him has always been that he abuses Adrien in a way for which people cannot easily get him for it. Sure, there has always been ALOT to worry about under the circumstances after Emilie “died” but Gabriel Agreste has always made sure whatever he does to his son he remains untouchable enough from a normal legal perspective.

I’m not sure if child protection services could ever have actually helped Adrien even if they tried, because while Gabriel has been stretching all lines of possible slack problematic parents are being given - because the child cant nor SHOULD immediately be taken away from their parent if not truly necessary - Gabriel has never made.. that ONE slip-up too much and too out-of-line that could set Adrien free from him.

And in my opinion, thats what the show is going for because thats what Félix realized at some point prior to episode 18 about Gabriel’s treatment of Adrien and Adrien’s own behavior towards his father, for which Félix gave him massive shit for just last season:

Félix made a full-blown 180 regarding Adrien, thats the only way I can explain it.

Its GUILT. Guilt and the desperate attempt to save his cousin from the horrible consequences Félix had a HUGE part in unleashing and to be able to somehow manage to somewhat save the strong and basically brother-like bond he and Adrien once had as cousins.

And I dont care what anyone says, its by far the one bond Adrien has with anyone besides Plagg in which he’s literally 100% his authentic self and not any degree of Adrien Agreste™ or Chat Noir™. Seriously, if you wanna see Adrien behaving like nothing but a normal boy, watch him interact with his cousin who’s basically his BROTHER.

And it doesnt even matter how much of a damn dick Félix became, in any interaction these two had in the show you could easily SEE how close these two were/are from Adrien’s behavior. Which btw, makes Félix actions before s5 alot worse, but thats the point. This is WHY he goes as far as he does in “Emotion”. Because they once HAD such an incredibly close bond as Adrien’s “naively trusting” behavior towards him always claimed.

The bond which FÉLIX comitted to burn into the ground in s3-s4:

Guilt I can only explain in the same only way I can possibly explain Félix throwing Adrien under the bus as awfully as he did til s5, and in particular the s4 finale:

I can only explain it if Félix all his life had received the other - but in this case pretty much equal - side of the spectrum of abusive parenthood and Adrien’s abuse simply looked so different and way more ”subtle” and “acceptable by society’s standarts” from what Félix’ knew as highly abusive (when he finally gained freedom through getting his ring, probably at his father’s funeral hence why Adrien wasnt allowed to be there. It’s where Félix has told he’s a Sentihuman) that he didnt recognize it as such and therefore ended up hardcore victim-blaming his cousin because he has it “so much better” under Gabriel’s fist but “still cant take initiative like Félix does”.

Félix at the end of “Strike Back” in my opinion truly thought that even though his uncle is a delusional, tyrannical man, Adrien would be the ONLY person safe ENOUGH with him and from him (I know this sounds like a hypocritical cop-out, but Félix is literally in the ONE family position as Adrien’s close and only cousin, who’s also the only other child in their families but always also lived far away enough to not be around to wittness most of Adrien’s and Gabriel’s father-son dynamic behind closed doors [especially in the last, and most crucial year], that I simply have to say that.. this is so god. damn. realistic. This is a way too realistic variation of how the once close children in abusive families end up as bitter rivals throwing each other under the bus within their own absive family system.)

Félix thought that Adrien is as per usual the ONE exception for Gabriel in EVERYTHING, so giving Papa Agreste the control object and 15 more miraculous’ he can fry his brain away with simply... wouldnt have meant endangering Adrien’s entire life in Félix’ eyes.

Which WE know is the WRONG damn reading of the situation!

But for Félix Adrien was his uncle’s one weakness “out of fatherly love” Félix most likely never knew himself, because Gabriel put/s ALOT of effort into keeping his son in the dark (”overprotectiveness”) which lead Félix to even blantantly using Adrien against GABRIEL bc he knew that threatening to tell Adrien would be the most effective way to make his uncle instantly stop denying that he’s Shadowmoth:

(Also, notice how in the upper picture when Gabriel is denying that he’s Shadowmoth, Flairmidable is shot from the ONE - the ONE - possible angle from where his character model looks similar to Chat Noir.

With whatever tons of context we are apparently missing from prior to “Emotion” regarding this entire Agreste, Graham de Vanily/ Fathom and Tsurugi mess, this visual forshadowing in “Strike Back” is in SOME WAY apparently about to become relevant now. Most likely through Nathalie but eyyyyyy, its not like we have any kind of DAMN context! <3 :D)

I already long assumed Félix’ awful but NEW behavior towards Adrien since his father’s funeral to be the result of Félix despising Adrien bc Gabriel burdened his nephew with the knowledge of being Sentihuman in the worst way and at the worst time possible while “overprotecting” Adrien. But now with “Emotion” it seemed I read it mostly right.

The way I see it, Félix did the one thing unnervingly not even uncommon in abusive families: He couldnt recognize his cousin’s extreme abuse because he was too blinded by his own that looked different, while simultaneously comparing Gabriel’s life-long treatment of him and Adrien.

And since Gabriel has probably always treated him unfairly and “worse” than Adrien in Félix’ eyes (which was probably primarily more arrogant indifference from Gabriel’s side while treating Adrien as a golden boy) Félix then most likely thought that HE was the one truly in danger of Gabriel because he isnt Adrien, when Gabriel in actuality probably wouldnt have paid his nephew alot of mind at all and would have had included him automatically in the new reality for Adrien’s sake if - ironically - Félix’ hadnt involved himself and made himself a thorn in Gabriel’s side by now out of (UNDERSTANDABLE) fear and paranoia.

So yeah, still: Fuck Gabriel.

But back to Félix’ possible abuse from his father and how that blinded him to Adrien’s:

(No, I’m not forgetting Amelie and EMILIE, this is just getting WAY too much for this one post. The three mother figures of this family (Emilie, Amelie and Nathalie) are the crucial puzzle pieces in the Agreste’s & Graham de Vanily’s narrative. I’m gonna tackle that in posts dedicated to them specifically)

If Félix for example was more physically abused with open disdain from Colt Fathom than emotionally manipulated, used and gaslit out of “love”, then he would have a hard time at first (especially if he’s UNWILLING to see it) to understand or even just recognize to certain degree all the red flags of that what Gabriel is doing to Adrien resultes/d in emotional scars so bad that Adrien was/is pretty much suicidal at times and spend most of the show stuck in his mental and emotional escapism as Chat Noir (Still, I’m also pretty sure Félix SHOULD have been the ONE person who SHOULD have recognized the resemblance between Adrien Agreste and Chat Noir, the same way Félix was able to recognize Gabriel as Shadowmoth. But ironically, for that he was too blinded by his victim-blaming of Shadowmoths SON)

And if Félix only has ONE amok object and that means whoever wore it (his father) has 100% control over him, then he could (have) significantly underestimate(d) how BAD the emotional toll on Adrien would have been all his life when he always had TWO objects and that - I must assume - resulted in two 50/50 control holds over him:

(Disclaimer at this point: The show is very consistently exploring 3 unique ways for Adrien, Félix and Kagami in how the same peacock amok control resulted in very individual abuse situations for each of them. The amok abuse is not inconsistend or poorly explained, it was never meant to be a 1 for 3 explaination the same way you cant generalize ONE case of parental abuse for ALL existing abused kids. The show is treating this as legit child abuse the way it should. And yes, I will elaborate on all of that in ALOT more detail in future.)

Meaning only Adrien’s action and emotional compliance can be controlled but not his emotions themselves, which I see no reason to not be the default for Sentihuman who only have one object. Meaning for example, that if Colt Fathom didnt wanted Félix to care about any kind of bond with another person his age but his cousin, then Félix simply would have never felt the desire to have friends and therefore also never learnt how to handle the emotional pain of not getting to have them as Adrien was “allowed to”. Adrien didnt get to have friends either, but I suppose unless you wear BOTH his rings no order about forbidding him to have friends would have stopped him from still feeling the longing to have them anyway.

So Adrien’s sounds “better enough” on surface level - which is all Félix would have seen - but its actually massively fucked up bc the clash between Adrien’s natural emotions and the actions his body and mind are forced to obey would quickly beat a young childs mind into misery and helpless fawning on their own expense just to mentally survive that constant invasion of their mind by TWO sources they cant explain to themselves.

Adrien may have been “allowed” to still have emotions but his living conditions would have quickly turned that into emotional agony because Adrien would still be forced to burry everything deep inside that clashes with his parents orders, or whenever he thinks that his behavior or voiced desires would lead to him being shut down again. Its a malicious circle that pretty much accurately represents the normal cycle of emotional oppression within “regular” emotional child abuse.

Not that being 100% controlled physically and emotionally bc of having just ONE amok is in any way “better” (Holy shit, nah!, and I’ll get to Félix’ and Kagami’s abuse in their own posts), but I cant imagine having TWO the way Adrien does as anything short of mental and emotional oppression & exhaution at best - since Adrien ever since infanthood would always have to FEEL the pain of his orders directly going against something that would make him happy/ one of his basic needs and yet he has to submit to it anyway - or basically torment at worst.

Cause can you imagine if Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s contradicting orders in “Protection” would CLASH in the same moment?? GOSH!!!

This pretty much emotionally ripped Adrien back and forth between the two wearers of his amok rings the ENTIRE TIME ever since BIRTH, which would perfectly explain why Adrien is so emotionally repressed, resilient to impossible levels and instandly tends/tended to remain in denial and fawn or submit as copying mechanism. That would have been the only way he could have mentally survived TWO PEOPLE controlling him at once against his own emotions ever since he was a BABY.

I’d say its a reality check on THIS caliber that made Félix pull a 180 regarding his attitude towards Adrien - again, most likely through Nathalie (who I think would be the most logical person for Adrien now to choose to tell his secret Identity to if he needs help in managing to keep his secret save from his father) and SHE would get Félix involved because he’s aware of Gabriel, has the peacock miraculous and KNOWS what pain Sentihumans go through. But honestly, anything in this direction is guessing into pitch darkness lol.

I have so, SO much more to say on how the control of Sentihumans works but especially Adrien’s unique case of him having TWO objects. I’ve been analysing the Agreste houshold in this regard since around the beginning of s4, but that definitely deserves its own massive post(s) the same way Kagami’s abuse via amok ring (which she got to wear ever since AFTER her debut episode “Riposte”) deserves it own post seperated from Félix’ and this one here.

This is getting SO interesting, I’m LIVING for this scale of fucked up story telling! I just wished we would get it in the right chronological order so I can look at it with all the NEEDED context, Gloob, come ON!

[fatuismooches]

Fontaine Archon Quest Act 1 + 2 Spoilers beneath the cut!!! 👾 anon and 🎺 anon i responded to you here :) (Also lots of talking about Arlie because I LOVE HER)

I've also gone through Lyney and Lynette's character stories/voice lines regarding Arlecchino (and a rough translation of Freminet's) and I completely agree! To be completely honest she seems more nicer than I thought she'd be. Of course, she's still strict and evil but she still has standards and seems to care for the siblings to some extent. One of the lines I found most interesting was "Perhaps the most amazing aspect of Lyney's Founding Day magic show was its ability to have even "Father" lay down her heavy burden and enjoy a brief moment of familial love." I didn't expect her to have such a close connection with the siblings. Plus, when she denied giving Lyney a Delusion and also allowed Lynette to keep a box of cats? Loved that. She can be cruel and mean but she does have some sort of heart left. Not to mention Arlie's confirmed to be from Fontaine. I hope we learn her real name soon! Totally with you there with her being soft only for reader ❤️ She has the ability to be kind but expresses it in perhaps an unconventional way. Even when she's being soft she doesn't know exactly how to act. Really looking forward to her in-game appearance!!

HELP I WAS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE😭😭 Saved for months with absolutely no regrets. Currently saving for Arlie as well! I wish you luck on your primogem saving ❤️❤️

FR I LOVE THE SIBLINGS SOOO MUCH 😭💖💖 (Freminet was robbed of screentime though) AND YES ARLECCHINO I LOVE HER 😭 Ugh I can totally imagine that <3 Arlie shows her kindness in a stern and strict way but you're the complete opposite. You can't fathom being cold to these little cuties! You're the affectionate one and while Arlie does scold you a bit about spoiling them too much she can't get too mad because at least you can handle all the mushy stuff which she cannot do very well. I'm now brainrotting about the kids seeing you and Arlie argue and becoming scared for your relationship and trying to get the two of you to reconcile 😭 I'm literally bouncing in excitement for 4.1 i want to see her so bad!!

Moving on to me just talking about the quests. Did anyone else feel a bit upset at Traveler for how they treated Lyney and Lynette at the end?? I did considering everything the twins went through. I understand the Traveler not trusting the Fatui but they were literally holding onto Childe's Vision in that moment?😭 Besides that little piece, these two Archon quests were really solid and lots of fun. Was also surprised how many serious topics were put into it too. Usually they leave the dark stuff for side/world quests.

Navia. Definitely an amazing character i loved her in the quests. Really beautiful, great personality, and i love her two bodyguards. Her voice while yelling at Neuvillette was really raw 🥺 Also loving Furina a lot. I didn't expect her to be insecure of herself. Seems like her confidence is just a facade for her people's sake. Y'all already know how I feel about Neuvillette haha i didn't expect him to be so emotional but I'm loving him so much! (I love everyone lemme just stop repeating myself 😭)

But damn being dissolved into water is so grim 😭 Imagine just being Fontanian and all of a sudden you learn you could simply dissolve and no one would ever know. I'd literally be so scared that i could die at any time 😭

EDIT: I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT CHILDE IM SO DONE. IM SO SORRY CHILDE LOVERS I GOT TOO SWEPT BY ARLIE. Anyway. Childe was so freaking cute. He is the kind of guy who would tell you every little detail no matter how minuscule it is about his siblings. Teucer told him about something that happened to him? Okay now you're getting the same story but more drawn about and longer because Childe can't help babbling about his family.

I know people are clowning on Childe for getting beat by Neuvillette but give my man some credit 😭 He managed to scratch A DRAGON THATS IMPRESSIVE OKAY.

[carmenized-onions]

HEY LOVELY!!!

Been a while since ive done one of these. Im re-reading AGAIN and forever will be. im obsessed, truly.

Through re-reading this hit SO hard.

“The other shoe still hangs in the air; but not in your bed.”

LIKE WHAT? HELLO? KILL ME? Your writing is phenomenal. i cannot fathom how you do this EVERY CHAPTER.

Anyway, im so exited to read every chapter to come. Am i in love with Tony? maybe a little (a lot). I was also wondering if you have anything planned for after you finish Chicago's finest? Another The Bear book? or maybe something else entirely? Not to rush you or anything, obviously. Im just so incredibly nosy. My deep apologies.

Just to tell you for the millionth time, im in love with you, youre writing, Tony, how you write the characters, EVERYTHING. gives me life.

me when i hear anyone coming even CLOSE to me while im reading Chicago's finest.

me planning a characters slow and painful demise when they upset Tony. (love you Carmy. not really. no, joking i do. maybe not. NO I DO I SWEAR.)

me trying to act casual when i see you've posted.

ALSO

me trying to act casual when Tony and Syd are interacting. (Dont worry, babe! by Chappell Roan? Who said that...?)

ANYWAY (for the second time) very sorry that this is just me rambling about stuff you dont want to hear.

Hope you're having an amazing day/night, lovely!!

I've stuck you in perpetual re-reading hell have I? My deepest apologies. Esp since I've been chronically re-reading in my brief basically hiatus as i write, I USE SO MANY COMMAS GUYS??? WHY WERE YOU LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH THAT??

the revisions once the series is finished is gonna go CRAZY.

Anyways, SUCH A DELIGHT to hear what silly prose of mine sticks out to you!! thank god you think i do it every chapter!! i am constantly doubting each chapter (man why do you think 15 has been so delayed? LMAO)

I adored using the other shoe as a through line throughout the Troubled Angst arc, one because it's very canon, but also because its very much a thing for me, like, when a good thing happens, cannot HELP but wonder how it's going to get fucked in the end.

which, after telling my doctor that, got reccomended the same books i reccomended carmen LMAO. love you son <3

THANK YOU FOR LOVING TONY!!! I love her dearly, I put so much of myself in her and also so much of what I see and love about my darling friends; my sweet darling dashing hero complex burden carrying the guy overconfident yet under confident tony. My sweet babe. the people love you!!

As for when I finish Chicago's Kindest (PUNCH BUGGY ACAB!! FUCK THE FINEST!!), I'll probably certainly absolutely take a break from writing for The Bear for a bit (though I'll definitely be around to answer asks!! duh!!). But once I return, I am hoping to...

If you send in little blurb requests for Chicago's Kindest, I'll do em!! I know esp with like Mikey/Chip there's a lot of bits that have been spoken about but never actually written out and lived. So like. If you got requests, send em in, I might write em.

I promised a SquidInk spinoff and bitch you're getting one!! There's two different ideas I've got twirling around for them at the moment, they might combine into one one off, or two separate things, who's to say!

More and More I cannot see RiChip as anything more than a platonic duo, but like, maybe I'll try to write something about them? I do adore those two. I just cant see em doin a kiss. that's just bad for my brain.

And I have no hard plans atm, but like, I'd like to write something for RIchie in general at some point. What about and what of? Idk. Certainly not a series this long. that's for fucking sure.

I don't think I can ever write for Carmen though again LMAOOO, it's only Tony for me atp. Like I can't pair him with a new reader, I'll fucking freak out. It's Chip or Die, y'know?

And while I have an epilogue planned, once Season 4 comes out, if there's something interesting that I feel like I wanna throw my hat in on, I'll come back for a Chicago's Kindest Season 2, so to speak. But no promises. They will probably give me nothing to work with, with how our stories diverge. who's to say.

anyways! not nosy!! sorry for talking about it for so fucking long!!!

i'm so glad I write the characters well, please note that it's cause I'm always freaking out about it. I am re-writing bits of lines all the time to make sure it suits their voices and decisions ,and even still i have changes i wanna make looking back LMAO

DONT CRASH OUT WHEN READING CHICAGO'S KINDEST LMAOSOD where is everyone typically when reading CK?? I'm usually on the subway editing my google doc lmao

and listen, every time i re-read Just Dropped i'm like damn. why did i not go with the punching route. should've cold clocked his ass. (love you carmy but JESUS CHRIST I WROTE ALL THAT??? WHAT WAS I GOING THROUGH MY WORD???)

THE LAST PHOTO ALSO?? i know that's a classic promo image but what the FUCK IS RICHIE DOING IN THE BACK? WHY ARE YOU SITTING LIKE THAT??? SIT UP BIG MAN WHAT THE HELL WE RUN A BUSINESS GIRL

Always rant and ramble to me!! Love to wake up to spam in my inbox. even if it takes me ten years to answer (sorry to everyone still trapped in my inbox, i love you babies)

all of you are really gonna hoot and holler when you see the squidink playlist, truly, it's so gay and sad. i love those idiots. when do i get to make them kiss. is it now? i hope it's now.

anyways i am SO LATE TO GO TO BED I'VE GOTTA GO BABIES BUT THANK YOU FOR CHATTIN WITH ME SORRY FOR TALKING FOR TOO LONG <3 HOPE I GET YOU YOUR NEXT CHAPTER SOON BABY I'M SORRY FOR THE FORCED HIATUS

[sniffanimal]

.

it's really weird trying to find space for myself in online autism communities that I've basically just stopped trying

I don't really "fit in" with other adult diagnosed/late diagnosed autistics because while I was 26 when I was "officially on my medical record diagnosed" it's been kind of an open secret my whole life? like I've known I was autistic since I was 8 but it wasn't really anything a doctor said or did anything about. I don't even remember how I found out, if I ever did. I've just like, always known I was "on the spectrum" or whatever growing up. so it's not like "ohhhh autism explains so much!" kinda feeling most late diagnosis circles have when they discuss stuff, like everything about me has always been informed by the fact that I'm autistic.

and so surely you'd think I'd fit in with other early diagnosed adult autistica, except those tend to, online, be grouped into either previously-diagnosed-aspergers-people or caretakers of people who are not afforded an online presence. and the former tends to stray into aspie supremacy a lot ("I'm not like eating crayons or whatever I'm just some guy who likes airplanes a lot ok?") and I shouldn't have to explain why the latter can be equally exhausting

and plus in my day job I'm often in a position where I have to advocate for autistic teens who are just learning self advocacy in the first place, so I'm super picky about what kind of autism circles I run in. while I guess I fall into the caretaker category for work, I'm also autistic myself.

and online, god forbid I talk about the fact that I'm medium support needs. the fact I have a degree and live away from family obfuscates that, but I also don't/cant drive and require lots of small interventions through my day to be functional in public (lots of lists and visual reminders, avoiding triggering things, heavy rehearsing and pre planning things that are upcoming, sensory interventions, PT, etc). I may be hyperlexic (I've been speaking in full sentences since I was like 18 months old and can talk circles around anyone I know), but that verbally =/= functionality. someone who is completely nonverbal could get through their days easier than me!

but no one wants to talk about how autism is a spectrum in the broadest of senses. I like the salad bar metaphor, but I think there's even better ones. maybe autism is like getting dressed.

assume everyone wears clothes. some people wear clothes they're most comfortable in at all times. some people can wear formal wear for a little while but will eventually get uncomfortable and put on comfy clothes. some people wear suits or fancy dresses every day because it brings them joy. some people wear under wires and lacy G strings because it makes them feel good regardless of how it sensory feels, and other people can't even fathom wanting to wear them because of the sensory feeling, and in either case no one will see what you're wearing because it's underwear.

okay maybe this metaphor only makes sense to me, but the idea is that everyone is putting on different articles of clothing every day. Some days the clothes are comfortable (sensory needs met, able to participate in social gatherings fully, using AAC, having access to comfort items and preferred topics), and some days the same clothes could be uncomfortable (too quiet today, same social gathering is overwhelming, iPad is dead, no one wants to talk about Pokemon). Or maybe you're wearing the wire bra (loud rock concert, crowds, people smoking, had to take an Uber pool because your car you usually drive broke down so plans changed), but someone else can't fathom that experience being tenable at all. Maybe they wear a sports bra and cotton undies (staying in predictable settings, practicing ordering at restaurants, stinking to self soothe, wearing earplugs, not embracing spontaneity) but other people might find that unsexy (socially inappropriate). Sometimes we might put on costumes like a ball gown (spend weeks preparing for a trip, going over itinerary and lists and watching videos to prepare and ensuring you will have space and time to decompress and calling ahead to the venue to check and double check and making sure your friend is okay driving the whole way and renting a car that's the same model you're used to driving in and wearing the lotion with the smell from home so that the new car won't smell as different and ) because you know you'll look cool as hell while you're wearing it, but that the sweat pants and cotton undies are waiting for you after. And sometimes while you're in the ball gown you carefully constructed, you realize you know what fuck this and have to strip down to your bloomers! and everyone hates when you do that because they expected you to wear the ball gown all night

I was going somewhere with this post. but anyways. I'm autistic and it's exhausting to be one online so I just look at funny images instead of trying to build community

[narwhalandchill]

okok so ya know that post i mentioned i was writing on some of the harbinger related leaks that cropped up recently and then mobile fucked me over by publishing the post early by gaslighting me with a "post" button that Clearly read "save" (draft) so i deleted it but managed to rescue the text that was there and promised to finish it and post it later and then its been 12 years anyway? yeah right 😭 Oh well.

BUT. finally. might as well do the thing now in honor of childes bday at the very least KJWJKWDJK. sorry it took this long lmao

jsyk these leaks predate our current natlan beta datamines and some of the questionable story leaks floating around so like, natlan plot wise they dont have shit to do w em there & not bringing up any that ive seen. but ya

(so . attempt 2: recent lazzo VA character direction leaks for the harbingers mostly in relation to childes role in the overall plot. bit ranty and gets Long but idek what yall expected. + ig just potential long term plot implications from these leaks given its the harbingers beware)

aka: mostly concerning the faction stuff + pulcinellas directions for now . if u havent seen em uhhhh

basically tldr: according to (and assuming its not outdated) some information accessed by leakers recently originally provided for the VAs applying to voice the harbingers in lazzo, the group is allegedly split between two factions of "conservatives" and "radicals" . like thats the first thing

now as to what those labels rly mean ppl were overall speculating that it might be sth along the lines of. conservatives as the tsaritsa loyalists who stand united and for the organization and her majestys goals above all (OR alternatively just like. a more cautious take on How to approach the toppling celestia deal) VS those whose true ambitions, loyalty and methods they are willing to turn to are more of a wild card situation . and their allegiances are equally volatile in turn . & i will say imo the radicals are also most likely much less of an united group compared to the conservatives given uhhhhhhh. well you will see

so conservatives are: capitano, columbina, pulcinella, sandrone

radicals are: dottore, arle (see the "radicals might not like each other that much"), pantalone

pierro is neutral, childe is unknown/undecided according to the leaks HOWEVER. his positioning next to the radicals in the shot of lazzo with the harbingers standing around signoras coffin split along those same faction lines found in the leaks may indeed suggest something Interesting regarding his penultimate choice . if it Indeed is intended to be meaningful that he as an "unknown" just happened to take That side of the coffin alongside the 3 confirmed radicals according to this info . like how Curious

And i just. okay okay i have to be Honest theres like. SUCH a toxic childish taking-fandom-grievances-too-seriously part to me eyeing the possibility of ajax turning out to be a radical thats just like. dawei lets this happen and i WILL be the WORLDS most obnoxious fucking bitch about it bc . Listen

i. Have. ALWAYS. thought it obvious as FUCK . that a guy whose ambition WILL NOT stop until it is the very WORLD that lies defeated at his feet. will NEVER be satiated by what the fatui can offer him . like if he really is a radical. i can CONFIDENTLY state that i saw that shit coming in TWENTY FUCKING TWENTY and that Every single doubter owes me So much fucking money 💀💀💀💀💀💀 jkjk but. Duuuude. ever since this faction stuff dropped.... i cant stop thinking abt it

like i just. cannot stand the way its been turned into this . INDOMITABLE 100% factual absolute Truth that CANNOT be challenged. in the fandom. that childe is a tsaritsa fanboy loyalist devout worshipper who couldnt even fuckimg FATHOM leaving his allegiance to her behind . when its been . SPELLED OUT to yall in his fucking profile SINCE 1.1 .

bc like. Listen up. Repeat after me. ik its scary and new after 4 years of Exclusively hearing takes where like childe would rather spontaneously combust to the beat of snezhnayas national anthem while begging for repentance than ever stop taking orders from uhhhh a god. Who he definitely worships devoutly as a god despite 0 evidence on any religious piety on his part Trust (like. ive. Always thought his voiceline for her has been the opposite? its very much. Not how youd speak of divinity. his regard for her is Personal and relates to the tsaritsa as an individual, not a god inherently deserving of worship)

like ik this is a big thing and scary but just. Say the words with me here. It only stings once .deep breaths. okay 1 2 3

"But becoming Tartaglia was far from his end goal. To someone who sought to conquer the world, this was but a tiny step in his journey."

YUP.

BECOMING TARTAGLIA. BECOMING A HARBINGER. SWEARING AN OATH OF LOYALTY TO THE TSARITSA. A TINY. STEP. A TINY FUCKING STEP. AND HES BEEN AWARE OF IT BEING LIKE THIS THE ENTIRE TIME.

THIS HAS BEEN TEXT FOUND IN GAME THERE FOR NEARLY FOUR FUCKING YEARS NOW . AND PPL STILL THINK AJAX ISNT CAPABLE OF SURPASSING AND ABANDONING THE TSARITSA THE SECOND THE BENEFITS THEY OFFER HIM FALL SHORT OF THE EXPONENTIAL GROWTH OF HIS POWER AND AMBITION AND WHAT IT TAKES TO SATIATE HIM .

like im SORRY contrary to maybe popular belief and despite my persistent frustrations w this fandoms approach to ajax sometimes i Do in fact feel actively mean and unreasonably harsh calling 97% of childe "fans" functionally illiterate or at the very least intentionally obtuse to the point its beyond fucking parody in how ridiculous it gets but like. if THIS isnt what a complete and utter failure of basic reading comprehension is I DONT KNOW WHAT IS . like. DUDE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 what IS IT with these people its like genuinely fucking incomprehensible to me how CRITICAL shit about his character like this goes COMPLETELY ignored as if it hasnt been established since Day fucking one its unreal . Unreal 💀

and like. i get bitchy and snappy abt it i know its not the best look always but man its sth thats genuinely upsetting to me too bc . THIS is the fucking dude thats possessed me for the last 4 years THIS is what i love about him his potential to surpass Every Single Boundary that he has begun his journey confided within. that he will transcend it all and surpass his own limits with sheer fucking willpower over and over again until even the few he truly idolized and respected like the tsaritsa and capitano are suddenly so distant and irrelevant compared to the heights He has reached out for in his hunger....... its so peak like THIS is whats had me in a death grip for all this time

and like. for THAT guy that mr childe ajax tartaglia the REAL thing to barely even. Exist. in the minds of such a majority of the fandom its just fucking crushing sometimes. like i wanna appreciate all this abt him man i wanna share all my brainrot abt him and how this dude consumes my every waking thought but then borderline every single comment i see and popular take on him is just oh my pookie wookie babie girl would Never be able to betray tsaritsa ever etc etc etc and just.... Sigh

anyway overshare over sorry for that. yeah my ADHD makes me irrationally attached to my hyperfixations its kinda cringe .

do catch me kissing this man on the mouth Immediately the second his ambition surpasses the fatui and he goes beast mode fr fr on Everyone tho 🥰🥰 dyke license lost forever but itll be worth it

also real talk im like fairly convinced at least like 78% of the omgggg hes forever loyal to the tsaritsa gang are mostly like stuck in this mindset of like. omgggg hed Never Betray Her bc he doesnt like those who break promises uwu and its like. since when did the possibility of ajax outgrowing the stage where the fatui offer him anything worthwhile automatically equate to him betraying her wholesale and completely dropping any and all respect he had for her or sth. like yeah i do agree to an extent that it could end up p uncharacteristic (at least w/o proper plot setup or reasoning) for him to pull off like a complete disney twist villain backstab out of nowhere there but??? thats not rly whats going to automatically happen either???

(nvm that like a considerable portion of these same ppl were prolly writing "omgg ajax my poor victim MUST betray the evil tsaritsa" fics in 1.1 when everyone had the idea in their heads that he hates his job and is only doing it bc his family is held hostage and is also 17 bc of certified english localization moment. but i digress this is just unreasonably petty and im being a loser by not letting this shit go 2 this day💀💀)

bc like. if you ask me. the Interesting thing abt ajax and the possibility of being a radical IS that if hes going to refuse to follow an order or step out of line to follow his own path however it goes. its Not going to be personal. its not gonna be this big dramatic edgelord turncoat villainous moment to him. itll be straightforward. matter of fact. easy as breathing. because if he has moved past each and every benefit the fatui can even fathom offering him. its only natural that he progresses beyond them. thats just how his unquenchable ambition Works. how his black hole of a never-ending desire to devour and crush all in his path operates. its not personal. its not something you can change. its inevitable. he is a force of nature when it comes to the drive burning at the core of his soul.

like i Really dont think hes ever going to backstab the tsaritsa in some dirty play fashion??? if anything its only fitting that hes going to look her In the eye and go. oh my bad. i dont think our agreement serving a mutual benefit really holds ground anymore. apologies. like ofc its going to be something he handles while staying true to the person hes been all this time. kind of a bad guy and perfectly willing to own up to it. selfish and arrogant and with his sights set steadfast on a goal No one will get him to sway from.

and then he elopes with the narwh-------------- yes kill me

basically i just. dont get this whole perceived and persistent incompatibility between the idea of. ajax being a radical (whatever that ends up meaning in the story. IF these lazzo materials remain accurate) yet remaing the same guy we know and love. like guys. ARLE. is a radical. and has all but directly confessed to considering the survival of the house her greatest priority over any loyalty to the fatui and her majesty. yet she STILL regards her with respect and continues to fulfill her duties as a harbinger as expected for the time being. despite her full awareness of this loyalty being on shakier ground and surely making contingencies on the side for the future for When she sees it is time for her organization to sever the ties to the tsaritsa.

like Thats what i mean when i say its always been completely reasonable and even predictable to me that ajax would outgrow the fatui and how that has jack shit to do with his character suddenly doing some wild 180 in order to do so. and why this potentially significant visual alignment he has with the radicals in lazzo isnt surprising at all. bc if it doesnt fundamentally change who arle is (and doesnt make her a dottore fan) that she is ultimately someone whose loyalty to the organization comes second to her house. why would childe be any different lmao.

but like yes if he turns out to be a radical i will be soooooo obnoxious over it jkwjkawdjkwajkwdakjwdjkwdjkdwjk bc like im NOT lying this has been one of the Clearest trajectories ive expected from his arc All This Time . no matter which form it might eventually take in terms of. is it him and His growth initiating the split. or is it a betrayal from or a loss of faith in the tsaritsa herself that kickstarts it. if its canon? yeah i Saw that shit coming and you should all be scared of who ill become if dawei proves me right Again ill be the Worst

Phew that sure went way overboard but yes radical ajax advocacy group in here 100% . and overall even tho i mostly care abt him i Do think this faction split is inherently v fucking interesting and ajax being unknown is just. i wonder if itll end up being significant at some critical moment that his faction leanings are unknown slash undefined at the moment............... where the scales are about to tip and its by his hand that some key moment gets its turning point......... hmmmmmmm

(also its just. before these leaks we got "columbina is conservative" as an out of context statement Before the faction stuff and its still so fucking funny bc ppl were just like. wow i cant believe shes homophobic)

now. pulcinella time

so among the VA direction cards that leaked was his. and like if u didnt see them urself (not gonna post any here. hoyo lawyers love striking Any hoyo copyrighted media in all posts that have leaks in em even if its not an actual leak which this is lol) the setup is basically. theres a few overall notes on each of the harbingers like age, demeanor, characterization and then 3 sample lines of dialogue as well as notes further elaborating when & why this is being said and with what sort of vibe.

and his are. Well. you know how i started this post out being like on god dawei if you go and fatten my ego any further by Specifically vindicating me myself and i & the kinda things id prefer in genshins story and childes role going forward . Personally????

Anyway funny thing as it happens. IF (and admittedly thats a major if.) this VA direction doc from pulcinella holds up. and there isnt like a hidden scheming menacing side to him that wasnt brought up in the lazzo files. in that case . it sure is looking like pulcinella is just. a bit over the top in public but privately genuinely an overworked well-meaning pragmatic guy who deeply cares for and is truly protective of those important to him. INCLUDING. yes you know who and his family. NOTHING in the doc whatsoever implying anything sinister to it. nor wrt pulcinellas character overall.

and i just. nothing personal to scara fans yall are cool and ur guy is too i just simply. Cannot. guys can you IMAGINE being so much of an edgelord cynical embarrassment puppetfailure that ur own mommy issues make you physically incapable of Not assuming the worst of pulcinella caring for childes family leading to YEARS of ppl being CONVINCED hes gonna be this major fucking villain for ajax in the snezhnaya arc i . LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(my scara liker indulgence Ends the second hat guy speaks shit abt My man if you havent noticed. yeah WHO called who naive and stupid???)

like. if the Plot twist in the snezhnaya arc is setting pulcinella up to be this ominous figure that has ulterior motives w childes family and him overall????? only for him to be just. genuinely well-intentioned. oh my fucking god PLEASE let it happen PLEASE bc the entire concept of that whole plotline existing without said plot twist is just soooooo bland and fucking boring to me lol subverting it is just chef kiss

& sure this leak is. very limited in scope it doesnt automatically eliminate pulcinella manipulating childe and/or limiting what information he gets and all. and i genuinely have made my peace with the probable existence of this plot thread w arles SQ already before this whole thing happened but MAN ill be SO fucking happy if this means they might abandon/subvert it altogether like. let him just have a nice supportive mentor figure in his life in the fatui man 😭😭😭

pulcinella if u really just are a nice person ultimately. you TRULY are my goat o777 saving my man from bland family-is-hostage-waa storylines i have Such respect

anyway u could say its not possible for pulcinella to be like. fully a good guy since arles SQ already showcased him being unreliable w information regarding arle but honestly. i kinda disagree. bc like Especially with the faction thing in mind its not unreasonable at all in my eyes that given the Facts of what peruere did. that pulcinella despite not being this scheming schemer brainwashing ajax or whatever. would Genuinely hold a very negative opinion of arlecchino. and convey that to childe. bc like. pulcinella as stated above is in the conservative side of the harbingers. and arlecchino to the outside eyes rly did like. murder a harbinger and her own "mother" and siblings of the house. like do we even know that the harbingers are Aware of how crucabena ran her hunger games death tournament situation to begin with? and Why peruere killed her????

like. if we assume pulcinella doesnt know those things. and that crucabena in all likelihood was if nothing else then presumably a harbinger that was very loyal to the tsaritsa and very consistent. then from that position. of COURSE. youd consider arle a complete downgrade in terms of reliability . she IS a wild card she IS not someone a careful politician like pulcinella would regard highly At All. So like. i dont think when he gives childe the impression that arle is batshit insane and tells him of her (VERY REAL) murderous deeds. i dont think that would automatically equate to pulcinella Knowingly lying and misleading ajax . bc it seems fairly reasonable that pulcinella just genuinely thinks that lowly of her and thus would OBVIOUSLY want his protege not to involve himself with such people.

bc like thats the other thing. its not just arle. in pulcinellas VA notes and the line he has on ajax there. its very clear that he is actively trying to keep him away and shield him from ALL the harbingers . as he still has to mature and grow into someone who will have a chance at gaining their respect proper on his own. so like. if pulcinella thinks its best for ajax to remain away EVEN from the harbingers he himself considers GOOD to NEUTRAL influences and reliable colleagues. of COURSE hed make Extra sure that ajax is staying away from the knave whom pulcinella Actively considers a shitty fit for the job and an unreliable flight risk of a harbinger 💀💀💀💀

(nvm the way arle actively BOTH confirms pulcinellas distrust to be justified by saying the tsaritsa isnt a priority to her and the house is AND actively admits that he prefers other people believe misleading shit about her. so like fym pulcinella thinking the worst of her is surprising)

so like is pulcinellas pov of her at best Highly biased and lacking critical context on Why she merked so many of her sibs and crucabena??? and thus served as an inherently misleading insight on her character when he conveyed it to ajax??? absolutely. but i also dont think hes necessarily lying at all when it comes to perceiving arle in such a negative way so its less. oh i want ajax to remain in the dark forever so he is easy 2 manipulate. more just. thats his Opinion dude and ofc he wants his protege to follow in his stead and not get any poor influences from people like her. it still makes for interesting development & possible tension that childe Is questioning his views on things by making his own judgements about arle but. ya know. its not black and white.

but yeaaaa to be clear me vastly preferring the possibility of scara just being a cringelord unreliable narrator and this whole pulcinella-is-masterminding-dubious-things getting subverted & hes just a guy is just a personal thing lmao. this is pretty old material and far from all-encompassing in terms of Who hoyo wants pulcinellas character to be and all the layers he might hide. im just really 👁️👁️👁️ at the way this particular description of his character seems to be giving off vibes that they in fact Arent actually going all the way into the ulterior motives bad bad ajax watch out pulcinella and its just. listen theres way more interesting shit for ajax to be doing in the endgame plot than some generic plot like that!!!!!!!11! sorry!!!1 so id 1000% want it this way instead lmao

but we shall see where it goes. at the very least if this desc of pulcinella holds Any ground at all then it does disqualify the most extreme version of hes just basically evil manipulator mastermind so like. im already super happy with that lmao

but ya . sorry this took me forever to actually finish jwjkwdjkawjkwd these leaks r kinda old news by now rip .

[c0rinarii]

These guys have been living in my head rent free for more than 4 years at this point and i find it criminal that i did not ever post my HCs about all of them publicly.

So here yall go for the 3 people who keep up with the original Red Embrace; 5 headcanons for my 5 specialest boys. Threads into pretty heavy topics (depression mainly) and light spoilers for the game below. Play it if you havent and are intrested in them 🫵

Ash:

- Bisexual with a slight m-spec lean

- His impulsivity and recklessness is mainly caused by depression, which i think he suffers substantially from. Too many lines point towards how unhappy he was with his life before meeting his love interest :(

- HUGE anime nerd. A gut feeling tells me he would be a huge mecha nerd. But generally, he enjoys more abstract and "nonsense" anime. Unsprisingly because of this, his favourite anime is eva LMAO

- He has the most relationship experience out of the 5, having been both with women and men before meeting them. His longest relationship at that point was with a college frat boy (and the fall out was MESSY)

- Him and Troy arent best friends per say, but Troy and him went to the same college. They were accquainted with eachother when Ash got with his boyfriend at the time. When they broke up, Troy had Ash's back throughout the aftermath. I like to think the apartment he's living in currently was sponsered by Troy.

- [He gets an extra one bc he is so special to me] Deep down, Ash is someone that had been hurt so much by his life that he thinks he doesnt deserve to be loved unconditionally. Despite his tough and wry behaviour, he is a HUGE people pleaser; thinking that he needs to cater to everyone as best as he could so he has even a chance to survive.

Dominic:

- Bisexual with no paticular preference

- Prior to being bitten, Dom was an A+ student, a jock and mega popular. Literally everyone who was in the same school as him described him as "a student so perfect, he's almost alien" Despite this however, he was still described as a quiet boy with not much to say. He also got into similar shenanigains Rex did when he was back in Phoneix, but to a much lesser degree.

-The necklace on his chest is a locket! it has his family photo inside and he clutches it when he's feeling reaaally sad :(

- He and Rex are exes and he curently has some sort of weird fling with Isaac. He was the one who broke it off between him and Rex due to personal reasons (depression). The breakup wasnt a big deal initially. But when Rex found out that Dom was Seirei and pretended to be Helgen to date Rex, he felt incredibly betrayed. His feeling of hatred only grew when he realised how much disrespect and contempt he actually had for the clan system.

- He would never admit it upfront but he is a sucker for romance. He has a small stash of romance novels hidden away in a library he visits. He would have thrived on Wattpad.

Rex:

- Pansexual with an m-spec lean

- Shockingly mature when it comes to social situations. This guy is king at figuring out social ques and what is required of him to fit in (he's hopeless in any other fronts of smarts though rip). This is why he was such a vunerable target to peer pressure :(

- As such, this is why he hated Dom so much outside of clan shenanigains and because of what happened during their relationship. Seeing the absolute disrespect he had for his clan yet still being somewhat respected regardless made him incredibly envious and jelous of him. But if anything, he cant fathom how one could live completely alone like that to cope with unlife.

-He got his eye tattoo as part of a dare to see who was the "most hardcore" out of his Phoneix friend group. The dare only required them to get a sleeve tattoo, but Rex took it up a notch by getting a half body and a cheek tattoo to boot. He is really enthusastic about him and Ash getting matching cheek tattoos (which Ash rejects, but he promises that he'll consider a matching shoulder tattoo)

-He says he feeds of junkies and homeless people, but this man will actually try his best to source bloodbags instead when he can. He actually really hates seeing people scream in pain when he feeds bc he feels guilty 🥲

Isaac:

- Gay. gayyyy. fuuull fruits basket. He thinks women are great friends but he would never find any romantic interest in them. He's known this since he was a young teen and had christian boy guilt over it when he found out.

- He isnt as flirty, straightfoward or heartless as one may think from him!! A good chunk of it is a front to hide the fact that he's actually someone who gives way too much shits about people he cares about. His demeanour may not show it but his actions definitely does (Lets Ash in on what's actually going on in San Fran at night so he doesnt find out the hard way, Opting with a more "peaceful" option to overthrow Bishop that instigate a full bloodbath despite his resentment to vampires, LITERALLYYY SELLING HIMSELF OUT TO KEEP LUKA SAFE??). He flirts agressively to tease but he makes you genuinely comfy cozy right after.

- As such, he is suprisingly very easy to tease back. You out-flirt this man he is melting into a flustered puddle in the corner of the room. Ash and Dom have done it multiple times and his flustered expression never gets old.

- He does eyeliner, and has gotten so good at it that he can make a wing with a few swipes.

- Is currently in a weird fwb limbo with Dom where they're comfortable enough to vent to eachother about minor frustrations and fuck nasty, but still too aprehensive to talk about their actual feelings and struggles, as well as set aside their differences (ESPECIALLY Isaac towards Dom). Will they ever figure it out? Who knows!

Luka:

- He's currently unlabelled, but has a very strong m-spec lean. What's funny is that he actually went throgh that period where he becomes homophobic after realising his "gay" tendencies. He only got over this when he started working, and put aside questioning his sexuality completely when he set out to look for David. He's too busy to dick around with whether or not he was lame for liking boys LMFAO

- He is the only one out of the 5 to have a drivers license and a basic grasp on how to "function like a normal person of society". Also the only one of the 5 that had a legitimately established, moderately high paying job (even if it was because of nepotism)

- His previous job was as a photographer for his dad's magazine company! At the side, he also did some modelling.

- He is also extremely enthusiastic about trees and types of trees! Everytime he gets to stroll in a forest he'd lowkey geek out about any tree he finds interesting. While usually whiny about everywhere else, he will never complain about being in nature.

- He doesnt really hate Isaac as much as he lets on; and I like to think he's aware of his acts of service towards him despite having treated Isaac terribly. He holds a considerable amount of guilt for not being brave enough to say sorry and thank him for his show of kindness throughout the year and a half(?) period. He never ever forgave himself when he found out that Isaac went as far as to sell himself out to protect him.