#6am panda brain strikes again

[dapandapod]

Good morning panda brain!

So!

Jaskier helps Geralt through his bisexual awakening.

Geralt knew people can like both. Triss and yen are know to take lovers from any gender and he has never thought twice about it.

Until he realizes Jaskier does too.

And Geralt tries to work through it by himself, mulling it over, trying to figure out if it is *just* the bard he is attracted to, or other men too?

But he finds he get confused and frustrated because it is hard to identify feelings, even more so if they are his own? So one day/eve/ something he asks Jask for help, because he is the safest one he knows to ask.

(There might also be a hint of self sabotaging afoot but he doesn’t realize that)

“How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“If you like both?”

And then Jaskier asks a series of questions (he makes sure Geralt is alright or if he doesn’t have an awnser/want to say it, that Geralt doesn’t have to say but he should think about it) about what makes Geralt notice a person, draws him in.

In the end they say something in the lines of;

“It is fine to experiment. Just try not to do that with the subject of your affection.” And then after a while “I could help you..”

And before Geralt thinks of what the fuck he is saying, he blurts out something like;

“I was told not to experiment with the subject of my affection” something something.

And Jaskier goes all 😳😳😳 because ofc he hoped and dreamed and he too helped out in some self sacrificing thing in hope to make Geralt happy, even if it was with someone else, and now he gets this??

And then begins the circling around each other, because it would hurt if Geralt tried these feelings with someone else (and with the risk of him falling for that person) while being *told* he is the reason for this bisexual crisis/awakening.

But also it would hurt even more if they tried, if Jaskier opens that door and allows himself some room to feel all those suppressed feelings - but as an experiment, one that Geralt might find that no, he doesn’t feel that way, thanks for helping out - and closing the door again.

Buuut all goes as it usually does with Geralt - maybe they part for winter, Geralt on the way there thinks about every man he ever found hot, and maybe it is not many, but enough to feel like yeah, there is something there.

And then he spends the entire winter fantasizing about his bard, how it would feel to woo him, and finds that he likes it.

Come spring, maybe they re unite but there is something tense now between them, the fine line of pretending Geralt didn’t say he might fancy the bard, just to be able to keep going without throwing themselves at each other.

The bard never said anything back after all.

An out, if Geralt decides he doesn’t feel that way.

But then Geralt starts to try it out. Reaching for Jask’s hand, touching him more, smiling, maybe even flirting.

And eventually Jask has to ask, has to check that this is not an experiment, because Jaskier’s heart won’t be able to take it.

And Geralt sits quietly for a while, starting at the flames. Maybe they are in a room or maybe they are in the forest, but he sits quietly to think, and it is so very hard to bear.

And maybe Geralt decides that

“I may be inexperienced with this, and even if I have found I find other men attractive, it is towards you I am drawn. So if you would let me, I would try to make you think of only me, too” or something.

And he hopes Jaskier doesn’t mind inexperienced lovers, well. Geralt has been with people before, but he haven’t… loved them.

And he tells Jaskier that, he will make mistakes yes, but he is trying to learn, and he hopes, but if Jask wants nothing of it, he will stop. Clarifying stop trying to woo jask, not stopping to feel that way, about him and about men.

And maybe Jaskier needs to think about it.

Eventually Jaskier says that, he knows what it is like to have his heart broken. Expressing love is easy for him yes, but loving? *Loving* is hard. And it hurts like hell.

So he begs Geralt, begs him to take care. Because if they try this, there might be no going back. No place to return to, should this fail. He can’t guarantee he can heal should Geralt break his heart.

And they go forward with glacial speed, working to change the foundation, gently building trust and affection. They are apart for big stretches of the year, but reunifying has them growing closer.

Very little changes, but Jaskier notice how Geralt is looking at him. Keeps looking at him. Keeps reaching for him.

And eventually, when Jaskier dares believe this is not a passing thing, he reaches back.

They find themselves sleeping closer on purpose. They start wintering together, properly, and find themselves always in each other’s orbit.

They are in every sense a couple, but the physical one. And even if Geralt is the inexperienced one, he lets Jaskier set the pace.

And the bard works himself up to it. Hand holding becomes kisses on the hand. Kisses on the hand becomes kisses in the cheek. And one day, just after lunch at Corvo Bianco, Jaskier kisses him on the cheek, but remains close.

Geralt lets him, waiting and watching, until Jaskier presses a peck to his lips too. And then another one. And then before dinner, the dams are broken, and the peck turns into a kiss, a proper, lingering, earth shattering kiss.

And Geralt, the absolute ass, is murmuring against Jaskier’s lips, even as he is pressing Jaskier against the table, even as they are smiling and kisses, he says

“Have you been experimenting with the subject of your affection?”

“It seems that I am.”

“Some would deem that unwise.” Geralt says, kissing jask again. “What is your conclusion?”

It is a question in jest, he knows, but Jaskier studies Geralt’s face, holds his face with both hands as they become serious.

“That I love you.”

Which … has been a terrifying thought. Up til now, it has been the most frightening thing to carry.

But now? Now they are in each other’s arms, now they are on equal footing. Now it means the same thing for them both.