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allenmendezsr · 4 years

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Niche Blogging Profits - What Gurus Do Not Share About Making $ Online

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Niche Blogging Profits - What Gurus Do Not Share About Making $ Online

Buy Now

NICHE BLOGGING PROFIT WINDFALLS:

“7 Shocking Secrets I Discovered After Starting 5 Blogs and Generating Up to $35,000 in Real Dollars”

Now in printer-friendly PDF format so you can easily read it & make notes!

Psst… I have never thought I could share this with anyone, until now!

Are you ready to find the 7 shocking secrets I discovered after starting 5 blogs and raking-in $35,000?

… You Could Be Making A Lot More Money and Laugh at the Gurus at the Same Time! 🙂

Want some PROOF?

See what’s in it for you…

Here Is What These 7 Incredibly Shocking “Blogging” Secrets Will Do for You & Your BLOG:

1. It will open your eyes and help you see where and how to improve your blog and (finally) take it to the next level… pro bloggers don’t teach this!

2. It will help you make more money online while working less (I’m earning a full-time income blogging less than 2 hours/day!)

3. It will help you understand why almost everything you have learned about blogging was wrong— just implement my secrets on all your blogs and see your profits skyrocket like never before!

Once you grab this report, you’ll see how “easy” it is to make money online and why you haven’t thought about this yet. However…

This is NOT for Everybody!

==> If you have already made 35k blogging, then this is not for you because you probably know most of these “secrets”; the fact is that 85% of all the bloggers out there are cluess about blog monetization!

Did you know that AdSense and affiliate programs are not the best ways to make money blogging?

==> If you think you could make 35k “overnight”, this is not for you because you need to understand that it takes time and “testing” to unlock your full blog profit potential…

With my help you’re “guaranteed” to succeed when you never give up!

You’ll shortcut your learning curve tremendously and you’ll start making money as soon as you implement my cash-generating “blogging strategies!

Here’s What You’re Going to Discover Once You Grab “Niche Blogging Profits”:

Want to know the secret to learning faster, better and easier? Discover how to get the most out of this report (page 2)

Why keyword research is not the best way to select your niche! I reveal 94 “unique” blog NICHES — pick the one that suits you the best! (page 4)

You don’t need to be an expert to make money blogging, you need to ___ ___ … learn the “real” key ingredient to blogging for profits! (page 5)

How to become a niche blogging authority — it’s not “IF”, it’s “WHEN”! (page 6)

Kill your “___ ___” before it kills you! This is the single biggest thing that makes the difference between a successful person and a non-successful one — this is what separates the best from the rest! (page 7)

How I started from ground ZERO, with nothing but ___ and ___ , yet made a small fortune online blogging! (page 9)

What Michael Jordan can teach us about blogging for profits and making money online! (page 10)

What Seth Godin can teach YOU about selecting a great domain name for your BLOG — there are three little-known and often neglected ingredients a domain name needs to include for long-term profit windfall… (page 11 & 12)

Discover the biggest mistake all bloggers commit when selecting a domain name for their BLOGS! You have to avoid this or you will fail from the start… (page 12)

2 “secret” places I use to get reliable blog hosting for less than $10/month and domain names for less than $9/year (page 13)

How a guy sold a blog for $15 millions, and WHY this is the highest amount of a WP related blog ever sold! (page 13)

How to learn everything about every topic — 4 little-known and often neglected content idea generating resources… (page 15)

What you need to include in the first 5 to 15 posts on your BLOG! This is common sense, yet most bloggers neglect it! (page 16)

Why Blogger & WordPress.com Are Not the Best Solution for blogging for profits; most people don’t know this and that’s why they’ve not unlocked their blog full profit potential yet! (page 17)

This one-click install (hosting) option lets you install a blog in 60 seconds or less! Yeah, it’s unbelievable but true! (page 18)

The biggest secret I discovered about list building via blogs. Why FeedBurner & RSS Is NOT the Best Way to Build Your List! (page 19)

Why blogging for money is NOT about Adsense — read about my “affiliate promo” test who out-earned AdSense with $2,900 (page 21)

The biggest secret I learned about blogging for money and this is why most bloggers fail to make more than $100/month with their blogs, in their first 2-5 years online… (page 21 & 22)

And other “cool” things I discovered about blogging after starting 5 blogs and generating up to $35,000…

How Much? And… What Is The Catch?

FACT: I already have the experience (and the expertise) to sell this for $200+ to small-business bloggers and “expert” marketers who have no clue yet of what blogging could do for their business.

This groundbreaking report is dedicated to the newbie market though. It was created with the little guy in mind, the blogger who is not making a full-time living online with blogs yet!

So, what’s the price? Hold your breath! Only $29.00 $9.95, one-time!

Most people ask me why do I give these powerful “blogging” secrets away if they are making me money already?

I give the same answer to all of them: because I want the little guy to have the same chance I had when I started with very little budget blogging back in 2005!

I believe in the law of reciprocity. I learned that if I give you great information, and over-deliver, you might return to me and buy more stuff from me, as well as refer your friends to my site.

Isn’t this business-wise, or what?

If niche saturation rings a bell, read this —

Most “poor-mindset” marketers would think that once people start using these secrets, the niche would get crowded and less money will be made because this stuff won’t work anymore! That’s false!…

First of all, what I’m going to share with you is based on principles and long-terms strategies. Principles never change, and strategies rarely.

I believe in the law of abundance too; so there’s room for everybody, including you, my 1,000+ clients and 1 million other competitors.

Forget about market saturation, or competition, and start learning the smartest way to blog for profits…

Here Is How to Place Your Order 100% Safe & Secure…

Once order approved, you get directed to the download page for fast product access!

If you have any questions, count on me! I personally answer your e-mails [please allow 48 hours on week days]

1. E-mail me codrut@codrutturcanudotcom

2. Skype me CodrutTurcanu

Your friend in success, Codrut Turcanu [email marketing specialist, affiliate blogger and copywriter expert]

P.S. There is nothing else on this page, just my honest offer! You either take advantage of it right now, or your competitors will! Why let them make more money than you? Take what’s yours now — start blogging like never before with“Niche Blogging Profits”!

P.P.S. Here is what others think about “Niche Blogging Profits”…

“…will really open your eyes to what is possible with blogging…”

“I feel that if you are sitting on the fence wondering if you really want to blog or not you should really read Codrut Turcanu’s Niche Blogging Profits which will really open your eyes to what is possible with blogging and show you just how simple and easy it is to get started.

Keep up the great work Codrut!

Reed Floren – 22 year old semi-retired Internet marketer ReedFloren.com

It’s time you start making money blogging!

Grab your copy of “Niche Blogging Profits” today!

“Your pdf gave me an idea on how to learn a new subject or topic fairly quickly…”

“Hi Codrut

I must say I am very impressed with Niche Blogging Profits…

I read it from cover to cover even though you said I should not but I made notes and I can’t tell you how much the PDF made me breath a sigh of relief and fresh air.

The information is great because like so many places on the Internet filled with fluff, scams, sales pitches and systems that are a complete waste of time your course sounded so honest and genuine that it helped me on a mental and emotional level.

I have been irritated lately trying to work out how to earn money on the Internet with information overload and just making a decision to stick with.

Your pdf really has cleared my mind and made ONE thing very clear to me.

Focus on your customer and forget the money.

To be honest it makes a lot of sense and there is nothing complicated about it.

People don’t want a product they want a solution to their problems.

Your pdf gave me an idea on how to learn a new subject or topic fairly quickly which I think I will use when I start my own blog.

My 3 main areas of interest are woodwork, art and IT so I will be writing about these soon.

Thank You for releasing this product it really has helped a lot.”

Rafeeq Ibrahim – freebusinesssupport.bravehost.com

It’s time you start making money blogging!

Grab your copy of “Niche Blogging Profits” today!

“I wish I had your report when I started!“

“Hey Codrut,

I just looked over the notes I made while reading your report and I realized something… I think you have the wrong title for this report. Although the title is “7 Shocking Secrets….”, you’ve provided so much more!

This report is filled with so many golden nuggets and useful bonuses.

It not only provides great tips, that would get anyone wanting to make serious money with blogging started on the right feet, but more broader lessons for success in internet marketing and life in general.

There’s a blog I started about a year ago and which is now making me a nice handful of money every month. When I think back about the changes I’ve made to the blog since I started it, which I learned the hard way, I realized that you are correct in everyone of your recommendations. I wish I had your report when I started!

I have always been impressed with your products in the past Codrut, and you can definitely add this report to that list.”

William Mapp – affiliatemarketinglessons.com ; elitemarketerinterviews.com

It’s time you start making money blogging!

Grab your copy of “Niche Blogging Profits” today!

“…you so clearly EXPLAIN the POWER of those steps…”

“Hi Codrut

The BEST thing about the Niche Blogging Profits Report is NOT just

The clear layout

The great advice about how to USE it

The “Special Bonus” included that’s worth thousands of $$

The Seven Brief yet Specific Steps

For me the BEST part is that you so clearly EXPLAIN the POWER of those steps which heightens their VALUE and locks it in for me. I’m going to take advantage of your advice immediately!

Thanks, Codrut. I appreciate you.”

Mary K – mkweinhagen.com

It’s time you start making money blogging!

Grab your copy of “Niche Blogging Profits” today!

“…wonder if any serious money can be made as a blogger, be sure to pay close attention to the case study on page 13…”

“Niche Blogging Profits is perfect for anyone who is brand new to blogging and wants to get started on the right path.

It’s especially helpful for those who have dabbled with blogging in the past, but now want to make a serious effort to generate some useful affiliate revenue as a blogger.

If you’re naturally skeptical by nature like me, and wonder if any serious money can be made as a blogger, be sure to pay close attention to the case study on page 13 — it’s very inspiring and insightful. I highly recommend you read Niche Blogging Profits today.”

Nathan Falkner – Adpole.com

It’s time you start making money blogging!

Grab your copy of “Niche Blogging Profits” today!

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ladymadsen · 7 years

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1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? The last person to tell me they loved me, was my best friend / soul sister, Emmi. She definitely means it, as do I, every day that I tell her the same recurring sentiment. 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Absolutely freaking not.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Umm . . . aggravated and happy. I know I’ve felt it. Most likely with my ex?

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I do that almost every day.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I mean, possibly, but I doubt it. Men aren’t exactly nipping at my heels these days.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Hahaha, yep. “Soap” by Melanie Martinez made me think of a friend of mine I’ve been talking to.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A tight black turtle neck underneath a black dress with roses on it. Definitely channeling the Audrey Hepburn vibe today.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Every time I’m alone. Whether it’s in the car, or with headphones, I’m always listening to music. Melanie’s album, “Cry Baby” has been on repeat, as well as a few singles by Cigarettes After Sex.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Black jeans.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018?

God, I hope so. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life, outside of trying to stay ahead of my depression, figuring out how to record my next album, and not dating people who just seem interested in sex.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Eh. Depends on the damn day.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Yup. Yup. Yup.

13. What about ‘R’?

Mhmm.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Barely.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Eh. Yeah, I guess. Depends on the person. If I care about them it’ll hurt more, but if I don’t, I’ve grown a thicker skin, so it doesn’t hurt as much. 16. Are you going out of town soon?

Planning on it. 17. When was the last time you cried?

During a movie I watched about a beautiful life I will probably never possess.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Of course I have, what kind of question is this? 19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

No. My eye color matches my hair. 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes. My little brother William. 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I am completely uninterested and bored by the life I lead. 22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

Yes, because I don’t think men do that unless they are feeling an emotional attachment. In my experience, when my significant others have stopped doing this, I knew something was up. 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Nope. 24. What are you sitting on right now?

An office chair if you must know. 25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

My friend Emmi. 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

HAHAHA. Need I remind you of my unfortunate dating history? Next question. 27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Greg. 28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes, I do. 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

This turtle neck is from Target. 30. Does anyone hate you?

I hope so, otherwise I’m doing something wrong. 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Usually, but not since moving to Utah. Normally it’s empty wine bottles. 32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Yes I do. Ghost stories are my scary movie preference. 33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Not particularly.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

As much as I would like to erase the past five years, I suppose living those years has made me a stronger, (or some other positive bull shit we tell ourselves). Whatever, I guess. No regrets. 35. Did you have a dream last night?

Yes I did. It was about Greg, actually. I also think my sister was in it, and I was drowning at some point. 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Like, “love”, love? Um. Not recently.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Jesus, at the rate I’m going, probably not. I’ve pretty much lost all hope. If I am lucky enough for that to happen to me, I am eloping.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I know one person does for sure, but there are two others that are sort of on the “meh” scale. One of the two, lives far away from me, and we have a history, but he can’t seem to cough out the words, “I love you” to save his life. The other man is emotionally unavailable, so rather uninterested at the moment. So, sure? Maybe? Obviously, my love life isn’t exactly fulfilling. 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Perhaps, although I wouldn’t presume to think the thoughts are always good, or full of admiration.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

My day yesterday was “just a day”. 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

I would hardly call the end of my former romantic interaction, a “relationship”. That would imply there was trust, love, and safety, to which there was absolutely none. So no. I guess I was in more of a deceitful, selfish, vicious cycle, with a man whom I once, at the very least, considered to be my friend; but who turned out to be nothing more than a dishonorable and scared little boy. 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

Yeah, probably. 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes, and it turns out they were lying through their serotonin soaked tongue. 44. What’s the best part about school?

Becoming exposed to other perspectives and opinions. 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Was the author of these questions in their 40s? 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Of course I did. I used to stick handmade letters in people’s lockers. 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Sometimes, but I noticed it was making me extremely anxious, so now I just let memories fade. What’s the point of recalling something that is just going to hurt you? 48. Were you single over the last summer?

If I had known better, I would have been. 49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No. It’s better in some ways, worse in others. 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Working. 51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?

Eh. Hate is a strong word, but I’m rather unimpressed with him at the moment. 52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be. 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes. Three times. My ex husband, a former client, and my last boyfriend. 54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes. I do. I’ve done it. 55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

If I don’t want you to know something, you fucking absolutely will not know it. 56. Do you think you like someone? Skipping this question.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?

Um, probably. Can you tell I’m really invested in remembering this info? 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

Girls. Boys just cause problems. They’re experts at blurry lines.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?

Too many, probably. 60. Do you hate anyone?

With how cynical I am being while answering these questions, would you honestly believe me if I said no? Of course, I do. 61. How’s your heart? It’s good, despite how I may feel about it lately. 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

** skips question **

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?

I prefer to think about the moments I burned their photographs and threw out their things.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?

Most likely my parents, a few ex friends I’ve pissed off, my ex boyfriend, and my ex producer. Guess what, though? I could literally care less. 65. Are your toenails painted pink?

No, want to paint them? 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?

With my luck? Probably. 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?

Eh. Makes me sad, actually. I don’t like watching people cry. 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

No, and if they have, I obviously don’t remember. 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

No idea. 70. How do you look right now?

Annoyed by this stupid question. 71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?

My friend Kelli is pretty wonderful, she lets me be myself apologetically. 72. Can you commit to one person?

Yeah, if someone would fucking let me. 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Nope. 74. Have you ever felt replaced?

Does my ex husband running off with a 19 year old twat, count?

75. Did you wake up cranky?

I wake up sad. 76. Are you a jealous person?

Jealous, no. Motivated, sure. 77. Are relationships ever worth it?

THAT IS THE ULTIMATE QUESTION, ISN’T IT? 78. Anyone you’re giving up on?

My sister, and male “friends” who aren’t really interested in being my friend at all. 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?

Sure. The man in my brain that doesn’t actually exist in real life. 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Wake up. 81. Last person you cried in front of? A rather new acquaintance. I started crying when a certain song played, but I don’t think he noticed. 82. Is there someone you will never forget? A Thai female escort I met while working as a stripper in Los Angeles. She had the purest heart I had ever known. She was working so she could send money to her family. 83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?

I highly doubt it. 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Being held and feeling like I’m wanted / needed, would be a lovely change of pace. 85. Are you over your past? This questionnaire has proven that to NOT be the case. 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Yup. This question is boring. Next. 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Yeah, my friend Emmi. 88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? God, no fucking way. My first love was an absolute loser. I deserve way better. Same goes for my first boyfriend, and husband for that matter. No. Thanks. 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

** shrugs ** that is the most unlikely thing that could ever occur. 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Oh, you mean my ex husband? 91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?

GOD, RUB IT IN WHY DON’T YOU. 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?

Funny you should mention that . . . 93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?

I’m sure I have.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Um, no. 95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

I was falling in love with him. 96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

Unfortunately. 97. Who do you have texts from?

Who do you have texts from? Snoop. 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Big surprise, there! Have fun with that, and good luck!” 99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes. 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? Nobody. 101. Ever kissed under fireworks?

No. I doubt I ever will. 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?

Of course, but that feeling is few and far between these days.

#questions #100 questions #get to know me #get to know the blogger #get to know you #creepy #creepy questions

2 notes · View notes

billnoncipher · 7 years

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Bound . . . and Determined

Written for Wendip Week 2017. Prompt: “Handcuffed together.” Lightly crosses with the Harry Potter universe.

By William Easley

"Allow me to be quite clear," the Minister for Magical Law Enforcement told Dr. Mason Pines and his wife Dr. Wendy Pines. "If it were solely up to me, I wouldn't have called you in at all. However, the homeowner in question is an American—as well as a highly-qualified witch—and has requested your aid specifically."

"We understand that, Mrs.—uh, I'm sorry, how should we address you?" Dipper asked.

"Minister is the preferred term. However, as we are in the same line of work, 'HG' will do.""

"Thanks, HG," Wendy said. "I'm Wendy, and you can call my husband Dipper."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's a code name," Dipper said smoothly. "Now—this client—"

"Mrs. Abigail Merriwether," the Minister said, picking up her glasses to read from a memo. "Formerly of Salem, Massachusetts, has lived in the UK for, let's see, ten years, suspects there is an unfriendly ghost in her home." She put the memo down. "Please understand, Mrs. Merriwether's husband Hugh is a mu—a non-magical person. For reasons of her own, she prefers that he not know of her special talents."

"If she's a witch," Wendy said, "couldn't she handle a ghost?"

"Ah, but this is not an ordinary ghost," the Minister said with a smile. "Here is a card with the address for you. However, I shall have a car take you there. Exorcize the phantom, and the Ministry will pay your expenses. Now, as to fee—"

"No fee," Dipper said. "Consider it a case of international cooperation."

"Well," the Minister said. "Isn't that nice." Before they left her office, she seemed to thaw a bit. "Do you know," she said, glancing at Wendy, "I just realized you remind me a bit of my sister-in-law. She's a ginger, too."

"Really."

"Yes, and quite a nice woman. Well, is there anything else you require."

"If it's not too much trouble," Wendy said, "since we had to fly on a commercial airline, I would like to request something that I wasn't allowed to carry aboard."

"And that would be?"

"An axe," Wendy said. "I've looked at British axes, and I would prefer an Eversteel 3000 felling axe, 85 centimeter handle, 1.75 kilogram head."

The Minister frowned a little as she wrote that down. "Why do you need this to take care of a ghost?"

"I believe," Wendy explained, "that every woman should carry an axe. Oh, and I'll need a Handleman leather scabbard, too, with bandolier harness. I won't be taking them back to America, so I'll return them to you when this job is over."

"I'm sure we'll find some use for them," the Minister said. "The Armory will send out for your, ah, implement. They're quite efficient. Be ready to leave in an hour."

"How is it?" Dipper asked as the self-driving car let them out at the curb—kerb, whatever—in a reasonably suburban stretch outside of Metropolitan London. The houses here were miniature estates, most of them brick, standing in spacious grounds—say half an acre or more each.

Wendy moved her shoulders. "It's OK. It'll do. But it's like British food. Not quite the same."

He told the car, "We'll call when we've finished." The car did not respond verbally, but purred away.

"Quite a house," Wendy said.

"More like quite a tower with a little house built onto it," Dipper replied. The brick cottage looked cozy, but adjoining it on the right was a massive three-storied tower with a round observatory-like dome, looking completely out of place, as if it had wandered there from one of the castles dotting the English landscape and had settled down for a snooze. Surrounding the spacious yard was an eight-foot-tall fence of black wrought-iron.

"Let's see if our client is in," Dipper said. He pressed the call button on the left pillar of the wrought-iron gate.

A moment later, a hologram of a thin, gray-haired man in a pale blue blazer and a dark bow tie appeared. "Yes?" He had a British accent, even with just that one word.

Dipper smiled. "Hello, sir. Are you Mr. Merriwether?"

"I am."

"I'm Mason Pines, and this is my wife Wendy, sir. We're former students of Dr. Merriwether's, and when we let her know we'd be vacationing in London, she asked us to visit. May we speak to her?"

"Ah—sorry, she's not home yet. But yes, I recall her saying something about visitors. Just a moment, I'll buzz you in."

The gate clacked, they went inside and up to the door, where the man stood, having just opened it. "Please come in, young people. Would you care for tea?"

Dipper glanced at Wendy. "No, thank you, sir. When will your wife be home?"

"Oh, any time, any time. Would you care to wait for her in her little workshop? She most often takes her guests there."

"That will be fine," Dipper said.

"This way, then." He pottered around, opened a door, said, "No, pantry, lose my own head next," and then found the right one, a stairway leading down. "She says it's cool in the cellar," he said. Go along, go along, I'll follow. Not so spry on the steps as I used to be, you know."

They descended and the first thing Dipper thought was It's like the Shack—more cellar than house!

The second was It's a trap! Against the wall near the stair was a workbench with carpentry tools on a pegboard—but the rest of the cellar was a cellar, stacked with tidy piles of odds and ends, with wiring and pipes hanging from the overhead joists. No workshop.

He spun, Wendy caught his flash of thought, and she reached for her axe.

"Ah-ah!" The man stood on the stairway, holding a wand. "Now, I cannot kill you—yet. But I can't have you inconveniencing me as I question Mrs. Merriwether, so pleasant dreams!" He waved the wand and things turned black.

Well, when you think it's a ghost, you don't go into the fight prepared to battle an evil wizard. "We should've brought Mabel, dude," Wendy said, rattling the chain that held them together.

"Even if she weren't pregnant, I'm not sure that would have helped," Dipper told her.

Here they were, in the basement, stripped to their underwear and handcuffed together.

With magical handcuffs, the chain behind a floor-to-ceiling pipe. The space between the pipe and the wall was maybe eight inches—too narrow to squeeze through.

"What did he do with our clothes?" Dipper asked. "Did you see?"

"Nope," Wendy said. "Last thing I remember, he flicked that stick at us, and boosh! Here we were, stripped down and chained up. Any ideas?"

Dipper looked up. "Well, these may be magical handcuffs, but the pipe's an ordinary three-inch water pipe. Think we can climb it?"

"Dude, this is Lumberjack Girl you're talkin' to. I can climb it. What about you?"

"I'll do my best."

They were not ordinary handcuffs—the chain was about a foot long. On one hand, that gave them a little freedom of movement. On the other, it didn't give them all that much. They had to climb practically wrapped around each other, facing each other, with the pipe between them. "Yes!" Dipper said after they had nearly reached the top, eight feet from the floor. "Look! The pipe makes an L-bend! If we can loop the chain over the horizontal run—"

"We can get to the wall over there—"

"And maybe you can reach down to the tool bench with your toes—"

"And snag the hacksaw hanging there! And then we can saw through the chain!"

"Maybe!"

A few things stood in their way, though. Or, more accurately, hung in their way: three equally-spaced hanger straps, about four feet apart, that supported the horizontal run of the old pipe, perforated metal bands that hammocked the pipe and then were screwed to the joists overhead.

The pipe sagged with their weight, though, and because the house was an old house and the plumbing was aged and the straps had been manufactured in Birmingham, UK, in 1919, when there was a steel shortage, the first one snapped.

And that rendered the question of the hacksaw moot, because without its support the pipe gave way, too, and broke free from the upright. And water gushed from the upright in a soaking shower.

"Dude, it's cold!" Wendy complained as they staggered through falling water.

"At least it wasn't a sewage drain," Dipper yelled. They sloshed over to the tool bench, where Wendy grabbed the hacksaw and, after a moment's hesitation, Dipper picked up a hand sledge, a five-pound hammer. They hurried to the stairs, where Wendy sawed at the chain.

"Any progress?" Dipper yelled. "The basement's flooding pretty fast!"

"Yeah!" Wendy said. "I've worn all the teeth off the saw! What's wrong with you?"

"Your bra's so wet," Dipper said, "that's it's pretty, uh, translucent."

"Right now, we got other worries. Let's see if he locked the door."

The evil magician had not. "Come on, dude," Wendy said. "We have to find him."

"I know where he'll be," Dipper told her. "The tower room. Under the dome. Way up at the top. He locked us up as low as he could because he was going high."

"Figures," Wendy said. "Wish I knew what the son of a witch did with my axe!"

"I got it figured out," Dipper said. "The lady who thought it was a ghost was really being harassed by this guy—bet you he's not Mr. Merriwether at all. Somehow, he got past her defenses and got in, and now he may be torturing her."

"Let's go, dude!"

They found the tower and the spiral staircase leading up. They crept up on still-damp bare feet. They heard angry voices from the top. They paused outside the door. Dipper held up the hand sledge and whispered his intent.

"Could work," Wendy whispered. "But we gotta get all the way inside!"

"See if the door's locked."

It wasn't. From the room, they heard a woman's angry voice: "You can kill me, but you'll still never learn where it is!"

"There are worse things than killing!"

"Now," Dipper said, and they stepped through the door.

The wizard jerked around. He had tied a woman to a chair and had been menacing her with his wand. Now, his face furious, he raised the wand and began to yell, "Avada—"

"Go!" Wendy yelled. She stepped away from Dipper. They jerked their arms forward. They had hooked the sledge hammer over the chain by the head. They hurled it forward, as if they were a human slingshot.

The wizard was unable to finish whatever spell he'd started because a heavy hand sledge-hammer hurtling at the speed of 75 miles per hour tends to make enunciation difficult the moment it knocks out all your front teeth and renders you unconscious.

"The wand!" the woman shouted. "Get the wand!"

Dipper and Wendy ran forward, she scooped it up, and she asked, "Now what?"

"Give it to me and I'll unbind these ropes," she said. It was difficult, because her hands were behind her, but she twitched the wand and said, "Solvite!" The ropes dropped away.

Then she tied up the still-unconscious man. "Thank you," she said. "You are the young Americans my friend Dr. Pines recommended?"

"Wendy and Mason Pines," Dipper said.

"Why are you naked? That's a nice little navel ring you're wearing, Mrs. Pines."

"Thanks," Wendy said. "It was sort of my first wedding ring!"

"He stripped our clothes off," Dipper said. "Hit us with a spell that left us in our underwear and put these cuffs on us. Down in the basement."

"This is Makoto," Mrs. Merriwether said. "British, of course. Good thing, I suppose. If he were American, like us, he probably would have vanished your underclothing, too. He is seeking—well, never mind, a magical object, and if he found it, he could kill anyone, anywhere, without fear of retribution. Now the wizard court will deal with him."

"Um—your basement is filling up with water," Wendy said. "We had to break a pipe to get free."

"Hm." The woman went to a table and picked up a slimmer wand. "This is my own," she said. "It obeys me much better than Makoto's does. Speaking of which—" she snapped his wand in half. "That will take care of him!"

She waved the wand and spoke a rapid-fire series of spells: Restituo! Harefacio! Operiemur! Nothing visible happened, but she smiled and said, "There, all repaired, all dried, and we should find your clothes downstairs. Just a second now." Then she materialized a phone, made a quick call, and asked, "What's the time, Mr. Pines?"

"I suppose it's about noon," he said. "My watch is gone, too."

"Oh, of course. Well, we have to wait just a few moments—ah, no we don't, they are here."

With little flashes of air, three men in robes appeared. "Hello, Abbie!" one of them said. "What's the row—bloody hell! Hello, Miss!"

"Ronald," Mrs. Merriwether said firmly, "I told the Ministry Makoto would try! Here he is. Take him away and remember—you are married!"

"She's beautiful, though," the man said with a grin. "All right boys, let's take this scrote in custody!" The other two grabbed the still-unconscious Makoto and they all four vanished.

"Come," Mrs. Merriwether said, tucking her wand away somewhere in her dress. "My husband will be home in a matter of minutes, and he doesn't know about any of this. And he mustn't."

Their clothing lay in a heap in front of the cellar door. "But we can't get dressed until you take off these handcuffs," Wendy said.

"There is a problem," she confessed. "This is a dark spell, and only the man who cast it can take it off. However, I've broken his wand, and he will not be permitted to use magic again anytime soon."

"Then we're stuck like this?" Dipper asked. "Me in shorts, and my wife in—what she has on?"

"No, no," Mrs. Merriwether sighed. "There are ways, but they take time. The fastest—well, no, it costs too much."

"What?" Wendy asked.

"Well—there is a payment. You see, each person has a defined lifespan, and except for magic, it cannot be extended. We can't predict what our time is or foresee the future, but let's say one of you will live for another, oh, fifty years, and the other for sixty. A demonstration of commitment will vanish the handcuffs. If you agreed to blend your lifespans—then one of you will gain five years of life, but the other will lose the same amount of time, and you would both pass on in fifty-five years, at the same moment. But as I say, we never know. Suppose one of you has only two years, the other eighty! That's a terrible price."

Dipper took Wendy's hand and looked her in the eyes. Their chain jangled. They both smiled.

"Do it," they said together.

Later that week, Dipper said, "Well, it's five years late, but we finally got our honeymoon!" They were standing in front of Hexcombe Priory, a ruin that once had been the most haunted spot in England. It had a lot more history than the Mystery Shack, and the tour had been interesting, but Grunkle Stan could have made it more fun.

"And I got my axe back," Wendy said. "Shame I couldn't keep it. It had a really nice balance!"

"Well, now I know what to get you for our next anniversary," Dipper said. They kissed. He stroked her lovely, long red hair. "Do you regret what we did?"

She grinned, wrinkling her nose. "Nope. You?"

"Actually," he said, "I'd never thought about it before—but to live our lives together and leave them together—that might have been something I would have wished for."

"So love still binds us together," Wendy said, squeezing his hand. "For life and afterward."

They kissed, and Dipper whispered, "Always and forever."

The End

#wendip-week #gravity falls #wendy corduroy dipper pines #hermione granger #wendip #william easley

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marketingcourse-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Digital Marketing Course

Digital Marketing Made Simple: A Step-by-Step Guide

Digital marketing. Just another one of those new, fancy buzzwords you should use to sound smart in meetings or is it the real deal?

Maybe a better question is: What is it?

This digital marketing guide will show you what’s what.

First popularized as a term in the early 2000’s, digital marketing has actually been around much longer.

Like, WAY longer. About 100 years longer, to be exact.

Here’s a pic of the first digital marketer in history:

(Image source:

His name: Guillermo Marconi.

What? Marconi?

Yup. In 1896 he was the first human to demonstrate a, “public transmission of wireless signals.”

This dude invented the radio.

Shortly after his little demonstration in England, mores signals were transmitted across open water.

And, while it would take another 10 years for the radio to reach the general public, it sure didn’t take the creators long to realize they could use it to sell stuff.

The first live broadcast was from an opera performance at the Met and guess what people did after it?

They bought show tickets!

Digital marketing strategy was born.

I bet you’re surprised. I didn’t mention smartphones, apps, Facebook ads or blogs at all.

That’s because digital marketing has nothing to do with the internet.

Definition

As usual, Wikipedia does a crappy job at explaining: Digital marketing is an umbrella term for the targeted, measurable and interactive marketing of products or services using…

Ugh!

I want an easy definition that I can remember! Here’s one: Digital marketing is any form of marketing products or services that involves electronic devices.

That’s the reason it has been around for decades (because electronics have) and why it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with content marketing, Google ads, social media or re targeting.

Digital marketing can be done both online and offline.

And, both kinds matter for a well-rounded digital marketing strategy.

Why digital marketing matters

Remember billboards?

I do.

As a young kid in California, my experiences from the back seat of our car mostly alternated between: “Mom, when are we there?” and “Uh, look, McDonald, can we go?”, whenever one of those 10 foot billboards popped up on the side of the road.

Growing up with Indian parents, the answer to both of those would, most times, be the same: “Not yet.”

Sometimes, big brands would even start a billboard war, like this one between Audi and BMW, which got quite a few laughs:

(Image source: BMW blog)

In 2015, a ton of my clients still spent hundreds of millions of dollars on billboard advertising.

Unfortunately or fortunately, it’s dead.

The reason why billboards, like the ones above, die, is perfectly illustrated in a single picture of a Volvo.

Because, frankly, the future of driving will look like this:

Not a single passenger will spend their time looking at the road.

Do me a favor, the next time you drive and are giving a friend a ride, take a peek at the passenger seat.

Just for a second.

Even now, chances are they’ll be looking at their phone.

Heck, in a world where 9% of all drivers are on the phone one way or the other (texting or calling), at any given moment during daylight hours, how can we think billboards have a future?

If not even the driver is looking at the road any more, who’s supposed to see those advertisements?

And, that’s not even considering self-driving cars, on which both Apple and Google are working (you know it’s going to happen).

Elon Musk suggests that they’ll be here around 2020. That’s in only a few years.

That means you don’t have much time to figure out this digital marketing stuff before you can power down your old school printing press and close up shop.

The share of people spending more time using electronic devices is only going up from here.

With Americans spending 11+ hours on electronic devices, every single day, there’s not much left. That is, until we spend ALL of our time in the digital world.

And, while yes, online marketing is the reason that 25 year olds can now sit in their living room and earn 2 million dollars a year playing video games, offline marketing still has its place.

Let’s take a helicopter and circle around to get an overview.

Overview

The 2 main pillars of digital marketing are online marketing and offline marketing. That said, since I’ll talk about online marketing in a separate guide, I’ll only mention the different areas of online marketing here, for the sake of completeness.

The 7 big categories of online marketing are:

Search engine optimization (SEO)

Search engine marketing (SEM)

Content marketing

Social Media Marketing (SMM)

Pay-per-click advertising (PPC)

Affiliate marketing

Email marketing

Bounce created a great info graphic that sums up all kinds of online marketing in one neat chart.

(Image source: Unbounce)

The beginner’s guide to online marketing, on Quick Sprout, is a great place to get started.

Okay, that said, what other digital marketing is there? There’s plenty, actually.

Here are the 4 big categories of digital offline marketing.

First, there’s what I call enhanced offline marketing. This is a form of marketing that is entirely offline, but enhanced with electronic devices.

For example, if your restaurant uses iPads for your customers to create their orders on, then the offline experience of say, eating Thai food, is enhanced with this electronic device.

People have been using digital media to enhance their marketing for decades (you’ve only forgotten in what ways, as you’ll see).

(Image source: San Diego Tribune)

Next, there’s radio marketing. The next time you hear an annoying, over-enthusiastic car dealer shout every word of his or her commercial, thank Mr. Marconi.

Of course, we can’t forget television marketing. TV ads have been around for more than half a century (and since 1953 also in color, nationwide – Yes, there was a time before color TV).

Finally, the biggest and fastest growing area of offline marketing, with admittedly also a lot of flops, busts and failures: phone marketing.

Let’s look at the 4 areas in more detail.

Enhanced offline marketing

What’s the difference between a billboard somewhere in the desert of Arizona and a billboard in New York City’s Times Square?

The size? The product?

3 letters: LED. Light emitting diodes.

All of the billboards in Times Square are electronic!

(Image source: Adweek)

Why? Because in the desert of Arizona, no one’s competing with you for people’s attention. If you have a billboard at all, you win.

But, in Times Square, attention is probably more valuable than anywhere else in the world. Over 330,000 people cross through it each day.

If you want to be distracted, there’s buses, taxis, promoters shouting and then, of course, the electronic billboards.

Some of them are even interactive, showing live feeds of the people on the square or pictures of customers.

Renting a billboard space on Times Square, for a year, will set you back a whopping $1,000,000 to $4,000,000.

Sounds expensive? Wait until you hear the prices for Super Bowl commercials.

What other forms does enhanced offline marketing take?

What do you see when you walk into an Apple Store these days?

(Image source: Wikipedia)

People leaning over i Pads, Mac books and i Phones.

If you have any type of electronic product, any product demo is an important part of your digital marketing strategy.

Okay, the next one’s a good one. If you remember this, you can consider yourself an extremely lucky kid:

(Image source: Emuparadise)

This is a demo disc for the original PlayStation and several of these were handed out with other games or sometimes even magazines.

It was the same with PC magazines. Remember when they came with CDs (and later DVDs) and you couldn’t wait to throw them into your disk drive and see what samples were on them?

A little different than a demo, these are product samples in digital format.

People still do this. Think of all the wannabe rappers or rockers in your hometown, handing out mix tapes and CDs and now probably USB sticks, to get you to listen to their music.

Alright, time to take a look at the category of digital marketing that’s probably been around the longest.

Radio marketing

Over 100 years have passed since that original first live broadcast of the opera performance at the Met and guess what – radio is still here.

Since radio did fairly well in transitioning to the internet, it hasn’t taken as big of a hit as TV. And, even old school radio still matters.

Some facts:

Radio still reaches 85% of the US population every week

Listeners listen 2 hrs per day, on average

40% of all radio advertising expenses worldwide comes from the US

About half the population of the US listens to internet radio at least once a month

Now, while profits have shrunk, radio isn’t dead. Thanks to Pandora’s 80 million users, there are still about $4 billion in profits made each year.

But, aside from creating a kick ass, creative radio commercial that will do well, what else is there?

Recently, internet radio made a good move, doing what most podcasts do:advertise at the beginning of shows.

If you host a show revolving around a certain topic, like coaching, you can plug programs and products in, right before and at the end of the show.

Since social media is the marketing darling these days, it should be fairly easy tofind a local radio station, get on a show, be interviewed or negotiate a deal with them.

Once you do, be sure to get some sponsorships, to make sure that you’re a prime candidate for the station and that they give you the premium slot and the best air time possible.

In most cases, doing well on radio means being entertaining.

Cadillac and Dairy Queen are two brands that come up with solid radio commercials on a consistent basis.

You can listen to some examples here.

TV marketing

Television marketing is such a Goliath, it’ll likely never go away. It’s also easily the industry where the most money is burned each year.

Ever since Google Video turned into YouTube, the efficiency of TV ads has gone down rapidly.

Who wants to watch a crappy MTV show host review a game that they have no clue about, when they can join 40 million subscribers (!) watching PewDiePie not only rock video games, but also deliver hilarious comments.

All, free of charge, of course.

So, why are TV commercials nearly worthless, when the average American still watches 4 hours of TV each day?

They aren’t specific.

TV ads are unspecific. In a world of search engines, re targeting, social media and email marketing, we are so used to being marketed around products we already care about, that we blatantly ignore everything that’s not remotely relevant to us.

If we can even be bothered to watch a movie on TV, because it’s not yet on Netflix,a company making $5 billion in revenue annually by now, then what do we do?

We record it and we fast forward through all of the commercials.

We’re used to being in total control.

Marketers have to be smarter and smoother.

TV commercials just hit everyone across the board.

You could see a hemorrhoid cream commercial, followed by an Oreo ad and a burger spot, all while being overweight, diabetic and 22 years old.

Such a person would be a horrible target to be viewing these ads. But, with TV, you never know who you’re going to reach, only how many eyeballs you’ll get.

So, apart from a few insomniacs who watch infomercials late at night, ensuring that Dr. Ho still sells a few of his de-compression belts, is TV advertising dead?

Not entirely.

There is still one type of TV ad worth running, but it’ll cost ya.

Remember I mentioned that renting a billboard in Times Square, for a year, will set you back a million?

A 60 second commercial aired during the Super Bowl costs $4.5 million.

Thanks to their cross-pollinating effect, the often viral and memorable commercials still pay for themselves.

Roughly 10% of all TV commercial-related shares on social media come from Super Bowl ads. So do about 8% of all views on Youtube that go to TV commercial videos.

If your commercial makes it to the blacklist (commercials the network decides can’t be shown on TV), the viral effect is usually even stronger, like this one, from Carl’s Junior, that caused a lot of noise this year:

(damn you, Charlotte McKinney)

Super Bowl commercials have the highest retention rate, as this infographic shows. Over half of the participants who were asked remembered the Budweiser “Puppy Love” commercial.

What’s more, these commercials become online assets, generating millions of views over time, such as the famous Star Wars commercial by Volkswagen, which has generated 62 million views, to date.

#Digital Marketing Course #Digital Marketing Certificate #Digital Marketing Institute

0 notes

fueltheroots · 6 years

Text

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

A butthead. Muah.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on the situation. I enjoy going out and doing things, but I also have social anxiety. Basically any time I have plans I have to give myself a mental pep talk and spend the next few days recovering.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

A butthead.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I think so. If you’re good at handling sarcasm and dry humor.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yes. They already have.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Those who try and find the good in others.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Not outwardly.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

I have a feeling “butthead” is going to mentioned a lot in these questions.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Not really. I may be awkward about it sometimes, but I don’t feel uncomfortable.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Yep. Butthead is definitely going to be mentioned a lot in these.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Shushkiss*

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

This changes constantly. I’ll just list the ones I’ve listened to more than once the past couple of days.

Time In A Bottle. Sympathy For The Devil. Big Rocky Candy Mountain. All My Tears. I Fought The Law.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

God, yes.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe everything happens for a reason. Even if we don’t quite understand what that reason is.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I adopted a cat who is as weird as I am?

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Every morning. Every afternoon. Every evening. Every night. Forever.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it’s naive to think we’re the only life out there.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

A bit too much.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

They’re alright ;)

21. What are you bad habits?

I can be oblivious about important matters. I procrastinate. Opening texts, getting busy, and never responding. Overplaying songs I discover until I can’t stand them. Not having a normal eating schedule.

22. Where would you like to travel?

Anywhere and everywhere I can. Want to see the great parks of the U.S. Then travel to countries of my heritage.

23. Do you have trust issues?

I think most people do. It’s something I’m consistently working on. Trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, until they give me reason not to.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Mornoons.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

I try not to focus on judging my body too much. It’ll age and looks will fade with time for everyone. Guess if I had to say I’d say fingers. Short and stubby.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Stare at my ceiling trying to motivate myself to get up.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

It’s skin. It’s doing its job. I do not care about what color it is.

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Butthead. And my furbabies. Both have seen and know too much.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Pretty much all of them have tried to get me back with me at some point. Always makes me feel guilty. You can’t force yourself to love someone though.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

I use to want that. Complicated now.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Nope. I can’t pull off a ponytail even when it is long enough for one anyway.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Ew. No.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Gabbav

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Use to. Softball, soccer, flag football, etc. Now I enjoy longboarding and occasional volleyball.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. Music saves me.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Who hasn’t?

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Something to make it more awkward.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Butthead. Thankful to say they’re not a dream.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

2nd & Charles, Mr. K’s used bookstore, any antique shop I can find.

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Bahahaha. Clearly I am too old for this website. You youngins.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I think you can forgive someone, but I also think its perfectly fine to remove that person from your life if they’re toxic for you.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

Usually overthinking or daydreaming.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Probably a creepily amount.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

I’ve seen pictures of what can lurk at the bottom of some oceans.. I’ll take space.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Needing a paycheck, usually. Or letting my dogs out.

46. What are you paranoid about?

I don’t want to think about it.

47. Have you ever been high?

Yes.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yes.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I don’t think so?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Green.

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

When I was younger. I’ve grown comfortable with who I am.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My tendency to overthink.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I’m not big in makeup. I only wear it when I want to prevent looking like death itself.

54. Favourite store?

2nd & Charles. All the blu-rays!

55. Favourite blog?

Don’t have one.

56. Favourite colour?

Green.

57. Favourite food?

Hibachi, probably. Pizza is a close second.

58. Last thing you ate?

Chicken biscuit from chick fil a.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

I didn’t.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

4th grade Orange County Schools essay. 5th grade county choir show. Honestly I couldn’t tell you the official names of these. I forget they happened.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope. Goody two shoes.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope. Been driven in the back of a cop car across state lines, though.

63. Ever been in love?

Still am. First.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Was a boy who lived in the neighborhood across from mine. We were always good friends. We were under a light post in my neighborhood at night. We were talking about first kisses. I said I hadn’t had mine. Few minutes later I looked away at something, he said my name, I turned to look at him and he landed one on me. Then the lightpost turned on and he said “Well it’s not fireworks, but..” I think I was 13 at the time. 9th grade. I wasn’t too happy about it at first, because I liked someone else, but in the end I was happy it was with him because we remained friends for years and the other guy ended up being a lot of drama.

65. Are you hungry right now?

No. I should be.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I don’t really have any. I rarely talk to people on here. I’m bad at responding to messages. Any friends I have in real life are coworkers really.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

No.

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Eh. I’d really only consider one person to be my best friend. Who’d I want to share everything with and talk to constantly. lwwnm

71. Craving something? What?

Time with butthead. Always.

72. What colour are your towels?

Blue.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Four. I usually sleep on one, hold the other or lay my arm under it, and the other two are just to separate my head from my wall. Decorative.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No. I sleep with real animals. And a hat.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Maybe two? One I just got this past Wednesday from a claw machine when I went to Sparetime. The other is Yoshi from Nintendo that my brother gave me years ago. They’re both in my closet.

75. Favourite animal?

My favorite animal is a Moxie. You’d understand if you met her. Honestly though, I couldn’t choose between cats and dogs. It’s a different kind of love.

76. What colour is your underwear?

I’m in the tub currently. It’d be pretty odd to be wearing underwear now.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

I use to love Strawberry Cheesecake from Ben & Jerry’s. I rarely eat ice cream nowadays.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Again. In the tub.

80. What colour pants?

Okay well BEFORE THE TUB— wait no I wasn’t wearing any pants then either.

81. Favourite tv show?

Either Frasier or The Nanny. I can binge watch the heck out of those.

82. Favourite movie?

Can’t decide.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

There was a Mean Girls 2?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Didn’t see 21 Jump Street. Show or movie.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

I don’t know? I really don’t put this much thought into that movie.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Probably Peach. Sassy little starfish. “That was the shortest red light I’ve ever seen!”

87. First person you talked to today?

Butthead.

88. Last person you talked to today?

Hopefully butthead. I like to start my days with him and end them with him. Though, it’s not really possible when I work at 6:55AM and they’re asleep. Can’t really avoid talking to coworkers/clients for hours.

89. Name a person you hate?

I don’t hate anyone.

90. Name a person you love?

C. T. C. Butthead. Gorramit. Squashblossom. Turd.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nah. I often want to give someone a pillow whack though.

92. In a fight with someone?

No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Legit sweatpants? One.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Maybe three sweaters. Too many hoodies.

95. Last movie you watched?

The Dirt.

0 notes

imagineclaireandjamie · 8 years

Note

I'm in dire need of a fluffy scene where Claire tries to read the lines on Jamie's palm and she ends up failing miserably.

Liv says: So this isn’t fluff, so to speak—but I hope it’s still fun! Set about 2-3 years before puir Frank the Mailman died in the Three Witches AU. No worries if you haven’t read it. This one stands alone! :)

Intersection: A Three Witches Story

Claire knew this was against coven rules. Like, totally outside the realm of acceptable witch behavior.

To dole out one’s magical talents—particularly at the county fair—was a bit manipulative (in regards to the customers), a bit sad (in regards to Claire). Still, she liked to think she was working for a kind of greater good. Ensuring the happiness of all mankind! And that was almost admirable, wasn’t it? Giving hopeful glimmers of adulthood to the stork-like teenagers, comforting the mopey singletons who trudged around, heads bent? She’d offered such assurances as:

“A new man will come into your life. A handsome one—with a huge prick! His name…I think his name begins with a ‘T’.” (This to the recent divorcee, clutching her naked ring finger like a burn. She hadn’t known what a “prick” was but was no less forthcoming with her money.)

Or this, to the bucktoothed 16-year old picking at his acne scars: “You’ll be the coolest person in college. Captain of the ultimate frisbee team!” He’d been disappointed at that one, enormous chompers clamping over his bottom lip. “Ho ho ho there, young man!” she’d said then. “Ultimate frisbee is cool where you’re going. The coolest cool.” And then he’d smiled, a patchwork of teeth and holes, which Claire hoped someone might find endearing. A nice and wholesome blind girl, maybe.

And then this, to the both of them: “For just $5 more, I can guarantee it! All you have to do is buy this magical rock and carry it with you wherever you go.” Nevermind that said magical rock was actually from Claire’s backyard. Nevermind that several of them were speckled in bird shit. Maybe some cicada guts.

But that was the thing about desperate Mortals. Metaphorically speaking, their whole lives were a succession of bird shit plops and smeared bug guts. So they didn’t even notice when it was covering their $5, not-magical rock.

“Yes please! I’ll take two!” the divorcee had cried, handing Claire a ten dollar bill. (Did she think this would bring two men into her life? Because that’s not how Claire’s bird shit rocks worked.)

“Um. Yeah. That’s sounds pretty sick,” said Beaver Bobby. “I’ll buy a rock.” He’d paid in all quarters but, hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

If her best friend Gillian were here, she would likely call this “an exploitative farce,” two terms she would’ve picked up from her beloved Word of the Day calendar.

“Claire,” she would hiss, “this is such an exploitative (Wednesday’s word) farce (last Friday’s word).” And then she’d pull out her Moleskin, update her word count with a self-satisfied tick. Her record, she claimed, was sixty words in a single morning, and Claire imagined a horrible plague descending upon their town, zombifying everyone until they could only grunt “verisimilitude.” Gillian thought an expanded vocabulary made her smarter but, really, it just increased her smart-assedness to a barely tolerable level.

Luckily, Gillian wasn’t here to offer one of her impressive synonyms because she’d bailed on their plans. If Claire could place money on it—and she couldn’t, with only $7 to her name, the very reason for this “manipulative/sad/exploitative farce”—Gillian was protesting GMO’s one county over. Perhaps arguing for the rights of beluga whales. Or, and this was the most likely, she was loitering at the Creamy Whip, breasts thrust at a very specific angle so that customers’ cones would find their shirts and not their mouths.

Psh! Now if that wasn’t an “exploitative farce” then Claire didn’t know what was. Gillian had mosquito bite boobs and a push-up bra more magical than her own powers.

But here was the thing: Claire wasn’t completely faking it. She wasn’t, so to speak, wearing a bra with three inches of padding. She could read palms, see futures unfurl, weblike, across strangers’ skins. Forks, divots, complex branches—each had such a distinct voice, that Claire had no doubt as to whether or not, say, Mr. Duncan over there would choke on a hot dog and die very suddenly. Or whether young Malva—that girl with the cotton candy and ruffled socks—would pop out a kid by the time she was 17. Claire, being a witch, knew precisely what would befall her clients by simply looking at their hands.

But of course, teenage pregnancy and death by synthetic meat logs weren’t exactly good for customer satisfaction. And so Claire would read Mr. Duncan’s palm, and she would see Mr. Duncan’s red face, gasping on a particularly troublesome bit of hot dog, but say he’d live until he was 85. A little white lie for a happy client. And a happy client meant A) money, B) a potential second visit, and thus C) more money. The $5 rocks weren’t scams, just for-profit business cards.

So she was lying, but not, y’know, totally lying. She’d deal with the prevention of hot dog-induced deaths later, when it better benefitted her monthly budget. (Because just as she wasn’t a complete liar, she wasn’t a complete asshole either.)

The fair had died down to a trickling of stragglers: mostly drunks, a couple of junkies who’d staggered into Nayawenne County for cheap-rate smack. Sighing, Claire stood to begin packing up, turned off the moody sound effects, gathered Gillian’s stack of Tarot cards (all hand-painted variations of herself: man Gillian; tree Gillian; Gillian with bigger-than-mosquito-bite boobs).

In the five hours since Claire had arrived, she’d made $120. Not a terrible turnout if one compared it to last year’s fair, when an angry swarm of Bible-thumpers had tossed her earnings into the funnel cake fryer. Sally Bain—or, as Claire called her, Sally Bane-of-Her-Existence—had rallied her troop of Jesus warriors and thrust crucifixes into Claire’s face, chanting things like, “Begone Satan!” and “This is God’s land!”

Which was kind of funny when you thought about it. If God wanted to claim ownership of Nayawenne—out of every other place in the universe—then he was pretty damn stupid.

Fortunately, Claire had suffered no further Bible-thumping, crucifix-wielding disturbances. Sally Bane-of-Her-Existence had fled town once she’d discovered her husband had fucked the organ player up in the ass. And in the church rectory, no less. (Such irony! Claire’d had absolutely nothing to do with it. Ha.)

It had been a windy afternoon, and Claire’s crystal ball was now coated in a fine layer of dust. Though it was only for decorative purposes—for customer satisfaction!—Claire decided she ought to give it a nice shine, make it look at least halfway capable of revealing visions of tomorrow.

Witch Tip #1: Unbeknownst to Mortals, crystal balls were like kisses from a true love. Which was to say, not powerful in the slightest. The most a kiss could do was give you mouth herpes. And, at its highest power, a crystal ball would fly across a room, break a window and the pinky toe of an irritating significant other. Not that Claire had experience with either situation. Certainly not the mouth herpes.

Claire ripped off a paper towel and went to grab the Windex, only to realize she’d left the Windex at home. Had, by a stroke of poor planning, only brought the herbal tonic she sometimes had to spritz into her eyes when they got a bit cloudy.

Witch Tip #2: Seeing the future had its drawbacks. Your eyes would get all crusty if you did it too much. As if your body was punishing you with goopy morning blindness. Honestly, it was pretty gross.

Well shit, Claire thought. She spat on her hand and rubbed the ball, hoping the couple beside “Whack-A-Democrat” wouldn’t think she was, like, doing something sexual to an inanimate object.

But whatever the couple thought, they were watching her, whispering behind their hands and giving her darting glances. Oh God, Claire thought, Bible-thumper radar blaring. Did Sally Bain send them? Did she organize a sabotage via prayer? Was it possible to raise an army of vengeful Baptists an entire state away? (Claire wouldn’t be surprised. She’d heard of stranger things. Done some of them herself. See also: anally-fucked organ player before he was anally fucked.)

But no, the couple wasn’t looking at Claire with the fury of God in their eyes—but fascination. The woman, a petite but sturdy thing, was shoving her partner in Claire’s direction. Making a not-so-obvious pointing gesture, like, Her. Her! that he seemed somewhat reluctant to obey. Still, he did, and soon he was striding towards Claire, long legs stomping up clouds of dirt dust, red hair matching the synthetic blood of a “whacked” Bill Clinton.

“Are you…” the man began, looking nervously over his shoulder. The woman pursed her lips, arched her brow like, Do it, you pussy. He shoved his hands in his pockets, defeated. “Are ye done for the day, lass?”

“I was just about to pack up, but I’ve time for another reading if you’re interested.”

“Aye…” he said, completely unconvincing. “Aye, I suppose I’m interested.”

“Well then, take a seat, Mr…?”

“Fraser. Jamie.”

He was huge. Like, mega huge. Like, he could probably eat her. He was also ridiculously attractive, which meant that if he did eat her, Claire would ask him to do it again. She most definitely would not mind being inside his mouth.

“So what’s it going to be this evening, Jamie? Tarot? Crystal ball? A pal—”

“My sister says as I should have ye read my palm.”

“Oh! Splendid. Is that your sister back there?”

“Aye, that’s Jenny.” Again, he looked over his shoulder at the woman, her eyes unblinking despite the tidal wave of dust. As if to explain her behavior, he said, “We just moved here from Scotland. Only been in Nayawenne County for a few weeks now.”

“Dear me,” Claire replied, and then cringed. Attractive, mega huge men made her nervous—and sometimes her nerves made her sound like a 50’s housewife. It was a problem, she now realized, she ought to fix. “I mean, like,” she continued, “bloody hell. That’s a long way.”

“Family orders.” He shrugged. “But yer not so close to home yourself. British, by your accent.”

Claire nodded. “I’ve been here for a while now. Packed my bags when I was 20 and moved for…” She floundered for a plausible explanation. “Well. A guy.”

This, like Claire’s palm reading, was not a total lie. She had, indeed, come to America for a man: Ray, one of her classmates, had sought her input on a new enchantment in ‘04. A healing spell—Claire’s specialty —prepared from some rare fungi found in the hills of Appalachia. But Claire had about as many romantic feelings for Ray as she would a toad. Too many all-nighters spent with his warty nose and her (she liked the think) perfectly attractive nose stuck in the same spell book.

She’d stayed, though, after that. Anything—even bumfuck Ohio—was better than going back to England, where every witch wanted to hex her…

But that was a story for another time.

This story, right here, continued with a ripple of concern across Jamie’s face. Claire regarded him, wary, but glad Gillian wasn’t here to ruin their conversation with Words of the Day, beluga whales, or push-up bras. Jamie was, at the moment, only hers.

“He’s out of the picture now,” she said. “The guy, that is.”

“Sorry to hear that. I’m just out of a break-up myself. One of the reasons I was none so unhappy about leaving Scotland.”

“Oh, well…” She looked down as if expecting two beverages to materialize, waiting to be held aloft. Instead, she grabbed her bottle of eye tonic. Lamely spritzed it into the air. “Here’s to being single then!”

“Aye, to being single,” he said, the mist falling slowly between them. Claire had never heard a proper guffaw before, but the sound that came from Jamie’s mouth was what she’d always imagined a guffaw to be. Warm, kinda strange, totally hot.

“So,” she began, getting back on track. “You said your sister put you up to this? Any specific reason for that?”

“Dinna ken,” Jamie replied, smiling a little beneath his (also) perfectly attractive nose. “I dinna question Jenny when she tells me to do something. She’s into this kind of…” He looked at the crystal ball, the cards, the rather tasteless turban sitting lopsided on Claire’s head. “Weel, whatever you call this.”

“How wonderful,” Claire said, giving Jenny another once-over. Adorable, really, when Mortals got caught up in the craft. One minute they were watching Oprah, swallowing her New Age-y drivel, and the next thing they thought they were gods. Practicing divinations, performing séances in the streets with Glade candles and getting hit by Aramark trucks. (She’d read about it in the paper once.)

“Well, I suppose we should get on with it then. Will you open your hand for me? Palm up, please.”

Jamie laid his hand on the table. It, like the rest of him, was huge.

The last man Claire went out with had also had large hands. He’d taken her to the theater and—there was really no other description for it—had swallowed her with his bulk. Sucked her face, handled her boobs like a hungry squirrel might stockpile acorns. She could still taste his buttery-saltiness on her tongue, the little bit of crunched kernel that had slid from between his teeth to the back of her throat. She’d coughed, choking, and when he’d reached to pat her back, he’d decided to take a handful of her tit instead. Just held onto it, leech-like, while the fugitive kernel slowly killed her. (Luckily, his other hand—the one not squeezing her boob—handed her the Diet Coke, and she survived.)

Jamie wouldn’t do that, she thought. His big and gentle hand would pat her back first, then return, lightly graze her tit as if by accident. It would, quite possibly, be the most artful tit-graze in all of human history.

And sitting here, trying to read Jamie’s palm, Claire realized she wanted his hand, right there, quite badly. To have his thumb teasing her nipple through her shirt, maybe traveling a bit lower. Slipping beneath the elastic waistband of her panties, to her crotch, which Louise at Louise’s would’ve waxed just for the occasion. The noises she would make would disturb the other viewers, but Jamie, with those big and gentle hands, would not muffle them.

“D’ye see anything interesting?” Jamie asked now, and the image of his hand on her tit, while fingering her in the 13th row of the Regal Cinema, vanished. Was promptly replaced by worry.

“Well, it’s funny, really…”

The true answer was: nope, nada. Nothing. Not even a flicker of Jamie wrapped around a toilet bowl, vomiting bad cheeseburger on a Saturday night. Jamie Fraser’s palm was like one of those ancient texts she and Ray had pored over, all bizarre hieroglyphs and nonsensical syntaxes. But while they had managed a crude translation, this was something entirely different. Jamie Fraser’s palm, Claire knew, would never reveal its secrets—no matter how hard she tried.

Which was why Claire swooned a little bit, and why Jamie had to reach over to keep her from toppling to the ground. His hand, though it did not brush against that sacred spot of her breast, did find the small of her back, stayed there a touch too long. Through her fog of shock, Claire thought: There’s some sort of time etiquette for this kind of thing, right? A three-second max before it veers from a purely platonic gesture into something kinda sexual?

“That bad was it?” Jamie said, smirking.

“Sorry,” Claire replied, leaning into him. She lingered over his face but found no indication that he was feeling the same way, or even thinking, Blimey! That just veered from a purely platonic gesture into some thing kind of sexual!

“Fine. I’m fine. Peachy keen as they say!” Claire cleared her throat to keep her voice from cracking. “It’s just—your hand is a bit unusual is all. I’ve not seen anything like it.”

“Is ‘unusual’ a good thing or a bad thing?”

Well, Claire thought, that depended on what exactly was being called “unusual”. Because what she was feeling was really fucking unusual, and what she was feeling was a bone-deep, stomach-fluttering ache. Like Cupid had shot his arrow straight up her ass, punctured all her gory insides and skewered her heart like a shish kebab.

“I dunno, really. I guess it means—”

“I’m special?”

“You could say that.” Was she blushing? She was blushing. “Mr. Fraser…”

“Jamie.”

“Right. Jamie. I’m afraid—God, this is a little embarrassing—I can’t actually read your palm. There’s nothing there.” She slid the fiver across the table, feeling too frazzled to consider spinning one of her lies. “These things happen from time to time. I’m, uh, probably just tired. But you can have this back. I won’t take your money.”

“‘Nothing,’ ye said? You didn’t see a thing?”

“Afraid so. Nothing to worry about though. It’s not necessarily a bad omen…It’s—it’s hard to explain.”

For a man being given a very sincere and full refund, Jamie’s face was abnormally pale. The color had drained from his cheeks, and his hands—so incapable of leech-like grabs!—began to tremble. Two crooked fingers beat a nervous rhythm into his pant leg, and he quickly got to his feet.

“Keep the money, lass,” he said, “You can pay me back later.” And if he wasn’t in such a rush, Claire would’ve been able to confirm that she had, in fact, heard him say, “I’ll see you soon, Claire.” That her name wasn’t a tacked-on politeness, but something he’d said with the utmost tenderness.

And if Claire had been an upstanding member of the Coven Coalition— a studious practitioner of spells—she would’ve been able to hear Jenny and Jamie’s conversation from 50 feet away. Instead, she was forced to define Jenny’s smug whoop as if it were Gillian’s Word of the Day.

Jenny’s Smug Whoop (n):

1) a victory celebration, i.e. I told ye so, did I no’?!

2) proof of a mutual understanding of Witch Tip #3, i.e. A witch cannot see her own future (yet another palm-reading glitch). If, for example, Claire read a client’s palm, and her reading was filled with blips of blankness, then she had likely stumbled upon a deep intersection. Or, rather: a point in time where her future and the client’s were so intertwined—beyond family, beyond friendship—that Claire could not see the specific event due to her involvement and the aforementioned glitch.

And so there was one reason—one very momentous reason—that Claire could not read Jamie Fraser’s palm. He had a future, no doubt about it, but every second was marked by a certain curly-haired, British witch. (Refer to: a deep, ongoing intersection.) She, Claire Beauchamp—who was not at all an upstanding member of the Coven Coalition but who would certainly enjoy having those big, gentle hands in her underwear for the rest of her days—was Jamie Fraser’s future. You could, if you were of the romantic persuasion, even say they were soul mates.

The discovery of one’s soul mate has adverse effects on one’s respiratory system, and so Claire found it hard to breathe. She scrambled through her purse, found her flask, and took a hearty pull.

“I take it yer off duty, then?” said an unfamiliar voice. “Claire, is it?”

Claire looked up to find Jenny Fraser, that same smug wash of victory tugging at her eyes.

“Aye, but of course it is. I ken that already.” Jenny cleared her throat, expanded her chest like a sermonizing Sally Bain. “You’re Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, born October 20th, 1989 in Oxford, England. Parents, deceased—verra sorry for yer loss, by the way—and an uncle, missing in action. Yer also currently broke, by the looks of it, which is why yer selling wee pebbles covered in shite.”

Claire, utterly speechless, simply said, “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” through a mouthful of gin.

“Christ, to be sure. Sadly, Mr. FDR is a bit worse for wear. Got a proper skelping back there.”

Claire looked around wildly and found Jamie watching them—albeit, still visibly flustered—by the freshly bludgeoned Roosevelt.

“Did the Coalition send you?” she asked, frantic. “Am I in trouble? Because…Look! I’ll stop selling the bird shit rocks, all right? Just please don’t report me.”

Jenny shook her head, laughing.

“Nay, it’s nothing like that. It’s only—weel, it appears you’ve just confirmed something I’ve suspected for some time now. About you and my brother.”

Witch Tip #4: Magical beings—witches, wizards, fairies, vampires, etc. etc.—are everywhere. The old woman throwing Reese’s Pieces at the ducks could very well be a shapeshifter. Your random client at the county fair could have a witch for a sister.

“If you’re referring to how I couldn’t read Jamie’s palm, then yeah, I—”

But Jenny interrupted, happily offered her hand for shake.

“I’d say that settles it,” she said. “If yer going to make a lovesick fool of my brother, then I think we should be friends, aye?”

#kaitrionabalfe #apologies for the profanity #three witches au #;mod liv #featuring: geillis #featuring: jenny #how many times have i written jamie and claire's first meeting?#TOO MANY FAR TOO MANY

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paxohana · 8 years

Text

Ugh, Pt. 2

Why am I even awake right now?

I got home around 1:30 this morning. Got all the servers transferred with minimal resistance which makes me happy, but oh was I so happy to just be home. I fell asleep a little after 3:00 and woke up to my phone going off at 6:12.

Mom’s texting me. Her interwebs aren’t working. She knows I worked 17 hours yesterday.

Mom lives about two blocks away from me. Sometimes it’s a blessing, especially when I don’t feel like cooking. Other times it’s a curse, like when her internet goes down at 6:12. Dragged my (un)happy ass out of bed and drove to her house. May have smirked at the parents of the little elementary kids waiting for the bus thinking “Yeah, have fun with that.” on the way.

Her modem needed to be reset. She’s lucky she’s my mom. Other residential clients would be hit with a $75 bill for a 30 second job (though I usually mess around with a few wires so they think it’s worth their money lol). Which kinda brings me to my next question? Why does family think they get a freebie when they ask you to do something that is your occupation? She always mentions diapers and potty training when I ask her this. Jeez.

Class starts today. I’m thinking that’s going to be fun. I’m glad I scheduled my classes kinda late. I have days like this way too much, so maybe I’ll have time for a nap. I do want to know what possessed me to take Calculus 3 though. Apparently I’m sadistic as well? But I really am looking forward to Western Civ! I need another elective and I do like history, especially Ancient Greece, Roman Empire and The Renaissance. But Calc? I do like a challenge ;)

So yeah, a little overwhelmed and I get to hang out in a pediatric office all day tomorrow upgrading every single laptop they own. I can only do three at a time also since it’s during normal business hours so it’s going to go kinda slow. I have twenty one (I believe) to upgrade. Maybe I can write a little tomorrow. That would be nice.

I know I’m complaining a lot, but I’m really enjoying life right now. I’m actually comfortable in my own skin and my personality now. I’m a sarcastic, heartless, soulless bitch but I love it. I do care about a few people (very few). I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, it actually kinda makes me laugh. I’ve overcome 85% of my PTSD symptoms. The psychologist thinks the remaining 15 will probably be around for life so I’ll just have to make friends with those demons. The PTSD is pretty much the main reason I’m a jaded individual, but that’s ok! I love my job! It’s demanding, very involved and I want to stab myself in the head with a screwdriver many times, but I have some great clients and have worked on special contracts with some really awesome (ie crazy) people. And I get freebies! The mega law firm? They drew up my will and power of attorney for free. I get an arrangement of flowers from the florist every month. She says she is so grateful to me and I’m one of the best people she’s ever met (boy do I have her fooled). They always have Stargazer lilies in them. She knows I love Stargazers. Every time the chinese restaurant’s pc breaks and I’m called in, I get orange chicken. I pray about every three days that their computer dies. I’m probably going to cry the day their antiquated machine needs to be replaced.

I’m halfway done with my doctorate. I’ll have to start writing my dissertation next year and I’m not looking forward to that, but I’ll deal with it when the time comes. Since I am self-employed and going to school I want to get a jump start on it. I’ve got about three years to go.

I finally go for my Certified Ethical Hacker certification in April. It’s sad when you need a piece of paper to prove you know how to do something when you already know how, but it will open up many more job opportunities. More opportunities equals more mons. More mons equal more junk, particularly video games and anime/manga happiness. I just hope more mons doesn’t equate to more drunken online shopping. We aren’t going to talk about New Year’s Eve.

But yeah, I think this rambling has a point that I want to get across. Here it is:

Life is overwhelming. Life is demanding. Life is difficult. There are times you want to give up. For some there may be times you just want to run and hide or just give up forever. But trust me, it gets better. You’ll make a place for yourself. Eventually you’ll come to be happy with your situation and possibly learn to love yourself. You’ll work hard, you’ll overcome and you’ll start enjoying life. My advice to you? Figure out what is really important in life. REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT. I’m not talking about boyfriends/girlfriends. You need to find happiness in yourself. Become strong. Set your goals and work to them. You’ll find a sense of purpose, achievement and contentedness.

So those are my words of encouragement for this early morning. I hope I’ve at least touched one person with this. It might change your life :)

I hope everyone has a great day. I love you all :)

~Pax

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skabir · 3 years

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20. Rakuten (Formerly Ebates)

21. Honey Browser Extension

The Create and Sell Side Hustles

22. Offer Up

23. Amazon

24. eBook Publishing

25. Etsy

26. Craigslist

27. Zazzle

28. eBay

29. Sell Your Photos Online

The Get Hired to Work Online Side Hustles

30. Do Transcription Work or Data Entry Work

31. User Testing

The Some Skill Required Side Hustles

32. Become an Online Coach

33. Create an Online Course

34. Earn $900 Per Week Spray Tanning

35. Earn $39/hour as a Voiceover Artist

36. Make $200 to $300 as a Resume Writer

37. Catering

38. Computer Repair

39. Make $25/hour Teaching Computer Skills

40. Make $300 to $500 Per Month Teaching Music Lessons

41. Earn $300 to $500 Playing Guitar Gigs

42. Earn $20/hour Doing Handyman Work

43. Earn $16 to $20 Per Hour as a Lifeguard

44. Earn $30 to $85 Per Hour Tutoring

45. Start a Baking Business

46. Earn $30/hour as a Sports Umpire

The Physical Labor Side Hustles

47. Earn $500 Per Month Cleaning Pools

48. Earn $500 to $1,000 per Month House Cleaning

49. Earn $500 to $1,000 Per Month Mowing Lawns

50. Earn $25/hour Painting Gates

51. Earn $25 to $75 Per Hour Shoveling Snow

52. Earn $4 per Window Washing Windows

The Really Unique Side Hustles

53. Sell Your Hair Online

54. Make $50/hour Painting Street Numbers

55. Make $40/hour Doing Tasks For People

56. Start Earning $500 Per Month Home Staging Business

57. Earn $15 to $18 Per Hour as a Work-From-Home Customer Service Rep

58. Start an Estate Sale Service Business

59. Start a Vending Machine Business

60. Pick Up Trash in Parking Lots

The You’ve Got to be Kidding Me Side Hustles

61. Earn Up to $1,000 Per Month as a Sperm Donor

62. Earn $400 Per Month as a Plasma Donor

63. Earn $40 to $80 per Hour as a Cuddler

64. Earn $40/hour to Pick up Dog Poop

65. Earn $20 to $50 Per Hour as a Rent-a-Friend

The Old School Side Hustles

66. Earn $15/hour Babysitting

67. Earn $15/hour Dog Walking

68. Sell Drinks

69. Make $25 to $45 Per Day House-sitting

70. Make $8 to $10 Per Hour as a Mystery Shopper

71. Earn $500 to $1,000 Per Month Pet Sitting

72. Sell ScrapMetal

73. Sign Spinner

Takeaway on All These Side Hustle Ideas

Side hustles are a great way to quickly increase your income to do things like build your emergency fund, rapidly pay off debt, and save for those big purchases. When I was facing $52k in consumer debt alone, I was constantly looking for different side hustle ideas to pay off the massive debt I had created.

Keep in mind, side hustles are not meant to replace your income, but rather add to your current income. Of course there are stories out there of side hustles turning into full-time business ideas, but this is definitely not the normal.

Instead, look at these side hustle ideas as a way to boost your current income in your spare time.

Yes, as you can imagine side hustles are performed in addition to what you’re already doing. This means if you aren’t willing to put in the extra work, then continuing to look down this list of side hustle ideas is going to be a waste of your time. These are not get-rich-quick ideas — they are make-money-for-extra-work ideas.

And depending on what you’re willing to do and how much time you are willing to allocate will determine your added income. Some of you will start off making an extra $50 per month and others will make an extra $2,000 per month.

My best piece of advice for choosing your side hustles

Work means work. Whichever side hustles you choose will take effort on your part.

Find something you are already good at (or enjoy) and start there.

Determine how much money you need and then work backwards from there. This will help you determine which side hustle will be best for your goals.

The side hustles that pay more require more time and effort. The opposite is also true.

No more than three side hustles at at time.

Not all side hustles are glorious, but the least attractive side hustles often pay the most.

If you come across a side hustle that says “get-rich-quick” — go the the next one. It’s just not true.

Commit, commit, commit. The biggest mistake you will make is giving up on your side hustle too early.

Remember, you landed on this post for a reason.

It’s not an accident you are here and you definitely are looking for ways to make extra money. Below is a list I started in 2016, and I have been continually updating it ever since. I want you to remove the financial stress and live a happy life. I don’t want you to have debt for the rest of your life and I want you to save more money than you ever thought possible.

The best way to move away from the financial stress is to live on written plan (a budget). Nine times out of ten when you look at your plan, you will realize you need extra money to knock out the debt and save more. This is exactly how this list will help you. Best of luck to you!

My Favorite Side Hustle Ideas Right Now

These first eight side hustles right now are my favorites. Right now during the COVID crisis, delivering food is the way to go to make decent money as quickly as possible. You can also do well as a virtual assistant for the same reason and make up to $50/hour.

1. Earn $15 to $25 Per Hour Delivering Food From Restaurants

DoorDash is my favorite pick for food delivery because I have been told from multiple delivery drivers that DoorDashers make slightly more than UberEats drivers. While I don’t have any factual statistics to prove this right or wrong, I still like DoorDash best as the top side hustle for food delivery. However, almost all of the delivery drivers I have had to the house will all say they deliver through both platforms so they can make the most money.

If you have a car, bike, or scooter, this is a great side hustle for anyone. There is a reason why this is one of the most popular side hustles around today.

DoorDash

Uber Eats

2. Earn up to $50/hour as a Virtual Assistant

Virtual assistants have been around for years, but during the economic shutdown due to coronavirus, the industry has exploded.

Businesses are turning to virtual support, which means virtual assistants are in high demand. In fact, many small businesses (like Money Peach) need help but don’t want to bring on staff to their location, so instead they turn to virtual support.

This virtual support can be a range of things from responding to and checking email, scheduling meetings, booking travel arrangements, updating social media content — really anything you can do online.

The starting pay for virtual assistants is really good — $15 – $50 per hour.

I would recommend starting off by posting on your social channels offering services as a virtual assistant. I still can’t believe how many people don’t do this — it is such a simple way to land a job for yourself.

And here’s a pro-tip: think visualization. Make an image using a free service like Canva to create an image with a headshot and all the tasks you can help people with online. This will definitely help you stand out above the rest.

What if I want to be a virtual assistant but need a little help getting started?

I would highly recommend reaching out to someone who is a professional virtual assistant and learning from them. Kayla Sloan started off as my very own V.A. in 2015 and today she has been teaching how to be a high-level virtual assistant to thousands of people all over the world.

And through her large network in the online space, she can even help you get your first virtual assistant job. If this sounds like something you would like to try, you can learn more about it here.

Learn How to Become a Virtual Assistant

You can also listen to Episode 80 on the Money Peach Podcast where interview Kayla Sloan — the founder of 10kVA.

3. Make $1,000 to $2,000 Per Month Running Facebook Ads

If you were a business owner, would you pay $100 to make $300? What about spending $10,000 to make $30,000?

This is why today over 7 million advertisers are using Facebook ads and these businesses are spending on average between $2,400 and $9,600 on Facebook ads each year. And with over 30 million small businesses in the U.S. alone, there is huge opportunity for people to create a lot of revenue creating Facebook ads for small businesses.

Bobby Hoyt from Laptop Empires has the best program for teaching people how to run Facebook Ads and he really will show you to earn $1,000 – $2,000 per month per client as their Facebook ads manager.

Of course I had to look into this claim to make sure it’s accurate, and I can tell you this — he’s not exaggerating at all. You can see how he’s helped countless people create real side hustle income to eventually replace their full-time jobs doing Facebook ads here.

Also, as I mentioned earlier this is not a get-rich-quick scheme. This is going to take 6-8 weeks if you’re moving quickly to not only learn how to do Facebook ads but how to get clients as well. Bobby will show you how, but you have to do the work. If you’re not willing to do the work, then I would move onto the next side hustle.

Learn How to Run Facebook Ads

Think about it: if you could help a business owner spend $10,000 to make $30,000, would it be worth it to them to pay you $1,000 – $2,000 per month to do that for them?

4. Earn Money as a Freelance Writer

I have a good friend, Holly Johnson, that left her job in corporate America to pursue her passion — freelance writing.

She didn’t start off making a ton of money, but over time she created strategies to land more writing jobs, to find out what clients actually want in a writer, and how to be as efficient and profitable as possible.

Today Holly makes $225,000+ per year and if you follow her online you’ll notice something unusual — her family of 4 travels six weeks per year because she can write from anywhere in the world. Right now Holly writes for some of the largest well-known websites like Condé Naste, The Balance, Bankrate and Business Insider.

Keep in mind — you are not going to start off as a freelance writer making six figures per year. But, if you work hard you definitely can make $1,000 – $2,000 per month as a freelance writer.

How do you get started as a freelance writer?

You can do this the hard way by networking, pitching clients, and trying to price your services yourself. This isn’t a bad way to go, but it definitely takes a lot more effort.

Or, you could get help from a professional freelance writer. Holly has mastered her craft and she will show you exactly how to get started, how to get clients and how much to start charging your clients. She will also help you find the clients you want to write for.

In fact, many of the writers for this blog have come from Holly’s recommendation. She is the go-to resource for many bloggers looking for high-quality writers. And if they have been taught by Holly, then we all know they are high-quality.

Learn How to Become a Freelance Writer

5. Get Paid to Proofread

If you are someone (like me) that gets upset when you see your versus you’re spelled wrong or maybe the mix up between there, their and they’re — you are going to love this side hustle. Or maybe you are tired of seeing things like this in print:

Photo credit: 11 Points.com

Proofreading is a great side hustle (and career) that can be done from anywhere in the world. To learn more abut getting started as proofreader, check out Proofread Anywhere.

Proofread Anywhere

6. Earn Money Through a One-Page Website

One of the best decisions I made was starting a blog in 2015. This tiny little blog did not make any money that first year — it was merely a passion project about personal finance. However, the following year I made a little bit of money and every year since the blog has grown along with the income.

But you are NOT going to make a lot of money right now starting a blog.

Making money from a blog takes time and it’s not a great side hustle.

However, you definitely will increase your income by starting a one-page website for any services you are offering. Whether you’re a handyman, a Facebook ads consultant, a virtual assistant, a tutor, or any other side hustler, you must have a simple website for people to learn about you.

This is so simple and I cannot tell you how many people make the mistake of not taking the time to create a one page website.

How to Earn more money with your Own Website

If you’re looking to do any of the side hustles mentioned in this post, you’re going to want to create a simple website. Don’t worry — it’s extremely simple.

Let’s say for example you’re looking to get hired as a virtual assistant. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone could go online and read your “About Me” page, have the ability to contact you via your “Contact Me” page and even hire you through your “Work With Me” page?

No matter what business or side hustle you want to create, having a simple website will boost your credibility. Ask yourself this: if two people are offering the same exact services but only one of them has a website for you to learn more about, who are you more likely to hire?

If you’re looking for a simple way to get started building a quick website, I created a free step-by-step guide to help you get started. This guide will allow you to build your website in 15 – 20 minutes and for just a few dollars.

Learn How to Create Your Own Website

7. How to Earn Money with Affiliate Marketing

If you’re willing to put in the time and effort by starting a blog, then affiliate marketing can be a great side hustle. But remember, it takes time and effort.

With that said, when I created this blog in the beginning, I didn’t know anything about affiliate marketing. I just enjoyed blogging about how to create a budget, save more money, and pay off debt. That was until someone told me my blog could be generating thousands of dollars per month if I added in affiliate marketing.

Admittedly, I was super skeptical but I decided to give it a try.

I didn’t know what to do or how to get started, so I reached out to a blogging friend who started Making Sense of Affiliate Marketing . Within 60 days I increased the monthly income from my tiny little blog by $1,705 (and became one of her testimonies)

Yes, I was more than just a little shocked and since then I have told everyone I know about her program because it really changed my life. I don’t know about you, but $1,705 extra per month for making some tweaks to my blog is life-changing.

Keep in mind, making money from affiliate marketing takes time. Yes, you can make a lot of money from affiliate marketing, but in the beginning I would estimate only a few hundred dollars per month.

Make Money with Affiliate Marketing

8. Earn up to $22/hour Tutoring Online

Maybe you’ve never heard of VIPKID, but it’s actually a household name brand in China. Currently, there are over 70,000 American teachers teaching English as a second language to over 600,000 children in China. The current pay for this reliable side hustle is up to $22/hour.

Before you get started, beware there are some barriers to entry to partner with VIPKID. First, they do require you to have a Bachelor’s degree from either the USA or Canada, and second they ask for “some teaching experience”. However, from a teacher I have spoke with from VIPKID, she said “teaching” doesn’t have to mean teaching in a traditional educational setting.

The lessons are 30 minutes long and you will be paid up to $11 for each 30-minute lesson. One thing to note is since you are teaching across the globe in a live setting, you will be teaching at odd hours (late at night or first thing in the morning). However, the teacher I spoke to said it was fun, rewarding, and it paid well for being able to stay at home and teach from her laptop in her kitchen.

Make Money with VIPKID

9. Earn $600/month Renting Out Baby Equipment

I really love this side hustle right now because the feedback from readers has been extremely positive.

Imagine you’re getting ready to take a vacation with your small children and you start thinking about how you’re going the pack the stroller, the pack ‘n plays, and the crib. Then you start thinking about the car seats, toys, books, high chairs, carriers, noise machines, baby baths, bouncy seats, monitors, jumpers and every other little thing!

Today, that problem solved thanks to BabyQuip.

In 2016, a few parents got together and created BabyQuip to provide families with clean, safe and reliable baby equipment for rent. Since then there have been over 30,000 transactions and guess where the baby equipment is rented from?

If you currently have baby equipment stored at home, you can start renting it out in the over 500 cities across the US and Canada. To start earning money as a BabyQuip Quality Provider you need to apply online and once accepted you’ll have an interview. If you both feel it’s a good match, you will get onboarded so you know how to run your baby gear rental business.

Then, you get to work as little more much as you’d like. The average BabyQuip Quality Provider makes $600/month, with some providers as high as $5,000 per month. Also, once you’re accepted as provider, you will be added to the community where you can meet other QPs and learn best practices to make the most money.

Rent Out Your Baby Equipment

The Best Side Hustles That Put Your “Stuff” to Work

I’m sure you’re fully aware, but a market has emerged and took over where your stuff actually makes money for you. This started with using your car as a taxi service with Uber or renting out your spare room through Airbnb. However, there is now just about a market for anything you can think of in terms of your stuff making money for you. I’m going to start off with the less obvious.

10. Earn $1,000 to $1,500 Per Month Renting Out Your RV

Rent your RV out like a VRBO or Airbnb with Outdoorsy.

If you’re currently an RV owner, did you know over 17 million RVs sit unused for 350 days per year?

Whether you own a large RV, a fifth-wheel, a folding trailer, a camper van or anything similar, there is plenty of opportunity to turn a profit with your RV instead of it sitting idle.

In fact, many RV owners have been renting out their campers for years on sites like Craigslist or through word-of-mouth referrals. However, there is also a lot of risk and unanswered questions when you decide to rent out your RV by yourself.

Now, more people are turning to the largest and safest online marketplace for renting out your RV — Outdoorsy. You can think of Outdoorsy like the Airbnb for your RV.

Outdoorsy also provides plenty of safeguards to protect you and your RV. For starters, all potential renters of your RV have to pass an extensive driving history check before they can request your RV. Also, Outdoorsy provide you the owner $1 million in liability insurance and will also cover any theft or damage.

In addition to both liability insurance and the background check, Outdoorsy offers 24/7 roadside assistance which really turns your RV rental into a fully passive income stream. I know I mentioned above you can make $1,000 – $1,500 per month, however Outdoorsy does state on their website you can “Earn up to $30,000 a year renting your RV to people you trust”.

Since I don’t personally own an RV, I did do some research and found that since their start date in 2014, Outdoorsy has facilitated over 240k RV trips and has over 10,000 reviews on Trustpilot rating with a 4.4 out of 5.

How it works:

First you will create a free account with Outdoorsy. Once your account is created, you will then create a profile for your RV. Outdoorsy walks you through the process of creating your profile to include things like the year/make/model of your RV, where it’s located, a detailed description, pictures, list of amenities, and your rules for renters.

Next you set your daily/weekly rental rate and post it to the site. Once someone rents your RV, Outdoorsy will release the funds to you via direct deposit within 24 hours of the start of the rental. Outdoorsy does take 15% – 20% fee from the rental.

Rent Out Your RV or Camper

11. Earn $700/month Renting Out Your Car

Turo is a peer-to-peer car sharing company where you can generate monthly revenue by renting out your car. With over 10 million users and 350,000 vehicles listed, Turo is a safe and reliable way to turn your car into a monthly revenue stream. Currently Turo is offered in US, Canada, the UK, and Germany.

How it works:

To get started you can list your vehicle (any make and model) for free. This process takes about 10 minutes and there are no sign-up fees or monthly charges for signing up.

Next, you can set your own daily price and rental rules for your car. Turo does have recommendations for you if you don’t know, but your pricing and rules for the rental are completely up to you.

Once a guest books a rental with your car, you’ll specify how your guest receives the car and will also “check in” your guest through the Turo App. Within three days after your car is returned and the trip is completed, you will get paid via direct deposit.

Turo takes a commission on the transaction, however in 2019 the average Turo host made $706 per month when they completed 12 trips per year.

The amount of days you would like to rent out your car is completely up to you and you’re also covered up to $1 million liability insurance through a partnership with Turo and Liberty Mutual.

Rent Out Your Car or Truck

12. Earn $1,000 to $2,000 Renting Out Your Room

Just about everyone has stayed in an Airbnb or at least knows someone who has. But, have you ever thought about making money with Airbnb?

This side hustle pays quite a bit because of what is at stake — you’re renting out a room in your house or your renting out your entire house. And, in some situations you may even be living with your guests during their stay. Whichever way you choose, this is still one of the most lucrative side hustles on the market.

How it works:

It’s free to list your space on Airbnb ad there are no memberships dues, sign-up fees, or any random charges. Instead, Airbnb earns a 3% host service fee per booking.

Once you’re space is listed, you can choose to make it available whenever you want. You also get to set the rules for your guests such as min/max number of nights and how far in advance they can book. As far as pricing, Airbnb has recommendations for you but ultimately you get to set the price you feel most comfortable with, including your cleaning fee, seasonal fees, or any other pricing options you think you may need.

Once your space is booked, Airbnb will usually pay you within 24 hours after the guest is scheduled to arrive via Paypal, direct deposit, or other methods if available. Airbnb also provides you with $1 million property damage insurance, $1 million in liability insurance and 24/7 customer support.

Again, I totally understand that renting out your room, house, or even living with a guest is a pretty big deal. However, you really can earn $1,000 – $2,000 this month and does not take much to get started. No marketing costs, creating your ow website or anything life that. Simply sign up for free, list your space, and start making really good money this month.

Rent Out Your Room(s) on Airbnb

13. Earn $500 to $1,000 Per Month Renting Out Space

Peerspace is platform that allows hosts to rent their space for meetings, events, film and photo shoots, or anything else you can think of.

People are always looking for space to rent out for birthday parties, baby showers, film shoots, networking events, workshops, and a whole slew of other reasons that require space.

Renting out small spaces by the hour has become increasingly popular over the past few years, and now there is even a dedicated marketplace for it. And for those who aren’t ready to rent out a room in their home quite yet, maybe renting out your space for a few hours will work out better.

Whether you want to rent a room, your backyard, your office or meeting room, your garage, or any other space you can think of, the opportunity is there. And Peerspace is the leader when it comes to peer-to-peer space rental.

How it Works:

Once you set up a free account with Peerspace, you can create your listing, the rules for your space, the pricing, and the availability. Then you simply list your space and it will become available to whoever is looking for your space within the Peerspace marketplace.

Just like Airbnb, Turo, and Outdoorsy, Peerspace protects you with $1 million in liability insurance and you can also list your space absolutely for free. Once someone rents out your space through their dashboard, you will receive payment from Peerspace, minus a 15% commission Peerspace takes.

Most of the spaces I found during a quick search are in the $50 – $100/hour with a minimum of 2 hours. If you are willing to open up your space just a few times per month, you could easily generate $500 – $1,000 extra as a nice little side hustle.

Rent out Your Space

14. Earn $50/month Renting Your Driveway

A college student at Arizona State University identified a problem and created the solution.

Parking near the campus was difficult and the homeowners who lived near the campus had a major problem with illegal parking on the streets. Jonathan Barkl, a 20-year-old college student at the time wondered if you could take the idea of Airbnb and apply it to your own driveway.

Air Garage is a service that allows you to rent out your driveway for parking in three simple steps. Step one is Air Garage installs a free sign that instructs the public they can pay to park in your driveway.

Step two is for you to install and get set up with their online dashboard so you can manage your driveway parking status. And step three is your driveway is available for rent and you start collecting payments.

If your curious to learn more, I actually had the Air Garage Founder and CEO on the Money Peach podcast.

Rent Out Your Driveway

The Best Side Hustle Ideas That Pay Quickly

These side hustles will not generate the income you can generate with the above list, but they are something you can do right away and get paid quickly.

15. Share Your Opinion Online

Yup, you can actually generate side income by simply giving your opinion via online surveys. It’s not going to make you rich tomorrow, but it’s still a great way to generate extra income during your down time.

I like to do surveys when I’m literally doing nothing else. For example, if I am in the doctor’s office waiting room, or my estimated wait time is 21 minutes or even if I’m riding the train — I may as well make some extra money.

There are also a ton of survey sites out there and I’ll be completely honest — 95% of them aren’t that great. But, there are a few good ones out there that actually have really good reviews.

The top two I recommend are both Survey Junkie and Swagbucks.

Survey Junkie has you answer surveys online (desktop or mobile) and you can earn points that can be exchanged for either cash or gift cards. For every 1,000 points you earn, you can trade them in for the $10 equivalent. Survey Junkie has over 14,000 reviews with a Trustpilot score of 4.5 out of 5 — the highest rating among all survey sites. If you would like to learn more about Survey Junkie, I have a full Survey Junkie review here.

Swagbucks is another great choice because you earn in other ways beyond just answering online surveys. You can earn when you shop online, answer surveys, watch videos, test out new offers from top brands, search the web, play online games, or use their mobile app. Similar to most other survey sites, you can redeem points for cash or gift cards. Since 2008, Swagbucks has paid out over $400 million and sends out over 7,000 gift cards per day. You can learn more here in my Swagbuck review.

Survey Junkie

Swagbucks

16. Inbox Dollars

Another option for a quick-money-side hustle is Inbox Dollars.

Inbox Dollars is a rewards club that pays you in cash for completing a variety of online activities. This can include searching the internet, filling out surveys, printing off coupons, and shopping online. You’re not going to make a ton of money or anything like that, but If you are already doing these things, it makes sense to get paid for it too.

Inbox Dollars

17. Earn $3 to $100 Doing Random Tasks

Download the free Gigwalking App and then find “gigs” in your neighborhood that companies are willing to pay you for. Can you check out the price of milk in a certain store for $6 or snap a pic of a storefront for $5 on the way to work? Note: You will start off with the low-paying jobs in the beginning, but prove yourself and you will start getting offered the higher-paying jobs soon enough.

The Popular Side Hustles

Here are some of the well-known side hustles that have stood the test of time.

18. Earn $10 to $12 Per Hour as a Rideshare Driver

This is an incredibly popular side hustle and just about everyone has been in an Uber or Lyft before.

To get started, some minimum requirements you need are a car, a smartphone, and the Uber or Lyft app. You become available to drive as soon as you complete the activation process and then you are ready to start earning money. Fares are paid out weekly or up to 5X a day when you register for Instant Pay with your debit card!

The nice part about becoming a rideshare driver is it’s truly on-demand. You can work only when you want and you can drive as much or as little as you’d like. However, from the rideshare drives I have interviewed, the money is good, but not great.

Drive with Uber

Drive with Lyft

19. Fiverr

Fiverr is a platform where you can sell your products and services starting at $5 per gig. After you have a few $5 gigs under your belt, you can start increasing how much you charge. Here at Money Peach, I hire people from Fiverr all the time. Just recently, we found someone for a quick logo design and another to transcribe some videos we created.

Also, the Fiverr platform does take 20% from each gig. Therefore, if you do a $5 gig, you will take home $4 per gig. However, if you can complete 3-4 gigs in an hour, your hourly rate could start at $16 – $20 per hour.

This is a very popular side hustle for good reason, but keep in mind you may not make a of money when you first start out. It may not feel worth it in the beginning because you will need to do small jobs to build up your rating before you can start charging more.

Start a Gig with Fiverr

The Referral Program Side Hustles

These sites mentioned below are not to be used as a source of income, but rather a simple way to make a few bucks here and there. Most of them mentioned are ways to save money online, however they do offer gift cards for referring your friends. Again, not a big money-maker but more of a reminder you can still make a few bucks if you use any of these sits.

20. Rakuten (Formerly Ebates)

Rakuten is a company that has partnered with over 2,000 online companies to form an affiliate relationship with each of them. An affiliate relationship simply means Rakuten and each online company have created a partnership where Rakuten will refer you or I to buy something from them, and that company then sends Rakuten a thank-you referral.

The good news: Rakuten then splits the thank-you referral with you, and you earn cash back. And when you refer your friends to Rakuten, you will get a referral commission. As of this writing, I have personally made $1098.48 since I joined Rakuten. Ninety-five percent of that came from referrals.

Even if you don’t plan on sharing your referral link, you still should sign up for Rakuten (free) and save money on all of your online purchases.

Join Rakuten

21. Honey Browser Extension

Honey works the same exact way as Rakuten — a refer-a-friend program.

Recently purchased by PayPal, Honey is a free tool that will search for online coupons and apply them to your online shopping cart to make sure you are saving the most money. Instead of searching for coupons one at-a-time and applying them individually, Honey does all of this for you in the matter of seconds.

Not only will you save money, but you can also make a little bit of money with their refer-a-friend program. For anyone you refer to the app, Honey will send you $5 as soon as they purchase something via the app up to $1,000. I have personally made over $3,000 with their referral program. You max out at $1,000 and then you need to create a new Honey Account and share out your new referral link.

youtube

Use the Honey Extension

The Create and Sell Side Hustles

Selling your stuff online is a great way to earn money quickly. Here are some of the go-to places for selling stuff online.

22. Offer Up

OfferUp lets you list and sell for free. It’s more of a “you’re on your own” site like Craigslist and LetGo, but is fairly popular and is well-organized. It also looks like OfferUp is surpassing Craigslist as the go-to place to sell your stuff locally.

23. Amazon

Selling on Amazon is almost identical as selling on eBay in terms of fees and ease of use. However, sometimes items that don’t sell as well on eBay do better on Amazon and vice versa. Either way, it is a side hustle worth looking at if you can buy for cheap and resell for a higher price.

24. eBook Publishing

Make money by writing your own book and self publishing it on Amazon for free. There are different options available for how your can price your book and earn income from the sale of your book in the Amazon store. Questions about self publishing your own book? Check this out.

25. Etsy

Instead of having to open up your brick and mortar store, sell your creations on Etsy. Whether you make clothing, crafts, baby toys, or jewelry, you can open up your own store at Etsy. I have a friend selling her awesome clothing line on Etsy and it brings in a very nice income for the family. This is another great side hustle, but don’t expect instant results. You may need to be patient for this one.

26. Craigslist

We all know you can buy and sell stuff on Craigslist, but have you ever thought about offering a service you can provide. If providing a service isn’t your thing, you can scan Craigslist for great deals and then later resell items for a profit. This takes persistence and patience, but I have a friend who went from a $4k truck to a $24k in truck in 18 months by flipping cars from Craigslist.

There are also many other sites competing with Craigslist and you may have better exposure by posting on these sites like Craigslist.

27. Zazzle

Make money on Zazzle as a designer by selling your artwork on different products or you can actually make and manufacture the products for sale. I have a friend who takes old dry wood and paints slogans on them. She needs to sell them on Zazzle; she could create a very quick and profitable side hustle.

28. eBay

You can have your own store up in only a few minutes at eBay. To start, you must have a seller account, must be verified through PayPal. You are even able to give a detailed description of your store with a catchy design to attract customers. I have a friend who will buy all of the unused bras at a last chance type of store and resell them for a profit at her eBay store. Last I heard, she was doing $1,000/month in her first couple of months.

29. Sell Your Photos Online

Do you take amazing photos? You can actually sell your photos online at places like iStockPhoto, Shutterstock, Fotolia, and Bigstockphoto. Photos can be sold over and over again, allowing you to earn a residual income!

The full list to sell your stuff online: You can see all the places to sell your stuff online here.

The Get Hired to Work Online Side Hustles

30. Do Transcription Work or Data Entry Work

Another great side hustle you can do from home is transcribing audio or video into captions. I personally have hired many people from Rev.com to do all of our captions for our videos and the quality is always great.

Rev.com says you can expect to earn on average $240 per month and you can also get paid weekly via PayPal.

I really love this side hustle because you can do this from home, on your own time, and work as much as you would like.

31. User Testing

Don’t want to do an online survey, but still like to surf the web and earn some cash? Companies will pay you to try out their apps or visit their websites and give them feedback. Usertesting and UserFeel uses your feedback on apps and websites that aren’t as user-friendly and then pays your for it.

The Some Skill Required Side Hustles

So, not all side hustles are for everyone. In fact, these ones below do require some skill to make money. But, the more skill you have, the more money you will make!

32. Become an Online Coach

If you have an idea and can help people, pay attention. Whether it is motivating someone, helping them pass a class, or teaching them how to build a website, this can all be done online. Setup you’re pricing, terms, and accept payment through something as simple as PayPal and you are on your way. I recommend using Skype or Google Hangouts since it is 100% free.

I currently have a group coaching program called Smart Money Academy. We have a community that meets live via Zoom calls and I teach people how to manage money — everything from to budgeting, debt payoff, savings, wealth building and more.

33. Create an Online Course

Is there something you are good at and can teach to others? My good friend Holly Johnson will show you how to get paid to as a Freelance Writer with her course Earn More Writing.

Another friend doing great things is Bobby Hoyt. He’s teaching people how to create Facebook Ads for small businesses with his online program, The Facebook Side Hustle Course. In fact, his average student earns $1,000 – $2,000 per month.

And, one of our former virtual assistants here at Money Peach left us to create her own online course — teaching people how to become virtual assistants. Her course is called 10kVA and her students are making up to $50/hour as virtual assistants.

34. Earn $900 Per Week Spray Tanning

A good friend of mine (Jessica) has become the queen of spray tanning in our area. In fact, she is making $900 per week cash spray tanning both the ladies and the men and it’s all through word-of-mouth! You can check her out at JC Glows on Facebook to see how she set up her side hustle.

I asked her how she got started and she said this:

She started with this exact tanning kit

She uses this tanning tent

She taught herself how watching YouTube

35. Earn $39/hour as a Voiceover Artist

You know those people who talk on radio and TV commercials but you never see their faces? They’re called voiceover artists, and they get paid good money to do what they do.

Sites like Backstage list available voiceover jobs, and Carrie Olsen, professional voiceover artist, has a great web site that can help you learn how to become a voiceover artist.

Check out this Money Peach Podcast with Voice Over Star Carrie Olsen for more info.

36. Make $200 to $300 as a Resume Writer

If you have a knack for writing compelling and attention-grabbing resumes, consider offering your services on sites such as freelancer.com, Craigslist, or on any social media platform.

When someone is going in for a job interview, it’s worth it for them to pay $200 – $300 per resume for a high-quality resume. In addition to writing resumes, you should also offer services such as writing cover letters and proofreading.

37. Catering

If you love cooking, serving food, and entertaining at your own home, then get paid to do it for someone else. This can be fun and can often go from side hustle to full-time if you’re really good at it!

38. Computer Repair

If you love “playing” computers, then help someone repair theirs and get paid for it. Note: You must know a little bit about computers.

39. Make $25/hour Teaching Computer Skills

How many Baby Boomers (or anyone for that matter) do you know who are still having trouble checking their email. If you were able to navigate to this web page, then you probably have the skills to teach extremely basic computer skills to an extreme beginner.

40. Make $300 to $500 Per Month Teaching Music Lessons

From singing to playing piano or any other number of instruments, parents everywhere are seeking music lessons for their kids.

If you have a gift for a musical skills, consider teaching that skill to local kids. You might be able to find jobs by looking on Craigslist, OfferUp, or Facebook Marketplace. You should also seek out local public school or homeschooling groups to connect with parents who have school-aged children.

41. Earn $300 to $500 Playing Guitar Gigs

A friend of mine finds guitar gigs online, on Facebook, and in the paper all the time. He shows up, plays for a few hours, and leaves with cash in hand. Note: you must be good at playing the guitar.

42. Earn $20/hour Doing Handyman Work

Some people are handy and others are not. Let your neighbors know that you are available to hang a ceiling fan, patch a hole in the drywall, fix an irrigation leak, or paint a fence. All can be done for them ASAP for a small fee.

I love TaskRabbit. Whether I need a doggy door installed, someone to clean my house this weekend, or even mount a TV, I can go on TaskRabbit to find someone in an instant. YOU could be that person I find next on TaskRabbit for hire!

43. Earn $16 to $20 Per Hour as a Lifeguard

Become a lifeguard and earn $16/hr – $20/hr part-time. Not only do you make some extra cash, but you are guaranteed to get a little tan as well.

44. Earn $30 to $85 Per Hour Tutoring

Tutoring is a great side hustle and it’s in high-demand. According to Care.com, the most commonly requested tutoring subjects are SAT prep, math, English, chemistry, biology and physics. If you feel you have an expertise in teaching on any of those subjects, I would highly encourage you to start offering your services as a tutor.

Create a simple 2-3 page website with an about page, a contact page, and of course a hire-me page. If you need help creating a very simple website, I’ll show you how here.

Once you have your site up and running, don’t be shy — share your link to your site on social media and chances are someone will be calling you shortly. If not, I promise someone knows someone needing a tutor and you’re the first person they thought of because they saw your post.

Live in the U.S. or U.K. and hold a bachelor’s degree? You can earn up to $22/hr plus bonuses to teach kids English online from the comfort of home. Learn more here.

45. Start a Baking Business

Do you have a gift for baking goodies such as cake, muffins or cookies? Why not use that gift to make yourself some extra cash?

Events such as birthday parties, weddings, office parties and meetings, retirement parties and more often have baked treats as a part of their celebration.

Advertise your culinary skills on Instagram, Facebook, and Craigslist. Also, don’t forget about local event venues to show off your bakery services.

46. Earn $30/hour as a Sports Umpire

Are you knowledgeable about the rules and regulations of certain sports? Do you like working with kids? Recreation associations often pay good money for organized sports umpires for football, baseball, and more.

In our area, umpires earn about $30 an hour. Check with local sporting organizations for job opening details.

The Physical Labor Side Hustles

If you don’t putting in a little sweat equity, you can do very well side hustling with some physical labor attached to it. I did #50 when I was getting out of debt and generated over $1,000 each month.

47. Earn $500 Per Month Cleaning Pools

This requires very little overhead and is simple to do. Go to Google Earth and look up which homes in your neighborhood have a pool, and offer to start today. I actually did this to get out of debt and it worked out great!

48. Earn $500 to $1,000 per Month House Cleaning

People are busy and don’t have time to clean their homes. This is where you come in. Search your area in Craigslist to get an idea for pricing your own services. Then market your services to friends, family and ask for referrals. Don’t be shy — the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

49. Earn $500 to $1,000 Per Month Mowing Lawns

If you don’t have the funds to purchase all the equipment, then offer to your mow lawns with their equipment. I actually did this in grade school because I wasn’t old enough to drive. I just showed up, grabbed their lawnmower, and was paid.

You can also find really good deals on used equipment on the Facebook Marketplace, OfferUp, and Craigslist. This side hustle does require some upfront costs, but it’s a definite money-maker. I would recommend offering your landscaping services on OfferUp and inside the Facebook Marketplace.

50. Earn $25/hour Painting Gates

Gates fade and someone needs to repaint them. A kid in the neighborhood took pics of faded gates and pretty gates and posted them on the mailbox with his number and price. (I think one of the faded gate pics he took was my gate also). He spent about 2 hours taking off all the slats, sanding them down, and repainting them. He charged me $50 and was happy to pay it.

51. Earn $25 to $75 Per Hour Shoveling Snow

No one likes shoveling snow and this is why you will be paid for it.

52. Earn $4 per Window Washing Windows

I recently paid a guy to wash my windows because he advertised $4/window. He spent about 1 hour washing a total of 20 windows and walked away with $80 cash. His entire setup was a bucket and a squeegee. Maybe I should wash my own windows and my neighbor’s windows for an affordable price of only $4 a window.

The Really Unique Side Hustles

If you are unique, then you deserve some unique side hustles. Some of these are extremely cool, but a few of them…well I am still waiting for you to try.

53. Sell Your Hair Online

Thinking about a new hair style? You may want to. People are paying between $100 and $4,000 for quality hair. Just remember to wash it more than once a month before you get ready to sell. A great place to sell your hair is Hairsellon and they have a hair calculator here to show you how much they will pay you.

54. Make $50/hour Painting Street Numbers

A father and son rang my doorbell and pointed out to me my street numbers were faded. “For only $10, they would repaint my street numbers so my house would look better”. I paid it and it took them 37 seconds. They did 6 houses on my street alone. This is a great little side hustle.

55. Make $40/hour Doing Tasks For People

Whether someone needs furniture assembled, they need a package delivered across town, they need their TV hung on the wall, or a ceiling fan installed, you can get hired to do all these and much more via Task Rabbit.

The average Taskers are making around $40/hour, with some making around $2,000 per week!

To get started you first need to register for a free account online. Then you have to attend an online onboarding session to explain exactly how become a great Tasker. Once you’re approved, you can start accepting your first job via the TaskRabbit app and start earning money.

56. Start Earning $500 Per Month Home Staging Business

Somebody is always selling a home, and homes sell faster and for more money when they are “staged”.

As a home stager you can tailor your business to meet a variety of client needs. Creating relationships with local realtors is one way to help you find home staging clients. To create your pricing, find a local staging business and ask them for their rates. I would start lower than than what they currently offer to create business and then once you’re established, raise your rates.

57. Earn $15 to $18 Per Hour as a Work-From-Home Customer Service Rep

There are many companies that hire part-time customer service representatives who can from home. Well-known companies like U-Haul, Hilton, Apple, Cruise.com and more hire customer service reps who work from home. I have a full list of the best customer service jobs to work from home here.

58. Start an Estate Sale Service Business

An estate sale business buys a large majority of a client’s belongings, including furniture, vehicles and more, at a group rate and sells the stuff individually for profit.

This is a business that will take some work as you get to know the ropes but can be very lucrative in the long run.

59. Start a Vending Machine Business

Many companies want vending machines installed at their businesses for the convenience of employees and clients alike.

Although this type of side hustle would involve some costly initial cash, you may be able to make it up quickly if you install the machines in thriving businesses that service large numbers of people.

60. Pick Up Trash in Parking Lots

Brian Winch came on the podcast to share how he picks up trash around parking lots and now earns a 6-figure income by doing so. Although it may not be glorious work, it does pay well and it’s extremely affordable to get started. Before you get started, check out the Clean Lots tutorial here.

The You’ve Got to be Kidding Me Side Hustles

Before you read on, just remember the name of these side hustles are you’ve-go-to-be-kidding-me side hustles. Some of them will actually shock you ?.

61. Earn Up to $1,000 Per Month as a Sperm Donor

This is straight out of the movie Road Trip when they need gas money. However, you can make substantial money donating sperm, with some places offering up $1,000/month to healthy men. Be aware, if you’re not a true thoroughbred, you won’t be paid as much!

62. Earn $400 Per Month as a Plasma Donor

Since there is no way to synthetically make plasma, you will be compensated for your donation. Rates vary from state to state, but you can make on average $400/month for only a few hours of your time….and blood.

I personally know quite a few people who are doing this and they all have positive things to say about it. Not only do they like getting paid the money, but it feels good to help provide something that will end up saving someone’s life. Full disclaimer: I don’t like needles at all so you will never see a personal review from me on this one.

We have a full list of where you can earn $400 per month donating plasma here.

63. Earn $40 to $80 per Hour as a Cuddler

Ah yes, cuddling. This is an actual real job and I recently saw it featured in a news segment. People are paying for up to 3 hours of platonic hugging (and they pay a lot). Job requirements: enjoy hugging strangers.

64. Earn $40/hour to Pick up Dog Poop

Who likes picking up dog poop? Nobody. This is why you can get paid for it. I did this interview on our local news channel about a guy who now makes a full-time living picking up dog poop.

youtube

65. Earn $20 to $50 Per Hour as a Rent-a-Friend

You can sign up for free at Rentafriend to be someone else friend both part-time and full-time with pay between $20/hr – $50/hr. Yes, this sounds very strange from the outside looking in, but a lot of times you are helping someone get acquainted in a new town, meet a new group of friends, or simply have a cup of coffee with. Most importantly – friendship is always platonic (no touching).

The Old School Side Hustles

These are some of the classic side hustles that we call the easy peasy ones. If you are looking for simple, but yet effective, these are the side hustles for you.

66. Earn $15/hour Babysitting

If you like kids and don’t go out on the weekends, become a babysitter. Advertise to all of your friends (and Facebook Friends) that you will watch their kids so they can have a date night. New to the area? Then get connected with Care.com to become a certified/recommended babysitter in your area.

67. Earn $15/hour Dog Walking

Create this ad: “Love your dog but simply don’t have time to walk them? Let me help you!” There will always be someone willing to pay to keep their doggy happy, and this person is you. However, if you want to sign up through a dog walking marketplace, try out WagWalking.com.

68. Sell Drinks

I live in Phoenix where it will hover at 116°F during the summer. During the hottest weeks, there is a guy who sells snow cones and water for a premium.

I asked him how business was recently – he smiled and said “Business is gooooooood”. Buy a case of water at Costco for $0.12 a bottle and resell them for $2 wherever it is HOT. Who wouldn’t pay $2 for ice-cold water during the dog days of summer?

69. Make $25 to $45 Per Day House-sitting

Who doesn’t want to get paid for simply living in someone else’s house for a few day days? This is simple and people will pay you for it. You can think of it as a mini staycation too!

70. Make $8 to $10 Per Hour as a Mystery Shopper

Get paid $10 – $30 on average to be a mystery shopper. However, beware because there are a lot of scams out there. I recommend checking out Marketforce, Best Mark, and Intelli-101 before you head anywhere else.

71. Earn $500 to $1,000 Per Month Pet Sitting

If you truly love animals, then why not get paid to hang out with someone else’s dog or cat for the weekend? You can become a pet sitter at Care.com or specialize in only watching over someone’s pooch at Rover.

72. Sell ScrapMetal

Post in your social media or offer in the newspaper that you will come and take any scrap metal away for people. Not only could you make a few extra bucks for hauling away metal, but then you could sell it at a scrap yard. Double whammy!

73. Sign Spinner

Do you ever see those people standing on the corner, wearing headphones, oblivious to the entire world around them, and flipping signs in the air? They are making money and you can too. What about sign holder? Well, maybe you’re not the spinning type…

Takeaway on All These Side Hustle Ideas

Remember, a side hustle is a just that — a way to make extra money on the side.

You’re not going to get rich doing any of these. You may one day generate a lot income from a side hustle, but don’t expect that to be the norm in the beginning. But, if you’re looking to make $50, $100, $1,000 or even $2,000 extra per month, then the side hustles mentioned can help you get there.

Now I need your help…

If there are any other side hustles that you have done and have actually made money with, I would love to know about them. Simply leave a comment below and let me know what you did and how much extra you money you were able to generate.

I’m glad you found this post and good luck in your next side hustle adventure friend.

The Best Side Hustle Ideas When You Need Extra Money Now published first on https://mysingaporepools.weebly.com/

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