#8c id s33 ppl who'd say DECADES after they started self harming theyd still get urges 8ut i havent had ANY
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ahhhhh i :]]]]]!!!!!
#clove rambles#its 1230 am and hardly any8ody is awake so it doesnt f33l awkward to post this rn#8ut!!!!!!!!!!!!!#self harm#personal#IVE 833N FUNCTIONALLY CLEAN FOR LIKE NEARLY 2 YEARS NOW#AND IT MAKES ME SOSOSOSOSOOSOS INHUMANLY GLAD#it wassss an issue from 2015-2018 p much#early 2019 i think it was still an issue 8ut was dying off#and as the year went on i did it less and less and less and less#and i did it. Once in early 2020. 8ut it didnt give me literally any of the ''''good''' f33lings that make u k33p selfharming#i was just like ok lol this sure is a physical sens8ion of pain lmao and i havent done it since#and its just. so comforting to know this isnt an issue for me anymore; at least not at this point in time#8c id s33 ppl who'd say DECADES after they started self harming theyd still get urges 8ut i havent had ANY#like sometimes i get guilty over smth and im like URUGHUGHGHHH I SUCK 8ut IT TURNS OUT AS LIKE#THE SAME EXACT EXPERIENCE OVER REMEM8ERING AN EM8ARRASSING THING U DID SEVERAL YEARS AGO#IN THAT U REMEM8ER IT AND UR LIKE URUHGUGHGH FOR A FEW MINS THEN JUST CONTINUE GOING A8T UR DAY#honestly like 85% of me recovering was a total accident 8c id have trigger id 8e like oughguhghhhh i should sh#8ut im like ok i have to pause this song first or ok i have to clear out this notif first or ok i have to take out my ear8uds first#and i either get distracted WHILE doing the thing; get distracted on my WAY to do the thing; or forget and get distracted 8y that#and 8y the time i remem8er i was gonna sh im like oh. well. thats sad and i h8 having to cover my arms so no#if i even remem8er at all lol#its like u know my there is one person who will 8e with you constantly no matter what and you will spend your entire life with#and its you analogy#it f33ls very relevent with this 8c hey the person i live with wont hurt me randomly 8c i did smth dum8 or am having a hard time emotionally#its sooooososososo relieving and makes going a8t regular life stuff less stressful and its just. im happy i like this#take care of urselves lol
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