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#9 things if you include the 2 short stories i read this morning but havent gotten to doing the letters for
ambersky0319 · 5 months
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Screaming
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rainbowgoddd99 · 4 years
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♡︎Even at any moment You are always the sh*t ♥︎
Read it over and over every minute as much as you need just keep going you can it’s okay if you think you can’t you can you can you can you CAN!!!! Take it easy one by one you definitely can. If you can’t focus on your own life then try to make another’s bright even if it’s just one word you can you can be that light until you find your own. You are strong you matter.
1. We would miss you.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.
11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.
12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.
13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again...
19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
20. Listening to incredibly loud music
21. Being alive is just really good.
22. Not being alive is really bad.
23. Finding your soulmate.
24. Red pandas
25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
26. Really soft pillows.
27. Eating pizza in New York City.
28. Proving people wrong with your success.
29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
31. Being able to help other people.
32. Bonfires.
33. Sitting on rooftops.
34. Seeing every single country in the world.
35. Going on roadtrips.
36. You might win the lottery someday.
37. Listening to music on a record player.
38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
39. Taking really cool pictures.
40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
41. Hearing crazy stories.
42. Telling crazy stories.
43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
45. Travelling to another planet someday.
46. Having an underwater house.
47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
49. Trampolines.
50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.
51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
53. People do care.
54. Treehouses
55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse
55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
56. I don’t even know you and I love you.
57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.
58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!
61. Starbucks.
62. Hugs.
63. Stargazing.
64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.
65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.
66. Now you could change the world.
67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.
68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.
69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.
70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.
71. Making snow angels.
72. Making snowmen.
73. Snowball fights.
74. Life is what you make of it.
75. Everybody has a talent.
76. Laughing until you cry.
77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.
79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down .
80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.
81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
83. One day your smile will be real.
84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.
86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
87. Eating crazy food.
88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.
89. Sleeping in all day.
90. Creating something you’re proud of.
91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit.
92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate.
94. The new season of Sherlock.
95. Cuddling under the stars.
96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?
98. Being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years.
99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen at any moment, make the most out of your life, life seems so long but short, enjoy it, do whatever you want, break a bunch of laws, travel the world, change your style, help others, do things that make you happy. Who gives. FUCK what people say or judge you about just bark at them. Have a good mindset and you’ll be ok. I love you <333333
You got this yeah that seems shallow to say but hell YOU GOT THIS you do look at you I mean you’re amazing it’s okay to not feel it from time to time but you’re important yes the hell you are fuck those voices you are important you are you matter you mean something on this world you exist the world know it you have helped so many so let them help you back now yes pain hurtsss so much it really hurts and it feels like it’s never ending it makes you not have a thing to look forward to but you know what it’s not forever it’s not I know that’s not the best to hear when you are in such pain but you can do this you can do it even if you can’t see light pretend there is one if you can’t then just laugh an laugh an laugh because one day that laugh will be real and you’ll look back an just amazing wonder just how you did it and that’s because you’re strong you are also remember these thing you are valid you are you matter and you are godam awesome you learn with everything it makes you stronger it molds you so when you find your destiny you’ll be really it just sucks with uncertainty there’s so many versions of you and each is amazing each can do this each an every one you will definitely see light again it’s coming just taking time on your path because it’s so amazed by the greatness it’s seeing and soon you’ll see just want it did you got a life you really do you got one dangg you do! It’s amazing it really is it can be tiring definitely it wears you down just know you won’t be tired forever
You will look up one day and breath and that air will be so clear
You will see just what life really is and that’s
Wonderful
Full of different experience
There’s pain
There’s regret
But there’s discovering new things
Obsessing over dumb things
Life is not horrible it’s not amazing either at then end of the day life is life it’s random an definitely unexplainable but it’s for you an only you emotions will get to you but some things need you to some things you’re there destiny and you yourself have a great destiny you got this I mean it I know you do now cry scream get mad regret do it all!!!!!!!! But know you really do got this you are strong and you YOU CAN LIVEEEE!!!!!!
Not today not tomorrow either not ever okay
You got this you have so many rolls left
You can smile
Fuck it lol if any one ever is over it just say fuck it
I made this for people that in every bodies eyes is amazing and make them feel better and people suffering with mental issues I made this for people who don’t go out enough that they are losing vitamins in there body and are causing physical damage to there body because you can’t get up in time to do normal things like pee I want you to know I know it’s not a joke I know it hurts and I know half of you suffer alone or try to do masking techniques you have been taught. Others are out there and sure there are some that try to understand and relate and that’s very nice that they try but I get that in them doing that it makes you feel more and more bad they mean no harm tho remember that they aren’t you so they have no clue what they do. There is some there just like you it’s true. You just have to find them.
It's your life fuck anyone who tries to have a say in it you all are your own main mother freaking character you all are.
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zombiesama · 6 years
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Tagged by @punkrockgrandpappy
Relationship Status: Taken
Favorite Color: A Very Specific Color Palette that includes: Dark red, deep teal, tan, brown, and navy blue
Lipstick or chapstick: Neither *finger guns* Im allergic to both, fuck yeah
Three favorite foods: Potato soup, fishsticks, rice!
Last song I listened to: Nico’s character song .-.
Last movie I watched: I think it was Tamako Love Story
Top 3 shows: Nanbaka, NCIS, and probably K-ON!!
Book(s) I’m currently reading: asjlfdhkdlsfj none. I havent read anything in months. I am reading the Nanbaka manga though
Last thing I googled: ‘Nanbaka Nico’ ... I needed art refs
Height: 5'2"-ish  
Time: 9:56pm
Song stuck in my head: None atm. Last night my brain was playing Rin! Rin! Hi! Hi! on repeat though
What are you wearing: teal tanktop and grey shorts. was wearing my fave black skirt, but took that off when I took a nap earlier. IDK where it went. I think I was wearing a sweater this morning but w/e
How many blankets you sleep with: anywhere from 0-5 Last night was 2. I slept with one when I napped earlier. A couple nights ago was 4 purely bc I was anxious and needed Support(TM)
Dream Trip: Japan but bc of my allergies that is unrealistic, so I wanna go to Germany!! I’m learning German too 
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iamsarsa · 7 years
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Selphie headcanons
What does their bedroom look like? Selphie’s current apartment in Ul’dah is pretty messy. Books strewn about, bottles of gysahl wine *everywhere*. Papers scattered. She does like having art on the walls - and also a giant moogle statue that she stole “just cos.” She basically uses her apartment to sometimes sleep in, mostly just to store loot she does not currently need. Her Inn room however at the Forgotten Knight is pretty clean. Just the few essentials she needs. When Haurchefant was alive and would visit her, she would attempt to make it more “home-y” which led to her odd obsession of always having flowers and other weird objects she thought made a place a “home” 
Do they have any daily rituals? She bathes without fail, every morning. As soon as she gets up. Does not matter where she is, she will find someplace to clean herself. She does not like to be dirty! (This extends to her eating habits - for being such a boisterous person, she eats very daintily) I wouldn’t say this is daily, but it’s definitely a ritual habit she does every few days (she doesn’t go more then 2 days), in that she will usually make her way to Haurchefant’s memorial spot and sit there for a few hours.
Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? Haurchefant got her into exercising and before his death she would do squats/running with him, (occasionally he could convince her to do more, and regretted it almost immediately when she pushed herself too hard to do more push ups then him.) She still does this, but not quite as often 
What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? Just go eat somewhere, she doesn’t cook very often to begin with so she has no problem eating out at inns.
Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) Her apartment is a mess, mainly because she uses it as a dumping place for any spare loot she does not need. Personally she’s very clean, always taking baths, even when she was still a rogue on the street - she would single out noble’s apartments where she knew they would be gone for a while so she could use their shower and steal their things. She heavily dislikes being dirty in any sense. After any serious battle where she gets extra grimy, she will just go and soak in a bath for hours if allowed. 
Eating habits and sample daily menu Answered
Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time gold saucer, and just in general fucking with rich people. Sometimes when she wants to be alone she’ll just go on walks by herself and sit/lay down underneath the sun. She doesn’t like to waste time perse, as she is always sort of kind of on the run, she likes to keep busy, but she considers everything she does to have a reason behind it, even if it wasting time.
Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging Alcohol and sweets. Her favorite drink is Gysahl wine and will FIGHT anyone for it she does not care. She feels anybody should be allowed to indulge so long as it doesn’t get out of hand (as it does with nobles.) If you work hard - it’s good to indulge. And just because you may be poor doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the right too.
Makeup? Not really. Maybe a little bit, and she would certainly dress up and wear make up if she needed too to infiltrate the nobles. but for the most part, no.
Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? She is neurotic about making sure 129A is safe, and can blend in with Eorzeans. To the point where people are like “you’re making up really dumb plans because you’re freaking out.”  Also again, the cleanliness thing. 
Intellectual pursuits? Eh, she’s fairly smart already due to her clone nature. However most of the knowledge given to her was obviously battle related and mostly related to Garlean history. So she enjoys learning about the other City-States, the history of Ul’dah, Limsa, Gridania, etc. She studied Ishgard heavily when she met and fell in love with Haurchefant (becoming slowly angrier and angrier at the injustice on the lower class.) She also has a slight interest in Allagan history, considering what she is and how she was made, but is hesitant to learn more.
Favorite book genre? History. and Romance. She’s a sucker for crappy cheap romance novels, and will absolutely 100% read pervy ones as well. 
Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I don’t think Selphie really cares either way. However, she only really becomes sexual with those she truly loves and cares deeply for. So I guess demisexual, but it really does not matter what parts there are. If you manage to get her to love you, she’s open and willing. 
Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) Her lavender hair has white streaks, and her... i wanna say it’s right i can’t remember off the top of my head, her right eye is white. As a clone made via Allagan technology, her body is subsisted by aether - a lack of aether will cause her to become ill, memory loss, and the gradual lack of her own personality - she would eventually become nothing more then a doll. When she was still held by the Garleans, they gave her regular aether treatments as she was the prototype and they did not yet know how to create a clone body capable of simply syphoning off aether in the world. (This was fixed with 129A’s model class.) She has to regularly inject herself with aether treatments to stave off any side effects (which she genuinely hates) She claims to be allergic to ALL vegetables but this is a lie and she just hates eating them.
Biggest and smallest short term goal? biggest: not being captured by Garleans, smallest: get a decent nights rest for once.
Biggest and smallest long term goal? Biggest: not dying amid the chaos. smallest: be as proficient with her fists as she is with daggers. (aka be as good a monk as she is a ninja)
Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress She typically favors tight fitting clothes, that are easy for her to move around in. Often shorts, thigh high boots to run in and the Arachne Shirt of Scouting. She has tried to wear this same outfit in Coerthas/Ishgard, and to a certain extent *can* (her body can withstand quite a bit, but she still feels cold and doesnt like the feeling. That and Haurchefant insisted she wear something warmer and she begrudgingly accepted.)She can, and does dress up to infilitrate noble events, although 9/10 she feels uncomfortable in all of it. She does enjoy wearing the Scion top that Tataru had made her, and often wears it to any meetings she may have with the Scions, or if she needs to meet anyone on behalf of the Scions.  She doesn’t really have any “rituals” other then again, she cleans her clothes pretty often, more often then most rogues from the street would. She does have a necklace she never takes off, from Haurchefant. She hides it so no one can see it, to deter thiefs/it breaking off/people asking about it. 
Favorite beverage? Gysahl Wine. She has a stockpile where ever she is staying (a larger one at her apt in Ul’dah) and always has a flask of it on her.
What do they think about before falling asleep at night? Haurchefant, Aea, what she’s going to do next, how best to protect everyone. she’s a night owl to begin with (obviously, thief.) so when she does lay down to go to bed, her anxieties keep her up even more.
Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? No, as she was never a child.
Turn-ons? Turn-offs? She hates nobility, (she is grudgingly nice to Haurchefant’s father if only because Haurchefant loves him, she is indifferent towards his brothers, although she warms up to them after his death.), so don’t even try hittin her up if u a rich asshole. Being dirty even in the slightest. Turn on - idk i havent rly thought about this LOL
Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Answered
How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? She’s not really organized at all. She keeps track of things in her head, nearly always refuses to write things down. She’s fairly good at this, she has a good memory. but there are times where she forgets where she needs to be, or where something is. 
Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? As stated above she does love history - while her Garlean history knowledge was implanted in her as a clone, she strives to learn about Eorzea and would rather forget the Garlean crap.
How do they see themselves 5 years from today? She just hopes she’s not dead or alone.
Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? Her plan was to disappear and let people fill in the blanks, hopefully presuming she was killed. However she was convinced that was a dumb idea and would do absolutely nothing. Her current plan is to just try and hope for the best as she continues to help the Scions. 
What is their biggest regret? Being unable to save Haurchefant and then Aea. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think “well what if i...” 
Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? The now... deceased Aea. While she attempts to consider 129A her best friend, she knows its not quite the same as the Aea who knew her like the back of her hand. Enemy - the Garleans.
Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) She’d probably be able to, surprisingly, calmly assess the situation and deal with it accordingly. She does well in these situations where there’s no immediate danger to her or the people she cares about, however in the case of the below....
Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) She can’t handle it. As evidenced by Haurchefant and then Aea’s death. Aea had to essentially pull her away from Haurchefant’s body as Selphie could barely move, let alone speak. After a few moments of having been pulled away, and being eerily silent she instantly switched and had to be physically restrained because of how angry she became. She basically loses all control of her emotions. When Aea died, it felt like all time had simply stopped for her. Because she had to quickly escape to not die herself, she didnt quite have the time to react the same way she did with Haurchefant. But as soon as she was safe and away, she quickly lost control, but couldn’t bring herself to harm 129A, she just ended up angrily punching the ground before collapsing into tears.
Most prized possession? Most likely her necklace from Haurchefant. And all her alcohol.
Thoughts on material possessions in general? She doesn’t mind them, she knows the comfort that material possessions can give - but she doesn’t think it should be the life long pursuit. 
Concept of home and family? She considered home to be where she and Aea could sleep and be safe. When Haurchefant was alive, she considered the Inn room at the Forgotten Knight that they shared to be a “home” She basically considers home to be wherever the people she loves are at.  Her only family is Aea/129A and begrudingly Kuj’a. but she also believes that a family is one that you make - doesn’t need to be blood. 
Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) She’s a private person about her specific past - she’s tight lipped about where she came from. who she really is etc. But everything else? She is the BIGGEST blabbermouth. She does not care. Do not tell her that you started hooking up with so and so she will get drunk and loudly tell you how proud she is. When she and Haurchefant first got together, they had a drink at the Forgotten Knight and she spent 30 minutes telling everyone how much she loved him and in what WAYS she loved him. She once couldn’t help it and straight up told a noble in Ul’dah who was whining about a recent robbery that she was the one responsible. Honestly it’s a wonder she hasn’t been caught by guards because she quite frankly, does not care.
What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? She doesn’t really consider anything she does a waste of time... everything she does has a purpose even if it’s relaxing. 
What makes them feel guilty? The deaths of Haurchefant and Aea.
Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? She’s both. She usually does take fighting pretty seriously, and in  heavy serious battle with no emotional connection to her, she’s able to make pretty quick-thinking logical decisions thanks to her programming as a clone. However... she is also pretty impatient and has been known to just run into battles because of greed. (See: Aurum Vale when she thought Goldvine was actual gold.)  When it comes to personal decisions she is 100% emotional. She will not think things through. See - her straight up flying into a rage when confronting Ser Zephirin to kill him for killing Haurchefant, without thinking “hm maybe i should think of a strategy before i get myself killed.” no she just straight up tries to brawl and stab him in anyway possible. When it came down to protecting the Scions, and trying to make sure nobody would get hurt due to her connection the Garleans, she did not go about that logically either, thus coming up with the dumb idea to fake her death.
Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? I would say Type B, while she is rather competitive, if she does end up losing she’ll just kind of brush it off and be like “yeah okay whatever...” she may sulk, but it doesn’t stress her out. The competition itself is what excites her.
What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Going on a good robbing spree of nobles in either Ul’dah or Ishgard.
Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Naw, Selphie can be pretty conceited but she doesn’t think she’s better then anyone else. (Other then nobles)
How misanthropic are they? Not at all, she enjoys being around others.
Hobbies? Answered.
How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? No formal eductation unless you count things being programmed into her during the cloning process. Everything else is is self taught from living on the streets. While she was able to be self taught, she realizes she had the headstart of being a highly capable clone created using Allagan tech. So she believes everyone should have the chance to have proper formal teaching.
Religion? She believes in the Twelve/Hydaelyn same as anyone else. Obviously moreso as the Warrior of Light. She does have a certain love/hate relationship with it because as a clone she wonders if she’s even really a person. (Much to Thancred’s annoyance because why the hell would Hydaelyn choose her as a Warrior of Light if she wasn’t!!!) Her birth deity is Rhalgr, 
Superstitions or views on the occult? Not really. She does try and stay away from darker magic and arcane arts of Thaumaturgey and black magic as it kind of skeeves her out. 
Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? Deeds absolutely. She rarely if ever will tell someone she actually enjoys them or likes them. If she’s nice to you - she likes you. She rarely outwardly told Haurchefant she loved him (often times would just sort of hide her face in him and mumble it into his chest) but he quickly figured out the quirks she had that meant “i love you”
If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? Haurchefant. LOL. No but he really was the ideal person for in that he believed in her, but he was also a very calming presence that was able to handle her nonsense. Thancred believes in her as well, but he’s not quite as calm and collected as Haurchefant could be, although she loves him all the same - it just means he’s less able to keep Selphie under control when she’s acting out of line. (And with the original Aea gone as well, yeah Selphie is not quite kept as under control as she should be.)
How do they express love? Little things like “did you sleep? did you eat?” she’d often bring snacks to Camp Dragonhead for Haurchefant. (Insisting that they were just “extras she had.”) She is also a very touchy-feely person to those she loves.. She won’t say I love you, but she’ll hug the moment she sees the person she loves and at night time she’ll curl alongside them and won’t let them go. It’s a pretty obvious thing because for the most part, she doesn’t like touching people. She gets put off by other people hugging her, or trying to shake her hand or whatever. But if she loves you, she wants to feel you. There were plenty of times Haurchefant would wake up in the morning to leave, only to find a Selphie clinging onto him still fast asleep.  When she does say “I love you” she almost always mumbles it and gets embarrassed. 
If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? She does have pug/monk training, she’s pretty skilled. She learned how to fight mainly on the streets though, so she can be vicious and sometimes sloppy. 
Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? Answered
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