#95% of clinicians don’t do forensic work and have a very low threshold for this kinda stuff so I’d feel bad to tell them too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jujuubee · 2 years

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Sometimes I really do wonder if I’m going into the right field. Bc it’s like, I’m very desensitized to absolutely horrible things occurring bc of my job & having to study some of the worst crimes in history but then it’s like, I get to a case every now and then & mt stomach hurts so bad and I feel such grief over what happened. And I can’t get it out of my head for days. Some of the crime scene photos are still burned into my brain. And it’s just like, how much more desensitized do I need to be 😭 and is that even healthy? You need to have some capability of emotion to do this effectively but bro, emotions have to completely shut off after some point when all you are surrounded by on a daily basis is just the worst shit possible

#but then it’s like #this is also my passion and I can’t see myself doing anything else #but if I sit across from these people in some of these truly visceral cases #knowing it’s my job to try and help them #idk #idk how you’d do rhat #especially considering you can’t show any emotion toward their action #how do I listen to that shit w a straight face #and it’s like in my life rn #I’ll study or encounter the most fucked up traumatic and brutal crime #and I won’t feel better until I talk about it #but I don’t want to hurt the people around me bc if it’s bothering me it’ll defirjelt bother them #& even if I got a therapist for purely this reason #95% of clinicians don’t do forensic work and have a very low threshold for this kinda stuff so I’d feel bad to tell them too #so what now 😭#toughen up I guess LMFAO #doing a paper on a crime that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about for probably 6 months now #and while doing the research required I’m finding out about equally horrible and sometimes even worse crimes #and I keep having to take breaks (besides just from my adhd) bc it’s actually so heinous to keep reading and seeing and having to #write academically about #so I guess I’ll kill myself!!#in aboht 3hrs of tryna do this rn I’ve probably only actually worked for 30-45mins

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