#ALSO MIKE LOOKING AT WILL AND THINKING HE'S BEAUTIFUL VS LOOKING AT JANE AND THINKING SHE'S CUTE LIKE

[heartsburst]

MIKE FINDING THE LEAF WILL CRUMPLED THE OTHER NIGHT AND ADMIRING ITS BEAUTY WHEN WILL CRUMPLED IT SO NO ONE COULD ADMIRE ITS BEAUTY ANY LONGER

[celsidebottom]

Some of my favorite lines from RQGG today (minus the bits where they read things in character because there are already so many)

“The banana forests of Scandinavia”

“Baby Empty.  YEET”

“#DropTheChild”

“Alexander Jail Newall”

“Tell me of the ghost rotor”

“We still got to use the ruler and that’s valuable in and of itself”

“The secret is the fourth dimension”

“The subgame of removing the bodies”

“Oh look!  Jonny’s named someone Michael!”

“When I give you guys power… boy do you go ham”

“HE’S A BAD COW”

“Sean Bean is an ancient being”

“Helen’s being filthy!!!”

“What’s a lead in line for Sean Bean?  Oh, bastard.”

“The cow has replaced everything”

“It’s really simple: Sean Bean is older than time itself.  He’s also fifteen people.  You are one fifteenth of Sean Bean. “

“Spies are inherently sexy”

“Convene the beans!”  “Bean con!”  “By all means, convene the beans!”  “The scene of beans has been seen”

“All aboard the tea trolley”

“Let’s round up some children”

“On stream, we’re family friendly so no families are dead”

“Three strong, northern, craggy dads”

“Immersed amongst the present spikes”

“I’ve got lots of money under my clothes”

“If there’s one thing I like more than money, it’s naked poor people”

“Come with me into the sexatorium”

“Our sexatoriums are drastically underfunded”

“The coolant pigs”

“My cat believes I am so incompetent that he brought me a marinated pork loin with a bit of cheese on top”

“I’m ready to Santa… the proper way”

“There are Macedonian… cosplayers…”  “Not in Sheffield!”

“For the sake of time, I’m just going to say you failed”

“Visit the north!  We’ve got above average schools!  Do you like cities?  We’ve got a few!”

“Imagine a three piece hazmat suit”

“It’s neck o’clock! Ding ding ding!  Everybody get some neck!”

“I love standing on dogs! Boo me some more!”

“Are you guys up for some mounting?”

“He starts and possibly never ends”

“Too much mounting. Not good for the health.”

“We got some Canadians here? Has Michael Buble come out of hibernation yet?”

“I would wash you like a mummy cat”

“I’ve taken up an extreme sport, say, sky punching”

“We do not speak of the bolo tie.  It is America’s greatest shame”

“I would make you a delicious deodorant pie and kill two birds with one stone.  And maybe you!”

“That I want to lick your armpit during sex is a bad thing?”

“I like stabbing people. Who would you stab, and why?”

“Cars Movie 5: Weird Sex Car”

“No third party lubricant for this guy!”

“You can’t get a good crumb on a child”

“That cacophony is the screams of our fans”  “Aww, that’s so personal!”

“I never took any anatomy classes.  I hear that was good call”

“CORN SMUT”

“Interwstong”

“What’s the difference between most people and dragons?  They don’t fireball themselves”

“Bryn looks like a cross between seventeen corgis and a whole ass dragon” vs “Bryn looks like a cross between a welsh cake and a tomato”

“My family is like Tim: just tremendous” vs “My family is like Tim: Insufferable and omnipresent”

“That cow looks scared of something.”  “It’s probably the knives”

“‘I’m Tim Meredith, I’m a high brow comic!’”

“I like my sex like I like my hummus: with peppers!”

“I came up here in good faith!”  “That was your first mistake.”

“You have to be Boris Johnson forever.”  “That’s the worst fate ever!”

“Zolf can swear! Struck by fucking lightning!”

“If I’m not directly talking I’m not interested”

“He’s a prospector with glorious thighs.  She’s an actual snake.  Haunches and the Snake.  Coming to CBS this fall to be immediately cancelled.”

“Haunches is a good character, you shouldn’t have given him to me.”  “You gave me a beer, it’s fine.”

“Fuck!  Piss!  Shit! They’re all on the table!  Oh no”

“Regular bits Tim”

“You keep your beautiful, chiseled face out of what we have”

“Where the fuck is the pickle?”

“You’re a half pint of horse shit.  You know that?  I take it back.  Full pint.”

“It’s a game about playing cards and trying not to make an erotic atmosphere, Tim.”

“You draw one and then you play?”  “You draw one and then you play.”

“It wasn’t a joke I just like the tiny island”

“It’s pickles all the way down”

“Lovecraft can take it, he’s dead.  Good.”

“I need the wet”

“When’s the last time you pitched a bail of hay, you fraud?”

“I think the last vaguely country thing I did… was carry a load of dead birds”

“Jane Prentiss?  Super good character.”  “I gave those worms a home!”  “And I have the world something to do!”

“This game is a thicc boi”

“This game is a chonky, chonky boi”

“I explained that I work with a podcasting company and she walked away very quickly, so, waitress at Nando’s, thank you for that”

“[A relationship is] not a competition, it’s a fight to the death”

“These are the traits I don’t want Alex to have”  “Insomnia went in the pile, that’s interesting”

“You’re a young ish man”  “That was a very big ‘ish’ and a very quiet ‘young’”

“Marriage is a lot like poker”

“‘I’m over my head in deadlines.’  And then I have a PTSD flashback to my actual life.”

“Aren’t relationships just sexy networking?”

“You ask a man if you can hold his baubles once…”

“Mike is now crowd surfing naked… Unfortunately, the cameras can only pan so wide… I think that’s his hand waving…”

“I’m not used to having emotions, I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Those wholesome bastards are gone now!”

“Asking for a friend.”  “You don’t have friends, Tim”

“I’m going to shuffle slow just to piss off Mike.  It’s just because I’m drunk… I am not abusing the alcohol!  We are in a consensual relationship!”

“A safe play by a safe man.”  “Saucy”

“Deal me in, motherhuggers”

“He knows how to play! That’s cheating!”

“What are we playing?”  “Doesn’t matter.”

“I got dukes coming out the butt!”

“Got dummy thicc stacks”  “Forgive me for being anti-meme but I’m going to take from your stacks… they’re thicc with one c.”

“I don’t trust you.”  “Why do you keep casting me as people who kill people?”  “Because I don’t trust you! What about this doesn’t check out?”

“I’m going to coup Alex because I don’t like having a job”

“Other gods, deities, and belief systems are available.”

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

October 13, 2020

MIKE LEE: DEMOCRACY ROBS MY MONEY AND LIBERTY

Utah Sen. Mike Lee is an authority on the Constitution — just ask him. “Democracy does not appear in the Constitution and we are not a democracy,” he tweeted. (We are not making this up.) Lee had quarantined himself in his kids' treehouse after testing positive for Covid-19. He may have received the same steroids as President Donald Trump, who sounded agitated when he phoned Fox News and screamed that Sen. Kamala Harris is a “monster” and a “communist.” Lee's neighbors told others in their ward they heard Tarzan-like yodeling from the treehouse. Later a woman was seen looking up in the tree, saying, “I'm not Jane.” But we digress. Lee continued tweeting: “rank democracy threatens liberty, peace and prosperity.” But if you think Lee's loincloth was riding up then, get a load of this: “The far right does not merely view progressive taxation, regulation and the welfare state as impediment to growth, but as fundamentally oppressive.” OK, Wilson, drumroll please. “A political system that truly secured freedom would not allow the majority to gang up on the minority and redistribute their income for themselves.” And then the neighbors heard Tarzan calling the elephants: “Ungowa, ungowa. Abulu, abulu,” which, by the way, is not in the Constitution, either.

FASCIST VS COMMUNIST IN UTAH'S 4TH DISTRICT RACE

Holy tamale, have you seen the election campaign TV ads for Democrat Ben McAdams and Republican Burgess Owens. According to the spots, McAdams is very scary and sets police cars on fire and Owens has gone bankrupt so many times he can't even get a checking account. If you live in the 4th Congressional District, your choice is between Nancy Pelosi's personal lap dog or a graduate of Trump's school of finance. Of course, this is very serious, because if McAdams is reelected, socialism will sweep through and we'll all be eating borsht and drinking cheap vodka. But if Owens unseats him, we'll have to go around saying, “Hiel Trump” and eating bratwurst. What happened to the good old days when candidates didn't prevaricate quite as much. No Wilson, “prevaricate” is not a bodily function. In 2016, McAdams had the 'Ben Bus' ads where people would say, “I'm with Ben,” and hop on. This year, he just goes into old people's living rooms and tells them they most likely will die if Owens is elected. For his part, Owens' TV ads show all kinds of people who say, “Burgess Owens is Utah — and has a wonderful investment plan just for you.”

WHY WE HATE COLUMBUS DAY

Beyond the fact that you can't get a bottle of booze in Utah on Columbus Day, it's just a stupid and lame holiday. In Elementary School we learned that Columbus discovered America in 1492. Wrong — all Columbus discovered was the Bahamas and Hispaniola. A year or so later, Spanish explorer Amerigo Vespucci discovered Rio de Janeiro. Hence the name America. But neither of those guys got near the United States. The dude who came closest was Leif Eriksson, who landed in Newfoundland, just up the street from Maine. Than was around 985 — 500 years before Columbus or Vespucci. Do we have Eriksson Day? Of course not. Eriksson, we know, was a Viking — folks remembered for plundering and partying. What would Erikkson Day look like? Well, it no doubt would beat the hell out of Columbus Day, which in the end is just a pain in the ass. Some people actually hate Columbus Day because he represents all the European explorers who brought new diseases that killed off many thousands of indigenous people. The white men enslaved and killed the natives in many other ways, too, and the whole, damn New World went straight to hell and now we have traffic jams and bad muzak in shopping malls and cancer from fast food. Thanks, Columbus.

Post script — Wanna get away? Drive aimlessly into the desert, feel the fresh air on your face and welcome that beautiful quiet. Smell the sage and listen to the meadowlarks sing up and down the scales. After a couple of weeks you might begin to relax and enjoy simple pleasures, like the moon rising gloriously over the mountains each evening. You wouldn't worry about Covid-19 or Donald Trump. There wouldn't be a thought about those militia guys in bad camo with ARs strapped to their chest who look like they might try to kidnap someone, a governor, maybe. And then, it might dawn on you that this country has gone totally bat-shit. So you might go looking for the Goshute Indian Reservation out by the Deep Creek Mountains. You might say to them, look we screwed you guys over and everything, but would it be alright if we stay. And then maybe you'd go native and drop off the grid and none of those horrible people could find you. Well, as Jake Barnes said to Lady Brett Ashley in The Sun Also Rises, “It's pretty to think about.”

OK, Wilson, that about does it for another week here at the Smart Bomb Ranch, where buckaroos and buckarooettes are always welcome to dip their cup into the well and whet their whistle with agua fresca. So get your fiddle and the guys in the band and take us out till next week:

He came dancing across the water With his galleons and guns Looking for the new world In that palace in the sun On the shore lay Montezuma With his coca leaves and pearls In his halls he often wandered With the secrets of the worlds

And his subjects Gathered 'round him Like the leaves around a tree In their clothes of many colors For the angry gods to see

He came dancing across the water Cortez, Cortez What a killer

( Cortez What A Killer — Neil Young)

PPS — During this difficult time for newspapers please make a donation to our very important local alternative news source Salt Lake City Weekly at PressBackers.com, a nonprofit dedicated to help fund local journalism. Thank you.

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 11 September 2017

Just one favourite this week: Ninjak #0 by Matt Kindt and Francis Portela (with MJ Kim, Khari Evans, Roberto de la Torre, Sija Hong, and Juan José Ryp). Published by Valiant.

Ninjak #0 provides a capstone to Matt Kindt’s run with the character, giving both an encapsulation of Ninjak’s history to date and one final mission to propel the series further into a more in-depth exploration into the Ninja Programme and legacy, before handing the character off to Christos Gage and Tomás Giorello for their new Ninja-K series.

I very much like how Kindt plays with time in this story. After firing an arrow on the first page in the present, the book’s pages are bisected by that arrow’s path, with the top telling of the events immediately leading up to that first page--illustrated by Francis Portela--and the bottom offering snippet’s of Ninjak’s history--illustrated by MJ Kim, Khari Evans, Roberto de la Torre, Sija Hong, and Juan José Ryp. (You can see an example above). It’s an interesting and effective way of delivering a lot of simultaneous information and narrative at once and I was particularly impressed by everyone involved.

As time on the top converges with the arrow, the structure reverts to a standard one timeframe narrative as it leads into a teaser for the new Ninja-K series from Gage and Giorello.

Like with the previous recent zero issue offerings for Bloodshot Reborn and Divinity, this serves as an excellent primer for people interested in the character and in jumping into the Valiant Universe.

Quick Bits:

All New Wolverine #24 wraps up the “Hive” arc guest-starring the Guardians of the Galaxy and Leonard Kirk’s tenure as artist on the series. This arc was fun, with Tom Taylor delivering some very nice and heartfelt interactions between Laura and Gabby, as well as continuing to present some strong characterization with Rocket and Groot.

| Published by Marvel

Amazing Spider-Man #32 is a single issue story of Norman Osborn trying to reclaim his Green Goblin persona. It’s an interesting look into Osborn’s drive and potential, with some absolutely beautiful artwork form Greg Smallwood & Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by Marvel

Birthright #26 provides a jumping on point as it begins a new story-arc. It’s fairly exposition heavy, but Joshua Williamson still makes it feel interesting, even to old readers since there’s a bit of a shift since the last issue. As always Andrei Bressan’s art is beautiful.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Deadpool #36 is a transitional issue from Deadpool working for “Stevil” Hydra Cap and the forthcoming Despicable Deadpool, closing out some old plot threads and sending off the remaining supporting characters, while setting up Wade’s new status quo of reluctantly working for Stryfe. As usual Gerry Duggan mixes in humour while ultimately making Deadpool a tragic figure. 

| Published by Marvel 

Doctor Strange & The Sorcerers Supreme #12 is a fitting send-off to a series that still feels gone to soon. From Javier Rodriguez to this issue’s Nathan Stockman, the series has been great artistically, and this issue’s sideways widescreen format is well appreciated. Robbie Thompson also brings it back full circle to how this excursion started in last year’s Doctor Strange Annual by closing on the “Not So” Ancient One’s journey.

| Published by Marvel

Grass Kings #7 is still an inscrutable beauty. Part crime drama, part mystery, part family drama, part treatise on loyalty and community in an extremely independent society, Matt Kindt and Tyler Jenkins have something special here. This issue adds another layer to the problems that they’ve been having with Cargill, while more explicitly breaking open the mystery of a potential serial killer and giving us some more details on what happened in Bruce’s past that led him to coming home to the Grass Kingdom.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Gwenpool, The Unbelievable #20 is going to mess with your head. In a good way.

| Published by Marvel

Hulk #10 brings Mariko Tamaki’s second story-arc to a conclusion. I can’t say I enjoyed it as much as I did the first, but there have still been some entertaining moments. The character interaction between Jen and Patsy being particularly strong. 

Also, like the previous issue, the art shift part way through detracts. Both artists, Julian Lopez and Francesco Gaston, are good, but their styles kind of clash. Lopez uses a thick line and somewhat realistic style similar to Jesus Saiz, whereas Gaston has a thinner line and a bit more angular, stylized character composition--much like Georges Duarte, who started this arc. 

| Published by Marvel

Kill or Be Killed #12 pushes Dylan further into darkness, even without his little demon friends whispering not-so-sweet nothings into his ears. As always, Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips are creating a compelling, nuanced story month in and month out. There’s also some good development in Dylan and Kira’s relationship, but, as per the original dissolution, I’m expecting the other shoe to drop sometime soon. 

| Published by Image

Mech Cadet Yu #2 brings Yu and his adopted Robo back to the Sky Academy, where he’s officially accepted as one of the cadets. The story beats are pretty standard coming of age, living through adversity by being a fish out of water, ruffling the feathers of the establishment-type thing, but Greg Pak never allows it to feel old. Yu and his Robo are just too likeable characters to not enjoy seeing their advancement and acceptance. It also helps that Takeshi Miyazawa’s artwork is wonderful. 

Despite not being published under one of their more all-ages imprints like Boom! Box or kaboom!, this series remains something that I think that kids would get a lot of enjoyment out of as well.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Old Man Logan #28 is a work of art. I don’t know who made a pact with the devil in order to consistently get this level of artwork out of Mike Deodato Jr., but whatever they did since at least the Jeff Lemire Thanos series, Deodato has been producing some of the most beautiful, thoughtful, and compelling work of his career. He’s been a great artist for more than twenty-five years in the industry, but his work lately has been absolutely next level. His shading, page layouts, character designs & staging, and panel transitions are practically a masterclass on the art form.

| Published by Marvel

Pestilence #4 unveils some secrets as we head towards the conclusion. This has been a fairly bloody and brutal tale of knights vs. zombies from Frank Tieri and Oleg Okenev and it’s not letting up. It delivers a nice satisfying crunch.

| Published by Aftershock

Redlands #2 jumps the series ahead to modern day, fleshing out the sisters’ characters and the world that they live in, having pretty much taken over Redlands, Florida following the bloodbath back in ‘77. We’re still left a lot of details out, but we’re given a better look at some of the things going on, as a game of murderous cat and mouse between the sisters and an unknown potential blackmailer unfolds. Jordie Bellaire and Vanessa Del Rey are creating something interesting here and I’m definitely hooked to see what happens next.

| Published by Image

Retcon #1 is...something, I’m not really sure what. Interesting, though, certainly, and something I’ll continue to read for a bit. Ostensibly this is about a team of supernatural beings working for the government, but the interview in the back and the title suggest something else. If anything, the artwork from Toby Cypress is worth the price of admission alone. Still not sure what to think of the story.

| Published by Image

Sacred Creatures #3 again challenges me to decide whether or not I like Pablo Raimondi’s mix of traditional comics art with photography. I’m leaning towards yes.

| Published by Image

Secret Warriors #6 kicks off a two-part arc with the members of the Warriors back on their own. The bulk of the issue is devoted to Daisy tracking down who murdered Coulson and it leads to some humorous exchanges. Who would have known that life model decoys are anatomically correct?

| Published by Marvel

Spy Seal #2 feels even more like a European funny animal book than the first issue. To me it feels like Rich Tommaso is doing a take on something like Tin Tin, but with an anthropomorphic seal, and it’s just wonderful.

| Published by Image

Transformers: Lost Light #9 gives a kind of closure, or at least a transition, to the Natuica/Velocity/Skids character and story arcs. It’s kind of bittersweet when you consider the implications and I expect that James Roberts will undoubtedly revisit this somewhere in the future. Also, the reveal of who the “Grand Architect” is at the end of this issue is pretty epic.

| Published by IDW

Uncanny Avengers #27 is a pretty straight-forward conclusion to the team’s confrontation with Graviton. It’s mostly action, but there are some character moments cementing that this team can still work together fairly effectively. The artwork from Sean Izaakse again is very nice.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Babyteeth #4, Black Science #31, Clue #4, Curse Words #8, The Damned: Ill-Gotten #4, Defenders #5, Dread Gods #2, First Strike #3, Genius: Cartel #2, Ghost Station Zero #2, Harrow County #25, Hellboy & BPRD - 1955: Occult Intelligence #1, InSEXts #13, Jane, Lumberjanes #42, Mage: The Hero Denied #2, The Realm #1, Riverdale #6, Rocket #5, Rose #6, Runaways #1, The Shadow #2, Shadows on the Grave #8, Slam!: Next Jam #1, The Sovereigns #5, The Spirit: The Corpse Makers #4, Star Wars #36, Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #12, TMNT Universe #14, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #24, Venomverse #2, War for the Planet of the Apes #3, Weapon X #8, Winnebago Graveyard #4, X-Men Blue #11

Recommended Collections: Britannia - Vol. 2: We Who Are About to Die, Elektra: Always Bet on Red, Kingpin: Born Against, Saucer Country, TMNT - Vol. 17: Desperate Measures

d. emerson eddy believes that uptown funk is going to give it to you. Don’t believe him? Just watch.

[maplemarcher]

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better.

Name: Adreanna! (please call me Addy though)

Nicknames: I go by Addy, which is actually a nickname. Others include Addsabelle (my grandma), Sir Stinksalot (my step-dad, he’s weird), Princess (my girlfriend), and...so fucking many weird ones my mom has given me. She used to call me Apple Jane a lot

Zodiac Sign: Taurus yo

Height: 5′ 5′ (I think?)

Orientation: Bisexual, with a heavy, HEAVY preference for girls. Like if you had a pie chart of how much I like girls vs how much I like boys, it would be like 90% to 10%. Idk why exactly. Probably has something to do with every guy I’ve ever had a crush on being a douche in one way or another (and rejecting me every time lol) But girls are soft and pretty and wonderful I love them so much. I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world. I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

Ethnicity: I am very white. Scottish, Polish, and German, though none of that really holds any significance in my life. I don’t have any family traditions except for unhappy marriages

Favorite Fruit: Pineapple probably. I really like grapes though and Pink Lady apples too. Oh and cantaloupe and clementines!

Favorite season: Autumn. All the way autumn.

crunchy leaves

sweaters

beautiful leaf colors!!! like!!! where I live has a lot of trees on a lot of hills, so looking out the window at a hill full of red and orange and yellow and brown makes my heart go “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

brisk weather

fall fashion is the best (I don’t participate in fashion as I am a whale with legs but everyone else looks beautiful)

perfect weather for hot drinks

APPLE CIDER

Thanksgiving!!!!

Halloween!!!!

bugs start to fuck off right back to hell where they belong

summer is ending. summer can fuck off I HATE summer

no longer sweating and dying

overcast skies, gloomy days, rain!!!!!

gray, cloudy, rainy days are,,, my reason for living

Funny thing is I actually don’t like pumpkin spice anything except for pumpkin pie guess I’ve gotta up my white girl game

Favorite Book: What the fuck kind of question is this. You come into my house. And you ask me to pick between my children.

This answer is really, really complicated. I love so many books for so many different reasons. I love Harry Potter because it’s what got me into reading longer series. I love Binge by Tyler Oakley because it helped me be more open-minded and was a big part in helping me discover what my sexuality was and that I was okay. I love The Hobbit because it was a book that helped me escape life and that taught me that caring about home and hearth is a good thing to do. I love the Warrior cats series because I fucking love cats and it was one of my first introductions to more adult situations (in terms of violence, death, grief, and loss). I love The Giver because it made me cry my eyes out. I love The Martian because it made me laugh. I love every Shel Silverstein book ever written because they made me feel like a kid again and that being a child at heart is okay. I love Journal 3 because Stanford Pines is a character I love with all my heart. I love the Percy Jackson series and most of its spin offs because I love mythology and modern aus. I love the Septimus Heap series because it was such a different, wonderful, beautiful approach to magic and wizardry that made me feel warm inside. I loved Entwined because...I just loved Entwined. (It’s a twisted fairy tale kind of deal with The 12 Dancing Princesses and one of the best things I’ve ever, ever read, hands down). I love A Series of Unfortunate Events because I have a dark sense of humor and because it makes me feel better about my life.

Books were basically my only friends growing up. People didn’t like me because I was fat, or because I didn’t want to play outside very much, or because I had only ever really talked to and hung out with my mom and my step-dad, so I had a more mature sense of humor and personality overall.. Friends came and went, but books never went anywhere. Books stayed. Junie B Jones always stayed with me. Jack and Annie always went on magical adventures that let me learn about history. Every character I met along the way stayed with me, even if they died, because I could pick them up off of a shelf and read their adventures again. I don’t read as much as I used to, because I spend a lot of time on the computer, but I’m working to change that. Books have always been an escape for me, and I’ll continue to love their stories until I die.

Favorite Flower: Roses! It’s a tie between red and pink roses. I also really like tulips!

Favorite scent: My girlfriend’s perfume. I think it’s sweetpea or something? Idk, but it always smells really nice. And I just like the way my clothes smell after I come home from spending the night at her house. It’s like her perfume, laundry detergent, and something that’s either wood or stale cigarette smoke.

Favorite color: Pink. Soft, pastel pinks.

Favorite animal: cats, red pandas, owls, wolves, penguins, cats, dogs (pugs in particular, I LOVE pugs!!!!), foxes, moose, narwhals, dolphins, orcas, eagles, hummingbirds, blue jays, orioles, lions, tigers, basically any big cats...I just love animals. If it’s soft, fluffy, or cute? Fuck yeah I love it

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: As much as I love coffee...tea, probably. It’s just so relaxing to sit curled up under a blanket with a cup of tea and relaxing. Plus my girlfriend and I make tea whenever I go over to her house, so it holds a special place in my heart :)

Average Sleep Hours: Okay, so...if I ever got up on time, I’d be getting like five hours of sleep a night, which is fine. But I oversleep. Every. Fucking. Day. So usually seven or eight.

Cat or Dog person?: Cats. I love dogs with all my heart and I want one someday, but if I had to choose between a cat and a dog I’d choose a cat because

1.  TOE BEANS

2. purring

3. the kneading thing they do?

4. I love love LOVE the sound of a cat meowing. so cute. so gentle.

5. cat loaf

6. smaller and easier to manage

7. don’t have to walk them

8. if they need to pee in the middle of the night they just. use the litter box. you don’t need to get up and let them out

Favorite Fictional Character: 

Star vs the Forces of Evil: Star Butterfly, Marco Diaz, River Johansen Butterfly, Moon Butterfly, Ludo, Toffee, Buff Frog (I don’t know how to spell his real name :( )

Steven Universe: Pearl, Amethyst, Peridot, Greg Universe, Connie, Steven

Gravity Falls: Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Stanley Pines, Stanford Pines, Soos, Wendy Corduroy

Yuuri!!! On Ice: Yuuri Katsuki, Viktor Nikiforov, Yuri Plisetsky, Phichit Chualont

Check Please!: Eric “Bitty” Bittle, Shitty Knight, Adam “Holster” Birkholtz, Wlliam “Dex” Poindexter, Derek “Nursey” Nurse, Chris “Chowder” Chow, Jack Zimmermann, Alexi “Tater” Mashkov, Justin “Ransom” Olransi

Harry Potter: Luna Lovegood, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasely, Ron Weasely, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Minerva McGonagall, Neville Longbottom, Molly Weasely, Fred and George

Sailor Moon: Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Moon, Sailor Chibi Moon, Luna

Fullmetal Alchemsit: Brotherhood: Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Riza Hawkeye, Roy Mustang, Ling, Greed (when he’s in Ling), Olivier Mira Armstrong

Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit: Bilbo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Pippin Took, Eowyn, Aragorn, Thorin Oakenshield, Fili and Kili, Aragorn

Disney princesses: Ariel, Moana, Rapunzel, Anna, Elsa, Belle

Homestuck: Terezi Pyrope, Dave Strider, Jade Harley, Jake English, John Eggbert, Vriska Serket, Roxy Lalonde, Karkat Vantas, Jane Crocker

Percy Jackson (among other Rick Riordan things): Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood, Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson, Nico DiAngelo, Leo Valdez

Winnie the Pooh: Winnie, Eeyore, Tigger (I know this one seems silly but Winnie the Pooh is such an important thing to me you don’t understand)

Voltron: Allora, Shiro, Pidge, Kieth, Lance, Coran, Hunk (basically the paladins and Allora and Coran I love them all)

Avatar: the Last Airbender: Katara, Zuko, Sokka

Miraculous Ladybug: Ladybug, Chat Noir, Adrien Agreste (don’t fuckin hate on me they’re the same person but different characters)

A Series of Unfortunate Events: Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire, Sunny Baudelaire, Lemony Snicket, Uncle Monty

Hamilton: Eliza Schuyler Hamilton, John Laurens, Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton

Stranger Things: Mike Wheeler, Eleven, Barb

i just,,,, have a lot of love for fictional characters,,,, there are more I’m sure, but I can’t think of any

I connected with a lot of these guys on a deep personal level. Like with Amethyst, I understand why she feels the way she does because I’ve gone through struggles of self-hatred and thinking I was a mistake. I love them all, but there are those few who I just feel like they were...made for me I guess.

Number of Blankets you sleep with: Just my comforter, but before I got my space heater in my room I’d sleep with two blankets, an electric blanket, and my comforter. My room used to be an attic, so it has like no insulation. Plus the heating ducts that go to my room are SUPER shitty, so barely any heat comes out of my vents. Now I’m just used to being cold XD But I don’t like sheets D: Even in the summer, I have to have my big comforter...sheets are too flimsy. Idk, I find the weight of a comforter or heavy blanket comforting.

When I was little though, I remember taking every blanket I owned and piling them on my bed in the winter...and I slept in a sleeping bag, on my bed, under those blankets! XD I miss that sleeping bag. It was a really pretty blue and was really warm...

Ideal Trip: going to New Zealand or England or the French countryside or somewhere with a lot of greenery. Staying somewhere where I can relax and stay in bed all day if I want to or go find things to do in the city or town or wherever is close by. My girlfriend being with me and being able to relax somewhere quiet with her where I can watch the sunlight stream across her face every morning and kiss her all over her face until she wakes up. Somewhere I can relax and not worry about what tomorrow brings; somewhere I can let my troubles float away.

Blog created: December 2014. I can’t believe I’ve been dicking around on here for almost three years.

Number of followers: 396. That may not seem like a lot to some people but??? That’s basically my graduating class??? And you’re all just here watching me shitpost about whichever one of my fandoms is relevant and cry about shit and post really fucking awful art and???? Whether you’ve been here since the beginning or just joined, thank you for hanging out with me through the internet! And if you’ve read all of this, thanks! You now know a lot more about me than I’ve ever said on here =w=

Okay now I have to tag people!

@97thebaluga @all-aboard-the-scream-train @ruled-by-jupiter @4899slayer @squirtlethosejigglypuffs @personalposting @universesinhermind @goddamnit-ross @awkward-fangirl-artist @youaremyrock-mydwayne-myjohnson @epic-leprachaun @save-me-grunkle-ford @civilizedhomosexuals @ninja-sparkle-party @assbutt-novak @howstrangeeveryonewas @not-what-everyone-seems @owlbear-dont-care @psychokumachan @2-many-fandoms-2-count

If I tagged you, don’t feel obligated! I realize some of you are mutuals and I like, never talk to y’all. I’m sorry :( I’m just bad at initiating conversations. Feel free to send me a message if you want to though! I love getting asks and IMs, it makes me feel good inside UwU

Thank you for reading! (and sorry this is so long jfc)

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2016.

Yes, indeed. It’s that time of year again - This year is going to be a lot like last year unfortunately. I’m going to do another blast through a few films that deserve ‘special mention’, then just lay my Top 25 of 2016 out.

No long introduction. No 50 – 26 countdown like previous years. Let’s just bang straight on. Every film mentioned in the preceding paragraphs is well worth seeking out and experiencing whether it be a comedy, documentary, horror, drama, animation or blockbuster. The Top 25 that follows them though is obviously the one’s I regard as absolute must-see’s!

In terms of comedy I seemed to get a great deal more out of Hail, Caesar than most and was genuinely surprised by how hard a ‘cash-in’ sequel like Bad Neighbours 2 actually tried instead of going down the usual route of phoning it beat-by-beat. I liked Sleeping With Other People a great deal and thought Alison Brie gave easily one of the Top Ten best performances of the year. I thought both Goosebumps and Lazer Team were a great deal more fun than they had any right to be, and I thoroughly enjoyed the mixed-tone of The Mermaid though it was a long way off from the majesty of Kung Fu Hustle.

Unlike a lot of people, I seemed to think it was a strong year for documentaries. Two hit my Top 25 in joint position and then there was the horrifying depiction of college rape cover-up in The Hunting Ground which demands to be watched as part of a double-bill with Netflix’s jaw-dropping Audrie & Daisy. Netflix also had a great year in getting Amanda Knox out there which was an engrossing watch but couldn’t help but feel slight. Both The Barkley Marathon: The Race That Eats Its Young and Man VS. Snake (a sort-of sequel to The King of Kong) both finally landed on UK shores and were more than worth the wait. As did Welcome to Leith which was a staggeringly uncomfortable watch that plays out like a found footage horror film – until you remind yourself that it is 100% real. Finally there was Marathon: The Patriot’s Day Bombing which is every bit as moving and upsetting as you would imagine it to be.

Drama-wise, I was very impressed with Lamb and the performances in it. It skirted a line so deftly you don’t know quite whether to slap the label “paedophile drama” on it or whether that is missing the film’s point altogether. Disorder was an extremely solid if unexceptional home invasion type thriller but excels by proving to be one of the most accurate depictions of PTSD captured on film. I liked Room a great deal and was delighted to see the talents of Brie Larson were finally knocked into the stratosphere. As much as it lost its way towards the end, I had a lot of time for John Hillcoat’s Triple 9 which is filled to the brim with talented actors (and Kate Winslet!) doing strong work amidst some truly tense and well-executed set pieces. Ben Wheatley may make uneven movies here and there but he never makes a boring one and High Rise holds true to that. As chase thrillers go, the indie thriller River is well worth a watch just for its unrelenting sense of pace. The heavily maligned and (production) troubled Jane’s Got A Gun turned out not to be the turkey many envisaged and was in fact enormously watchable thanks to strong work from its cast. Norway took on the disaster movie to great B-movie effect with The Wave, Money Monster was a watchable and fun siege-style movie that shouldn’t be taken as importantly as it wants you to. And finally Goat is well worth seeking out. It’s horribly uncomfortable stuff but needs to be seen just for the double-whammy of an excellent Jonas Brothers’ performance AND a tolerable appearance from James Franco.

On the horror front, I was genuinely impressed with both Under the Shadows and The Witch, the final third of both films are ones that still linger and leave me feeling uncomfortable even now, months on. In a year quite barren for old-fashioned ‘creature features’, I sought comfort in and had a great time with the Aussie killer-dog exploitation-er, The Pack. Mike Flanagan absolutely knocked it out of the park with the Netflix exclusive, Hush, and I look forward to seeing it again. I’m normally no fan of the ‘anthology’ movie and there’s certainly a lot of awful ones out there but I was really taken with Southbound and, unlike a lot of those movies, didn’t find a weak link within it. On that note, I’m no fan of the ‘found footage’ movies nowadays but The Good Neighbour proved to be an effective gem that kept me guessing in terms of where it was going and has a typically strong, stoic performance from James Caan. For its first two thirds I was a genuine fan of Lights Out and thought it was on point to secure its place as my favourite horror of the year. Then it floundered into crassness in its final denouement and the film sadly come undone for me.

Animation wise, I liked both Kung Fu Panda 3 and Finding Dory way more than I thought I would given their purpose as ‘cash-grab lazy sequels’. Both found new ways or ideas to light up what should be tired concepts (the former taking a Seven Samurai style ‘train a village to defend a village’ approach and the latter utilising Ed O’Neill’s octopus character to break up the monotony of a beat by beat re-tread). Finally there was Kubo and the Two Strings whose structural issues in its final third were the only things keeping it from an appearance on my final Top 25. It’s a stunningly beautiful piece of work with some tremendously inventive moments (the face-off with the giant skeleton is one of the year’s best sequences!) and I’ll probably become more forgiving of its flaws with further re-watches.

Finally, on the ‘big’ blockbuster-esque front, I enjoyed Jon Faverau’s The Jungle Book a great deal on a technical level but felt flattened by the young lead actor’s VERY ‘stage school-y’ performance. I also thoroughly enjoyed the return of Jason Bourne and feel churlish for grumbling that it is only ‘very good’ instead of an ‘instant classic’ like the first three. It’s all very same-old, same-old in places but it brings out the big pay-off with its Vegas-set car-meggedon finale. I thought Doctor Strange was a tremendous accomplishment in bringing that particular character to the screen and for the most part I got a lot of entertainment from it, but for me Benedict Cumberbatch and that god-awful accent just didn’t work for me. One of the blockbuster surprises of the year was Star Trek Beyond which – bad writing aside (Simon Pegg tends to write very cloth-eared dialogue) – turned out to be relentlessly entertaining and full of gusto in all the ways the inert second movie was not. Possibly the biggest surprise even over that movie though was The Shallows, which was considerably better than it had any right to be. A big, high concept, one location, survival movie with a transfixing performance from Blake Lively, this plummets into the realms of stupidity in its final confrontation but all that goes before it is an absolute B-movie joy! Deadpool was a delight that hopefully blasted the cobwebs off of the comic book movie subgenre with a lead performance from Ryan Reynolds that finally cements his years of being underrated. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story most definitely came good midway into its second act and slowly evolved into one of the best blockbusters of the year, but what went before it was so unnecessarily choppy and uneven that it took a bit too long to settle in for the ride. Netflix’s Siege of Jadotville was a terrifically enthralling Zulu-type true life war movie that far too few seem to have taken the time to check out and far too little are bestowing praise upon. It’s well worth a look. Finally there’s Kill Zone 2, an – in name only – sequel to the Donnie Yen / Sammo Hung martial arts classic. This time Tony Jaa heads up the cast for a head-spinning action extravaganza involving prison kick-offs, organ trafficking, shoot-outs and so much more. It’s a genuinely brilliant blast of action cinema. You don’t have to have seen the first Kill Zone either by the way. They just slapped that sequel title on this unrelated movie.

And now, without further ado, here’s my Top 25 movies of 2016 that - thanks to some blatant cheating on my part - is clearly a Top 27 as I just could not be drawn to pick between the best documentary and the best horror...

25) The Invitation

I went into this sniffily, half paying attention, just so I could rip the terrible guy from Prometheus a new bum-hole and... boy did it start to slowly grip me. Anyone who says they saw the final act coming is a liar. And that final image? One of they year’s most haunting!

24) Victoria

An entire film made up of one take - no cuts - ends up being one of the most enthralling and technically captivating films of the year. It’s lazy to just call it a ‘heist movie’ when it is offering so much more.

23) Keanu

Utterly disrespected on its UK release, this is a must not just for Key & Peele fans but for fans of legitimately funny, laugh-out-loud comedies. This is the sort of film that you see and start passing around amongst your friends as a sort of “You’ve GOT to see this!” secret gift. It’s all the more a must-see in light of George Michael’s death. You’ll see.

22) Tickled / Weiner

I genuinely could not call it between these two documentaries. Both are astounding pieces of work. Tickled takes you from a place of “I ain’t watching no documentary about competitive tickling!” to “Ok, whah! Hold up! What’s going on?” to actual “What. The. Fuck.” And Weiner? Well Weiner is all the more a must-watch in light of revelations that Anthony Weiner could well have inadvertently taken down Hillary Clinton’s campaign for president. It is a total jaw-dropper of a documentary in the sense that you continually question not just how the makers got this level of access but how they were allowed to carry on filming during some of the scenes presented. The McDonald’s scene could well be both the most degrading scene of the year and one of the year’s best action sequences.

21) The Wailing

One part ‘possession’ movie. One part Korean police procedural. Two parts horror movie. And finally one part ‘mystical battle of good and evil’ epic. This is an absolute blast of a film that grabs you extremely early on and holds you tight for its lengthy running time. You never know what’s coming next and that makes the scares - when they drop - all the more strong. Go in knowing as little as possible, and give yourself over to it completely.

20) Zootopia

There was absolutely nothing about this movie (entitled Zootropolis everywhere but the UK, bizarrely) in its marketing that made me think it was something I a) needed to see and b) had not seen done a hundred times before: Cute Disney animals riffing on some well-worn subgenre of cinema to uneven effect. But this was REALLY something different; playing with the police procedural and the beats of the standard buddy movie, this ends up being an excellent lesson in tolerance, racism and persecution. It’s a joy from start to finish.

19) Everybody Wants Some!!

I went into this under a swell of hype because everything Richard Linklater puts his name to seems to get an immediate seal of high quality nowadays. I was really reluctant towards it because I just thought “M’eh. He’s done Dazed & Confused. How good can this actually be?” And you know what? Believe what you hear. It’s a real delight.

18) Arrival

Ignore the trailers that try to sell you this as some sort of Independence Day type movie. Read up on as little about it as you can. Go in completely cold. Give yourself over to it and pay close attention. This movie will get deep into your headspace, warm your heart and change your perception of how the human mind sees and comprehends structure and storytelling for a long time to come.

17) The Revenant

We seem to have thrown the Oscar at Leonardo DiCaprio and pushed this film to the side but in doing so we forget what an absolute tremendous piece of work it is on a visual and technical level. You cannot conceivably discuss the best cinema had to offer this year and not involve this epic revenge ‘poem’ in the conversation.

16) Sausage Party

I really wanted to dislike this. I did. I saw all the reviews and high word-of-mouth and I absolutely thought half the western world was off their fucking rockers, so to speak. But this really is THAT much fun and it absolutely is that hilarious. Not every joke works and when they clunk they thud. Yet there’s more hits than misses - and you’ll not see a better talking food movie about religion and existentialism this year!

15) Hell or High Water

They’ll sell you on this being an ‘all guns blazing’ heist thriller just to get you through the door. But, in reality, this is a thoughtful spin on the ‘greedy banking crisis’ told as a surprisingly elegant modern western. Chris Pine, Ben Foster and Jeff Bridges are all universally excellent. And the final scene is a slow burning, mature reward for your investment. 

14) 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

Written off as political propaganda upon its release, this is actually one of Michael Bay’s best movies with a remarkable performance from John Krasinski. It’s a bombastic, relentless, gory, engaging and exhilarating piece of work and I think time is going to be kind to this movie, more than people realise. It’s the best war movie of the year but I think it could go on to be considered one of the best modern war movies of the decade.

13) Bone Tomahawk

Quite possibly the best ever bait-and-switch since Robert Rodriguez took his crime thriller to the ‘Titty Twister’, this is a fabulous assured old-school western with superb turns from Kurt Russell, Richard Jenkins, Patrick Wilson and (yes) Matthew Fox. If you know nothing about this already, go in that way and... well... try to survive! Good luck! 

12) Spotlight

A good old fashioned procedural movie that plays out like the true life dramas of the 1970s - Pull together a great cast, have them go off a great script based on an enthralling real incident, keep the direction clean and unshowy and just sit back and let the results come together as they should. One of the best dramas of the year. Totally deserved of its Oscar, in my opinion.

11) Eddie The Eagle

Absolutely NOTHING about this movie should work in the least. It’s a true life sporting underdog tale where pretty much 95% of the ‘facts’ are unashamedly fictionalised. It’s got a lead performance that you have to warm to because it takes a while to get past the gurning. It’s apparent Hugh Jackman is only there to help the budget... and yet, within the first few beats of the film’s epically retro soundtrack, you are hooked into one of the loveliest and warmest films of the years. It’s very much an explosion of feel-good cinematic hugs.

10) Midnight Special

A father kidnaps his son from the religious cult he’s been held at the centre of and takes him on an obsessive quest to get to a very specific place at a very specific time. That’s all you need to know right there. Seek out nothing else. Head on into a viewing of this with just that information and lie back in the warm embrace of masterful storytelling.

9) The Hateful Eight

Tarantino’s playful homage to both John Carpenter’s The Thing and Agatha Christie’s storytelling of old is a thoroughly impressive piece of work, lauding over its love of its own dialogue, brazen performances and showy directorial flourishes. It’s a ‘guess who’ that - whilst not as clever as it thinks it is - will certainly have you absolutely captivated. The thankfully short appearance from the painful Zoe Bell is the only flaw this otherwise exceptional chamber-piece offers.

8) The Big Short

The true story of the 2008 banking crisis as told by an all-star cast - in the style of a comedic heist movie? With celebrity cameos used as a glossary index? As told by the guy who directed Anchorman? Come on. This should never have worked. This should never have even been considered seriously. And yet, here it is and here it is as one of the best movies of the year. Don’t worry if you leave your first experience of it angry. You’re meant to.

7) Captain America: Civil War

Quite simply, the best blockbuster of the year by a large margin. In amongst the fast-becoming-impenetrable size of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Captain America movies have emerged (especially because of the double whammy of this and The Winter Soldier) as the franchise’s lynch-pin and high bastion of quality. This all-star beatdown should have, by rights, been the clusterfuck that snapped the wheels of the MCU. Instead it is one of the most insanely enjoyable blockbusters of the year and - with that airport sequence - the owner of the best action set-piece of the year! 

6) Hunt For The Wilderpeople

I was desperate to see this because of my adoration for What We Do In The Shadows and it genuinely did not disappoint. It’s funny, moving and really rather lovely with a very subtle but warm performance from Sam Neill that, by rights, should see him nominated for some awards come that particular season.

5) Don’t Breathe / Train to Busan

I couldn’t call it between these two as the best horrors of the year no more than I could between the documentaries. Train to Busan takes the (frankly exhausted) zombie genre, puts it on the tracks and sends it speeding off through a cavalcade of carnage, scares and truly brilliant action sequences. You’ll rip the arms of your chair and scream out loud watching this one. And Don’t Breathe is a truly exceptional reinvention of the home invasion movie in all the ways Busan reinvigorates the zombie movie. Jane Levy and Stephen Lang do work here that should, by rights, get them nominated for a boatload of awards - but sadly won’t because awards councils very rarely respect horror. Yes, it gets a little daft the higher up the dial they turn the tension but that doesn’t undo the fantastic work done here in setting up one of the geographically cleanest and leanest horror films of the year. 

4) Green Room

I love a good siege movie and Jeremy Saulnier most definitely delivers a great one. I was ‘in’ from the outset as I was a huge, huge, huge fan of Saulnier’s Blue Ruin but this more than lives up to expectations. It’s bigger than the ‘punks versus neo-nazis’ longline it hides behind. It is gruelling and gory and exceptionally tense. It is also driven steadfastly by another effortlessly brilliant performance from Anton Yelchin, who died far too young in 2016.

3) Creed

A SEVENTH Rocky movie after the stretch - a lovely stretch, but a stretch none the less - that was Rocky Balboa (aka Rocky VI)? A spin-off about Apollo Creed’s illegitimate son being coached by an aged Rocky? Oh come on! This sounds utterly awful! No better than that dire Rocky VI ‘spec’ script that appeared online in the late 90s with Rocky Jr taking on the son of Ivan Drago. But... But.. BUT, hold up! This film is the real deal. A movie made by die hard Rocky fans for die hard Rocky fans with the actual Rocky up, front and centre giving it his blessing every step of the way. It’s not just a thematic modernisation of the franchise but it is also a pitch perfect spiritual return to the raw, indie-style, rough-and-ready feel of the first classic. Stallone’s Best Supporting Actor nomination was truly deserved. His campaign might have been a little classless but the nomination was earned - if for nothing else that heart-breaking scene in the doctor’s office! 

2) Sing Street

NINE separate people recommended this film to me and I ignored every single one of them. I am not a fan of musicals. I’ve not seen Once. I lasted exactly 10 minutes into Begin Again. I watched the trailer for this, saw the lad from Transformers 4 in a bad wig and just thought “Eurgh! No!” Then a lad who’s opinion I legitimately respect pushed hard for me to give it a go and I threw it on as a 99p iTunes rental one rainy Sunday afternoon and... I was left in tears! It resonated hard with me in a lot of ways from my own childhood, growing up in the 80s. It’s really lovely and special and you can clearly tell that the people behind it are coming from a place of honesty and passion about that era and the music. It’s a fabulous little film and I have no qualms in admitting that I was wrong to pre-judge it.

1) The Nice Guys

I am an obsessive fan of all things Shane Black anyway but this truly was the absolute gift of the year for me. Not only was it a truly fabulous return to the well Black has played around in as director with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and writer with The Last Boy Scout and The Long Kiss Goodnight, it’s a film that will transform your opinion of what Russell Crowe is capable of. Featuring some of the strongest gags of the year, this is a deliberately convoluted shaggy-dog PI tale that slowly mutates from a comedy caper into a genuinely strong shoot ‘em up thriller. I loved it from its opening car crash gag right the way through to its sequel baiting final scene. A sequel that... just like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Last Boy Scout, The Long Kiss Goodnight, etc... we will NEVER GET TO SEE because APPARENTLY NONE OF YOU FUCK TRUMPETS TOOK THE TIME TO SEE THIS!

Rectify that now. “And stuff!”

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Kevin Wozniak on Kevflix: What’s Streaming This Month? – September

Here are my picks for the movies coming to Netflix, Prime Video, Hulu, Disney+, Criterion Channel, and HBOMax in September.  This month offers up many unique choices, from original films to Hollywood classics.

          NETFLIX

Full list of everything coming to Netflix in September can be found here.

  THE BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY (Robert Zemeckis, 1984/1989/1990)

A trilogy that is full of life, fun, and originality.

  THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME (Antonio Campo, 2020)

An all-star cast of Tom Holland, Robert Pattinson, Riley Keough, Sebastian Stan, Mia Wasikowska, Bill Skarsgård, and Jason Clarke lead Antonio Campos’ thriller about corruption and brutality in a postwar backwoods town.

  GREASE (Randal Kleiser, 1978)

A musical classic.

  I’M THINKING OF ENDING THINGS (Charlie Kaufman, 2020)

The latest directorial effort from the great Charlie Kaufman looks like a haunting mind-bender.

  MAGIC MIKE (Steven Soderbergh, 2012)

One of Steven Soderbergh’s best features a scene-stealing performance from Matthew McConaughey.

  NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE (Joel Gallen, 2001)

This comedy satire of teen romcoms is still hilarious and has aged quite well.

  RATCHED (Evan Romansky, Ryan Murphy, 2020)

I don’t usually post about shows on here, but a prequel series looking at One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest villain Nurse Ratched starring Sarah Paulson in the titular role sounds too good to ignore.

  THE SOCIAL DILEMMA (Jeff Orlowski, 2020)

I heard good buzz about this documentary out of Sundance 2020, as it looks at the power of social media and the effect it can have on the world

  WILDLIFE (Paul Dano, 2018)

Paul Dano’s directorial debut is a quiet and powerful look at a crumbling family in the 1950’s.

    PRIME VIDEO

Full list of everything coming to Prime Video in September can be found here.

    THE BIRDCAGE (Mike Nichols, 1996)

Robin Williams and Nathan Lane are marvelous in this Mike Nichols comedy.

  CASINO ROYALE (Martin Campbell, 2006)

The film that introduced Daniel Craig into the Bond franchise is also the best Bond film ever made.

  GEMINI MAN (Ang Lee, 2019)

Will Smith plays an assassin who is being hunted by a clone of his younger self in Ang Lee’s technical marvel.

  THE GRADUATE (Mike Nichols, 1967)

One of the greatest films ever made.

  JUDY (Rupert Goold, 2019)

Renee Zellweger won her second Oscar for pitch-perfect portrayal of Hollywood icon Judy Garland.

  KRAMER VS KRAMER (Robert Benton, 1979)

This Best Picture family drama features stellar work from Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep.

  PATRIOT’S DAY (Peter Berg, 2016)

Peter Berg’s harrowing account of the Boston Marathon bombing.

  HULU

Full list of everything coming to Hulu in September can be found here.

    ANY GIVEN SUNDAY (Oliver Stone, 1999)

Olive Stone’s aggressive, chaotic look at professional football.

  BABYTEETH (Shannon Murphy, 2020)

An emotional relationship drama with Ben Mendolsohn and Essie Davis giving two of my favorite performances of 2020.

  HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE/HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE GUANTANAMO BAY (Danny Leiner, 2004/Jon Hurwitz, Hayden Schlossberg, 2008)

Two-thirds of a classic stoner trilogy.

  HOOSIERS (David Anspaugh, 1986)

One of the greatest sports movies ever made.

  THE LAST BOY SCOUT (Tony Scott, 1991)

It’s directed by Tony Scott, written by Shane Black, and stars Bruce Willis.  We could call this the “90’s Trifecta”.

  PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE (Tim Burton, 1985)

Tim Burton’s debut film is utterly insane, yet absolutely brilliant

  PRISONERS (Denis Villeneuve, 2013)

Denis Villeneuve’s best film to date is a dark, disturbing crime thriller featuring incredible work from Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, and cinematographer Roger Deakins.

  THE TERMINATOR (James Cameron, 1984)

One of the greatest sci-fi movies ever made.

  THE TWILIGHT SAGA (Catherine Hardwicke, 2008/Chris Weitz, 2009/David Slade, 2010/Bill Condon, 2011/Bill Condon, 2012)

I’ve only seen one of these (I think New Moon?), but want to give them a whirl at some point.  Maybe now is the time?

    DISNEY+

Full list of everything coming to Disney+ in September can be found here.

    BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM (Gurinder Chadha, 2003)

A rousing, inspiring indie sports film.

  CHRISTOPHER ROBIN (Marc Forster, 2018)

A somber, sweet look at Winnie the Pooh and the 100 Acre Woods gang.

  D2: THE MIGHT DUCKS/D3 (Sam Weisman, 1994/Robert Lieberman, 1996)

D2 is the best of the trilogy, but D3 is pretty good and bit underrated.

  MULAN (Niki Caro, 2020)

You have to pay $30 to see this one, but I have a feeling Disney’s latest live-action feature is going to be worth is.

  NEVER BEEN KISSED (Raja Gosnell, 1999)

A classic 90’s rom-com featuring a delightful Drew Barrymore.

  THE WOLVERINE (James Mangold, 2013)

One of the best X-Men films and the BEST Wolverine movie (hot take).

    CRITERION CHANNEL

Full list of everything coming to Criterion Channel in September can be found here.

*The Criterion Channel does things a little differently than every other streaming service.  The Criterion Channel, a wonderful streaming service that focuses on independent, foreign, and under-appreciates movies, doesn’t just throw a bunch of random movies to stream.  They get more creative by having categories like “DOUBLE FEATURES” or “FILMS FROM…”, giving us curated lists of films that somehow blend together or feature a specific artist.*

    BOYHOOD (Richard Linklater, 2014)

Richard Linklater’s ambitious twelve-year project is one of the finest film accomplishments of the last decade.

  THE LOVELESS (Kathryn Bigelow, Monty Montgomery, 1981)

Kathryn Bigelow’s debut is one I have been dying to see and one I am going to check out as soon as it is available.

  THE COMPLETE FILMS OF AGNES VARDA

Agnes Varda was a true artist and Criterion has put all of her work into one comprehensive collection which features all of her feature length films as well as her short films.

  SATURDAY MATINEE

DUCK SOUP (Leo McCarey, 1933)

My favorite Marx Brothers film and one of the greatest comedies ever made.

  SATURDAY MATINEE

CHARLOTTE’S WEB (Charles A. Nichols, Iwao Takamoto, 1973)

A beautiful animated film based on the classic book.

    THREE BY ROBERT GREENE

Three provocative films from a master documentarian.

Actress (2014)

Kate Plays Christine (2016)

Bisbee ’17 (2018)

  DIRECTED BY ALBERT BROOKS

Albert Brooks is one of the greatest comedic minds we’ve ever had.  This block of films looks at his genius behind the camera.

Real Life (1979)

Modern Romance (1981)

Lost in America (1985)

Defending Your Life (1991)

Mother (1996)

  DOUBLE FEATURE: TEARS OF THE CLOWN

LENNY (Bob Fosse, 1974)

JO JO DANCER, YOUR LIFE IS CALLING (Richard Pryor, 1986)

Two unflinching films delve into the self-destructive dark sides of a pair of comedy legends. Lenny features Dustin Hoffman in a jagged portrait of Lenny Bruce.  In Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life is Calling, Richard Pryor draws on his own personal demons in the only narrative feature written and directed by the comedy legend.

  BY THE BOOK

A slew of films based on legendary books, from Great Expectations to The Hours and many, many more.

The Count of Monte Cristo (Rowland V. Lee, 1934)

The 39 Steps (Alfred Hitchcock, 1935)

La bête humaine (Jean Renoir, 1938)

Of Mice and Men (Lewis Milestone, 1939)

Great Expectations (David Lean, 1946)

The Killers (Robert Siodmak, 1946)

Anna Karenina (Julien Duvivier, 1948)

Oliver Twist (David Lean, 1948)

The Heiress (William Wyler, 1949)

The Passionate Friends (David Lean, 1949)

The Idiot (Akira Kurosawa, 1951)

The Life of Oharu (Kenji Mizoguchi, 1952)

Robinson Crusoe (Luis Buñuel, 1954)

Senso (Luchino Visconti, 1954)

Pather Panchali (Satyajit Ray, 1955)

Aparajito (Satyajit Ray, 1956)

The Burmese Harp (Kon Ichikawa, 1956)

Apur Sansar (Satyajit Ray, 1959)

The Cloud-Capped Star (Ritwik Ghatak, 1960)

Purple Noon (René Clément, 1960)

Zazie dans le métro (Louis Malle, 1960)

Divorce Italian Style (Pietro Germi, 1961)

Lord of the Flies (Peter Brook, 1963)

Tom Jones (Tony Richardson, 1963)

Charulata (Satyajit Ray, 1964)

Woman in the Dunes (Hiroshi Teshigahara, 1964)

Closely Watched Trains (Jirí Menzel, 1966)

War and Peace (Sergei Bondarchuk, 1966)

Memories of Underdevelopment (Tomás Gutiérrez Alea, 1968)

The Angel Levine (Ján Kadár, 1970)

Dodes’ka-den (Akira Kurosawa, 1970)

The Phantom Tollbooth (Chuck Jones, Abe Levitow, and Dave Monahan, 1970)

The Little Prince (Stanley Donen, 1974)

Picnic at Hanging Rock (Peter Weir, 1975)

The American Friend (Wim Wenders, 1977)

The Ascent (Larisa Shepitko, 1977)

The Getting Of Wisdom (Bruce Beresford, 1977)

Empire of Passion (Nagisa Oshima, 1978)

Watership Down (Martin Rosen, 1978)

My Brilliant Career (Gillian Armstrong, 1979)

Stalker (Andrei Tarkovsky, 1979)

The Tin Drum (Volker Schlöndorff, 1979)

Wise Blood (John Huston, 1979)

You Are Not I (Sara Driver, 1981)

Under the Volcano (John Huston, 1984)

Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (Paul Schrader, 1985)

My Life as a Dog (Lasse Hallström, 1985)

Betty Blue (Jean-Jacques Beineix, 1986)

An Angel at My Table (Jane Campion, 1990)

The Comfort of Strangers (Paul Schrader, 1990)

Europa Europa (Agnieszka Holland, 1990)

The Handmaid’s Tale (Volker Schlöndorff, 1990)

Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights (Peter Kosminsky, 1992)

The Castle (Michael Haneke, 1997)

The Sweet Hereafter (Atom Egoyan, 1997)

The Virgin Suicides (Sofia Coppola, 1999)

The Piano Teacher (Michael Haneke, 2001)

The Hours (Stephen Daldry, 2002)

Gomorrah (Matteo Garrone, 2008)

Almayer’s Folly (Chantal Akerman, 2011)

45 Years (Andrew Haigh, 2015)

Certain Women (Kelly Reichardt, 2016)

Zama (Lucrecia Martel, 2017)

    HBOMAX

Full list of everything coming to HBOMax in August can be found here.

  CLERKS (Kevin Smith, 1994)

Kevin Smith’s indie sensation is a masterclass in microbudget cinema.

  THE CONVERSATION (Francis Ford Coppola, 1974)

In-between The Godfather and The Godfather II, Francis Ford Coppola made this Palme d’Or winning thriller about a surveillance expert (a brilliant Gene Hackman) who has a crisis of conscience when he suspects that the couple he is spying on will be murdered.

  THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (David Fincher, 2008)

David Fincher’s gorgeous film about a man who ages backwards.

  DOG DAY AFTERNOON (Sidney Lumet, 1975)

Sidney Lumet’s best film features masterful work from Al Pacino and John Cazzalle.

  THE INVISIBLE MAN (Leigh Whannel, 2020)

Elisabeth Moss gives one of the best performances of 2020 in Leigh Whannel’s chilling remake of the Universal classic.

  JFK (Oliver Stone, 1991)

Oliver Stone’s brilliant account of the assassination of John F. Kennedy and the conspiracy behind it.

  JUST MERCY (Destin Daniel Cretton, 2019)

An inspiring film with excellent performances from Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Foxx.

  MIDNIGHT RUN (Martin Brest, 1988)

This crime-buddy-road movie is an absolute blast and features one of Robert De Niro’s most underrated performances.

  POINT BREAK (Kathryn Bigelow, 1991)

Kathryn Bigelow’s surfing-cop thriller is one of the best action movies of the 90’s.

  SNAKES ON A PLANE (David R. Ellis, 2006)

An iconic B-movie featuring a truly great Samuel L. Jackson performance.

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[eddycurrents]

Marvel Legacy is the next in a line of rebranding promotions from Marvel akin to Marvel NOW!, All-New Marvel NOW!, Avengers NOW!, All-New All-Different Marvel, All-New Avengers Marvel Brand New NOW! 2.0 NOW!ER 2099, and you get the idea. Usually these initiatives involve a relaunch of a bevy of new number one issues, a few new titles or a family of titles popping up out of a singular previously successful title, and occasionally some shuffling of creative talent. 

Marvel Legacy only really differs from this in that the titles aren’t being relaunched as new number one issues, rather they’re gaining “legacy numbers” with some series seeing numbers as if their first volume was never cancelled/relaunched. 

Also, many of the Marvel Legacy story-arcs, much like the ad copy and homage covers, look to tap into Marvel’s “rich history of storytelling”. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same as previous rebranding initiatives.

Marvel Legacy #1

Writer: Jason Aaron | Artist: Esad Ribić with Steve McNiven | Colourist: Matthew Wilson | Additional Artists: Chris Samnee, Russell Dauterman, Alex Maleev, Ed McGuinness, Stuart Immonen & Wade von Grawbadger, Pepe Larraz, Jim Cheung, Daniel Acuña, Greg Land & Jay Leisten, Mike Deodato Jr., David Marquez

Published September 2017

Marvel Legacy #1 functions a lot like the Point One issues that previous Marvel initiatives and relaunches have had, in that it focuses primarily on one central story, and then shows bits and pieces of the rest of the world spinning out into other titles.

Jason Aaron splits the issue into four main interwoven narratives.

The first was used as the selling point of the book and one of the primary marketing campaigns, the introduction of the “One Million BC Avengers”. It’s a team of gods and super-powered beings including Odin, Phoenix, Agamotto, an Iron Fist, a Ghost Rider, a Starbrand, and a Black Panther. Aaron sets them up in battle with a Celestial and, unfortunately, that’s all we really get of them. They’re interesting, but the story doesn’t go particularly in depth with them besides introducing them as the archetypes for the “hosts” we’ll see in one of the other threads.

The second narrative spins out of the one million BC flashback, with Robbie Reyes awakening thinking the events prior as being a dream. Then he gets attacked by Starbrand and most of this sequence remains a long, extended fight scene. In terms of story, it’s probably the weakest part of the book. While it’s heavy on action and allows the art the breathe, it’s a little disjointed. Robbie is displaying powers that he shouldn’t have (he’s technically not a spirit of vengeance) and Starbrand is acting wildly out of character. The former is addressed in story, so both are likely to be intentional character beats, but they don’t lead anywhere.

There is a redeeming quality of this thread, though, because it dovetails an excavation that leads to the modern day reveal of the Celestial. 

The third narrative begins with Loki rousing a band of frost giants to fight on his behalf, then spirits them away to a SHIELD storage facility. This follows a trio of legacy heroes in Jane Foster, Sam Wilson in one of his last turns as Captain America, and Riri Williams as they battle the frost giants trying to get whatever happens to be in the box Loki sent them for. It’s entertaining, and also allows Aaron to provide a gentle rib on legacy heroes sometimes not getting everything right through Riri’s inability to get “Avengers Assemble!” correctly. I also think that “Iron Ma’am” should be adopted over “Ironheart”.

Like the second narrative, this one dovetails a broader story with the return of a character lost for some time, along with what looks like an even larger quest than some solicitations have led us to believe. I won’t spoil the return, but it’s suitably epic. Especially in how Ribić handles the revelation. Just overall it’s a great sequence.

The fourth narrative provides the narration and glue to the issue. The reveal of who’s narrating the story, why, and how it ties together all of the disparate parts including the teasers isn’t revealed until the end of the book. It also features the return of a character I’ll not reveal, but it hints at something more hopeful, more optimistic coming in the future.

Aaron’s Thor: God of Thunder collaborator, Esad Ribić handles the lion’s share of the art here and it’s beautiful. Ribić is deft at action and the weird & wonderful world of gods and monsters, making the sequences with the “One Million BC Avengers” vs. the Celestial and Loki & the Frost Giants look amazing. The design for the Celestial itself is impressive, inviting many returns to its reveal page.

Matthew Wilson does an impeccable job with his colour work here. He changes styles and approaches to suit each sequence and each artist in the book, that you’d kind of think he’s multiple people. While much of the colour over Ribić’s work is somewhat ephemeral, the Ghost Rider/Starbrand sequences take on more bright primary colours, and the more explicit superhero portions show other textures and colour-schemes to differentiate them from the rest. 

Steve McNiven lends a hand to what looks like primarily the Jane Foster, Sam Wilson, and Riri Williams sequences at one of SHIELD’s storage facilities and it acts as an interesting counterpoint to the softer pages with Ribić’s work. It features more flat colouring from Wilson and acts more like “traditional” superhero art, adding a different take on the story. Where much of the rest of the book has an almost ethereal quality to it, these sequences feel much more grounded in reality.

The teasers for other forthcoming stories and characters are pretty nice. 

We get teases for Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Deadpool, Iron Fist, Doctor Strange, Norman Osborn, The Avengers, Thing & Human Torch, Black Panther, Totally Awesome Hulk, Jean Grey, Guardians of the Galaxy, and a few other hints here and there, and it serves its purpose fairly well in whetting your appetite for some or all of these stories. 

The art alone on these pages is incredible. Particularly the pages from Ed McGuinness, Pepe Larraz, Mike Deodato Jr., Chris Samnee, and Daniel Acuña. These tease really make you want to check out what’s coming in the other Marvel Legacy branded titles. It’s just a shame that in some cases these artists aren’t going to be the ones associated with the forthcoming titles.

It’s not a bad overview of some of the corners of the Marvel Universe, but I think some of the connectivity could have been a bit better in regards to why they’re being included in-story. There’s a reason revealed at the end of the book, but some of the vignettes seem disconnected.

Now, where Marvel Legacy #1 really fails is where it goes next. This issue is incomplete in its story and we don’t know where to look next. The one page vignettes by various artists are relatively self-explanatory, but the story of the 1 million BC Avengers? No idea. The narrative of Loki, the Celestial, and the legacy hosts? Likewise, there’s no indication where this is going to be picked up next. I have a feeling that some of it is going to be followed in the Phoenix Resurrection: Return of Jean Grey series by Matthew Rosenberg and Leinil Francis Yu and another part in Gerry Duggan and Marcus To’s All-New Guardians of the Galaxy, but there are no clear sign pointers.

For something that is meant to lead people further into the wide world of the Marvel Legacy relaunch/rebranding, not having a clear direction for the main story spinning out of the book, at least at launch, is highly detrimental. It just leaves people confused as to what and where they can read further stories. It’s well and good to promote the other Marvel Legacy titles, even obliquely or simply as text pieces at the back of the book, it’s another thing to introduce a major story and not give readers a direction for where to continue reading that story.

It’s one thing to leave an audience wanting more, it’s something else entirely to leave them wanting more wondering if, where, and when there’s even going to be anything more.

This Week’s Legacy Titles

Eight titles kick off the Marvel Legacy repackaging proper, with two titles sporting new legacy numbering, four titles continuing their existing numbering, one new series, and Venom that kind of started the legacy numbering “craze” for Marvel a few months ago.

All of the series purport to start off new storylines, to ease readers in to these jumping on points, although two of them at least are definite continuations of the stories to date. Avengers #672 begins its “Worlds Collide” crossover with its sister title Champions. Jesus Saiz joins the book on art, providing a more traditional style compared to Mike del Mundo. Iceman #6 looks back to his Champions days, with the start of “Champions Reassembled”. Iron Fist #73 begins “Sabretooth: Round Two”, invoking one of the legendary battles in Marvel history from the introduction of Sabretooth back in Iron Fist #14. Jessica Jones #13 hearkens back to one of the most harrowing points in her life with part one of “Return of the Purple Man”.

Royals #9 continues its ongoing story since the first issue, but provides a point for new readers to pick up the series with Javier Rodríguez joining the series as its new regular artist, while plunging headfirst into the Inhuman Progenitor arc. Spirits of Vengeance #1 begins a new mini-series of a team-up of some of Marvel’s horror mainstays by Victor Gischler and David Baldeon. Venom #155 gains Mark Bagley as an artist while it continues its look backwards to Eddie’s days as a “Lethal Protector”, reconciling it with his and the symbiote’s attempts to be more heroic. And finally, X-Men Gold #13 begins its “Mojo Worldwide” crossover with X-Men Blue, bringing back Mojo, who really didn’t go anywhere in the first place. But Mojoworld is fun and equals ratings, right?

d. emerson eddy has no legacy numbering, has never personally been rebooted, and probably doesn’t have any iconic stories anyone remembers.