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renatedagmarmilada · 1 year

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grabbing Natalka and the Ukrainians

St Barths put all the Ukrainian community on the scanner…

Anna by name, who was asked by the lab to COPY our story exactly was not ashamed when she received sympathy from it, as well as payment…

‘’We know what you Ukrainians have suffered…’’

Raika your friend is being tuned to tell your mother’s stories by the Lab, but she adds a bit of German brutality…with guarantee of being printed..

18.9.03

2a.m.

Because we murdered your father, writer Semen Telewny, we are getting a Ukrainian woman writer to write all your stories, she has orders not to change them, just add a little of her own..

As we make the physical torture heavier on you…possibly we might kill you now, but the Lab prefers you to live in total suffering..

I will not release you from the computer on which you and all you do is prisoner of St Barths until I have added a few more twists of pain and and I do not want admiration for you from anyone, you work must be equaled by everyone.

..and now Maud, Miller and the other jewess of the lab who is using your poems you wrote after visiting Roman Road Synagogue in Leeds, taught by the Rabbi Rothschild, for whom I have packaged your work are safe….

…but these people worked with the Germans…

and is Maria Horobec – Scunthorpe at her level yet..the children of a Jew cathcher of Szalasentgrot, imprisoned by the government, whose both sisters have robbed the little family, tuned by the Lab for their kindness to them.

There is no copywrite in this country anymore if St Barths is involved.

The Lab of Human Research rules the rules and makes the rules.

1.12. 03..Alicia and her Diary C.D another of our thieves, will the Queen decorate her for theft too.

Ms Lipman tells me, ‘’talk about my theft if you want, but sue the Lab. They did it.’’

18st Aug 1989

You need counseling

By another grouch

I wish I hadn’t misused them so badly

Used for medical research as toys

Your Lives now nill and void

Belong to us at research

And all you create

Totally destroyed

Tel them they have volunteered.

No one comprehends the siren of silence

Disturbing in a noisy world of sounds

Distrusting Motives

Disliking Honesty

They changed the first to a second

And then ordered blocks on any further education

They call this prison a programmed life

By research using unseen technology..

Using the worst sadists known to man

And we thought we had them…

All the while they were here.

Child with mothers first:

Using children for science play

Later we all pay

Their lives no longer sacred

HOW MANY OFFENCES HAVE YOU COMMITTED

DOCTOR?

Scotland was not alone in their trial

Therefore we use Abroathe

But Fiona shrugs as they give her work to copy

And guarantee its publication

Be quiet reverberating

clamour from outside

they robbed the old people of every penny

called it the Robe

they gave their life and toil to rebuilding this country

they left them nothing, nothing at all

for what they gave to this island so willingly…

and even murdered the old man

slit his gullet

and called it a practice

will this kill practice….

With the order

Fail everything she does from now…

Eton had picked up our beams of their life

And dare not even talk of what we did to the daughter and kids

Misreading louder messages than any words

Truth from many

Take another atrocities count of Britain

A regular quote from the Lab.

Sima, beast torturer woman of the Lab

Signs the pastels she had stolen from our house

By the Government thieves

Laughs

We hammered them constantly…

And the Barclay’ Bank syphones hundreds

For whom might we ask

To pay for a bogus film the department made?

SWEATER LADY ST BARTHS October 16, 2003

They all give themselves personas hence the silly names..has rewritten some of your work and has sent a soliliquy to a major newspaper with guarantee of print by the Lab..

In America long ago

A lady appeared suddenly on the screen

In proper fashion

They just watched quietly

And did not offend her

Until she died

Impossible in Britain

Where all has to be capitalized on

And programmes impossible

From American folders

Are withdrawn and used

Any weakness or accident

So the circle turns

And everyone then capitalizes

On them…

The Kohl election totally fixed

You were that one

Along with deaths

And watched births

Now the country is run by its most evil

And Ann of the Lab

Is the most powerful woman in the Lab

Smiles and simpers

They gave me the power

They don’t stop me though they have the power

So don’t bother to complain

As another high level death is fixed.

As a new partner is fixed

Anything to break ancient moral laws

In these liberal times..

We’ve seen it all before

So this is what we fled to….

Pitsmoor Donna and Dore Dora from Sheffield Town

Urged by the lab, rob yet again

the Universal plague

the united nations agree to the torture

aged and helpless woman with children

we block and destroy every pathway they take

it is amusing for us to watch

and add a bit of torture

and a bit of robbery

to cover rogue Research

designers of the States used colours

so they must be given every line

by a thoughtless Lab. Just prying

and peeping with a license to kill.

SHUBACA

Girl of the Lab throws all mail into bin, presents for children and grandchildren, letters to different departments of Waterstones with flyers of poetry book..all private mail from America etc..it is now the total prison the Lab said today..Octover 16. 2003

Thoughtless heroics which are vague

A whole family in brutal quarantine

To be used as guinea pigs

To test out lies and sadism.

On air and tongues

The Iraquis play

So had to pay

We do that in America

We peel slowly

It’s not so easy to detect

Just tune ordinary people

To rob

And call rape a new name

Sexing, like it was in Hitler’s camps

Of which my mother had laughed

When I was a child….

But put great care

To the smallest of crimes

Not to do with them….

Encompass desired action

Leper in solitude has reaction

Shouldn’t have taken part

And you would still be safe

In your solitutude

Children’s teevee also watched and took

So one thievie had to write Fairy Stories

Al la Renart

Only bring known sadists and not the clever

To pass and qualify in St Barths Lab

In their stupidity grows their brutality

And we can play a bit longer

They let us hack their bodies to bits

The old octogenarian volunteered St Barths told us

As Jasper tunes the Ambulance men to rob

An octogenarian heroine

And we had thought Hitler was from hell

Megele lives in Jasper

In all of western Human Research..

Can we see all the way from the States?

They did not stop us

It was their fault

All the civil servants

Each P.M. knew

It is not our fault…

We could not commit crime

If they did not take part too

It is not us to blame

It is them

If they destroy us

Their own parts will be found

SEXUAL STRESSERS

Your mother was given sexual stressers by the Lab repeatedly when she was eighty plus..October 16th 2003.

Unable to pierce velvet comfort

Considered ogre in fractions

Child of corners homes full of children grown in traction

Becoming Unacceptable

Adults Screeching for the respectable

“Don’t be seen or heard” type of reformation

Now require the opposite confirmation

A confounding away of orders.

Leave no room to be nor borders

Activating cancers from the highest to the lowest

My Forest Gate friend and angel in disguise dies

Though a sharp East End tongue was her delight

Near give her cancer with her masoids

Get squashed we would like to watch you die

On the screen of pain and sadisms

Called human research

And I once read of cruelty to animals

Which was nothing compared to this….

Squirmishly manoeuvring towards

SO YOU PEOPLE WERE MUGABE’S DEEDS

driven into please record anything

now record these copies as originals

science is the total truth now through all its lies

and Jews of Human Research forgot the past

and how science had caused the holocaust

and who had been there for them

and repeat what mad Hitler had done

and with such relish

and then mourn for their own…

‘now there we have a good arguement from the Prisoner, use it.”

Sustained silences deriving benefit only from within

Introspection abounds

Be decisive as the Deutsche Bank carries out its orders

To thieve from helpless elderly women

As once they had done from jews

Ordered by jews this time

Manifests its withdrawal

Concavenous creation

A hollow world rewards

Followed by all banks

But robbing the poor has such poor rewards

Another lesson in this great trial

To us it seems identical to Hitler’s trial

Yes, the Lords have forgotten

Get educated

brimful with empty laughter meanings

so english

Nothing but pain, give them pain

They saved jews

Give them pain by jews

Just be

removal

Inhabited by unfathonable strangers

Felix adds a new one

Take out her hair by the roots

The queen of evil Anne is going white

The prisoner is not

Remove it by the roots

Distance mirth

endless discussion of triviality

Magnitude reduction diurnal

Living within the care ,

shrinking daily

Shroven death sentence

how

are never quite sure if it was them

Having the right word to touch.

IRAQU AND LADEN

Put yourself forward what gentle reasons

tale of lessons come learn with us the lies

and then your time of weeping will come

you gave us permission to destroy for learning

Taught, to forget preciously recklessly

All those seconds of eternity which are sobs.

Join a religion

Rights of sorrows,

Science takes another aircraft

This time it is the Gulf

The ageless Arab has at last dropped his guard

years robbed, he has returned to the beginning of his learning

Unexplained, beg to be told

Repeatedly quotidian sold

Laden was promised the price not explained

The price was unexpected

As Ethopians say with wisdom

Lie once, lie twice, lie thrice…

And the agony continues from the Master computer

They say with agreement from the Military Supreme

But we have seen all this before

Twice infact Hitler and Stalin

And squint knowingly into the futre

Whilst they unseeing, uncomprehended

Think it is new and watch the crashes

Techniques now already thirty years old

Do something with mute eyes depended

Understanding why unwithered children try

Withering their hopes of death

Immortality

Seeds sown never grown cataclysm

Living within ,you can’t make it a prison

Staying for an outward sign thrown as pristine

Of battered mind bitten we’ve seen all that

Though they torture us constantly

We know who will in the end be defeated

As so many others have been already

So willst though oh great science

Now traveling on the wrong path…

The Royals withdraw their support.

At London Dental Hospital

A young man in a white coat enters a tiny room

with a steel hammer

please go there to take an X-ray

please open your mouth

Smashes four teeth

Walks out in silence

They used to do that in the Soviet too

He looks like the man in the raincoat

At Roman Road Park

When the Livingstone sound thrower

Threw its vilest

At rest not even normal life at the lowest level

permitted

From working on the hospital Ward

test from the debasement sound waves of vulgarity

thought of by Mark who is a criminal

mutters I only intended it for short periods

research took it over the years and years and years

not I…

bent science is given too much information

sadism heaving through torrential jeers from the Lab

Mark banned used again

Expiration shrouded still

The Asians don’t really understand crime

And are perfect

India says the man at Bombay

Is filled with every kind of idiot

And English always find them .

Are you living? We are

On huge salaries

Paid to torment and destroy YOU

Nothing else

For this the tax payer pays us

Bewildered

But we had saved jews..

Unable to turn back the beyond the dragging forward.

Live for gods sake resigned in calm hysteria’s break

Praying for tranquility’s sake cocooned in the impassioned

Anger sustained in wanton cabal Body and wind ballast

You can’t do: mystifying onlookers unable to hear the parody

‘that’ of forces on air waves castigating

of forces on air waves ringing in cordons of avarice.

Giving rise to unending fears astounding.

Another drop out fed by chaos lodged in yesterday.

Too clever by half for tomorrow’s children depreciate

Never mind the dole feel the weight

One doctor feels the weight of his patients testicles

And that too goes onto their internet file of mine

As mini crime waves created by the Germans invited to the Lab cause headaches to the Lords and Councillors..

keeps them in concurrence.

21st Aug 1989 Duty

Abhyasa

It’s a mothers duty to they tell us expounding

to love, to serve, to organize, to ……

Everything with no deviating

All encompassed in one inferior body.

One inferior mind

Or so they tell us blithely

God help you if you can’t promulgate

No excuses, No reasons, definitely no seasons

For any deficiencies, called human.

Martyrs one and all terminate

You mustn’t fail them crewman

With only two hands

(are we octopuses? Or are we even octupii?)

Don’t we try whatever colour.

Whatever creed to do it all.

Unstintingly, Unbegrudgingly

Lab lice and their women kill till we fall.

Free our eyes become taciturn

The skin on our hands is torn and worn

They call that love

……

For this transaction

We get ……what ?

The lowest title of oration

Unmarketable product obsequious

Finally obsolete unless you are good and work with children

Or become a tart for some man’s pleasure fantasies

After they’ve buried us phlegmatically

They might remember precisely

Why is it really love?

Were likely monstrously

Missing our care, our work, our loyalty

Mother, don’t be facetious

Who worked so well so hectically grumbled muttering

You dared to leave them

Worn and maligned by the female Jews

Your worth is valued limpidly

Too late loathsomely

For you impartible

Can’t toil anymore for anyone, anyway.

Finally homage

Deserved facile rest

Who cared anyway

E lucidate a eulogy

8.3.90 You have a child

Mum

Soft, warm, cuddly Mum

Milk in warm bottles worry, exhaustion, panic

Sucking, licking, stroking Do well, exams

Love unlimited,-protection The future, don’t worry

The total world It’ll all work out

Pressure

Mum

brushing, pulling, tugging Mum

shoelaces, buttons, hair Distant, dreamy, untouchable

Behave, -naughty In love every week

Go to bed spots, acne, clothes

Orders abound Don’t be seen

Growing up

Mum Mum

Crying, clinging, fearful Distant, dreamy, untouchable

Schools, strangers, socialisation Quarrels, selfish, why

Don’t go, sit, be silent I know, you don’t

Got to learn Friends, gangs

Discipline voting now.

Mum

Somewhere, far away or near Mum

Too busy, life of my own gone now

Bashing rules to bits tears hidden

Kings of the road I loved you really

Young adulthood Too much to do

Wish you were here

Mum

Living life, making money

Getting on, this way or that

Forging for the future

We all know it all

Developed

Mum

I was so busy, now I remember

Where are you, you’re so small

So old, so helpless now

Forgot you,

Didn’t mean to

Sorry,

That’s life

Are you dead yet

Has the Lab murdered you yet

Though they’ll call it secret manslaughter?

Citta

22.Aug.89

bitter purgings

we walked hand in hand

over the hills

down the dales

of our new city

close as always

for twenty three years

soon after

you walked out

never to return

and never once said why

I asked

Is he still living?

Taking my life

You wrung it out

Having more concern

For that dishcloth

Now I find it was a Lab’s conflict game

not you

now seen they put me into shock

and left the children alone with a sick mother

in a strange city to cope

resigned to what has been

What is to be

It’s all clear

How little we mattered in our dance together

How distant we remained

To you dear husband and father of my children

But the Lab made the decision

After twenty three years of married love

Each up and down we had conquered

we lost it all, in a glance from one Lance

The profit was all yours

Husband, lover, father?

Only repenting

Ego defending

Work excusing

Enployment,

Goy hated returning

Presiding always

So ?

Who says the righteous always win

Was it a sin?

To love my man

For the children to admire their father

It was my job

To keep their childhood happy

We are not jews like the Lab

Who make themselves bleed with no wounds

All just a game to them

You couldn’t feel our grief vibrating

Would you care?

In your immaturity and vehemence

You are the first to be tortured in this way

How often will it be repeated

No human on earth will ever repeat this

How often will science say this we wonder

How often have we heard all this

Concentration camps and gas

And concrete in the womb as this started with

Now I understand what they did

And who created all the royal divorces?

Hitler too played these games with people

The jewish Labs just play them secretly

And are continuing the Auschwitz programmes

Too late dear they use these tools on their own students

The girls lose purity tuned to be used by their bosses

The prize a first and we and I fear not

The torment and terror the Lab applied after that

Are still too evil to explain

But more than evil it’s never been allowed before

Anan Koffie himself signed a false report

Or was it one of his underlings

Who never checks the script

Maybe he cannot even read..

What was the reason developed the laser to its clicking

Beyond any normal mind as they laser everything

Sarah sends death threats via the screen on Friday nights

Leaving me lifting my prayer book high

As we believe God is still stronger than St Barths.

They are our men

who for Gods sake

the men we clothed back then ….

and when she goes mad,

we’ll put her into one of our hospitals

we’ll walk around her bed talking

and then discharge her insane and mad…

Complexions we gave and continue the womb torture charges

Even to this very day often used as she was teaching

In Colleges classes filled with asylum seekers and ethnics

But our beliefs are different as they put over their hidden voices

called love, loyalty, truth

now have only one name

no wrath from us

Just mistrust

Doesn’t it sadden you

All we have shared and hoped

in voice throwers she threw you whore

and anything is possible now

but we are too evil in research to use it for good

I will drive you out of every institution in this country

Why do these people always get such high marks…

We lied to the top nurses too

In order to get you blacked…

There at Newham Hospital

That big red cross still doesn’t mean much

Even over here

We had used you too

We fear justice

And prison awaits us

If you live…

going to the park for an ice cream to draw flowers

grieving my man

Blind

You couldn’t envisage my hands

Aching warily

To touch for verification

Not just to work vacantly

Deaf

You were dead to my sighs

Telling unanimously

Everything too tranquilly

In soundless words

Dumb

You never spoke

Shared thoughts not synopsis

Yourself tyro

We imagined you not wanting us

Son’s traumatized out of their minds

No one cared

No one knew us

When did you actually leave

I was so ill from their Lab computer shock

In milder form they did that to the Princess too

They say it is necessary to tear people apart

I really can’t remember

Except going to find some milk

Somehow I knew my children needed milk and bread

Without a penny you left us tuned by the men at the Lab

But not the first time

But my mother was a long way away

This time she couldn’t feed us

Lacking any knowledge

To guide tentatively

Only to find subsequently

Our picture was painted closing its shutters

Our tally had different meanings

When clarified to synchronize

You left us sleazily

As you came to me

A stranger

And never once explained why...

I still don’t know why you left us.

Pounding the asphalt

Feet ahead with eyes averted

Scurrying rats follow rules with no emotions

No smiles without pleasure

Beaming complications from ware watery suns

Telling other stories.

Now Britain is just a testing ground for the super power

All of us activated

Pain and death...

24.Aug.89

Summary for this nanny

Platonic prop my surrogate sons

Disarrange anguish they feel for me

But bring happiness of a sort back into our home

I know you for terror

Creating no pleasure

Slowed permutations

Since childhood’s freedoms

Torn too early for comprehensions

So long ago, yesterday

Hugging tightly, you squeezed the black night

Shining through each optic nerve

always forgotten from shock after shock

rememberances clear in milky hazes of Laboratory shocks

you followed me round art exhibitions

and stood on the steps of the Tate

Madmen singing London’s pride

Making up stories

Unreal created happenings created by doctors

Freezing anger they call sensing and destroying

Super strong emotional arousers from computer

Never melted pain in searching frenzy

Sincerely yours

I tried to find you

But first I had to feed my children

I run down to the Cathedral for help and bread

The Lab has already been

What do I feed the children

I depended on you for any money

And spent any I earned on you

What to do?

Maxwell asked for my head in plaster

Had grown gentle in age

We come from the same homeland

Not far apart

We knew you well

We each other

Because he knew the truth

He had to die by science

A clear blue night

Of frost and snow

Everything died

Except despair

Turning in circular agony

For that unfindable probing for amusement

They are paid by the State so can play to keep busy

Lost, losing every stanza

Unclear then art brought life slowly to life

Words and forms the saviours all my life

Yet again did their work for me

Where my refugee comrades had despaired and died

My deaths were on the papers and in verse

Did the world itself disintigrate

Or maybe it was me

In deepest memories

Caves filled with more trilling laughter

Healing water of our God’s mind

Breathing living life still

Present, ever dead

Since searching endlessly

Fundamental aroma turned

a sickening joke against all women by new women haters

Nowhere discovered

Life

Restarted so often it is no longer possible

Living again as the lab keeps on trying to kill..

A ten minute piece for Sheffield University Writers .... Performance Poetry Sept.’89

(which my favourite home, London is very rich in)

The fifth Our Joe

12 o’clock Bye, see you…

12.05 Later

Let’s go to the supermarket mmmm …

Later… 2.00

Now…Please… 2.03--

12.30 --ah, you again

12.45 gotta watch these fifths—

help mummy put the groceries away nurse!

Later Three minutes now, is it?

Now…Please Screens around this bed

1.45 Shave

1.48 1/2 Hot bath

Oh dear, you’ve wet yourself Caster oil

Can’t cook lunch 2.45

Go get some chips 2.47

Later

Now…Please Dear neighbour, your first is it?

Be good Blib, blib, blib, blib…

Be back soon What a pretty nighty

Later What’s the machine?

Damned traffic my doctor’s really good (she

-got the suitcase

under the bed did you nothing is too much trouble for him nothing is too Who---?

Your mother and your… All full---except B

Husband… It’s a fifth, be quick

And yours?… Warm pain, sweating

Oh, its my fifth bleeding relief

Later … Slithering, sliding

They’ll all come later no longer while here starched

Been here so often… cotton

(hardly count anymore) Help, please, give me

could do it on her own really a hand up—

tick tock tick tock 3.15

—cold steel trumpet again It’s a beautiful healthy boy

what an enormous writhing lump look

can’t wait to be born— Doctor’ll come

I’m listening— Later

2.51 more blankets

2.15 1/2 Now

go on, short Shock

someone help— There cup of tea dear

Quickly Please

Now…Please No.o—Later

Delivery room Now.

Quick

Which

Hello Mrs Kenny just having our

Tea. Slipped on the way here alright

Oh dear, patchwork to sew blankets don’t worry

Ha ha, for my tea Later

Hm hm

now

Fine healthy boy

Sucking his thumb, look

Later

In his glass box

—like snow white

—and as the seven dwarfs wept

They tripped

And she came to life again.

Perfect Baby Boy

Eject their poison

6.30

Back to the ward

Now

What endless passages

Wheeling, flashing past

Alarming speed

Keep her covered Shock

Please

Now

And Later

For all of you

From the rogue branch of medecine

The Lunatics

Now...

Sheffield University Writers Group..five minute piece

1.Feb.90 Borsch

Borsch all mixed in with beetroot

Day in day out its red hot too

It simmered it boiled A bit of paprika

Thick and tun did We’re Hungarian too—

“Does you good”, mamuschka Never measured

That’s why I’m so strong always mixed

Tatuschka labours the point what can you do

Mamuschka sniffing Each day as you come

Have to cook what he says a home

He’s the boss with its never , ending

Pungent and strong pot—

Changes day by day that pot of borsch

Our pot is altered that haunts me still

According to pay sometime, I think I can

—I can’t bear it smell it stile

after three years or four and taste it too

but we eat it It’ll be with me forever

all the more beetroot follow me wherever I go

cabbage, tomatoes sure dad, I grew on it

fat and pork too —ugh grew sick of the smell of it

and garlic and spices yet.

With onions It was good for us

Good for the blood !! too

Kept us going so long

Through poverty, strife and need

our tradition

till

Today

It’s only a memory

They sell it in restaurants. (so they say)

In delicatessens too

In super posh restaurants

Not for me thank you

I’ll slick to my vegetarian stew

They’re tasteless and smelless

Without the barrack smell and melting tar

And memories of how it was

And good for me too??

25.Aug.89

Mamushka and Tatuschka

Tenor was in every moment

Now turned to gnarled old age

Fearsome was in every glance

Now turned to sadness

No more than a blind notation of the second

Time has eroded ingenious

Shifted power from them to others

Respect sown could not grow

With age…for age

Was mysterious

Deception completed by the filth of politics

Detected then slaughtered again a second time

By experimental medicine

To save those we had saved

In heaving waist lines

Mottled skin and memories which remember silently

Warriors slowed

Arms laid down

Tension threads broken

Allow shocked breathing

Slowing mind forgets its bark

Racing life awaiting death

Tomorrow the children will live somehow

It was the only choice possible then

Has thrown its wand away

Purging all sins

Past and present

Now forgiveness is an easy concept

Sorrow in mellowness

For sunsets that were then

Sunrises that should have been

Actions dictated lost for ever

To be remembered in disproportioned flashes

After the grave

For nothing

For duty

Total deference saved our lives and outside calm

But was that life worth saving

If the memory could only die...

2.Feb.90

a New Illness

I was ill, very ill—so—why?

How do you feel dear?

Now do be honest What did you feel dear?

About those nights as you sat Tell it dearly

All alone About that eternity you lived

Felling the baby moving Not knowing the way,

No where to turn

Stirring No one to blame

In slow movements Having the proof at last

To footsteps No longer fevered imagined

Quickly the proof that hid on a

Passing the time medical card

Waiting, Waiting… Forgetting, forgetting

What do you think dear? You never forget dear?

Do be clear Did you—

About those days as you waited the pain of that moment

All alone The baby inside in revulsion turned

For ever That silence became total

Expecting his ringing call With the trust broken

Telling you Could never be repeated

Knowing his call eyes stopped shining

“Happy to be leaving” that day, dear

Listening, listening and that night endless—

Still hasn’t ended

A Believer 16. 12.90

I believed

An idealist of ideals

I believed

In love

Encompassing

loyalty, tenderness, completeness

I believed

In honesty

A helping hand

held out to all

We are one

Equal in dignity

If not the same

If different in essence

Each given a different name

With each different version

They call belief things like

Religion, Marxism, democracy

I called love belief

I believed in vain

13.Oct.90

Suksmadrsti

Reunite them all

Is what we want most of all

Their revolutions

Which knows no end

Their fodder

Prod and prong

Throw away—

Whist they scream their prayers

To indifferent hungry ears

Bellies blinded by running

We are the experiment

That mistake of all mistakes

Humanities progress

In this worldly obmutescence

Margined with ear-splitting rows

Daily living arthas

Lost touches of reality

Chaotic actions bluster

In ordered unison keels

Ice drop drums cracking

Blackened splintered shavings

All of it will come true

We just put it into code

Those who know..

13.Oct.90 part poem. part lost

We despise you as a Mongrel

I am amazed

I had not realised

That Israel was so pure over here

Israel the people from the Mediterranean

Who still havn’t found their roots

And still hang on their boots

It’s ok, I like Arabs too..

Somewhere they pinched and flinched

Their revolutions

Knows no end

Their fodder

To prod and prong

Throw away—

While they scream their prayers

To hungry ears and sieved bellies

Blinded by running from gunning

That mistake of all mistakes

Humanities progress

Speaking in channels

Senses abscond with sanity

Dumbstruck tongues dilacerated

Phalanx breath fluxes

The terminal civilization

Descry the heels in tanks and gun wheels

Of quaking depth science makes death

Until the fireball ingurgitates

Survival in toto

But the Reform didn’t hurt me...

Religious people are nearly always nice

And it’s necessary to die a billion deaths to provide for life

29.Aug.89 Break down

having felt it all

simulated fogs

The thought and subordination

Experienced every variation

Every nuance of pain

Life and the Lab had taught

An endless lesion of interpretations

Yet now another pain watched by the boys from Spain

Supersedes all others

More poignant, drawing no open sympathy

Waiting which is over

Whilst waiting

Always alone allowing the Lab to hammer unabated

That deepest pain to remove

Immovable, destructive, frustrating

corrupt beyond the imagination

There is no reason visible

—yet—

To continue striving is hollow triumph

on and on ,wondering—why—

Dignity of endless tears harden

Become a wall of pressure

Unreleased resentments no longer needed

Once heroic become Lab rats for their enjoyment

Having no hostile reason, to fall

Why have you gone?

Watching, seeing; the suffering heart

Feeling, hot prickling skins as the media repeats again and again

Sorrowing from all the borrowing

Its appearance

Each second a reminder

After twenty three years

Another day wasted

Another night pasted

I lived more than twice as long

as with you

what they did with my parents!

Along and called it the Robe..

Tinged with regrets for them

Because we had yet again met the Jew

Whom we had saved

Within over crowded city life to hide

Filled with milling crowds of solitariness

Waking each dawn in our refuge of response

feeling sliced under the experimental machine

Betray us for all,

Aimed for only their profits,

seeming not real in amazement

but we gave you life then

why do you do this to us now?

A thundering anxiety within skinny ribs

Hollow dragging beyond each day and year

Measured unreality even the United Nations

Of future goals to future generations

Aware only instinctively as Germans whisper

Survival is no more, no less

But I would not believe them

Not of you..our friends and cousins

They told the truth.

And ashes to ashes

With time, the time has flown

With excruciating time to wait

Replaced by the departed

So lets have male prostitutes

“I meant no wrong”

Punished for nations

Still weeping in the bath as the doctors whisper

That old lecher meyer

And miller, my tears fill oil

Oil replaces stinging soap

Choking life—trying

Threatening

Burn to death then

—die—

and I don’t know why

but we liked your naked body...

27.Aug.89

MANAS at Synagogue

a chance to glance at them at prayer

we saved them then

Scaring, searching faces

Worshipers with easy with cases

Knots swooning , all bigots

Chairs appear more rigid

in the pattern of gods

Undiscovered divinity

Where is your true sign

Put your money where your faith is

To eat the full load

Nothing buried just the goading

Do they see more clearly or am I blind

Reverend piety and fears hover

Strangers gather to pray

And the Cathedral no longer helps

Nor the Priest speaks to children

But we try to believe in them.

Nothing touches the fine

to hear lechers singing

the nuns speak nicely but too gently

without the fear no one senses

Perceiving, sensing insincerity of impossibility

Theologians nightmare,

each religious dream

Turned to shambles

With profit and no lover

We didn’t know women preferred celibacy

Well it isn’t the english gels

Their morality has similarity.

Deity to discover

Representative shackles, to be dispersed

And fundamentalist’s bread is the fastest

Wading through incomprehensions in nests

Of placid spirituality by militant obedience

383 observing laws

From time immemorial bowing

Humanity excluded as cowing

Within that inclusion of belonging

A game of extension turning

Selection and Existentialism

Versus pantheism represented

Unthinkable truths depressing the norm

Dropped chared offerings reflect

cannibalism of missions and holy men

drink of my blood, eat my flesh

eat a nun and you will be holier.

Healer of entrails in tatters

bringer of spare answers spatters

but

never listened to!

Continues with

Deity to discover

in a wiff of formality

in fluted neutrality of many John Kennedys

I am god to you

Feared, humoured, unheard and sometimes pitied

Figure of contempt by all modernity

To teach the within

Thwarted psychology of hopes without any ropes

Misunderstood context of despair

Allowing no parallels

Parables of communists

Ramblings of life in the hereafter

And a truth no one wants to listen to...

The Lab will ask Dana to use this up.

29.Aug.89

WITH A SMILE

White bastards and that Ahmed

Brown enigmatic smile

Saying from nothing dries

Curling tendrils portrayed deep within

A ark glistening eyes

Check the dole and tries

Black market workers fry

Flowing silence cries

Of gibbering Currie

(Lets send our jews,

no one dare upset them

Its uncivilized to be seen anti-semitic)

Silent nod of the head

Understood crop reaction of the mindless

Truth readings and the thermometer splinters as it drops

Another chalk mark, another insult

Compounded wisdom just an insult of submission

Hidden fury disguised with a smile

Shuttered within remission

eye globes never flicker

To be added to that endless list

Treacheries

Multiplying within unspoken fists

disappointed hopes they silently call compensation

Unheard by future recipients

Feelings so damning the chairs shake

In readiness for some future day

Praying for another mistake, quakes

The meaningful roars of scandalized bores

Shocked at the thoughts of a nation turning gently browner

Yet spend a fortune tanning every summer

Frizzing and perming in aping fashion

Playing, toying, blind disgrace using every Muslim

The time of the Muslims tears has started

In warmless puritanical disregard

Excluded red , derided white, tolerated blue

—needed—true?

A dying island race

unadmitted anihalation

a purpose sublime

Unremitting account of debit

Against the passbook of proof

Brotherhood?

Or crime

When needed, only when needed

Easily, instantly discarded love story

Excercised and excused within Christianity

Weird morality seeded

And they always use sex to destroy

tells our sikh Historian on our sub continent

even then within their truth

onwards Christian soldier is meaning less

Ignorance sharing the answer

To wards the master’s accumulation

Its culture a wealth to create and soothe

Not the slow dripping destruction

Of the great queens flames

Burning blazes of indifference

—one day brother

Account will settle

We’ll own all of you —

Nodding our heads in obedience

30.Sept.89

KENNY from Kil KENNY

Another Irish club

A barb from another bard

Crowded blank interest

Appraising the stage

—“Where’s the TEA?”

Performance and performer

—“asks the Priest from his pulpit”

Nodding approval

To another man’s sweat

And the lump dare not complain

Changing their beds in shifts

Pouring messages in the tricklets and bricks

As the whiskey flowed forrgetfulness

Rivulets of experience hidden sorrows

Encapsulated is song for today and tomorrow

Black’s tars stings and sings for everyone

And orange men weep

Thrilling words on fleeting moments

A living race, condemned

A beauteous land penitent

Undestroyable quotations so blatant

Forming passionate pleas without ears

Brits get out all over the world

Within.

In Sheffield’s granite city...

Scribbled is panic—

upon not finding the teaching block

LOST AGAIN

4.Oct.89

1st day of BE’d

Row upon row

Keen and witty

Willing to —what—?

We’ll teach the future

We’ll reach and future

Taught what to teach, ourselves

We’ll blank their thinking

This citizenry to be

With opened pigeon holes

Filled with monitored facts

To produce

The next lot of moduled models

Who’ll perform

Who’ll teach

By Government training

The next layer upon layer

Caged and peppered by pacts

No lateral thought

not permitted thinking

Because we taught them all

By government order

They call it education

4.Oct.89

In the hall

1st day of BE’d

Starting today

I wonder what it is I’m doing.

—I was into thought—but—

battling inside my head is the notion

that big brother has won after all

Telling us how to think yet again

And exactly how to repeat it

Pass it on

Testing

And teachers must look tidy—in suits

Is this a finishing school for big blouses?

All spurned—churned out

To produce the canon fodder for righteous profits

For our future

For our capitalist society

And bribes with airy status

Suddenly I need to protest

Seeing in reality myself

Tied mouth, dumb hands

Immobile

Another product of organized thought

A gory of mind, enslaved, desperate

And I wanted to teach

Thinking, thoughts to mushroom

We just shackle, really

Teaching dominance

Wiping away heeding

free-doom’s freedom

Oh dear and they really are so young

And its all planned already

How many jobs at the end

So give me the child

And I’ll turn him into a willing doley

If it has any originality left

5.Oct.89

by a laughing

Books person of wit

They give me books

Into to library

And books and books

I try to read them all

Hoping to expand

hoping to fill my mind

To blank out all I’ve learnt from living

I feel dejected

I feel stupified

I feel blanketed

I feel frozen solid by so much knowledge!!!

Not for me they told me

all this thinking

Just copy the masters did

that’ll do

everyone jumps on their back

we don’t need thinkers

to spoil our planners

For whom are we learning

Who needs all this to live

Do they teach us anti-living

With government preaching

With religions teaching

The massive don’ts

So Here a sermon of won’ts

But stile we need

To read and read

Jsut go out and breed!

4.Oct.89

Despair as day goes on/an first day of BE’d.(P.E)

I watch your words

My typist keeps typing bed for BE’d

Does this mean something?

They sink in

Yet

Understand not a jot and got

I scream for you and you ignore me

This is not my game

They’ll hate me for it I already know

Same old trademarks

She’s haughty, thinks she’s too good

But my thoughts cry with interest lacking

The english girls all complain

In that smarmy way they do

Whilst I just disappear down to the Computer room

For peace and not to be seen

I want to learn—deep thoughts and thinking

I want to learn—to touch words

That excite

That give meaning and forms

To that endless stream of thought

—dictated to by necessity

I sit and listen

And slowly dry out and crumble

—to make a living

mother again—my needs come last.

thereby lost

My learning unimportant

So easily created

Then long ago

Love is a heavy taskmaster

Methinks

Then you find out

You are to so dumb

As they all had you believe..

3.Sept.89

TIMES GONE

Time should have been filled

With words

With images

With thoughts

Encompassed in progress

Within an outward creation

Instead

Daily happenings were tied

To lonely drudgery

To household tasks

To created tenderness

Unnoticed inverted maid

Misses freedom all given with love

Only within the chanters of roving dreams

Daily songs hummed

Wordless sounds of humanity

What cravings were hived

it could have been like

Living on a cloud

Longing for a footstep

Trembling for a voice

wondering about long past

Too late for matured dreams

Too far, all gone too far

Work, like a hapless prison, beckons

Is recompense for nothing

One second , two, in the minutes of life

It seemed.

Just may be

Maybe there might be a moment

Life could soar on wings

And dreams could become more than

Gutteral speculations

And a refugee could use its pen..

For battle and thought

Banished to sleep

That moment gone now forever

The seconds tick frantically

And I used to wake

With those shards teasing as

Daily companions

Pain sharp and clear

No one to tell

No one could see

After nights of horror

The magnitude of vivid incomprehensions

With shudders left deeply tormented

Leaving a pretended forgotten age

Pressing tears of memory

Time renews covering open gashes

With a new skin of different names

A graft that’s impossible to remove

Vale of irony

An endless away of sharpened blades

Performing walzes on bleeding soles

sealing a million satin filled hearts

Bring the only relief

Running on.

9.Sept.89

having been sentenced and sectioned

all of us

secretly

our whole family

for the comfort of criminal government professionals

who never go to the confessional

nor need to confess anything

Become part of our normal world

Who’s more mad?

The mad

Those that think about the mad-

And so they tell us

What the normal world

Induced ideas and norms

Force brain washed lives of indifference

To comprehend an order

Seemingly clear until seeing

Takes over

Depression of tears, hidden

Hearts buried is frustration

And formal capitalism

Adhering to its rules

Profit for something else through normality

Men of loin please join our game

Bending with all the rips and tears

Scarred nature fits its pattern

To lives lost in living

Constitutes

Phenomenal cost of success

Cease to be, be normal

No other way, it has to be

That flew clinging to their normality

Bleating upon battered straws of theology

Tentacles of self realization

For that inner man

Needs expression as succumbing to

Rationality

Logicality

Loses itself to bitter task masters

Of dull useless ache

Modernity over brimmed with contradictory reactions

Twisted echoes of response

Causing inactivity

Endless futures leave reeling mind

And force explosion of incomprehension

Normality achieved.

10.Sept.89

Waning alone at jot

Each autumn attests to the fears

Is tingling crushed awareness

Graying sighs of living

A mourning of endless nights

Evenings cocooned is darkness

Disappearing hazy whispers of yesterdays sunlight

Closing the circle of existence

Leaving only flight

Hidden in artificiality

All its limitations exposed

Fragilities weakened

Man and beast

To instinctive reaction

And child abuse records its horrors

Forwards a closing book

Withered heart beats of warmth

Shrouded stretchings covered

Aligned to musky nature

4.4.93

Labour. Upton. Park ward

Eligible conspiracy of politics giving

Appearances of greatness which convulse

Success or failure –no question of which ?

It doesn’t count

Members only qualify for broken promises

Hand in hand

I’ll nominate

You-?We’ll rejoin with our egos maintained

Your country needs you.

so march for withdrawal from Ireland

And It’s all lies, have you got you stage

Apologies Ladies and Gentlemen?

It’s such an absurd anomaly

Combating racial harrasment that’s my party

piece

-baleful dubiety

There may be some things

frail and fragile

recorded by actual

Numbers

represented

The money spent,

efforts taken

Results achieved

- with their usual instantaneous intelligence

Money which sent impulses/

dubious financiers

Signing the power game at the back

Briskly, with catachresis

Hexes

-the copy of generosity

Father Xmas knows no bounds of ……

Y move he enter by the side entrance

Not the tunnel of fumes

As tinges appear of deferred smells

Wasting

each tradesman’s entrance-

Next naïve question-?

Louder please

Repressive revulsion dessicates

The eyes have it, for the have’s

For chauvinism for flag waving fascism

nationalism

No support though for the lapsed

We all frankly object……

It’s questionable whether we can cope with all the eyes

Of truths and Out of ace

the business losses-

divulge or stifle

Putting it forward with all that cash

Views which report too much

Unex purgated started the memberships of democracy

Visitors definitely signed-

Archetypal, accursed, nefarious batards

Treachery on the flat!

He has the letters

Pass it on with explanations

To the uncaring carers

With those letters after their names

Deleting one thing after another

So necessary to life-

I do not wish to overthrow, just to win

Other peoples impossible

would be developing the improvement

Improve on nature? -directive

Interesting to see and

The deign, who?

Another investigation or is it investor

who knows

Covers for those comedians

Have you got the front,

the nerve,

the verve

No and I’ll just go to the sponsor

To conquer and combat

Grapple with the strikers

sacked if they don’t spike her

Return to work haranguing and disputing

Newspapers

Not being helpful.

they scream

Can you hear them whimper

From the doss cars as they simper

Not yet gone altogether

My impression spoken to someone else

Resolutions for revolutions of apathy-

Blearily watching, rebuffs which mortify

The movement of a snail

Up dated on latest position-screens

And bottom line as always is nothing decided

And yet another meeting with more

Deputy secretary and

Leaderships and

Meantime more resolutions from

Chairs of corporate services

Attenuating on further possibilities

Desecrations

Redundancies

Redeployments

Issues of outstanding problems sidle into

Consciousness

Unrealistic hopes committed

Indulgent schemes

Inadequate abstentiousness

All appeared on central records

Moderation expected - the eternal

Battle cry shrouded in doubt

Job doesn’t exist

Job not appropriate

Please retain at all costs, engage, hire

Abstruse, commission or enlist

Take on, take up – We say it all - be off

What ever the wording would be

One firm job often is all they need or want

“System doesn’t work at the moment ladies and gentlemen”

Temporary contracts with consequent renewals

After the last contract

Following the last

And before the last, victimization

Yes too, bully, cheat, exploit, all with amiable complacency

Just people who were acquisitive:

are then persecuted, used apprized

If your face fits, invitations pour in

Otherwise not, so negotiate, negate

Stop listening, fight, scream, be heard

You fool

Tread, stamp, march, not for your country for you

Against capping beaurocrats

Who cap through grapevines –friends

The drums holler, anesthetized

Let’s look seriously, look through everything

At these nonentities – in their magnanity

Angels are business, so major speaks

The shop floor to be cleared

Angels removed and profits counted

Compulsory reviews, offers on orders from acheion

And management versus workers

Charlatans of old –

Valuable resource, botchers at work

All in who’s who

Hadn’t appreciated idiosyncratic

Partnerships promising appeasement

Of shady suspicion with more partnerships

In private sectors promising

Community care

Everything is profit making or eradicated

The city appeases

all are challenges

In crumbling schemes of hopeless messes

And it all stinks

As another meeting closes.

31.3.93 U.E.L.Cultural Studies

Reds...

They drink tea

Those people – you know – those

Those – reds under the beds

Those ruskies, and ukys, Cossacks, not those

We had hot – then and Uzbeks and them –

And the loot they ate.

Good food

But they don’t

Would you believe it

They don’t, because they’re commis –

We drink tea too

Smile as much

We do. Laugh sometimes. Really laugh

And the government can’t cope

I drink tea too

However

Her majesty

And her majesty’s government

Sub – humans by her majesty’s governments

Promise to bow to orders

Honest

Feeling pain pushed out

Trained with past colonials

Bring tea...

89.

Madness Series –

Mary Jane on WARD16.

Were you mad that day Mary Jane

As you strolled the past with lapping tufts

Tearing your hair inside your scalp?

Were you mad as you watched, Mary Jane

With eyes turned into shedding suns

A fog of a fireball inside your head

Yes Mary Jane, were you mad?

They said so Mary Jane

As your blood turned into a box of pins

And the days into needles, punctured all through the night

With tears much larger than life or death

Were you mad?

I cried for you then Mary Jane

As I cry for you now on that some spot

Slowly stroked roots into pivots of hair

For you Mary Jane

And taught you to see words again Mary Jane

Instead of the future’s distant timelessness

It was all a concert of sounds Mary Jane

It shouldn’t have been –

And you had to learn to exist all over again

Without any help as then – you see, don’t you?

For I’m you Mary Jane and you ‘re me

And those punctures have rotted away

We remember it both Mary Jane

That day we went mad.

How do you feel now Mary Jane?

You and I soundlessly

With vibrating handles screaming for help

We’re learning silence again

But Mary Jane

As twilight dawns

The pictures appear once again

And we sit together you and I Mary Jane

Dripping that madness away

Your food became pills Mary Jane

And pills were your food

They kept you up right on your canvas

all through the night

As you lived in your mind far, far away

That world on your thumb print Mary Jane

It’s all splintered in wheels of past days

Yet – Mary Jane – yet, you learnt the whole truth

On that day you went mad.

MY COTTAGE plashet road. E13.

The vacant buses pass

Roman revenge

Brown beech trees

Gooseberries sinking

Dried cracked thorns blinking

Crowns of thistles

Happiness no matter what life brings

As I walk into the door

The Hetman’s four

30th.Sept.89

Snarling, gnashing

Noise of loneliness

Wounds hiding

Imagined tender aspirations

Never came book

Footsteps

Familiar deer handle

Of the beloved

Tenderness and caning

Love

Of the faceless one

With a thousand faces

30.Sept.89

I am a woman

I dreamed as a girl

Of wooing

Of being loved

Shared laughter and chatter

Of holding hands

Along seashores

I dreamed of sharing dreams

Is a world of harsh realities

Of the eternally displaced person

Taught never to demand

Duty and loyalty above all

Gain through world

Misinterpreting

Thought work would equal love

Walked the wedding plank

Not noticing his reality

Only the outward Anglo – Saxon fairness

That longing of every foreigner

Eternally different

The home a shelter, divided

Children foreign too unshared

Distanced separateness a noiseless wall

So different

Neither laughter nor rage

Only barbs

Enforced with superior brow beating

The strangers lot

Learning, their ways are learnt

Their outside coverings

The casing as hard as steel

Allowing no visions or dreams displayed

But still

I am woman

From warm earth which nurtures responses

Its seeds slice lurking within

Frozen in sorrow

Never able to grasp why

15.Dec.89

Breakdown

Unfinished sadness at life

Dull miscomprehension of conceptions

Apprehended

Spewed out

Misappropriation

And the weeping sickness

Clinging by living

To drowning ideals

Slice searching

Nov.20th

Breakdown

In this silent world

Brimming with ear splitting rows

Daily living

lost touch to reality

Chaotic actions

In ordered unison

Ear drums cracking into ice drops

Of splintered showings

Called being normal

Speaking in channels

Fleshy cheeks watched

With the bones of successes

Senses flown

Tongues torn

Forcing breath flown

with the last civilization

Finding the heels

A silent quaking deepens

Until the fireball swallows it all whole

15.Dec.89

you’re mad

Living alone is that silent world

Nobody spoke a word

We’re too busy to bother was the excuse

And so are you

Now they ask why I didn’t shout

And

You’re dumb as he walked out of the door

And who kept their lives running so smoothly

I ask

And never a glance who or how

Through sickness or health from any of them

My voice was printed is a thousand verbs

Long lost around the world

Life’s experience is brown envelopes

Exchanged for a million ideals

Conversations with heavens

Sin daily written style

Till – you’re mad they all declared as one

You make no sound

This was my silence which I now declare

21.Nov.89

Bullshit

They distort and contort

Diffusing the very pattern of me

Individuality, ill fitting

Questioned

It’s etched

Messages of the might

Seeking tranquility

And the pharmacists answer

22.Nov

magpie

This personal experience

Called making art

Is it imitation

At it loftiest

Elitism gone mad

Does it allow freedom

Freedom to what

The quest of all mankind

Expressing itself

In its textures of shrapnels

And shades of tenor

To hide in

Who have refuge

Nov.21

The model

Sitting

She

Nature

Creation

Searching the strands of her pores

Probing her skin

To find

Only ourselves

Reflections

Of pain and joy

Hopelessness

Imortalising life

Whilst she sits

In her chaotic peace

For the oblivion of the human race

22.Nov.89

Under the blazing lights

Its human flesh

Reveals the profanity of living

In dragging truths

And breathless voice

Encumbrant civilization reverant

In non – belief

Revued

Seconds giving each lie

A lifetime’s story

And disorientated thoughts

Its brain washing reputed

By shadows

]

30.Aug.89

That second before death

Stunted and splintered

Existing only to die

Knowing

Life holds no future

No expectations

Leaves no tender past

Daily grind of automated celibacy

In continued waves of silence

Perished yet never ending

Misunderstanding reasons professed

Is reasonings

Limbo

Giving the lie

Unwished for contracts

Of continuing wash

Daylight formed of necessity

A cry for contact

Why the trials alone

A refugees lament

Grey clouds burning holes into emotions

Tied into grey eyes, keyed into grey skin, staring

Its all pervading sadness

Down beat land

Land of our refuge

If only the sun would shire

Even our pores are turning rusty from damp

Flocking here

Viewing your greatness

Justice

Finite understanding

From clenched anger

Of Churchill’s betrayal

Resentment still burning

As interlopers

2.Feb.86

Women conservation

He went lovely, did he?

Dear me, lovely and so did they

Soon be forty you sit all alone lovely

How many years and so do I

Three or four you say lost your way lovely

Dear me lovely whilst they all played

Lines around the eyes They’re all got someone lovely

The kids are grown lovely while your heart broke

And his are wandering

Your work is done without a penny lovely

Spent a lifetime lovely you sit and wait

Sorting them out it’s a long wait lovely

Hang on lovely till the grave eats you up

What’ll happen if he goes they didn’t train you lovely

You’ll have nothing lovely that’s for other

Gave it all to them who didn’t give so much

How will you manage lovely They seem to have it all lovely

If you let him go while you seemed to

Go wandering for his youth lovely live in vain

Whilst you’re grown old live now with those memories

That keep you upright

And keep you awake lovely

As the years drag you down

You’re told /you’re too old now lovely

Too old for what

And your time’s passed

What was it all for lovely?

They said it was love –

Jan.90

The day the wall: to Joe

Came down

They’re opened up my homeland

Oh god what will this mean

Can I go see, find out

Become

Will it change me, us

My images, reflections with aged newness

My breast beats savagely on hearing

Home’s like the nearly lover

Who walks across the sleet

Never to ached and bitter sweet

Those memories that could have been

To risk the pain to risk the looking

At what’s been missed and al gone by

Is it too late to dare

Touch histories of scattered memories

Stories of Slovaks made jewish by implication

By Jewesses of no talent by the british

As is the file of lies, lies by implication…

Now the crippling begins, under the Red Cross

A jewish Red Cross with medical fronts…….

- over there time moved on –

Standing stiles in our treads

In mellow warmth of distant past

A land now different to all that was

Where do I come how, belong

These strangers here

Or those strangers there?

6.2.90

Waiting for interview at Northern General

Seconds in between

Its met quite like I thought

All carpets, smiles and tea

This interviewing lark

The tea gets churned is nerves

The smiles turn boiling reds

Now they’re said – yes

Hip hip hurra

Only three more years ahead

You worry and you scurry

Is this really right?

Am I good enough

Will I do

Oh god, should I be here at all

It’s all so doubtful now

Courage courage

It’ll all work out

They haven’t bit you yet

But will you ever qualify

Pass exams, do alright

Well, got to have a go

That’s life

There’s people here and there

It’s like a great big town

A miniscule universe

Within the hospital ground

There’s those in charge

And those below

And those who laugh and cry

And then there’s even some who work

To make the place go round

There teachers, preachers, folks who pray

Those spending their last days

And those who tremble at the might

Of all within their sight

- I’m coming to join them all, I think

To hide within this crowd

I’ll do my bit and moan and groan

Just as they all do here

And beneath it all be filled with faith

About the way to go

I’ve filled my little jug with wee

And answered all their questions

With answers that were right for me –

Can’t except much more than that right now

Given them my honest thoughts

Now they’ll expect my labours too

What makes it all worth while I ask

This work and caring so immense

Well, there’s the wage –

Is that so big?

Eeh, I don’t know, you’ll see

They tell me naught

Watch carefully what I do

Can’t see that tickle in my turn

Excitement hope and a new start

With all I’ve learnt from life’s bashes

To use in service – here –

Can they use flying spirits though ,I ask

Gotta wait and see

When I come back they’ll tell

If I’m worth it or no

Autumn.tern.89.[BED]shades of flokinokinihilipilification

Look what I found is this bucket of mothers

Shining with gold

Cared for coiffeurs

Attired is fashioned articles

And I expected the thinkers

And we’re the strugglers

Instead

Powdered and puffed

Needing interest

To add to their pampered lives –

So what of us

The losers

Well yes, a bit different

It’s all a bit difficult

Its pocket money to them

Three peoples total assets to us

But nevertheless moving mountains

We become

Hoping to teach

Have a profession

Starving to get there

No free roofs of marriage

No luxuries for the children

The LEA thinks – methinks

We belong to the moaners

New Year.89

What are we doing

We artists of live form or colour

Or frightened of

Of disarranging for ever

As we disappear

Hope to live for ever

As obsessive line, form or colour

Obsession for what

What makes us

Who make us

For what purpose

Put our souls on paper

On view to the world

Shouting our emotions

Fleshy syllables in lines and forms – colour

Textures excused by profits

We’ll sell we excuse

It isn’t so, we need to

What

Create in existances name

6.Jan.92.

Performance Poetry

Stratford Dole Office

Whilst Waiting

Waiting on benches at Stratford

Unfortunately

the area I live in

Is ok

But life’s a shit

You know why?

It’s Britain

Hurrah for Britain

Someone

Somewhere

Knows

We sit – on benches

And claim

Fresh claims and general enquiries

To feed

The excecutive

Hail now Marx

Come and help us

Lets raise the flag

Where are we going?

Our next

Appointment

For the system

No one starves

Where - ?

In Britain doze

That’s why we sit

here

Waiting for the officers

What officers

We won the war

We freed Britain

With all our new claims

Join the Army

Join the Dole

Join the Queue

Just don’t ask

For

For what?

What are we asking for

Pray

Do tell us

About what

What’s free about Britain

What’s the percentage

Percentage of what

Black, white, brown

But they only come here

For what

and yellow too

The grand life style of course

of the empire

That’s why we sit here

On our benches

Its compensation

Shit –

What’s this

Hunchbached gargoils

It’s like church

Isn’t it?

There they fed obedience

What dill they give us in

church?

And school

School too

What do they give us

In the wonderful

The wonderful, the wonderful

The wonderful what

Oh yea

The wonderful British establishments

Where they teach

Now my belief is

That –

What’s my belief

I give

What do I give?

I give the dole

Where its at

What?

Where what’s at

We’re society man

We’re society

We’re big and little

And skinny

And fat

And and and and.....

And we went to school

And we went to church

Honest we did

We did

And they taught us

They taught us

Now let me remember

They taught us how to sit on benches

To say

Yes sir

Yes miss

Cause you know it all

Miss – sir

You got it all – right

Sir Sir Sir.....

And I stick your hand – out

For the care

Miss Miss Miss

And

And why aren’t you telling me

What to do now

Miss – sir

You’re standing up there sir – miss

You’ve got

A job

A car

A house

A holiday

Even –

I’ll bet you’ve even got

Got Got Got.....

Shall I tell you – miss, sir

What your establishment got me

I got to sit on benches

Sir – miss

Does that tell you something

Miss – sir

Does that tell you

Does that

Shit sir – miss

What does that tell you?

I know what it tells me sir – miss

If tells me

Hey, you’re the brain box

You’re the ore who knows it all

You stand up there

All of you

And tell us

On all the benches

That we’ve sat on

Shit sir – miss

Since we were –

I can’t remember anymore when

Pant of your machinery

Your plan

Sir – miss

Your great big almighty machine

That sits people on benches

You

Sat us

Benches

All over

Your system

With

Your

Forms

Exams

Orders

And tidy little plans

Of how

YOUR

Society

Should look

Sir – miss

Did you think

How

I’d

Feel

When you spewed me

Out

from your machinery

On to your waste – valve

Did I get it wrong

Sir – miss

Or did you?

29.1.93

SHEEZAN’S DARACH

Visiting the Writers syndicate.

Often clinking

coffee at East Ham

In a café

They don’t collect rubbish anymore

The East end and the streets are

Is yellow grit paved in gold!

Is plastic orange chairs

Is green tea/afloat with bits

Specks of multi – coloured life

Life and lives

Warm skins of dancing cool greys

Dancing is that daunted eternity way

And I am still new

Here

new old way

Winter cloths with pitted teeth

(fake or true) obtained from the dole

no truth here

children conceived and born to feed

with endless opportunities to sigh no

in the rain

in the damp

watching ……for the opportune moment to scream at officials

each stocky feat full of skinny housewives

with their purses bulging with dole

and he? Himself – in their sky – scrapers scraping for the skies

grinning at some sow of a civil servant

is yet another got office,

and she

glistening

like an over decorated got covered Christmas

Tree

Amazing trellis

With the wellies to wade through the dirt

It all goes in mulch

Quite reverently

Seeing the buses pass

Strangers in the night

Trudging like

Ships that parse

Or something like that

He declares he wants his love

Well floured

A man needs a tart to cheer

his worship the dole

Just around the corner at the Muslim pub

On black plastic

And

Jesus watched too watches from below

Lights suggested it all passing

The red lights

Passing by that pink glow

Passing away

Where all sat listening

To plastic creaking

Springs, squeaking

Through rotten walls

Shiny black plastic

Of unknown qualities

Quantity unknown

And the lights flickered over the tombs

Of London

all night long

Drown

Londoners enjoying black plastic

Shiny black plastic

Filled with rubbish

Such a waste

Raised with the sweat of competitive racism

And a million or more

And more millions folk

All perspiring

Into driblets of salty cracked sewers

Jerking spewing out – trash

Mice and rats

Around the blacks

Glassy black plastic realities

Detrimental

Orange green glass cup

Over the bar of differences

We’re

All

Easterners

Local

East Enders, who

What’s local

In London

all spit on

the black shiny plastic

Equality pegs longer

the same equally

They’ve changed it all as we watched

Unseeing not caring

Sit again and there’s yet a church

or some one’s house of god

Talk of church windows

Squares of honesty

Latticed with theology

Smelling of breweries

How all its accomplishment

Knowing that Jesus can’t

Visit

Neither

The coloureds preach

To us now and I thought we had damned Jesus to them

Even the temples

And smells of drugs

With their handled virginity

As everyone gives their arm an opinion

Lots of thoughts for others

To peruse over

And eat in sickening knuckles of gristles

Pork or penises

Yes and no’s

Scream through the chattering

Of clattering irony

Shining reflections

To deflect the holy wood never ending

Immigration circular

Movements of the world

Screen at its veins of crunchy marrow

Hollows burning into osteopaths

Chairs

Levered by politicians

Munch in the same skeins

Of baby pale – blue cotton wool clouds

Robust threads

Running through glazed policies

Magnifying goodness

Please welcome to Sheezan

And Imran Kahn

Invites you to his clinic

Or is it restaurant

Is it Halal

Butchers relax

We’re all watching you

Trays piled with magnetized strengths

Sepia smells wafting

Traveling

With taunted restraint

Isolated performers

Anglicization Protected

Stifling the dusty brilliance

Turquoise masses leaning

Blotchy

Held in a net of sun shine leaving

Back

The gauges washes in the grimy waters

the Thames flows in these quarters

Like pee

Life added to yet another

Setting sun

1.Nov.89

Course Committee of students

I am the student

Who is the reptile?

Representative

Profile Please

Feed back if they ever

Evaluation of dried leaves

Subject leaders under foot

An afternoon inspiration

Odd writings locked in this room

Consulting bodies air waves

Advisers – teachers tear savers

Organizing and chaneling park lands

Thoughts and actions dark hands

Yes

The melee

Which ignores,

which wanders,

which dawdles

Through it’s all in orders

Deaf as atone to all

This specification and that squeezing

We invoked

What did you say

A future for the few

A life of promise

What promise?

In happiness, I cried out

This king

Of those

Left –

Who’ll never live

Who’ll never know

That glory and honour

Of becoming

Acceptable

Left on the sheep of living

Without a plan

Mathematics of words

Literacy examined

By examination and figures

Sounds of beauty

Music is corporate

Washing the tepid suds

Of artistic depths

We discuss

They tack

So necessary

Without

Such a loss

But dear

oh dear

We could

Paint

Write

Wonder on crispy leaves

- such heroes

are we

Discussing,

talking and

Oh so, so necessary

Minor politicians

One and all

Except me

Rationalize thoughts?

Never

How can you –

Big brother squeezing personalities

Into shape

Herds of manageability

- increased cooperativity

Grey life matter

Given distance, close up

Not me

Black motes

Melodious

Glances

White notes

Secondary dances

Porous, cellulose voices of living

Putting sounds into actions

Protruded debates

Waftings all clarified

Of yesterday’s hopes

Nostalgia and beauty

Combines

On faceless boards

Sad words of rejection

Words

Words of analyzing

Categorizing

Humanity lost it’s touch in numbers

Love words

Words of love

With

Words of hate

Afield listening organisations

With wonderment programmed

Candidates are lumps of flesh

Suddenly turn to life

Emitting their time subject

Sounds of and colour character targeted

Wondorous wonder

How did man aquire

fluctuating musical sounds

Binds them with draw

Overwhelmed tell all

In grunts groans that have of belief become

Lofty wisdom

Words

Sound thudding

Distant whispers

Hollow booming

Leaves its marks

Patches of oval reasonings

Opposed voices of action

Conformity technique

Interview application break

With later identifications

Now what was said in this meeting

Broken problem issues mentioned

Spokesmen’s particularness support transferred

Talking groups council jargoning

On conducted occassions

Don’t ask me at the combines

meeting what was said at this meeting

8.10am over the TV.on sixth November 1997

NOV. 1997

I wouldn’t have believed it

I’ve got away with it

I think I’ve got away with it

Per the British and other governments

On TV

Murders with much pain

Thousands robbed

A life destroyed

An artist destroyed

Misery for 20 years to now

Much beyond yet

Britain’s advancement

To save its corrupt Jews

Christmas 93

Khounlivong Cheng’s party

Khounlivong Cheng – Ost str 60.

Cheng visits [Berlin]

Rice sticks

Sticky balls

Of food

And Mao wrote beautiful verse

That politician of dreams

That student of ancient poetry

Fighting a waiting attack

through out the night

In his caves

Cheng knows

Farms are watered

Filled with the blood

Of this philosophy and that

No one wins

Cheng reads

Cold nights

damp mountains

Was it worth it?

eating would

Or was it the power of the mushroom?

The bones rotted

Cheng shivered

Who remembers?

Cheng worries –

Whose bones?

Cheng sits cross legged

cold earth

Alive

Thinks of chrysanthemums

And lives his celibacy

In a strange

strange land

Where they cry

smiling –

Cheng tells

If they see black hair

It’s dangerous.

Cheng reasons

Then they made rope from such black hair

Friends end up in hospital

Beaten like steak

Cared for by the state!

Cheng smiled as he visited

Learned to know

Smiled as we shivered

Read as he smiled

Smiled as we sat

And cried through the telling

Sitting up in hospital

We all sighed

Three years later

A boy was killed

Here on the streets of London

After a football match

A Dutch boy

The hatred never ceases

Because he looked like a German

By a mob of football fans.....

6.Nov.97

Those dogs

you’re not bad for a German he said

Tho’ I hate them like dogs

Actually

Our German sergeant dug trenches

For all of us

to live

When we refused

There battling for them in Italy

And sat there laughing at him

Soldiers of the Wehrmacht all of us

- he was one hell of a worker!

Actually

Our officer was a dammed efficient guy

Couldn’t fault him

They did miracles

We never got kicked by them

Like the British

Well Scotts Guard kicked us

But I hate Germans

Actually

They’re hard working

Yes and decant

And quiet

But I hate Germans

In the end

a few took my life quite without cause.

In democratic Britain

but I hate the Germans, like dogs!!

He sighed

The Priest, Protestant ofcourse because we are Catholics, who was asked into the Human Research Lab of St Barths to watch the vilest of lewd films for an illegal highly dangerous, banned unofficial programme made by their licensious staff, says….a programme of manipulation and destruction as has never been known before, yet totally secretly…

“however you have written good ideas,” chirped the English man, “good thoughts, I will use them in Sermons.”

And Raika, my childhood friend from Elsham Camp, Lincolnshire, is now tuned to explore every second of our camp life to ensure I cannot talk of any of it. She writes, friend alters and Lab ensures all is printed..

It is considered ‘’revenge’’………yet, hadn’t my mother ensured that over two hundred of their women were fed and kept safe and alive in humane conditions……..

No avenue must be left, no voice will be given to these people we have damaged, destroyed and murdered murmures the Lab.

M/s ‘’they are going to try a monetary collapse next. The tidal wave hasn’t come off yet.’’

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