#Also I didn't take the pictures. My dad did. Credit where it's due.

[seehowsupplethespineis]

I HAVE MET THEM! I HAVE OFFICIALLY MET PETER CULLEN AND FRANK WELKER! I AM GOING TO TYPE OUT EVERYTHING I CAN REMEMBER EVEN THOUGH I AM EXHAUSTED BECAUSE THE PUBLIC MUST KNOW OF THEIR GREATNESS!

I waited in line for three hours and it was hot and stuffy but WORTH IT because I freaking MET THEM and they are ABSOLUTELY THE BEST!!!

Okay, okay, first of all, the second I turned the corner into the autograph room and saw them, I thought I would explode. I was bouncing and flapping my hands and just generally annoying the people around me but I did not care! The autograph session was only supposed to last until 3:30, but one of the staff members announced that Cullen and Welker had decided to book a later flight. Welker stood up and held his hands out saying “It’s okay! We are here to stay!” Everyone cheered.

When it was finally my turn, I could barely think straight. Cullen came first and asked, “What have we here?” in an Ironhide voice, so obviously it took me a moment to respond because I was geeking out so hard. I handed him my Best of Optimus Prime comic and asked him to make it out to me. I even said “Thank you, Mr. Cullen,” because I’m awkward like that. He looked at the cover and said “How about right across the mask, huh? In red!” and I just went “Yeaaahhhh!” and he signed it. Of course, he bid me farewell with a “Roll out!” and I remembered I wanted to wish him a happy belated birthday, so I did. He was very pleased that I’d remembered and gave me an enthusiastic “Thank you!”

Then I met Welker! Just like Cullen, he was super friendly and when I handed him my Best of Megatron comic, he was very intrigued. He even briefly flipped through it and showed it to the staff member beside him. When he eventually signed it, I expected him to just write his name and my name, but he also wrote a little “Megatron!” in the corner, which was absolutely incredible. I thanked him and he replied with “Thank you, young man!” He didn’t do any voice acting for me, but I watched him do his Scooby-Doo voice for some kiddos, who loved it almost as much as I did.

I had to pass by Peter Cullen on my way out, so I again thanked him and he waved. When I was back in the lobby, I was literally shaking all over. I couldn’t even get the comics back in their protective bags and had to ask someone else to do it. Cullen and Welker were literally everything I’d hoped for. They were kind and welcoming and so excited to meet their fans. I’d expected as much, given how they behave in the panels and interviews I’ve watched online, but I honestly wasn’t prepared for just how humble they are. They even posed for pictures even though the photo shoot session ended hours ago and they weren’t getting paid for it. They are truly the embodiment of “I’m just happy to be here!” and I love it.

I still can’t believe I actually got to meet them. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. Probably not.

[mocacheezy]

Things that made watching Transformers (2007) easier and even enjoyable:

[note: B'verse gets the treatment that it gets by fandom for good reasons. There are tons of posts that dissect the bullshit of these movies far better than my second-language-english-non-american self could ever tackle, so I am not doing that, or plan on doing that. But if I decide that I'll get through every continuity of the franchise I will find a way to make it fun for myself. And so, this is my search for golden nuggets in these movies, because they did bring in new fans to the franchise and that's why we have other continuities that we might not have otherwise. Credit where it's due, and some positivity for those that did find B'verse at least amusing if nothing else. ]

🍴🥄🔪🍴🥄🔪🍴🥄🔪🍴🥄🔪🥄🔪🍴🥄🔪

Frenzy

Anytime Frenzy was on screen made me smile because his movements and personality were hilarious, he is just so expressive despite looking like someone super glued a bunch of knifes together. I wouldn't know it was Frenzy if I didn't go to the Wiki, but no matter that, he was funny and that's what matters.

The original Cybertronian robot modes

We don't see them for long, but the glimpses were glorious. Just look at Optimus

Gorgeous. What I wouldn't give to see the details up close. Maybe I'll go looking eventually, but this is just so nice.

We also get a "sexily rises from the pool" scene with Ironhide (probably unintentional and I am biased due to being a robofucker. In any case, very very nice and Cybertronians look so good as aliens)

"Excuse me, are you the Tooth Fairy?"

You see this kid?

This little girl was the only human I cared about in the movie until I saw just how badass Mikaela is, and how cool the military dude is. I don't like kids, but I would lay down my life for this girl.

This one scene just makes me think of what would happen if her parents showed up way earlier. Ironhide would be her guardian and it would be both adorable and hilarious because "Honey, you have to drive in a sentient alien that looks just like our car because the goverment men said so or there will be consequences and potential alien threats."

There are so many joke potentials there; the cultural barrier, the "I am the ine that is supposed to keep her safe" glaring contests, there is just so much shenanigans that could happen.

Also, tea party with the kid. Tea party with the kid.

Sam Witwicky actually reacts like an average human would when faced with the situations he finds himself in

Do I like Sam Witwicky? No, he is the kind of character that I would want to punch irl because of his personality and actions. He is disgusting. But watching him scamper and scream and stutter when faced with giant metal robot aliens that can squish him like a bug? Good, that was a beliavable reaction and I enjoyed it a great deal.

Megatron. Just, ✨Megatron✨

(the best screenshot of the few I could take while watching, no, I am not going back for a better one, he looks perfect like this)

I also laughted at how they kept him frozen like a popsicle. And not even well, like, they COULD'VE made an actual freezer and pop him in instead of using those couple of tubes just so he was displayed for all personell to gawk at. HE CRASHED IN THE ANTARCTIC!

The design looks so good, because it looks ALIEN and POINTY and AGH!!! The colors? There are no colors that would make him stand out, he looks like someone opened a cutlery drawer, mixed up what's inside, threw in some extra knifes for a good measure and then shook the whole thing until this guy materialized from the pile. It is both incredibly annoying and satisfying.

🔪

Mr. Welker did an amazing job with his voice, I don't know what the directions were, but oh man it sure sent shivers down my spine. That is the kind of voice that spells "You are going to die" and I already have my coffin picked out.

EDIT: SO APPARENTLY! IT WAS NOT WELKER THAT VOICED MEGATRON.

It was Hugo Weaving, and yes the man did am amazing job, but I apologize a million times, I was CERTAIN that THE OG VA OF MEGATRON WOULD ALSO HAVE VOICED MEGATRON. LIKE, OKAY BAY, OKAY!

🔪

LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF ICE! With how quick he came back fully online once Frenzy turned off the freeze liquid tubes, I bet he was half awake through the whole thing. Systems just below idling or something, in any case, AGENTS YOU ARE SO DUMB! WHO WAS GIVING SUBPAR FUNDING TO THEM, THEY BETTER BE FIRED!

I also was glad that Sam refused to call him by the name the sector asigned to him, despite Megatron being in stasis. And that he insisted they use the correct name. Good job Sam, acknowledge the threat by the actual name and show respect to a fellow sentient lifeform. Even though said lifeform is hellbent on destruction of the universe and your world.

ALSO, AND I CANNOT STRESS THE LAUGHTER AND AMUSEMENT HERE; the sheer DISRESPECT! They don't disassemble Megatron's corpse. No, these idiots, these absolute morons decide to dump him into the ocean, letting him sink to the lowest possible point (not sure if they did say it was the M' Trench or not), where there are proper freezing temperatures - good! You're learning, good job!! - just... In full. Full corpse. What's left of him. Just blup! Down with the fishies he goes!

I understand that they probably didn't know how to approach Optimus about it, but... At least behead the guy. He came back ONCE, who is to say he won't come back again?! Safety precautions my dears.

They also completely disregard what a giant extraterrestrial metal alien rusting away on the bottom of the ocean could do to the ecosystem at large. Like, I find this incredibly amusing, because this ISN'T something most folks think about when watching a movie but we have giant squids down there. We have so much weird things down there, the ocean isn't even fully explored AND YOU WANT TO CHUCK AN ALIEN CORPSE DOWN THERE?!

Now the real question: is he a looker? *looks at the pictures* hmmmm, depends on if you like knifes. Like, really like knifes. Like really, really REALLY want to get it on with a fine assembly of kitchen knifes that were exposed to the elements but somehow haven't rusted away completely.

I think he's neat.

Needs a good long powerwash though. Preferrably with something to help the whole "I was frozen for more than 50 years and sprang back to action as soon as I woke up" thing that happened.

My man needs to take a moment and get his bearings, like dude. Please. You can conquer the world after some energon and slow system boot-up period. The strain on the systems my dude, you ain't young.

Also love that this "death" was probably reused in TFP because lord golly, do we love our faves ending up under the sea. (Though Megan took a much bigger fall, Bayverse WAS PLOPPED INTO THE WATER LIKE A NEWLY ACQUIRED FISH I CAN'T YOU GUYS I CAN'T!)

In short: I love the comedy of american military giving such disrespect to an Alien Warlord. These guys are really sealing their fate.

I loved the way they got the Witwicky family to be important to the plot

The whole "selling my great great grandpa's glasses on e-bay" thing gives us a very good self insert/OC/rewrite/movie AU potential. Don't like Sam and his disgustingness? Find a way to write a cousin or some far off relative or hell, even just someone who buys the glasses off e-bay and go wild with it!

Archibald was also clearly an inspiration for Isaac Sumdac as far as I can tell, what with both of them using Megatron as a means of helping technology advance.

Only difference being one of them lived and actually talked to Megatron after he came back online and the other got driven to madness and death due to the amount of information beamed into his brain. Isaac also acquired a space baby daughter, so the guy is absolutely luckier of the two.

Mikaela being fucking competent and badass throughout the movie, and not being just fanservice eyecandy

I could do without the fanservice, but her personality? I loved it. I loved that she wasn't crawling to Sam and wasn't being "hard to get". Which is also why I was very displeased at the very sudden "oh yeah, romance! She returns his feelings after he took her for a ride and let her vent her frustrations!". The movie is 2 hours long and they could throw in some moments where these two connect?

Welp, it is an action movie, boy gets girl no matter what, can't complain about the staple in the genre.

However, Mikaela x Optimus? Now THAT is something I considered as soon as the two locked eyes and interacted. Like, even taking my shipping goggles off, these two could have a very interesting dynamic and Mikaela could be a very good protagonist. I wonder what the movie would be like with her as the lead and Sam being the fucking moron she has to drag along with her.

BUT ALSO! Can we talk about the horrible, excruciating fact that her and Bumblebee drove around with Bee's damaged legs dragging over asphalt all the time he was shooting at 'Cons? There were sparks flying! SHE WAS DRIVING BACKWARDS! She took command of the situation and did what she could because Bee still wanted TO FIGHT!

Also, they way she beat up Frenzy? Gorgeous, I want to slap Sam's non-existent balls off for not atleast saying "thanks". The dude would be sliced thinner than cabbage if she wasn't there.

The millitary man we are supposed to care about because his wife gave birth while he was on duty and we see his baby three times in the whole movie, actually being a pretty awesome and well-written character

Look, personally, I was a little confused at the reason why we were seeing his wife and baby interacting/the scene where she thinks her husband is dead. Mostly because I don't like kids, so scenes like that, when I don't even know who the character is, have no impact at all. Him having a baby isn't going to make me like the guy more, unless I know his character. Him being absent because he's on duty doesn't mean he'll be a good dad (though he looks like the kind of man that will try his best, and I like that in a man). So seeing his wife and kid at the start of the movie seemed pointless to me.

BUT! FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVES HERE!

Lennox is a good character and whenever he was on screen I was invested in what is going to happen to him. He's the kind of action movie lead that would have me invested, despite my meh interest in mainly gun fight oriented action movies.

Essentially, loved the guy, would love to see more of him while also being able to tell what's happening on screen. Also the comedy scenes he was in were usually funny.

~

Okay so these are the things I like about the first movie! It was very long, had to watch it on 2,5x speed because it simultainously dragged while ALSO giving me too much information, but the moments like these and the way my imagination latched onto characters I liked made it watchable. It isn't a movie I'd use to introduce someone to the TF franchise, but it provided me with lots of material for my imagination to run wild.

[simpforsnape]

Sincerely Yours.

Severus Snape x OC/Reader

wordcount: 2599

warnings: none, minor errors.

credit to the creator of this gif.

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Chapter 7

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The clicking of Anah heels echoed throughout the halls of Hogwarts. 'Somehow' Sirius Black has found his way into the school. It’s already known how he was able to get in. Remus. Speaking of, he went missing. From what she was told by Dumbledore, he forgot to take his potion. So he would be gone for a few days or so.

Still, things weren’t looking so good for either of them.

She paced the dark halls on with her search. What would she do if she ran into him? Fight him? Cry maybe? Who knew.

Her eyes met with a panting that settled on the wall. Since the school is magical, there no doubt that it was alive.

“Has anyone lingered around this area?” Anah questioned as most of the paintings uttered.

”Why yes M'lady.”

She turned to an old painting. It was an old man sitting in a rocking chair smoking a pipe.

”Who was it?” She questioned holding her light wand near the portrait.

The man adjusted his pipe before giving off a cocky smirk.

”Sirius Black M'lady."

She placed her hands on her hips.

”Where did he go?”

The elder man pointed over at the Ravenclaws stairs.

”That way I presume.”

She nodded her head in gestures of thanking him before making her way to the tower.

Instead of walking.. she started running. But why?

The stairs were literal hell. It took her almost an eternity to reach the top.

She came to the door that stood between her and the common room. The knocker settled there. She gave off a gentle sigh bringing her hand up to knock.

Of course, how could she forget about the riddle?

The knocker spoke.

"Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?"

Anah felt her eyebrow twitch, honestly, no one had time for this.

"A circle has no beginning."

The door creaked opened soon after.

"Well reasoned."

Anah stepped into the quiet common room. She held her lit wand up motioning around the room. The moonlight filled the room mostly, so it was hardly needed. While she gazed across the room she couldn't help but embrace the silence that was overhauling it. She noticed a presence in the corner of her eye standing in the veer of the room. It was Sirius.

He slowly stepped from the darkness into the light unveiling himself to her.

"Anahstacia..." his tone was rough.

She made a face. Mixed emotions were running through her. What would you do if you haven't seen an old friend in 12 years?

"Sirius.." She allowed a slight smile to peer on her face as the two soon walked towards each other to quickly embrace.

"You've grown.." He mumbled as the two pulled away.

Anah turned her head, doing her best to not weep. Sirius, along with the rest of the Marauder's Crew were brothers to her. Only two were alive.

"I have no words, Sirius..." She mumbled to herself soon walking over to the nearest couch. Sirius stood there, still in his prisoner's clothes. Of course, he didn't have such an elegant appearance.

"It is alright to not have any..." he enunciates the woman who then turned to him, whipping the single tear she shed.

"Why are you here.." She questioned with her eyes still on him. She heard him sigh at her question.

He moved to the settee across from her.

"Do you believe that I'm innocent?.." His question almost hovered over Anah.

"Yes, of course...”

He clasped his hands together as he then looked down at the blue carpet.

”I didn't give up Lily and James location.. it was Peter. Peter Pettigrew..He framed me.. For everything. Their death, the muggles.. Everything..”

Anah cocked a brow with her arms tugged around herself. Hearing him re-explaining the whole situation was anguishing, but he was only speaking the truth.

”But he's dead?..”

Sirius gazed up at the young woman as he shook his head.

”He is alive.. he's here..in the castle. That's who I'm after..”

But how? The only thing that was left of the man was a finger.

”Are you certain that he's here?...” she questioned again.

”I’m sure.. I just need a chance.. A chance to confront him..”

Anah was sat back into the confronts of the chair. After all this time, It was Peter who betrayed the Potters..

”Where is he?”

Sirius leaned toward the chair.

”He’s in his Animagus form disguised as a pet.. I've seen him in a picture with the Weasly’s..”

Anah hummed against herself.

”So.. You need to get to him?...”

Sirius shook his head as Anah soon stood up from her seat to extend her hand out to the man.

”I’ll help you...”

She paused again this time glaring at him. "But only for the sake of my Godson."

Sirius looked at the woman before shaking his head, almost as if he was worried.

”I don't want you to get dragged into-”

”Sirius, shut up and shake my hand.”

Anah’s face remained the same as she gestured to him to shake her hand.

Sirius hesitate for a second. He knew he could rely on the woman.

The two then shook hands agreeing on the hunt for Peter Pettigrew.

He chucked a bit as he now tucked his hand beside him.

"You know, Harry Potter is my Godchild as well."

She rolled her eyes ignoring his statement. Well, after all he was.

”I’ll be on the lookout, until then Sirius... Please be safe.. And if you ever need anything don't hesitate to ask alright?” a smile peered on Anah's face. The man in front of her stood up to embrace her once more.

”Of course Anahstacia, until then..”

She turned on her heels now heading out the door.

”And Anah..” Sirius called out as she quickly turned to him.

”Yes?”

”Thank you... For not attacking me.. Honestly, I was waiting for you to do so..” He grinned as his comment caused Anah to roll her eyes and smile.

”It was tempting, but.. I rather greet you with love than hate.. Now go before someone sees you..”

And like that, Anah left the Ravenclaws tower now heading back to the Grand Hall.

Once she arrived the entire hall was silent. There were sleeping bags everywhere. She noticed the Headmaster and a few other Professors standing on the other end of the hall. She must have been the last to return.

She walked past the asleep children approaching the Headmaster. Dumbledores hands were tucked behind his back as he then turned his head towards Anah.

“The west wing is clear..” she spoke making mere eye contact. On both sides of Dumbledore stood Severus and Minerva.

“Good.. I would desire the teachers to remain here until morning.”

Anah nodded her head now turning to look at Severus. He only returned the look. He knew something was up with her. It shouldn't take that long to search the west wing, or should it?

The night carried on as usual, by morning everything was back on schedule. Classes were delayed a bit, some teachers were able to sleep. On the other hand, Anah didn’t get much.

By the time she hit her third class, she was completely over the paperwork, and sad to say some of the students.

It was the evening and classes were let out. The big Quidditch game was coming up in no less than an hour. Anah, along with Harry and his two other friends Hermione and Ron were all in her classroom waiting until it was time to go down to the Quidditch field.

“Are you excited?” Anah asked while Harry turned to fix the Quidditch attire.

“No, and Yes..” his voice said it all.

The Professor was sat behind her desk watching the children in front of her.

“You know, your Dad would incredibly nervous before every game..”

Her comment got his attention fully.

”Really?”

She shook her head, propping one of her legs up on her desk. She had on muggle clothes. Black skinny jeans with a navy blue turtle neck tucked in. She still had a cape on, but it was also black. As old as she was, she still had insecurity about her body.

”Oh yeah, James was something else back then Harry..” she smiled adjusting her posture. ”He’d always make it seem like was all calm in front of the ladies, but when he was around us, boy oh boy..” She spoke making a face causing Harry to smile more along with the other two teens.

Hopefully, that was able to ease his nerves.

”It’s time Harry..” Ron called out with his hands in his pockets. Hermione was standing next to him. The two had on their regular muggle clothes on top of their rain attire, there was a storm going on already.

An arrangement was made between Severus and Anah. He would meet up with her before the game started so that they would sit with each other.

The three students left afterward. Anah did a lot of ’mother pampering’ to Harry and the gang before the big game.

The Professor has just finished straightening up until she heard the familiar heavy footsteps marching into her classroom.

”Are you ready?...” asked the tried man.

The man in black just eyed her. He had on his regular attire, but with a clock over due to the weather.

Anah turned around getting Severus with a simple smile.

”Yes, I am. How were your classes?”

She started to fix her clothes in the reflection of a window.

She heard the man pacing around, with his shoes clocking in the walk.

”Those daft dimbos will never get anything right.” He groaned while bringing his hands up to his face in the process. She turned to the man.

”Was it a potion?” She questioned. Her attention was still on herself. She was fixing her hair, along with her face.

"Lupin neglected to take his potion, so.. I was told to overtake his class until he.. returns." Anah heard the annoyance all throughout the man's words.

"It's not all bad isn't it?" The woman questioned now walked over to the Professor who was now sitting down in the nearest seat.

"It's quite vexatious if you ask me." Anah appeared behind him with on hand propped on his shoulder and the other gripping the bottom of his chin.

"You just need to relax.. That's all... How about this.. after the game, allow me to take you out for a drink.." She gave him a charming smile. He watched the woman utterly astonished by her movements. He should have expected it as always.

"And why.. should I accept this..?" He phased throughout his words.

She smirked leaning down to invaded his space.

"Because, I know you'd go.. exceptionally with me.."

He scoffed but he knew she was right. He turned his head now loosening the grip from Anah.

"Alright.. but.. I expect you-"

"To be on my best behavoir~ I know, don't worry. I'll do my best to not embarrass you~" She teased. The man turned his back somewhat satisfied with her response. The two were then off to the Quidditch game.

It was rather long due to the storms. The teachers were all in one reserved tower. It was raining cats and dogs, but not literally. Anah sat between Severus and Minerva. The had just begun. The players were out, the ball was set and the crowd took place with their roars of support. Anah's eyes were on Harry the entire time. Quidditch was a rough game, but every time she saw him getting roughed up, her anxiety only worsened.

For a point and time, Anah lost track of him. Anah sighed with her hands clenching onto the raincoat that was covering her. Severus eye's quickly looked down to see what the woman was fiddling with. "Something.. frettins you?" He spoke loud enough for her to hear. She glanced at him soon making a face. "Don't you think this game is a bit.. you know..severe?"

A chuckle escaped from his chest. "You're worried about him?.." She didn't bother to look at him. The rain was dripping off their bodies in the midsts. There were uproars of chatters going on around them. "Of course I am.. I'm his Godmother." He knew this. "Hmph." The conversation ended afterwards.

The game continued on a usual with the unlike disturbance of the storm. There was a lot of calamity going on. Some brooms were being strucked by lightning and catching on fire, while others.. well.. let's just say some will spend some time in the Infirmary.

The young witch noticed that Harry had been away for some time now. There were too many thoughts going through her head. Feeling like a mother at the moment, worry over buried her.

"Severus, He's been gone for too long now.." Her eyes soon met with the man who quickly dismissed her concern. He quietly sighed before speaking. "Anah, he's fine." He expressed hovering his hand over hers. For a moment the two went silent. Severus Snape just showed affection. In public.

He turned his head away, he was in no doubt timid. As soon as he tried to pull away his hand away Anah grasped it keeping it in place. Like mentioned before, he was never the one to show affection, but he was aside himself today.

Anah was just about to utter a word until gasps and screams spread throughout the yard. Someone was falling from their broom. It was Harry. The woman's heart stopped. Before the poor boy hit the ground the Headmaster saved him in the nick of time.

He and the other injured players were quickly rushed to Hospital wing. Anah left as quick as she could to check on the poor boy.

If it wasn't for Dumbldore.. Well, Harry would have taken a hefty fall.

Anah stood at the edge of the bed looking over the poor boy. He looked.. well. He didn't look so great.

Ron, Hermione and a few other students including the Weasley twins all came strutting in to check on their friend.

”Professor V?” Questioned the chestnut gal, Hermione.

”Hm?” Anah turned to greet the students.

Hermione went to go sit by the bed while the others hovered over boy.

”Is he alright? I mean, he took a bloody fall.” Ron added gleaming down at his bestfriend.

”How else would you look like if you were to fall 3,000 feet?” Fred added while George nudge at him.

”Yeah, Why don't we push you off the astronomy tower and see how you would look Ron?”

Ron made a face at the two brothers before rolling his eyes. ”Shut up..”

A smile peered on the woman's face watching the interaction going on between the teens. Her eyes soon hit the clock when she had seen what time it was. It was rolling into evening and she had some ’Business to attend to.’

Anah gave one more glance at the boy before turning to Hermione. ”Tell him I waited for him, alright?”

”Yes Professor V.”

Anah bid well to all of the students as the headed to her Chambers to change into something for ’fitting’ for the evening. When she finished changing she glanced into the mirror once more completely satisfied with her look.

When she looked at her she noticed a few tweaks. Her hair was a mess, along with her dress. It looked as if.. hm.. that’s interesting. Was tonight the night Severus would finally give in? The mirror only gave minor hints.

Tonight was going to be something after all

[soccerbites]

listen to my heartbeat, JJ Maybank

masterlist in bio

a.n: i posted this a few months ago but it got deleted when i deactivated my old account, and it was a request, if you think it's familiar that's probably why :) english is not my first language so i apologize in advance for any mistake.

words count: 1,6k

warnings: swearing, lots of angst, death of a close family member.

(not my gif, if it's yours please tell me so i can give you credits)

You knew she shouldn't go to that trip, you told her not to but she didn't listen to you, as always.

After losing your dad a few years ago she was everything you had left.

You just couldn't believe it, your uncle told you on the phone call that your mum died in her sleep, sudden death, but it was senseless she was the most healthy person you've ever knew, she had a super strict diet and every morning ran around the neighborhood as a exercise form.

They say god takes from us the best people sooner, and you were starting to think they were right. At least she felt no pain.

I lifted my head to watch the wall clock, in any minute from now everyone would arrive at John B's as always, you were not going, not like that, not after what happened.

Your house was flooded with your hard crying as picture frames flew all over the room, making it a glass broken disaster, everything you saw ended slammed onto either a wall or the floor.

You kept on punching the kitchen table and all on it fell, the mug from where you drank your coffee earlier that day shattered on the floor, the sound of it making you more anxious; your anger filled every inch of your body at the same time you let your madness leave it by kicking and hitting things. You decided you had enough of that when you saw the blood from your knuckles slide over your hands.

You let you body fall in a corner, knees up to your chest and hands pulling your hair, screaming the word 'fuck' again and again.

"Y/N? are you here baby?" JJ's voice echoed through the now silent spaces of your home as you tried to stop sobbing so he'll think no one was there, "i know you're here, your bike is right beside me and you would never walk on your own right now" you hadn't notice how dark it was outside, you had spent the whole day crying in that little corner.

you didn't answer to him, hoping he would go away eventually.

"i'm coming in k love?" you hid your face with your blood covered hands trying to avoid his glare. It was not the first time he had seen you cry, but it was never this way, you were the one who comforted him and that led you to cry too 'cause you couldn't stand seeing your boyfriend so broken.

"he- what the fuck Y/N?" he ran towards you and tried to make you look at him "your hands are covered in blood love, what happened?" still no answer from you, "come on baby look at me" he begged you but you just moved your head side to side indicating a no.

"go away JJ i can handle this on my own" you mouthed between multiple sobs.

"i'm not sure about that baby" he started petting your head. "god, why do you always think you have to do everything on your own?" JJ whispered but you heard him.

"'cause i have to, i'm supposed to" you answered, still not looking at your golden boy.

"no you don't" he softly said while hugging you close to his chest, "why don't you tell me what happened so we can figure this out together?" you kept denying with your head.

It felt as if the room was becoming smaller with every second and breath you took.

"baby i need you to look at me and explain what's happening" your lovely boyfriend tried to convince you to talk to him.

"no, i can't" tears soaking JJ's t-shirt.

"why Y/N? now you're worrying me even more than when you didn't go to John B's" he kissed your head.

"'cause if i do it means it's real, if i say it out loud it becomes real" you grabbed your arms around the blonde boy's back harder.

"take deep breaths come on" he broke your hug and hold you by your shoulders as he searched for your eyes, you did as he told you and started paying attention on your breathing, "you're doing amazing, go on" JJ cheered on you, "you've always been strong for me, let me return the favor".

"shes is dead" you said finally looking to his beautiful blue eyes, "my mom is dead" tears fell down your cheeks again and JJ's eyes filled with them two.

He was shocked with what you were saying, he hugged you again, pressing your head over his chest, right were his heart was, JJ didn't want to say anything, he couldn't say nothing due to the fear of making everything even worse. Your boyfriend couldn't get it either, your mum was the kindest woman after you and also really young.

"my uncle said it was sudden, while she was sleeping" he rubbed your back, "no pain", the sobs, not only from you but also JJ now, were louder with every word you said "i told her JJ, i fucking told her not to go" you screamed, "i knew it, i had a bad feeling about it but she didn't listen to me, she never did" you pulled out of JJ's arms .

"it's my fault, it has to be" you punched the floor again and again, the golden boy didn't know what to do, and he hated himself for that; you were always there for him and now that you're the one who's drowning he doesn't know how to take you back to the surface, "WHY HER?! WHY HER AND NOT ME YOU ASSHOLE!" you screamed at the ceiling as if it was the sky and god could actually hear you.

"no, no baby don't say that" JJ grabbed you face with both his hands making you focus on his features, you threw yourself back to his arms and he gentle received you again, "i love you Y/N, don't say that ever again".

"i could have stopped her baby" you cried on his chest.

"sshh, just listen to my heartbeat, ok?" for the second time since he had arrived you did what he told you to and focused on his heartbeat and remembered all those times when you were the one holding him the way he was doing now, all the times he had listened to you heart and how that was the only thing that calmed him down. And you were now finding out that, the only thing that could pacify you was JJ's heartbeat as well.

"you better now?" he asked while looking down at you, your eyes were closed, he rubbed his thumb on your on your rosy and swollen face from all the crying you did, he smiled when you nodded, "that's my girl" he placed a lock of your hair behind your left ear and kissed your head multiple times.

"come on, take a deep breath, it's gonna be alright, we will get through this together as we always do" you nodded again, "it's not going to be easy but i'll be with you in every step of the way, yeah?"

"yeah" you simply and fast answered.

"i'm gonna help you shower, we will have some food and go to sleep" JJ looked up to the ceiling, his chin on your head, and held you tighter, "tomorrow morning we are going to clean up everything, and go to my house so i can pick up some clothes and stuff" he looked back at you, "i'm staying here as long as you want me to".

"that sounds nice" you said and glanced at your amazingly beautiful, caring and favorite person.

"it does right!?" JJ smiled at you, excited at how well you had relaxed that were finally able to talk without sobbing for the first time since he had arrived.

You both followed JJ's plan.

He took you to the bathroom firefighter style, not letting go any second, then helped you get undressed.

He was making sure the water was extra hot because he knew you liked it that way and you just stared at him the whole time. JJ washed your hair, being extremely careful trying not to hurt you, after that he cleaned your body.

You got dressed with some sweatpants, a white t-shirt and JJ's hoodie,

He made you sit on your bed and started doing your night skin care on your face, following every step you told him was next. When he was done he kissed the tip of your nose and gave you a peck on your lips just to after heat some noodles you both ate while laying down in bed and watching a very interesting show from Animal Planet, a channel JJ and you loved a lot.

Your boyfriend really helped you keeping your mind off of what had happened for like two hours, but, as you were laying with his hands on your waist, making you the little spoon; the bad feelings came back. He was the most important thing in your life right now and you were afraid of something bad happening to him, a tear fell from your eyes and down your cheeks at the thought of it.

"JJ?" you called him, almost whispering just in case he was already asleep.

"mhm" he mouthed and shifted his head as you turned to face him, his hands never leaving your body.

"can you promise me something?" he placed his free hand on your face; sensing the wet spot on your cheeks and just nodded, "please never leave me" he looked deeply into your eyes while rubbing his thumb on your waist and hugged you being scared of you crying again.

"it's ok, i'm here, i'll always be here"

Finally, after a very tiring day you managed to fall asleep on the arms of JJ, the great big love of your life.