#And I feel like I'll disappoint you

[amethystina]

Hi hi, I was drooling all over the tags of Who holds the devil again and I remembered to ask if the kidnapping will refer to Ga On? Or if it's a big spoiler then maybe you could please tell if we'll see protective Yo Han because you write his feelings so well I just can't get enough or over it, you're so talented.

I wouldn't call it a big spoiler, exactly, since I think most people can (correctly) guess that it refers to Ga On xD I mean, what kind of BL fanfic would this be if it was someone else? Gotta check all those dramatic romance boxes!

That said, I will repeat what I've said before, which is that it won't happen anytime soon and, if I were you, there are other tags I would be more worried about. But that's just me ;)

As for Yo Han being protective, that will feature quite heavily as a part of another plot thread long before the kidnapping tag comes into play. And I do mean protective as in full-on Abyss — with all the violence and ruthlessness that entails. To be honest, one of the scenes I look forward to writing the most right now is the culmination of that whole plotline. Partly because writing Yo Han when he's like that is so much fun, but also because Ga On will do what Ga On does best.

That's to say: Place himself in front of Yo Han and be the immovable object to slow down the unstoppable force.

And it will be delicious.

Because with all that Ga On has learned about Yo Han at that point, he's going to realise that the best way to calm Yo Han's desire for vengeance — and remind him of his humanity — isn't to get preachy or aggressive and demand he stop. It's to go soft and vulnerable and needy and a little desperate and just say:

"Please come back to me."

... I think we ALL know Yo Han won't stand a fucking chance.

So you've got that to look forward to, I guess ;)

And thank you so much! I have a lot of fun with Yo Han's emotions, not going to lie. He's got a pretty unique way of both showing and dealing with them and it's particularly interesting to try and convey that from an outside POV (Ga On's in this case). Because even if Ga On is correct in his observation the majority of the time, there are still times when he misses certain details. He often gives Yo Han the benefit of the doubt when he maybe shouldn't, for example x'D

Like, there are times in this story when Yo Han may seem kind, caring, and vulnerable but, in reality, something COMPLETELY different is happening inside his head.

Chapter 39 was actually a good example of that, specifically when Yo Han was pressing his thumb against the scar on his palm. Ga On automatically assumed that had to mean Yo Han was in pain, but that's not it at all. Not even close. Pressing the scar (which was first established in The Gentle Light, which I wrote over a year ago now) has become Yo Han's way of curbing his less-than-moral impulses when it comes to how he approaches his and Ga On's relationship.

Yo Han wasn't pressing the scar because it hurt (though he does have flashes of psychosomatic pain, too) but because he needed to remind himself not to do what he ACTUALLY wanted. Which certainly wasn't to resign himself to being rejected and go: "Then I won't."

In that moment, Yo Han wanted to claim and possess — not surrender.

And it was a struggle for him to choose the path he knew Ga On wanted him to.

In short, both Yo Han's protectiveness and possessiveness are sometimes hidden in the small things he does, which might not always be apparent to Ga On or the reader. Remember that Ga On is an unreliable narrator and while he is astoundingly good at reading Yo Han sometimes, not even he sees all.

And that, on the whole, Yo Han is a lot more vicious and immoral than Ga On wants to admit. It may not be as apparent now that Yo Han is without a revenge quest and more focused on doting on his family, but it's by no means gone. Just dormant.

The Abyss will never fully stop abyssing.

(Yes, I am definitely making this fic and the characterisation unnecessarily complex with breadcrumbs sprinkled across stuff I've written literal years ago — thank you for asking)

[yashley]

"She's so charmin', y'know! She's just so--"

[turtlecleric]

You are doing your best to be better. To be honest to Leo about your feelings. Though to be quiet honest, trying to hide what you are feeling from Leo is about as difficult as it sounds. He just knows, he always just knows when something is up. And when necessary he will give you space, but tonight is not one of those nights.

he sits next to you on your bed his hand wrapped around yours offering a comforting squeeze as he just sits and listens. The window he climbed through to get into your room wide open. a cool breeze caressing you head to toe, ruffling your curtains. Calming you both as you try to find the words. The right words to let him know how you feel but not worry him at the same time.

“It’s never a feeling as deep as hatred” you finally manage. “ I just, really, really, don’t like myself sometimes. I am supposed to be more than what I currently am, I am supposed to be in a different place. I feel like I am constantly falling behind, unable to catch up. Like I’m drowning in myself. Like I’m constantly disappointing everyone.”

You don’t look at Leo as you speak. One part terrified of what you will see and another disappointed that’s he has to come comfort you at all. But then he takes you by your chin. Gently maneuvering it so you are facing him. You look at his mouth. Still too scared to look him in the eye. To nervous of what you will see.

“Mi preciosa . Please look at me.”

His voice is low and soft. More like a coo than anything. You can feel the affection in it, the care he has for you. You pinch your eyes closed a moment. Steeling yourself, before you slowly open them and look him in the eye. And it’s then it’s all laid bare. There is no pity, there is no resentment or sadness. He looks at you with deep understanding. Like one would the other half of their soul. Like he’s looking in a mirror. Like he can see you fully and clearly what you are. You feel naked and exposed and raw. His gaze exploring every piece of doubt you have ever harbored.

and then he kisses you. Deep and wanting. But a delicate thing all the same. You try to pull away but he holds you there. Entrancing you to continue. So you do. You stay there with him as he moves to kiss the corner of your mouth, to your neck. Sliding your shirt to the side so he can have access to your collarbone and shoulder. Peppering them with longing.

“Leo, what are you doing?” You whisper as a slow building heat begins to envelop you.

Leo looks up at you. His expression bare, no sign of his usual mask as he looks at you with a softness that makes you what to cry. “I love you.”

His honestly makes you laugh rather than cry. But a part of you breaks at the words. A part of you not ready to stop hiding you reinforce your walls. “I know Leo.”

Leo gently pushes forward his chin rubbing along your neck, in the familiar gesture of him senting you. Again he repeats. “I love you.”

A small sigh leaves you. “I-I know. Leo I know what you are trying to do. It won’t… I’m not.”

His hands fall to your sides both his thumb peaking under your shirt as he ducks his head low to the underside of your chin and kisses you where you’re soft. “I love you.” The words practically purring against you.

you feel yourself sputter. To find words to ground yourself to.

“I love you.” “Leo.”

“I love you”

you feel yourself start to break.

“I love you.” your voice becomes warped with emotion. As you give in to it. “ say it again.”

he complies as easily as breathing. “ I love you.”

“again.”

“I love you.”

you feel yourself begin to tremble. “Again.”

“I love you.”

He has you on your back now. Kissing away the tears streaking your face. You can’t stop crying. It feels so silly. And yet he repeats its again and again his voice steady with the same honestly and longing he’s had for you sense the beginning.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

His hands slide down you slowly, giving you enough time to regret him. You don’t. gently he unbuttons your pants. Slipping you out of them as he kisses your shoulder. Your shirt is next piece to be removed and so on and so on until you are completely bare in front of him. He looks at you with softness. With kindness. With a desire for you now more then ever to be soft with you. So you let him.

He bends down and kisses your tummy. His hands delicately caressing your sides as he dose. “ I love you here.”

He moves down further to the crook of your knee and kisses you there too. “I love you here too.”

your thighs your legs your feet. He kisses them all like he can’t get enough. Your shoulders your sides your breasts. His hands explore you in a reverence, that you swear should be reserved for gods alone. But he touches you in that delicate piety all the same. Like he can’t imagine a world where he isn’t touching you. Like your body is all he will ever need. Like you are the concept of life itself, he worships you fully.

finally he leans over to your ear and presses a kiss to your temple. His hands touching and pinching at your nipples as he dose. “ Will you let me take you Hermosa? Mi preciosa, Mi amor. Can I have you? Please can I have you.”

Deep heat unfurls in you as he begs for you, over and over. With a Desperation, like he hasn’t been the one rendering you to stardust by his caresses. He begs for you, like you have been the one leading him to worship this whole time. Like you had been the one to entrance him. you wrap your arms around his neck and sigh as his hands dip lower. Ghosting his fingers on your hips.

“Take me.” You mumble into his shoulder.

and he all but devours you. His mouth is in your pulse and the quick dull pain of teeth meet you on your throat. As one of his hands explores your seam and folds like he’s doing it for the first time. Worshiping your cunt with his hand. meanwhile his moth babbles on and on.

“Mi preciosa, my Hermosa, mi princesa, me amore. I love you.”

He curls one of his fingers inside you and you arch your back into him. He presses his face to your chest, scenting you and he works you open. His mouth continuing to babble “ fuck I love you, I love you. I need you, I need you. I need you. I want you, every second of every day I want you. I want my cock in you. I want to hang off of you. I want to live inside your skin I can’t get enough of you. If I could I would live the rest of my life buried inside of you. Fucking and filling you until we both are unable to tell where we are. I need you, I love you. I want to worship you.”

He presses another finger into you and your fingers curl and bite into his shoulder. He dosent need anymore to start pumping them inside you. Taking them out only to spread your slick up to your clit before pressing his palm to it. You kick your head back like you’re seeing stars.

“Don’t make me come. Don’t make me come. Get me to the edge and then stop.” You beg as he pulls the pleasure out of you. “ I wanna come with you in me. Please please please.”

He nods taking hold of one of your hands and leading it down to where he’s wet and wanting. You press your fingers into him and he moans loud and wounded. His eyes fluttering closed as he bites into your shoulder once more. The both of you fucking onto each others hands. Leo biting you harder when you feel your climax coming sooner the. You would like. Letting out a sob when he removes his hand. kissing your cheeks apologetically. His voice almost as wounded as yours as he speaks. “ you said you wanted to come on my cock remember, forgive me. Mi preciosa, not yet not yet.”

you fuck your fingers into him harder as pay back. Technically yes he’s doing what you wanted but still, the infuriation of you being denied your pleasure when you are all but begging for him makes you want to be a little mean. Not that Leo is in anyway complaining. He rolls the both of you so you’re in top of him. Giving you a better angle to finger fuck him. He’s close. You can tell with the way he quivers against your hand. His cock head kiss your fingers from where they are pressed deep inside him. He holds your hips like he dose when you ride him. God you want to ride him stupid.

“come on baby, drop for me. Drop for me. I know you want it. I know you need it. You can do it. You are being so good for me. Such a good boy.” He makes a wounded noise at your praise before dropping. Your hand taking hold of him as you lean down and kiss his cock pressing it to your cheek. Leo moans at the sight.

“Fuck me, Hermosa, please, please, fuck me.” He begs as you press on more kiss to him before sheathing him inside. The way he stretches you out will never feel out of place. You love how his cock feels like it was made for you to take. And with the way Leo’s eyes roll to the back of his head every time you allow him the honer to press inside. You feel like he agrees.

still a bit miffed that you were denied your orgasm you start to ride him almost immediately. Not giving either of you time to adjust. Leo’s hands pressing into you in a way that you know will leave pretty bruises behind. More reminders that he wants and claims you as his.

“Hermosa, hermosa, hermosa.” Hé keens out his mouth open and continuing to babble on. “I’m gonna come amore, I’m gonna come slow down. I’m gonna come.” You barel passed his pleas for you to slow down. You are too focused on your own pleasure to care, you fuck him through his orgasm. Hot threads filling you and dripping on to his cloaca and cock as you continue to fuck him. Making him immediately hard again. He teeters on the edge broken hiccuping sobs leaving him as he looks up at you with complete adoration for what you are doing to him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He repeats. “I’m gonna come again, I’m gonna come again forgive me, forgive me.”

“come for me baby. Make me proud come for me again.” You say nuzzling into his neck. He dose. More hot threads of come fill you up right as you hit your own climax. Clenching around him taking everything. God you want his baby’s. God you want it to stick. You clench around him again at the thought and he praises you through it.

“good job Hermosa. That’s it, come on me, that’s it’s thank you, fuck thank you. You feel so good. So good. Good job.”

you both breath there for a moment. The two of you spent. Leo leans up and kisses you. Passionate and fiercely. Like he has ent already shown how much adoration he has for you already.

“Again?” You whimper against him when he dares to part his mouth from yours.

“I love you, mi amor”

(-stranger)

Oh my g od

[sprucewoodmpreg]

watcher lore dislikers are reported to be mildly scared and afraid during this season of life series

[felizusnavidad]

ok, so now that my hamilton series is over i am officially taking a little break from tumblr. i've been feeling so emotionally drained for a while now & i know i have to take care of myself because i am in a really bad place at the moment... so let's just call it intermission.

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

[sunshades]

One thing about canto VI is like. I see so many people predicting it'll be about Fighting Evil Wife or Breaking Codependent Toxic Relationship and I just kinda think that would suck? If the major theme isn't grief AND love and the way both are seen as like Kinda Weird/inappropriate in the setting of the city. Then I'll be very sad.

[xluxsolarisx]

are these the "grammys" or whatever i don't listen to music

[amlovelies]

some lightly critical twc thoughts/musing under the cut

had a conversation with a friend trying to figure out why I was feeling disappointed and frustrated with book 3, and I think I've figured it out. it reminds me of the dialogue choices in dai, like so many of the choices don't really feel like choices and don't really seem to change anything or go anywhere, and there are so many started conversations/incidents that we don't get any real follow through on, they happen in the scene and then we just move on and it isn't always reflected in the next scene or conversation, and just yeah it remind me of dai

[lucent-nargacuga]

looks around awkwardly

I know I loathe valentine's day with every fibre of my being, but,,,

read the tags of the original post for context, but only if you're prepared for a shit ton of awkward embarrassment

[arrietty-rune]

Sometimes i feel useless and annoying

[wr0ngwarp]

music box

[creaturefeaster]

Sorry I’m gonna reference a rlly old post here, but what’s going on in the I created a monster Ching animation. Is that Debbie in it?

Sharing the video referenced for those who don't know about it.

Anyway yeah that's Debbie, though the framing is kind of bluh, I'd like to go back and redo that some time. I'd also like to go back and edit the outdoors parts, because the landscape in the bg is not accurate to where he's supposed to be.

Debbie is not wearing her horns or her iconic dragon hoodie because she is meant to be asleep, awoken by a looming host Ching who has a habit of hanging around while people sleep, and generally being a silent observer in many situations. Debbie is, naturally, creeped out by this. But, she'd need to rationalize it because: mimes are weird, they don't always get the social etiquette & normalities of the living.

Ching turns off the light and leaves her to sleep, and walks away, catches himself in the mirror, and briefly remarks on the host that he wears. He, as stated before, loves his host. So whatever is going through his mind in that moment, he's clearly enjoying it.

In the latter half, he is resting against the wall of a house outside. Because his host is a plant person, his energy diminishes easily in the night, so he rests outside in wait for the sun to bring him energy and wake him up. Or, he could have been up to non-host related things in the night, idk. That's not really relevant to the animation though.

Really the whole animation is just him being a weird little creep. Host Ching is like that. Sometimes he's really silly and goofy, sometimes he's a bit uptight and punctual, sometimes he's a lot more quiet, slow, brooding. The shifts in personality just come from the conflict between his true self and the host.

[emp-blast]

^me sneaking my way into blizzard hq to steal sigma from them

[osoreruna]

do...y'all get overwhelmed when you open your inbox and see like...10 asks all from me —

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....