#And I know that the lord dump was for new viewer reasons

[lonely-space-ace]

ok but imagine being Yaz and you fall in love with the Doctor but it doesn’t work out bc the Doctor cant stay anywhere for too long and also won’t talk about her feelings to save her life

and then the next regeneration of that person settles down to live with another family for years, in the same city as you, less than a day after you said goodbye forever

and then the NEXT regeneration after that talks about his feelings CONSTANTLY. Gives all the info on Gallifrey and their parents and the time lords and all of it DAY ONE.

I would go insane

[aipilosse]

I thought it would be fun to try to guess what the focus of the LOTR Prime show will be now that we have an actual summary. I’m going to cheat a little because I’m going to put forward two potential plots, but I’m leaning more towards one over the other. Here’s the summary from onering.net:

Amazon Studios’ forthcoming series brings to screens for the very first time the heroic legends of the fabled Second Age of Middle-earth’s history. This epic drama is set thousands of years before the events of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, and will take viewers back to an era in which great powers were forged, kingdoms rose to glory and fell to ruin, unlikely heroes were tested, hope hung by the finest of threads, and the greatest villain that ever flowed from Tolkien’s pen threatened to cover all the world in darkness. Beginning in a time of relative peace, the series follows an ensemble cast of characters, both familiar and new, as they confront the long-feared re-emergence of evil to Middle-earth. From the darkest depths of the Misty Mountains, to the majestic forests of the elf-capital of Lindon, to the breathtaking island kingdom of Númenor, to the furthest reaches of the map, these kingdoms and characters will carve out legacies that live on long after they are gone.

The choice I’m leaning towards is the “Forging of the Rings” plot, but my second choice is “Downfall of Numenor + Last Alliance.” I have seen people suppose that they will do both, but I think that is unlikely.

First of all, there is almost 2,000 years between the forging of the One Ring and the fall of Numenor. Now, apparently they are planning on five seasons so they could do both, with initial seasons focused on the “Forging” plot, and the later on the “Downfall,” but there are a few reasons not to do that. The first is that that would make the overall timeline and who’s who more confusing to the casual viewer. This TV show is going to cost literal billions to make—they want more than us nerds on hooked on it! If they do both, they are going to have to do long expository info dumps between seasons, we’ll have to meet multiple Kings of Numenor (Imagine explaining multiple Kings of Numenor thousands of years apart to your mom), and the list of characters that could serve as a through line is limited to immortal beings. In addition to the confusion that this could bring non-Tolkien geek audience members, it also would be an entirely new concept for TV. We’ve had successful TV shows span many years, but never millennia. With all that money on the line, I don’t think they’re going to try the hybrid mini-series approach that showing both “Forging” and “Downfall” would require.

“But Aipi,” you say. “Couldn’t they just ignore the 2,000 years in between the big events? Couldn’t they re-write it so that Ar-Pharazon is the Numenoreon King who saves the day in the War of Sauron and the Elves and then bam! We’re in the downfall of Numenor plot?” That actually sounds like a very interesting story with a lot of potential but! For better or for worse, Amazon LOTR is bound to follow what Tolkien wrote in the Lord of the Rings, so I think a change that big is out.

So! Now on to the likely “Forging” plot. I envision this plot as centered around two Numenorean and Lindon protagonists. Both are involved in the political spheres of Tar-Minastir and Gil-Galad. At first we think that this will be a political intrigue drama with a Numenorean vs Elves kinda thing going. We’ll be introduced to Galadriel and Celebrimbor in Eregion, but this seems like almost a side plot. Galadriel’s trying to alert Gil-Galad to Something Bad Happening, but the people in court don’t treat it like a big deal. Pretty soon though (no more than 3 episodes in) we get the Betrayal and the forging of the One! Now war is on the horizon. Galadriel goes to Khazad Dum. The interaction between Numenoreons and elves becomes more serious as they try to decide what to do with the sudden reveal of Sauron. Celebrimbor, who is not a central character, but who we do learn about and become sympathetic towards, dies, and provides the shocking twist death for those unfamiliar with Appendix B. This is the end of Season One. Season Two is all about WAR.

I think this plot is more likely for a few reasons. The first is the list of locations. I find it really hard to see how the Misty Mountains come into play in the “Downfall” plot, but they’re right there in the “Forging” plot. The mystery here is that I would expect Eregion or Ost-in-Edhil mentioned in the summary for the “Forging” plot—Lindon is no more well known than those two location names. There are a couple of workarounds to that. The first is that this “leak” is 100% controlled and they are still playing close to the chest with the plot—Ost-in-Edhil is a dead giveaway that we’re focused on the “Forging” plot since it’s destroyed by the time of the Akallabeth. The second is just that accessibility point—the purpose of listing Lindon is to get you [person who likes fantasy shows but didn’t bother to read Appendix B of LOTR] hyped about elves. If you’re already hyped about elves there’s no reason to list another location full of elves.

The second reason I like the “Forging” plot is because of what Amazon LOTR has rights to. Namely, they have LOTR rights, and not Silm & Unfinished Tales rights. There’s a lot of great cinematic stuff in the Akallabeth! But, as I understand it, they can’t use it. That’s a pretty good reason not to dive into the “Downfall” plot.

The “Downfall” plot is still possible. One thing that makes it tricky is the wording “They confront the long-feared re-emergence of evil to Middle-earth.” Looking at our Source—Appendix B—it sure seems like Sauron’s re-emergence was visible since Second Age 2251: “About this time the Nazgul or Ringwraithgs, slaves of the Nine Rings, first appear.” Of course, that’s all it said. They could portray Ar-Pharazon as believing they were in a time of peace, and then becoming aware of Sauron. In this case the plot has Ar-Pharazon becoming aware of the threat of Sauron, we’re all hyped for a battle, and then Sauron gives himself up. Then we follow the seduction of Numenor to it’s fall, and then to the Last Alliance. I think the challenging part here is that I don’t see Numenor’s fall as happening until Season 2, which means that important people like Gil-Galad, Elrond, and Galadriel aren’t relevant for almost three seasons, while we know that Elrond and Galadriel are cast already. They have filmed two seasons at this point, so it’s possible they are introduced towards the end of season two, but this still requires a plot where more and more players are revealed, which potentially becomes confusing to the non-geeks. I also don’t see where Khazad Dum comes in here. They could always add a Dwarven sub-plot, but it’s definitely more difficult. 

Anyway, that’s my two cents! I wanted to get this down for posterity to see how close I get to the actual plot.

[dalekofchaos]

TROS A Dark and Grim Farewell to the Skywalker Saga: Or, why Palpatine is the ultimate winner of the Star Wars Saga

From the fan theories reddit

TL;DR Palpatine doesn’t die but actually achieves his goal in The Rise of Skywalker, possessing Rey and resetting the board back to its prequel era condition with him quietly operating as a smiling “good” figure to hide his actual dark deeds.

The Rise of Skywalker ends with a victorious Rey Palpatine (alias Rey Skywalker) burying the lightsabers of both Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa on the ruined Lars homestead on Tattoine, symbolizing to the viewer the end of an era. Since Luke’s saber once belonged to Anakin we can extend the symbolism to include Anakin’s era as well. In all, Rey buries over 60 years of galactic and Jedi history in the wastelands of an Outer Rim backwater. A planet, which, by the way, bred a tremendous amount of suffering for beloved characters.

Anakin Skywalker: Raised as a slave on Tattoine until liberated by the Jedi but forced to leave his mother behind to be trained as a celibate monk. Returns a decade later only to learn that in his absence, his mother was sold, freed, married, abducted, and horrifically abused. She dies in his arms. He goes on to slaughter an entire village of Tusken Raiders (and not just the men, but the women and the children too!)

Luke Skywalker: Raised on Tattoine by Owen and Beru Lars as a moisture farmer; a hard life seriously lacking in excitement for young Luke. Luke is raised with barely the bare minimum of information about his father (not that Owen and Beru knew all that much anyway) and even the asking of questions on the subject seems to be taboo (see Owen’s line in ANH “I told you to forget it”). Returns to the Lars home one day to find his aunt and uncle savagely murdered by the Empire. Returns years later having to rescue his friends from literal slavery.

Leia Organa: Goes to Tattoine to rescue her lover from captivity only to be enslaved herself and made to wear a humiliating outfit while kept on a collar and leash by an obese alien slug. In context, that is humiliating for anyone, let alone a princess and military leader.

Point being, Tattoine, highly symbolic though it is, doesn’t hold great memories for the people whose sabers and legacy Rey is literally burying in the sand. Call me crazy but I feel like the choice of such a location for the final legacy of some of the most important figures in the history of the galaxy to be a tad insulting. After all, Luke and Leia were pillars of the Light; perhaps Anakin not so much but before he fell the man was extraordinarily selfless. And his final act was a return to his selfless “true self” (see Luke’s remark in ROTJ).

Sarcastic though he may have initially been, how was Tattoine once described by Luke?

“Well, if there’s a bright center in the universe you’re on the planet that it’s farthest from.“

So Tattoine is not a bright world. In fact, it’s fairly grim. One might even say dark.

People there have to eek out a living under oppressive, dangerous conditions. There are wild raiders, scorching heat, slavery, and space ports described by a man who has literally traveled the length and breadth of the galaxy as follows:

“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.“

Really, Obi Wan? Never? Not even in a Zyggerian slave mine where you yourself suffered as a slave for a short time? Tattoine must be pretty rough indeed.

In The Phantom Menace, Qui Gon Jinn says that Tattoine is “controlled by the Hutts.” Hutts. Plural. In the same film, Anakin says that he and his mother were sold to Watto by Gardula the Hutt, again telling us that more than one Hutt runs the show on Tattoine. So Hutt control of this dark, seedy backwater world didn’t end simply because Jabba the Hutt was assassinated. Again, in the same film, Qui Gon threatens Watto by asking:

“Perhaps you’d like to take this up with the Hutts? I’m sure they can settle this.“

Even a Jedi Master acknowledges that the Hutts are THE AUTHORITY on this planet. Imagine a world so dark and grim that the central authority are a bunch of slave owning (and abusing, I might add), drug smuggling, murdering crime lords who keep victims frozen in carbonite as wall decorations and feed their slaves and enemies to vicious beasts. Whose value of sentient life is so small that they callously bet slaves on the outcome of podraces. THIS is the world Rey buries the legacies of the Skywalker’s on.

All while calling herself a Skywalker.

She could have gone to Coruscant and the site of the old Jedi temple. She could have gone to Naboo, where Padme wanted to raise her children to begin with. She could have gone to Ach-to and the site of the original Jedi temple. But no, she chose Tattoine.

Granted, Rey may not know the importance of Naboo in the Skywalker history, but I know someone who does. Someone who has a personal, as well as philosophical vendetta against the Skywalkers and what they stand for. Someone who we know is capable of cheating death. Someone who has more than once tried to bait Jedi into striking him down....

In Return of the Jedi, Emperor Palpatine goads Luke into attacking him:

“Use it (Luke’s lightsaber). I am unarmed.” “Take your Jedi weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred, and your journey toward the Dark Side will be complete!”

We learn in The Rise of Skywalker that there is a Sith ritual whereby masters can in some sense apparently possess their murderer when their apprentice kills them:

“That is what I want. Kill me... and my spirit will pass into you. As all the Sith live in me... you will be Empress... we will be one.“

This adds new context to Palpatine trying to goad Luke into “killing” him decades earlier. Palpatine is looking for a new host body. In TROS Palpatine’s body is ruined. He is essentially a living corpse. In ROTJ he walks with a noticeable limp requiring the use of a cane; something he didn’t require in the prequels. Age is taking its toll on the Sith Lord and a younger, fresher body would be lovely.

And what does Rey conveniently do for him? She kills him.

Now granted, we don’t know the details of this ritual. Is it one of Palpatine’s own invention? Is it an ancient Sith technique? Is the use of a lightsaber always required for the ritual to work? It’s unclear. Technically, Palpatine’s own lightning destroyed his body. But he clearly asked for Rey to “kill” him. And Rey obliged. She did what he wanted her to do.

We know Palpatine can survive seemingly fatal destruction of his body; after all, he blew up in Return of the Jedi. And he blew up here as well. Why, exactly, can’t he come back from that? The film gives us no real explanation as to why this isn’t possible.

What it does tell us is that Palpatine wanted his granddaughter to kill him so that he could live on in her. This is what she does. Rey Palpatine then goes on to bury the legacy of Palpatine’s hated enemies, of the Jedi themselves, on a dark, oppressive, corrupt world devoid of any light for a single Skywalker family member. She buries the Jedi weapons and heirlooms in an unmarked “grave” on the grounds of a mundane ruin where both Anakin and Luke experienced heartbreak.

And lest we forget, when it’s all said and done, the Skywalker bloodline has been extinguished while the Palpatine bloodline lives on. Despite what the movie tries to tell us, the implication of all this is rather dark. I believe there’s enough evidence to assert that Palpatine ultimately won. He got the outcome he asked for. There’s no reason stated in the film to suspect that he can’t come back again or that somehow Rey is immune to his possession.

She may smile and look innocent and cute in the final scenes, but Palpatine is a master manipulator. He played the part of the smiling, kindly, grandfatherly senator/chancellor for decades. Now that he’s finally got that new body he’s been craving, what better way to stick it to his old enemies than by singling out the darkest, most oppressive place the Skywalkers knew, and dumping their legacy in the sand as his granddaughter masquerades as an adoptive Skywalker: The Phantom Menace.

[softcoregamer]

DRAGON QUEST XI S: ECHOES OF AN ELUSIVE AGE - DEFINITIVE EDITION

I've never played a Dragon Quest game before, so all I had to go on with this game was the pretty looking graphics and charming character art by the Dragonball guy, which- combined with having a hankering for a JRPG, a genre I haven't played since probably the Digital Devil Saga games (minus an abandoned most-of-the-way-done playthrough of SMT3 and a partial of one of the Megadimension Neptunias) was enough to sell me on it. I'm having a tough time determining if it was worth it.

(spoilers)

The story starts off very weak. Your glowing hand marks you as the chosen one, you have to collect glowing orbs to defeat the dark lord. It's like the story of a generic videogame you'd see in the background of a movie. They do throw in a little novelty to keep you on your toes- you present yourself to the king and he throws you in the dungeon, you go back to your hometown and travel back in time for some reason- but I really never warmed to the setting. It's just a collection of cliches and cute gimmicks, like the town of people who speak in haikus, the town of people who speak in rhyming couplets (you're stuck with these people for the bulk of the exposition at the start of act 2, which is a nightmare) and the town of- ugh- Italians. There's no sense of these places being places. It's just a nice pleasant fairytale kingdom of the kind that's normally mentioned in Snow White or whatever as the place the handsome prince comes from, except here you spend dozens of hours trudging through it looking for glowing tree roots and orbs. The big problem in Gallopolis is that the sultan's son isn't brave enough for god's sake. Acts 2 and 3 pick things up, and there's some neat reveals- I like that the lil red star you've been seeing in the sky right from the start was the stain of the original hero's failure to slay the villain, literally hanging over the entire setting all this time. Also the annoying act 1 scene where you get handed the name of the villain and an orb quest in an exposition dump is retroactively improved by the fact that the exposition isn't quite correct. Act 3 reintroducing time travel and actually being thoughtful about it was welcome as well, but sadly that has the effect of making you redo story points you already did since, logically, you're back in time to where you haven't done them yet. Sometimes this comes across as getting a do-over to get a more positive outcome for something that previously ended more tragically, in keeping with the way time travel is explained in-universe as essentially reloading an earlier save (and, as revealed in the end, continuing in a separate save slot). The 8th party member's act 3 quest is a standout here. In reading discussion of the game I've seen people insist on referring to this character as 8, presumably to preserve the plot twist of his existence, so I guess I'll do it too. But more often than not, act 3 quests consist of just doing the same stuff as act 2 again, in a somewhat more curt manner. This sticks in the craw after so much of act 2 already consisted of just doing the same stuff as act 1 again. The party members aren't much better, for the most part. The first three people you meet all say "ah, you're the Luminary, I was sent to help you" and there isn't much to them beyond that for a long time. Sylvando has a lot of personality, which is probably partly why he's become the game's big meme character, but it gets grating and he is insanely trite. The Dark Lord takes over the world and purges the unclean, and Sylvando's overriding concern is that he wants people to laugh and smile more. It's like he takes advantage of the fact that I need him for his boat to get my goat by acting like a fucking teletubby. Things pick way up when you meet Rab, and the 8th party member is genuinely really good. Even the early-game party members end up having their moments (Erik's backstory was pretty fun) but the game really doesn't put its best foot forward with these characters. Not that it needs to; for the first few I was just glad to be getting some help in combat. The combat is excellent in this game, when it gets going. I played with the "draconian quest" tougher enemies mode on, and I turned it off right at the act 2 end boss. The difficulty curve flowed really well this way, with act 3 enemies not feeling noticeably less tough than "draconian" act 2 enemies. The abilities and spells you get are carefully balanced so that it's very difficult to put together a perfect 4-person party, you're always missing something. This means the fact that you can change your line-up midfight isn't just a nice quality of life feature, it's a potentially vital mechanic. They tread a fine line where sometimes needing to swap people out during the battle doesn't mean the characters themselves feel useless; everyone is capable of some extremely tough stuff. And on the other end of the scale, enemy damage is heavy enough that buffing your attack and using big-damage abilities vs healing or defending can be a properly difficult choice; a heavy hit or a big heal at the right time can turn the tide of an entire battle, as can your big hitter suddenly getting put to sleep or your healer getting knocked out. Again, this is all with the caveat that I had "draconian quest" on for the first 2/3 of the game, from what I've heard combat without it is insanely easy. My big gripe with the combat is that there's very little in the way of tooltips. What's this enemy's magic resistance? Does my Sap have a better chance of landing if I up my Magical Might, or does that just increase spell damage? Does Oomphle affect Quadraslash? If I increase my agility will it go up by enough that I can take my turn ahead of these enemies? Does agility even do that? Does using abilities and spells mean I go later in the turn order vs generic attacks and defending? You just have to guess at all this; the wiki has some info on enemy stats but I don't know where they're getting it from other than datamining. There's an entire bestiary with almost no useful information which is functionally just a model viewer for all 700+ enemies. The only way to know anything is to experiment, which I guess at least adds some purpose to combat when you've filled out the bestiary for an area but still have to grid encounters- which will be required at some point, because fighting is the only way you get xp and money. There is also too much RNG. Critical hits being rare and certain attacks having a chance to cause Confusion or whatever is fine (although I'd prefer for attacks which are labelled as having a chance to inflict status effects to actually inflict the status effect way more often than they do) but why the fuck does the resurrection spell have a 50% success rate? Under what possible circumstances would I be using that spell other than needing my dead teammate back right now? Same for all the abilities on the skill tree that say "doesn't connect very often, but when it does it can cause a critical hit" OK that "CAN" is telling me that this ability which doesn't often connect won't even necessarily crit if it does. Why would I choose this ability? To handicap myself? How is this going to help me defeat the Timewyrm? All that said, when the combat is good it's really good, and whenever I lose a fight I'm thinking "I can win that next time if I do XYZ". The 2D battles are much less fun because the pace is much slower and there are no cute animations to liven it up, but it's always satisfying when the "flash" of an enemy taking damage becomes the "flash" of them disappearing, and you know you have slayed yet another blob. Non-combat gameplay is a mixed bag. The early-game fun of running around looking for new enemies to fight and fill out the bestiary wears off hard once act 2 begins and everything is either a reskin or a glowing-eyes "vicious" version of something you've already fought, and many maps are fairly sparse with just the odd treasure chest and locked door to liven up your path to the next area. That said, there are also several areas and dungeons which make a minigame out of traversing them; the Eerie Eyrie and the Battleground were standouts for me. Especially the remixed version of Eerie Eyrie you go to later on, where you get a flying mount to ride around. Crafting is surprisingly involved, with a whole minigame around it and hundreds of recipes to find all over the place. In most cases you can just use money in lieu of ingredients, which means minimal farming is required to get a lot out of the system, and the recipes with ingredients that can't be bought feel special instead of bullshit. In terms of items and recipes there really is a deluge of content- there are recipe books all over the place, with new ones available even in the last couple of maps that open up in the entire game, and there's an undeniable cookie-clicker rush you get from getting better at crafting and taking something you could barely get to +1 all the way to +3. I play games like this as a magpie, accumulating items with nice pictures and effects that make me do a 😲 face, and DQ11 certainly delivers. This even extends to character advancement, with Hidden Goodies incentivizing picking skills you might not want otherwise, and entire new skill trees opening up as quest rewards.

Overall, DQ11 is a good combat system with loot and progression systems that are well-executed enough to feel rewarding after 100 hours, all wrapped up in a style and tone that is not up my alley at all. A good litmus test for how much you'd like the game is probably: watch this scene and if you think it's the most epic thing you've ever seen then Dragon Quest 11 is for you.

[ahouseoflies]

The Best Films of 2018, Part III

Parts I and II are here and here.

GOOD MOVIES

70. Mid90s (Jonah Hill)- I usually applaud filmmakers for letting visuals tell the story instead of spelling everything out, but Mid90s needs to spell some more stuff out, especially at the truncated end. His brother brought him an orange juice, so all of the abuse is forgotten? I need a bit more there.

I was always going to be in the tank for this though, having been the same age as the protagonist at the time, owning some of the same shirts as him and hanging some of the same posters on my wall. Despite the "My First Screenplay" beef I had up top, each supporting character gets something to do. Hill shows promise as a director (and the fingerprints of his influences) by being able to shift between poles of emotions in a matter of seconds.

69. McQueen (Ian Bonhote)- Although it waits too long to get into McQueen's depression, this documentary does an adequate job of showing the ups and downs of his life. It was great seeing things I've only read about, like the Voss show.

Here's the thing though: I'm not a genius, but if I were, I would hope that my closest friends and advisers would be able to articulate what made me great. A little less "We were working sixteen-hour days." A little more "He changed art forever."

68. Beautiful Boy (Felix Van Groeningen)- For better and worse, this portrait of a parent's worst nightmare is unrelenting. Surprisingly, the toughest moment is when Nic is fierce with pride, clean for fourteen months. Because when you pause and see that there's an hour left in the movie, you shudder at how low he might end up going.

Van Groeningen's sort of french braid of past and present hasn't changed for his English-language debut, but things worked best for me when he locked in on Timothee Chalamet's mannered but touching performance. I wish the movie had a proper ending.

67. The Kindergarten Teacher (Sara Colangelo)- This takes a little while to get sick and twisted, but I liked it once it did. Part of why it works is Gyllenhaal's commitment to the role. As dark as the character gets--and the film does seem hell-bent on establishing her as a failure when I'm not sure that's true--Gyllenhaal never judges her. It's probably her best performance since SherryBaby.

As for Gael Garcia Bernal, who plays a poetry professor who kisses people and then apologizes and says that he misread the moment and acts all bashful, are we sure about him? Are we sure he's good at acting?

66. The Spy Who Dumped Me (Susanna Fogel)- The spywork of the last half-hour is way too convoluted, but the comedy is fast and loose in service of a sweet female friendship. We're at the stage with the genius of Kate McKinnon in which I just assume that she came up with anything funny on the spot. For example, there's an off-hand joke that her character went to camp with Edward Snowden and was surprised that the news didn't mention how "into ska" he was. It's so bizarre that it had to be improv. Later, when Edward Snowden shows up as a character, I had to admit that the movie was tightly written. But I assumed it was McKinnon first. 65. Ready Player One (Steven Spielberg)- Halfway through Ready Player One, there's a sequence that takes place inside The Overlook Hotel of The Shining. The characters are walking through a photorealistic recreation of that setting, down to the smallest details, but it has been repurposed with different angles for this film. Not only have I literally never seen something like this in a movie, but I never imagined the possibility of such a thing existing. And somehow...it's corny and derivative.

So goes Ready Player One. It takes the simple pleasures of a Chosen One narrative with a killer villain, loads every corner of the frame with Ryu or Beetlejuice or a Goldie Wilson campaign poster, and punishes you with maximalism. Each piece reliably contributes to the whole, sometimes in thrilling and amusing fashion, but no matter when you check your watch, forty-five minutes are left.

When imdb came out, Steven Spielberg was one of the first people I looked up. What shocked me was how many projects I attributed to his direction when he had only produced them. In my kid brain, Spielberg had directed Gremlins or Goonies or An American Tail. They had his imprimatur of whimsy and wonder and childhood identification even if they were, you know, a bit more conventional and less purposeful than the movies he directed. Well, not since Tintin has there been a Steven Spielberg-directed film that feels more Spielberg-produced.

My favorite reference was the Battletoads. Or more accurately, imagining the seventy-two-year-old filmmaker going, "Oh, you know I gotta get the 'Toads up in this bih!"

64. Ben Is Back (Peter Hedges)- Despite a little bit of note-card screenwriting--"Get a line about how insurance doesn't care about drug addiction in there!"--The first two-thirds take their time revealing information to the viewer, dropping bread crumbs of the family history quite gracefully. Roberts and Hedges play off each other well, and their charisma powers the first half. She, of course, has an ample bag of Movie Star tricks, but, surprisingly, he already does too. You can see, in the confrontation at the mall, for example, how the mother's dissembling and conniving would pass down to him.

So it's a real bummer when the final third decides to separate the leads and rushes to a baffling conclusion. It falls apart like few movies in recent memory.

63. Avengers: Infinity War (Anthony Russo, Joe Russo)- Whatever. I admire the skill that it must have taken to balance the revolving wheel of characters--even if it does feel like check-ins half the time. The movie is exhausting in a bad way until it's exhausting in a good way. More importantly, here are my power rankings. (Their power in my own heart. Thanos is obviously the most powerful.)

1. Rocket 2. Hawkeye (Renner Season even when it isn't.) 3. The Collector 4. Black Panther 5. Thanos 6. Iron Man 7. Ned 8. Nick Fury 9. Star Lord 10. Thor (His scene with Rocket is the best one in the film.) 11. Gamora 12. Hulk (Your boy is so earnest in this. "They KNEW!") 13. Spider-Man 14. Wong 15. Okoye 16. Doctor Strange (Way cooler in this than his own movie.) 17. Captain America (His hair was beautiful.) 18. Drax 19. Pepper Potts 20. Falcon 21. Groot 22. Black Widow 23. Winter Soldier 24. Loki (Is he alive? Was he alive before this? Can he impersonate people or whatever even if he's dead? What's his deal?) 25. Scarlet Witch (Her first line is, getting out of bed, "Vis, is it the stone again?") 26. Gamora's Sister (No, you look it up.) 27. War Machine (Do you think Cheadle forgets that he's in these? Like, he misses a day of shooting just because he forgot?) 28. Vision 29. Whatever Peter Dinklage Was

62. The Old Man & the Gun (David Lowery)- Sissy Spacek's character explains, on a tour of her house, that she pulled up some wallpaper and found a signature from 1881 underneath, which is so unique that--ugly as it is--she couldn't bear to cover it. The movie is sort of about that. Does a way of life from a long time ago matter now?

Does it matter how you present yourself? How much does intention cancel out action?

The questions play themselves out in a way that is formally interesting--Lowery swish-pans and advances the scenes in a way that he hasn't since Ain't Them Bodies Saints--but informally pretty dull. Redford is engaging as possible, but I feel like I maxed out on my concern for a person who refuses to change.

I've had the Sean Penn "on one" scale for a long time, but I'm introducing the "off one" scale for Casey Affleck, who is so purposefully muted that he seems like he's going to pass out in some scenes. Keep doing you, Case. As far as acting goes.

61. Disobedience (Sebastian Lelio)- I admired how little the film spelled out about the setting and the characters' pasts. The beginning is cautious without being slow, and the women seem drawn to each other with a sort of magnetism that is difficult to pull off. While the triangle of people at the center is realistic and fair, the picture is ultimately a bit staid. I don't want melodrama out of the story either, but I do think it would work better if the characters were more passionate about anything, even the religion that makes them lack passion. 60. Crazy Rich Asians (Jon M. Chu)- This movie is sweet, and it nails the rom-com fulcrum scenes that it has to. Hear me out though: Both of the leads are winning, and Henry Golding's charm keeps us from acknowledging that his character is a psycho. Here is a list of things that, over the course of a year, he does not bother to tell his girlfriend:

a. That his family is the wealthiest in Singapore. Or wealthy at all. But more notably, he tells Rachel no details at all about his family, such as his brothers' and sisters' names. b. That he skipped an important trip home a few months ago, which caused a rift in his family. c. How to pack or dress for their trip to visit his family. d. That his mother did not want them sleeping together at her house, not that he "wants her all to himself." e. That his family wants him to take over their business, which would necessitate a permanent move to Singapore. f. That he went out with one of the women attending the bachelorette party, and that this woman has very good reason to sabotage Rachel and Nick's current relationship. g. That the wedding they're attending is also a super-rich affair that will be covered by international media. h. That the wedding party they're attending the night before is a formal affair with hundreds of guests, not the "family party" that he presents it as. By the way, this is one of the two times that he not only doesn't accompany her to an event, expecting her to meet him there and find him, but he doesn't even send a car. i. That he's thinking about proposing to her. "We haven't even talked about that stuff," Rachel tells her mother.

Communication is key, Nick.

59. Lean on Pete (Andrew Haigh)- I liked the first half and its patient doling out of information. Haigh sews quite a few credible threads to show why the gruff Dell would take a liking to Charley. When the film diverges into a drifter story, I got frustrated with it. To me, drifter characters aren't interesting because they take unpredictable actions, what enliven films, and make them predictable. A dine-and-dash is a dangerous, exciting thing to happen in a movie, but when this scared kid has already done so much similar running, it dulls that edge. This is Haigh's least successful film, but it's still empathetic and sensitive.

58. Hereditary (Ari Aster)- The first third of Hereditary is when it is at its most intimate and compact as a story of grief. And with the bridge of a genuinely shocking event, it becomes less Don’t Look Back and more of a hellish explainer.

Ari Aster is a master craftsman already, investing every element with intention, down to “Why are clocks so present in the frame?” That craft extends to Toni Collette, who is even better than she normally is. But in refusing to be mysterious and small, the film didn't connect with me on a level beyond admiration..

57. Gringo (Nash Edgerton)- The expository information about the company comes too late, the ending is too tidy, and I'm not sure what my girl Mandy Seyfried is doing in this. But it's funny overall, in large part because Theron and Edgerton bounce off each other beautifully, projecting a very specific brand of nouveau riche awful. She says, "Fat people are...hilarious," and he wears too many accessories in his pick-up basketball game, for which there's a running clock.

Many of these crime comedies fail because all of the characters are painted with the same cynical brush, but Oyelowo is so likable here as a frazzled guy in over his head, playing against the type of simmering dignity he inhabited as someone like Martin Luther King. I'm glad that he's getting at-bats with something this different.

56. Bad Times at the El Royale (Drew Goddard)- If you like table-setting (and I do), then this is going to be a fun time. Each room at the motel gets a two-sided mirror, each character is two-faced, many events are presented from two perspectives, and there's even a double in the title. It's hard not to share in Goddard's delight as he patiently lays out all of the Tarantinian pieces.

Once he has to start declaring things though, somewhere halfway in the meandering two and a half hours, the film doesn't end up having much to say. I'm not sure I wanted another Cabin in the Woods ending, but I did want it to add up to more than the modest pleasures that it does. Kudos to Chris Hemsworth and his dialect coach for finally piecing together a serviceable American accent.

55. Thunder Road (Jim Cummings)- As far as calling card movies go, this one is a pretty smart character study. It centers on how the things we find important, the impact of words in this case, can often be the things we struggle with the most, through dyslexia and spoonerisms and messed-up jokes in this case. That being said, no offense, the film would be 25% better with a more capable lead actor. 54. Annihilation (Alex Garland)- Much like Sunshine, another Alex Garland script, this story handles the mystery elegantly, with jolts of real horror, until we get where we're going, which doesn't live up to the promise. I do appreciate that it respects the viewer's intelligence--withholding answers to questions, sometimes never answering questions. I'm grateful that it exists. 53. BlacKkKlansman (Spike Lee)- Like Chi-Raq and Red Hook Summer, BlacKKKlansman would make for a hell of a YouTube compilation if you cut together its best moments. It's sharp and vital when it's at its best, which is pretty much any time it's commenting on the present, through "Now more than ever" Nixon campaign posters, mentions of how David Duke's policies might show up in Republican platforms, or the searing epilogue that brings back one of Lee's oldest tricks.

Like a lot of his recent work though, it's a mess tonally, and basic stuff like the timing of the cuts seems amateurish. I also think Lee's relationship with Terence Blanchard is hurting him at this point; the music doesn't match what's going on at all. I wish it hung together better than it does.

52. Widows (Steve McQueen)- This is the messiest film that Steve McQueen has made, which is its biggest strength and its biggest weakness. That loose quality allows for some expressive moves, such as when the alderman candidate takes a real-time two-minute ride from the poor area where he's campaigning to the tony area where he lives, in the same district. This is a film with admirable ambition to go with its cheap thrills.

But that same messiness produces as many bad performances (Farrell, Neeson, and, yes, Duvall) as it does good ones (Debicki, Henry, Kaluuya), and it elides so many moments near the end that I have lingering questions about whether a major plot point was even resolved. This is definitely the type of movie that has a three-hour cut that is better, and I still hope that director's cut doesn't waste five scenes on Debicki's prostitute relationship with Lukas Haas. (Where is his sliver of a face on the poster?)

51. The Death of Stalin (Armando Iannucci)- I feel as if I have to adjust to the astringency of any Iannucci property, and when I do, I laugh a lot. This movie is hilarious, and I'll save you from a list of the jokes that work the best.

Iannucci and his collaborators take one of the most violent, tyrannical periods of history and expose its perpetrators as sniveling, feckless children who might accidentally spit in their own faces as they're trying to spit on someone else's. Destabilizing those in power--in this case de-memorializing them--and portraying them as lost, scared humans is the goal of satire. So even though he does it so well, part of me wonders, "Is that it?" Bureaucracy is dumb? Isn't this an easy target? For what it's worth, I felt the same way about In the Loop, despite everyone else's praise. I'm waiting for Iannucci to find a weapon sharper than the middle finger.

50. Tully (Jason Reitman)- In a way, it's refreshing for a screenwriter to be bad at writing men. The outdated, clueless, manchild dad is the biggest weakness of the script, especially since everything else is pitched with such realism. There's also one scene that I hate but probably shouldn't spoil.

Put aside that character though, and this is a movie with wit, verisimilitude, and even a bit of visual agility. The protagonist--Marlo, a Diablo Cody name if there ever was one--has a special needs son, and I appreciated the honest way that Marlo's frustration with him sometimes outweighed her understanding.

49. Fahrenheit 11/9 (Michael Moore)- Fahrenheit 11/9 is diffuse, but it's effective enough to be in the top half of Moore's work. He stays out of it mostly (besides that familiar narration, as gentle as it is ashamed), but his heart is clearly in the searing Flint section. In fact, I wish he had made a documentary that focused only on that American travesty, not all of them.

He has the same challenge that many of us do--pointing out the crimes and perversions of Trump while keeping the high ground--and he doesn't always avoid the low-hanging fruit. Dubbing Trump's voice over Hitler's is the type of shit that people hate him for. At most turns, however, Moore's choices make sense. A long diversion into the Parkland kids, even though I find them kind of tiring personally, serves as an inspirational peak to the valley of any people of a generation or two earlier than them.

48. Isle of Dogs (Wes Anderson)- Many Wes Anderson movies are flippant about death and disease. When the effect works, it's refreshing and disorienting. When it doesn't, like in this movie, it feels cold, as if he's moving dolls around in a playhouse.

But in every other way, the sweet and wry Isle of Dogs benefits as a manicured chamber piece. The details are obvious (the tactile fur on all of the dog puppets), less obvious (a translation provides the legend "very sad funeral" to accompany a news story), and even less obvious (more than one joke about how many syllables should be in a haiku). If the narrative--jaded stray finds redemption through guileless child--doesn't offer much in the way of re-invention for the director, then I'm glad the large canvas does.

47. You Were Never Really Here (Lynne Ramsey)- I wanted an artsy crime film, and I got an artsy crime film. I have no idea if I liked it. It's bleak and groady, more of a violence movie than an action movie, concerned with the cycle of abuse and the oily spread of vengeance. It begins twenty minutes after most films of its type might choose to, and it begins in earnest at the hour mark. The atonal Jonny Greenwood score is a perfect approximation of whatever kind of dark clouds are floating in the protagonist's head.

Even when it doesn't work, the film is a reminder that Lynne Ramsey is a real artist. Although this doesn't come close to the catharsis and real-world relevance of We Need to Talk About Kevin, it reveals a focused point of view. Whether it's depicting a sequence through only surveillance footage or cutting to a half-second of flashback, she includes exactly what she wants to.

46. The Commuter (Jaume Collet-Sera)- I gave Non-Stop two-and-a-half stars, and this is a much more elegant version of Non-Stop. Even though it succumbs to gross CGI and outsized conspiracy, the class-conscious table setting is non-pareil, and it lets Neeson act his age.

45. Vice (Adam McKay)- Vice is a difficult film to evaluate because its greatest strength, the resolute, partisan, experimental point of view, is also its greatest weakness, the hand-holding, pedantic, antic point of view. There are moments in this film--the menu scene, the fake-ending--that are more inventive than anything else this year. And credit to McKay for a sui generis structure that covers thirty years in the first hour and two years in the second hour; if nothing else, he has the talent to make unitary executive theory fun.

It's a big, angry, auteurist, '70s swing, so it also takes a lot of chances that don't work and, quite obviously, it wields poetic license in the way that Ron Burgundy swished around a glass of scotch. Sometimes it doesn't know when to trust the viewer, like when it freeze frames and flashes "George H.W. Bush, President, 1989-1993" over a Bush-looking guy talking about "Barbara and I" as his son misbehaves in the background. Through no fault of McKay's, the story feels anti-climactic as well. Although I felt more distance than I expected from events that I consider recent history, the dominoes are still falling in the world that Cheney shaped.

One thing that is less debatable is Christian Bale's transformation into Cheney. That word "transformation" is used any time a famous person wears a wig. This performance, which spans decades and is not directly related to any of Bale's other work, is different. The portrait of Cheney is one of monolithic evil, which Bale suggests, but it's also grounded in reticent, clenched jaw micro-movements. Cheney, who is four inches shorter than Bale, seems like the smallest and biggest man in any room. At this point, if you told me Bale was playing Grendel, I wouldn't bat an eye. In fact, his Grendel might look a lot like Dick Cheney.

[latinalesbi]

The good trouble account doesn’t even follow the moms or boys lol so much for the family

Yes, they tag Sherri and Teri in posts. They are such users.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Cringe at some of the fans of the show I really do. On twitter for the 1st time in ages Joanna baits them. BB has gone quiet thank god. They’ve all moved on people. They got bored of writing for the moms-never really knew what to do with them s3 onwards. They wanted Maia front and center that’s evident, the spin off was their idea. The amount of new characters on their new show means money wasn’t the real issue. They’ve moved studios to cut costs. They gave up on Teri and Sherri thats the truth.

Yes, this officially makes Joanna the worst one. How she gonna tell a FAN that if she raises 30 MILLION dollars, she’ll produce the show. Bitch please. SHUT Up. She makes me so angry. They went along with whatever Freeform wanted. It’s so sad. They didn’t want the older lesbians and that’s a fact. These women weren’t sleeping around getting down with multiple women and they weren’t young things (yeah I am looking at you Bold Type and their male gaze), Freeform had no room to make a couple like Stef and Lena, front and center.

Anonymous said:                                                                      If only they had realised the storm their decision would’ve caused both Fform and the creators of the fosters. I think had they realised their new shows cloak & dagger etc would do as badly as they have they would have sanctioned a season 6. In fact I’m sure. They need the viewing figures. If the creators really wanted to go down the line of the spin off they could have run both show concurrently, that would’ve appeased every1. Like Blackish and Grownish do now Wonder if that idea ever came up?    

I think maybe you are right. Grownish came in like a hit, and that’s around the time they announced cancellation, but it’s clear now: Freeform show suck. No one wants to watch this network. The Fosters was a product of ABC F and Freeform hated it for that.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Roll my eyes at people on twitter telling us we should support this new show as The Fosters was a family and fam supports fam. Dear lord they don’t seem to get the fact that this so called family behind the scenes betrayed each other. They negotiated behind the back of Teri Sherri and the guys and left them blindsided by the decision. Bradley Peter Maia Cierra and Joanna were all complicit in that. Their ‘family’ lost their jobs whilst they not only kept theirs but no doubt got pay rises. Asses!            

Anyone who wants to sell me that shit, can go fuck themselves. What a waste of energy. This wasn’t a family, this was a job, people got fucked over, I want to see the backstabbers crash and burn.

Anonymous said:                                                                      It was the Callie show for the past two seasons. Literally everything that could happen to a person happened to her lol! They didn’t really have a use for the other characters anymore. The only reason they are bringing Cierra -Marianna on board for the new show is that they are good friends in real life. I really believe that. Can’t believe they are producers too, the former cast must have been shocked at that. It’s like a double kick in the balls.          

I agree with that and that’s why this real life friendship has an end date. It will always be Maia and guest. If production money is all she cares about then maybe it will last. However, if the limelight she seeks, then she will be disappointed.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I loved the first few seasons of The Fosters. It was so family orientated. I loved the relationship between Stef and Calli it was what I wished for if Im honest. The show became too political for me at the end, they lost a little of what made it special.

I’ve said it before, the Trump election ruined the country and specifically this show. I needed escapism, ok. Is that ok to say? This show was built on that fantasy of a life. Suddenly, everything was about Trump even though on their timeline, he hadn’t been elected. They should have left the fosters alone and made a political show elsewhere.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Thought of watching Good Trouble every week and who is Callie going to save next urgh!They’ll be lots of new young, good looking characters, lots of sex no doubt which is funny considering the moms were barely allowed to touch towards the end. The creators zoned out. They wanted this new show, probably preferred writing for the girls etc. If you read articles at the beginning of The Fosters in 2013 they were so enthused about Stef and Lena, excited to talk about their stories, its worlds apart.          

Well Bradley got divorced and clearly didn’t believe in marriage anymore. He bought himself a young boyfriend and everyone got bored of stef and lena, except the audience. Sadly. It also shows how fake they are. They are actors selling a product. Ultimately, they didn’t really care, they just thought that’s what the network wanted to hear then.

P.S. Just don’t watch troubled shows.

Anonymous said:                                                                      They harp on & boast about their social justice storylines and how this will continue when the real injustice happened on their show in front of all of us. They kept the 2 straight characters and let go the 2 older women who happened to play lesbians and their gay son. These were the characters that had the most social impact & brought the most awareness to the show at the beginning. They gave people hope and a feeling they were being listened too. It’s so sad tptb seem to have forgotten that.            

And their stupid show’s tag is going to an invade a rightfully political tag about a black activist. People looking for this will bump into white savior callie. This isn’t progressive, it’s the typical erasure that happens to lesbians.

Anonymous said:                                                                      The thing that has arisen, if that’s the right word 😂 is the huge love everyone has for Sherri and Teri and their characters Stef and Lena. They truly made a difference to people’s lives. That will never change no matter what the powers that be decide is best for themselves and their network. Maybe Callie and Marianna stories on this spinoff will be worthy but it will never compare to the real affect Teri and Sherri had on so many people. They’re loved universally and that will never go away. X  

History will tell, and no one will remember Good Trouble. No one. 

Anonymous said:                                                                      Famous in Love might not be cancelled after all now. What a joke. Could you imagine how much they are paying Bella Thorne, the ratings are shit and yet they are considering keeping it on the air yet cancel the Fosters, the highest rating show? They just want to keep Marlene King sweet no doubt, she’s got her PLL spinoff coming. It’s all trash, the network and the creators of the Fosters. In a few years time the Fosters will still be talked about, maybe then they’ll appreciate Sherri and Teri.             

It was. Thank god. Next, Bold Type and next cancel the network.

Anonymous said:                                                                      If it was a money thing why didn’t they just skim down the amount of guest characters they brought in and go back to family stories? There were so many new characters every week we couldn’t keep up & made the show feel disjointed, we didn’t have any loyalty to them. Getting rid of the boys and the moms will have saved them money, yes, they’ve moved studios too so that’s a cost cut. But then they’ve cast a load of new characters for the spin off and made the girls ep’s. Something isn’t right.             

It was not a money thing at all. They want to say that but it’s not. It was about older women and how Freeform can’t sell that. Or rather, about how they don’t know how to sell it.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Don’t worry peeps. They will realise their mistakes. The Fosters was the family. When that started to be phased out we stayed around honestly due to the connection we’d built with the characters and the those that played them. You don’t build that loyalty up overnight. They didn’t think about the fans, if they did they’d have known dumping some of the cast and picking others was a non starter. Go out on a high as the family you began with, that’s what they should have done. Everyone or no-one.             

Exactly. I think the good feelings would have remained if they hadn’t betrayed the family. Now things are tainted.

Anonymous said:                                                                      They thought we’d all continue to watch. The apathy towards us as fans is staggering. Unless they manage to generate a whole new sector of viewers which they won’t, their ratings are going to suffer hugely. They will lose so many of us. Some will be intrigued by the first ep, after that and realising the rest of the cast are really no more it will slide off. They created and had something special, this spinoff tarnished it for me.             

The thing fans aren’t really a thing to these people. The noise people make on twitter is completely just that for them, background noise. That’s why I enjoyed when someone ruffles their feathers. When truth comes close to home, they react. If Freeform knew how to create a  hit, they would have done so by now. The Fosters was successful because of the fanbase it had built from the ABCF days. Hours of politics, the law and callie. No thanks.

Anonymous said:                                                                      If their idea of family is to forsake their fellow cast then who’d want to be a part of that? Sellouts pure and simple, money over ‘family.’             

That’s it. Nothing else.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I watch the ratings for shows, it was odd to me when the decision was made. The Fosters at that point was their highest rated show both live figure and the delayed viewing. And yes most def their most stable show. Sirens had since done well. Grownish dropped, Cloak & Dagger, started well-ish but then dropped. The Bold Type has always been low and Famous in Love- terrible. Last season it always beat Shadowhunters too. That show had a big international deal to be fair. Really strange decision.           

And yet they canned Shadowhunters. If there was a show I could believe had some weird cult following online, it would be that. They didn’t care either. I don’t know what Freeform is aiming for. Race to the bottom with them.

Anonymous said:                                                                      My thinking: Teri and Sherri had the highest salaries. Fform knew the ratings were good. Thought Maia and Cierra with their social media following were popular and therefore could lead a show thus save money by getting rid of Teri and Sherri and it wouldn’t affect the ratings. They didn’t realise the demographic of audience was vast. People watched the show for a variety of reasons. They should have done some polling before making the decision, would have been clear pretty quick. Amateur network             

I don’t know. They made maia and cierra more money as producers then they would have with The Fosters. It’s almost as if those 2 were the problem with money. They were demanding so much, the network couldn’t afford to pay anyone else much. The network is trash. I will live to see it die.

[earwaxinggibbous]

“Congratulations” VS. “Started From The Bottom”

Started as a bottom, now my whole team’s fuckin’ rears.

Self-aggrandizing rap and hip-hop anthems have existed since the genre was invented. It’s just a really nice, friendly way of saying, “hey! I’m better than you.” Generally speaking, whoever is on the track should have the power and clout behind them to make all of the bragging seem warranted. A great example is Eminem’s Rap God, which has a chorus that literally has Eminem saying he’s beginning to feel like a rap god. And we buy it, because hell, Eminem basically IS a rap god. Regardless of how you feel about him, especially as a person, there’s no arguing that his flows and style require an insane amount of skill. (Or at least, they used to.)

The other big rule, once again using Rap God as an example, as that the song should actually be good. Because if you’re bragging about being the coolest rapper with the most chains and bitches while rapping like complete shit, your point is pretty much moot. When Eminem speed-raps in Rap God, it’s essentially the proof that he is in fact the man named in the title. 

There’s only one real problem with these songs when it comes to audience reception: They’re not relatable to anybody except other rich rappers and musicians. Which can be kind of a problem since that’s not really who the music industry is aiming to please. So in somewhat recent times we’ve been getting a different flavor of self-aggrandizing rap. Songs that, instead of saying “I’m super great”, they say, “Hey, I started from humble beginnings and worked my way to the top, and now I’m super great”. Which gives us viewers the idea of this sort of achievable dream that is nearly within arm’s reach.

Enter two very, very different hip-hop artists, at two very different times.

Drake and Post Malone, in my opinion, are both pretty good, in my opinion.

Let’s start with Drake. Drake feels at least a little more like a “real rapper” than Post does. Maybe because he was on Young Money, or because he doesn’t have that sing-songy flow that Post does, but he just feels more like somebody I’d describe as a rapper. If I had any reason, I’d say it’s because Post Malone’s music, even his ego-boosting shit, tends to sound stoned or morose the bulk of the time. Drake’s voice isn’t much fun either, but at least I can believe his ego based on his vocal tones alone. Post has a tendency to sound really, really sad, or just super high.

Now one might say, “Panda, you can’t compare these two songs. Started from the Bottom precedes Congratulations by four years.” But the reason I’m making this comparison is that, despite Drake being considered the superior artist by nearly everyone, Congratulations is basically the better version of its predecessor. 

Let’s discuss this.

Now for one thing, I fucking hate the music video of Started from the Bottom. Not because it’s that bad, though depicting “working at a drug store” as “the bottom” is pretty fucking stupid, the video itself does a pretty good basic job at getting across what it wants. I just hate the skit.

I remember pulling up the song on YouTube and thinking, Jesus, this song is 5 fucking minutes long? Half the lyrics are just the title. Relax, past Panda, one minute of that video is a stupid skit that shows up randomly before the second chorus. A full fucking minute of two of Drake’s coworkers, not even Drake himself, but two of his coworkers at Duane Reade or something ogling some woman who’s checking out of the store. It’s not funny, it doesn’t really add anything, and the two guys can’t act. Drake’s body language is awkward and goofy in the music video, I doubt he’d be a great actor either, but that’s fine, he’s just the guy who made the song. Most of what he needs to do is lipsync along to the track and wave his hands around anyway. But the two guys are in a skit, an acted skit that requires acting to happen, and they suck.

It doesn’t help that it’s interrupting what is already one of the most monotonous songs that the lord hath graciously dumped on top of our collective consciousness like a weighty cow turd. The video actually tries to help the song by making it look like Drake really did work a crappy job with a bunch of assholes and was raised in a shitheap. But this isn’t true.

And I hate bringing the lives of artists into their music more than anything. Because ever since really getting into Eminem’s works, I’ve been seeing every musician’s persona as a character. Now some musicians characters, like say, Mary Lambert, are very close to their real-world self, or even identical. Others, like David Bowie or the aforementioned Eminem, are essentially entirely different people offstage. Then there’s incredibly creative people like ThatPoppy who sort of blur the difference between a musical persona and the person behind it. And honestly I find that way more interesting than ripping into an artist personally. (Unless it’s Taylor Swift.)

But Started from the Bottom is an argument against critics who don’t believe Drake ever really suffered or understands the lower class. And I’ve read about him, so I can say that he should. He wasn’t living in a complete shithole, generally Canadian shitholes are better than American ones, but he still dealt with a parental divorce, bullying due to his race and Jewish upbringing, and having to see his father arrested. But there’s two issues once we reach this point.

One. This song never mentions any of that. And two. After dropping out of school he got a TV job to act as a main character on Degrassi. And since this song isn’t about his childhood, I can only assume it’s looking back on his days as a working-class young adult.

NO, Drake. BAD hip-hop artist.

Being an actor on a TV sitcom is not the bottom. Not to mention that even when he left to start making music, he essentially had his career set. Once you’re an actor on television, if people watched your shit, you can almost definitely get a job in music afterwards. It worked for Miley, Demi, Ariana, and Selena, there’s no reason it wouldn’t have worked for Drake. Not to mention that he got picked up by Young Money, which is essentially a free win for anyone who’s better and more interesting than sentient iguana man Li’l Wayne. (Which was surprisingly rare, apparently. Where the fuck is Gudda Gudda’s next single, Wayne?!)

Yes, Drake, we know you weren’t rich. That doesn’t mean you were at the bottom. I live in a comfortable apartment in Midtown and my mom works a law firm, and we don’t even call ourselves rich. “Not being rich” is different from “the bottom”. “The bottom” is only owning hand-me-down underwear, living in a downturned umbrella and eating dirt for nutrients. 

But lyrically this song doesn’t tell you anything. All the stuff I know about this guy is just from Lyric Genius and Wikipedia. 

Wow, you only argue with your mom once a month?

Lucky bastard.

Also, really quickly I wanna comment on the uncle line for a second. “The keys” are specifically to his drop top Lexus that young Drake was borrowing. I don’t think you need me to say that people who are on “the bottom” don’t tend to own convertibles. 

And, like, rich people work at night and get in traffic too. Just because you’re in a limousine doesn’t mean there’s no traffic. It’s just slightly more enjoyable traffic. 

And then Drake just spends the rest of the song essentially sucking his own dick without expanding on his hardships, which was supposed to be the point of this track from the beginning. And I don’t get the whole “no new friends” thing he always says, this isn’t the only song he’s said it in. Drake, unless you’re gonna tell me that the entirety of Young Money and several other well-known rappers went to high school with you like some kind of wacky rap music-based sitcom, I’m pretty sure you’ve made some new friends. Either that or your obvious baby crush on Nicki Minaj is painfully laced by inconceivable amounts of mistrust.

So you’re either a paranoid asshole who just admitted to not trusting the people that got him into the game in the first place, or you’re a liar. Good to know!

Honestly this song makes me just kind of not like Drake as a person. Which is probably one of the worst things you can do as an artist. If you’re trying to make a song that allows people to sympathize with your plights or revel in your success, being this illegally unlikable while doing it isn’t helping your case in the slightest.

But honestly the worst part isn’t even the douchey lyrics, it’s just the song itself. It just feels like it goes on forever.

(Pictured: A hook, apparently.)

The chorus itself is so repetitive I’d rather listen to fucking Come and Get It, Drake has a really bad habit of sounding literally bored to death, and the beat just sounds like a Future song jacked off on GarageBand. Lame snares and lame backing tunes. One whole piano key. Wow, Drake, you’re almost as good at playing physical instruments as your mentor.

(Even he hates it.)

Sad to say the beat and production is probably the best part? Drake’s voice wrecks what was already a weak beat. Whenever he wants to be self-aggrandizing he just sounds fucking bored. Like the most self-aggrandizing thing about it is the fact that he doesn’t think he needs to actually try. In fact, The Motto (YOLO) had the exact same problem. I actually prefer that song. The beat still isn’t high art, but it’s got a little more snap to it. Kind of reminds me of Sage the Gemini’s Gas Pedal, which falls into the category of songs that aren’t that great but can be danced to if put on the setlist. 

But this? It’s no fun. A hard 1 out of 5, and that’s only because its attempted premise was almost salvageable. But all I really got out of this song was that Drake is an asshole, he went to school with Lil Wayne apparently, his mom is really really nice since they only argue once a month, and he should just go back to desperately wishing his girlfriend would call him on his cell phone. You’re way better at being sad than--

Fucking... goddamnit.

Now Post Malone is kind of... different. In many ways. One time he said he doesn’t write rap music, and while normally I’d attribute that to him being a pussy who’s too afraid to contribute to what is and has always been a predominantly black genre and racism and he secretly doesn’t wanna be associated with them or whatever. But honestly I’m inclined to give Post Malone some leeway because really, he’s a singer. He makes notes. He’s singing with a hip-hop flow and occasionally has actual rap guests who... honestly end up doing a similar thing on his tracks. (In this case, it’s Quavo! Hurray!)

Oddly enough I actually went through a few songs to compare this to before settling on Drake. I considered Cheap Thrills, as they both sort of follow a similar concept of ‘today’s a good day, let’s go clubbing with only three bucks in our collective pockets’. Decided not to because really Cheap Thrills could be more accurately compared to a myriad of other songs. Considered White Iverson, his first single, but decided they didn’t really have enough in common to use it. I had options.

Really the only reason I went with this is because Congratulations succeeds in every place that Started From The Bottom fails.

Rather than attempting to detail Post Malone’s past suffering, it moreso discusses the actual rise to fame. And alllll the people who said he couldn’t do it.

Beatwise this one outclasses Drake’s already. I remember reading critics describing Started’s beat as “haunting”, which was apparently a good thing. I don’t get it. Congratulations, on the other hand, is carried by a sort of stoned, laidback tempo. Really speaks to the whole idea of “hey, we worked really hard, our album dropped, and now we can take a break and have some fun!” 

Honestly if Post Malone wrote more songs like this and less straight-up luxury porn/self-aggrandizing rap like White Iverson or rockstar. (I feel like I’m a minority in not really minding either one of those songs.) Also I must say that Post Malone seems to be really good at picking guest artists. On rockstar he has 21 Savage, whose big thing is that he’s gangsta and shoots people and don’t fuck with him, which at least fits into the attempted tone. (Honestly Sav fits better on that song than Post does.) And in Congrats, we get Quavo.

Not only do Quavo and Post sound really good together on this, as their vocal range seems somewhat similar implying some kind of bro-type unity shit. Honestly this song gives me more band vibes than rockstar does, albeit a very different kind.

You know, you just started your band, you’re waiting to hit it big, you’ve put in all this effort with barely any money, you’re living in a shitbag apartment with 4 other sweaty dudes and you all have to sleep together and Quavo keeps rolling over and shoving his nuts in your face. It’s completely garbage and your drummer has to whore himself out for money, you accidentally get paid for a gig in beer tickets like in that one episode of Metalocalypse, and then finally, FINALLY, you drop a tape that hits big. You get on TV, you meet a record exec, and you’re calling your mom during the afterparty and you’re all celebrating because it’s been so LONG since you could just have a BREAK and now everybody’s SAUCIN’.

EXACTLY.

The lyrics work perfectly for this, but not only that, it’s to show all of the naysayers who insisted they couldn’t do it. All the haters who are now suddenly super gung-ho about how they used to be friends with Post Malone even though they actually shoved him in a locker literally every day. This somehow manages to be super-laidback and super-hype at the same time, which seems to be Post’s general style. Candy Paint has sort of a similar feel. That’s also a fucking great song. I love Post Malone. There. I said it.

But the biggest difference between these two songs is that I somehow get some feeling that Post Malone started somewhere. When I hear Congratulations, I feel like he actually had to put in some effort to get where he is. His first big hit only even got released because somebody leaked it. Nobody was ever expecting it to be as big as it is. Stoney in general is an insanely personal album, and it all feels surprisingly honest for the genre despite the drops of luxury porn and self-aggrandizing. 

Basically, TL;DR: Drake cares more about the destination than the journey. Post gives us both the conflict and they payoff. Drake’s beat lacks texture or purpose, whereas Post manages to meld his melodic voice with a smooth backing track. Also, Post occasionally bothers with wordplay! Lyricism in a melodic rap song? Who would’ve thought?

Hell, it even manages to fix the “no new friends” idea displayed by Drake by sort of re-interpreting it as “no fake friends”.

And fuck, I almost forgot to mention Quavo.

Oh Quavo. Your verse may be short, severely lacking in punchlines and technically mediocre, but you just... you sound good. You sound good with Post. Somehow Post fucking Malone manages to totally outclass one of the Migos on this track. But Quavo does pretty well. I kinda like the “Huncho Houdini” line and a few of the football puns. In the end his verse is a little too short to really judge as anything more than decent.

(Also, the music video is great.)

But yeah, who would’ve thought this white stoner with braided sideburns would manage to completely slam Drake, the god of the late 2010′s? I’m honestly tempted to give this thing a 5 out of 5, but due to a few not-rhymes that nearly slip past due to Post’s mild drunken slur, I’d have to drop it into a 4.5/5. Still, I love this song. I love this song, I love Post Malone, fuck it. Judge me if you want. I have yet to hear a Post Malone song I don’t like.

Which I guess doesn’t mean much since he only has an album and an LP out, but...

It’s more than can be said for Drake at this point.

[script101]

An alternate hypothesis of Clara and Twelve's relationship.

I know that Clara and The Doctor loved each other profoundly.

I think he remembers what Clara would have wanted him to remember.

I think The Doctor loved Clara more than he had ever loved anyone.

Clara was The Impossible Girl.

I think their love and their perception of each other was, appropriately, IMPOSSIBLE.

I don’t think their perception of their relationship was planned from day one, but I do give Steven Moffat quite a bit of credit in terms of remembering what has happened and understanding what will and won’t work.

They loved each other. Profoundly. Painfully.

I do NOT think they were IN love, though.

Fellow Clara stans, tell me if I’m crazy:

___________________

(I will preface this by admitting that I thought they were heading towards romantic love when it was Eleven and Clara, and I now I have to edit this because I remember that I felt cheated that we didn’t see more of those two actors together after Clara saved him from himself. But, after both Jenna Coleman and Peter Capaldi were adamant about there not being any romance between them, I can only guess that perhaps Matt Smith had a little crush on JC. And crucially, since Heaven Sent and Hell Bent show how much The Doctor loved Clara, Clara would have had to have been wildly out of established explicitly stated character, and have been a mindbogglingly shallow hypocrite for 4/5ths of her run, if she permanently fell OUT of love with The Doctor and dumped him for handsome Danny simply because Twelve didn’t look like he was in his late twenties/early thirties anymore. Jenny hung the lampshade on that in episode 8x01. Appearances don’t matter if you’re IN ROMANTIC LOVE. No. Romantic love doesn’t really work. Yes, they flirted. He was cute, he saved her life, and he followed her around like a puppy ostensibly finding new ways to entertain her. But instead he was actually trying to figure out what in the universe she was. He was sweet and cuddly and genuinely concerned for her safety, but Eleven’s interest in Clara was NOT pure. Clara was Eleven’s new shiny Rubik’s Cube, not his partner. He was Amy’s friend. He wasn’t really Clara’s. She fancied him, she adored him, she risked her life for him and then chose to DIE for him. But if we think about how Mme Vastra described The Doctor to Victorian Clara, he was cruel and almost dead inside. In HIDE, the kindest woman on earth, a true empathic psychic made no secret of her deep dislike and mistrust of Eleven even though “Eleven” is how high he had turned up the charm! She told Clara “He has ice in his heart”. This has a second meaning in terms of “The Impossible Girl” puzzle, but Emma Greyling wasn’t reading Eleven’s thoughts, she was reading his EMOTIONS. In the context she stated it, her meaning was unambiguous. Imho, until Clara walked into his Time Stream, Clara was no more then a pretty entertaining puzzle for the emotionally wounded Eleven to solve.)

“Romantic love” is also almost too easy.

It doesn’t explain why Twelve HAD to have his specific memories of Clara erased.

“In love” dismisses, denies, and insults both River and Rose, not to mention The Doctor’s first wife. Dismissing Rose makes Ten’s treatment of Martha inexcusable.

It undermines his friendships with Amy and Rory and Donna.

The Doctor is 2000 years old. He’s lost… everyone.

You can survive losing a love. You can survive losing a spouse.

There is one relationship, so rare that we don’t think about it, where the loss of one FOR ANY REASON AT ANY AGE, has (per Psychology Today) predicted the death of the other within two years at a horrifying rate of 50%. I read that and found it so disturbing I can’t bear to believe it. The idea that there is one person, and that if you have that person in your life, and they die, or worse you see them murdered in front of you, the chance that you will be dead within 2 years is a coin toss? THAT WOULD justify and REQUIRE a memory wipe.

______

I’m operating on the assumption that everyone reading this has seen seasons 7-9. I’m only pointing out a few episodes as reference.

Eleven met a doomed Clara in the first episode of season seven. That Clara was the same as all the Claras: so insanely smart that the Daleks wanted her, but so devoid of anything resembling a cruel thought that they were unable to make her a Dalek. Subtract love, add hate. You can’t subtract love if love IS what you are (please google the translation of La Habanera and note how it fits Clara’s arc down to the bird), you can’t add hate if you aren’t a hate filled person.

In The Snowmen, we meet Clara again. She’s so much like Eleven I remember thinking they were separated at birth! Just like The Doctor, she was running around with a fake name that we never learn. She was NOT calling herself “Alice Montague”. The closing credits, Amazon Prime, and IMDb confirm that Alice was the name of the housekeeper. We NEVER learned the pseudonym of the Governess*.

We finally meet Clara Prime. She and Eleven seem to flirt and he follows her around like a puppy. They hug, but never kiss. He isn’t interested in Clara, he is interested in trying to figure out what Clara is and how she continues to exist. There are no longing gazes. The one time that Eleven comments on Clara’s appearance in a sexual way, he immediately shudders. The shudder bothered me.

At the end of season 7, Clara, a human, walked into the Eleventh Doctor’s time stream (Name of the Doctor). While she was in his time stream, Eleven FINALLY kissed his wife like a man! Applause combined with me shouting “it’s about damn time!” After saying goodbye to River, Eleven was then able to pull Clara out safely. He found her a few feet from another version of himself (the War Doctor). We have two more episodes with Matt Smith and from then on it’s Clara and the Twelfth Doctor.

Then it starts getting bizarre.

After regenerating, Twelve describes Clara as “the NOT me one”. Huh? Seriously, what??? Because he thinks it’s hard to tell them apart?

The mystery is solved, but Twelve is more dependent on Clara than he was on anyone to date. Their relationship was odd, but now, for the first time, they were partners. They were EQUALS.

There are viewers who hate that Clara became arguably the most important person in The Doctor’s life. It logically really should be either Davros (the creator of the things that defined who the doctor wasn’t), or Missy/The Master (the only other member of his species still alive). Steven Moffat solidified Clara’s influence on The Doctor relatively early on in “Listen”.

From Twelve’s point of view, once Clara walked into his time stream Clara has been with him his entire life. In LISTEN the audience sees that she really has been with him his entire life. We also know from that script and the script to Dark Water that Clara never could have wound up in The Doctor’s bedroom to comfort him as a child if their time streams weren’t INTERTWINED and if they too didn’t share a profound emotional and psychic link.

Twelve is seemingly very rude to Clara, but he also still follows her around like a puppy. He insults her appearance by saying they look the same age.

So I have to wonder: what if he wasn’t insulting her? What if he actually thinks of her as being the same age as he is?

He clearly can’t live without her.

He is very troubled at the end of Flatline (a personal favorite of mine). He’s upset because Clara was way too good at being him. She should have been upset about the people who died. She wasn’t. He was. Quite a reversal of the previous week.

Clara WAS in romantic love with Danny Pink. They were both teachers. They both loved children. CLARA MET AND SPOKE TO THEIR GREAT-GRANDSON ORSON PINK. After Danny’s death (in a cruel irony, he died after being hit by a car. Clara’s parents met after her mother Ellie saved her father Dave from the same fate.)

.

Having met Orson, Clara wasn’t just grieving a boyfriend, she was grieving the man she believed was going to be her husband and CLARA WAS GRIEVING THEIR CHILDREN.

Clara believed, ever since Listen, that she and Danny were going to have at least one son, and at least one grandson who would be Orson’s father. She snapped. Who can blame her? We were never given proof that Missy murdered Danny. Clara is the type to blame herself. In her mind, because she was too afraid to tell Danny about all her lies to his face, she believed she had killed Danny, she believed she had killed their son, she believed had killed their grandson, and she believed she had killed her great-grandson Orson. Clara believed she had obliterated her entire family, and the weight of that was just too much for her. Again, who can blame her?

.

Clara threatens Twelve to try to make him save Danny, even though she knew it was impossible. Huh. Ok. Um… How DID human Clara know that it was impossible? Yes she’s very smart, but that’s a stretch. We in the audience knew. How did she? How much “Time Lord Wisdom” did she absorb while she was in Eleven’s time stream?

.

When did she learn his biography? He could have told her, but it doesn’t seem like something season 8’s Doctor would talk about.

The opening credits for Death in Heaven showed Clara’s eyes in the spot reserved for The Doctor. To play with the audience? Sure. To hint at The Hybrid? Why not.

We learn Missy put them together. Missy is insane, but she knows The Doctor. Out of all the people in the universe, she knew Clara was the perfect match for The Doctor. In her wacko mind, Clara was a gift.

.

On to season nine. Clara is becoming more and more reckless and more and more like The Doctor. Twelve is becoming increasingly worried about losing Clara.

.

Then he sees her murdered.

.

Stop. Back up. Why were we shown the Osgoods? >

Yes it was a brilliant two parter and I thought the political message was perfect and desperately needed.

But why did the Zygon story begin by showing us that when one Osgood died, her twin went insane? This element of the story was irrelevant. Moving, yes, but irrelevant to the larger narrative unless it wasn’t important to an even larger story arc. Grief was enough. Why madness?

In Heaven Sent, we KNOW The Doctor understands what is happening once he realizes the significance of the word “Bird”. But he keeps going. He wants to die. He is afraid to die but the thought of living without Clara is too much to bear. He is ready to give up. It’s only a pep talk from a hallucination of Clara that makes him continue through the most evil torture I can imagine.

.

He does it in order to cheat death. In order to cheat CLARA’S death. In order to try to attempt what Clara had tried a season earlier: rewrite a fixed point in time even though he KNEW damn well he couldn’t.

Once forced to accept that Clara’s heart will never beat again, we see that Twelve STILL refuses to accept it.

He’s still trying to cheat.

His logic makes no sense.

Ashildr (as the Voice of Moffat) is tasked with explaining “The Hybrid” to The Doctor and Clara (a human who has activated the monitor of the second TARDIS she’s ever been in, and who has been able to control THE TARDIS with a snap of her finger just like The Doctor since the 50th anniversary episode). Ashildr explains that she isn’t The Hybrid, the Hybrid is Twelve and Clara TOGETHER.

She’s right.

The two of them were The Hybrid. The hearts Twelve burned were his own.

_______

…I remember thinking they were separated at birth…

At the beginning of this essay, I mentioned that there is one death you can’t recover from. The death people can’t recover from is losing THEIR TWIN. Identical or fraternal, the surviving twin always feels that a piece of them is missing. If that surviving twin was a Time Lord with a Tardis, would he EVER give up trying to make his twin sister’s heart beat again? We saw evidence that 3.4 billion years of torture wouldn’t stop him. Twelve would never stop until the universe burned. THAT was why he had to lose his memory.

Somewhere Clara is still flying around in a TARDIS she shouldn’t be able to fly and she still loves Twelve. But once her murder was a fixed point, Twelve couldn’t handle remembering her anymore. The memory of her was too dangerous.

_______

So yes, I agree that they loved each other, but it wasn’t romantic love.

Clara and Twelve… their love was something else. Something, appropriately, completely IMPOSSIBLE.

I think that when Clara stepped into The Doctor’s time stream and splintered across it, she became psychologically more than a bit like him and he became psychologically more then a bit like her.

Danny recognized how close Clara was to The Doctor. Clara was worried about his reaction to her continued travels in the TARDIS, but Danny seemed as ok with their relationship as could he expected. Danny couldn’t stand Twelve, but even after Kill the Moon he had accepted that they were a set. If he loves one of them, he’s gonna be stuck with the other. He saw and stated that Clara and The Doctor very close and got along. He didn’t want her taking idiotic risks (he was right), but he had no problem at all with his girlfriend spending time with a man he hated (even when they had specifically gone somewhere that is inherently romantic like The Orient Express) as long as it was safe. He was amused by her concern about his reaction. As long as she was safe, she didn’t have to explain. Being the bait for a Skovox Blitzer? No. Hell No. Unacceptable. Running off with a man he hates to spend at least one night on one of the most romantic trains ever? Yeah, that’s fine. That was amusing and nothing he was going to try to stop.

Danny himself recognized that the only thing to do about his girlfriend running around with this “Time Lord” he hated was to accept it as long as she promised not to lie if he was going to put her in mortal peril. Danny seemed to know in Mummy on the Orient Express that if he wanted to date Clara, he was stuck with the pompous ass who would always demean and dismiss him as a PE teacher. They were a package.

__________

After Ashildr explained to how they TOGETHER were The Hybrid, Twelve tries to cheat Clara’s death with a memory wipe.

Clara won’t allow it.

Clara, a human, somehow manages to reverse the way the memory wipe device works. Instead of erasing her memory it erases his.

He knows something is wrong. He knows he’s forgotten someone. He still can’t remember Clara specifically.

Clara and Ashildr, in a TARDIS Clara should not be able to operate, leave. Just like in the lyrics to La Habanera, Clara beat her wings, broke the cage, and flew away.

Even though Twelve can’t remember Clara Oswald, he seems to still retain her humanity.

Eleven was at times terrifying. By the end, he was insincere more then he wasn’t. He was at times utterly terrifying in both Season 6 and in Season 7.

Twelve, in contrast, was ALWAYS not quite right. He was too human.

Does anyone really think Twelve could have done what Eleven did at the end of The Rebel Flesh? No. Even upon a second viewing knowing Eleven wasn’t trying to hurt Amy but was panicking and desperately trying to wake her up so he could rescue her, does anyone really think Twelve could have violently slammed a companion into a wall and hollered hostilely in her face? No.

Twelve couldn’t have done it because CLARA couldn’t have done it.

Look at Twelve in season 10. He’s a teacher. He didn’t need Clara’s “tact” cards when Bill asked him what was going on at the end of Extremis. He somehow REMEMBERED how to tell someone, ahem… very bad news. Clara would have been proud. He REMEMBERED how to comfort children in Thin Ice just like Clara would.

He has forgotten the specifics of Clara because he had to, but he couldn’t forget her personality, her kindness, her love of children. She is still a part of him.

So yes, I think Clara was the most important character in The Doctor’s entire existence.

I think they loved each other beyond what they could understand.

But I do NOT think they were EVER in romantic love.

She was The Impossible Girl.

I think their love was impossible.

When Clara walked into The Doctor’s Time Stream, I think she and he became Fraternal Twins.

Again, they never realized this. Ashildr had to explain how the two of them together were The Hybrid. But it fits the dynamic of their relationship. They would both die for each other. They bicker constantly. She bosses him around. There is NOTHING that one could do that could make the other leave.

I have lost count of the number of times their relationship was described as unhealthy or disfunctional. It reads quite differently if Twelve is Clara’s annoying bratty brother. Nearly every interaction going back to Deep Breath works if he perceives her as his sister and best friend and he’s always around annoying her because they used to do everything together but now she’s got a social life while he doesn’t.

I think they were The Hybrid because they were, on a deep psychological level, fraternal twins.

And I think they both perceived Clara as being the one who was a few minutes “older”.

Thoughts?

.

____________________ (*I like to imagine that Victorian Clara was calling herself “Becky Montague” because I find the reference to Vanity Fair funny. Victorian Clara and Vanity Fair’s Becky Sharp were social climbers, and Victorian Clara wound up literally climbing stairs for a social reason. Victorian Clara was sharp as a tack, but unlike nanny Becky Sharp, she cared deeply for her charges. Plus, one of Becky Sharp’s charges was named “Amelia”. It’s just too on the nose.)

[redwhale]

The Curious Case of Chekov’s Thomas Hamilton.

Thomas (2x03): The new world is a gift, Lieutenant. A sacred opportunity to right our wrongs and begin a new - and I do not want my family's plot in it to be the reason for its fall. ...well, about that, Thomas.... I hate to say it.... Miranda (1x07): This path you're on, it doesn't lead where you think it does. If he were here, he'd agree with me!

The following is a stupidly, stupidly long prolonged ramble about the whos/whats/potential hows on the justification for a Thomas Hamilton return, one that originally came about after I started doing a series rewatch. There are lot of questions, and not a lot of answers, but I decided typing it out was probably better than zoning out in the vegetables section of the supermarket again, trying to puzzle out the great mystery of Chekov's Thomas Hamilton... which embarrassingly did happen. Twice. Once whilst staring at pumpkins.

Wherefore art thou, Mr Hamilton?

The following relevant quote is something @flinthamilton​ cleverly picked up on some time ago, which has been my soothing madness mantra ever since -

Thomas (2x01): They say it started with a man named Henry Avery, who sailed into the port of Nassau, bribed the colonial Governor to look past his sins, and camped his crew upon the beach -  and thus began the pirate issue on New Providence Island. Where and when will it all end - I suppose that's where you and I come into the story.

Even prior to the great Thomas Hamilton Unified Meltdown of 4x04, like with a lot of viewers, there was an odd ambiguity to Thomas' death that I could never shake. Thomas' death is a story within a story, first told to us via Richard Guthrie, and only ever glossed over with no true specifics outside of the implication from Guthrie that Thomas had committed suicide. Hilariously, nearly every leading character on the show has been thought to be dead at some point, with Madi, Silver, and the Walrus joining the club as of S4. (Didn’t the Walrus die twice?) I thought the ambiguity in regards to Thomas' demise was odd, but had come to terms with it by the end of S2, outside of the actual reasoning why Lord Hamilton was travelling under an assumed name.

...then comes along S3, with Flint being haunted by Miranda and Mistress Death in his day/dreams. I'd initially assumed the lack of Thomas was due to a scheduling conflict with Rupert Penry Jones, but there is an almost bizarre lack of Thomas mention throughout the dreams, which easily could have been worked around with the odd bit of dialogue to compensate for the lack of actor availability. I know some viewers were concerned the lack of Thomas was done in response to some of the homophobic backlash from S2. Considering Thomas is very much not forgotten for the rest of S3, with Flint nearly in tears in two occasions over his memory, I don't know if that was entirely the case. Miranda's comment in Flint's dream is still surprising, and in retrospect, could have meant more than one person alongside of Silver's valuable companionship for Flint:

Miranda (3x05): You can't see it yet, can you? You are not alone.

On the assumption Thomas will show up at the end of the series, seeing Thomas interact with Flint in Flint's dreams would lessen the punch significantly. We've seen Thomas and McGraw interacting in flashbacks. We saw Miranda Barlow and Captain Flint interacting for a season, and then with S2, were introduced to the Miranda Hamilton and James McGraw that came before. Understandably, considering Thomas’ currently dead status, we have not seen the dynamic change between Thomas and McGraw of the flashbacks to Thomas with the Flint of the present. A conversation between Thomas and Flint, even in a dream, would come with a lot of baggage on Flint's behalf that would be odd not to mention - forgiveness, penance, loss, legacy. You couldn't have Flint and Thomas in a dream sequence without discussing at least some of those aspects of Flint, and it would again lessen the later emotional punch significantly if Thomas were to return, and then rehash the same issues in person. It would be a bigger emotional punch to see Thomas and James together for the first time since the flashbacks as the men they both now are after a decade, as opposed to Flashback!Thomas interacting with Flint in a dream. Just visually, there is quite a shocking difference between James McGraw and Captain ‘Walter White’ Flint of S3/4. (Walter Flint. Captain White.)

Again, it's not like the showrunners were handwaving in S3 how much Thomas had meant to Flint. Mentions of Thomas and his legacy are a big part of the Flint and Rogers meet and greet on the beach, with Flint blinking back tears over Rogers’ queries. He's in a similar state explaining Thomas' story to Silver in 3x10, with Silver wanting to know who Flint is really fighting this war for. Even as of 4x04, the loss of Thomas - even a decade later - is still a very, very raw wound for Flint.

...I will also never get over how darkly funny it is for Flint to show up on the beach, ready to grind Rogers under his heel, and Rogers mic-drops the name of Lord Thomas Hamilton. You see all of Flint's bravdo evaporate in a moment.

Silver getting very specific knowledge re: Thomas and his fate in 3x10 was interesting, too, as Silver could have gotten a glossed over version and it would have worked just as well. Silver needed to learn of Thomas' actual name for whatever reason. Regardless of whether the estate mentioned by Max plays into Silver's backstory or is linked to Thomas, that knowledge (and potentially using it against/or as a catalyst for Flint) from the previous season has already come into play in some form.

Silver (4x04): I see. But that wasn't really what I asked, was it? Assume, that his father was just as dark as you say, but was unable to murder his own son. Assume he found a way to secret Thomas away from London -

Flint: He didn't.

Silver: Would you trade this war to make it so?

When it comes to Black Sails, I feel like the devil is always in the details.

Outside the continual narrative thread of Thomas' mentions throughout the series, the unexplained oddity of Lord Hamilton travelling under an assumed name is still unexplained. In S1, we learn of the Maria Aleyne, but we don't know who/what/why. In S2, we learned it was Lord Alfred Hamilton, travelling under an assumed name. We now know the who/what/why for Flint's and Miranda's actions, but we still don't know why Alfred was travelling secretly. If he was visiting Peter, it still seems odd that he would do so under an assumed name. Lord Hamilton's power was absolute - who would he have to fear? He could have taken a big ship, and would have high enough status that he surely could have been protected by the Navy against the pirate threat, but instead, everything was done in secrecy.

It took until the final season for the extended Guthrie family to come into play, and that's been a narrative thread since back in S1. With the dangling 'north of Spanish Florida' thread, there's also the fact that Abigail was sent to Savannah by Peter, the very same place that Flint is supposed to end up pre-Treasure Island. The pieces have all been laid out, and have to come together somewhere - though I can't imagine anything coming to pass before 4x10. Not a lot of time to tie up loose ends, either! There's also another reason why I think Thomas needs to come back to resolve Flint's arc. Interestingly, in 2x08, Flint is concerned about judgement from Peter for the things he has done. ('Not of Nassau, but of me, and the man I have become.') If Flint was so devastated at the thought of Thomas disagreeing with his choices in S1 - and it took a Thomas-like rhetoric from Eleanor to drag him from his stupor - the ultimate, agonizing judgement of Flint would be from Thomas himself.

Silver (4x04): If we assume, that we are on the verge of some impossible victory here, a truly significant thing - that we assume that is real, and here for the taking , wouldn't you trade it all to have Thomas Hamilton back again?

Flint: ...I think if he knew how close we were to the victory he gave his life to achieve, he wouldn't want me to.

I'm assuming that by the end of the series, for better or worse, we'll have a true answer from Flint re: Thomas and the war. Thomas vs. Thomas' legacy. Silver has had the same question posed to him via circumstance, and chose Madi. We’ve since seen Max choose Anne. Flint doesn't have to make a decision like Silver or Max with Thomas dead, and can justify his actions all he wants to himself.

On a boring pacing note, I’ve been surprised that the big Skeleton Island/cache Silver/Flint stressful emotional climax seems to be in 4x09, and not the finale itself. 4x08 almost felt like the penultimate episode, leading into a finale. All of this is to say that it looks like there is time for a further resolution to Flint’s arc, and that it seems like finale emotional battle for Flint will be choices regarding the war itself, and not the cache.

How’s the weather north of Spanish Florida?

You don't do an absolutely ludicrously specific exposition dump and then don't come back to it in some form to resolve it, especially on Black Sails! What's more, the set up for the subplot happens in 4x02, with Max dropping the first hint of it to Silver.

Max (4x02): I am tempted to put the sword to you and your men both and bury this story for good, but what am I, if I spend my days pleading for a return to civility and then do dark things under the cover of night. So you will remain in my custody until I can find a place far from here to deposit you. You will be gone, but you will live.

...I also like the nice 'bury this story for good' metaphor. Black Sails loves a good story metaphor.

The odd little narrative thread once again comes up in 4x04, with Silver very unsubtly bringing it up again with Max. Regardless if the whole 'north of Spanish Florida' mention relates ultimately to Silver's backstory or to Thomas himself, Max's mention of sending Silver away was subtle and in passing in the first place that it need not be brought up again unless there is to be pay-off later. It really doesn't need to be talked about at all - she didn't want to kill him, so she'd send him away, the show has more important plot points to worry about. We don't need to know why as the audience, unless it is plot relevant later. It actually feels quite clunky on rewatches - Silver needs to get the information for the plot, but the conversation flow for how he gets it is pretty transparent.

Max (4x04): When Anne was recruiting spies in Port Royal, she met a man with an estate in the wilderness, north of Spanish Florida. A reform minded man, who uses convicts as laborers - convicts he solicits from prisons in England, where their treatment is far less humane. This man, we were told, found it profitable to offer his services to wealthy families, some of the most prominent in London on occasion, who needed to make troublesome family members disappear. Cared for, tended to, but never to be seen or heard from again.

There is so much information dumped here! a) A location - north of Spanish Florida, possibly near Savannah, and comparatively close to Charlestown. b) A reform minded man. c) The use of convicts as laborers, who had previously been treated badly. d) The biggest stand is the line about offering services to wealthy prominent families from London with troublesome family members that need to disappear. If Max wanted to send Silver away, there is absolutely no need to bring the ‘services to wealthy familes, some of the most prominent in London’ into it, as mentioning sending Silver away to be a laborer would have been enough. The show is intentionally - and a tad clumsly - invoking Thomas’ circumstance for the audience. Or a possible Silver backstory, just to cover my ass. e) We also have the implication that these troublesome family members would be found in good condition, to hand wave away in advance why those that lived there would most likely be in a fairly healthy state, hopefully both of mind and body.

As mentioned above, with the Guthrie family subplot finally coming into play in S4, there are very little narrative threads that get started on Black Sails that don't get finished. As of 4x08, we had Idelle bring up Charlotte! Regardless how it all relates to Thomas, the narrative thread of the man north of Spanish Florida certainly was a big one.

Troublesome Family Member Hideaway Camp for Rich Londonites.

Depending on Peter's role in all this, and what degree of guilt over his part in what Alfred Hamilton had done to Thomas, I can't see why it wouldn't be probable that Thomas wouldn't have ended up at the estate. I also can't imagine there would be many men offering this kind of service in the first place, let alone so comparatively close to where Peter Ashe resided, so it's again not very improbable Thomas could have ended up there. In the end, it might be a good enough justification to get Flint there - hey, there's an estate that takes in the troubled family members of rich Londonites, and what a coincidence, it isn't ludicrously far away from Charlestown! Lord Hamilton could have taken Thomas there without Peter's knowledge, but surely it would be more likely that Peter was the one to suggest it. Peter can alleviate his guilt somewhat in regards to the whole proceedings, as Thomas is free from Bethlem, and yet still keep Lord Hamilton placated. After Lord Hamilton drops off Thomas - or visits Thomas at a later date - Flint then boards the Maria Aleyne, and kills him. Was Thomas ever in Bethlem in the first place? Was Alfred Hamilton horrified at his treatment, that when Peter offered a potential out for Thomas, he took it? After what Thomas had been through, there would be no way to release him back into London society - it would have made the Hamiltons look even worse.

I'm quite curious about the man who runs said estate. How long he's been doing it, why he's been doing it, etc. Ha, maybe he's the connection to Silver's mysterious backstory! From a few paragraphs ago, the emphasis on 'tended to, cared for' by Max in her exposition is interesting. On the hypothetical Flint finds Thomas, it does tell the audience in advance why Thomas might be found in good and healthy condition, and also (hopefully) of a sound mind. I'm curious about the freedom of those at the estate. Are they in cells? Do they have more autonomy? Is it heavily guarded, or do the prisoners have more autonomy?

One negative is that with Lord Hamilton dead all those years, wouldn’t Peter have had Thomas released? Surely Thomas would know his father had died. It depends who is footing the bills in the Hamilton family, I suppose. With Lord Hamilton’s death, maybe Thomas now had the autonomy to leave, but chose not to do so.

Who needs enemies, when you can have a friend like Peter Ashe?

Flint (2x10): What was the truth, my lord? Why did you betray those closest to you all those years ago? Was it really so small and vile as a bribe? The promise of lording over other men in this place? Or were you simply too weak to say no, too cowardly to do the harder thing and preserve your decency. Tell me It was the latter. Tell me this is all happening because of your cowardice. I could accept that. I might forgive that. ...I s'pose there is my answer. Even in this moment, alone with a condemned man, you are unable to speak the truth.

It's interesting that in Peter's final moments, Flint is still aware he's being lied to.

I go back and forth whether Peter had any inkling that McGraw had become Flint. The news of Thomas' death would have come to Miranda whilst they were living on Nassau. I guess contact would have broken between Miranda/McGraw and Peter sometime after the fact. When Alfred Hamilton was killed by Captain Flint, who also made his home on Nassau, it surely wouldn’t have been that hard to put two and two together, even if Ashe had no concrete proof. For my part, I feel like Peter had considered it a possibility, but hadn't known for sure until Miranda and Flint arrived in Charlestown. There was also the time period of how quickly Flint had appeared after McGraw had arrived on Nassau that Peter seemed incredulous about, which was explained by Flint.

Peter gets very defensive, very quick at the implication he hadn't done right by Thomas.

Miranda (2x09): Tell me, sir, when does the truth about your sins come to light?

Peter: You know nothing of my sins!

---

Peter: Were you there when I visited Thomas at the hospital, to confess my signs and heard him offer his full and true forgiveness? He knew I had no choice in the matter!

Miranda: No choice-!

Peter: A hard choice. Made under great duress, but with the intent to make the least awful outcome. You wish to return to civilization - that's what civilization is!

It's funny, in a television series with a lot of characters that have done horrible things out of necessity or defence, Peter's character is still one I can never truly get a handle on, which is a compliment to both the writing and the actor. I think Peter's intentions were initially good, before greed and fear at the threat of Alfred Hamilton's reach overrode those good intentions. I wonder if McGraw's return from Nassau with the loss of the governor's family was the last straw. If there was some compassion there, and fondness for his friendship with Thomas, I imagine he would have eaten away at Peter - judging by his explosive dialogue, it did. Whether he did something about this guilt is the next question.

Also, the 'least awful outcome' still seems absolutely horrific when Thomas ended up in Bethlem. Somewhat less horrific if he ended up cared for at an estate, but still an ultimately cruel treatment of a man whose only crime was to help others and change the status quo.

As I rambled on above, with north of Spanish Florida comparatively being so close to Charlestown, surely Peter must have known of the estate. Did he create the place himself, and find a man to run it? Was it because he'd heard good things about the reform minded man that he could offer the knowledge to Alfred, to alleviate some of their guilt about the treatment of Thomas? Was it just an estate Thomas was staying at that ultimately became something more?

The following point likely means very little, because if someone is trying to kill me, I'd be telling them to wait, too! Regardless, it is backed into a corner with Flint loose, loss of power, hands up, that Peter pleads, "Wait, James -" before he is stabbed, before everyone's favorite Nation of Thieves cue plays. After that, Peter says no more, and is resigned. If Peter has knowledge of Thomas, it's a final 'fuck you' to Flint to let the knowledge die with him.

Peter(2x09): You and I will sail to London together, then you will stand up and tell your story.

The main negative I can see with Peter knowing Thomas was alive was, after visiting Nassau with Flint, he was going to take him to England to reveal the true story of James McGraw. Whilst Peter no longer has the threat of Alfred Hamilton hanging over his head, it's not unlikely that Thomas wouldn't hear about the Flint reveal eventually, unless the estate he is being held in is very restricted and lacking in news from the outside world. I can't imagine he wouldn't be furious at Peter when he found out about McGraw's judgement, especially if it led to McGraw/Flint being hanged.

The Reform-Minded Man of Mystery.

With the reveal of Thomas wanting to pardon the pirate of Nassau in 2x04, the reformation aspect of Thomas' character particularly apparent, especially with his interactions with McGraw, Alfred Hamilton, and the introduction of Peter Ashe.

Thomas: They're men!

McGraw: They're traitors to the crown!

Thomas: What difference does that make?

McGraw: Makes some difference to the crown-!

Thomas: Just answer me this - would it work?

Excerpts from later in 2x04 with Thomas' dialogue to Alfred:

'I want to put them to work. Tilling, harvesting, coopering, building, smithing, fishing.'

'I intend to secure them pardons. A blanket amnesty for any man that would accept it, in exchange for his allegiance, renunciation of violence, and his labor.'

'This is the solution most likely to lead to our desired result, and it also has the virtue of being the right thing to do.'

'If you do not forgive men their sins, then your father will not forgive your sins!'

Thomas, later at his salon(2x04): Absolution. A clean slate for those wanting to accept it. -- I am committed to this end, but it is a long road, and I will need your help to see it through.

Even after 2x05, when it is revealed of the horrors that occurred in Nassau with the Governor's family, Thomas still doesn't give up on the pirates of Nassau.

Thomas (2x05): The men responsible for this crime deserve to be punished, but we cannot, we must not, allow their actions to condemn the rest.

As @flinthamilton​ pointed out, specifying the 'reform minded man' in Max's exposition dump is very interesting. Going back and note taking the episodes, I was surprise how constant reform and forgiveness was thematically in all of Thomas' dialogue. I'd always knew there was that element to his character, but there was very much more of an emphasis that I'd previously considered. If the man running the estate isn't Thomas, it's ironic that he is 'cared for' by a man with similar motivations.

The comparative vicinity of the estate to Charlestown is circumspect, even if Thomas is kept there, not as the man who runs it. On the hypothetical he's the reform minded man, there are a lot of interesting what-ifs. Did Lord Hamilton buy the estate, did Peter? Was Thomas kept there for awhile, before he thought of some way to stop others suffering similar fates? Taking money from prominent families would cover the cost of running the estate, and pay for the former convicts to be treated well.

It's also fitting that while Thomas couldn't reform and pardon the pirates of Nassau, he was potentially able to help men from England in similar positions. Potentially, Thomas wasn't able to carry out what he'd originally intended, but he was still able to continue his work in another way. Flint desperately tried to carry out Thomas' dream, but it is now above just saving Nassau and going to war with civilization itself.

As a semi-negative to the point, if Thomas was the 'reform minded man', he would have had the autonomy to have met Anne at Port Royal. Considering Port Royal's proximity, one would assume at one point he would have surely gone to Nassau, unless the wound was too raw. I suppose it depends on what he thought the fates of James and Miranda were? If they were told Thomas was dead, I assume he was spun a similar tale. If Thomas didn't know where they were, he could have gone to Nassau and asked around for James McGraw and Miranda Hamilton, but never realizing who James and Miranda now were. It could be probable, as I think they were only known to Nassau as Captain Flint and Mrs Barlow. Did anyone know of their first names outside of each other? Surely someone? Gates? Eleanor? It also depends on where Miranda chose the name 'Barlow' from. If it was her maiden name, Thomas would recognize it. Of course, Thomas could have known they were there all along and chose not to see them, but I can’t really picture that, either, unless he had a lot of guilt about what had happened.

I also can't picture Thomas holding men against their will, maybe more so the troublesome family members than the former convicts. It wouldn't fit for Thomas, and if he'd spent any time in Bethlem at all, surely couldn't do the same thing to another? Maybe there is consent by those that are brought there? It's funny, there is a lot of various ways it could have all come together, but Thomas being the reform minded man Max spoke of is the most intriguing for me of all.

Mr Ashford, I presume?

Peter(4x09):  Abigail, I've made arrangements for you to be shuttled to Savannah today. You'll be taken to Mr Ashford's house.

---

Thomas(2x04): He'll be arriving n less than 2hrs.

James: I'm sorry? Who?

Thomas: The fourth Earl of Ashbourne, Lord Proprietor to the Carolina Colony including the Bahama Islands, and Peer of the Realm - Lord Alfred Hamilton, my father.

Thank you to @flintstruestlove and the ASOIAF forum for floating the idea that Thomas could be Mr Ashford in the first place, and thanks to @flintsredhair​​ for noting that Lord Hamilton was the Earl of Ashbourne, which is a connection to Thomas.

Mr Ashford is certainly an intriguing one, as he was a friend of Peter's that they bothered to give a name, and chose yet another name for a character in Black Sails involving the word 'ash'. He's also someone that Peter found reasonable to send Abigail to in a time of crisis, a Mr Ashford that lives in Savannah....

To be corny and reachy as hell, but ash is also what remains after a fire. To keep the corny/reachy motif running, said fire could have been started by steel ‘n flint. Flint himself being associated with fire is (understandably) a constant motif throughout the series. Even just as of 4x07, Rackham says the Guthries can’t be blamed for wanting Flint dead, as ‘Flint will stop at nothing until the entire West Indies are ablaze.’ It’s probably a lot of reaching, but when it’s all said and done, maybe only ‘ash’ will remain?

...if nothing else, ha, there are quite a few names with ‘ash’ in Black Sails! Like, a lot.

The abrupt disappearance of Abigail Ashe from Black Sails was understandable at the time considering Flint departed Charlestown, but also still feels very jolting considering the amount of time spent to build her as a character. Ultimately, Mr Ashford could in fact be the name of the reform minded man, and not of Thomas. Either way, Thomas and Abigail could potentially be in the vicinity of his each other, and Abigail is in our favorite ominous place ever, Savannah.

To Forgive, But Not To Forget.

I don't want to go into this topic too much, as it's a whole prolonged conversation entirely, but I've seen the odd sentiment that if Flint finds Thomas, Thomas wouldn't want anything to do with him after what Flint has done. That Thomas would want Flint dead. I’ve also seen the odd comment that Thomas would take revenge against Flint himself. Of all of the characters on the show, it has been emphasised over and over again what kind of person Thomas was - hence the whole 'reform minded man' section above. Of course, Thomas wouldn't have stayed completely stagnant as a person during that time, and that the experiences that he went through wouldn’t have affected him - but his capacity for acceptance and forgiveness seems to be a continually emphasised core element to his character. Even with the pirates killing the governor's family, Thomas didn't want the rest of the pirates of Nassau to be tarred with the same brush. (Thomas 2x05: The men responsible for this crime deserve to be punished. But we cannot, we must not allow their actions to condemn the rest.) I always think Thomas is trapped between being a realist and an idealist - he knows the reality of the situation, but wants to push forward anyway in the hope of more. Heartbreakingly, as we saw in 4x08, Flint very, very much carried on his mantle.

Thomas (2x04): If you do not forgive men their sins, than your father will not forgive your sins!

Miranda (2x06): I had a very different life before I came here, a life I shared with my husband. He was a special man, a man of ideas, about the world, about the order of things. Writers, artists, men of science - they'd fill our drawing room night after night to talk and argue. Sometimes just to listen to him. In some ways he was like you, a shepherd to his flock. He would have loved to have met you. Me? You think I can play devil's advocate! Thomas would have played that game with you from dusk until dawn. And everything you hold sacred, he'd leave in tatters. Not from malice or hate, but from love. From a desire to see the yoke of shame lifted from your shoulders.

If there is any character to give Flint some solace or a pardon (ha) at the end of it all, it is more than probable it would be Thomas. Like Miranda and McGraw to Flint, Thomas would have very much changed over the decade, but they were still the same people under it all. From what we've seen and heard of Thomas, and from what has been emphasised over and over again in dialogue, I honestly cannot imagine he'd dismiss Flint so easily as others have considered. It may not be all sunshine and roses, and I would be fascinated to hear Thomas' thoughts on his father and Peter Ashe. Again, Thomas' worst crime was that he wanted to change the status quo and help others, but I imagine he'd also have guilt about being his drive and actions being the catalyst for having Miranda and James sent away.  

A touch of Greek Tragedy.

I've seen people mention that Thomas returning would be too much of a happy ending for Flint. Even if Flint is reunited with Thomas, in some aspects it is even more cruel than if Thomas had stayed dead. For one, Flint has to confront the choices he's made in Thomas' absence upon coming face to face with the man himself. Just consider everything Flint and Miranda suffered for and fought for, thinking Thomas was dead. If it is revealed that Thomas is alive, and potentially so close and accessible the whole time? The guilt, the regret, and the frustration would be monstorous. That's not even considering everyone that suffered and was sacrificed as a proxy of Flint's agony and drive for Thomas and Nassau - the crew, Mr Gates, etc. There is an added punch by just going to Charlestown before Miranda's death, they would have sailed passed the general area on the way. Thomas being alive gives us both a satisfying ending for Flint, but also a deeply tragic one, befitting of the Greek tragedy/poem parallels Black Sails makes throughout.

As Max tries to come to grips with in 4x05: It wasn't supposed to end like this. How could we all have sacrificed so much, and none of us has anything to show for it?

Flint and Miranda fought for and sacrificed so much, and Miranda died because of it, with ultimately very little for Flint to show of it. For Flint to have to come to terms with that, whilst dealing with the fact that Thomas was alive all along? It won't be easy. What they fought for wasn’t for nothing, mind you, as it was Flint and Miranda trying desperately to survive, trying to hold onto Thomas' ideals whilst dealing with the anger and grief over what had befallen them all. But, goddam if that isn't going to hurt for Flint regardless.

[metaphorical-dragons]

fixing star wars episode viii

I am aware this is maybe article number 1 million and ten written over the past 8 months on this film. We’ve had articles praising it and articles critiquing it and articles accusing a haircut of having a secret Illuminati agenda.  But I think I can offer a perspective that is severely under-represented online.  So here goes.

Star Wars Episode VIII:  The Last Jedi is not a perfect film.  This is true.  However, it’s also true of literally any film released since the Lumière brothers were the avant-garde face of cinema.  Apart from Sing Street.  Sing Street is a perfect movie go watch it.

However, it’s also true that Star Wars Episode VIII:  The Last Jedi is a good film.  In fact, it’s a thoroughly enjoyable, beautifully shot, emotionally resonant masterpiece.  And not just surface-level good – its brilliance runs deep enough, thematically, that months after its release, I still feel like I have something new to bring to the table.

A quick disclaimer.  I’m not going to address the fact that many people do not share my unabashed, unending love for this film.  There are plenty of people, much smarter than me, already fighting that battle.  See Shaun’s YouTube video ‘Why I love the Last Jedi’ on the topic.  What follows is my take, pure and simple, on the changes I think could have helped the movie.

OK, prepare to jump to light speed.

Point of contention number one – the political situation in the Galaxy.  I have so many questions, and yes, maybe they are answered in Wookiepedia articles, but honestly I prefer to soak in my Star Wars through my eyes and my ears and my heart and not through my brain.  How long were the New Republic in power?  What did they control?  What was their relationship to the Resistance?  How was the First Order formed?  What do they control?  These are questions that, in all honesty, should have been answered in The Force Awakens (TFA), before we lost one of these three major players.  But that doesn’t let The Last Jedi (TLJ) off the hook.

We know why, of course. It’s because one of the lessons Lucasfilm has taken from the fan reaction to the prequel series is that the people are simply uninterested in the politics, at least insomuch as it relates to the Skywalker Saga.   Maybe true, probably not.  As usual, Hollywood has decided to blame the plot elements of the movie instead of admitting that, well, they may have made a bad movie.  But at least a basic grounding in the state of things is vital to understanding the plot of these films, which, after all, are at least superficially about an ideological conflict on a galactic scale.

And really, there is no excuse when every single film opens with a huge block of text perfect for getting exposition out of the way.  So our easy fix here is modifying the opening crawl of TFA, which hopefully should free both films from the lingering confusion.

 Done, dusted and onto issue number two – the pacing.  With a running time of 151 minutes, it’s a testament to Rian Johnson’s engaging screenplay that at no point in the film do those minutes seem to drag by.  And he had a harder job than JJ Abrams – it is one job to keep things tight in a rip-rolling adventure romp, where as soon as one scene finishes, it’s a wipe transition into another action set-piece. Quite another in a film that allows slightly more breathing space for contemplation and internal conflict.  TFA is a boisterous, excitable 11 year old of a movie, whereas TLJ is a more broody, introspective, but also more mature teenager.

That being said, if ever you were tempted to check your watch or stretch your legs or bake a pavlova or finish your dissertation on the economics of llama farming, I would wager you would take the opportunity at around the 54 minute mark – the first appearance of Canto Bight into the B-plot of the movie.

The entire B-plot of the film is based around the contrivance of a game of cat and mouse between two enemy starships.  Except this chase takes place over 18 hours.  Which makes it difficult to develop a sense of urgency when the occupants literally have time to watch all of the Lord of the Rings Extended Editions and make a good start on the Hobbit.  If we can’t rely on urgency – we at least need inevitability.  But sending characters on a side-mission to another planet really undercuts any tension and claustrophobia that has painstakingly been established here.  

What I propose here is not quite as radical as your imagining.  We are keeping many elements of this much maligned plot-tangent exactly the same.  Instead, our fix is simply to make this the opening scene:

The mission is Resistance-mandated:  free DJ from jail.  There is no misdirect here – DJ is the code-breaker.  It doesn’t really matter why he is necessary – maybe to sell weapons or ships, maybe for his knowledge of the First Order technology.  In any case, Poe and Finn, who are tasked with this mission, don’t really need to know that.  Poe is under instruction to retrieve DJ, then drop Finn off to go and look for Rey. Unfortunately, this last part doesn’t play out – Poe receives a distress call so they have to return immediately to the Resistance fleet.  The First Order has tracked them through light-speed and they are under attack. Cue the original opening sequence.

Allow me to fight my corner:

1 All necessary set-up can be provided in the opening crawl.  Which gets rid of the un-necessary and frankly un-nerving Maz Kanata cameo.

2 This gives the opportunity to send Poe with Finn, instead of Rose.  A favourite pairing from TFA gets more screen time together.  Seeing as Rey doesn’t meet Poe until literally the end of this film, it is important that the other two sides of the triangle formed with our original characters are strong by the end of TLJ.

3 This gives the chance to strengthen Finn’s character arc.  This way, his growth from sceptic to revolutionary is pulled into focus. Despite the injustices he witnesses on Canto Bight, he follows DJ’s advice of impartiality and tries to abandon ship.  Enter Rose.

4 The fact that DJ works for both sides can play as a reveal to Poe, so he is surprised when he realises Holdo is already aware of this.  This gives Poe more reason to be distrustful of Holdo.

5 It is important thematically that Rey, Poe, Finn and Rose are all given roughly equal heroic treatment. However, in the current situation, Rey is veering uncomfortably close to becoming a ‘chosen one’.   This streamlined B-plot helps to slightly redress the imbalance.

And finally – issue number three – Rose.  Not Rose as in her character – she is set up to introduce an interesting dynamic to our leads.  Not Rose as in Kelly Marie Tran’s performance - she brings energy and warmth and spunk to every scene she is in and I will not hear a word against her goddamn it. Instead, the problem lies in how Rose is treated within the screenplay.  She has plenty to do, but most is inconsequential, and the rest is poorly executed.  This is where I would recommend the biggest changes.

Rose is a lover, not a fighter.  And by lover I of course mean mechanic.  Give her a chance to utilise her skills.  Obviously, if everything had gone to plan she would have disabled the light-speed tracker. But it didn’t and she doesn’t. There needs to be another opportunity for Rose to display her talents.  My personal suggestion?  See those speeder things?  This planet was abandoned.  I’m very doubtful those speeders were in battle ready condition when the Resistance arrived.  Give Rose a quick montage of turning a whole heap of junk into a somewhat driveable speeder.

And then don’t make her drive one!  Let’s have some diversity in our leads!  Not like racial diversity, although that’s also a bonus.  No, I’m talking diversity in character traits.  And it is there already, I just think there would be stronger differentiation if we give Rose more of a behind-the-scenes role vis-à-vis action scenes.

What about knock-on consequences I hear you cry?  What would happen to Finn?  It doesn’t really matter – any old plot contrivance.  Have the Falcon reappear and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way. Have one of the ATATs actually aim on target and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way.  Have a giant teleporting Wookie materialise and knock Finn’s speeder out of the way.  Pick any of the above, or all of them, I literally do not care.

As a side note, I think this could also help streamline the overall thematic texture of the film.  We are definitely being sent mixed messages regarding the ethics of personal sacrifice for a military cause.  Paige’s sacrifice is brave and good.  Holdo’s sacrifice is brave and good.  Finn’s sacrifice is brave but stupid.  And that subtext is largely down to one line. ‘That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate but saving what we love.’  Yes, I know that this is Rose talking and her views on the matter have likely been strongly influenced by the death of her sister in a very similar situation at the start of the film and this line was likely not meant to be interpreted as a mission statement.  But it still reads like that because of the language of the film-making.  Everything about this scene – the swelling score and the fiery back-lighting and the intense close-up is telling the audience that this line is of critical importance.

If Finn has to make his way back to the base before reuniting with Rose, there’s a beat in the screenplay which ensures Finn’s heroism is not undercut. Rose still gets the character depth coming from that line-reading.  And the viewer gets to understand that this is a statement coming from a character and not the screenplay itself.  Hell, she can even kiss Finn if that’s what the screen-writers want and I wouldn’t complain.

And there we have it - that is as much as I am prepared to dump on The Last Jedi.  Although I sincerely believe these few changes could transform The Last Jedi into a pretty-much flawless film, we all have to remember that the film has already been released and established in the canon, and barring a George Lucas-esque rework, it will remain that way.  This is Rian Johnson’s film, through and through, and in my humble opinion it is a masterpiece.  It is much, much easier to come up with a couple fix-all solutions after the fact (and even easier 8 months after) than to write an entire script from scratch.

That being said, please hire me Disney 😊

[takenews-blog1]

All 49 ‘Recreation of Thrones’ Major Characters, Ranked Worst to Greatest (Pictures)

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All 49 ‘Recreation of Thrones’ Major Characters, Ranked Worst to Greatest (Pictures)

  “Recreation of Thrones” has quite a lot of characters, and too many to rank. So we’re simply going to concentrate on the 49 characters who’re or had been an important, in our humble opinion. For those who do not like our record, Littlefinger will poison your wedding ceremony cake. (Many spoilers, clearly.)

49. Viserys Targaryan A complete jackass, Viserys had possibly the perfect loss of life in the entire sequence: having molten gold dumped on his head.

48. Rickon Who? (I really feel dangerous for this joke after season 6, however I’ll go away it)

47. Robb Stark The Crimson Marriage ceremony was a coming of age for viewers of the present. Rewatching these early seasons realizing that is gonna occur exposes Robb for the lame dude he actually is.

46. Stannis Principally a stodgy, moralistic Southern Baptist minister. I am from Alabama, so I used to be pulling for him.

45. Bran Stark Must work on his pouty face and develop out his hair if he desires to be the brand new Jon Snow.

44. Roose Bolton He is just like the Rely Dooku of this present, appearing like he is working for himself although he is actually only a pawn who most likely will get his head minimize off by younger Darth Vader.

43. Daario Was a scorching blond dude, however now (after a casting change) is only a repeatedly engaging brown-haired dude who was banished from Dany’s mattress as a result of who cares about love anyway?

42. Ned Stark The Mark Twain of the present, giving his youngsters a bunch of recommendation that wasn’t truly helpful earlier than he obtained murdered. Wait, how did Mark Twain die? This analogy might not observe all the way in which however no matter.

41. Joffrey Oh man. Keep in mind that time the cake was too dry and it made his eyes bug out and his face flip purple and he spit foamy crimson drool in every single place? Hilarious.

40. Shae Did what she wanted to outlive, till it turned out doing what she wanted to do to outlive (hooking up with Tywin Lannister) obtained her killed.

39. Tommen Not probably the most decisive king, both earlier than or after he had intercourse. However he is higher than Joffrey, I assume.

38. Khal Drogo Obtained fridged for the sake of Daenerys’ character arc. Lovely.

37. Gendry Melisandre put a leech on his penis one time. It appears like that is all I ought to put right here.

36. Theon I am nonetheless pulling for his post-castration energy play. Or for him to only get killed already.

35. Jorah Mormont Actually unhappy as a result of he nonetheless cannot afford to purchase Khaleesi’s love.

34. King Robert In all probability probably the most chill and carefree character on the present, drunk more often than not, yelling quite a bit though he actually did not have any issues. Nicely, till that point he drank an excessive amount of and obtained killed by a boar.

33. Ramsey Bolton Is Ramsey probably the most demented dude on this present? Nicely, he is undoubtedly the funniest demented dude, which is not truly humorous in any respect when you concentrate on it.

32. Catelyn Stark Loses to the Lannisters each within the Recreation of Thrones and the Recreation of Angsty Overprotective Mothers.

31. Talisa Stark Each joke that involves thoughts is way too reprehensible even for a “Recreation of Thrones” record, so I am not going to place one right here.

30. Sam An enormous nerd who predictably finds love in a home of someone else’s daughter-wives.

29. Lord Commander Mormont Died as a result of Sam discovered love in a home of someone else’s daughter-wives.

28. Ygritte A marksman with a bow, liked Jon Snow, killed by a baby. She was principally an viewers surrogate.

27. Gilly Would not know something apart from all of the stuff Sam does not know the best way to do. Which is most issues.

26. The Excessive Sparrow He tried pulling an enormous superior gambit, however in the end he was not ready for the Recreation in addition to he thought, judging by how laborious Cersei outplayed him.

25. Crimson Viper His irascible lust distracted him from delivering the killing blow in opposition to the Mountain. He can be a lot, a lot increased on this record had been it not for that obvious oversight.

24. The Hound Killed the butcher’s boy, then spent a number of seasons saying plenty of imply issues earlier than being left to die on a rock. If his redemption arc goes effectively he would possibly get a bump.

23. Jaime Lannister Can I make a joke about masturbating together with your off hand? There’s nothing in our model information about that. Anyway, the place’s the scene the place Jaime discovered how to do this?

22. Jaqen H’ghar Speaks in riddles, has many faces (and lots of our bodies), and set Arya on the trail to dropping her eyesight though he would have been burned alive if she hadn’t saved him. What a clown.

21. Tywin Lannister Was killed by his hated dwarf son. Precisely what he deserved, although I secretly hoped he would sooner or later simply be good to his youngsters.

20. Ellaria Sand Dedicated one of many best and most upsetting murders on the entire present.

19. Tormund Giantsbane Has an ideal identify, homicide in his coronary heart and an enormous lovely crimson beard. Additionally he was in “Destiny of the Livid,” the newest film in my favourite movie franchise. What’s to not like?

18. Jon Snow Nicely, he is lifeless. King of the lifeless ones. Undoubtedly not coming again ever. Not lifeless. Murdered a very irritating character. May stand to be much less good, although.

17. Euron Greyjoy We won’t assist however admire the (no pun supposed) pleasure with which Euron enacts his villainy. “I AM THE STORM!” Hahaha.

16. Hodor Shoulda been named “Meme.” (One other joke I really feel about dangerous about after season 6. I moved him method up in compensation.)

15. Margaery Tyrell Delightfully passive-aggressive towards Cersei on a regular basis. Certain, she was killed horribly by Cersei as a result of she made a basic “Recreation of Thrones” miscalculation — and I actually ought to bump her down for that — however, nah, she was an excessive amount of enjoyable.

14. Brienne Tall, kills quite a lot of males, is single and celibate, takes no crap from anybody and does not play the sport. An ideal counter to principally the whole lot else on “Recreation of Thrones.”

13. Tyrion Lannister Thinks together with his penis. Which is okay as a result of his penis is so sensible.

12. Varys Barely smarter than Tyrion as a result of he does not have a penis.

11. Melisandre A lot of folks assume of Melisandre because the “attractive” foremost character, however she’s truly the “terrifying” foremost character. Keep in mind that time she burned a baby alive? That sucked. Now she suffers for it, lastly, however she’ll most likely be again to do one thing superb. Nonetheless ready, although.

10. Missandei “All males should die. However we aren’t males.” Any questions?

9. Davos Seaworth Simply the MVP of season 7.

eight. Littlefinger In all probability the neatest character on the present, however makes use of all that brainpower for evil. So he is nice, is what I am saying.

7. Daenerys Commits many of the finest murders on the present, because of these dragons and her invulnerability to fireside. and so they’re often justified. Huge bonus factors for that.

6. Arya Stark By no means underestimate this faceless girl.

5. Olenna Tyrell Makes an ideal joke about ineffective genitals, and continually talks smack about everybody. And she or he obtained absolutely the final phrase in her loss of life scene. My dream girl.

four. Sansa Stark A whole lot of viewers nonetheless underestimate right here even now in season 7, pondering she’s taking part in proper into Littlefinger’s hand reasonably than having her personal plan for coping with his machinations. Ludicrous.

three. Bronn Enters the present in probably the most “Recreation of Thrones” method potential: by stepping out of the background of a scene to kill a man for Tyrion.

2. Gray Worm Simply the perfect. Unhappy as a result of his life sucks. Badass who kills quite a lot of his issues. Communicates quite a bit with out saying a lot. Gray Worm looks like the form of tragic “Recreation of Thrones” character who’s going to have a quick second of triumph earlier than getting slaughtered. I hope that triumph is actually good.

1. Cersei Yeah, she’s a horrible individual, however she’s the product of a horrible father and horrible setting. Via season 7, although, she’s been higher than everybody else at taking part in the sport, though each transfer she’s made has had some form of terrible unintentional consequence for folks she cares about. We’ll see if she will be able to keep this spot because the endgame approaches, nonetheless.

[canaryatlaw]

alright. so today. pretty good. I forget what time exactly I got up, it was around 11:30ish. our dopey golden retriever, who’s not supposed to be upstairs, nudged the door open to get into my room, and then the door closed behind him and he couldn’t get out, so he started barking and I’m like BUDDY I’M TRYING TO SLEEP but I had to get up and let him out, so I was pretty much awake from then on. Had a bagel for breakfast because New York, then started working on editing my poverty law final before sending it in. I didn’t end up changing too much, just edited a few words and added an additional sentence here and there. It ended up being 13 1/2 pages, and I was pretty satisfied with it, especially given how troubled I was about the first question. so I sent it in and was officially done with the semester 🙌🏻 fucking finally, although last year at this time I was still in Chi taking my last final, so I’m glad I got an extra week at home, even if I had to work through some of it. Around 3 or so I headed out to Sally’s quickly because I need to dye my hair again soon (last time I did it was mid-October, and the color is still holding pretty good but my roots are grown out quite a bit) and I needed more developer. Accomplished that rather quickly, then headed to Target to accomplish a few things, namely to pick up a prescription, try to find a few more clothing items because I’ve realized the amount of clothing I brought on this trip is sorely inadequate to what I needed, and then get snacks and drinks because our house never has either. Prescription was easy enough, went to the clothing section and snagged a justice league t-shirt, but then saw these awesome gryffindor and wonder woman jacket and sweatpants set and they were SO great but of course they were all primarily made out of polyester so I couldn’t get any of them (though maybe that’s a good thing, because I would’ve been way too tempted to buy all of them, and lord knows I don’t actually need more clothing). I picked up a few pairs of yoga pants/more sturdy leggings that should be of help in the coming days. Then I headed to the food section and stocked up on snacks before heading home. Had dinner, then started making the dough for the gingerbread cookies I’m making, because it has to be refrigerated over night. I’ve used this recipe for the last two years and it’s consistently very good, the original calls for a full tablespoon of both ground ginger and cinnamon, and they are a bit bitey, so I prefer to make them with half a tablespoon of each which still has plenty of spice but isn’t quite so powerful. That didn’t take too long, and I just chilled out for a bit afterwards before deciding to do some prep for another set of cookies I can hopefully make tomorrow. This recipe called for oreo cookie butter, which, as the name suggests, is the oreo version of the biscoff based cookie butter every knows and loves by now, so I went to make that. I had seen several recipes floating around a while back that can basically be used for any type of cookie, generally blended with oil of some sort. a lot of them used coconut oil, but I really don’t like the taste of coconut oil, so I searched for a different one and wound up with one that used shortening (which worked because I already had to buy it for a different part of this recipe). so I dumped it all in the food processor, and it took a while and a bit of encouragement, but it came out quite nicely. Hopefully I’ll be able to get both batches of cookies done tomorrow, and hopefully start doing some exercising now that I’m actually done with finals. the rest of the night i just kind of hung out, and when nobody was around I turned on the mid-season finale of Designated Survivor from last week that I missed, and WOW DO I HAVE FEELINGS. first off, the medical neglect of a child from a religious perspective of course pissed me off for obvious reasons, and I’m of course bothered by the idea that it pushes forth that children are basically property of their parents whom the parents can do whatever they want to, even if it results in their death (also, I really don’t understand the biblical extrapolation that would lead one to believe the bible condemns blood transfusions??? like that’s some serious twisting of scripture right there). but at least that was solved perfectly because Kirkman is the bomb, but then of course there was the ending, where (spoiler ahead, obviously) the first lady was unceremoniously killed in a car accident and I was just....ugh!!!! I was really mad, because I LOVED Alex as a character, she was such a kickass female lawyer who got shit done and I’m really sad to lose her. I’m sure they’ll get some good plot lines out of it as a result, and I did read that it was because the actress wanted to take another opportunity, so I can’t be too mad at the showrunners about that. poor Kirkman, though. that’s awful. I hope it means we get to see more of the kids at least now, because I miss them being around. Anyway, by the end my dad was watching it with me, and when it was over he suggested we watch some superheroes (he’s a super casual viewer of Supergirl and Flash, and hadn’t watched anything since we watched a few Supergirl episodes over thanksgiving) so I started showing him the crossover, and we got through the first two episodes. I was interested to see how he’d react, and I brought up a few comments about how some people were not pleased with the plotline. my dad was born in 1946 (yeah, he’s old, I know), literally right after world war II ended, and when his father returned after fighting against the nazis. he didn’t seem to bothered by it though, he just kinda said “bad guys are bad guys” which I guess is how he sees it. I definitely was laughing to myself a LOT during the early Alex and Sara scenes, because I know that makes him feel so uncomfortable and I derive much entertainment from that, lol. but yeah, watched the first two episodes and we’ll probably pick up with the last two tomorrow night (when I’ll get to see him react to Leo and the Ray, which should be very entertaining). And yeah, then I went upstairs and started getting ready for bed, and here we are. At some point during the day my throat became really raw and I started coughing a bit, definitely not bronchitis level coughing (yet, anyway) but it’s like I have to be very conscious of my breathing so I don’t irritate it and set off another coughing fit. sigh. hopefully it’ll pass soon. Anyway, it’s past 2 am now, so I think it’s time I went to bed. Goodnight my dearies. Talk to you soon.