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the1975attheirverybest · 9 months

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Okay okay okay thank you so much genuinely 😭 so a tiny bit of context, I'll elaborate further in another message if you want, but me and my best friend (both girls btw) dated...last year? some drama happened, we split up, we got back together, wash rinse repeat until i decided i was done with it and moved on (but we're still trying to be best friends-) and now, 2 months later, I'm dating this really nice guy and she's being so off with me like jesus 😭 that wouldn't bother me so much but she keeps hassling me and saying I'm "being a bad friend" because...I'm not showing her pictures of my boyfriend or letting her meet him, but in my defense, she's acting hella toxic recently and i genuinely fear for how things will go if i let those two worlds collide 😅 so i was just wondering, finally getting to the point, is that like...weird of me? To just not let her see him or anything? Idk, i feel like a sketchy douche in a way, but also...i don't feel like she deserves to meet him tbh with how she talks about him 😭 sorry it's so long, i really really hope that made sense 😭🙌 if it didn't, feel free to move on, tysm for considering though

Awww, I’m so sorry, friend. That’s a lot to process, so just take a moment and breathe. I’m sorry your friend is struggling to respect your new relationship.

Not knowing the details, I guess I wanna ask if you think she’s doing this out of malice or maybe in a misguide attempt at getting your attention? Like, you mentioned her saying that you’re “being a bad friend.” Is it possible she’s projecting this into the issue of not letting her meet your new bf when she actually feels this way for some other reason? Maybe about how things ended between you two, or about something else that’s made her feel neglected or less valued in your friendship? Obviously, if that’s the case, it’s really unfair of her to lash out instead of talking to you about it. But perhaps there’s something more going on with her and her being weird about your bf is just the surface?

No, I totally understand you wanting to protect your new relationship. Especially if you get the sense that she may not treat your bf with respect. I wouldn’t want my partner or my friend to be put in this kind of situation, either. Ultimately, it’s up to you whether you want them to meet at all or not, and she’s going to have to find a way to either respect that, or move on.

I guess, what I’m hearing, though, is that there might more going on in her mind, and I’m wondering if you consider her close / important enough to try to figure that part out. If so, it might be worth a conversation. Trying to be friends with an ex (which sounds like what’s going between you and her?) can be very tricky. It doesn’t work out for the majority of folks. But, even when it does work out, it can take a bit of time to adjust to the idea of your ex being with someone new. She might be having some unresolved feelings? Or struggling to figure out what the boundaries are now that you guys are no longer together? You went from friends to dating, to now, friends again. That can be hard on both of you! Do you think you’d like to talk to her about that? Maybe figure out what’s driving her behavior and why she’s not being nice about your bf? Especially if she hasn’t even met him. Like does she have bad feelings about the idea of you dating anyone at all? Or are there things that you’ve told her about this guy that make her dislike him? Maybe she’s not communicating properly, and perhaps clearing the air would be good?

No pressure though. You have to do what you need to do to protect yourself and your peace of mind. Just my two cents of course. Hope this helps 🩷

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