#Asher Rayleigh Hyde

[amuhav]

8:30am - Breakfast.

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[amuhav]

     “You’re not... Not gonna...”      “What? Go? Just leave?” Asher chuckled weakly. “Please tell me that’s not what you thought?”      “N-no? I don’t know...” Loch drew his arms in tighter as a light spring breeze made him shiver. “It’s... I’m never going to be enough.”      Asher scowled. “Says who? I never... I’ve never said that, Loch, ever.”      “If I can’t give you what you want... it’s just a fact.”      “What? No, Loch, I... fucking hell. No.”       As Asher ran his hands through his hair, Loch watched in confusion as multiple expressions flickered over his face until he sighed and took Loch’s hands with a reassuring squeeze.      “I don’t know how you don’t get this already, but... If a chance at something I would like, meant giving up something I can’t lose... I don’t know which universe you think I don’t choose you. Every damn time. I love you far too much for that not to be true.”      Some dam inside him broke, though Loch didn’t feel the tears coming before it was too late and Asher was already pulling him into a tight embrace.      “Hey, I’m sorry if I ever let you think otherwise—”      “You’re so stupid,” Loch spluttered, unable to stop himself. Whatever adrenaline had kept him from breaking down, had also apparently been the thing tethering him to something resembling sobriety, and he felt any filter he possessed slipping away.      Asher locked up around him, his arms going stiff. “...Uh...?”      “I’m just me. A... A fucking mess. You say that like I’m not... Like... There’s just no other explanation. You’re just stupid.”      Asher laughed, no small amount of tension falling away from him as he did. “Yeah. Yeah, guess I am. But so are you.” He laughed harder. “And so very, very drunk. Your brother really is going to regret that free bar, isn’t he?”      “Serves him right,” Loch muttered with little malice, scrubbing his face as he allowed Asher to lead him back inside. “...One more drink?”      “Absolutely fucking not.”

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[amuhav]

     Loch bit his lip hard, wishing he’d just taken Asher’s offer to drop the conversation, wishing he could have dragged it out for even just one more day.       “I’m sorry,” he whispered as Asher stepped closer.      “I know.”      “I love you so much.” His voice trembled.      “I know that too.”      Loch knew he could make all this disappear for good—surprise Asher and give him everything he wanted with one short sentence. He also knew he wouldn’t be able to take it back. Especially right now, when it was clear Asher had resigned himself to hearing the opposite. There would be no coming back from that. He couldn’t do it. Even if it meant losing everything.      “I... I don’t want children.”       ...Why didn’t that feel right? He knew he already had doubts, but now that he’d finally said it out loud, it sounded even more wrong, a lie to his own ears. Still, it felt kinder than whatever the far more complicated truth was.      Asher breathed deeply and, with a voice that almost didn’t crack at all, answered softly, “I know.”      Loch looked up hesitantly to meet his eye. There was a sadness there, but it wasn’t overwhelming; more of a heavy-hearted acceptance. Though it clearly didn’t come easy, Asher smiled softly at him.      “N-now what?” Loch asked.      “Hm? What do you mean?”      “Wh-what happens now?”      Asher chuckled weakly. “Nothing? What did you expect?”      “...Questions? I-I don’t know. Negotiation? Something?”      Asher sighed awkwardly. “Maybe, some time ago, I might have tried. But... ‘why’ doesn’t matter. You made up your mind a long time ago, I think. I... Sometimes I tricked myself into thinking you might not have, even though deep down I knew. I never meant to pressure you, I swear, and I’m sorry. It’s just, when you don’t have an answer, it’s hard not to see every little thing as a sign that maybe...” He shook himself. “Anyway. I don’t think drunk you has the capacity to explain, and drunk me certainly can’t take it all in. So. You want to explain sometime, I’ll listen. Until then...”

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[amuhav]

     “I wasn’t upset you didn’t tell me. I wasn’t even upset about the real reason you didn’t tell me. I was hurt...” Asher paused, looking upwards as he drew in a breath to bring his tone back to something more neutral. “I was hurt because you think that’s a way to not talk about the real problem. I’m hurt you think avoiding reality is a way to avoid answering a question I haven’t even asked. Haven't been allowed to ask. You think because you don’t say it, not only do you not have to face it, but I won’t, and that’s... that’s just not how that works, Loch.”      Loch dropped his eyes to the ground, stomach churning.      “We keep circling like it will just resolve itself, but we’re making ourselves miserable pretending this doesn’t exist. It’s not just you; I know I’ve not pushed harder in the hope the outcome might change. But you’re walking on eggshells of your own making, and I’m tired of tiptoeing around so you don’t have to break them. Tired of my mind tricking me that them still being unbroken means something. So just... do it already. Just break them.”

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[amuhav]

     “I am sorry.”      “I know.”      “No, I mean...” Loch faltered, fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt.      “I know.” Asher broke eye contact, drawing a deep breath. “I’m not mad you didn’t tell me...”      It didn’t require sober clarity to notice the unsaid ‘but’ as he trailed off.      “But you are still mad?” Loch asked quietly.      “No. I’m not.” With a brittle smile, Asher returned his gaze to Loch. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. It was stupid. This isn’t the time or place. I know that.”      Loch shifted wordlessly. He could have dealt with anger, or even bitterness. Something to push against. Anything that backed him into a corner. Anything that... that made Asher the unreasonable one.      Ew. That wasn’t a comfortable thought.      “Then... why?” Loch bit his lip, not even sure why he was pushing.      Asher regarded him silently for a while, his expression now blank. “We both know the problem. We don’t have to do this right now,” he eventually said, his tone measured. “A plush, really high-thread-count hotel bed we’re not even paying for is waiting upstairs. We can do this when we’re home. And sober.”      When Loch didn’t respond, Asher sighed wearily.      “Fine.” 

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[amuhav]

     “You okay?”      Loch pinched his eyes closed tighter. While, for the most part, it was comforting to know that Asher would put things on hold to ensure he was okay, there were times when it was too much. Times when, actually, Loch needed to feel... Upset? Frustrated? Hell, even a panicked freakout once in a while, without the added layer of feeling guilty for making his partner worry.       “I’m fine. Just...” He sighed. “Drunk.”      A half-amused exhale. “Shocking.”      Loch turned to see Asher not looking particularly sober himself. To Loch’s surprise, he didn’t look too upset either, with a thin smile upon his face.       “I’m... sorry?”      Asher raised a brow. “What for?”      Loch hesitated. “Not... telling you?”      Asher shrugged. “You were right; not your secret to tell.”      That wasn’t what he expected. Loch frowned. “...Are you okay?”      “Why wouldn’t I be?”      Ah. There it was, under that almost easygoing mask. Not resentment, at least, not aimed in Loch’s direction. A dejected disappointment, not just at Loch, but turned inwards. Regret. Loch squirmed; that didn’t exactly make him feel any better.

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[amuhav]

Ceremony.

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[amuhav]

     “Then what were you trying to hide?” Asher prodded Loch in the arm. Flashing Sylvie another dirty look, he smiled stiffly at Asher.       “Nothing.”      “Loch—”      “Chad’s pregnant too,” Sylvie cut in matter-of-factly, gesturing at the party around them, adding in a sing-song voice, “Hey little sister, shotguuun.”      “It’s a...” Asher blinked. “Chad’s...”      His eyes strayed over to where Chad and River were working their way around the room, then to Loch glaring at Sylvie.       “I. See.” Asher shook himself and stood abruptly. “Well, I can still drink. Think I’ll... go do that.”      “Ash, wait...” Loch stopped, heart dropping as he watched him leave. Sure following would only make things worse, he slumped back into his seat and buried his face in his hands with a groan. “Fuck.”      Sylvie’s smile vanished. “Did I screw up?”      “A touch,” Loch grumbled, though with little bitterness.       “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Are... are you in trouble?”      Loch scoffed behind his hands. “Always.” He groaned again and lifted his head. “Not your fault. I should’ve told him right away.”      “I... don’t really understand.”      “Ash... wants kids. Always has.”      “Oh. And... you...?”      “Don’t.” Loch sighed. “I don’t. Know. I don’t... think I do. Didn’t. Think I did.” He sighed, heavier. “I dunno.”     “Ah.” Sylvie nodded. “Oof.”     Loch laughed joylessly. “Yeah, ‘oof’.”

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[amuhav]

     “I dunno. Riv’s never been one for thinking ahead. Maybe they have no plan at all.”      “Yes, but surely Chad—”      “Are you two ever not gossiping?” Asher dropped into the seat beside Loch, laughing as the pair startled.       “W-we’re not—”      “Of course not, dear.” Amused, Asher shook his head. “Care to share with the class?”      “He doesn’t know?” Sylvie asked, and Loch shot her an unimpressed look.       “No, but well done.”      “Oop.”      “Well, now you definitely have to share.”      Loch sighed. “It’s really not my place...”      “Like that ever stops you.” Asher paused, scrutinising the pair’s drinks. He lifted Loch’s and sniffed curiously. “Forgot your ID, dear?” Asher laughed when Loch shot him a snarky look, eyes narrowed. “No alcohol... Wow, you’re really tryna keep something quiet, huh?”      Quickly averting his eyes, Loch snatched back the glass of soft drink, fidgeting with it.      “So, how far along?”      Loch froze. Had Ash known this whole time? He glanced up sheepishly, only to be even more confused as Asher’s amusement was aimed not at him, but at Sylvie.      “Oh, you shit.” Sylvie laughed, her mischievous smile still in place. Loch looked back and forth at the two of them in turn. “And I really thought I was going to get away with it, too.”      “Well, congrats anyway.”      “...You’re kidding...”      Asher tilted his head. “You... didn’t know?”      Loch scowled silently at Sylvie, and she gave him a somewhat apologetic shrug. “I only found out this week myself.”

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[amuhav]

All the even questions of the Edgy/misc OC ask meme for Ash please.

What's something about your OC that people wouldn't expect just from looking at them?

I don't think there's much hidden about Ash, he is for the most part as he seems. Maybe that he's capable of holding grudges for a long time, since he doesn't seem the type? He appears more laid back than he really is.

When scared, does your OC fight, flee, freeze or fawn?

His default is to Freeze or Fawn. He only fights when he's angry or upset, but scared... yeeeeeah........ 😶

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Not tooooooo easily? At least, not so much nowadays. Unfortunately in a relationship that breaks down quite a bit, but otherwise he has a pretty strong set of principles.

Would your OC ostensibly be able to get away with murder?

lmao no. I think he could believe he could, in the right circumstances, but Ash would either get himself caught or just hand himself in, no way he could live with it let alone not crack under pressure.

What's an AU that would be interesting to explore with your OC?

well, he is already in my apocalypse-style AU, where he's... not that different, but also quite different lol. He's definitely a more active participant in the toxicness that is him and Loch, for one. He's less of a passive, lovesick puppy and more aware. He's not the one doing the chasing this time, and tbh, after their teen relationship, he doesn't really ever try to convince himself it's love. But he lets Loch catch him sometimes because, tbh, he doesn't really have much else.

Is your OC self-destructive? In what ways?

Yes and no. He doesn't really go out of his way to damage himself, but he allows himself to be taken advantage of, to be led into doing himself harm. And there are times when his self-worth has taken enough of a beating that he does do stupid things, like sleeping with Finn the first time just because fuck it, he'd already had a one-night stand, might as well have another right?

How does your OC want to be seen by other characters?

I don't know that he much cares what people think of him, other than as a good person I suppose.

What is your OC's pain tolerance like?

Not that high tbh, but he's not really a baby about pain either. Like if either of them is gonna be dramatic about stubbing their toe or something, it's gonna be Loch lmao.

Is your OC more cold and detached or up close and personal?

Close and personal, though only with those closest to him. He's not cold or detached with others, he's just not particularly extroverted.

Does your OC have a tendency to get jealous? If so, how does this manifest?

Yep. As we know lol. ~trust issues~ from Finn's infidelity have him freaking out over things that shouldn't be a problem, or reacting to things that shouldn't be a big deal, but he is getting much better about it.

What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

I actually hate this question SO MUCH because the alignment chart is so fuckin RIGID and ordinary people don't really fall into such unnuanced categories, but I GUESS Neutral Good. In the sort of passively good way. Like he's not out there doing good deeds for the sake of it, but he will usually choose to be a good person when it matters.

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Things would have gone very differently for him had he never dated Loch, but unless he found someone much like himself, I could see him getting himself hurt eventually anyway. He throws himself into relationships and puts too much of himself into them, and it's an easy thing for someone to take advantage of. Like, for example, even if he hadn't slept with Loch that one night, okay he may not have immediately jumped into bed with Finn, but... I don't know that he wouldn't have been caught in that web later down the line anyway. Finn's good at spotting an easy mark, and Ash would have presented a good target whether vulnerable at the time or not.

[amuhav]

     “Yeah, okay. And congrats again,” Loch said with as much joviality as he could muster whilst rubbing his temple irritably. As Asher stepped into the room, Loch felt his stomach drop further. “Speak soon. Yeah, yeah, love you too. Okay, bye.”      “Congrats?” Asher asked with a curious smile as Loch hastily ended the call. “What’s happening?”      “...River proposed to Chad last night.”      “Oh.” Asher contemplated the surprise for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, that’s nice. Good for them.”      Loch waited, watching for any micro-reaction behind the seemingly genuine cheerful one.      “Why tell you over the phone, though? I’m surprised he didn’t want to tell everyone over dinner or something.”      “Uh... yeah. Thing is, he wanted to get the news out as soon as possible.”      “Oh?”      “They’ve set a date.”      “Oh?”      “Next month.”      “What?!”      “Yeah.”      “...Jeez.”      Waiting for the potential penny to drop, Loch held his breath, but Asher seemed only mildly surprised once again.      “Huh. Guess I’ll have to see if I have a suit that still fits. You?”      “Huh? Uh, n-no, no, I definitely don’t. I-I’ll have to get one.”       Asher scanned his face with concern. “You okay? You seem kinda thrown?”       “Uh, yeah, it’s just really sudden.”      “It’s your brother. Are you really that surprised?” Asher chuckled softly. “Sudden rash decisions are his speciality. I’m only surprised Chad’s going along with it.”      “Yeah...”

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[amuhav]

     Loch leant in the doorway, chuckling as Heaven ignored his presence and made a beeline for his partner instead.      “Has River told you yet?” Bay said once the toddler had speedily led Asher away.      “Yep.”       Bay shook his head incredulously. “What on earth is he thinking?”       “To be fair, it shortens the time he can go full groomzilla.”      “That’s true.” Bay laughed. “Probably better for Chad, then.”      “Mm,” Loch agreed vaguely. “Think he’s told Sky yet?”      “Oh. Ooooooh, shit. Maybe that’s why he chose to tell us all over the phone.”      Loch chuckled. “She’s gonna be piiiiissed.”      “Ya think? She’s gonna be massive by then.”      “And I thought getting a suit in such a short time was gonna be frustrating.”      “He better have as much chocolate cake available as he can afford. In fact, just make the whole budget the cake and forget the rest. Anyway, I really gotta run. Byyyye!” Bay shouted into the house, laughing as he received an unintelligible farewell noise yelled back in return. “I’ll only be an hour or so. Thanks for this—”      “Yeah, yeah, no worries.” Loch shooed his twin away with promises to not hype his child up, knowing the sooner he left, the sooner he’d take her back.

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[amuhav]

     “You sure you’re okay? Are you worried about River or something?”      “No, no. I just need to get my head around it,” Loch lied, then laughed. “Not that I have much time to do so.”      “We’ll have to go suit shopping soon... Have I ever even seen you in a suit?”      “I think you’d remember if you had.”       Asher smirked. “Mm, I’m not so sure. See, I can definitely imagine you in a suit...”      “Oh, really?” Loch sidled up to him, worries temporarily forgotten. “I can imagine you in a suit, but not for long.”      Asher’s response was cut short by the excited cries of a small child not too far from their window.      “Ahhhhh, crap...”      “Was that... Heaven?” Asher turned to look outside, spotting Bay making his way to the door with the toddler in his arms.      “Yeeeeeah... I forgot I said I’d take Heaven for a bit this morning...”      “Oh dear,” Asher said with a chuckle as he slipped away, clearly much less put out by this turn of events than Loch.

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[amuhav]

     Loch stared at the blank screen, hesitating. This was stupid. This was a stupid idea. Let it go.       He hurt Ash.      Switching on the PC and opening up the program he needed, spurned on by that thought, Loch set to work.      “Hmmm. Well. That’s naughty,” Loch mumbled with a self-satisfied smile as the freshly recreated files sat on his screen. People always seemed to think once something was deleted, it was gone for good. Naïve.      Loch gave a cursory scroll through the files with a grin. “Just pop this back where it belongs.” Saving them to a single file and putting it back in its rightful place, Loch froze as he heard the front door unlock. Quickly shutting everything down, he bounced up to meet Asher.      “Hey, what are you doing home?” Asher said with a smile as he closed the front door behind him, dropping his bag onto the floor. “Thought you had to go into work today?”      “Turns out I could do most of it from home. You done for the day?”      “Yep. Just a morning class today.”      “Wanna go for lunch?”      Asher narrowed his eyes with a smile. “What’s got you so happy?”      “Hm? Nothing. Well, except the unexpected chance to spend more time with you, of course.”      “Fair enough,” Asher said, grinning wide. “Where do you wanna go?”      “Did I say lunch? What I meant was—”      “Oh, no, you don’t. I’m hungry. For food. No take-backsies.” Asher gripped Loch’s shoulders and spun him to face the door.      “Fine, fine, but later—”      “We’ll see, ya cheeky little shit. If you’re paying for lunch.”      “Happily.”      “Then lead the way.”

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[amuhav]

     “You didn’t teach any of them?” Asher eventually asked to fill the silence.      “My children?” Havoc chuckled. “Only my youngest, Hope. I rather thought I was giving them a better life, y’know? Butler, maid, all that. But you eventually learn that spoiling them is just as damaging in the long run. Unfortunately, by the time I realised, it was already too late for my older children.”       She sighed and glanced back at the group. “Of course, I tried to warn their mother the same, that and more, but there is only so much you can say as a grandparent before it becomes overstepping.”      Asher nodded wordlessly. He didn’t know Loch’s parents much, but he had quickly figured out they weren’t particularly proactive in their children’s upbringing; that was obvious from the way Loch had tried to fill in the gaps all those years.      “So, now I’m stuck cooking Christmas dinner every year for four lazy and quite frankly ungrateful little shits,” Havoc complained, though her tone betrayed her affection, a soft smile sneaking in. “It’s nice to have someone to help for a change, though. Thank you.”      Asher smiled briefly as he swept the board of carrots into the boiling water. “Can Chad not cook?” He knew Amir could. Rather well, in fact, though his repertoire tended more towards spicy curries and other dishes much more flavourful than a Christmas roast. Of course, Asher presently had no wish to be cooking alongside him.      Havoc snorted. “He cannot. Another with a pampered upbringing. In fairness, he is trying to learn, but...”      Asher laughed as she trailed off. “If it’s anything like Loch’s attempts at ‘learning’, I think I know what you mean.”      “Quite. Tell me, Asher, what do you think my chances are of River’s children being the ones to break the cycle?”      With a sympathetic smile, Asher shook his head. “I wouldn’t bet on it myself.”      Havoc sighed again. “No, just as I thought. Perhaps I’ll take it upon myself to teach them. That’s something a great-grandmother can do without it being ‘meddling’, right? Ugh, don’t answer that. I heard ‘great-grandmother’ and want to die.”

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[amuhav]