#Augh I had to even edit the text and shit on Tumblr...

[bluecloudious]

Kinda angst I guess (but it has Zanaz so take that with a grain of salt)

Trying out writing a story this time.

I mean, yeah, I wrote for the comics, but not long dialog.

So yea, as per both the funni boys mature content warning. (There's no canoodling, there is talk of it tho.)

Also there's quite a bit of text (8 pages worth on Word)

So ye:

“Get up, I have some juicy gossip for you.”

...What?

I open my eyes and the world around me is blinding. It’s so bright that it takes a second to adjust to it. There’s nothing around me other than vast white and empty space.

This definitely isn’t Nevada anymore. (Unless Hank managed to ruin everything even further somehow.)

“Get up now, I know you heard me.”

I get up and look around. Who the hell is talking? There’s literally nothing but white for miles.

“I’m in your head, pretty boy.”

Uh, that…

“I’m holding my eyes closed, don’t worry. I regret ever having them open in here, in fact.”

Welp, that answers that. Now for the other question.

“Who I am is not important. What info I have, may be of interest, though.”

Alright?

“There’s a deal attached to this knowledge, Zanaz. Hear me out before you start fidgeting.”

I’ll sure try.

“You know Kits, right?”

No duh, he’s my best friend.

“Excellent. He’s going to die soon.”

…

What?! Wha, when, how, uh--

“Calm down, jitterbug. There’s nothing you can do to stop his fate, so don’t try. If he doesn’t die one way, another thing will go wrong. Understand?”

I-- NO! What the fuck?! Are you gonna kill him?!

“No, not me. I’m just sharing the news.”

Yeah, right, sure. Fucking… When then?

“Soon.”

How soon? In a month, week or a few days?

“Hm… A month then, give or take.”

...Fuck… How?

“Depends on what leads up to it.”

So, there are a lot of different ways it can happen, right?

“Indeed there are.”

...Do I die with him?

“No.”

NO?! In none of the different variations, I don’t die by his side?

“Oh, you can be by his side, of course. But death isn’t after you.”

What if I try to block a bullet, but it goes through both of us.

“Oddly specific. You’ll still survive.”

What if I block it with my head?!

“Brain damage, possible vegetable state. Will still survive though.”

What if Hank slices us with one of his multiple katanas?!

“People have lived through being sliced in half before.”

WHAT.

“This world has zombie clowns with god like powers and the AAHW is lead by a man consisting of black fire.”

...Ugh, fair enough. So… Wait those are all possible deaths for him?

“If you do everything in your power for it to happen, then yes.”

I… I can kill him before his time?

“Of course! You have free will, don’t you? It’s more of a question if you want to.”

Of course I fucking don’t! I care about him!

“I saw. You daydream about him an uncomfortable amount.”

He’s the main person I’m around, give me a break!

“Have you ever considered not being horny?”

Until I’m castrated, there’ll be nothing of the sorts.

“You’re not even fertile! None of the clones are!”

You think I’m tryna get anyone pregnant at this sausage fest? Besides, that has not stopped me before.

“I refuse to believe that any of those scenes I saw play out in your head happened for real.”

You’d be surprised then.

“WHICH?!?”

Those are for me to treasure.

“...You’re pulling my leg.”

Believe what you want.

“Augh, never mind, TMI. Back onto the topic at hand.”

Oh, yeah, right. Kit… Dying…

Could you for real not give me a date?

“If it depends on the circumstances beforehand, then there’s no possible way to tell which one belongs to this timeline.”

And that means…?

“I don’t know how this Kits dies.”

Can I at least warn him?

“Well, there’s where the other side of the deal comes in. If you tell him, then the effect kicks in immediately.”

What effect? Death?

“Precisely.”

...Ah. Wait, so if I don’t tell him, he dies in a month but if I do, he dies immediately? Of what?

“Stroke, heart attack or brain aneurysm. Chosen at random. Oh, also sneak assassination. That’s also a valid option.”

...This feels set up.

“Mh?”

This feels like either you or whoever sent you here set this up so I’d suffer. You enjoy the pain of others, don’t you?

“I’m only the messen--”

Yeah, yeah, Messenger Bullshit. Then whoever decided this is probably a reality tv producer, who is jacking off to someone pushing in the soft part of a baby’s skull as we speak. You encourage such behaviour by working with them, ya know.

“...Do you think you sound smart?”

I know for a fact I’m not, so no. I’m pretty sure I’m on the money with this one though.

“If I wasn’t here then Kits’ death would come as a surprise to you though!”

I’d prefer that, actually! Now I have to deal with knowing that he… He… Won’t be here anymore soon.

“Well, knowing how overwhelmingly perverted you are, wouldn’t you wanna grab this opportunity?”

...What?

“Shoot your shot, ask him out. Not like you could do it with a corpse… …Right…?”

I may be horny, but I’m not messed up.

“Had to make sure.”

Ugh, you’re just making fun of me, aren’t you?

“Which instance are you referring to?”

Kit would never date me.

“And why exactly do you think that?”

He has standards?

“You’re a decently handsome fellow. You also get along with him just fine.”

That… That’s not a determinant of shit like that. There’s way better out there for him.

“He won’t meet em then. Only a month to live, remember?”

I… It’s not worth it.

“What isn’t?”

I know he’ll say no, there’s no point in trying.

“How do you know for sure until you actually ask?”

Cause it’s obvious! He’s actually got a brain in his noggin and he knows me way too well! He’d be fucking disgusted, man! We’re just friends and that’s that.

“Do you not want to then?”

...Why do you assume I do? How do you know that those aren’t just blissful fantasies like the rest of them?

“He’s the only one that you dream of in a non-perverted way. I see no other person in this graphic landscape that you want to hold hands with. (Also, I am closing my eyes again now, Jebus Christoff.)”

...Ffffuck.

“Well, did hit the nail on the head?”

Y-You’re stupid and gay!

“I’m rubber, you’re glue.”

That doesn’t affect me, I’m already openly gay and stupid!

“I guess we’re both such then.”

Dammit.

“So, you gonna give him a month to remember or not?”

…Eh?

“Come on, how much romance could a member of the A.A.H.W. really experience throughout their lifetime? If you’d make this month worth his and your own time, perhaps it would be less painful to see him go? At least he died happy?”

THAT WOULD BE EXTRA PAINFUL FOR ME, THOUGH!

“Oop, Zanaz selfish, you heard it here first, folks.”

That’s not what I meant. I’d already be upset over losing my best friend, imagine how fucking devastating losing a sweetheart would be.

“…I dunno, still sounds selfish to me. Does his happiness not mean anything to you?”

Who says he’d be happy with me?

“I know you want to make him happy, at least. You dream about his smile.”

STOP FUCKING LOOKING THOUGH MY THOUGHTS!!

“I’m not looking anymore, I just memorized the ones I already saw. (I wish I couldn’t.)”

I- You- Fucking-- UggHHH! It’s not worth it!

“What exactly do you imagine will happen if you tell him how you feel, huh? World combusts?”

I already told you, he already knows way too much about me! He’d be fucking grossed out and we’ll… We’ll stop being friends.

He’d quicken his pace whenever we’d have to pass each other in one of the halls. He’d desperately keep his glance away from me. He’d… I’d stop being the main person he talks and comes to company for a-and I can’t fucking have that, man!

I-I wouldn’t be able to handle it. He means too much to me.

“…I had no idea you were this insecure.”

FUCK OFF! It’s a bitter reality that I’ve come to accept!

“You haven’t even given it a shot!”

You don’t need to get crushed by a piano to know you’d die on impact!

“Those two things don’t correlate even remotely!”

It’s a metaphor!

“I know that, I’m saying that Kits has a thing for you too!”

…He what?

“He has major league crush on you! The things you say when play-flirting excite him! He’s gotten off to the thought of you touching him up! The works! (Why did I word it like that?)”

Whuh-- How the fuck do you know this??

“While you were monologuing, I visited his subconscious and confirmed it for myself.”

You can do that??

“You don’t even know my name.”

...Fair nuff. So, wait, he’s actually gotten off thinking about me?

“I don’t even need to open my eyes to already know you’re imagining it. Short answer, yes. He’s into you, Zanaz.”

Augh, I dunno what to do with this info. It’s kinda... Overwhelming in a way.

Actually, wait, how do I know you haven’t been lying to me this whole time?

“I’m an incorporeal voice in your head that’s having a back and forth with you in a white void.”

Yeah, and?

“…I’m supernatural?”

Yeah, and?

“Come on! I just know, okay?!”

Sounds fake, not gonna lie.

“The part where I knew that Kits was gonna die was convincing, but the moment I mention that he might have a thing for you, you question the validity of my claims thus far??”

One sounds way more far-fetched than the other, you gotta admit.

“NO IT DOESN’T?!?!”

For you maybe! I’ve known him since I’ve been out the cloning tube! We became agents together! I think I’d know what kinda stuff is off the table for him, buddy.

“Well, not only are you wrong, you’re in denial.”

I am not!

“Then try it! Just attempt asking him out! In the very least, you’ll remain friends after. I promise you. Cross my heart and all that jazz.”

…

…You’re absolutely positive? You are also the person that told me he’d die in a month’s time.

“A hundred percent positive. I have never been more sure of anything in my life.”

You have a life?

“Unfortunately. So, you’ll do it?”

Why’re you so adamant about me fucking Kits?

“Affgdgfdgfg, it’s not about you fucking him, it’s you making his last living month worthwhile!”

Okay, so, why do you want me to do that?

“…Do you not??”

I mean, I guess that sounds worth my time. But you didn’t answer my question.

“Sorry for assuming that you want the person you’re madly in love with to be happy, I guess??”

Apology accepted. Now, how do I get outta here?

“Ugh, just wake up.”

Whu--

And I’m sitting up in my own mat, back at the facility. The clock shows that it’s early morning.

What the fuck do I make of what I just saw? Or heard, for that matter? It clearly wasn’t a normal dream, I never remember those. Plus the topic tends to blur together usually.

I gotta tell-- Wait, I can’t do that, fuck.

…

It’s way to early for shit like this, man!!

Augh…

[squirenonny]

7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14. Voltron and/or Mistborn.

[Autistic character ask meme]

Voltron (Keith, Pidge) first, then Mistborn (Steris, Vin, Spook) below the cut because this got really long haaaa these aren’t special interests at ALL

Voltron

7. what calms them down?

90% of the time Keith calms down with some kind of physical activity (i.e. training). Mostly stress builds up as a restless kind of energy, paired with frustration that very easily turns to anger, and fighting is just… the fastest way to get it out. Plus, training is totally acceptable for a paladin, so there’s that. Other forms of physical activity that Keith finds calming: hiking, cave diving, jogging, pacing. (The other 10% of the time, he calms down by being incredibly still–star-gazing with Shiro or Pidge are favorites, but he’ll also sometimes just…. lie on his bed and let his mind wander.)

Pidge calms down by getting tf away from people. Normally that means going to work on robots/computers/other random projects down in Green’s hangar (or in their bedroom back on Earth), but it could also mean reading, listening to music (or intergalactic transmissions), or watching a movie while wrapped in the biggest blanket they can find. I also like to think Pidge sketches a lot. Mostly technical drawings, but sometimes just random things. (I mean. Voltron with a flaming sword + ladybug + whatever else ended up on their notepad.)

8. Do they know they’re Autistic? if so when & how did they realise?

Pidge absolutely knows they’re autistic. They were diagnosed relatively young, probably in elementary school, after a teacher noticed Pidge’s social and communication difficulties and talked with the Holts. So in a way it feels like they’ve always known. Certainly as long as they’ve been aware of people outside their family, they’ve known they were different, and they had a word for that pretty early on.

Keith doesn’t know he’s autistic. Maybe he’s very early in the process of self-diagnosis: getting to know Pidge brings him past the ‘all I know about autism I learned from Hollywood’ stage, and he’s started to identify with certain autistic traits, but he hasn’t had more than the occasional flash of ‘maaaaybe I’m autistic??’ followed immediately by that kind of embarrassed denial so many of us get. (That, “Come on Keith, get over yourself, you’re just an introvert, stop trying to be a special snowflake.”) We’ll get there.

11. how do they prefer to communicate? are they non verbal/have periods of being non verbal? do they use sign language? do they talk? do they prefer text, etc?

Pidge tends to be hyperverbal and doesn’t usually have difficulty with spoken language, but they do find typing to be more efficient. They’re less likely to ramble that way, and they feel more in control of their words when they can edit them before they send the message.

Keith is partially nonverbal. He goes nonverbal when he’s stressed or angry, and when he’s tired/confused/otherwise emotional or low on spoons, words can be hard to come by or get mixed up. (Also, regulating tone is just. The worst.) He doesn’t have a preferred alternate form of communication, mostly because he’s never thought of it, secondarily because he’s self-conscious about communication issues and would rather just be the “brooding emo silent one” than call attention to it. (I do think that eventually he and the rest of Team Voltron would start to develop a kind of sign language–probably a mix of military handtalk, ASL, and Altean Sign Language, because I doubt anyone else in the castle is fluent in any form of sign language.)

12. Is there any senses they struggle with particularly? (hearing, taste, etc)

Pidge has texture sensitivities, especially in clothing and food, but otherwise their hearing is the most sensitive. Buzzing/beeping/humming/other “white noise” gets on their nerves VERY quickly. They use their noise-cancelling headphones a lot even when they aren’t listening to transmissions or music.

Keith is touch-averse. There are certain people/circumstances that don’t bother him (shoulder-touching, Shiro in general, honestly Hunk most of the time, because Hunk gives such tight hugs that it’s deep pressure, which is nice.) Glancing/incidental/light touches–especially when unexpected–are the main issue.

13. their special interests?

Pidge: computers/robots/programming, conspiracy theories, especially aliens. All sorts of creative things–mechanical projects, crafts, legos, building card towers?? Basically anything where they put stuff together to make other stuff. Pidge is a beast at McGuyvering shit.

[Keith’s SIs answered here]

14. are they open about being autistic or do they prefer to keep it to themselves?

Pidge is open about it with friends. It’s not something they would want classmates or acquaintances knowing about, but they tell the other paladins pretty quickly, and they have it in their About on Tumblr and Twitter.

Keith still isn’t even convinced he is autistic, so Pidge (and a little later, Shiro) are the only ones who know he’s even questioning it.

Mistborn

7. what calms them down?

Steris: The biggest way for her to calm down is to be in control in whatever way she can. That might mean making a schedule, organizing a room, or just researching something related to her current project. Being proactive in general helps–she doesn’t really unwind, per se. She can *be* relaxed, but taking a break for the purposes of stress-relief is counter-productive if she hasn’t already de-stressed to a certain level.

Vin: Physical activity, having a set routine or at least a stable set of rules she can live by. Tactile stims are also good–cuddling with Elend, petting TenSoon, letting her mistcloak drift around her. She finds the mists especially calming because it’s the right combination of control, activity, solitude, and low-level sensory stimulation.

Spook: Being in a social situation without necessarily being expected to interact is very relaxing–he likes to have people around, though for most of the series conversations/remembering social norms is more stressful than it is helpful. He like observing–observing his friends or keeping watch. There’s something soothing about looking out through the mists and listening to background noise (the things that aren’t important enough to focus on).

8. Do they know they’re Autistic? if so when & how did they realise?

Spook and Vin for sure no. I highly doubt the Final Empire has a concept of autism or… anything, really. I feel like Steris is aware that she’s neurodiverse, even if she doesn’t have the words for it (or the same words we do…) I guess it would be the equivalent of self-diagnosed. She realized growing up that she was different and sought out other people (or their writings) who had similar experiences. She’s identified where she struggles and developed coping mechanisms in the interest of control.

11. how do they prefer to communicate? are they non verbal/have periods of being non verbal? do they use sign language? do they talk? do they prefer text, etc?

Vin doesn’t have any specific communication issues as far as forms of communication. She is reluctant to share things about herself, and she struggles with code-switching (living on the streets vs. joining a crew vs. mingling with the nobility), and is cautious with her words when she doesn’t feel safe, but it’s not because of a specific difficulty with verbal communication.

Spook has occasional nonverbal episodes–which were much more pronounced when he had the added anxiety of only speaking Eastern Street Slang. He doesn’t pick up languages quickly, and he has a considerable amount of social anxiety centered on the way he talks, which provoked quite a few nonverbal episodes early on in his time with Kelsier’s crew. They diminished as he learned the language. Social anxiety plus his sensitive hearing (tin + autistic sensory issues = augh son your poor ears) means that I imagine Spook having a tendency toward sign language.

Steris, like Vin, doesn’t have specific problems with verbal communication, but she does find written communication to be more precise than spoken word. Speaking is more convenient, so it’s her default, but she very much enjoys writing letters.

12. Is there any senses they struggle with particularly? (hearing, taste, etc)

I don’t see Vin having any particular sensory issues. She’s pretty adaptable, so when she does have issues it’s because something’s new and she’s hyperaware of it–i.e. longer hair, formal gowns, ect. Mostly tactile issues when it’s anything.

Spook. (Spoooook.) Okay, full disclosure: blame Hero of Ages for this, but I headcanon Spook having a lot of sensory issues even before he snapped. He’s big on control and focus because he has to be. Tin is useless to him if he can’t learn to block things out because it’s so easy to push him into overload. And most of the time he’s fine. Unless he’s low on spoons–then things get iffy. Sound is particularly bad, and bright lights.

I think a lot of Steris’s sensory issues are food-related. Nothing is particularly bad, so she mostly just deals with sensory stuff, but she has strong preferences regarding taste and texture, so she likes to be in charge of the menu as much as possible.

13. their special interests?

Vin: Vin has been so focused on survival for so long that she doesn’t have special interests in a traditional sense, but she does get hyperfocused on things–learning the rules of her current surroundings, learning how to use metals, fighting, ect. She goes all-out and gets obsessed with things once she’s put her mind to learning them. The mysteries surrounding the mist spirit and the Well of Ascension were sort of SIs in their own right (though, again, partially born of necessity.)

Spook: people. He spends so much time observing that he tends to develop special interests for people or places. That slum down the block from the safehouse where he knows everyone’s name and who just had a baby and what the current biggest threats are. That noble family he’s supposed to be watching and their staff and their schedule. Vin was a special interest when she first arrived, and that flared into a crush briefly before the hyperfocus eased and their relationship became more natural.

Steris: Politics is the biggest. She knows everything because of long, intense study. Who’s who, the major rivalries and alliances, expectations and common missteps. How to say what she wants without saying it outright. This extends into history and law a little bit, but it’s very much focused on the interactions between the major Houses and other players.

14. are they open about being autistic or do they prefer to keep it to themselves?

Doesn’t really apply because I don’t think Scadrial really has a concept of autism yet (especially in the original trilogy era). Steris is pretty much “This is who I am, deal with it.”