#BYE im too nervous to post this in the Main tags

[ponshroom]

(9/29/23)

aheehee

(DO NOT REPOST/CLAIM/USE MY WORK)

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[ierogenvy]

about

whats up you guys, yes, its me, sarah ! im putting up a new about page bc i guess tunglr.hell has stopped deleting blogs that have links in their description.

-i was @shpevrythng but then bg looked like it might end soon so i changed it but now theres no news so im just like this until spring, i guess ? this is me hoping it ends before the Lingle is out

also pm me if u dont know wtf bg is or why its time to end it

-im 20

-im a poli sci major and i may or may not go to law school but my main goal is to blow up then act like i dont know nobody hahahahaha be president 2034 but  also like,, earths gonna be dead by that point probably so,,,,,,

-(fun secret fact i realized i wanted to do poli sci bc i was reading les mis fic and i related to enjolras in all these college aus where that was his major then i was like ,,, oh thats why i relate thats what i need to do)

-im a lesbian

-im a scorpio sun, capricorn moon, and a cancer rising and that explains a Whole Lot tbh

-i queue just about everything so if u see someone post a meme after its dead its me. like dont worry its def me sorry

-you’ll always know when i get interested in smth new bc that’ll be all i post about for 2 weeks

-that being said my main ho is 1d (ot5) and larry so if u dont like that then like, bye

-related to this if theres anything i start posting abt that u want me to tag pls    let me know ! rn i tag #haunting of hill house  #bucky barnes #odaat spoilers #s13 /14 / #s13 / 14 spoilers (iasip - individual seasons tagged seperately) #good place spoilers #asoue spoilers #the umbrella academy spoilers and #dont mind me for my original posts

-and i almost forgot i co-run @queliott and the fourth season is well underway, so head over there if you want !

-also also if smth i start posting abt is either fake or problematic pls dont hesitate to tell me ! i’d hate to just post content abt smth that offends or hurts some1 !! this is about celebrities, fake gofundme’s, anything !!

-but speaking of that my ask box is always open ! and if ur too nervous anon is on too !! or u could send a pm !! we can be friends and i have a lot of opinions about a lot of things that i would love to share !

   -but also im bad at responding and keeping a convo going rip every single gc ive been in and every mutual thats tried 2 b friends like ily but idk what to say ever !

and obvs like terfs, homophobes, transphobes, etc can allllll fuck off and what i need you all to do is block pewdiepie and subscribe to jablinski games on youtube (the pwd link is why 2 block and the other link is to the channel)

[pinkc0bra]

Huhu, what about K, O and U for the fandom ask. Thank you:D

ohhh thanks for the ask!

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

well i kinda want to say oikawa but since oikawa’s character development kinda takes place behind the scenes and is more hinted towards then shown im going to go with my boy yamaguchi.

since he worked so hard and did so his best to join the rotation that he felt he was never even be able to join. he worked his ass off trying to perfect his jump serve, and he still doesnt even get to join the main rotation but he is still working and doing his best to perfect his serve. plus together with him working on his jump serve we slowly see him gaining more confidence in himself (and also being able to call out tsukki on his bulllshit and not rely on solely him as a friend). as the first times he got selected to serve he got nervous and really thought he was about to mess up. and now he outright is demanding to serve because he is confident in his abilities and wants to join the game!

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

ahhhhhh i cant really choose a song at random fast. the first song i could think of that i have character headcanons for is into you by ariana grande. it doesnt really remind me of one character more as of the relationship iwaoi has how they are tiptoeing around each other having feelings for each other and being on the edge to tell each other how they feel.  

This could take some time, heyI made too many mistakesBetter get this right, right, baby

Oh baby, look what you startedThe temperature's rising in hereIs this gonna happen?Been waiting and waiting for you to make a moveBefore I make a move

Tell me what you came here forCause I can't, I can't wait no moreI'm on the edge with no controlAnd I need, I need you to know

(i honestly could place down all the lyrics to the song for this haha but ill leave it at the most important ones i guess)(this song is also the main inspiration for the fic im currently writing)

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Haikyuu - everybody who follows my blog would know Iwaizumi is my favorite character and i express in great detail in the tags of my posts how much i love him. but in short i love how stong he is how he is there to pick up oikawa and how level headed he is and seen as sort of the respected older brother at seijou who is here to help everybody (no wonder everybody looks up to him) he is strong and he is the ace but that doesnt mean he doesnt have his own incecurities (which oikawa helps HIM WITH) well which makes him so relatable and such a rounded out character. also he is just so hANDSOME! 

Love Live - Nozomi. i actually have really easy reasons why i like nozomi. she was my starter girl i picked in love live solely for the reason her hobby was taking naps (me too girl) and ever since i picked her i stuck with her and i didnt stop loving her since. of course i got to find out more of her character throught the anime but that really made me love her more since she is like the big sister of the group to give everybody advise and she unites the group in her own way (with also making the name) she is a senpai the girls love and respect but she is also one of the first people to let everybody have some fun and just relax. which balances out so well with eli who keeps everybody in check and makes sure everybody follows the schedule. also she is such a dork! (and yes im totally ignoring the washiwashi thing because that doesnt exsists bye)

Boku no hero acedemia - Todoroki. i started reading the manga a week ago because i was so excited for what was to happen next and i knew there was stuff about to happen between todoroki and deku and i just was very curious because since the beginning of the anime he was such a mysterious character and i wanted to know his past so solely for knowing everythng about todoroki i needed to read the manga. and i only fell in love more and more with him and he is so gentle and i was so saddened about his tragic past. but he is doing his best and becoming his own person who follows his own footsteps and not his dad’s and i just really love todoroki. (i almost put kirishima here too because i REALLY love him but my reason for loveing kirishima is mostly because he is such a kind and loving person even tho he looks so rowdy and cool and i LOVE THAT)

welp this post got long HELP. i hope this wasnt too much of an answer but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH