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docholligay · 5 years ago

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Endings And Beginnings

Another Patreon release for my 12 Favorite Fics post coming up! Built off this fucking prompt from geeky: "When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, and clumsy.” -Griffin McElroy; The Adventure Zone 1900 words.

It wasn’t fair. It just really wasn’t fair.

Usagi knew that these things happened to everyone eventually, but it still wasn’t supposed to happen to her. If it did have to happen, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be slow and dramatic, like a heroine with tuberculosis, or quick and tragic, like a heroine who fell off a horse and broke her neck. It wasn’t supposed to be a few days of feeling bad, a brief collapse, a terrible decision, and a goodbye.

She’d read a lot of stories, and that wasn’t how it happened. That’s not how people died.

Rei tried to be helpful, but even after losing Mina (In a quick and tragic way) she was still Rei, and still applied the same amount of force to a bowling ball as she did an egg, however good her intentions, and however tight her hugs.

“You have to come over to dinner with me and Michiru,” Rei had barked, Usagi in her widow’s haze not even thinking to question whether MIchiru had invited her or not, “At our apartment. I know Seiya’s dead,” Usagi had winced, and for as little as Rei could see, she must have sensed it, for her voice softened, “But you need to live, Usagi. Let us...let us help you.”

It still didn’t seem real. How could it be? It couldn’t be. She couldn’t really be gone, because her hamper of clothes was still on the bedroom floor. Usagi had bought her some ginger soda, and it was still in the fridge. It was kind of expensive, and Seiya wouldn’t just let it go to waste. What about ramen thursdays, and who would read her romance novels as they sat in the tub together?

She couldn’t be gone, because she loved Usagi. She wouldn’t leave her like this.

Seiya knew how much she loved stories. She wouldn’t leave her with an ending like this.

Even though she couldn’t be gone, Usagi could still remember her funeral. Even though she couldn’t be gone, her side of the bed was still cold. Even though she couldn’t be gone, Usagi still felt her wedding ring in her pocket.

Even though she couldn’t be gone, Michiru had still sent a car to the house, and Usagi was still riding toward Michiru’s apartment.

Michiru had lived in the elegant high-rise ever since her own love story had its (slow and dramatic) ending. It seemed to fit her, glistening but not gaudy, well-appointed and expensive, but in the quiet way Usagi used to never notice, until she learned what to look for.

Usagi was underdressed. She had a simple jersey dress that fit like a nightgown, Seiya’s hoodie, which she was certainly coming back for, zipped over the top of it. The doorman looked at her askance as she shuffled through the front door, mumbling Rei’s name, and stopped her as she paged the apartment.

He’d seen her before, she and Seiya had been here to have dinner with the two of them a dozen times, to attend parties and little teas. But maybe he didn’t recognize her without Seiya. Maybe no one would ever recognize her again.

Usagi Kou nee Tsukino burst into hysterical tears as the man picked up the phone.

He waved his hands and asked her to stop, but she couldn’t hear him, couldn’t hear anything but the last thing she had said to Seiya, wishing it had been better or more poetic or beautiful, wishing she had given Seiya a pretty end instead of the one she got in some horrible ICU.

Usagi wasn’t sure how long she was crying, but it was long enough for Rei to come down and collect her by hand.

“She’s on the list!” Rei snapped impatiently at the doorman.

“So sorry, ma’--”

“Her wife is dead!” Rei continued, and Usagi cried louder, cried because it was true, and that was the end she got to her love story, and because Rei was being mean to the doorman, and because she was hungry but she never wanted to eat again, and because she hadn’t changed clothes in days, and because the world was a terrible and unfair place.

Rei held her tight, not sparing a moment to consider her own lack of delicacy, and took her into the elevator.

Usagi loved Rei, because Rei didn’t let go of her. Rei held her and hugged her all the way up to Michiru’s floor, and she muttered angrily about the doorman but didn’t tell Usagi to stop crying, not once, and Usagi kept crying because Rei was being so nice to her, and because she loved Rei, and because she was afraid of her how and Rei’s story would end, too.

Rei shuttled her carefully into the apartment, where Michiru had laid the table with a tablecloth and all of the finest, least exquisite noodle dishes Tokyo had to offer. There were fried shrimp, and curry rice, and all of the terrible things that Usagi loved so well.

Michiru smiled kindly, and if Usagi would have had the strength to cry again, she would have.

“I insist you eat something.” She sat down at the table, and indicated to a spot for Usagi, where a bright soda sat waiting. “And if you do not, you will have to hear REi’s insistence, and I believe you will find it much less polite than my own.”

Rei scowled at her, and Usagi almost laughed, somewhere in the back of her soul.

She sat at the table, and was relieved that little was expected of her. Michiru continued in her patter to Rei, and seemed to draw Rei’s loving scrutiny away from her, allowing to simply eat noodles and fried shrimp under a cloud, offering her nibbles of small cakes from an elegant selection on a silver platter.

Her stomach filled, Usagi felt slightly more human. She looked out over the lights of Tokyo and imagined heading back to that dark and lonely house, that too-large and cold bed, and nearly began to cry all over again.

“I should go…” she said, voice wavering, trying to remain strong.

“Usagi…” Rei drew an arm around her, “Remember when we were young and...do you want to have a sleepover with me?”

She offered it with warmth, trying to sell the idea with a smile, as if she were speaking to the Usagi of a month ago, and not worrying over the Usagi of now, who couldn’t even properly feed herself, the least Usagi concern of most of Rei’s life.

“Is Michiru…?” She said softly, knowing that, though she and Michiru were friends, they were hardly close, and Michiru protective of her time.

“Of course,” Michiru said, returning from the kitchen where she had taken the dishes, “But you must do me one favor.”

Rei bristled protectively, and Usagi’s shoulders fell.

“I insist you take a bath. We have a deep tub, and a wide selection of bubbles. I have a nightgown you might have, it is nothing terribly fancy, but it is warm, and soft, and will suffice.”

Usagi nodded, unable to speak, as the lights of Tokyo twinkled, unknowing that the stories of the stars in the sky were lies.

___

Usagi slipped under the flower-scented bubbles, the warm water embracing her as closely as she imagined Seiya would, if she were here. Tears ran down her face again, thinking of how she and Seiya sat at home like this, Seiya reading to her and dramatizing the most romantic parts, Usagi shaving her legs and washing her hair, tangled up in each other, laughing.

The door opened, and she sniffled deeply. She didn’t want Rei to see her like this. Rei worried enough.

“My apologies,” It was Michiru, and Usagi whipped around a moment in surprise, “I neglected to give you a towel.” She laid a thick, plush bath sheet on the side table, still warm from where she must have popped it into the dryer.

“Michiru?” Usagi said, as she turned to leave. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Michiru stopped for a moment. “I like to think I do have the barest sense of empathy, Usagi.” She considered a moment. “As an adult, anyhow. Is it so unusual that I should be kind?” There was a slight sting to it, as if someone had whipped her with a switch.

“No, but…” Usagi turned back to her bubbles, “You hugged me, Michiru. You got stuff together for Seiya’s--I didn’t think you liked me that much. I know you do like me, but, not like--”

Michiru came over beside the tub, and sat down on the bathroom floor.

“You were so very kind to me, when my Haruka passed.” Her voice was tinged with only a slight note of sorrow, but it was still there, the same as the scar on her arm, no matter how many years had passed. “In a way you were in no way required to be. It is true that I am not terribly warm, and we have been ill-matched. But I could never forget your kindness in a time that was so dark for me.”

“You lost your prince too.” Usagi sniffled again. “But Seiya....It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s a love story. They don’t go like this.”

“Oh Usagi,” Michiru sighed, “It is never meant to be any way at all. There are no beautiful deaths in this world, and I am sorry that you must know it. Rei never was allowed to say goodbye. I watched Haruka grow weaker and more ill every single day. We each have been jealous of the other, at turns, but I tell you this truth now: Our lives mean much more than our deaths. You and Seiya had a wonderful love story, and you raised a wonderful daughter, and unfortunately it is very often difficult to finish a story in a satisfying sort of way. It is not the end of your story, simply of hers. For you, it is a new chapter.”

Usagi sat quietly for what felt like the first time since Seiya’s last heartbeat, not wanting to cry, not wanting to speak, just wanting to notice. Michiru’s head was tilted up toward the ceiling, sitting by the edge of the tub, and she had never seemed so real to Usagi, not even when she had been ill, not even when she had cried at Haruka’s funeral.

She was simply a widow, just like Usagi, just trying to make sense of it.

“How did you do it?” Usagi asked, poking at the bubbles in the tub.

“Slowly.” She laughed. “Inelegantly, at times.”

“I can’t do it.”

“I am certain that feels true. But you are stronger than you know, Usagi,” Her voice rang clear and true, “It gets easier, that I promise you. This year will be a difficult one. But we are here.” She chuckled. “Rei is very aggressively here, I assure you. You will write your story, still, and we will give you the pen and paper.”

Usagi threw her dripping arms around Michiru’s neck. “We’ll do it together!”

Michiru took a deep breath. “Your personal tragedy and mine, I am certain.”

Usagi was hurt for a moment, and then Michiru turned to her with a smile.

“Michiru!! You’re teasing!!!”

Usagi laughed for the first time in one month, and if we would ever believe that those we love look down on us, the stars smiled.

#Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh

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docholligay · 7 years ago

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The Last Valentine

Prompt from @keyofjetwolf, the end of MaS/beginning of the Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh

It was too cold to sit outside, but Michiru had insisted. It seemed right, somehow, lazily and sadly sipping at the champagne in front of her, feeling, from time to time, at the ring on her finger, and the one that matched it on her thumb. The cool wind blew her hair around her face, and she was grateful for it--it could be mistaken for the cold stinging at her eyes.

Really, Michiru, a woman sitting alone drinking by herself on Valentine’s Day, and you assume they will give you the latitude of blaming the cold? You can be so silly, sometimes.

She chuckled softly to herself. The years had gentled her enough the she found she did not much care whether people knew she had been jilted by her lover or not, that she was drinking alone because she was quite alone.

Jilted is a rather unkind way to think of it, don’t you think? Unfair, even.

She did not care if they saw an errant tear slide down her cheek, and she wished she could express to them what a noteworthy task it was, that the great Michiru Kaioh could now cry in public.

It, like most things, had been Haruka’s fault.

“Babe, I’m just saying,” she laughed in the unseasonably bright sunshine of the early February day, her pearl-blonde hair shining, “we should take the whole operation--kids, grandkids, Mina and Rei, down to that resort, the one with the jalapeno poppers? For our anniversary. They’ll love it. Very classy.”

“Ah yes,” she giggled back in appreciation, resting her hand on Haruka’s, “all the charm and class of a pepper, filled with cheese and deep fried.”

Haruka clasped her hand, leaning forward, “Okay but they have that fancy place too, and besides,” she kissed Michiru’s hand, “I can be very charming.”

Even after all these years, that is true, she had thought, marveling at the beauty of the smile lines around her eyes.

They had been here, sitting on the patio at the tiny bistro Michiru liked so well, sipping on this champagne, nibbling at shared plates, when she’d made these plans. A small Valentine’s lunch, that was all Michiru had wanted that year.

I would have done so much more, if I had known. If I had known about that thing, probably already growing inside of you. I would have let you hold a parade to our love, if I had any idea it would be our last.

3 weeks, to the day, she had been gone. It felt as if it were yesterday, and as if it were ages ago, some strange middle emptiness where Haruka once resided hollow inside of her.

People tried to comfort her. She had done everything she could for Haruka. She had a wonderful life, and a comfortable death. She would be remembered with such great love and fondness.

All that was very true, and it was nice enough, but it was also not the compelling problem Michiru found herself left with.

She was much more selfish than all that.

She no longer worried about Haruka, but for herself, and for the strangeness inside of her, the strangeness of a plant which has grown up wound around another, only to discover one day that the companion plant is gone. Can it even stand by itself, or will it simply crawl around about the ground with nothing to support it?

Who am I, now?

It was a terrifying question, and one she had not been forced to answer since they were relieved of their duties years ago, allowed to become normal, none of them quite ever knowing what that meant. She’d struggled then, too, losing Sailor Neptune and concert violinist and artist all in one day, one violent battle.

But Haruka had been there, losing Sailor Uranus and track star and motorcyclist, too.

“I know you said not to do anything, but we’ve been married long enough you won’t divorce me.” She reached into the bag on the back of her wheelchair.

“Far too much paperwork.” Michiru smiled across her champagne glass.

“Besides,” Haruka set a neatly wrapped box on the table, “If we’ve gotta watch the grandkids I should get to do one nice Valentine’s thing.”

Michiru took the box from the table, clucking her tongue in a teasing scold. “Well, I certainly hope you aren’t expecting a single thing from me, as some of us do honor our promises.”

“I mean, I can think of a gift you could give me…” Haruka raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Oh, don’t you just wish, Miss Tenoh.” Michiru laughed as she unwrapped the gift, neatly but loosely wrapped, the way Haruka always did for her.

She opened the small wood box underneath, and a lovely understated watch rested inside. It was precisely what Michiru might have picked out for herself.

“Oh Haruka, it’s lovely.” She took it out of the box. “Truly.”

Haruka nodded excitedly. “Read the engraving on the back. The letters are tiny, sorry.”

Michiru took out her reading glasses and flipped the watch over. “Time’s the only thing I could always afford to give you, and you can have it all.--H.” She looked back up at Haruka. “Oh, my darling.”

She felt at the watch on her wrist, looked at the emptiness of the seat across from her, and let the tears beat their measured paths down her face.

“Such a miser you are, Haruka,” She dabbed at her tears, “It was never enough.”

The watch ticked on, Michiru’s own heartbeat, and somehow Michiru knew it would last for another 20 years, at the least. Fate was never quite done with her, as it was. Every cafe, every corner, every room in her home, called Haruka’s name, and would never be answered.

But she would go on. She had promised Haruka that much. And if she had promised Haruka, she would find a way. She would find a place that belonged to her. Whatever she was now, it would rest there.

She looked down at her cellphone, flipped through her contacts, and began to write a text out.

Haruka positively loathed Paris.

The reply came quickly. Rei was steadfast as always.

So when are you leaving?

#Au of Mystery and Shadow #The Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh #valentine's fic day

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docholligay · 3 years ago

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Friendship Prompts day 5: Getting ready for a party

The bachelorette exploits of the widow Kaioh: That is to say, MaS, post-Haruka and Mina.

“Rei would rather go with you.”

Usagi gave a little sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Nonsense,” Michiru looked through Usagi’s closet, “Rei would rather take me, but that is entirely a different matter. Rei wants to take me to the party as one wishes to take an express train. I suit her purposes most neatly. Please trust her preference is not for the sake of pleasure.”

Usagi curled a ringlet of her hair around a finger. She really should cut it, she supposed, as it was a sandy grey now, but it silvered nicely in the light, and it had never been short. She had worn it in nearly the same style since she was a teenager. So many things had changed, but never that. Usagi let the ringlet fall.

“No wonder Rei wants to take you to the fancy dinner. All those CEOs.Important people. I look…immature. You’re a better date for smart people.”

“Yes, well,yes, this will do, “ Michiru pulled a dress out of the closet, smoothed it, and lay it on the bed, “The sooner Rei learns that I am not her courtesan, to be called up by the maharajah at a moment’s notice, the better for all of us.”

Usagi sighed again, and Michiru gave a soft smile.

“And besides all that, men of that nature and age find women like me tiring,” she handed Usagi a brush, and she obediently began to smooth her out, “practiced little things, such as we are, more like automatons than people, really. We say our lines, and take our bows, and reset for the next event. If they have met one of us they’ve met a thousand. Pull your hair back tightly for me.”

Usagi nodded and gathered it into a neat ponytail, which Michiru took and whirled quickly into a twist, pinning it at the top of Usagi’s head with her weak hand and beginning to set it in with bobby pins from the pocket of her robe.

“But you are rather Alice among the flowers, are you not? People will remember you, be charmed by you. Besides, I’ve taught you everything I know about proper manners over all these years. Do you mean to suggest I am a poor teacher?”

Usagi began to take her head.

“Stop that. I’m working.”

Usagi’s eyes widened. “No, I would never say that!”

Michiru took a comb out of the pocket that had held the bobby pins, small tight gold teeth adored with a bar of deep jade, finished with a gleaming white enamel flower. She set it in tight to the twist, the flower poking out in subtle elegance.

“There. Try and tell me you don’t look the lady.”

Usagi beamed. Same hair, after all these years, same smile.

“Rei’ll be so impressed! I’ll be the best date, and have the best manners.”

“Of course you will,” she took some perfume off Usagi’s vanity and sprayed her hair, “After all, aren’t you the princess?”

Some things were the same. But this was not, as it was the first time in over fifty years Michiru had ever said the word ‘princess’ with warmth.

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docholligay · 5 years ago

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Au of Mystery and Shadow

I have been working on this for a long, long while, but here it is: A nearly complete list of the AU of Mystery and Shadow fics, put into roughly chronological order (it should be noted, it’s not necessarily designed to be READ in chronological order, but is more a series of vignettes).

For those unfamiliar, Mystery and Shadow is my “good end” AU, where Haruka and Michiru and Rei and Mina all live, and have long, relatively happy lives together. It’s my happy place, mostly.

Everything marked with an asterisk is still just on the Patreon, but everything without one links to a main blog story!

The lovely artwork is by @wouldntyoulichentoknow, who is available for commissions here, and also on Patreon!

If you enjoyed this long list and wanted to enjoy more, there’s more on Patreon! If you wanted to just thank me for the bunch of free words, tip me at my ko-fi!

A long, long list below the cut!

Pre-kids:

Shatter

Dashed*

Pop*

Chop*

Someone Else’s Star*

Trash*

Anything Money Can Buy*

Bleeding Heart*

Holding Hands

A Waste of Paint*

A Split in the Stars*

MIdnight Tokyo DIner*

Kid kids:

Enter M.A. Stage Left*

The Step*

Round One*

First Loves and Second Chances*

Proper Instruction*

The Party*

Stop Telling Me You’re Okay

Bloom of Love*

Something Blue*

Giving You Away*

The More Things Change*

The Split

A Crack in Everything

Enter Kimi, Stage Right*

Fiore x Mamoru

Tag Team*

Things You Said When We Were the Happiest We Ever Were

Birthday Lights*

When They Feel Safest

Haruka’s Last Conversation With Her Mother

A Box of Childhood Things

A Fresh Bud*

What Grows is What We Water

Twice Baked

A Pair of Missel Thrushes*

Series Finale

Thanks*

Timeline*

The Present of the Present*

A Whisper and a Roar

Embers in the Hearth

A Father’s Day Ficlet*

Pierced*

I’m Gonna Hug You Now

Leave It*

Blind Spot*

A Degree of Pride

Teenage kids:

Mina Helped

Old and Deep*

Love in The Time of the Probable Flu*

I Wish We’d Never Met

Square Peg*

Origin Story*

Formal Correspondence*

Grown kids:

Fairy Tale*

The Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh:

The Long Black Road

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables

Crumbs *

Healing is a Small, Ordinary, and Burnt Thing

Cut String

A Life, Take Two*

Endings and Beginnings

And Then There Were Two

Designated Survivor

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docholligay · 5 years ago

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My Favorite Fics of 2019

Hello! At this end of the year, I would like offer up what I thought was the best fic I wrote every month, in 2019, for your hopeful delight and perusal, and potentially disagreement

January: Sunrise and Moonset

My take on the Bastet short story and the fallout afterward, as fit into my Overwatch Universe, featuring Pharah reading Ana the riot act and Tracer having to offer an official reprimand for once in her life.

February: A Degree of Pride

AU of Mystery and Shadow fic, where Haruka nervously prepares to receive her college degree after many years of work.

March: Endings and Beginnings

Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh fic (which is just the tail end of the MaS AU) Usagi struggles in the wake of Seiya’s death, and Rei and Michiru do their inelegant best to help her.

April: Gay Chicken

Mina and Rei’s will they or won’t they shit is some of my favorite wells to go back to, again and again, and this is just me doing that.

May: Love Letters

This is my Overwatch Mother’s Day fic, that mostly centers around Pharah and her incredible anger toward Ana, but also features long bits for Tracer and Mercy. It’s long, but I really loved this one.

June: The Stair

Michiru Kaioh admits that she has fallen in love to the hardest person of all: Herself.

July: A Little Love Story

This was a rewrite of an older fic I really loved, a subversion of the “love breaks the spell” trope to make it platonic, and it’s one of my favorite BroTP fics.

August: Cut String

The actual fic that details Mina’s death in MaS, much alluded to but never before revealed.

September: The Way You Said I Love You: In A Scream

I write Rei and Usagi fic very infrequently and mostly hate my Usagi voice, but I really liked this sort of rewrite of 196 that I did.

October: 30 Seconds of Brain Activity

A Pharah/Mercy fic that is NOT canon to my OW universe, but it’s fun nonetheless: What if Pharah was dying, that was all Mercy had?

November: Winston and Lena’s Friendiversary

I know that I write like 90% of it but I love love their friendship and Lena’s brightsided nature

December: Home for the Holidays

I don’t know that this fic is actually even any good, but I had a really hard time writing in December and there were two fics to pick from. It’s sweet, fluffy, friend nonsense, in the Talismans AU.

As always, I’d love to hear if there’s anything not on here that YOU’D nominate as being the best from this year.

#fic roundup

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docholligay · 6 years ago

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Endings and Beginnings

Someone sent this in for my director’s commentary day, (And thank you for sending me something!!) and because it was Patreon, it needed to be cross posted so people could read it. Enjoy! Au of Mystery and Shadow/Bachelorette Exploits of the widow Kaioh.

It wasn’t fair. It just really wasn’t fair.

She’d read a lot of stories, and that wasn’t how it happened. That’s not how people died.

She couldn’t be gone, because she loved Usagi. She wouldn’t leave her like this.

Seiya knew how much she loved stories. She wouldn’t leave her with an ending like this.

Even though she couldn’t be gone, Michiru had still sent a car to the house, and Usagi was still riding toward Michiru’s apartment.

Usagi Kou nee Tsukino burst into hysterical tears as the man picked up the phone.

Usagi wasn’t sure how long she was crying, but it was long enough for Rei to come down and collect her by hand.

“She’s on the list!” Rei snapped impatiently at the doorman.

“So sorry, ma’--”

Rei held her tight, not sparing a moment to consider her own lack of delicacy, and took her into the elevator.

Michiru smiled kindly, and if Usagi would have had the strength to cry again, she would have.

Rei scowled at her, and Usagi almost laughed, somewhere in the back of her soul.

“I should go…” she said, voice wavering, trying to remain strong.

“Usagi…” Rei drew an arm around her, “Remember when we were young and...do you want to have a sleepover with me?”

“Is Michiru…?” She said softly, knowing that, though she and Michiru were friends, they were hardly close, and Michiru protective of her time.

“Of course,” Michiru said, returning from the kitchen where she had taken the dishes, “But you must do me one favor.”

Rei bristled protectively, and Usagi’s shoulders fell.

“I insist you take a bath. We have a deep tub, and a wide selection of bubbles. I have a nightgown you might have, it is nothing terribly fancy, but it is warm, and soft, and will suffice.”

Usagi nodded, unable to speak, as the lights of Tokyo twinkled, unknowing that the stories of the stars in the sky were lies.

___

The door opened, and she sniffled deeply. She didn’t want Rei to see her like this. Rei worried enough.

“Michiru?” Usagi said, as she turned to leave. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

“No, but…” Usagi turned back to her bubbles, “You hugged me, Michiru. You got stuff together for Seiya’s--I didn’t think you liked me that much. I know you do like me, but, not like--”

Michiru came over beside the tub, and sat down on the bathroom floor.

“You lost your prince too.” Usagi sniffled again. “But Seiya....It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s a love story. They don’t go like this.”

She was simply a widow, just like Usagi, just trying to make sense of it.

“How did you do it?” Usagi asked, poking at the bubbles in the tub.

“Slowly.” She laughed. “Inelegantly, at times.”

“I can’t do it.”

Usagi threw her dripping arms around Michiru’s neck. “We’ll do it together!”

Michiru took a deep breath. “Your personal tragedy and mine, I am certain.”

Usagi was hurt for a moment, and then Michiru turned to her with a smile.

“Michiru!! You’re teasing!!!”

Usagi laughed for the first time in one month, and if we would ever believe that those we love look down on us, the stars smiled.

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docholligay · 6 years ago

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Director's Commentary: MaS AU. What was it borne out of? Why the choices you made for the characters? And anything else you'd like to share about the AU as a whole!

Oh the Au of Mystery and Shadow, what a long, strange trip it’s been.

Literally I first started writing it, just for me! It didn’t leave my hands for months, and then when it did at first, it was on a p-locked blog that was only given out to a few people. I really enjoyed it, it was one of those things I found that made me really happy, which is pretty much not at all what I saw happening when I wrote it.

I started writing it, because I read a fic where Haruka was disabled, and then ~magically healed~ and it put a little bee in my bonnet.

I’ve been in fandom long enough to realize that the best attitude to have surrounding Shit You Hate is generally the back button. I am not a huge fan of the culture that’s risen around fic writing and the constant bullshit that makes writers leave fandoms all the time. So i didn’t yell about it, it was a poor choice and if I was going to mention anything about this thing that is my personal fucking bugbear, I would have done it privately.

But instead, I hit the back button, and I decided to write a story where Haruka was disabled, but learned to be very, very happy.

At the point I was one of the few people I really saw WRITING angst fic about Haruka and Michiru, and I was pretty well known for a sort of ‘full dark, no stars” writing style, versus the bittersweet stuff I’ve really come to tend to favor in my current incarnation. So I think it surprised even me that I had this really good end, because I’ve never been able to square with the really bleak idea, to me, that the girls are never freed from being Senshi. That they resurrect to die again, without freedom.

And so I wrote something where Haruka was hurt badly in the final battle, and they completed the cycle, and so Haruka was permanently injured. But she found happiness with her children, she got a college degree and a fun job and a lot of real personal satisfaction and learned to like herself, and it was such a warm place for me that I didn’t want to share it.

But I did, and people liked it, so here we are.

Thematically, after Haruka, I decided what I decided for a variety of reasons. I hurt Michiru’s arm because I wanted to have her talent “taken away” from her like Haruka’s, I wanted them to have to share that struggle to redefine yourself, I wanted Michiru to struggle with “imperfection.” And I wanted her to come out the other side. rei I made legally blind (though, like, oh, fuck 90% percent??? of blind people, she does have SOME vision, and it’s only as she gets older that she uses a cane) because of the Blind Seer trope. Mako’s leg I took because it felt right, that one’s strange in that I can’t remember why. Ami I killed because I didn’t want to write her. Hotaru I killed because I thought it added some really lovely stuff I could delve into with Haruka and her babies and guilt. Usaig and Mina I let come to no harm whatsoever because it made the narrative richer, to have them twinning in that sense, and it gave me a lot of emotional places to go with Mina.

M.A. came first, and was a total joke I wrote for myself, until she became real, and then I was a little stuck, but I really do love her, and she’s among my favorite OCs. Kimi’s name was also a joke, but it’s one people never catch because why would they: She’s named for Kimi Räikkönen, a racer, and Haruka was “totally getting over one” on Michiru, since Michiru named M.A.

I have Mamoru and Usagi divorce because destiny now has no value, they are free, and Mamoru Chiba is a gay man. I have her marry Seiya honestly because fuck it, I like Seiya.

It eventually ends in what I call the Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh, where Michiru dates just, so many women, so many women that are CONSIDERABLY younger than her, and she does not give one hot damn. Rei and Usagi eventually move in with her, as their spouses die, and it leaves me room for some fun hijinks.

If you have anything more specific, please let me know, and thank you so much for sending this!!

Do you have a question, want commentary, explanation on any of my writing? On my writing generally? Today’s the day! Send in your questions and requests!

#Au of Mystery and Shadow #seolh #Hollibirth Gala #Director's commentary

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docholligay · 6 years ago

Note

How powerful do you headcanon the Silver Crystal to be? (ex. a senshi can only be revived from death once)

Ah, the Silver Crystal, a truly hated geegaw. Who knows what it actually does? It is, canon wise, pretty unclear, other than acting as the Agent of Narrative Convenience. But, I mean, a lot of things in Sailor Moon don’t really hold up to scrutiny, it was a 90s children’s cartoon and selling toys was among its chief missions. But, we, as fine adults, don’t have to accept that. WE ARE THE FANFICCERS, WE TAKE WHAT IS OURS.

So one of the things I’m working with currently is my Talismans AU, wherein I basically try to puzzle out how I can have Michiru and Haruka die in the cathedral, and be revived, without annoying myself and everyone on the planet with a series of consequence free necromancy happenings on Usagi’s part.

(Spoilers for my Talismans Au follow. I don’t know that anyone is so invested as to care about that, but if you are, don’t read on)

So for that, the Silver Crystal IS the geegaw, and it IS a one time thing but not because the Silver Crystal has like, a ticket puncher and everyone gets one ride, but because there’s a choice made, and it warps and affects what was MEANT by Serenity to happen. It gives Usagi a choice in how her future goes.

If you think about it critically, there’s no reasons Usagi should be Sailor Moon, there was no Sailor Moon in the Moon Kingdom, there’s no logical reason you would put the princess you’re meant to protect as your literal front line, and while I can believe the Moon Kingdom was pretty stupid, that’s a bit beyond the pale for me.

So the Talismans Au takes place in a way that makes more sense to me: The Senshi are all awakened (Hotaru excluded,) they are searching for the princess, they know that bringing together the talismans will reveal the princess. Usagi is just Rei’s hilarious, dumb, incredibly well meaning friend. She hangs around the other girls because the other girls are around Rei, and she comes to be thoughtful with them in a very (AND I WOULD LIKE ALL THE MEDALS FOR THIS) positive Usagi sort of way.

When Haruka and Michiru die, for they do die, because Uranus and Neptune were a coward and a traitor respectively, and them being only a vessel for a talisman, meant to be broken and discarded, Usagi is awakened as Princess Serenity. Big power boom, everything, floating in the cathedral as Pluto offers the helpful exposition that this was as foretold, that Uranus and Neptune would die, and Princess Serenity would rise. That the girls will be meant to be her guardians, until the final defeat of Galaxia.*

And Usagi says no.

As the course of incredible power grips her, she refuses to let them be dead. If this power to seal the Talismans into them was the Queen’s, she must be able to mend the part of them that required it to survive. If the old ruler offered a punishment, the new ruler can pardon it. And she does it. Through this miracle moment, she rejects that she must become Serenity to be princess, and she rejects that someone had to die because someone they were not committed a crime. That’s not how her Kingdom works, if she’s going to be forced to take it. So they revive. It’s painful, it’s awful, it’s a lengthy recovery, but they live. And Usagi forces that power down into the crystal and she takes the crown into her hands and twists it into the same tiara her soldiers wear. She’ll fight with them.

No matter how bad an idea Minako says it is. No matter how inept she is at something she was never born to do.

But that flow of massive power that was her awakening is a one shot deal. It was a rush and a change, and it will never come again. Now if you die in Sailor Moon, you die in real life.

Which isn’t to say I think she has nothing, I think the Crystal still imparts some healing ability to her, and I think she would be delighted as anything to sort of be the medic by way of magic for the team. She can lend them strength to help them pull through, until their own bodies take over, but if someone is hurt too badly or too quickly, it’s still curtains.

So that’s my take--raising someone is a very specific event that is not repeatable and thus, remains special, but she still has use of it to aid and comfort her team. There’s no healing minibosses or anything, because I am on the “Sometimes you gotta kill people, man” train.

Thank you for the question!

*The Talismans Au is part of what I consider my personal “core canon” which ends up going all the way through to the AU of Mystery and Shadow/Bachelorette Exploits of the Widow Kaioh

#creative ask day #Anonymous

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