#But I can whip out the 'correct' grammar and spelling as needed to shut someone up who's being needlessly pretentious

[featureenvyproductions]

Going to forever keep advertising my shit with tropes because do I have to? No. Am I too "stupid" to do it another way? No, not really. And as you've all seen, I also am perfectly capable of writing real blurbs and do write real blurbs. But I think it's fun to make the pic with the tropes anyway and have that around too. And also it keeps the pretentious people away. The sort who don't understand reading is not always for taking a "discomfort" vitamin because they A) are privileged enough to not have discomfort every day of their life to need to escape from or B) are fresh out of college and haven't discovered the joys of/have been shamed OUT of reading as a fun low pressure thing they can do to escape when they're fucking tired (and they think this sort of thing is new with fanfic and not more or less how "trash" lit like romance novels are marketed), as opposed to reading as some sort of Moral Duty To Be Deep that was instilled in them by a middle aged straight white English professor who thinks one can fulfill this by writing 10 pages about books where people scream at each other, have affairs with young women, or Make Up A Guy to warn people about things that Could Happen (that *cough* already happen to marginalized people *cough*) Anyway it's my version of a scarecrow. Firing shots to keep the rent low. Come take a seat next to me in the dumpster my fellow raccoons.

[heartslogos]

the declassified texts of the inquisition’s elite [108]

(603):  i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso. (734):  please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso (603):  :) (603):  i can feel colors - (704):  i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity (908):  **cactuseses

-

“And here I thought Dagna was the slightly more responsible one between the two of you,” Herah says as Sera frantically texts Malika and Maxwell to check in Dagna for her. "I mean. It’s not much of a difference. Minuscule, really. You both are prone to bouts of irrational and frankly reckless behavior now and again, but Dagna’s outbursts of it tend to be a little more controllable. Shouldn’t you be calling someone with medical experience? Try Dorian, he was pre-med at some point, he should know something.”

“Pavus has the worst cell reception when he’s working,” Sera replies. “It’s because his labs are like…in a black out zone or something. Dunno. Hasn’t ever been an issue for me before. Never had to message him anything important. Don’t say Stitches or one of the Lavellans. Both Lavellans are off somewhere that isn’t Skyhold and Stitches never answers when he’s on shift. Malika’s glued to her phone like a true woman of her age and Maxwell’s. You know. Maxwell. A weird prep-jock socialite hybrid thing.”

“Not sure you should be calling people things, Sera.”

“Not sure you should be having six shots of espresso at once, but here we are. Andraste’s garters, she’s telling me she can see beyond time.”

“I thought time was a construct?”

“And she’s seeing beyond it now. Dagna, why couldn’t you wait for me to be there to do this? Between the two of us I’m the one with actual barista experience.” Sera groans. “And also extensive experience in the field of chemistry.”

“Is that what they call mixology now?”

“That too. I do have a degree in chemical engineering, though. All that charity money got put to use somewhere. Though I’m pretty sure that isn’t where she wanted it going.” Sera sneers before shaking her head. “Whatever. Anyway. I’m pretty sure that Dagna’s had worse. Her favorite test subject is herself after all. But like. Holy shit, you should not be alone after having six shots of espresso. Mixed with, like, who knows what else. Dagna dumps enough sugar in her coffee to warrant a shot of insulin. Dunno how she hasn’t gotten flagged as pre-diabetic yet.”

“It’s because aside from that she eats well,” Herah points out. “I’ve never seen Dagna go overboard on a meal. Or snack on anything.”

Sera sighs, shaking her head. “Fair, I guess. Alright, Maxwell’s heading to check on her now. I just hope that she isn’t going to try and finish it out of — dunno. Pride? Bull-headed-ness? A sheer determination to see things through? A bad habit of thinking not finishing food is a waste even if that food is actively trying to kill you? Do any of those sound about right?”

“I don’t know why you’d ask me, I wouldn’t know,” Herah says. “I bet she did finish it. And then she went back for more because she wanted to see if it was only like that because of the way she made it or if it’s genuinely like that.”

“No, shut up, don’t make me think about her having more than one of those.”

“If it’s for science she’s got to have had at least three.”

-

“You’re correcting spelling at a time like this? Your priorities, as always, are astoundingly off kilter,” Maxwell says. “Give me your phone so I can ask Malika the important questions.”

“Spelling is important,” Mahanon says, turning away and holding his phone a little closer to his chest as he continues to text Malika. “As well as understanding proper plurals.”

“Cacti is also a correct plural form.”

“In Orlais and Antiva, not in Ferelden or the Marches,” Mahanon replies. If Malika wants to work in social media — “

“You say those words like some people say the word slaughter house. Or labor mill. This is why you’re referred to as our resident cryptid.”

“ — then she should understand perception and use of localized grammar. Using the plural form cacti when she’s currently in the Marches — supposedly to gather positive opinion — is not going to be helped by her using the incorrect plural. Considering how the Marches correctly thinks Orlais is too fucking posh the perception — “

“You’re too into this,” Maxwell groans, cutting Mahanon off. “Mahanon, you’re in too deep. No one is analyzing the use of plurals that deeply.”

“Not actively, but subconsciously. Everyone analyzes language in the back of their mind, it’s how people survive and pick up cues. You know this. You’ve been raised with this knowledge and I’ve seen you use it to your benefit. Stop playing dumb and stop going easy on Malika. You aren’t doing her any favors. She wants to succeed and the rest of us who want her to succeed should be providing her the tools to do so,” Mahanon snaps. “Obviously it isn’t an active thing. The only ones who actively think about that are people who need to manipulate public opinion through these kind of methods. Also who cares about the consumption of a cactus? People do that all the time.”

“I’m begging you. Stop saying things like that. It makes it sound like you come from a separate reality and I don’t know how to handle it. No one eats cactus. Not that frequently. Not out of nowhere.”

“That’s not my problem,” Mahanon shrugs a shoulder. “And I don’t see why I should care.”

“Because you need me to be functional while we’re working.”

“I need you do I?”

“Evelyn would be ever so unhappy with you otherwise.”

“And that’s a problem for me, is it?” Mahanon responds dryly, but he passes Maxwell his phone. “Ask your questions. I’m going to  check on the progress of the security camera reprogramming. Also tell Malika that she needs to find something better to do than watch people make terrible financial choices at food festivals.”

“Thank you for that important context. And here I was thinking she was just watching a random person eating a cactus that had materialized out of the very ether.”

[star-gaz3rs]

Bookworm [Akira Kurusu x Tutor!Reader]

A/N: Why hello there! This is my first time ever writing an x reader, so I hope it isn’t too horrible. I’ve checked it over a few times for spelling and grammar errors, but there is always something that is going to get past me so I apologize in advance for that.

In a lot of x reader stories Akira/Ren is often the one helping reader-chan study, so I thought it would be rather interesting to see a story where the reader is the tutor for once. After all, it would make sense that Akira/Ren would be behind on lessons since he transferred to Shujin partway through the year.

I’ll be referring to Akira/Ren as Akira in this fic simply because I prefer that name.

also i headcanon that akira’s eyes are red just like in the all out attack so don’t @ me okay thanks enjoy

[Word Count: 1,256]

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“Shut up.” That got their attention. “Some of us are actually trying to pay attention in class since exams are next week, so shut up and listen,” you seethed at your classmates, careful to whisper so your teacher didn’t hear. Truth be told, you couldn’t give a crap about your upcoming exam for this class, already having a near perfect grade. However, if you had to hear one more word about the transfer student sitting next to you, you were going to lose it. It’s not like he’s the only person to participate in shady behavior at this school, but you guess it only mattered to them if you got caught for it. Looking back to your notes, you sighed to yourself contentedly, not hearing the classmates to your right gossiping anymore. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re being watched, however...

As the school bell rang and you gathered your belongings, you still felt eyes on you. Glancing around briefly, you only see a couple of your classmates grouping up together and the transfer student scribbling notes into a… diary? Journal? You weren’t really sure, but the feeling of uneasiness still came over you even after looking around for the source and finding nothing. Picking up your bag and swinging it around your shoulder, you began to head to your tutoring session in the library. After all, you needed the cash, and it was the best studying you were going to do for the exams anyway. And hey, maybe that feeling would go away.

It didn’t. You sat in the library with your tutee, who was furiously scribbling down the notes you had just given him about his essay performance. Even after moving locations, you still felt like you were being followed. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as you looked around however, except for… the transfer student? It seemed he was in the library as well, which was a bit of a shock to you. Still, it made sense, as many new faces showed up when exams loomed closely. Attempting to brush off the feeling, you looked back to your classmate and began to correct his work.

Before you knew it, it was already 5. ‘Time to head home,’ you thought to yourself with a quiet sigh. ‘Maybe I should play some video games tonight, or finish that book…’ you debated to yourself quietly when you felt the sensation of unease hit you again. There was no mistaking the feeling, you were definitely being followed. Picking up your pace slightly, you began to walk through the now empty hallways, attempting to find someone else so you wouldn’t feel so alone. You didn’t get too far in your search when suddenly there was a hand on your shoulder. You nearly screamed at the touch and whipped around, ready to sock someone in the face.

“Sorry. Did I scare you?” your “assailant” chuckled slightly as he removed his hand from your shoulder and adjusted his glasses. A slight smirk seemed to flash across his face for a moment at the thought, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly annoyed. Did he really feel that smug about startling you?

“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous,” you retorted a bit harshly, holding your bag closer to you and looking the boy in front of you up and down. A tall stature, lanky frame, messy black hair, and round rimmed glasses that nearly hid his crimson eyes from view completely. He almost looked like a nerd. You mentally scoffed at that thought. Although he didn’t have the appearance of a delinquent, you had still heard the rumors and while you weren’t going to participate in their harassment, you weren’t really planning on speaking to him either. “Anyways, what do you want? I need to get home,” you replied a bit coldly, hoping to end this conversation quickly.

“Am I holding you up? Sorry,” he replied with what seemed to be a rather genuine tone. “I just didn’t think you’d want to be seen with me earlier.”

So he’s the one that was following you? That… was slightly unnerving. Maybe he really was a delinquent. Oh crap, was he a delinquent? You could die! ...well, maybe not that far, but still, he could be dangerous. Should you run for it? Yell for help?

“I just wanted to thank you.”

Your thoughts of panic shattered at that sentiment. “W-what?” you replied, cursing yourself for stuttering.

“You know, for saying something earlier.” He began to rub the back of his neck and he looked a bit flustered as well. He quickly gained his composure again, however, unlike you.

“O-oh, of course,” you managed to stutter out again, completely unsure of what to say to him. Sure, you wanted to help out a little bit, but you never expected him to take an apology this far. After all, he had waited hours after school had ended before even approaching you because of his concern for your reputation, and you didn’t even know his name. That was… surprisingly kind of him.

“Oh, and, it’s Akira,” he responded, seeming to notice the confusion in your eyes. You however, only continued to stare blankly at him. “My name? It’s Akira Kurusu,” he elaborated.

That made more sense. “I see. Well it’s… nice to finally talk to you, Kurusu,” you responded, attempting to calm your nerves with the casualness of the statement.

“Akira. You can call me Akira,” Akira gave you a small grin and pushed his glasses up his nose again.

“Oh, sorry, Akira,” you replied, feeling a bit embarrassed to be calling him by his first name so quickly. You had spoken one time and he already wanted you to be on a first name basis? What an interesting boy.

“You’re a tutor though, right?” Akira asked. His head tilted ever so slightly in order to get a better look at your face, as you were beginning to look away from him, having a hard time making eye contact.

“Y-yeah.” your usually calm and slightly snarky demeanour was beginning to fall apart after thinking more about his insistence for you to call him Akira.

“That’s cool. You must be pretty smart to be able to do that,” the compliments rolled off his tongue nonchalantly. “Mind teaching me sometime before exams? I haven’t caught up on this school’s lessons.”

“U-um, sure, I wouldn’t mind…” your voice was becoming quieter and quieter with every word, and you were really struggling keeping eye contact with him at this point. Most people thought you were quite pretentious to be offering tutoring, it wasn’t often you heard such a genuine compliment. In fact, you heard jabs at you so often you had developed quite the icy personality. So why was Akira being so nice?

Akira gave you a small nod at your agreement, looking quite pleased to have found someone willing to teach him. “Well, I don’t want to hold you up anymore. I’ll see you around, bookworm.” He smirked at your reaction to the nickname, noticing the way your hands began to fidget with the strap on your bag.

“Y-yeah, I’ll see you,” you replied, still contemplating what he had just said. Bookworm? The name itself wasn’t that nice, but the way he said it made you feel… dizzy. You didn’t even realize he had left the hallway, or wait, did he leave the hallway? You weren’t quite sure. One thing you were sure of though, was that the light blush on your cheeks wasn’t going away anytime soon.