#aside from the fault of believing a value is universal because you possess it

[featureenvyproductions]

Going to forever keep advertising my shit with tropes because do I have to? No. Am I too "stupid" to do it another way? No, not really. And as you've all seen, I also am perfectly capable of writing real blurbs and do write real blurbs. But I think it's fun to make the pic with the tropes anyway and have that around too. And also it keeps the pretentious people away. The sort who don't understand reading is not always for taking a "discomfort" vitamin because they A) are privileged enough to not have discomfort every day of their life to need to escape from or B) are fresh out of college and haven't discovered the joys of/have been shamed OUT of reading as a fun low pressure thing they can do to escape when they're fucking tired (and they think this sort of thing is new with fanfic and not more or less how "trash" lit like romance novels are marketed), as opposed to reading as some sort of Moral Duty To Be Deep that was instilled in them by a middle aged straight white English professor who thinks one can fulfill this by writing 10 pages about books where people scream at each other, have affairs with young women, or Make Up A Guy to warn people about things that Could Happen (that *cough* already happen to marginalized people *cough*) Anyway it's my version of a scarecrow. Firing shots to keep the rent low. Come take a seat next to me in the dumpster my fellow raccoons.

[a-tale-never-told]

Honami. In most universe's SHE'S a member of the Reserve Course and taking her place is a spoiled brat who's good for traditional dancing and not much else. Yet she's still the same person personality wise that she is in your class

Aren't you explicitly forgetting that I said to NOT bring Honami into this? I mentioned that aside from Honami and Hajime, any member of the Reserve Course can be used as an example, yet you blatantly ignored my demands and went with Honami instead.

Nagito? Shut the actual fuck up for once.

!?

Honami what are you-

Relax, Mahiru. I've got this.

*Sighs* Komaeda, I don't want to argue or fight you simply because of the fact you're my dear classmate and I love all of you here. I appreciate so much the kindness and camaraderie of this class, and I truly am glad to be an Ultimate, as I finally feel special to be perfecting a talent since I was a little girl and to be around such genuine amazing people in my life. Mahiru, Ibuki, Mikan, Chiaki, I value all of you here and I'm proud to say that I enjoy being friends with each other so much.

But when you not only constantly put others down for simply not having a talent and basically insulting them over it, you had to resort to attacking one of my best friends in order to prove your hypocritical, self-righteous point! Multiple times, in fact!. And yet you absolutely had the gall to call Hajime a degenerate loser when you don't even know him personally.

Let me make this clear, Komaeda. I don't appreciate people insulting my closest friends, especially if it's someone that I know personally. I've tolerated your hope-filled rants for long enough, and I have to say that this is the saddest and most pathetic excuse I've ever seen you make. Insulting someone's parents just because they paid him entry into Hope's Peak? How moronic do you believe people are that they would make fun of this?

As someone who got to know him personally from the Reserve Course, as well as outside Hope's Peak, I can confidently say that Hajime Hinata is NONE of what you described of him. He's not a bigot. He's not worthless. He's not pathetic. And he is certainly not trash! He's quite the opposite in fact.

Hajime is truly one of the greatest and coolest people I've ever met in my time in the Reserve Course. Sure, he's cynical and a bit aggressive at times, but he's genuinely so pleasant to be around. He's kind and thoughtful to others despite all of the self-esteem issues and insecurities he possesses. He always tries to give advice to others and supports them even at the expense of his own ambitions.

Do you want to know how exactly I got into the Main Course? It was because of Hinata and his selfless attitude. I haven't told you guys about why I'm in the Main Course or how exactly I passed my exams, didn't I?

No, you have never told us anything about how you got into the Main Course and became a part of our class. Do tell, please.

Gladly. When I started out in the Reserve Course, I was desperately trying to pass my exams since I would always fail and slip up when I reached the final obstacle of the exam. Mahiru and the girls tried to reassure me that it wasn't my fault and that I was trying my best, but it never helped to calm down the ugly feeling of failure and disappointment I had in my mind.

I felt as if I had tried my hardest and given it my absolute all that I could pass and become an Ultimate, only to achieve failure at the last second. My schizophrenia didn't help me either, in reality, it made things exponentially worse. You want to know what's the hardest part about having schizophrenia and dealing with it? It's that feeling that everyone is out to get you, always making fun of you, judging you for every single little thing in life.

I've had to deal with this condition constantly every day, telling me that everyone hates me and that everything bad in my life is my fault. It's gotten to the point where I become a paranoid mess when it comes to interacting with others because I never know if they are genuine or not. I was hesitant to trust other students and people aside from Mahiru and the others, but that's because I knew them before coming to this academy!

The worst part about schizophrenia is that it makes you severely doubt every single aspect of your life. You start to doubt your friends, others around you, and who you interact with if they are truly your friends or not, and if they really care for your well-being. It's gotten to the point where I even doubted my own FATHER for God's sake for believing in me! I didn't even know if he was supposed to be helping me and consoling me like a good dad, or if he was just manipulating me and saying those things to prevent me from questioning the society we live in.

Throughout this period of my life, I couldn't trust anyone, simply due to the influence of the voices inside of me, telling me that they didn't care for me, that they were out to judge me and betray me for the smallest of reasons, while constantly telling me that this is all my fault, that I'm useless and pathetic, that I could never even dream of having friends or being a part of the Main Course, and that I was always destined for failure and suffering wherever I go and whoever I meet. I lost WEEKS of sleep just from these constant projections of paranoia alone!

I seriously was at a low point in my entire career as not only a Reserve Course student but as a person attending Hope's Peak in general. Not only do I have to pass an extremely difficult exam that will guarantee, but I also have to deal with my crippling schizophrenia in the process of training and studying to pass the exam! I was severely doubting whether or not I was truly worthy or not to pass the exam, become a student in the Main Course, hang out with my childhood friends, to even be a part of this academy or society at all!

But throughout this difficult time of being uncertain about my future in Hope's Peak, Hajime was always there to comfort me and give me advice on how to perfect my skills on a level good enough to pass my exam. He was constantly giving me support and archery advice and even volunteered to take days off from studying just so he could help me with my archery training.

Eventually, the day of the test came. I was supposed to hit four bullseyes at 6 targets with my eyes completely closed shut with a blindfold, all at once. Honestly, nobody would've even gotten past the first bullseye after taking off the blindfold. I was only given about 20 minutes to prepare myself and I was only given 5 stacks of arrows each. It was difficult, but Hinata and the girls were there, cheering me on to succeed and simply perform my best, no matter what score I got.

So I simply took a deep breath, tried to focus on the target, and fired the arrows into the target. When I removed the blindfold, I saw that the arrows had hit all of the targets, with near-precision aiming and pinpoint accuracy. I was overwhelmed with happiness and relief, to the point where I actually started to cry tears of joy in the middle of the course, and gave Hinata and the girls a massive hug and thanked them for all of their support throughout this difficult time.

I remember that day! You were so overjoyed at the thought of us being your classmates and being a part of our class that you couldn't even stop leaking tears of happiness for 4 days straight! I can't even imagine how much it must've felt to be a part of the main course and come to see us!

More than you could even imagine... I wanted to get into the Main course more than anything... to be with my close friends and spend the rest of our high school years together. And in the end, I got something even more incredible at that, by being part of such a wonderful class and being friends with some of the most talented and kindhearted individuals I've ever met. I made so many friends in the Main Course, even if they were a bit strange. But in the end, I actually enjoyed the class more than I thought, and I ended up getting attached to those guys more than I expected to.

We've been through some wholesome and life-experiencing moments together as a class, doing multiple different activities that Miss Yukizome set up for us in order to bond with one another, like trying on a kimono for the first time, having a picnic at the city park, and even skiing in the Austrian Alps in the winter! I've created healthy bonds with my classmates and made so many memories with this class over the span of a year, and I truly feel like I'm actually a part of something bigger. For the first time in years, I truly have people who care about me and support me in whatever I do, be it archery or anything else I enjoy.

And I all owe that to Hinata. Thanks to him, I got a chance to become an actual person and have friends outside of the ones I made since childhood. I have a wonderful and incredible teacher that I'm blessed to have, and I got to be part of an amazing class with kindhearted and respectable individuals. So I have to honestly thank him for that, as without him, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. But I am, and it's all thanks to his advice and wisdom that I was able to succeed and become part of a truly incredible experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.

[leahazel]

7KPP MBTI - over-long and completely unedited meta

I’m just copy/pasting this from my notes software with no editing. If you’re brave enough to read the whole thing, more power to you. It’s about 3K words all in all.

I was in a doctor's waiting room this morning (I have the flu and I was waiting for a chest x-ray) and while I waited, I was thinking about some recent thoughts I had about D&F, and how they've changed my mind on some MBTI typings I've had for the 7KPP NPCs. I've been musing on the MBTI subject on and off for as long as I've been playing the game (first post here: https://leahazel.tumblr.com/post/126655090075/congratulations-on-the-kickstarter-also-if), and I've typed most of my own MCs and other OCs. In fact, for some of them, their MBTI and enneagram types are pretty central to their character arc.

But some characters are more well-developed than others, and some are quite difficult to type. And, of course, impressions are subjective. Since I'm fluish and too tired to actually write any fanfic (I have several unfinished), I might as well do a proper post of all my typings.

If I were at full strength, I'd so a whole resources section with links about what MBTI is and how it works. Since I'm not, I'll give the bare minimum background. MBTI is a personality typing system based on Jungian cognitive function theory. You can find everything from official descriptions written by professionals, to jokey quizzes and Tumblr memes, all over the internet. My favorite fannish MBTI account is @funkymbtifiction. I love their character typings and I rely on them for nuanced takes on the different types.

Without getting too much into my typing philosophy, here are the 7KPP NPCs, grouped somewhat arbitrarily.

Introverted sensing types

The four types marked SJ use the introverted sensing function as either their primary or auxiliary cognitive function. Stereotypically, Si-using types are hidebound, dutiful and traditional, reliable but also stubborn and rigid. Certainly unhealthy SJ types act like this a lot of the time. More mature, healthier people of the same types have access to all of Si's strengths -- an eye for detail, conscientious work ethic, a strong sense of honor -- while being aware of their weaknesses, and compensating for them.

ISTJ - Cordelia and Jasper are both ISTJ types. They share some of the same strengths and vulnerabilities. Both are very emotionally contained, but have difficulty expressing affection openly. At the same time, they have a strong moral compass and inner sense of right and wrong. This is typical of the Te/Fi function pair in the secondary/tertiary positions. Both of them have personal dilemmas and character journeys revolving around the tension between tradition and novelty. When frustrated or at a loss, they're prone to retreating into loops of rumination (Si-Fi loop), or spiraling into anxiety about future possibilities and everything that can possibly go wrong (inferior Ne). Cordelia is the more stable of the two. When we meet Jasper, he's already in the midst of a personal crisis. I suspect Sayra is also an ISTJ and generally write her with this type in mind, but not enough is known of her to pin her type down.

ISFJ - Penelope and Ria are both ISFJ types. Both of them are kind, gentle and helpful as ISFJs often (stereotypically) are, and are prone to putting other people's needs ahead of their own, as Fe-users often are. ISFJs thrive on the power of friendship and community, and excel at promoting harmony for the benefit of all. Disharmony, cruelty and rudeness make them anxious and upset, but they also possess hidden reservoirs of both fortitude and courage, especially in defense of others. As Si-users, they have a keen appreciation for the aesthetics of small, everyday details, and as Fe-users, they feel a strong need to put up a persona that reflects what others expect of them. When their desires are at odds with group harmony, they can struggle to assert themselves. Both Penelope and Ria have character arcs that show them to be strongly motivated by a sense of justice and fairness, being stronger than they initially appear to be, and willing to come into conflict with established mores when necessary.

ESTJ - General Falon is an ESTJ, and I believe he's the only one out of the characters I've named here (there are some characters that I don't feel I know enough about to type). As Falon is a minor character and not very well-developed, he adheres closely to ESTJ stereotypes and doesn't provide much nuance. He's driven by duty and honor and values tradition, hierarchy and efficiency. When driven out of his comfort zone he becomes easily flustered. He has a hard time seeing things from other people's point of view, is weak at diplomacy, and his discourse style lacks tact. Many traits that are typical of the extroverted thinking function.

ESFJ - Emmett and Lisle are both ESFJ types, and both pretty typical, although in slightly different ways. Here's the controversial part: I now think Jarrod is also an ESFJ, and I'll explain why, but I want to start with the simpler, more linear characterization.

ESFJ types use extroverted feeling as their leading cognitive function. It's a powerful emotional function that excels at both reading people's behavior and intentions, and reflecting that behavior back at them. Fe-dom types, when healthy, switch handily between personas appropriate to their surroundings, they know how to read the room's mood, and when they want to influence people, they know how to form an argument that's tailored to their conversation partner. On the downside, Fe-users can get lost in their masks or lose sight of their own goals, because they read other people's desires so readily. When supported by Si, introverted sensing, their desire for stability and continuity can hinder them from considering the possibilities of positive change. They can be cautious to a fault. Lisle is a typical ESFJ and his difficulty in opening up about negative emotions can be attributed his the Fe-driven desire to promote social harmony above all. Emmett does not initially seem like an SJ type or a J type at all, because judging types are not usually perceived as being as open-minded and easy-going as he is. This however is more of an adaptation to the circumstances his family life thrust him into, not by his own decision, and Emmett several times expresses a desire for a more stable home and family life.

Now, about Jarrod. On the face of it, his behavior is more consistent with a thinking type than a feeling type. He has no patience for anything soft or tender, he's quite aggressive and demanding, comfortable handing out orders. These are behaviors associated especially with extroverted thinking, which would make one think he should be an ESTJ or ENTJ. Likely ESTJ, since he shows a clear preference for a stable subjective sensory environment, typical of an Si-user. In fact, I'd initially typed him as ESTJ and I was comfortable with that typing until recently. However! You can't type a character based only on a type's weaknesses. If he's really an ESTJ, he should have an ESTJ's strengths, too. Looking at General Falon, he might be hidebound and inflexible, but he's also hard-working, efficient, and has the kind of natural air of authority that's so useful to a general. Jarrod yells at servants, but struggles to get them to obey his orders. He's not very organized or efficient, and can't manage to wake up on time even with a battery of servants at his disposal. The only sphere he shows any discipline in at all is his physical training. He's... not very smart, and his week one dialogue shows a lack of basic strategic understanding, quite aside from being tragically ill-informed. Jarrod doesn't act like an ESTJ, he acts like someone trying to be an ESTJ and failing, badly.

In MBTI circles, a lot is made of statistics that show that thinking types are disproportionately men, and feeling types are disproportionately female. This affects a lot of people's self-typing, because it introduces bias. Gender norms in the 7KPP universe are based on our own, and while we haven't seen a lot of direct evidence of the idea that men are inherently more logical and less emotional than women... it's not implausible that this belief is just as common in the Seven Kingdoms as it is in reality. Jarrod's particular flavor of "rationality" looks a lot more like the rationalization of a feeling type, in the grip of his inferior thinking function. The Si/Ne function pair still fits, and so ESFJ is my conclusion. I would elaborate and say that the mimicking abilities  of extroverted feeling as a dominant function are especially suited to a young person attempting to emulate a stronger personality in order to gain acceptance and social cachet.

...Wow. That was long.

Extroverted sensing types:

SPs, sensing perceiving types, are very different from sensing judging types. The sensory cognitive function they use is extroverted, less subjective and personal than Si, more grounded in external reality. This makes them more flexible but also more disorganized. Part of the reason why so many cast members are Si-users is because the Summit itself is such a socially rigid environment, where perceiving types in general are less likely to fit in. Se-users especially are more impulsive and that's reflected well in the two main SP types in the cast, Hamin and Anaele. Both of them struggle with the strictures of the Summit's schedule and rigid behavioral codes, and are constantly seeking outlets for their enormous physical and social energy.

Aly has said explicitly that Hamin is an ESFP, and that tracks. His superficial behavior is driven overwhelmingly by the demands of the energetic Se function, which demands a lot of attention and forms most of his public persona, his reputation. His quieter, more hidden side is emotionally driven and has a strong moral core looking for an outlet, both in terms of his desire to do right in the world, and in terms of his strong interpersonal relationships. Subtler still, you can see the signs of his tertiary function, Te, in his leadership ability and his efficiency in accomplishing tasks -- as long as he deems them important enough to be worth his attention (Fi-Te). Thinking about the future makes him anxious, because his future-oriented inferior Ni function is weak and under-developed. That's the main thrust of his personal character arc.

I went back and forth on Anaele, but eventually typed her as an ESTP. ESTP and ESFP types can appear similar some of the time, simply because the leading function is so extroverted it can overwhelm the expression of the auxiliary function, especially in public. Ana's Ti function isn't always super obvious, but her tertiary Fe is evident in her constantly struggling with the idea of social consensus and social responsibility. Her reputation and the reputation of her warriors is important to her, as is Skalt's standing among the kingdoms and her standing with her mother. At the same time, she resents the need to fit in and to conform herself to other people's ideas about who she is and how she should behave. She also has some of the positive aspects of tertiary Fe, she can be charming and reassuring and supportive, and generally has a good grasp of how to influence the mood of the room, when she's willing to put in the effort. Her insistence on speaking with Skaltic cadences even though she knows they sound wrong to the speakers of the common language is exactly the kind of stubborn oppositional behavior typical of ESTPs who like to provoke a reaction, without necessarily thinking through what they're provoking.

Jaslen and Blain are also probably ESP types, but I'm not confident about their typing, at least not enough to pin a specific type.

Introverted intuition types:

NJ types are targets for all sorts of stereotypes and mystification in MBTI communities. In fiction, they often appear as extraordinary characters, world-changing types, great heroes or villains or even mentors. The Ni function is described as being big picture oriented, very abstract, intuitive and futuristic. Judging intuitives sometimes seem to be reaching for "a target no one else can see", which is probably why they're often seen as being intellectual or artistic geniuses. Or, at least, really good at faking it. NJ types in the 7KPP universe are usually characters who are hiding important secrets, mostly about things bigger than themselves. They're driven by great conviction and not easily derailed from their plans.

ENFJ: Aly has stated that this is her type and also Clarmont's type, and in fact a significant part of his characterization seems to revolve around it. Feeling types are more ethically-driven than thinking types, at least stereotypically, and Clarmont is not an exception. He has a vision for the future that he's willing to sacrifice for. He has deep convictions, but he's also able to dine and dance with his mortal enemies, without betraying his true thoughts or feelings. In fact, he so excels at hiding his intentions that the Matchmaker makes a point of remarking on it.

INFJ: Look, I know I just said that feeling types are ethical, but the prototypical INFJ in the 7KPP verse is Gisette. It's easiest to explain by contrasting her with Avalie. Both Gisette and Avalie show certain common traits: they are contained, composed, ambitious, manipulative, and unscrupulous. They both know how to pull people's strings and like peeking inside people's heads to see through to their true intentions. The difference is, the way they do it is different. Avalie is a thinking type, and she operates like a chess player. She sets people in scenarios that cause them to reveal themselves. Gisette is an INFJ, and her auxiliary function is extroverted feeling. To execute her grand vision (Ni), she manipulates people through social convention, using gossip to tear down reputations and carefully curating her own public image. Gisette's weak one event is absolutely typical of an amoral FE-user. She doesn't hesitate to use the power of social convention to position people according to her needs. He tertiary Ti function shines through in her tactical thinking skills, and her inferior Se function is apparent in her love of fashion, as well as her ability to pounce on opportunities when her carefully laid plans go awry.

As a side note, I believe that Countess Yvette is also an INFJ, but it's harder to gather evidence for it, since she has a fairly minor role, all in all.

INTJ: Avalie and Woodly are both INTJs. INTJ is often touted as the chessmaster type, and it makes perfect sense as a type for people who prefer pulling strings in the background, as opposed to openly passing out orders, like General Falon. Not much more to be said about that, except that the manifestation of INTJ functions can be affected by social convention. Avalie is an attractive young woman and Woodly is an older man who is much more socially established, and naturally this affects how agreeably they interact with others. Thinking types are not stereotypically known as being particularly polite or graceful, in the social sense. But, the introverted intuition function is very calculating, and the extroverted thinking function is results-driven. With time, a woman with a TJ type can learn to mimic behaviors that create the illusion of the feminine softness that's expected of her. Avalie in particular does this very well.

ENTJ: My second controversial typing, I insist that Zarad is an ENTJ. The persona he puts up is that of an ESFP, like Hamin, but as his opening narration says, no one whose reputation is that consistent can be exactly what he seems. Zarad's public persona, that of the careless flirt and black sheep, is a bit too much of a textbook description of an ESFP. It lacks the depth and nuance of Hamin's internal conflict. Putting up an elaborate facade for years on end is not something that an Fi-user, like an ESFP, is typically proficient in. A judging type is more likely to succeed at this, specifically either an Fe-dom or a Te-dom. The reason why I zeroed in on ENTJ for his true type, is that ENTJs and ESFPs have the same cognitive functions, but in a different stacking. This commonality would allow Zarad to more effectively access the thought process that would be typical of the type he's assuming -- it's all there under the surface, it's just not his natural, instinctual behavior. I also think part of the reason that he and Hamin collaborate so well is that they're not the same type, but rather they complement each other's strengths and weaknesses. The confounding factor is that the difference between Hamin and Zarad is not just in type, but in environment. Hamin definitely couldn't maintain the type of long-term deceit that Zarad engages in, but maybe an ESFP who was raised in the secretive and backstabbing Corvali imperial court could.

Extroverted intuitive function:

The only NP type in the cast, as far as I can tell, is Lyon. He is canonically an INTP, which Aly has confirmed is based on several of her family members. His introverted thinking function fixates on the idea of an internal, consistent and logical inner world, at the cost of interacting with the messy and subjective outer world. This causes him to rationalize emotional behavior patterns and close himself off. As part of his character arc, the auxiliary function of extroverted intuition opens up possibilities for him, because what Ne excels at most is offering up lots of alternative explanations based on existing parameters. For example, "what if not everyone hates me?" or, "what if sometimes things actually go right?" I'm being sarcastic about this because I'm an Ne-user myself, so I'm allowed.

Odds and ends:

Minor characters like Imogen and Mrs. White don't have types, because we don't know them well enough. Specifically, we don't get to contrast their typical, healthy behavior with their behavior under stress. Kade, Leala and Greer don't yet have types or enough characterization for typing, but based on my intuition and what I've learned about Aly's writing, I have preliminary predictions. Leala is probably an ESFP like Hamin. Greer is most likely an INTP, or else possibly an ISTJ or even ESTJ. I would guess that she's an introvert, but as her leading function is definitely a thinking one (as her blunt speaking style reveals), Te-dom is also a possibility. Kade is a bit of a wild card, but I'm placing bets on either ISTP or ENTP, just for the sake of novelty.

Among my own problem princesses, I have an assortment of at least three quarters of the types. Least represented are the FP types, excepting Princess Felicity, who's an ENFP, and widow Selene, who's an ISFP. If you add in the supporting OCs, they really run the gamut.

[lvmiieres]

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    maddison   jaizani,   demiwoman,   she   &   they   /   s.l.u.t.   by   bea   miller,   clothes   strewn   around   an   otherwise   tidy   room,   worn   pointe   shoes   placed   with   care   upon   the   nearest   soft   surface.   dark   hair   pulled   back   into   messy   ponytail   with   a   pink   scrunchie,   lacy   bralettes   worn   beneath   warm   wool   jumpers   in   pastel   colors.   the   soft,   crackling   sound   of   etta   james   coming   through   on   a   floral   patterned   record   player.    ⧽   ━━   don't   look   now,   but   that's   the   coquette,   also   known   as   MARIE-RENOIR   NOÉMIE   LUMIÉRE.   i   heard   their   father   is   LUMIÉRE,   the   casanova   of   all   candelabras.   the   TWENTY   ONE   year   old   is   a   junior   at   auradon   university   and   is   majoring   in   EDUCATION.   they've   always   been   CONGENIAL   &   SAGACIOUS   &   AUDACIOUS   ;   but   i've   heard   they   can   be   pretty   PERTINACIOUS   &   INSCRUTABLE   &   ACERBIC,   too.   you   can   check   out   their   stat   page   HERE   and   their   pinterest   board   HERE.

there   was   something   SOFT   &   MOIST   about   her,                                a   dare,   a   rage,   an   intolerable   tenderness.

SECTION ONE OF THREE : BIOGRAPHY

she is the bridge between two cultures. the connecting sinew of two different worlds. marie-renoir noémie lumiére is born in the midst of her parents honeymoon period on a dewy winter morning. her father is committed to monogamy, until he isn’t. her mother is content, until she is not. they are HAPPY, until they aren’t. looking back, the fault lies on no one’s shoulders in particular. the problem lay not with them as individuals, but them as a partnership - a lesson, in it’s own way, that good friends should try to avoid that leap into romance that they thought would take them all the way. by the time that she is celebrating a year of LIFE, her mother and father have amicably split ; no hard feelings, just endless respect. custody is verbally agreed, not bitterly battled. her father can ensure the finest education, the finest things in life - summers will be spent with her mother, while the rest of the year she will call her father’s abode her home. they grow up with two languages flowing fluently from their tongue, with an appreciation for each half of THEMSELVES that few people possess in full.

the time spent with her mother is spent soaking up the sun and being the child that they are. summers are freedom, in their books, from all the expectations of the rest of the year. burdens that certainly feel like so, though they try to act as if they don’t. at home with their father, they are privately educated and expected to excel. this is fine. they can take that pressure on their shoulders with grace, they think, so long as they are always able to dance. it’s an unexpected talent. in day to day, they are clumsy - even as a child, they bumped their head and scratched their knees in an all manner of avoidable accidents. they will never be one to wear heels in fear of toppling, and so, the insistence to be enrolled with a local company after watching a performance of swan lake makes her father chuckle. he expects her to quit when she realizes that she isn’t capable of such delicate movements and graceful twirls, but six months later when he sits in the audience and witnesses her perform in don quixote, he is not able to hide the TEARS that spring to his eyes. so begins a lifetime of ballet lessons four times weekly, recitals every other month. they swiftly become one of the company’s most prized students, a prima ballerina in all ways but title. they are known to be clumsy, and they laugh along with others who poke harmless fun - but when they tie their pointe shoes on and step onto a stage, they are something different. something beautiful. something world ending.

their mother remarries. their father does not. they love their stepfather and later on, their little half siblings with all of their might - they tolerate half of their fathers conquests, though some leave truly lasting impressions. still, there is no ill will, and every christmas they gather as one to celebrate. it is strange, she thinks. this set up that they have. as they grow older, as they share details with their friends, they are told and they realize that people don’t think that it’s exactly normal. she asks her mother, one day, why she smiles so widely at the new partner on her fathers arm each year. why she isn’t hurt by his actions. why she didn’t stay. she’s genuinely CURIOUS, and her mother doesn’t treat the subject as taboo - she fixes a soft expression in place that is reserved just for her, and the words she says form a key part of noémie’s character : your father’s heart is simply too big for just one person, and mine is not. i’ll always love him. he’ll always love me. it’s no ones fault that the way we love wasn’t compatible.

they think, later, that they relate a little bit to that sentiment. that aside from natural confidence, they might just have inherited that too big heart from their FATHER, too. they’re electric. growing close to people isn’t hard when you’re a magnetic force, and noémie is never without company. she values deep connection, the most. she doesn’t think that she could ever fall for someone who didn’t know her blind. but she learns, as she grows, that she enjoys fleeting romance. even if she knows that she won’t allow it last, it is still nice to be entwined with another’s life, for a time.

SECTION TWO OF THREE : OVERVIEW

born marie-renoir noémie lumiére on february 20th, 1998, to eustache lumiére & fontaine la croix. her mother and father - good friends for years - married in the summer of ‘97 due to a medical condition known as ‘pregnancy’. they amicably split six months after noémie’s birth.

their custody arrangement involved emmy living with lumiére from september to late may, as his job and social standing assured the greatest upbringing for her. her mother took her from june through august.

no real drama, parents wise. her mother remarried and had twin daughters a few years later, and lumiére remained a player. the two continued to get along like a house on fire for noémie’s entire life, and joined one another for multiple holiday’s during the year. 

suffered from bacterial meningitis as a child, resulting in a loss of hearing in her right ear. 

expectations were rampant, but lumiére meant well. he wanted a good life for her, so he pushed her to excel. this was all well and good, given that she certainly had the capacity for it, but it has left her with a perfectionist complex in adult life.

found her first love in ballet, and has yet to really find a second. she’s one of her company’s most prized jewels, and holds the honor of being the student with the most starring roles under her tutu. her dance talent shocks EVERYBODY who knows her due to her undeniable clumsiness in day to day life, but that doesn’t really matter.

they were an early bloomer, so to speak, and this has been a blessing and curse. they’ve always been comfortable with who they are. other people have not. 

SECTION THREE OF THREE : HEADCANONS

noémie loves love, but perhaps is not as built for it as she would like. she gets a certain thrill from flirtation and she enjoys being with people. it isn’t a crime, she thinks, to date often and never truly commit. there have, of course, been those who have treated it as such. she’s not a stranger to slurs, and she knows that there are certain rumors ( some of which there’s truth to ) spread of her, routinely. but no one raised primarily by the casanova that lumiére is has much SHAME attached to who they are.

she has gone by noémie for so long, sometimes even she forgets that it isn’t her GIVEN name. she can thank her paternal grandmother for the clunky first name that she has never quite enjoyed ; she died the same week that she was BORN, missing her grandchild’s arrival into the world by little more than a day. it was meant to be an honor, she’s told, but if it was… then why did it weigh her down so much? perhaps it offended her father, in a way, but at least noémie was hers.

she had just turned four when she was struck down with bacterial meningitis. her mother thought that it was nothing but a summer flu, but when her fever began to reach unheard of heights, the PANIC set in. the doctor who saw to her insisted she be brought to the nearest emergency room immediately, and she didn’t see the outside of that hospital again until two weeks had passed. she survived UNSCATHED, at least - in a sense. single sided deafness in her right ear, specifically. her parents were told that she was incredibly lucky that she was even alive, and that they should be grateful for such a small price. they didn’t feel the way they were told they should, but they certainly passed on the sentiment to their little girl when she grew and wondered why she was not quite the same to the other kids she knew. her mother learned bsl and her father learned lsf, and she learned enough in both to make her life that little bit easier. it was by no means easy - the learning or the life that followed - but she was young and adaptable, and it served as a harsh reminder that sometimes, the world will take. in her mid teens, she underwent the surgery to implant a transcranial cros - a bone anchored hearing aid, to you and i, that provided a MARKED improvement.

she’s never actually had a relationship, completely by design. she’s never DATED. noémie enjoys flings, she enjoys flirtation, she loves sex - but she won’t put herself in a position to disappoint someone when she can’t be what they want her to be. she’s open with anyone she finds herself involved with. no strings attached, non exclusive, it’s never going to go anywhere. anyone who doesn’t listen, anyone who ends up hurt because they believe she’ll change her mind.... that’s on them.

she can be quite... vain, to put it mildly. you have to keep in mind that noémie is someone who has been set up from a young age as... a real beauty. her looks have been valued, even if she has not been. she’s aware that she’s conventionally attractive, and she’s aware that it makes her life easier in a lot of ways. it does not, however, help her to be taken more seriously in life. 

her grade point average is in the top tenth percentile, a standing she’s maintained for years. not only is she BEAUTY, but she’s also quite literally brains. 

she’s all shorts and bralettes beneath soft knit sweaters. she smells of lavender and cedar, exclusively. she’s ONLY comfortable when she’s wearing her pointe shoes. 

[dear-wormwoods]

Same Hogwarts anon from before! Thank you so much for the answer. I actually really loved how long and in depth your analysis for Richie was haha. You definitely have me as a believer for Gryffindor!Eddie and Slytherin!Richie now. If you ever felt like doing any of the other Losers, that’d be pretty great. :D

Ahhh! Thank you so much! It honestly makes my day when anyone takes the time to not only read one of my longass posts, but also to leave me a message about it! I love you, anon. And I’m glad you’re a believer!! 

I don’t know if I’ll ever do anything that intense for the other Losers, simply because I just don’t have the same level of emotional connection with them as I do with Eddie (and sort of by extension, Richie). But maybe shorter versions, someday haha. 

For now, these are my remaining sorting headcanons:

Bill: Gryffindor. I think an argument can be made for Adult Bill as a Slytherin, but I attribute that character shift more to him not having the moral guidance and expectation of leadership and bravery that the Losers placed on him. As a kid, I think Bill’s very brave and protective, particularly when it comes to Eddie (the parallels between Eddie and Georgie and how that relates to Bill’s guilt could be its own post). Bill is brave in almost a destructive way… he doesn’t think at all about his own safety and he honestly doesn’t think TOO much about anyone else’s safety, either, aside from a sort of grim acceptance that he’d be responsible if they all died, since pursuing IT was his idea. He is very quick to run off and try to be The Hero, in order to go it alone and save his friends, but this usually backfires and puts everyone in more danger by separating the group. He’s a textbook Gryffindor, particularly in regard to the recklessness. As an adult he becomes more selfish, but we don’t talk about Adult Bill here…

Ben: Hufflepuff. I know this seems obvious because Ben is so sweet, but here’s the thing about Hufflepuffs… They’re loyal - but not to a fault like Gryffindors are. They’re loyal to those who are kind, hard-working, truly good, and loyal in return. They have a strong work ethic and they’re super trustworthy. These traits are obviously very Ben. Buuuuut!!!! Hufflepuffs are NOT people to cross. Hufflepuffs are the most kind and honest people, but if you hurt or betray them or someone they love, they can turn fierce in an instant. I think this is probably the reason Ben is a TRUE Hufflepuff and the reason that is often overlooked when sorting Ben. Ben has an incredible work ethic, he’s super focused, he’s super helpful, he’s encouraging and patient when teaching and explaining. He’s kind, helpful, trustworthy, comforting, and loyal to his friends and his mom. But if you cross Ben?? If you push his buttons or hurt someone he loves? Ben will go OFF. Ben is a BEAST when he has to be. And that’s the sort of emotional intensity that really defines Hufflepuff. Don’t fuck with ‘em. 

Bev: Slytherin?? I should preface this explanation by saying that I’m really only going off the book when I’m making these decisions, because some characters are fairly different in the movie… and also, that I’m not a fan of book Bev, for a number of reasons (mostly Stephen King’s fault for being so bad at writing girls/women). So I’m biased, and unlike Richie, I don’t see Bev as really displaying the Slytherin traits in a positive way very often. That all being said, I put Bev in Slytherin because she’s a clever, ambitious girl who goes after what she wants when she decides she wants something. That would be a positive quality if it weren’t for the fact that she very much uses subtle manipulation tactics (namely, using her sexuality) to achieve those goals. But hey, Slytherins use any means to achieve their ends! She can be deceptive, and she can be selfish, and she really doesn’t hold much regard for other people’s feelings… how much of that is Bev the Character and how much is SK being bad at writing women… it’s hard to tell. The most positive Slytherin quality Bev possesses is the self-preservation aspect. Bev is a survivor, above anything else. She has dealt with a lifetime of abuse, but even in those situations she learns to navigate through them as painlessly as possible. It’s complicated. Bev’s personality is NOT as fleshed out as the other characters, so it’s hard to sort her confidently. 

Mike: Ravenclaw. I can get behind Gryffindor Mike or even Hufflepuff Mike, because I think in the movie he is portrayed that way more. But book Mike falls firmly in the Ravenclaw category for me, due to how much he values exploring, learning, and listening. He absorbs information more than any of the other Losers. His father (also a Ravenclaw!!) instilled in him a value for knowledge and the SEEKING of knowledge at an early age, and Mike continues down that path for the rest of his life. He painstakingly records Derry’s history, not just out of obligation but out of genuine interest. Mike thinks well on his feet, but he’s not foolish - he’s very practical. But that doesn’t mean he’s close-minded. His willingness to learn, accept, and believe is VERY Ravenclaw. I think he was one of the last ones standing in the smoke house because he was most interested in learning/experiencing the potential visions - he stuck it out due to a desire to learn (Richie, on the other hand, stuck it out because he wanted to prove something to himself and the others). Mike’s main Ravenclaw traits are his intelligence, his wisdom, and his open and accepting mind. Which brings us to…

Stan: Ravenclaw. But for very different reasons than Mike! Stan embodies the Ravenclaw traits of originality, wit, and individuality. Stan is a weird kid. He’s fastidious and meticulous and focused on order and what he perceives as the laws of the universe. He’s not a mystical guy, he’s not a religious guy. However, he IS weird. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of birds, he has a very unique and often not understood sense of humor and dry wit, and his priorities in life are very adult well before he’s actually an adult. He also may or may not be sort of psychic. The problem with Stan is that he is also close minded. He doesn’t have the open mind that Mike has, so he has the most trouble understanding and accepting IT’s existence. But… despite that, I still think his intelligence and quirkiness qualifies him as a Ravenclaw. 

(For anyone just seeing this… I made separate posts for Eddie and Richie!)

[archivesdiveronarpg]

Congratulations, LESLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of CLAUDIUS. Admin Bree: Put simply, this application was everything I’ve been looking for in a Clark app and more. You nailed him from start to finish, from your analysis to your interview (his cigarette, his nagging conscience) to the faintly nostalgic para sample (the violin, in particular). You brought him to life in all of his terrible, tragic glory, and I can’t thank you enough for applying. I can’t wait to see what you do with him on the dash! Welcome to DiVerona! Your request to change his faceclaim to Richard Armitage has also been accepted. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours. 

                                                                              WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Leslie

Age | 17

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | I’m attending summer school by June and school starts in July, which means I’ll inevitably come across busy weekdays and weekends. However, my activity is mostly still dictated by how much muse I have for my character. Writing is never an issue for me so long as my muse hasn’t been milked dry that day.

Timezone | GMT +8

Current/Past RP Accounts | My accounts can be found here (x), here (x) and here (x). Most of my experience, as you may as well realize, are from only city RPs so I’ll be deviating from my comfort zone here, should I get accepted!  

In Character

Character | Claudius (Clark Godrej). While I love Cillian Murphy, could you possibly see Richard Armitage in his stead? This is only a secondary concern, though!  

What drew you to this character? | Is it considered a crime if you, at age seventeen, have not read any Shakespeare play? Of course I’ve seen adaptations of Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and Much Ado About Nothing, but other than that my knowledge on Shakespeare is nada. The initial knowledge I have of Claudius comes from Cliffsnotes (I especially like the part where the writer calls him ‘morally deficient’ and how he sacrifices humanity and humanness to acquire his goals), but reading his biography just made him more interesting for me.

It’s easy to conclude from first glance that Claudius is some sort of psychopath, but I believe that he is far more than that. C (I hope you don’t mind if I use this in future reference to him) has the makings of a Byronic character: plots spread across his life nothing short of tragedies, with misery and scorn imbued in his heart although still capable of love. More than that, however, I see him as possessing an inferiority complex stemming mainly from being constantly behind his older brother, whose shadow still rightfully looms his very movements to this day. Fusing Byronic characteristics with inferiority and you have yourself a deeply flawed character. As a writer, I aim to make my characters written in such a way that they aren’t just an overplayed trope.

Additionally, while he’s an emissary of the Montagues, his true loyalty lies within himself and himself alone—doing everything with his interests in mind, his mob allegiance only taking second place to his selfishness. Though what is important here is why he has become so selfish in the first place—and the answer lies with his older brother yet again. He’s neither owned nor valued in his life, and the barest semblance of anything that could become his he takes so with passion. This has especially struck me personally, considering that I’m a little bit of a greedy prick in real life (what can you do? Haha) but I do so with a justification it’s just me “taking back what I’ve lost”. And that’s primarily what C has become. So much has been taken from him that when the opportunity presents itself to “steal” something which is his brother’s own, he does so with a smile on his face, because he thinks—he knows—this is what he deserves. Him loving his brother’s wife and him killing his brother, however, are other stories entirely.

Despite all my ramblings, I don’t think I’ve definitively answered why I damn well love C so much already. He’s suffered most his life and from that he becomes a truly grey character for whom it is difficult to sympathize with, and with good reason. He’s malicious, selfish, and bitter; on the other hand, he’s driven, loyal to a fault, and extremely calculating in his methods. Without a doubt, C is human and everything that entails – a product of life’s calamities and fleeting radiance.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character?

Giya | Similarly to the third-season villain in The Legend of Korra (I can’t help but make a reference!), the one thing that tethers the villain to the ‘earthly realm’ is that of his one true love. I imagine that C will approach her death with the same approach as he did his brother’s own. He’ll be throwing himself to his work in an effort to erase all memory of her, but this fails with even the barest mention of her name. It will be an interesting and admittedly difficult challenge to paint him as anything but irredeemable after that point, because what else is there for him to live for in this goddamn world? The thought process would be unreal. In his mind, he’s killed for nothing. Now both his brother’s and Giya’s deaths lull in his conscience. Nightmares come more than ever before, as if compensating for their scarcity back then. Her death has unlocked in him a weakness that he so wishes to eradicate. Ultimately, though, I just want to see how he can grow from all this. He truly doesn’t have anything holding him back now, which leads to him becoming more reckless than ever.

Gallows (TW: suicide ideation) | Whether he be huddling in stacks under stacks of books or requesting that he take on other responsibilities aside from his job’s conventions, C is unwittingly distancing himself from others. He’s a tightly wound up storm and within good reason—in his perspective the universe throws tragedy to him constantly. So tightly wound is he that when he’s approached with the subtlest impression of compassion the storm comes resurging. Because, in the deepest trenches of his organ writhing underneath his ribcage, there remains still sentiment that motivates him to live. But he is so good at hiding his emotions, so good that I fear the inevitable numbness will push him further and further the edge. That being said, I desire for him to have even one friend to whom he can open up. It’s scary and characteristically unnatural for him to do so, but without a support system, I have an inkling that he’ll believe death is the only escape to the horrors he’s lived.

Gone Wrong | The brazen hiss of a car tire as it glosses over a roughly cemented road. Bones and synapses and organs smashed as his air bag failed to protect him from the damage. Lungs filled with inhaled carbon monoxide. Eyes dimmed, with only blinding white light in his line of sight. A fire developing from the car engine. Himself, unable to escape. C is a perfectionist above all. And while he’s internally already broken, I’d like to explore how physical incapability and how the loss of work – the only thing that keeps him going now – influences his actions. Always one to stubbornly brush off help, there’s no telling how he’ll fare on his own. In his perspective, such an accident is his past’s way of coming back to haunt him.

In Depth

The following THREE questions must be answered in-character, and in para form (quotations, actions written out if applicable, etc). There is no minimum or maximum limit for your response - simply answer as you would were you playing the character.

TW: suicide ideation

The pair opposite each other on a shadowy nook in the comfort of his home. Separating them is an old mahogany coffee table smattered with scratches and even a bite mark, stemming from a former dog of whom he’s now disposed. A glass ashtray, whose surface has turned the color of tar, sits on the middle. Two glasses of water—the lone thing which Clark has prepared for them both, actual sustenance be damned—is placed strategically on its sides, as if guarding the ashtray’s secrets. Crossing his legs and drumming his fingers endlessly on the arm rail, he waits impatiently for the other’s question, having no desire except to continue his day per usual.

“What is your favorite place in Verona?” The interviewer asks, expression of pure civility.

A shake of his head, fingers flicking his cancer stick before it finds its way between his lips once more. A click of a lighter is heard as he alights his cigarette and begins to induce poison in and out his lungs.

Momentary silence is observed before his chapped lips part to repeat the other’s words. “My favorite place in Verona…” He muses, crossing his arms over his chest which serves as another means of defense. He decides not to give an honest answer, and having easily mastered the art of deceit he’s certain that the other will believe him regardless of his utterance.

“…is the capital library.” Then again, his response carries an undercurrent of truth. He neither wholly desires the fragrance of old books wafting through shelves that shadow the most miniscule of moves nor the hushed atmospheres upon which even a mellow laugh of a child is contorted into something ominous. He craves, in their stead, the peril lurking above the bookshelves and away from an entire city’s line of sight. It is among one of his safe spaces, a place where he can tread with peers of similar ideologies, those who have learned to accept him despite the rage bubbling underneath his system.

But you’re still lying. A conscience, faded but still ingrained into the back of his mind, tells him. He daren’t admit it to anyone, but the bridge dividing both parties is where his heart lies. The Castelvecchio stands unwitting of its role in the raging civil war, and he’s loath to think how much tragedy it has seen. And oh how he desires to trace both the footsteps of Capulets and Montagues and to discern how many of them have taken their last steps here—

—and how sometimes, when his heart is heavy and his shoulders become too heavy laden, when all efforts of alleviating the pain becomes all for naught, he imagines how it feels like to jump from one of its stones and into the raging river underneath.

But that is a story for a later day. Now, all that concerns him are finishing his cigarette. And this ruddy interview.

The other man taps his feet ceaselessly on the mahogany floor, eager to write his words yet again. But Clark is not one to satisfy another. In fact, he relishes in taking away their pleasure. Let him experience a twinge of suffering, a lone crevice of his mind says, let him.

A gleam in his eyes is evident yet again as he throws the stick somewhere, making neither moves to throw it properly nor extinguishing its tip. Let it burn. His conscience says treacherously.

He sees the impatient expression plastered on the other’s face, and a faint gale of laughter escapes past his lips. “Oh, do you want me to continue?” He utters, raising a single brow. “You’re not going to get an answer more than that.”

“What does your typical day look like?” The man almost stammers now, but ever so quick on his feet, disguises the gaffe with a small cough.

His head tilts, ever so slightly, at the candid inquiry. A perfectly-sculpted mask shatters only in the rarest of occasions and today is no exception. His face is still, devoid of emotion, with only those who have been trained in the art of distinguishing the cartography of Clark’s face having the knowledge of where to look. The faint curl of his lips is suggestive of sinisterism rather than of genuine amusement, cerulean blue irises glimmering with that of the sweet smell of danger.

“Shall I bore you with the details?” Clark leans back on his chair, folding his hands on his lap as he does so. His eyelids flutter shut as he inhales the remnants of nicotine looming in the air, a fleeting repose to boredom.  

“That’s why I’ve been brought here.” The interviewer does not even attempt to conceal his slight annoyance.

Let him wait. His conscience, or at least whatever is left of it, speaks. These days the small voice in the back of his head only serves to vex him all the more. Sometimes it speaks well, but far more frequently it does its stark opposite. The latter now speaks to him, in a cold, calculating way that almost mirrors his own speech.

A shallow laugh bubbles and escapes from his system before he can stop it. “Don’t tell me you’re actually interested in the makings of an emissary. Wouldn’t you rather learn about the boss, who sits atop his throne? Or their second-in-command, whose deeds are so dark they can bring the diablo on his knees? Or the advisers, whose words occasionally serve much better than the soldiers’ actions?”

There is no response on his opposite’s part. He continues.

“Or wouldn’t you rather learn about the unspeakable?” Clark leans forward, looking side by side as if to keep a secret from an invisible audience. “Wouldn’t you rather learn of a thief in the night, strutting across the room as their eyes fixate on another silhouette? Wouldn’t you rather learn of a man with quiet, calculated steps, stifling his would-be victim’s mouth with a handkerchief and plunging a knife into their back? Wouldn’t you rather learn of a man whose arm contains now a trail of crimson as he remorselessly leaves his victim, who has lips growing purple with each passing second and their skin flaking at the slightest touch?”

He sees him now, swallowing in fear as Clark utters his sentences.

Fear is what he does best, he thinks.

“…that beats talking about mundane business trips, no?”

The interviewer conceals none of his fright, almost instinctively taking the glass of water and, putting his lips onto its brim, drank its contents until it is half-empty.

“Erm… I suppose we should skip to the last question,” the interviewer speaks, “what are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?”

“You want the truth?” Clark replies, almost gnashing his teeth.

The interviewer nods, gaze fixated at him, as if daring him to finally venture onto the realm of honesty.

“Who was it that said, ‘All war is a symptom of man’s failure as a thinking animal?’ Sun Tzu, or John Steinbeck?”

“I believe it was Steinbeck.”

“And it was Einstein, was it not, who said that ‘killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder’?”

Another nod of the interviewer’s head.

“I believe in neither,” Clark speaks, voice carrying an undercurrent of exhaustion. His next words are a product of his mind’s quiet, feeble surrender, letting his walls down ever so slightly. There is no doubt on the authenticity of his words. “War is humanity’s greatest achievement. We have grown past the point of conventions and conformity to the extent we wage battles in an effort to fight for our ideologies. In war, we see the best and the worst of mankind. Innocents cry for help and the braves deliver. In war, there comes innovation and breakthroughs, inventions that wouldn’t have otherwise been made if we remained not in distress.  War makes heroes and victims of us all. War is not a dishonor to civilization but rather its saving grace.

“That being said, who am I to judge as to whose faction is in the right? One man’s enemy is another man’s freedom fighter, and the Capulets and the Montagues understand this. In both points of view, there is no senseless brutality but justified hatred. And while I belong to the latter faction, if I had been born on the other side of the tracks, I most likely would’ve followed suit on the other team.”

Moments of defenselessness aren’t especially sought after by him, but Karma’s ugly cousin Fate ought to have thought otherwise following this encounter’s inevitability. Even while he is having the conversation his candor stings, like a snake’s venomous bite, as if the serpent seething in his system desires nothing more than to sear its scales permanently onto pale flesh. To bring back the mask he’s slowly uncovered.

Heedless of mind’s qualm, he continues, “I’m a selfish man. I do things primarily for my own gain. I’ve forgotten how it’s like to care for another. Being an emissary is just a job. I don’t expect, nor anyone should expect, that I be a hero.”

Gradually pushing himself out of his chair, Clark begins to take out another cigarette stick from his breast pocket. I’ve said too much. He muses internally as he lights the cigarette and brings it between his lips, unable to resist nicotine’s sensual destruction. Walking over to where the interviewer sat, Clark brings his free hand on their shoulder, he utters:

“Enough is enough.”

In-Character Para Sample: We do require one in-character para sample. Again, write as much or as little as you need to get your interpretation across.

01.  

In his hand, he holds a picture frame of himself and his music teacher. It’s dingy and dusty from decades of wear and tear, its outlines faded as if adding a natural vignette. It has been long, too long, since he’s last held his much-loved string instrument. It is rare, almost nonexistent, that his work be entailed with bouts of rhythmic resonance.

From happier times, it’s captioned.

“Clark Godrej,” his teacher once said, “you are a promising violinist.”

He remembers those days where sonorous notes weaved by his fingers fill the room as effortlessly as a summer breeze. He remembers the violin’s warm vibrato that dispels the sorrow surround him. He remembers the magnified, thunderous applause befitting for an artist of his talent. As a child four feet ten tall, he is the smallest of performers, pale and porcelain skin serving only as another reminder of his fragility.

But the string instrument is far from the only thing which he manipulates. He has trained the line of his lips to contort into a smile; eventually it becomes a part of him. A smile, seamlessly orchestrated, with no single note amiss, and with every chord struck with the neatest precision. It is a trick he uses as a means to hide the darkness coursing through thin veins. He performs this smile every time he takes a bow on the stage, with his parents and brother distinctively absent.

Even as a child, Clark’s memory has never been quite fickle. But at some points there is a failure of clarity, a glitch in the well-oiled machinations that is his consciousness.

He remembers small things.

He remembers the young Clark as he leaves the recital is a torrential downpour of rain. The pitter-patter of his ruined leather Oxfords as he makes the way back to the Godrej home. Even then it seems to him like Fate’s bitter laughter, taunting and flagrant in its repose.

He remembers himself staggering through the family’s doorsteps like an animal venturing into a new cage. The case enclosing his violin is wet all over, having used it to safeguard his own body.

He remembers a silhouette carefully approaching him. “You’re late.” His father speaks first, lips curled into a grim line.

He remembers himself mussing up his hair, droplets of rainwater stuck to his raven locks dampening his fingers. “It was raining.” He chimes in gently. “Did I miss dinner?”

He remembers the tension looming between the pair like thick musk, carrying an undercurrent of disapproval. “You did.” The words roll out of bared teeth. Like a statue his body hardens, swallowing in fear as he sees his father’s tightly-wound features. “Did you do this on purpose again?”

He remembers himself not listening.  “Of course not. What’s for me to gain?” His remark is uttered as a faint mumble, as if his speech is still uncertain to tread another lie. He remembers not wanting to be there, not at all, not in a family dinner where his brother was celebrated and himself all but ignored. “I’d rather rest, if that’s alright by you.” The sigh he releases from his system is heavy and resolute.

He remembers his father not wishing to rescind, instead pushing on his inquiry. “Do you think this is some sort of game, Clark?” His father doesn’t wish to rescind, instead pushing on his inquiry.

It is at this point that his mind fails him, drawing a blank where there should’ve been a memory.

But he does remember this:

He remembers a resounding, echoing slap.

He remembers a hand-shaped bruise on the side of his cheek as he looks at himself in the mirror the next day. It stings at the slightest touch.

He remembers a quiet breakfast.

He remembers darkness.

And he remembers a violin, split in two.

(The next two are just drabbles for a graphic for his relationships with Haresh and Giya that I gave up doing because I have 0 Photoshop skills whatsoever haha)

02.

His grief, like many things about him, is tightly concealed. No one will know about his running as soon as the wake came to a close, his legs failing him, and him sinking to his knees as soon as he opens his front door. No one will know how he takes one look at his bare flat and realizing how bereft he truly is of company and friends and anything akin to love. No one will know how he untangles his tie and wishes that he can also untangle himself from his mask of feigned indifference, worn so constantly that it’s already been seared permanently into his flesh. No one will know how he prays that night, prays with only God as his witness, asking for a mantra of reconciliation even though he knows his deed is unforgivable.  

No one can know.

He is Cain, and he will carry his sin to the grave.

And when Death does come to find him, as it shall inevitably, whether today or tomorrow or the next, Clark will point his gaze right back. His eyes will brim with tears, unshed and unspoken, for it is only in his last moment that he can expunge his prolonged sorrow.

03.

Long has he past brave illusions for a happier and more radiant tale, plots coated with no small amount of deluged tragedies and stuck in a ceaseless discourse with Fate, ever so realistic in its manifestation. Hope for his tale’s possible saccharine resolution bid its farewell so long ago leaving him with only bare remnants of opportunities for felicity, but when the shadows grew too long and the days felt too short, he tenaciously and persistently hanged onto these loose ends.

But as Giya’s thread, too, is cut loose, he finds himself holding onto nothing.

And what else is there to live for?

Extras:

Pinterest (x) Inspo tag (x)  There isn’t a lot round here, but hopefully it works. X Playlist (x) Element: Fire MBTI: ENTJ “The Commander” Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Primary Vice: Pride Primary Virtue: Prudence

Headcanons:

GIYA. The way I see it, Clark first sees Giya as his brother’s property. So when their mutual attraction is made known, Clark is obviously ecstatic, for he’s acquiring something that was rightfully his brother’s own. Somewhere along the road, however, he does fall in love with her to a fault, enough for murder to come into play. That said, Giya is the only person Clark has ever opened up to, and that list includes his parents and his brother. There’s no one on Earth he would kill – or die – for. It is because of this reason that her death affects him more than his brother’s own. Love is something he’s gone through decades by without, and with her absence comes him growing more and more detached from reality.

MENTAL ILLNESS. I wrote Clark with the idea that he is suffering from psychotic depression. Having been diagnosed with a mood disorder with psychotic features myself, I believe I am able to do this interpretation justice. I’ve already made evident some of his symptoms in the interview and para samples, including irritability, difficulty concentrating, talks or threads of suicide, isolation, and psychotic features such as hearing things that aren’t present. Still, this remains undiagnosed, considering he’ll probably go set something on fire before he goes to a therapy session.

FAMILY. While he had a relatively good upbringing, one incident comes to mind (as is evident in the para sample) that serves as his breaking point. By no means was his father abusive, but the ordeal turned into a heated debate that led to a physical squabble which has permanently blacked out from his system. It further sets up his animosity towards his family and his envy towards his dear, darling brother.  

MUSIC. Classical music is his go-to genre, while his violin is his favored string instrument. He owns a Merano 4/4 purple violin.

APARTMENT. His apartment is quaint and comes equipped with a small living room, a kitchen, and a bedroom on the upper floor which is a converted loft. Despite this he keeps it meticulous, save for a few cigarette butts here and there.

SEXUALITY. Clark is demiromantic, but experiences sexual attraction to both men and women. That being said, he doesn’t exactly search for sexual conquests. He lets it develop naturally, and if the chemistry is there, he pushes forward.  

He smokes way too much.

I wrote Clark with the idea that he carries himself with a malicious streak, eager to make others fear him, lest they actually see through his mask and attempt entrance.