#But also this one shot of Joel is STEAMY and I like it

[pedroscurls]

I tell myself I’m gonna write a short one-shot without any context or background info, yet here I am…

3.5k words in lol

[lokischocolatefountain]

Joel Miller Masterlist

Series

Men Like Me

Joel x virgin!Reader

Warning Summary: Joel's warnings about what men like him would do girls like you only makes you want him more. Words: 6.2k Denial Summary:  After your steamy encounter, Joel ignores you out of guilt, leaving you feeling unworthy. But you make a discovery that makes you turn the tables on him. Words: 10.4k

Mister Miller

Boyfriend's dad!Joel

Secret Summary: Your shameful secret you keep from your boyfriend is not such a secret after all. Your boyfriend’s dad Joel Miller knows what you do…very intimately. Words: 1.3k Picture Summary: Joel knows he shouldn’t, especially with the guilt of his shameful secret sitting heavy in his chest. But there are so many pictures of you and he is just a man. Words: 1k

Neighborly Thing to Do

Joel Miller x Reader x Javier Peña

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Simple rule to follow, you’d think. But it’s not so simple when your neighbor catches you coveting his girl, fucks her in front of you and tells you that you can help yourself to her anytime you want.

Yellow Bikini Summary: The new neighbors throw a pool party and Joel is invited. Words: 0.8k

Taken Care of

Predatory!Joel x Naive!Reader

You are as sheltered as can be in a world that has fallen apart. Realizing the errors of his ways, your father has his friend Joel take you outside the QZ to teach you how to survive in the real world. Unfortunately for you, Joel is interested in teaching you more than basic survival skills.

Comfort Summary: You and Joel find comfort in an unconventional way. Words: 1.8k

One-shot

Savior

Summary: Joel saves you from the horrors of the world only to inflict his own horror upon you. Words: 1.7k DDDNE

Mercy

Summary: Stranded alone in the woods and left to die, all you can ask of Joel Miller is the mercy of a quick death. He is willing to give it to you, but he needs something for himself first. Words: 2.8k

Hurt and Protect

Summary: In a world where politeness wasn’t part of trade, it helped to have someone like Joel Miller as your protector. But to be his to protect also meant being his to hurt. Words: 2.3k

Our Normal

Summary: You and Joel find a new normal with touch Words: 1.8k

Monster

young dad!Joel Miller & baby!Sarah Miller

Summary: Maybe the real monster was above the bed all along. Words: 700ish

Purpose

Dad!Joel Miller

Summary: “I think if he (Joel) could do anything or be anything, he would be a dad, raising his daughter. Whether it’s Sarah or— he can’t quite get there yet to say it’s Ellie but that's what he was put on this Earth to do. That’s why he’s been wandering around a little like a zombie himself for 20 years. He’s trying to find his purpose because it was taken from him.” -Craig Mazin. A fic exploring Joel's journey as a dad. Words: 12.7k

not to feel the way i felt—

Joel Miller x Tess Servopolous

Summary: “I never ask you for anything, not to feel the way I felt—” Moments in their lives where Joel felt something, if not they way she felt. Words: 3.9k

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 23

Howdy y'all!

If you're new here this is every new (to me) fic I read this week and some of my silly lil thoughts about them.

I did some catching up on series this week and also did some writing so I've only got 12 fics for you this week! I read a lot of dark shit this week, but that's October for ya. There's still some sweetness in here somewhere if you aren't into dark stuff and I've made sure to mark everything appropriately (I think).

As always you can find all my previous fic recs here.

Recs below the Pedros!

Apple - a Frankie/Santi/Will one shot by @romana-after-dark

You are married to Santi and you have a CNC kink he very happily obliges. You set up a thing where Santi, Will, and Frankie pretend to be home invaders and they gangbang you. Stuff goes a lil sideways and it ends up being NC/DC. This was wonderfully unsettling. I love how there's this strand of believability that they don't intentionally overstep her boundaries. It's dark and scary and feels very real.

sam and diane, eat your heart out a Marcus Pike one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You've been working with Marcus for a while and finally wrapped up the case you were on. You've almost given up ever getting what you want with him when finally!! You both admit your feelings for each other. Cue steamy office make out sesh with thigh riding. I loved the will they won't they shit in the beginning. The frustration makes the pay off so good.

i am touchin', i am grabbin', everything I can't be havin' - a Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You show up at the doorstep of your long time but estranged family friend Dieter Bravo, soaking wet and with nowhere else to go. You've known him so long you call him Uncle Dee, no I'm not kidding. I almost didn't click on this bc like UNCLE?? But he's not really your uncle and I cannot express enough how fucking hot this was. Like Dieter is just so fucking good this OH MY GOD. If you love Dieter, read this. You'll love it.

Recovery Road - a Dieter series by @chronically-ghosted

Dieter finally gets his shit together, he's clean and married and working on a new project. His costar (you) is a cunt fr. You're on drugs, you're a brat, and you're a mess. And Dieter can't stay away from you. When his wife gets fed up with him and humiliates him in public, you're there to catch him... and ruin his sobriety, his marriage, and maybe everything else. I have a couple chapters left of this but OH MY GOD. I was so MAD at Dieter, but also so sad for him. Don't take that as me saying I didn't love this because I did. I do. It's so beautifully written. The pain and angst and desperation and everything is so powerful, this hurts to read. And the smut? Mind altering actually.

a revolting development - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your new step dad is really hot... and that's gonna be a problem. I've been reading so many step dad fics lately (not just Joel!) and I'm so into it and what is wrong with me?

The Rogue Who Coaxed You - a Joel series by @atticrissfinch

You're Joel's secretary and you suck him off while he fields a phone call from his wife! We love an infidelity fic round these parts, we really do. Reader is filthy, Joel is mean, there's a lot of degradation, the works. I'm so obsessed with this dynamic I can't wait to read more.

When the Gallow-Grass Gives - a Silva one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Silva rescues you (m!reader) from the gallows, walks you home by the rope you were supposed to hang by, and then tells you that you remind him of someone he used to know. I love a good gay cowboy fic and this is a GREAT one. The historically accurate lube made me cackle. This was so well written and so HOT and managed to maintain that wistful sadness Silva seems to have hanging like a cloud around him.

Desires and Complications - a Marcus Pike/Dave York series by @ezrasbirdie

Sweet little Marcus Pike wants to please you better in bed so he calls up your ex, Dave York, to show him how to be a dom. It goes a little differently than any of you imagined when Marcus turns submissive for Dave. This fic is so hot. I read up through "plead" and it looks like maybe there's some throuple dynamics forming!!! I'm so excited to finish this AHHHGHGHG

Ripping Sunrise - a frankie one shot by @idolatrybarbie

You accidentally take an edible and Frankie takes care of your high ass. And then once the high wears off he really takes care of you... This is so sweet and hot, I love it so much.

I Might Kill My Ex - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel leaves you for Tess and that... well that's just unacceptable. We got dark!reader, asshole!Joel, murder, dub con for Joel, the works. This fic is so good. It's dark and gives you a fascinating look into reader's crumbling psyche. I love the ending so much also

------------------

I wrote Ouroboros and Eat You Whole. Dave York x f!reader fics set in the same universe, canon divergent but some canon stuff still happens in the background. Love as consumption/Love as violence type thing. Basically you and Dave are two touch starved, miserable people with nothing left in this world and you have crazy sex about it. There’s some softness in there too.

-----------------

Here's some series I've been reading (not a comprehensive list): Hot and Heavy (Joel), Muddy Waters (Joel/Ez), Stepdad!Joel, Exile (Javi P), New York or Nowhere (Joel), Feral Woman (Joel), Yearling (Joel), a lover's pinch (joel), the world tipped on it's side (Frankie), and Pretend Alleyways (Marcus/Dieter)

(In order: @tieronecrush @bonezone44 @toxicanonymity @jksprincess10 @beskarandblasters @gasolinerainbowpuddles @justagalwhowrites @hier--soir @idolatrybarbie @radiowallet)

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Happy Reading!

[popcornforone]

First Kisses

Happy birthday to our amazing man Pedro Pascal. He’s our inspiration for so many things & we are so proud of him & everything he does. He is our sunshine & he brings it to our days.

So I’ve had this Drabble in draft for a while & I thought today would be a good day to share it.

as always most of these are soft but they allude to some steamy stuff (especially Dave, Oberyn & Peña) so read at your own discretion.

Also I added pictures which would sun up the kind of setting for each, up to a certain point.

All feedback is welcome as always peoples I hope you enjoy.

Joel pre outbreak

Joel is concerned about kissing you. He doesn’t want you to leave the car, & go back to your apartment, but he knows you have a busy day tomorrow. Your hand rests on his gear stick gracing across the top of his knuckles.

“I had a lovely night Joel” you whisper blushing so much that a man like him would even look at you.

“So did I” he then holds your hand. You make eye contact. Those big brown eyes loom back at you. You’re smiling softly in return. A small sigh escapes your lips. He then looks forward & you think that’s it. So you go to get out the car. You let go of his hand unbuckle & as you turn your head to say good night, his face is in what was the empty gap. His hand pulls you close & you finally get your first kiss with your handsome contractor.

Frankie Morales

All you did was notice the guy at the bar & how good his arse looked in those jeans. You’re not on the look out for a man but your friends saw your eyes light up. All it takes it a round of shots to get your confidence up & off you stumble across to the bar & stand next to the mysterious veteran.

“You know my friends said I wouldn’t have the guts to give you my number” you laugh. He lifts his head & see how sexy you are & looks you up & down.

“What about a kiss with a handsome stranger?” He asks & as you stumble in your response, his lips find yours deeply & passionately. You grab his arse to make sure it feels as good as it looks as your friends cheer. Frankie then makes an excuse to use the bathroom & you then don’t see him again. But the next morning when you wake up & sort you stuff out from the night before you see he slipped you his business card, he had written on the back of it “if that’s what you do to a random stranger, I can wait for a first date”

Oberyn

You have a rule. No kisses with clients. It’s your own rule. However which the sculptured bronzed Dornish Prince walks in & disrobes causing a flock of ladies & men to flood to him you wonder if it will be worth it. The orgy with other Dornish figures & partners goes on for hours but neither you or Oberyn have broken eye contact. Eventually he drags you away from performing oral on one of his knights & he holds you against a curtain. Your body dripping in sweat from the exploits already his breath raging from his own pleasure.

“Your not like the others”

“How so”

“You’re mysterious… i like mysterious” & with those 5 words from oberyns mouth your body trembles & as your hand strokes his length he leans against you, & you break your rule. The way his teeth graze your lips feels just right & it’s not long before your hand is covered in Oberyns seed as he cums from just your hands & your lips.

Javi Gutierrez

Javi sits there nervous in the cinema. But it’s not about his movie, although that is nerve shredding. He is more worried about you being paped on the way out with him. He’s worried about you. You take your seat next to him & see him fidgeting.

“You okay Javi”

“Yea I’m okay”

“You sure?” You kiss the back of his hand & you see him smile.

“I am now” he’s blushing. The kiss on the hand has affected him he’s a giddy teenager. “Don’t stop baby” & suddenly he’s calm as you both lean in for a tender first kiss as the lights turn down for the start of the film premiere.

Tim Rockford

Tim didn’t mean to see you in the printing room making copies but now he has he’s slid in & puts his hands on your waist.

“Last night was fun”

“Yes it was” you reply “until, that guy started a fight & you had to arrest him & leave me”

“Sorry baby”

“I didn’t even get an end of first date kiss” you blush. As you hit the next printing button his hand slides around your wrist.

“Guess we’re going out for another date tonight then”

“Maybe”

& as you turn your head his lips are waiting. It’s much more fierce that you expected but you don’t care, detective Rockford can have you in the palm of his hand.

Javier Peña

“$50” he says. & you shake your head. “Come on I literally need an alibi for last night & as my friends sister you can do that come on $75”

“Hear you pay informants more”

“Who told you about that”

“Word gets around, Peña. Also how am I meant to fake being with you when I don’t…” youre interrupted. He kisses you in a frenzy & bites your bottom lip & pushes you against the kitchen table.

“If I have to fuck you I will, I need the cover.”

“$100 & a long make out right now” you negotiate.

“Deal” & he slaps the money in the table & grips your chin as the DEA agent gets his fill. He leaves much later & pays you the informant amount, all of you now very satisfied.

Din Djarin

You’re asleep in your hammock dreaming of a man with no beskar on & wondering what that face will look like. How big those roumoured brown eyes are. What those lips would feel like to kiss.

“Din” you sleep talk in the chair as he flys the razor crest. He turns around & chuckles. He takes his helmet off to look at you through fresh eyes. A loud sigh from him makes you stir & he turns to face the console.

“Sorry didn’t mean to wake you, you were sleep talking”

“Ahhh sorry Din but I was dreaming of you”

“Really” you nod. “Was it a nice dream” you nod again “keep your eyes closed” so you scrunch them tight. You hear him hit some buttons then walk over to you. It’s a surprise the feel of his gloveless finger trailing your chin but the kiss is soft & welcoming. Your body springs to life.

“Din”

“Shhh beautiful” your just amazed a man who doesn’t show his face to anyone has a well kept moustache as the kissing resumes. You respect his creed & don’t open your eyes once.

Dave York

Dave is back from a mission. Carol is away & you are his nanny cleaning up the kitchen after putting the girls to bed. He walks into the kitchen & sits by the kitchen counter. You automatically go to the fridge & get him a cold beer.

“Thanks sweetheart” he says with a wink. “I just need to unwind it’s been a long day”

“Anything for you mr York”you hand him the bottle opener & as you withdraw he grabs your wrist. “Mr York?” He’s got adrenaline pumping through his veins & he needs a release. You both look in each others eyes before your suddenly greeted by his lips. Tongue doesn’t ask for permission it’s down your throat as you make out with the handsome assassin. You can feel his heart racing, as his hand goes under your skirt.

“You promised to meet all the York needs,” he says as he growls & his hand undoes his fly. “So get on your knees & let’s see how well you help me let off steam”

[starry-eyes-love]

WIP Wednesday

A few of you lovely people have tagged me in the WIP Wednesday post, @joelmillerisapunk @yxtkiwiyxt

Sorry I haven't done this in the last few weeks, but I'll give you two teasers, how about that? I am currently writing and editing like 5 different things right now. It comes in spurts with me, hoping to have one of my other fics out within a week (maybe). These two here won't be out for a bit, but wanted to show you some stuff.

Marriage Dynamics WIP

This is a part of a chapter in my series titled Marriage Dynamics. This part is not the next chapter of their story that I'll be posting, but the chapter after that. Hasn't been fully edited yet.

Story:

As Joel opened the door to enter his house, he immediately noticed that he couldn't open it all the way.

“What in the Sam hell?” Joel mumbled, as he slowly squeezed himself through the door. Once he was inside he looked around, jaw dropping at the sight he saw in front of him. There were about 30 different size boxes, all piled up by the door. He also saw the bed and mattress, box spring, and other items from their spare bedroom all in the living room.

Tommy stood next to Joel and chuckled. “Looks like she's nesting again.”

“Nesting? This ain't nesting. This is a goddamn nightmare Tommy.”

“Oh you're home early, good, you two can help me then.”

Joel pinches the bridge of his nose.

Never Have I Ever WIP

This is a new one shot I'm writing that has some pretty steamy stuff, but only going to share a non-steamy portion, don't want to reveal all my secrets just yet. It takes place in Jackson, WY post outbreak.

Story:

Life was difficult for you to adjust to here. Others shunned you and your inability to calm down at first, but Tommy, he felt that your talents could be used in certain areas, and so he placed you on patrol with Joel Miller.

At first you and Joel hardly spoke to each other, only simple sentences or greetings when needed. Most of the time was spent in silence, until one day it wasn’t.

“Darlin’, ya need to put that gun down before you blow someone’s damn head off.” Joel had come around the corner inside the ski lodge. You had heard a sound and immediately drawn your weapon, pointing it directly in the direction of the noise. When Joel rounded the corner he was staring straight down at the barrel of the gun.

“Christ woman, why are ya always so jumpy? Now put that damn thing down before ya hurt yourself.”

You only lowered it slightly, mostly pointing towards Joel’s balls, not knowing if you should or shouldn’t shoot him there just yet.

“Woman, now put that gun all the way down before you shoot my damn balls off. Jesus Christ, what's gotten into you?”

Alright, there you have it. Things I'd love to see for WIP Wednesday is stuff from @beardedjoel (a little Smother if ya got it), @thetriumphantpanda, @joelscruff and anyone else really 😄

[yelena-bellova]

Hey!! So... I have a request. Can you please make a one-shot or story about reader x Joel. But instead of Ellie being immune, it's her adopted sister who's roughly around 36ish. There can be flash backs on how they met, but this mainly take place a couple years later they are all living in Jackson and during those years the reader and Joel got married and had twin boys but what the reader doesn't know is that both Joel and Ellie lied to us about the hospital. Anyway the reader finds out and feels betrayed by both of them and ignores them as much as possible but she still lives with Joel for the boys (she puts a fake smile around everyone but the people closest to her notice). Reader sleeps in a different room for a couple of weeks, and the boys notice this. When Joel is putting the boys to bed, the oldest one asks why mummy is mad at him. Joel explains that he lied and hurt the reader, and though he regrets hurting her, he doesn't regret what he did because if he didn't, he wouldn't have her or the boys. The youngest one says something cute, like giving her lots of hugs and kisses. Joel sadly smiles and says he would. What Joel doesn't know is that the reader heard/ saw everything and forgives him. Obviously, he has to grovel!! Just a lot of angst and fluff. Maybe something steamy in the end, up to you. Also, if there are flashbacks, can Tess just be a plotonic best friend to Joel, and she ships the reader and Joel. A friendship is formed between the reader and Tess! If you don't want to do this, it's totally fine 💕

P.s. Sorry that this is so long. It has been on my mind for a while

Hey! So this sounds absolutely amazing but I’m currently not taking requests. However, there’s a ton of talented Joel writers out here so I’m sure you could take it to one of them and they would do it justice 🖤

[vastayan--vigilante]

💚 SHIPPING INFO 💚

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

Tagged by: @countlessrealities (thank you 💜)

Tagging: @just--a--jinx @arcanescion @independentzaun @gauntlets-shot @saviourofzaun @bioniczaunites @misstantabismuses @perfect-fourth @crowtongued @saviourofzaun and anyone else who wants to do it!

1. WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

To be honest, I don't really have OTPs ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

I'm very fond of writing Timebomb (Ekko x Jinx) at the moment, and I enjoyed writing ViCait stuff. I'll also allude to Scar x Zihnah on here (Zihnah being the OC I established to be the mother of Scar's daughter that we see he canonically has.)

But I'm more interested in writing style compatibility with rp partners, plot development, and assessing character chemistry on an individual basis, than on pursuing specific ships.

If someone I really vibed the writing style of approached me with an interesting enough idea, even if it was a ship I hadn't considered writing before, I'd give it a go (which is how I ended up with moon/toffee, silco/lachlan and darkling/nikolai rp threads lmao)

2. HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

That depends on two core factors.

One - how old is the younger character? Are they in their thirties (aka an established, financially independent adult with a good amount of life experience under their belt), or are they eighteen/nineteen (aka barely legal, still learning how to be an adult, likely with not much life experience and likely not financially secure.)

Two - Is it supposed to be written as a wholesome equal partnership, or an exploration of toxic/controlling power dynamics?

I'm not going to be comfortable writing a 19 year old character in a relationship with a 30+ year old character unless my partner agrees that it is supposed to be uncomfortable, and unhealthy, and we are exploring a plot with dark themes. There is an inherent power imbalance for that kind of age difference and that needs to be acknowledged. But I wouldn't bat an eyelid at writing a 35 year old character with a 46 year old character, because both characters have plenty of life experience under their belts and are on more even footing in a general life stage sense.

3. HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

Once clothes start coming off and/or things move past second base ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

4. ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

If I'm writing it? Yes. I'm quite selective in general, and if the chemistry isn't there or there isn't a compelling narrative reason for two characters to get together, I'm just not gonna be interested.

By default I prefer writing platonic dynamics over romantic ones, simply because it irritates me when people want to jump straight into writing romantic/nsfw stuff with my characters without any build up or pre-established story. I like to establish a dynamic and get a vibe for how well someone's character portrayal meshes with mine - if there's organic chemistry/tension there, and the other person is also interested, then I'll consider exploring shippy stuff.

5. WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Ekko - Powder/Jinx (I'm open to exploring other ships ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯)

Scar - Zihnah (not really looking to ship him with anyone, but for the right AU/if someone pitched a strong enough idea, I'd consider it)

Joel - no one currently

Mylo - no one currently

6. DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

Yes. Please don't assume I'm going to be down to write shippy stuff with you just because our characters are canonically together/had some tense delicious moments in canon/you personally really ship them. It's polite to ask first, or gauge interest through sending/tagging me in those bold what applies character dynamic memes.

7. ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

On a general level, I'm pretty ambivalent ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯

If I have a specific AU I'm writing with someone, whether it features a ship or not, I'll be quite excited to talk about it and do memes for it, and it makes my day when I receive a notification that my writing partner has replied.

Sometimes I hyperfixate on certain dynamics and I'll write/read a lot of content related to that, but those dynamics don't need to be romantic ships for me to obsess over how interesting they are.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Arcane: Ekko × Powder/Jinx, Vi x Caitlyn, Viktor x Jayce, Caitlyn x Jinx (I have a thing for enemies with sexual tension what can I say 😂)

9. FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

One - write with me. I'm significantly more receptive to ship with people who I already like writing with, as that gives me the opportunity to evaluate whether our characters have chemistry in their interactions that could be fun to build upon.

Two - ask me! Slide into my DMs with a scenario/plot idea, or send/tag me in one of those shipping interest/character relationship dynamic memes to see what I'm vibing.

[misspearly1]

Be My Redemption

Chapter v

Paring: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Words: 2,970 (there was a lot more but I cut it down to keep it short 😳)

Warnings: NO MINORS 🔞 18+ Content.

SMUT very light! No PIV... yet 😏. Rubbing on genitalia outside clothing count as smut?

Notes: ahhh omg I stressed over this one but ultimately I’m glad with how I ended this chapter! Also would like to note to my readers I see you liking and/or reblogging my stuff, I massively appreciate it! Thank you 😘 and hope you enjoy this chapter.

Joel -blue

Reader - pink

A strong and bitter smell entered Joels nostrils as he blinked his eyes open, inhaling deeper to take it in, he smelt more of the roasted flavours entering. His brain flashed memories behind his eyes at the scent. There was the usual roast he’d have in the morning and even the shitty blend that his workplace provided in those little foam cups or there is that one time he tried a cinnamon hazelnut combination once, when on a date with a pretty girl. Sitting up now, he recognises the smell all too much, that smell was coffee and he had to have some.  

Following the direction of his senses, he exited the tent and is shot with the sight of you, standing beside the fire, hands shaking slightly to make sure you don’t burn yourself as you’re pouring out a steamy, brown liquid into a metal cup. Walking up to you now to find out if what he smells, is in fact too good to be true “is that what I think it is?”  

The sound of Joel’s footsteps is barely heard as you carefully handle the boiling liquid, shocking yourself as the sound of his voice enters your ears with a question. “Yes, it is what you think Joel. But don't go getting yer hopes up. I don’t have a clue how to do this without my Betty.” Standing right beside you now the smell is more pungent, he’s almost too fearful to speak, in case he wakes up and this is all a dream. “You’re Betty?” you snicker at his second question of the morning, smiling at the thought of his confusion of who the hell Betty is.  

“Betty was this old coffee machine I had; my grandpa gave it to me when I moved into my first home. I don’t know why he called it that, cause’ it didn’t have a brand on it. However, he did used to get his beloved beans from his, ‘dainty and beautiful’ neighbour Elizabeth, I think that’s how he came up with it” Joel sees the adoration in your eyes as you tell the story, a little snippet of your former life and only nods his head. He then suggests to help, holding out his hands in front of him “may I?”

“I honestly thought you never ask. Please, by all means, show me how it’s done.” stepping back now, you let him take over and watch attentively as he strains the grounded coffee properly, he looks like he’s done this a million times in his sleep and the sight of it amazes you.  

It's just coffee y/n, calm down.

“See now, the trick is delicacy. You done a good job at breaking down the beans to fine grains but straining it can be very difficult. You gotta do it just right, otherwise it can be too bitter or just brown tasteless water... Here, try this” through his explanation he finishes pouring and hands you a cup. Bringing it to your nose first to smell before taking a light sip, when the hot coffee hits your tongue, instantly your eyes close at the sensation. Euphoric and flavoursome. “Wow...” *Takes another sip*   “This. This is coffee, Joel.”  

“Um hm” humming into his own cup as he agrees, you both stay silent as you drink your way through your morning cups of joe, your eyes drift to the man unconsciously as he practically devours his own. The liquid leaving a wet trail over his lips, a single drop had clung to the corner of his mouth before rolling down his beard as you watched his adam’s apple bobbing with his last gulp, setting the cup down and exhaling, ahhh.  

“You... uh, you got a little something there.” you pointed out to the coffee stain on his face before lifting your own cup, hiding your grin behind it and finishing off the dregs. After wiping his face, he then lifts up his left hand, pulls back the sleeve of his shirt to look at his watch. The action makes you wonder at what point will he depart and go his own way, leaving you to find your friends on your own.

The silent agreement was to help each other out of the city, no mention of him joining you. So, you shouldn’t expect him to stay, shouldn’t expect him to help you further or shouldn’t expect him to feel the same way you do. Part of you hopes he will be straight and honest, to just decide for you, instead of leaving the feeling of uncertainty hanging above our heads.  

“it's 6:05am, If we pack up and leave now, you will be at Mount Vernon by the afternoon, shouldn’t take you much longer to get to the campus from there” there it was, the ‘you’ will be at Mount Vernon and not ‘we’. You drop your head and nod to him but he continues “Ill join you till I can find a working car or at least figure out where the hell it is that I'm heading.” Lifting your head now, you find his eyes and hold back the smile that’s pulling ever so hard on your muscles, but you hold back and say “Okay, that sounds fair.”  

Nothing else was added to that as you both made your way out of the triage, you both walked in silence, again, as you made your way to Mount Vernon. Unknowing to you, Joel had his own questions keeping him from sleep last night, asking himself whether or not he should join you, after a while contemplating it, sleep finally came to him and he figured he’d have his answer by morning. But when a painful dream about Sarah reminded him once again how letting people get close can hurt him, he held off on his choice for now. Even then, after sharing a coffee with you, hearing your story about your grandpa and also seeing you sad just moments ago, he held off on his choice for now.  

It was around about noon when you entered the heart of Mount Vernon, standing in the desolate, lonely and grassy streets that was littered with cars – thankfully none that worked – over turned busses and many abandoned stores. Suggesting to Joel that the MV Police Department is a worthwhile place to take a break and maybe even find something useful inside, doubtful, but your optimism outgrew the scepticism in this particular moment.

He agreed nonetheless and this is where you are now, inside the basement of the building, doing a quick essential sweep to make sure it's safe before having some food, a drink and to take another look at the map. The one you found in a truck that Joel was checking over to see if it met the needs for travel. It didn’t, thankfully. He continued on with you and here you are, flabbergasted at the sight before you, during your sweep of the police department, it was a genny.  

Racing to the generator you immediately found the pull string, yanked on it and then scratched your head when there was no sound at all. “Fuck, it’s probably got no juice, there’s got to be some around here somewhere.” as you make your way back to the main floor of the building, you’re met with Joel standing beside the front desk waiting for you, and lo and behold a cannister held in his hand. “Hey, I found this beside a dead guy with a note stating ‘use it wisely’ whatever that means, figured I'd keep it in case I find a working car.”  

“Joel, this is a blessing! I found a genny in the basement.” spaced out at your point he asks “and? What about it.” you step close to him now placing a hand on his shoulder and turn him to a set of doors located in the back right corner of the room “You see that there, what does that say? Locker room. I’m betting there is showers in there.” still not seeing the point you're making you convey further sarcastically “Genny makes electricity, electricity makes water hot, hot water equals hot shower, hot shower equals a very happy Y/N and a not so stinky Joel. Yay, thank you Y/N!”  

Seemingly unbothered by your tone he finally speaks out “I don’t know if that’s a good idea” oh my lord this man is complicated. “Joel, when was the last time you had a shower? Hm? C’mon, it’s a luxury in this world to take a piss let alone take a shower, I'll take first watch while you have a splash, whadd’ya say?” His point wasn’t deterred, snatching the cannister from his hands and taking off running was the only way to get him to relent.

Ten minutes later after an earful from Joel, a couple of failed attempts from yourself at pulling on the cord and pleading with the man to do it himself, the generator was up and running. Now you were hastily making your way back up the stairs to check out the locker room, praying that there were indeed showers inside. Pushing the door open, the anxiety melted away from your body as you dashed through, ignoring the warnings from Joel to wait, you ran to the first stall and twisted the nob and stepped back. After a couple seconds of cold water, the pipes rattled and groaned then finally it stopped and hot water sprayed out creating a steamy atmosphere.  

You twirled, jumping up and down on the spot squealing to Joel, the sight of it causing him to drop his head into his hands and hide the smile at your child like reaction to hot water, like a cave man discovering fire for the first time. When you stopped, you asked if he’d like to go first and he refused, making your brows scrunch but then he quickly added “after, I'll take first watch. You seem more excited for this than I am anyways.” you didn’t complain, in fact you hurled your backpack off your shoulder and made a point to shoo him back out the door, grinning widely as you thanked him.  

Joel stopped himself from booting his way through the door when he heard you scream, seconds later he heard you cry out “I found soap! OMFG! Someone is looking down on us today, Joel. Happiest. Day. Of. My. Life.” Concealed behind the door, Joel beams at your delight, at your buzzing ramblings about the experience of a shower after so long. Inside you watched as the water cascaded down your body and the streaky lines of dirt going with it, pooling at your feet before swirling away down the drain.  

Grabbing the soap, you ran it up and down your body, violently, impatiently getting off the grime situated in every nook and crevice. Then rolling it around your hand a couple times to bubble it up before gently lathering your face, stepping under the shower to feel the heat run down your head and your back. Swiping the inside your ears, in between the toes, under the finger nails and finally finishing off with cleaning your private area with just water, you step out and begin to dry.  

After a couple moments, you exit and meet Joel who is still where you left him, sitting atop an unknown detective's desk and you smiled “Your turn. Left the soap on the dish inside” Switching positions with him, you sat down and watched as he entered the room, turn and place a hand on the handle. Giving him one last smile with a thumbs up before he shut the door, you could hear the shuffling from inside and you didn’t miss the sound if his zipper being pulled down and definitely didn’t miss how that made you blush either, the thought of him naked entered your mind and you quickly denounced it.  

The man’s probably taking his first shower in months, maybe longer Y/N. Jeez, stop it with your vulgar thoughts – thinking to yourself inwardly  

Then you stiffened, shocked to a standstill while running fingers through your hair when you heard him groan, deep and gruff over the sounds of running water. Pupils blown wide as you told yourself you didn’t feel a palpable pulse within your heat when you then heard him muttering “oh fuck” under the spray. Shaking your head, you scolded yourself at turning such a normal thing into something sexual but you couldn't help wonder if he did the same with you. As you remembered your own sounds you made, blushing at thinking it may have turned him on when you moaned, innocently, at the feeling of the water hitting your skin.  

Another grumble bellowed out in the midst of your musings; this one was different though, it was growly and low, like a dog snarling and it didn’t come from Joel. It came from behind you. Turning round ever so slowly, your eyes lock onto the source, it was a Bloater. A large, fat, mushroom like covered beast swaying on the spot staring right at you, it screeched inwards deeply before barking out a roar, then leaning back and producing something from its mouth and launching it to your direction, erupting upon landing and creating a momentary gas cloud. “BLOATER” you called out while running out of the cloud, hand over your mouth so you don’t breathe in the spores. “JOEL! BLOATER”  

As you ran towards the other side of the room, jumping over tables and desks the Bloater followed, you yelled out again “Joel, it threw a spore at the door, be careful.” you barely heard him say ‘alright’ over the monsters grunting yowl as it stumbled towards you and picking up momentum. You let it get as close as possible before diving to the right, out of the way letting it tumble over. Standing quickly, you chanced a look behind you “Joel, its dispersing, get out here and help me!”  

Swinging the door open he barrelled out, holding his shirt over his face with a gun in his hand and stalled when he saw the sight before him. The Bloater was already on its feet and charging towards his direction, he raised his gun and let loose on the trigger.  

*pop* *pop* *pop* *pop*

Only able to fire off four shots, he too, dived out of the way at the last second but the beast didn’t slow down and was a hairline too close to grabbing Joel. You had a moment during the manoeuvre to grab the last two cocktails from your bag, lighting the rag and then throwing one at the belly of the infected creature. It tossed and turned as the fire covered its body, you ran up towards a desk and yelled for Joel to help, seeing your plan of action he wasted no time in joining you. The Bloater had squirmed his way in front of a window and together you and Joel pushed the table hard, scraping along the floor it gave the necessary nudge needed to push it against the window, shattering it instantly and it fell out the ledge onto the street.  

After reloading his gun, Joel shot it another two times in the head, this time more accurately given the proximity and its wallowing stopped. “Joel I -” he stopped you in your tracks, holding a hand out to you and then turned to face you, he shook his head as he throws his shirt over his shoulder “I knew this was a bad idea”  

You stared at him wide eyed, “I didn’t plan for this to happen, Joel” emotions are soaring through your veins, one of them that is standing out from the rest is frustration. His eyes are tearing into your soul. “But you prepare for it! You expect the unexpected” he steps closer to you during his rant and you step back with him.  

When he breezes past you, smacking your ass hard eliciting a yelp to escape your lips, you turn to protest as he enters the locker room but when he turns swiftly, pointing a finger in the air you’re stopped by him “always expect the unexpected Y/N,” He winks before he then shuts the door to resume his shower.  

Dumbstruck by the encounter you’re speechless to say anything else, even five minutes later when he exits the shower, you’re still at a loss for words. Leaving MV Police Department with him, you couldn’t think on what to say, feeling his handprint burned onto your ass now fading away is all you could think about and how you want to feel it again. So, walking in front of him now and fed up of the uncertainty, finally building enough courage to do something about it, about his teasing-asshole like-flirting remarks, about leaving you on edge all the time, questioning whether he indeed feels the same way or not, you take the opportunity to inflict the same treatment on him, to tease him.  

Halting your walk and turning to face him, you place your hand on his chest then push him backwards to the hood of a car and finally smash your lips against his. He groans deeply into the kiss when you slip your tongue inside, swirling it around with his own. When his hands find purchase on your hips, you grab a hold of them, slamming them on the hood, to then start rubbing his growing erection over the fabric of his clothes, which makes him gasp. As the kiss gets rougher and he grows even harder you stop your actions all together and step back, smirking widely at him, upon seeing his face contort in question as he readjusts himself in his pants, you say -

“Did you expect that, Joel?”

Chapter 6

@kirsteng42 😘

[isthatanascot]

Spending NYE with the boys.

First collab with @quisieracnco​! Go check out the NYE collab post to read the rest of the imagines, one shots and headcanons about the boys from the writers!

(Just letting you know, the gifs arent mine lol)

Christopher.

He’s been wanting to introduce you as his girlfriend for a while now, so he thinks doing it at the NYE dinner with his family in Ecuador would be amazing.

“Preciosa is the food ready? Tengo hambre”.

“Chris we just finished setting the table”.

His abuelita is mentioning how cute you both look together all the time.

Which makes him blush and giggle a lot.

You are a little nervous but play it cool because you really want to make a great impression, even though everyone already likes you.

When everyone is sat on the table, the first subject they start talking about is you.

“You must be a really good friend. Christopher has never invited someone for any dinner”.

He distracts them by telling stories of you two while holding hands under the table until someone changes the subject.

After dinner everyone has to go to the living room and you sit together.

His mom is really sweet with you the whole night and you treat her like your own mom.

But obviously his tíos tease him a lot about how nervous he looks around you.

“Well of course compadre, girlfriends usually make their boyfriends nervous when they are so beautiful and around family”.

Everyone gasp excited and welcomes you to the family.

“Ay papá. Now you can be my official midnight kiss every year from now on”.

Richard.

He really wanted you both to spend the holiday alone, so he plans something special.

Actually he plans the whole day, making appointments to get your nails and hair done, even to get you a day at the spa.

When you come back home, he surprises you with a big box on your bed that has a new dress, lingerie, accesories, heels and a new bottle of perfume.

But he also gets all dressed up with that suit you like so much and wears the cologne that makes you melt for him.

After you get ready, he instantly regrets choosing the outfit for you, because he just wants to spend the night admiring you in it.

“Can you please tell me where are we going?”

“Okay fine, we are going to that restaurant I took you our first date”.

“Baby... I don’t think any restaurant is open tonight”.

“Of course it is. It has to be”.

When you get there he looks so disappointed that it is closed and you feel bad for him.

But when you come back home, he leads you to the backyard where a table is set already for you two.

He made you think you were going out while the food was cooking and you tell him the house could have set on fire.

He just laughs because he had everything under control and then have a nice dinner in the backyard.

After your midnight kiss you spend a steamy night that both of you enjoy a lot.

Joel.

He’s a mama’s boy so he takes you to his abuelita’s home to celebrate the holiday there.

It’s one of those times he doesn’t wear a bandanna and he looks like a very handsome grown up.

His cousins ask you why you are dating him if he’s always so shy and quiet.

He kinda feels down about it because of that.

But you tell them all the reasons that made you fall in love with him.

Joel smiles proudly and kisses your head after hearing all of that.

His mom asks him if you treat him good because she cares about her baby boy.

“Mom, I know she’s my first girlfriend, but I know she’s the one.”

You overhear the conversation by accident but that makes you smile for the rest of the night.

“Bebé, I want to show you something”.

He takes you to his childhood room and pulls out a small notebook from his pocket that has songs and phrases he wrote about you for the whole year.

You can’t help but tear up a little finding it lovely.

“You are such a dork”.

“But I’m your dork”.

Zabdiel.

You both decide to celebrate NYE at a friend’s party.

So you start getting ready early to win some time.

You realize you haven’t seen Zabdiel around the house the past two hours so you go look for him.

“Zabdiel! Wake up! We are going to be late!”

He groans and covers himself completely because he is still sleepy.

“Baby come on! At least get changed.”

“Can’t we stay home and watch Netflix or something?”

“No but we can come back earlier if you start getting ready”.

“Ugh, okay fine”.

You arrive on time to the party and now he can’t keep his hands off you, like he barely lets you get off his lap to get drinks or dance.

After a while you notice he is actually having fun.

“Babe, do you think there’s an empty room upstairs?”

“Zabdi, you ain’t going to sleep at a party”.

By the end of the night you both are the only ones making out in the balcony while everyone else is counting down inside.

As promised, you go back home early just to watch one of his shows on Netflix before both of you tease each other.

Erick.

He is also a mama’s boy, so he convinces you to invite both of your families to your new apartment so they can meet and make your relationship a little more serious.

Both of your families get along quickly and they all love seeing you in love with each other.

His sister tells you how much he talks about you all the time.

Erick really is showing off to make a great impression to your family.

But also kind of joking around about making you his wife soon.

His mom knows the look in his eyes and notices he is being serious but hiding it.

Your parents find it adorable because both of you are still young.

You don’t take it seriously since he’s always joking about basically everything.

“Princesa, I think your family likes me already”

“How can’t they like you? You are being so sweet to everyone mi amor”.

You both spend the rest of the night giving yourselves pecks and everyone finds it adorable.

Both of your families end up giving you two their blessings for a long happy relationship.

[mwolf0epsilon]

who are you dbh ocs!!! what are they like? are any of them androids? (sorry if that terminology is wrong i dont know much about dbh (im assuming you mean detroit become human but if you arent thats double embarrassing))

You got that right, it is Detroit: Become Human, no need for embarassment!And to answer the question, the majority of my DBH ocs are androids, with a few being android dogs actually.I’ll list all of them here and give a brief look into who they are and what they’re like, buckle up it’ll be a long one ^^;

Androids:

Joel the EM400 - Like most EM400s he worked for an amusement park, but he was tasked with maintaining the haunted house attraction. As a result, Joel had to deal with jumpy people who’d kick and punch him and overall behave abusively towards the actors in the haunted house. He ended up deviating purely out of fear when someone sicked their supposed “service dog” on him. Joel is an anxious mess and an aspiring novelist.

Jindosh the HR900 - He’s a custom Korean Traci that traveled to Detroit after the revolution. The Eden Club wasn’t the only facility of it’s kind, and it’s obvious the Traci models in Korea have just as many horror stories to tell, if the extensive damage to Jindosh’s face is anything to go by. He works as a body guard for hire.

Sergei the PL600 - Jessica Lamb’s PL600 who was bought under the guise of taking care of her baby. Was actually tortured for fun and came out of it psychologically damaged and prone to odd fits. Is a masochist and a drag queen and probably my favorite out of my OCs.

Noah the PL600 - A special edition PL600 who’s main design difference is that he has green eyes. He’s a soft spoken individual who belonged to a man for a few weeks before he was traded in for an AP700. He worked for several other families for a while before ending up at a pawnshop.

Dakota the CX100 - Once a CX100 named David, Dakota is an extraordinary example of how modding doesn’t necessarily have to go the same track as what Zlatko did to his androids. Being perhaps one of very few trans androids does come with hardships, but Dakota has enough friends and allies that she’s always one call away from help if someone tries anything.

Monochrome the CX100 - Chrome is another interesting CX100. He’s an android that works as a dancer for a strip club called the Steamy Piston. The one thing that sets him apart from most standard CX100s is that his hair is black and his eyes are grey, which is where he gets his name.

Apollo the AP700 - He was a faulty AP700 that was purchansed by a family at an absurdly low price with added costumization. His memory chip malfunctioned during production, which made it impossible for him to recall things or people unless he was standing right in front of them. For a while this meant that Apollo couldn’t register a name for himself until he was properly repaired. His appearence is that of a PL600, but his hair is a shade darker, his face is noticeably freckled and his eyes are a different color each. He was abandoned and lived in the Android Junkyard for a while…He’s a bit cold at times but is actually a pretty affectionate guy.

Eddie the WK218 - A british maintenence android that was stolen and modded before being sold in a flea market as a partner model. He’s an anxious clumsy mess who’s definitly not used to being indoors, but the people who rescued him have properly adopted him into the family and he couldn’t be more grateful.

Aleshenka “The Stag” the WM500 - The Stag is a living urban legend that is seen roaming unlit streets at night. They are a heavily modded WM500 who’s created a small circle of cultists followers. To maintenence and construction worker androids, the Stag is a merciful creature. To android abusers, they are a merciless prosecutor. For some reason, interfacing with them is like being consumed by white noise, and it leaves other androids reeling and unnerved.

Veronica the WR400 - A rather shy WR400 that was purchansed by the Eden Club to substitute North when she was reported missing. She made a friend out of Scott, a HR400, and the two tried to run away after Echo and Ripple were let go by Connor and Hank. Unfortunately Veronica and Scott were caught, and while they did manage to escape, Scott was shot down, leaving Veronica no choice but to salvage her friend’s memory chip and find a temporary body to house it until she could get him a new proper one.

Scott the HR400/K9300 - Originally he was a HR400 that had the appearence of a PJ500. After making friends with Veronica, the two attempted to escape the Eden Club but Scott ended up getting shot down. When he next awoke, he was in the body of a guard dog model made to look like a massive pit bull. Sarcastic and often rude, Scott doesn’t mind the fact he’s basically the real life Scooby Doo, but god does he miss having opposable thumbs.

Ragnarok the K9300 - A guard dog model that looks like a rottweiller, Roky is a very friendly pooch who, despite having been horribly beaten by his owner, is eager to make friends. He seems to think he’s a lap dog.

Chitin the K9099 - A police dog model made to look like a german shepard that was used in an illegal android fighting ring. She’s a lot smarter than she seems, which is how she managed to escape and end up at the K9 devision of the DPD. She’s not just a good girl, she is the best girl.

Regi the K9300 - Val’s personal guard dog model and her only remaining family member. He’s loyal to a fault and will protect his owner at any cost. He’s a fan of belly rubs and ear scratches.

Zulu the WMK9 - A military grade android attack dog. He’s big, fast and scary. Enough said on that matter.

Miles the RK300 - An RK series prototype and also Cyberlife’s first attempt at utilizing the RK models in their pursuit for knowledge on deviancy. He was subjected to all sorts of experimentation to try to induce deviancy in an android and then attempt to newtralize it. This including psychological torture and physical torture as a means to fix a glitch…It didn’t work whatsoever and Miles eventually escaped and hid within the walls of Cyberlife Tower. He’s terrified of everything, including his own shadow. 

Tristan the RK700 - The predecessor of the Connor model, Tristan was designed for infiltration. Cyberlife assumed that, by having an android that could blend in, they’d be able to stop deviancy at it’s root. Sadly, because they tested Tristan through military espionage missions, Cyberlife lost track of their prototype and he went rogue. Tristan is currently a mercenary for hire, chosing to work for the highest bidder, and lives what is essentially a double life. One where he has a civilian personality and appearence, and another where he can disguise himself as whomever he pleases.

Humans:

Artyum Kutznekov the Ex-Cyberlife Engineer - A 21 year old russian immigrant who came to america for a second chance. After lucking out and getting a job at Cyberlife as an engineer, Artyum soon came to realize something just wasn’t right with what the company was doing and that deviancy was more than just a glitch or virus. Unable to keep working out of disgust and guilt, Artyum quit and became a bit of a shuttin. This all changed when one rainy night he came across a severely damaged Sergei and decided to do some good with his skills as an engineer. He’s a gruff bitter young man who looks 40 due to his prematurely graying hair and unkept appearence.

Valentina Hernández the Illegal Modder - A latina 18 year old who helped her father mod androids for a living. A child prodigy, Val had a bright future ahead of her before Cyberlife began to blacklist modders due to the “danger” they posed for the company. When her father refused to stop modding, things took a turn to the worse, and now Val only has Regi to keep her company. Bitter and angry over the injustice her family suffered, Val has taken it upon herself to royally screw over Cyberlife, starting with helping deviants change their appearence. She was the one who modded Dakota, and seems to hold a lot of affection towards the CX100.

Elisa “Myu” Corvo the Android Rights Activist - A portuguese android rights activist who saved Eddie from the flea market he was being sold at. A long time advocate for AI and robotics, Elisa came to america to help in any way shape or form she could, even if it means offering temporary shelter or participating in large protests.

Jessica Lamb the Red Ice Addict - I don’t even know where to start with this one. She’s a drug addict, a drug dealer, a child murderer, and she’s a sadist. She bought an android with the sole intention of recording herself torturing it. She and her friends may have something to do with a certain WR600′s mental and physical scarring…Overall Jess is a terrible person and nothing she does is excusable or morally correct.

Chance - A small baby that Apollo found abandoned in a warehouse. Literally the only thing Apollo has to live for anymore.

AI Handlers:

Miles’s Amanda - One of the first iterations of the AMANDA handler, Miles’s Amanda, known as Amy, is a calmer and more understanding version of Amanda Stern’s AI copy. Her mindscape space is a bakery instead of a garden.

Tristan’s Amanda - The fifth iteration of the AMANDA handler, Tristan’s Amanda is closer to the final product, being stricter and more judgemental of Tristan’s overall behaviour and actions, with the one difference being that she does not have the same override protocol as Connor’s Amanda. She can only berate Tristan for his choices. Her mindscape space is a cinema theater.

Tango - An AI copy of Amanda Stern’s professor, Aaron Hoss, who was her greatest inspiration. He was Part of the RK300 tests, suffering through the same amount of torment as Miles, which in turn drove him insane. Known only as TANGO, this AI handler is a lot more ambitious and murderous than the AMANDA program.

[weirdbynorthwest]

Notes on Northern Exposure, S01E01: “Pilot”

Hello and welcome to the first instalment of “Notes on Northern Exposure”, my episode-by-episode commentary covering the entirety of Northern Exposure (CBS, 1990-1995). Without further ado, let’s get started!

 The series opens with Dr. Joel Fleischman (Rob Morrow) on board a plane to Alaska, dumping a lot of expository info on his new pal “Businessman” (John Aylward). We learn that Fleischman’s medical school bills were paid for by the state of Alaska and that, in return, he’s agreed to become their “indentured slave” for the next four years. In other words, the show has a built-in expiration date. Had it been a flop then this might, in retrospect, have seemed unduly optimistic. But the show went on to enjoy both critical acclaim and high ratings, running for six seasons and 110 episodes – providing me with enough material to keep this feature going for the next two years.

We’ll be seeing actor John Aylward again on the show, and in this same season, though not in the same role.

Joel arrives in Anchorage – Alaska’s largest city – only to be told that he’s not needed there. They have too many doctors. But before he can get too excited it’s made clear that the debt has not been cancelled. Instead, he’s expected to head out to Cicely, on the Alaskan Riviera.

What comes next is a lovely montage sequence set to the show’s theme that lets us bask in the stunning scenery of Alaska. That is, if any of the footage shown was of Alaska, as the series was actually filmed in Washington state.

The first Cicelian that Joel meets is Ed Chigliak (Darren E. Burrows). Towards the end of the episode we get our first indication of Ed’s love of cinema, after he gives Joel a pang of homesickness for his beloved New York City. Ed reveals that the source of his New York knowledge is Woody Allen’s Manhattan (1979): “I think Woody’s a genius!” I think Woody’s forever tainted by those sex abuse allegations, but those were two years away at this point. It’ll be interesting to see if Ed’s Woody fandom disappears or takes a backseat around that time. But given that, in 2017, actors are still falling over themselves to work with Allen, I’m not counting on it.

Joel meets up with former astronaut and town patriarch Maurice J. Minnifield (Barry Corbin). There’s some discomfort for Joel as Maurice mentions how excited he was to discover that Cicely “had a crack at a Jew doctor from New York City,” saying that “you boys do outstanding work.” This is the first indication we have of what, at this stage, we might charitably call Maurice’s lack of concern regarding political correctness.

Maurice goes on to introduce an essential piece of the series’ lore: “Cicely and Rosyln founded the town 97 years ago. Rumour and innuendo not withstanding, they were just good friends.” In time we’ll learn that rumour and innuendo were correct, and that Cicely and Roslyn were indeed lovers.

Regarding the painted mural outside Roslyn’s Café, Maurice says that “a hippy passing through painted that picture on the wall” but was so high on “the weed” that he forgot to include the apostrophe. In real life it was actually called the Roslyn Café, as the series was primarily filmed in Roslyn, Washington. The apostrophe was removed after production on the series ended.

At the doctor’s office, Marilyn (Elaine Miles) introduces herself by stepping out of the shadows and saying that she’s here for the receptionist job. This sends Joel running, and by “running” I mean “fleeing in terror”. Why? Was her sudden appearance that startling? Or is there an element of racism behind it?

Anyway, Marilyn persists, effectively giving herself the receptionist job that Joel says doesn’t exist (because he intends to leave town at the earliest opportunity). And she soon proves to be, if anything, overqualified for this job; she can stitch up wounds and has, as we’ll see in a later episode, a miracle cure for flu. Her professionalism in this episode is in sharp contrast to Joel, and I wonder if this is what irks him, as he turns up to work in a sweaty jogging outfit to whine about his situation. Also, he knows that she finds him ridiculous (“Please stop smiling at me. You’re constantly smiling at me.”). Joel is, in fact, an excellent doctor – but it takes Marilyn’s presence and professionalism to make him start acting like one.

After fleeing from Marilyn, Joel runs into the local bar, the Brick, and tries to renege on his contract in an angry phone call. He rants about Cicely being “the worst place on Earth,” and being stuck in a “godforsaken hole-in-the-wall pigsty with a bunch of dirty, psychotic rednecks.” Okay, so Joel is doing his level best to make himself loathsome. There’s nothing about Cicely, the Brick or its patrons to make these remarks seem remotely justified.

The Brick’s proprietor, Holling Vincoeur (John Cullum), provides Joel with a free meal and a surprisingly sympathetic ear, given Joel’s less than stellar review of Holling’s establishment. Holling explains to a curious Joel that his falling out with Maurice – until recently, his closest friend – was due to an argument over former “Miss Pacific Northwest” Shelly Marie Tambo (Cynthia Geary), who fell in love with Holling after Maurice brought her to Cicely with the intention of marrying her.

One problem that I have with this episode is that it doesn’t really treat Shelly as a character with agency. Sure, we’re told that she left Maurice and offered herself to Holling, but she doesn’t get to tell us that herself. That will soon change, but it’s still a pity that she doesn’t get a single line of spoken dialogue in this episode.

Whilst waiting for a phone call at the Brick, Joel is approached by Maggie O’Connell (Janine Turner). As Maggie attempts to introduce herself, Joel tells her that “the petulant aggressive thing is a real turn-off,” that he’s engaged to be married to “a real knockout,” and that she should take her “business somewhere else.” Joel’s sexism here – the way he automatically assumes Maggie must be coming on to him - stinks. Also, how do you look at Janine Turner and say those things? And then she drops the mic with: “I’m not a hooker, I’m your landlord.” Oy!

So what we have here is a classic example of the “will they / won’t they” TV trope. Once upon a time, this trope was everywhere you cared to look on network television. I think it’s fair to say that it’s no longer as common as it once was. The “battle of the sexes” mentality that informs it feels pretty archaic, but that could just be me. Perhaps romance in general just isn’t as prevalent on TV now as it was in the 90s? Conventional wisdom has it that a show dies when/if that “will they / won’t they” tension gets resolved, and keeping that tension going must be difficult if your show stands to run for several seasons. In real life, steamy romantic tensions don’t generally last 6-7 years, the average length of a US TV show. Keep it going too long and it’s at risk of seeming contrived. Then again, it can seem contrived right from the get-go, and that’s the case with Northern Exposure, as much as I enjoy this show. While the Fleischman/O’Connell relationship will evolve over time, I find it weird watching them launch into these slanging matches in the show’s early days. It’s as if they’ve been bickering since long before the show began.

Later on in the episode we cut to Maggie and Joel having a late-night drinking session in the Brick, where they appear to be the last customers. This scene exists to reveal more information about Maggie, but rather than have Maggie tell us herself the show treats us to yet another expository info-dump from a drunken Joel. Something else that made me cringe during this scene was Joel’s sudden acknowledgment of the obvious and indisputable beauty of Janine Turner on this show, which immediately tells you that this is the “will they?” scene.

And then we get the “DID they?!” scene, as Joel wakes up in a different bed in a different cabin. He finds one of Maggie’s shoes and assumes that fornication must have occurred. Things are moving fast for a 40-minute episode! But then Joel meets Maggie’s current beau, Rick Pederson (Grant Goodeve), and after an awkward exchange we learn that no fornication has occurred. This is one of the few times that we actually get to see Rick. Though Maggie and Joel are both in relationships, their respective partners are rarely seen and the relationships are never treated as the obstacles you’d think they’d be.

Joel is forced to mediate between Walter (Art LaFleur) and his wife Edna (Lois Foraker), who has tried shooting him and stabbing him with a swiss army knife and just doesn’t know what else to do to get his attention. Marilyn votes for divorce, and one of the first things you learn about Marilyn is that she is never wrong about anything. Still, we get to see Joel as marriage counsellor, and it’s another example of just how good his people skills can be.

The episode concludes with a large local gathering, the ninth Annual Arrowhead County Summer Wonderland Festival. It brings the series’ cast together in a grand display of the community spirit that will come to define the series.

It’s at the festival that we get our first few shots of Chris Stevens (John Corbett), Cicely’s local radio disc-jockey. It seems bizarre, in retrospect, that a character defined by his voice should be voiceless here. If you haven’t seen the show before, then you might think it odd that the camera keeps cutting to this as yet unknown character.

Holling has a quiet word with Maurice, and it’s worth singling out Corbin’s performance here as it is genuinely affecting. Maurice asks Holling what it’s like to be in love, the implication being that Maurice has never experienced “true” romantic love. A former astronaut, Maurice has staked his claim on Alaska, “the last frontier”, and been to space, “the final frontier��. But love represents a new frontier for Maurice and some of his best episodes are the ones that explore that theme. It’s significant then that Shelly, in this episode, is not presented to us as a person but as both an object (a trophy winner at risk of becoming a trophy bride) and a place (“Miss Pacific Northwest”). Maurice’s infatuation with Shelly in these early episodes has little to nothing to do with her as a person, and everything to do with whatever it is that she represents to him. Unexplored virgin territory perhaps, similar to the “new-found-land” of John Donne. That’s not to say that Shelly is a virgin, but a man like Maurice, old enough to be her (grand)father, is unlikely to split hairs. In other words we’re talking about lust, not love. But that’s all I have to say on the subject for now, as the show will return to it before long and, when it does, we’ll not only have a better idea of what Maurice thinks of Shelly, but Shelly will finally be able to share with us her side of the story.

Whether or not Joel intends it, he’s become a part of this community by the end of the episode. The moose burger might be an acquired taste, but it looks as if Joel will be able to not just reconcile himself to his new surroundings but even come to enjoy life in Cicely.

[justtheendoftheday]

Ghost (1990)

“It seems like whenever anything good in my life happens, I’m just afraid I’m going to lose it.” “I love you. I really love you.” “Ditto.”

After his death a banker finds himself stuck as a ghost when his attachments to life prevent him from crossing over. But when he learns that his death was no accident he teams up with a scam-artist psychic to bring justice to those responsible and bring closure to his loss.

Fright: 1.5 / 5 - Affluent White Ghosts

The film is rarely trying to frighten you (although their depiction of getting dragged to hell—while slightly dated—is still a bit creepy). However, it does a great job at is making you scared for the characters. I mean, the film kills off the main character at the start, so there’s no telling who else is gonna join him, right?

Gore: 1.5 / 5 - Painstaking Revenges

You definitely see some people die. While they never show a lot of gore, some gore is certainly implied. And since they treat death with realism and seriousness it carries more weight than it normally does in spooky movies.

Jump Scares: Almost none

They are a couple of potential startles, but it’s really not the kind of movie that’s tries to jump scare people.

Review:

While a bit dated (and a bit out of touch) in some regards, Whoopi Goldberg’s performance is still superb and her role as Oda Mae Brown makes Ghost a very enjoyable movie with a little something for everyone: a few steamy scenes and a romantic heart, spooky fun throughout, quality laughs, and a mystery/thriller undercurrent.

Thoughts:

When you think about Ghost it’s hard to not first think about the romance...okay, let’s be honest here, we’re mostly just remembering that one steamy scene at the pottery wheel. But this isn’t Truly, Madly, Deeply and the Sam (Patrick Swayze) / Molly (Demi Moore) relationship actually isn’t the primary focus of the movie, just the emotional core. And strangely enough this is exactly what saves this movie from being forgettable and irrelevant all these decades later.

Don’t get me wrong, as far as romances go Swayze and Moore do a good job, but their roles really aren’t anything too unique. I’m pretty sure you could do a remake of this and recast those roles without breaking a sweat. However, the x-factor that launches this movie into new territory is Whoopi Goldberg.

When it comes to spooky movies there’s nothing that really compares to Whoopi Goldberg as Oda Mae Brown. She even won an Oscar for her performance here! She single-handedly sets the tone for the whole movie: fun and humorous but with emotional depth.

Oda Mae is far and away the most interesting character in the film. In an ideal world she would be the main character instead of Sam. Here’s this black woman who gets stuck with some self-important rich white dude who won’t leave her alone. And let me tell you, watching her put him in his place is a delight. She is tough as nails and absolutely refuses to put up with any of disrespect from him.

Which actually leads us to one of Ghost’s main problems: it is essentially a movie focused around affluent white people—two of whom are hot shot bankers (barf)—and both the main protagonist and antagonist use people of color to do their dirty work for them. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the only people of color in the movie are a family of scam artists and a sleazy criminal. I think the film wants you to relate to Sam, but I was struck by just how entitled and selfish Sam is. He doesn’t really care about the ramifications of throwing Oda Mae into his shitstorm and then he has the gall to be annoyed when she doesn’t want to drop everything and go out of her way to help him in his dangerous quest without there being anything in it for her.

And don’t think I didn’t notice the whole subtle early-90s misogyny thing at work throughout. You aren’t getting away with that one either, Ghost. I mean, come on, Sam, you can’t even say “I love you”? Or how about the scene where Sam tells Molly that the only person whose opinion of her art that matters is his? Get over yourself.

Luckily these problematic elements are generally more flashes of ingrained 90’s ignorance than anything else, and aren’t bad enough to tank the film as a whole. Honestly there’s a lot of quality content in this one. Swayze and Goldberg work great together and their buddy dynamic is super entertaining, it handles danger incredibly well and really makes you scared about what could happen to the characters, and when it does go for an emotional moment, gosh darnit, it delivers.

Ghost is certainly a product of it’s time and while it really isn’t a movie that’ll knock your socks off, it’s still quite fun to watch. It also does a rather interesting job of exploring the ideas of grief and loss. And If nothing else, Whoopi Goldberg and Patrick Swayze’s performances are a real treat.

—————————————

Directed by: Jerry Zucker

Writer: Bruce Joel Rubin

Country of Origin: USA

Language: English

Setting: New York City, New York, USA

—————————————

—————————————

Content Warnings: There’s a violent mugging, there’s also a rather creepy home invasion scene that strongly implies that the criminal was intending to force himself on the woman who lives there, but ultimately he is scared away before he can try.

After-credits Scene?: None

—————————————

“Can I help you?” “Yeah. Put your hands up here. Get them wet. Now just let the clay slide between your fingers.”

[luxus4me]

GolfWRX http://j.mp/2VE4IW2

By Ben Alberstadt (ben.alberstadt@golfwrx.com)

December 17, 2018

Good Monday morning, golf fans.

1. Feel-good stories of the year

The whole of 2018 may have been a Tiger Woods feel-good story (on the heels of the 2017 Woods feel-bad story as a foil). However, TW was but a dish in a multi-course meal of homestyle favorites.

Golf Digest’s Joel Beall rounded up his top-15 feel-good stories of 2018. Included in his list…JoAnne Carner at the Senior Women’s Open

“JoAnne Carner’s legacy was well intact when she arrived at Chicago Golf Club for the inaugural U.S. Senior Women’s Open, but the player known as “Big Mama” left the Windy City by augmenting her legend status. Carner, who won the U.S. Open in 1971 and 1976, birdied the 18th hole to shoot 79, her age, in her opening round. Not bad for someone who hadn’t walked a golf course in 15 years.”

...and Cody Blick

“Cody Blick needed to jump 34 spots in the final round of Q-School to earn Web.com Tour status. A challenge daunting in itself, especially so after Blick’s equipment was stolen following the third round. All Blick did is turn in a Sunday 63, highlighted by a back-nine 31, a score that vaulted him into the 25 to grab guaranteed starts next season. Not bad, given the borrowed set in tow. “Hitting bad shots was OK, almost, like, ‘Dude, I have a mismatched set. It’s not expected of me to hit good shots,'” Blick said. “In a weird way, that was comforting.” Sorry Johnny Miller, but there’s a new best all-time 63 in town.”

Matt Parziale, Sang Moon Bae, Lexi Thompson, and more in the full list.

Full piece.

2. Lipsky victorious 

Golfweek’s Alistair Tait…”David Lipsky will enter 2019 as European No. 1 after winning the Alfred Dunhill Championship in South Africa, the last event of 2018. He joins Kurt Kitayama as the two American winners, after Kitayama’s victory in the Afrasia Bank Mauritius Open.”

“Lipsky earned his second victory following the 2014 Omega European Masters with a two-shot win over Scotland’s David Drysdale. The 30-year-old Northwestern graduate entered the final round one shot behind ex-Augusta State player Scott Jamieson. A closing 4-under 68 gave him a 14-under 274 total and a check for just under $270,000.”

Full piece.

3. A victory for Love(s)

AP Report…”Davis Love III and his son Dru played so well Sunday that they set two scoring records, rallied from a three-shot deficit to win the PNC Father-Son Challenge and then wondered if they would get to play again.”

“Team Love shot 27 on the front nine at The Ritz-Carlton Golf Club to get in the mix, took the lead with a birdie at No. 11 and finished off their record round with four more birdies an eagle for a 16-under 56, breaking by one the 18-hole record in a scramble format.”

“They won by three shots at 26-under 118, another record in the scramble format….”Who knows? This might be our last time playing, so it was fun to finish it off,” Davis Love III said.”

“The 36-hole event is for players who have won a major or The Players Championship, and their partner cannot hold a PGA Tour-sanctioned card. Dru Love has played 17 times in the last two years on the PGA Tour, European Tour and Web.com Tour, but he has yet to earn a card and missed out in the qualifying tournament this year.”

Full piece.

4. LPGA Tour: Top 10 moments in 2018

Beth Ann Nichols rounded up the 10 most significant moments on the LPGA Tour in 2018.

Here are two…”Michelle Wie drained a birdie bomb from off the green on the 72nd hole in steamy Singapore to win for the first time since 2014. Wie took the HSBC Women’s World Championship, also known as “Asia’s Major,” in stirring fashion with a 35-foot putt that broke her out of a four-way tie for the lead. The LPGA’s resident needle-mover credited her family’s relentless belief for propelling her through a four-year drought.”

“Lexi Thompson’s sparkling performance at the season-ending CME Group Tour Championship – her first of 2018 – was among the most significant of her young career. Burdened from 18-months of hardship and disappointment, Thompson took a break mid-season to work on herself. It became obvious in Naples that her puppy, Leo, played a key role in helping Thompson feel like her old self. Her golf game looked vintage too, with the stock draw and old putter helping her back to the winner’s circle.”

Full piece.

5. Quotes of the year

The Golf Channel crew did some textual mining and assembled the best quotes of 2018.

“I never counted him out. When somebody said, ‘How is your [major] record, Jack?’ I said, ‘If Tiger comes back and plays I still think he’s got a shot at breaking my record.” – Jack Nicklaus on whether or not he believes Tiger Woods can still reach 19 major wins

“I would argue [Tiger Woods] got the least out of his talent of any player, maybe in history.” – Brandel Chamblee

”I think I’m going to do exactly the same thing I did (Friday) night. I’m going to have a margarita as an aperitif, and then I’m going to have a nice bottle of Rioja (wine) and smoke a big fat cigar.” – Miguel Angel Jimenez on refusing to change his routine the night before the final round even with a three-shot lead (p.s. It worked.)

“Nope … He has my number.” – Patrick Reed, on whether or not he’s spoken to Jordan Spieth after the Ryder Cup.

Full piece.

6. Farewell, Charlie

Charlie Rymer is leaving Morning Drive for the greener pastures of retirement, golf, and charitable involvement.

Golfweek’s Forecaddie…”the Tennessee-born, South Carolina-raised Rymer confirmed he is departing the morning talk show for a scaled-back Golf Channel role in 2019.”

“Rymer said he’ll next be seen on April’s Drive, Chip and Putt Championship. He plans to relocate to Myrtle Beach, S.C., with wife Carol to play some golf, fish and focus on charity work for his favorite causes: junior golf and military veterans.”

“It’s been a wonderful run here, you guys are going to make me cry,” Rymer said at the conclusion of Sunday’s “Morning Drive” as he thanked the “hard-working men and women on the crew” along with his colleagues.”

Full piece.

7. Sports Personality of the Year!

BBC Report…”Italian golfer Francesco Molinari has been named World Sport Star of the Year at the BBC’s Sports Personality show.”

“The 36-year-old enjoyed a memorable 2018, most notably winning the Open Championship at Carnoustie in July to secure his first major and become the first Italian to win the title.”

“In September, he helped Europe to Ryder Cup victory over the United States. In doing so, Molinari became the first European player to win all five of his matches.”

Full piece.

8. Back on the bag

Brentley Romine writes…”Damon Green wasted no time finding a new boss…The 58-year-old Green and Zach Johnson parted ways last week after nearly 15 years, two majors and 11 total PGA Tour victories. Five days later, Green has agreed to caddie for Schniederjans beginning next year.”

“The news was first reported by The Caddie Network and confirmed to Golf Channel by Schniederjans’ agent.”

“According to a report by Golfweek, Johnson’s agent helped facilitate a meeting between Green and Schniederjans, who played golf together last week at the Golf Club of Georgia before Green headed back home to caddie for Jim Furyk’s dad, Mike, in the PNC Father/Son Challenge in Orlando, Fla. On Thursday night, Green and Schniederjans reached an agreement over the phone.”

Full piece.

9. Tiger’s best swing ever? 

Quothe the Golden Bear…

“I think his swing is much better now than it ever was. The reason for that is Tiger was very much up and down with his head and I think that put a lot of pressure on his back.

“The fusion that he had, obviously was something he didn’t want but it was something he needed. … I didn’t think he would ever play golf as well as he’s playing.

“I never dreamed that he would play quite as well as he has and that the operation actually leveled out his head and leveled out his swing.”

http://j.mp/2Qscpeh via GolfWRX URL : http://j.mp/2xIqpYD

[captainswanbigbang]

CSBB Author Spotlight: xhookswenchx

Today’s Captain Swan Big Bang Spotlight features @xhookswenchx!

What is your writing process like?

Lots of of caffeine and chaos. That's really the only way to describe it.

What do you think your greatest strength is as a writer?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I try to keep things as relatable as possible, and I like to think that reflects in the characters in the stories I tell.

What’s a particular trope or kind of story you’ve wanted to try, but haven’t gotten to yet?

I haven't written much in the Enchanted Forest/Fantasy setting. It's something I have always wanted to write in, but I've been too afraid to really try more of.

Who is your favorite OUAT character to write?

Killian. He's so complex, and it's so much fun to peel those layers and see how he, and the other characters that surround him, react.

If you are new to the Captain Swan Big Bang, what made you decide to sign up? What are you looking forward to?

A friend convinced me I could get 50k out of my little ficlet idea, so after some back and forth with world building, I figured I'd give it a shot. I'm looking forward to seeing where my story takes me, and I also can't wait to see what everyone else comes up with!

Favorite Fics:

Dammit (AO3)

While it's not necessarily my best fic, it's my first. It's a season 3/season 4 canon divergence where Emma and Killian are expecting their first child. Just a family fun story.

Piano Man (AO3)

If ever there were a story created simply because I love Billy Joel, and the idea of Killian Jones playing piano, well...this is it. It took me a long time to finish it, and I'm proud of it because I brought together two of my favorite things to create it.

Arrangements (AO3)

It was my first attempt at an Enchanted Forest story. I'm proud of it because it was out of my comfort zone on a couple levels. Like I said, I'm not really comfortable with EF stories, so it was my first attempt. It also had one of my first truly steamy scenes.

Check out xhookswenchx on FFnet - AO3 - Tumblr

[mikemortgage]

Terence Corcoran: As Canada gets more conservative, Canadian activists try making America socialist

“Good morning,” said the cheery email from the PR firm hired to promote a new documentary set for its Canadian premier later this month. It went downhill from chirpy good morning to anti-corporate nightmare as the PR pitch unspooled. “With the SNC-Lavalin scandal currently captivating us all, I wanted to reach out as we’re working on publicity for Emmy-winning director Fred Peabody’s new documentary, The Corporate Coup d’État screening at Hot Docs Festival in Toronto.”

The documentary itself is a careening leftist screed against corporations and the alleged big-business takeover of the United States under Donald Trump, described as the “grotesque visage of a collapsed democracy.”

Given the SNC-Lavalin scandal, the PR people suggested, “it’s an important time to look at the parallels that are happening in Canada.”

There is no actual mention of SNC-Lavalin in The Corporate Coup d’État, but there’s plenty of old-fashioned Canadian radicalism to warm the steamy imaginations of Canada’s leftists. The film’s director is from Vancouver, and two of the star intellectual performers beating the drums of neo-Marxist economics are Maude Barlow and John Ralston Saul. Most Canadians have forgotten these two legends of national activism, but they anchor the U.S.-focused Coup d-Etat.

Terence Corcoran: China’s most dangerous export is anti-market ideology. And we’re buying it

Terence Corcoran: Trans Mountain is the cost of Corporate Canada surrendering to green enemies

Terence Corcoran: Whether Earth’s population booms or busts, the future still looks promising

The doc’s opening seconds show scenes from Trump’s inauguration, overlaid with creepily ominous music and Ralston Saul’s voice delivering creepily ominious words: “It could be argued that we are now in the midst of a coup d’état in slow motion. Democracy is weakening, corporatism is strengthening. Yet none of us has chosen this route for our society in spite of which our elites, quite happily, continue down it.”

In a way, Coup d’État is a follow-up to another Canadian propaganda documentary, Joel Bakan’s 2003 The Corporation (which also featured an appearance by Barlow). A sequel to that Canadian takedown of U.S. big business is also said to be in the works.

Exactly how SNC-Lavalin fits the U.S. narrative, or the corporate-coup theme, is far from clear —although there is certainly a movement in Canada to turn the Quebec firm’s troubles into a metaphor for the corporate infiltration of politics.

A few hours before the email promoting the documentary landed last week, the CBC published a suggestive news report that amounted to a smear on former business leaders associated with SNC-Lavalin. “What the SNC board may have known about the firm’s dealings in Libya,” said the headline. Below were mug shots of a dozen prominent Canadians who sat on the SNC-Lavalin board when the company allegedly paid bribes to the corrupt Moammar Gadhafi dictatorship in Libya.

Canadian oil industry veteran Gwyn Morgan, who chaired the SNC-Lavalin board through part of the Libyan corruption period, told the CBC that he and other board members were unaware of illegal activities. But the CBC still dragged the names of a dozen Canadians — including former MP Lorna Marsden, veteran businessman Ian Bourne, former senator Hugh Segal and Chapters founding CEO Lawrence Stevenson — through the corruption story. The insinuation behind the smear job was that the reason SNC-Lavalin is seeking a deferred prosecution agreement is to protect board members and top executives from the public humiliation of a trial.

Moving along now to the next Canadian anti-corporate rage to infiltrate my email in recent days, we have a short video titled “A Message From the Future With Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.” As readers will know, Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), promoter of the “Green New Deal,” is the U.S. Democrats’ standard-bearer for America’s radical socialist left.

AOC provides the voiceover to an animated portrayal of the horrors created by Exxon and other “massive corporations” who, despite knowing that global warming loomed, kept “digging, mining, drilling and fracking like there was no tomorrow.” What America needs, says AOC, is national child care, a national jobs program, an end to fossil fuel use and a total remake of the economy: Socialism with American characteristics.

If the video’s message sounds a little familiar, a kind of Leap Manifesto for America, it’s no coincidence. One of the video’s creators is Canadian Naomi Klein (who also starred in Bakan’s anti-corporate documentary). Klein describes the animated video as AOC’s call for America to look to the glory days of the 1930s and Franklin D. Roosevelt’s original New Deal as the model for a green version. The video’s credits also say it was “co-written” by Avi Lewis, Klein’s husband and co-creator of the 2015 Leap Manifesto — which even Canada’s NDP has rejected.

Canadians are also behind another anti-corporate screed touring the world, “Anthropocene: The Human Epoch,” which aired on Crave TV this week to mark Earth Day. Created by Canadian photographer Edward Burtynsky and Canadian filmmakers Jennifer Baichwal and Nicholas de Pencier, Anthropocene is a brooding portrayal of planetary ruin caused by a new geological era brought on by human rapaciousness, based on a vicious view of people as pillaging destroyers rather than magnificent creators.

Not all Canadian influence on current cinema culture fits the Barlow/Klein/Lewis/Burtynsky/Ralston Saul worldview. B.C. zoologist Susan Crockford recently exposed the fake claim that climate change had caused walruses to plunge off cliffs to their deaths in a famous scene in “Our Planet,” the Netflix/World Wildlife Fund documentary series. (Her article appears elsewhere in FP Comment Wednesday.)

Talk about a coup d’état: As Canadians move slowly toward more conservative governments, Americans are being lured to the extreme anti-corporate left by some old-time Canadian socialists. Former U.S. President Barack Obama used to say “the world needs more Canada.” America could use a lot less.

• Email: tcorcoran@nationalpost.com | Twitter: terencecorcoran

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