#But even if Danny tell him about his ghost part Constantine would think he's sexy

[nelkcats]

And they were roommates

After years of living on his own in the Infinite Realms, something strange began to happen to the retired hero. Every time Danny closed his eyes to sleep, a life that was not his own played in his head. And he began to see memories of someone who had passed away, from his birth to his death. That would be fine if he didn't remember the dreams in such detail.

Unfortunately when the first dream kept repeating itself continuously, and Danny investigated, he discovered that it was not a normal nightmare and was the life of someone real. Someone who wanted a closure.

Every time he woke up, he found himself feeling the same as in the dream. Which led him to do a couple of things: yell at Nocturne (who strangely had nothing to do with it), annoy Clockwork (who was definitely involved), and solve crimes that had been deemed "impossible", and bring them to an appropriate end.

The police were extremely confused when a note from "Sleepy King" was next to the evidence of a cold case. The truth is that Danny wanted to sleep, and the souls were extremely insistent about their 'unfinished business' that came to haunt him in his sleep.

Every time he cracked a case he earned a few hours of uninterrupted sleep or downright disturbing memories, but that wasn't enough. Unfortunately, it seemed that solving the cases was only attracting more souls, and he was starting to regret wanting to help. He had ended his life as a hero for a reason.

Usually his notes to the police would say something along the lines of "I'm doing this for me, not for you, good night" or some similar nonsense. The halfa was tired, very very tired, dreaming with memories wasn't fun or pretty, it was exhausting, the deaths made his skin crawl and his insomnia worse. He didn't want to relive the deaths of anyone else, but he had no way to scare away the souls.

When Martha Wayne showed up in his dreams showing him about a "court of owls" Danny made up his mind. This had to stop. He had been a hero but he retired. And it wasn't that he hated the souls, he just wanted to sleep, the mental exhaustion was too much.

So he did the stupidest thing possible: he hired Constantine (pretending to be a fairly normal human client, getting his attention after offering a lot of alcohol and some useless books from the Realms as payment) to make him a dream catcher or some wizard thing. All he wanted was something to help him sleep.

Constantine couldn't do that of course. The hellbazer was disturbed by the man with more than three hundred avenging spirits swarming. That was fucked up. So he offered him the only solution he could think of: inviting him to sleep at his house. A place where spirits could not pass without permission. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it would work for a while.

John had no idea why he was doing so much for a client (inviting him to his house? bold move), but the man looked so desperate, and he was fucking cute. If he could get an adventure or two out of it he wouldn't complain.

Constantine's guest bed felt like heaven to the halfa, despite being almost destroyed. Danny repeatedly thanked, and before they both knew it: they were roomies, lived in the same place, took turns cooking or cleaning, etc. They grew comfortable with each other to the point that Danny answered Justice League Dark's calls on a few occasions.

And well, if Constantine stopped rushing to find a long-term solution that was his business, and his alone, okay? Zatanna's comment asking when he got married was fucking out of place.

[praphit]

The Conjuring 3: Licking and Stabbing

Hey, white people! - quit conjuring shit! 

STOP!

You'd think that playing around with demonic forces once would be enough, but... idk, it's like that woman or guy that you know who is toxic, but you can't stay away from them... in this case that “woman or guy” is the devil.

I've really enjoyed this franchise.

The 1st Conjuring - few possession movies have gotten it right, since "The Exorcist", but this movie was on point. I remember seeing this while on a hot date; this movie scared her right into my arms (classic). Thanks, Conjuring!

The 2nd Conjuring - there were more creepy visuals that time around

Then, there was also "Annabelle" ( a few of them), 

and "The Nun". 

Like the world needs more reasons not to want to go to church.

I have enjoyed most of these movies!

They've been about story, making us care about the characters (The Warren's), mystery.... I always have to bring up how the actors here are so much sexier than the real life people. It makes me laugh.

A more accurate casting would have been Danny DeVito and Catherine O'Hara (not that they’re not sexy, cuz they are, but they look more like the real people). 

Picture these two in a serious horror movie. Yeah... so I get it:)

But, The Conjuring Universe has never been about jump scares, torture porn, and blood-thirsty monsters (though I love those:).

Let's see if they continue on that path.

Once again, this movie starts off with a possession. Can you imagine if  demonic possessions were this common?

"Stacey couldn't make it into work today. She's been possessed. I know, I know... it's the third time this year. I keep telling her to get her life right with God, take her vitamins, and quit eating at McDonald's (demons love fast food ridden vessels), but she won't listen."

There are so many possessions that The Warren's need a company. They need to become like Orkin.

There are lessons to be learned with this recent possession:

Don't leave anything around that could be turned into a shiv. No hard objects, in general... during this exorcism, a plate flies from the kitchen and hits some priest in the head. It was frickin hilarious, but easily preventable. No mirrors, Heavy on the demon insurance (you'd think there would be in this universe), and always be ready for a physical fight.

Again, they should all know by now.

If it were ME, i'd roll up there with a gun (rubber bullets, I guess... not trying to kill the vessel), rosary beads wrapped around my fists like brass knuckles. Idk about a wooden bat (again, not trying to kill), but maybe a wiffle bat dipped in holy water. Ooo, and a pack of smokes! Gotta look cool like Constantine.

Towards the end of this exorcism, there's a young man trying to impress this young lady by being the hero to save her possessed brother.

He says LOUDLY "Take me!"  Yeah, so another lesson, no woman/man is worth being possessed over.

It also seems like they would have had this young man (dummy) under surveillance after this. They kinda show you why they didn't, but... the reason doesn't fly with me.

And the young lady! - you just watched as some demon goes from your brother into your boyfriend, and life just goes back to normal for you? Back to school, back to work, hitting up the clubs and ball games? No, she sees her brother stab people and contort his body into a pretzel, then transfer evil into her lover (it just dawned on me that they were probably getting it on with the demon inside him... that's some next level perversion). Point being, several months of therapy, with not wanting to leave your room, TOPS!

So, after the first act, I'm still really into this! You've got the story, the characters I care about - the possessed dumb dumb, his unfazed girlfriend... (who also looks REALLY young. I mean he looks like he's in his late 20's, but she looks like she's 16. Anyway...)

Lorraine Warren who's normally doing most of the work. And Ed Warren, who's normally getting his ass beat by demonic spirits.

The big problem here is the lack of thrills. This third installment is mostly story, and that would be fine, if it were a solid tale, but it's SOOOOOO SOOOOOO hauntingly boring. Like the boredom stays with you after watching the movie; you'll still sense its presence for a few hours afterwards.

I had to cleanse my palate, so I turned on "Adventure Time". 

Nothing wrong with that (i like that cartoon), but picture watching this boring movie with people. Your friends leave the room, but you remain in that room, totally silent. And when they come back you're randomly watching "Adventure Time". I think they thought I was possessed, and maybe I was... the  boredom was real.

It was like a bad lunch date. You get stuck with someone who is immensely boring. You feel like you're stuck in quicksand. It feels like 3 hours have gone by, but it's only been 10 minutes. That's this movie!

Like I said, the story is bad. Big Possessed Dumb Dumb did something awful as a result of, well, being possessed, and now The Warrens are looking for evidence to convince a judge that 'the devil made him do it'. What kind of evidence would that be exactly?!

The only thing that might work would be the devil himself walking into court (looking stereotypically devilish), 

admitting that he made him do it, and then theatrically disappearing. And in a world where we can't agree on facts anymore, I don't even think THAT would have saved the kid. They would have believed that they've all been drugged or something.

There IS an old ghost lady lurking about -  licking people, cursing them... and sometimes stabbing them. You'd think that this would make the movie exciting! But, you'd be wrong.  It could have been cool and kinky (well, not so much the cursing in the name of beelzebub - not MY thing), but the ghost lady was shy with it. Gotta own your weirdness, Ghost Lady! 

It's pretty bad when licking and stabbing becomes yawn-worthy.

Grade: F

The most exciting part of this movie (the ONLY exciting part) is a couple of appearances from a dirty, white, fat, naked guy who appears out of the shadows, and chases people around. I'll remind you that this is based off of a true story. Though, like The Warren's, I'm surprised that he wasn't made to be sexier in the movie. Imagine a clean, naked, ripped, Chris Hemsworth trying to hug people to death. That would be a totally different movie.