#But it does anyway. And the possibly unintentional poetry of it all KILLS me

[stellaluna33]

Okay, so I was rewatching Swan Song today and I was wondering what your thoughts are on why Jess decides not to tell Rory when they’re making up at the end. It seems like he’s gearing up to tell her, making her promise not to mock and not to tell anyone, but then he gets this look on his face and goes with the lie instead. Do you think the swan was standing behind Rory holding a knife in its beak and he lied to protect her?

I always love reading your takes on the characters, so I’d love to hear what you think is going on in his head during that convo.

Hahaha! 😂 (The swan with a knife). Yeah, I have often wondered this same question. And in the end, I think he just chickened out. And as a viewer, KNOWING the truth and then hearing the lie come out of his mouth always makes my heart sink with disappointment and dread, and I wonder if it's supposed to. Like, maybe it's meant to leave the viewer with a sense of unease and foreboding, because even though it looks like they're patching things up on the surface, there's still something wrong underneath. Jess isn't telling Rory everything. He's keeping secrets now (and I think that sets up their spiral at the end of the season).

As to WHY Jess doesn't tell her, from an in-story perspective? I think the bottom line is that he doesn't feel sure that he can trust her. He was going to tell her... but then he second-guessed himself. And I think, despite him saying, "I would have doubted me too," a part of him (the small, secret part of him that longs for love and trust and devotion, even though he thinks he doesn't deserve it) can't quite forget that she did. He had a really bad day... And she was ready to believe the very worst of him. She jumped straight to assuming he was at fault (just like Lorelai, just like everyone else), blaming him for things he didn't do, refusing to listen to him or give him any grace or understanding, and took the Other Guy's side in the altercation she imagined. And that HURTS. Rory is his girlfriend, and she's not on his side. He can't trust her to have his back when everything goes wrong. That's what this incident showed him. And for someone who ALREADY struggles to trust anyone? This incident will always be a lingering doubt in his mind now, even when he WANTS to forgive her. Maybe he was afraid she wouldn't even believe the swan story (so outlandish that even the idea of Jess "throwing a football with a buddy" seemed more believable to him). Maybe he was afraid she'd somehow use it against him in the future. I know I've hidden some pretty ridiculous and unimportant things about myself from my sister, because she has a history of ridiculing and bullying me, and I have a hard time trusting her not to weaponize any vulnerability against me. And once someone crosses that line with me, I can never quite forget it. I think Jess and I have that in common. So, later in the season, it's really not so surprising that Jess feels like he can't tell Rory about his failures at school, how his life is falling apart. He doesn't feel like he can trust that she'll give him any compassion or support. This incident will always make him fear what her response will be ("How could you DO this? How could you be so stupid?! I should have listened to everyone else when they told me what a loser you are! G-d, what was I THINKING, thinking you were worth ruining my life over?").

A "Swan Song" is a death cry. It comes from the legend that Mute Swans (called so because they're quieter than other swan species) can only give one last beautiful song as they're dying. It's the final nail in a coffin, even if it's a beautiful nail. And maybe their passionate kiss at the end of this episode is that for them. Because in the end, they cannot come back from what was broken here. This was the beginning of the End.

[zukkaoru]

shhh i’m not on my phone at work got a second wHAT

35:) ramble to me, babe

35. ramble about any fic-related thing you want

corey this is so vague i don't even know where to begin skjgdfhdj uhhhhh what do i want to ramble about,,

WAIT OKAY I GOT IT

okay so back in like. february i think i did another ask game like this and someone (jo?? maybe???) sent an ask about meta/foreshadowing/hidden references for this ultraviolet morning light and at the time, only the first two(?) chapters were out so i couldn't talk about the foreshadowing, bc it was all leading up to the end of chapter six. but i can talk about it now bc the whole fic is up!!

i'll put it under the cut bc i know it'll be long + spoilers for those who haven't yet read tuvml

fic writer ask game

okay so first. all of the foreshadowing for the drowning scene. maybe i did already have a list of these in my google docs in case anyone every asked, maybe not, i won't say

anyway. i added in water/drowning imagery with zuko specifically in this fic, because of the drowning scene, and especially bc in the atla world, water imagery would generally be used with characters from the water tribes rather than someone from the fire nation. so it wasn't just me liking water-related words and shoving them onto zuko for no reason; it was intentional

chapter one:

- He really can’t think of anything more beautiful than Zuko drenched in moonlight - This is what fire feels like when doused with water. - It burns like fire consuming Sokka’s entire body, like he’s been dunked underwater and the surface has frozen over and his lungs are about to give out, but he’s going to keep hitting the ice anyways like he’s strong enough to break it.

chapter two:

- It washes over his body all at once, like a wave pulling him under the surface of the ocean, until his limbs are numb and tingly and his head sways. He’s completely frozen in place, eyes staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything. - He would’ve rather stood across from Azula in the Agni Kai arena and let her shoot him full of lightning, rather been dropped in the middle of the ocean

chapter three:

- Zuko searches the tumultuous ocean that is his mind for the right words - Zuko was telling them about Azula never quite getting the knack for swimming despite their annual vacations to Ember Island when they were little, and Sokka was so happy.

chapter four:

So he lets the words sink, lets them drown in the knowledge that he no longer has the right to talk to Sokka in the same way he used to.

chapter five:

The moonlight pours over him, drowning him in a soft white glow.

chapter six:

But…my doctors have told me that spending the rest of your life letting yourself drown in guilt isn’t going to help anyone.

also, people picked up on vai being a double agent, but no one picked up on the fact that she was a waterbender, even though i did hint at that too:

- Her brown skin is almost as dark as Sokka’s and her face and arms are covered in freckles. - It reminds Sokka of himself a little; the bright blue eyes of a waterbender but no bending ability to speak of. - How can you get better than a play with dragons, a star-crossed love affair, sun and moon symbolism, and a villain who has a secret past that ties them to the protagonist?

beyond that, there are also a lot of parallels/call backs to previous chapters/foreshadowing to future scenes just in general. the funniest one (and also completely unintentional one) is probably sokka and katara calling each other their least favorite [sibling]

“You’re my least favorite sister,” // You are, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, my least favorite brother ever. chapter 1 // epilogue

but there are. several more. and i'm not sure how many of them people picked up on so i will add them all bc i love them <3

Zuko would get himself arrested, kidnapped, killed, whatever if it would keep Sokka safe. // “I would give my life for [Zuko] without a second thought.” … “But would he do the same for you?” chapter 4 // chapter 6

When Sokka’s hand began to retreat, Zuko had reached forward, grabbed it, and whispered, “Please stay.” // “Don’t leave me.” Sokka says it like a prayer … like he would repeat it until he couldn’t remember anything else if it meant Zuko would keep holding him. “Just… stay.” chapter 5 // chapter 7

So they sit - Sokka and Zuko - on the roof of some abandoned building in the outskirts of the city. // “But now I’m pretty sure we’re just destined to be Sokka and Zuko” chapter 5 // chapter 7

“I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this. … when he proves that he isn’t as reliable as you think - when he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down - I’m going to say I told you so.” // “Zuko is kind, and he is trustworthy and reliable. He’d never purposefully let me down” chapter 3 // chapter 6

this ^ was one i was hoping people would pick up on bc it makes the drowning scene/sokka pleading for vai to not hurt zuko that much angstier, but i'm not sure anyone did so now i'm putting those lines right next to each other so you're all forced to confront the pain <3

Is he still in love with Zuko? Is being in love enough? // But what good is any of that? Love isn’t always enough. // “It doesn’t matter who or where feels like home, it doesn’t matter if we’re in love. When you’re next in line for the throne, love isn’t enough.” chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 6

Zuko warms his other hand on instinct, and apparently it was a good call because Sokka squeezes it tighter and presses closer to Zuko. “I forgot my mittens at home,” // I love you doesn’t always take the shape of those three words. … Sometimes, it’s Have you eaten today? or Don’t forget your mittens again! chapter 1 // chapter 6

this ^ is also one i thought people might pick up on but idk if anyone did or not. but it made me🥺🥺 when i wrote it

[religion tw for the last part]

okay i could leave it there but corey gave me an excuse to ramble and i've made the post this long anyways so one more thing! i explained this to corey a while ago when we were having dinner together but i find it very funny so i'm sharing it with all of you i say like anyone has actually read this far

i accidentally made zuko a Christ Figure in tuvml

"but grace, surely that's not possible," you say. "surely there's no way zuko is a christ figure! there aren't any christian themes in tuvml. you didn't even have anyone try to convince vai to forgive zuko or have anyone convince zuko and sokka that they should forgive vai! how could you have a christ figure in your fic???"

let me set the scene. it's 2019, you're a senior in high school, and you decided to take ap literature for the possibility of college credit. your teacher has this book called how to read literature like a professor that he has his classes read chapters from, and one of those chapters talks about Christ Figures in literature. one of those chapters also talks about baptism symbolism, and mentions how oftentimes, characters who are christ figures will go through a baptism of some sort - being "born again" after a scene where they come out of the water

do you want to know what zuko does in this ultraviolet morning light?

he goes into the water. and then he comes back out.

and do you want to know what i had sokka say about zuko shortly before he took a dive into the baptistry water?

Zuko looks away from him, resigned, like he’s ready to die as atonement.

see. i grew up Christian, i went to church every sunday and i have spent the majority of my life memorizing Bible verses either for awana or bible quizzing and. sometimes i just drop biblical words into my writing sometimes bc they're words i've heard since i was a kid, and they're words i learned make you sound smarter at church. so of course i throw them around while writing. i use them in essays, i use them in poetry, and i use them in fan fiction.

so was i trying to make zuko a christ figure in my fic? absolutely not.

but i had sokka say he looked ready to die as atonement (for the sins of his people), and then i had him go into the water, nearly die, and have to be "brought back to life" by suki's cpr, being "born again" after a "baptism" and

well

accidental christ figure zuko i guess

anyway. this went on for a while and i'm not sure anyone bothered reading all of it which. valid.

thank you corey for letting me ramble skjdgfdjgh i'm not sure this is coherent, nor should it have all been in one post, but whatever