#Camilla Roeder

[psikonauti]

Camilla Roeder

Tidal ,2022

Graphite on paper

[geekynerfherder]

WOW x WOW presents 'Microvisions 6', the sixth annual group show of small artworks; featuring over 70 international artists and comprising of close to 100 unique pieces, with the maximum size of contributions being limited to 10" x 10".

Selected art by Camilla Roeder, Angelika Rasmus, Andi Soto, Sylvia Strijk, Sam Wolfe Connelly, Sharon England and Carolina Seth.

The online exhibition opens Friday May 5 at 7pm UK on the WOW x WOW website and will be on view until May 26.

[etherealduskycat]

School of fish A piece for mermay 2020 prompt list created by Camilla Roeder, as well as her tag #SonsOfCamilla. ------------ ArtStation || Instagram

[saccharinerabbit]

Prompt: Exoskeleton So. It looks like I’m actually doing Inktober. I wanted to try and be more consistent with making things to post. I’m doing it digitally because that’s how I usually make comics and I wanted to get more comfortable “inking” the pages, as well as getting less reliant on color to make pictures cool. I’m using the prompt list from Camilla Roeder for #sonsofcamilla

[saintclaires-blog]

warsaw, poland. 9:36 pm.

❙❙ ► i knew you were trouble, taylor swift. ❙❙ ► we won’t need you anymore, library tapes. ❙❙ ► the barren moon, lucy claire. ❙❙ ► haunted, taylor swift.

    the usual twenty-five minute drive to the city center took longer in the newly fallen snow. driving especially slowly, carefully, stan keeps his eyes trained firmly on the dark roads ahead. tapping his fingertips on the steering wheel, timing his breathing with the slow, gentle krystian zimerman tune from his radio. nobody should notice an hour’s absence from him. maybe longer. maybe shorter, maybe she’d slam the door on him and he’d just go home. every single scenario within the realm of possibility ran through his head. she probably wasn’t even there, why would she be here; why shouldn’t she be in london with charles, sipping roederer's cristal and discussing the works of thucydides in their library— his name and face far, far away from her thoughts? he knew he'd find an empty apartment, and he'd feel stupid, grab a coffee and head home. he'd make an excuse for his brief absence, one he hadn’t thought of yet. he was wholly unsure how grace would respond if he casually mentioned he’d popped out to see camilla; grace didn’t seem as though she’d altogether processed their situation yet, and had been treating him with a cool indifference that was beginning to bother him. he was hesitant to make a point of it, in fear of making things worse and further worrying her; things were already so foreign for grace. his mother’s aquiline, watchful gaze was perpetually set on her. the language was complex and unfathomable. his younger siblings were making incredible nuisances of themselves. throwing camilla further into the mix was an ill-considered plan on his part; despite having her begrudging blessing, which stan did not particularly think she was sincere about, he knew it was a precarious subject for grace still. for stan, however, camilla lingered about his mind every single day; regret clawed at his insides, it brought about a pain that knocked him breathless— astonishing him with its sheer force. he wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep for years and years. then wake up having forgotten her name and her face; letting every minute detail about her wash away in the blood-warm waters of sleep. it was sad and cruel to think of it in this way, to want to erase her completely when it was just that which got him into his mess in the first place, but stan could not see any foreseeable way he’d be able to cope with anything with her presence lingering about somewhere. 

     standing on camilla’s landing, hands stuffed into his coat pockets, stan considered what he wanted to gain from his visit. not closure, for sure, camilla’s contempt was still as sharp as broken glass and sure to stay as such for a very long while. he forces himself to knock a steady three times. he hears her soft, courteous “come in” from the other side. camilla’s warsaw apartment was unusually small, contrasting against her extensively exorbitant places of residence back in london. it was still in one of the most expensive apartment buildings in the city; its opulence making up for any lack of size. he opens the door with an incredibly nervous caution, peering in. she’s seated at a table surrounded by books and papers, a work lamp lighting her work. she peeks over the top of her wire-framed glasses, her expression betraying no hint of emotion at his sudden visit; he receives a curt and unenthusiastic invitation to enter. stan's throat tightens. the room is cold and scarcely lit. he bites on his lower lip and steps into the apartment, taking a seat at the table across from camilla as she coolly observes his awkward movements.

     “in the neighbourhood, were you?” she raises an ornate teacup to her lips. the apartment’s scent and her lightly accented voice are so overwhelmingly familiar to stan he begins to feel lightheaded; he could say with certainty what candle she used to get the apartment’s delicate apple blossom smell, what tea blend she was most likely sipping at, and that the pinkish red lipstick she wore was her favorite chanel rouge coco shine, in the shade bohème. her aloof sarcasm passes him by. “n-no, not really. i didn’t know if you’d be here or not. i’ve been meaning to visit. for a very long time. i just wasn’t sure— if, you’d want to. you know... especially with everything that’s happening with grace’s pregnancy and the marriage, and, well... it’s eating at me.” he stumbles over his words which feel thick and insincere in his mouth. he nervously tugs at a loose thread on his sleeve, and realises he’s been holding his breath.  “and so i should expect.” camilla replies with the tiniest flash of a smile, placing her teacup down on its saucer and looking stan squarely in his eyes. her eyes were cold, pretty, vicious, expectant— making stan sweat like a scorching sun. he was unsure how to continue. “what are you doing?” he asks in a thin tone after an uncomfortable pause, looking at her papers and the stack of old, dog-eared books beside her.  “some translation work for the classics department at the university. not a lot of people know polish and ancient greek, evidently— and you get a more accurate translation directly from the texts, as opposed to translating it to polish from an english translation. i’m not in warsaw for you or grace, if that’s what you’ve thought.” she takes off her glasses and sets them down beside her.  “no, no. i was just curious. that’s cool, though. is it hard work? i could never wrap my head around such a complex language. i tried latin in high school, but that didn’t go so well...” stan rambles, shrugging one shoulder and itching his chin. not wanting to dance around the reason of his visit, but not wanting to approach it either.  “why are you here, stanisław?” camilla examines him down the bridge of her nose, strawberry lips pursed, a delicate frown on her features. he’s unused to this kind of reception. a pointed and frosty glare, defensive and hiding her overwhelming bitterness under refined, pretty packaging. this is a different person. one that morphed and grew from the mess stan made of the original, growing the best it can in its circumstances. it let loose a dizzying array of emotions in him. it inflamed the painful remorse sitting in his chest.  “i want to talk. i want to be realistic about this. grace still wants you in our lives. i mean, i do as well, of course... i’ve known you for a very long time. we don’t... just want you to disappear again. it was painful for both of us.” stan places his hands on the table, white from the chilly temperature. “we? us? oh, god.” she tilts her head back, wincing. “oh god, gross.” camilla shifts in her chair uncomfortably. stan watches as her golden curls fall over her shoulders with her movements, catching on the white collar peeking out over her sweater neckline. a frown replaces the look of anxiety plastered across his face. “can we be adults about this? please?”  “sure! okay,” her gaze falls back on him. “let’s be adults.” her newly adopted expression of amusement unnerves him further. “let’s get this all out on the table, so that we’re clear, okay?” “camilla...” “no, okay, so— like the mature adult you very clearly are, stanisław, you try to murder me. you go on a crack binge, off the medication that keeps you mostly sane, you down some vodka, then you try to murder me. you drag me out of the bathroom where i am hiding because i am afraid of you when you’re high, by my hair, and you pour half a bottle of bleach down my throat. i don’t die instantaneously. i don’t really fucking know what you were hoping for. in any case, i’m dying too slow, and you’re getting worried, right? because you’re so intelligent, you decide to make it look like i’ve killed myself. i take it i had passed out from the pain by then— because, do you actually have any idea how painful it was? it’s like, someone lit my insides on fire. so forgive me if my details are hazy here. you fill a bathtub with water, you put me in it, you take a razor and you cut both my wrists. then you bail, or something— and let grace find me. you let grace find me. i am so very terribly lucky she came home so soon after you bailed in panic, because she saved my life by doing so. you leave everyone to believe i’ve tried to commit suicide. when i wake up, i make this weird decision to corroborate your story. because i am a mature adult, and i didn’t want you to get thrown in prison and create a worldwide scandal. i go home. grace stays with you. she stays with the schizo crackhead to tried to murder her best friend and make it look like suicide. you proceed to impregnate her. you proceed to propose to her, because you impregnated her. you proceed to come to my home in london, sit across from me, and ask me for my blessing. you tell me you don’t want to have me disappear from your life, and that you’d like to talk things out with me. you basically tell me, oh, we won’t need you anymore. then you backtrack. this is all correct, yes?” 

     stan buries his head in his hands halfway through her recount of events. the pressure builds in his head to an unbearable level. her plain explanation cut straight through him like a knife coated in acid; taking his breath, leaving the wound he’d endeavoured to patch up over the months exposed and raw. his shoulders slump. running one hand through his artless mess of silver hair, he looks up with dewy eyes— she is composed, sipping her tea, putting her round spectacles back on her face, ordering her pile of papers. “this is correct,” his gaze rests on the beautiful and indecipherable ancient greek script in the notebook in front of her, for somewhere to look at that isn’t her eyes. “and you can’t begin to imagine, how i felt when... no, no. i’m not making excuses for myself here. i blame myself, and—” “well, i should damn well hope so.” “and, i regret... every single day... fuck. camilla, it’s the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing i think about when i fall asleep. i can’t remember the last day i got through without crying, i am constantly sick with worry that i am going to pass this bullshit onto my child, that they’ll have what i have, and i can’t fucking stand it. i can’t deal with constant guilt. all the time. i can’t live with it. i can’t raise a child beside grace with this.” he feels his hands begin to tremble. his arms, his legs, all of him. “that’s a damn fucking shame, stanisław. i didn’t think i could live with seeing my arms lined with ugly scars i didn’t put there, forever. i used to wish that you’d done this one thing in your life properly, made me drink the whole bottle, cut a little deeper. maybe now i’d be sitting up there with dionysus, drinking wine and revelling in a spectacular bacchanal, not still here having to deal with your remorse. i sincerely hope you are suffering as i did. it’d please me very much, and i don’t feel bad about that. i also hope you know you are a bad person, stanisław. blame it on the drugs or the mental illness, but i know you have a terrible coldness within you that exists independently of those things. i saw it in your eyes and on your lips whenever you took pleasure in smacking me or feeling me resist underneath you whenever you wanted to get yourself off, i know it’s real. please don’t think me a tragedian here, i am trying to move on as well. but for now, i don’t give a fuck. you really did it this time, stanisław. maybe time will eventually erase your guilt, maybe not.” stan feels dangerously lightheaded. swaying slightly back and forth, his mouth hangs open a fraction while his rivulets of tears begin to stream down his face.  “you, y-you are heartless. there’s a... child involved now, camilla.” “and if you’re truly remorseful, you won’t let any of this touch your child. it doesn’t need to. you’re not going to magically become a good father if i forgive you.” “surely, it’d fucking help!”  “don’t you raise your voice at me, stanisław. never again.” camilla holds up a scholarly finger. “ever. just please make an effort to be a good father, and pray like hell your child never runs into a man like you,” tucking a golden lock of hair behind her ear, camilla clears her throat and rubs the lipstick smear from the rim of her teacup. “and fuck off. charles is going to be here tonight. you don’t want him to catch your ass around here.”  “fuck, camilla. fuck. you didn’t tell charles, did you?”  “do you honestly think charles would believe i tried to kill myself?” camilla raises a perfectly curved eyebrow, posing the question to stan with seriousness.  “no, fine, whatever,” stan rises from his seat with an awkward stumble, steadying himself on the oak table. he stuffs his hands back into his pockets. “i’m really fucking sorry for coming. i didn’t think any of this through at all. i didn’t mean for you to pull everything back up. i mean— yeah, okay. i’m going. grace misses you, and she wants to see you again. she’s not dealing with things so well. please come by and visit her some time soon.” he mumbles as he heads toward the door, his vision growing blurry and uneven. the pressure in his head still mounting. building. he wanted to scream until his lungs gave out.  “i may just do so. take care, stanisław.” camilla murmurs dismissively, turning her attention back down to her translation work.  

     stan stands in the hallway shaking.      camilla hurls her books across the room. 

[ra9zine]

Our next Artist Interview is for Camilla Roeder!

What are the links to your social media so people can find you! https://www.instagram.com/camillaroeder/ https://twitter.com/camillaroeder (I don't use this one often right now, but might in the future.)

What first inspired you to draw? When we were kids, my old best friend and I were huge Harry Potter fans and also watched a lot of anime like One Piece. We really wanted to create our own worlds and adventures, so we picked up drawing and writing as a hobby.

What programs do you use to to draw? I used to draw in Photoshop CS6 (best photoshop fight me!) but since I moved to traditional art this year, I work mainly with mechanical pencils and Fine Grain Paper from Daler & Rowney.

How long have you been drawing for? I used to have a very on- and off relationship with art. I started drawing at around 10 years old but stopped in my teens to early twenties. I really only picked it up again just one year ago and am so happy I did! I have this inner motivation to connect with other people and art is one of the best ways for me to do so!

Are there any particular artists that have inspired you over the years? Yes definitely. I find it helpful to have a couple of set role models, especially in the era of social media. The two artists who have inspired me throughout the years are Marco Mazzoni and Kyle J. Thompson. Nowadays I also admire the pencil work of Theodora Capat and some peers. The list could go on forever really.

Did you go to school for art or are you self taught? Would you recommend a formal education? I am 100% self taught but I always wanted to go to art school. The price tags usually turned me away. I believe that you can be a successful artist by learning through the internet. If I can, I would like to enroll at SARA for a year to practice realist art more. I think I would learn faster with a mentor.

Do you do Commissions? Are they open? do you have a link to your commission page? I don’t do commissions but I sell limited edition prints! You can find my shop at camillaroeder.bigcartel.com/ If you REALLY want a commission though, you can still try and send me a DM on instagram or e-mail at camillaroeder@outlook.com . Sometimes I have the time to do them.

Do you have a website? (Patreon? Etsy? Webtoons? Youtube? Artstation? BigCartel? Tictail? etc?) For now I am mainly on instagram but I hope I can do tutorials on Youtube in the future.

Do you sell merch or prints anywhere? camillaroeder.bigcartel.com/

Do you have a webcomic? whats the link to your webcomic? how did you get started? Any tips for future webcomic artists? I don’t but I want to write a short novel. If anyone is really good at plotting, please get in touch with me! It’s gonna be a psychological mystery drama. I already have the character dynamics down with which the story is driven by but I still need to come up with an overarching plot...

Do you have recommendations for networking? Don’t be shy and don’t take things too personal. I usually just write my favs. If they don’t reply or see my messages that’s a bummer but most often they actually do reply and are happy to talk to you. Just interact with them at eye level and keep it cool, even if you are screaming on the inside.

Do you have any final inspirational words or tips for your followers? Remember that art is a lifelong pursuit. We all have bad days, weeks or months. You don’t need to beat yourself up about it if you don’t feel creative for a while or other things in your life are more important. Go outside and experience life. Art will come back to you eventually. We all have to find our own healthy pace for drawing and stay persistent if we want to succeed. In five years you won’t look back and think „Oh man those three weeks I didn’t draw really ruined the rest of my art career...“ So enjoy yourself!

[geekynerfherder]

WOW x WOW presents 'Imaginators-a-Go-Go', an online group art exhibition featuring over 60 international artists.

The online exhibition opens Friday August 5 at 7pm UK on the WOW x WOW website and will be on view until August 26 2022.

[etherealduskycat]

The Lighthouse A piece for mermay 2020 prompt list created by Camilla Roeder, as well as her tag #SonsOfCamilla. -------------------------------- ArtStation || Instagram

[etherealduskycat]

Seaspun A piece for mermay 2020 prompt list created by Camilla Roeder, as well as her tag #SonsOfCamilla. ------------------------------ ArtStation || Instagram