#Context: last weekend we went to the mall and- not realizing how late it was- had planned on going to Emerald City to look at comics

[billygoat26]

Just waiting to see if my mom breaks another promise :D

[queerlyglittering]

LETTER BOY UPDATE

ok! This is long overdue lmao. but until the other day I was feeling a bit mopey and sad and also just generally tired and didn’t wanna talk about it BUT THEN  E X T R E M E L Y  LONG POST AHEAD

so lemme see where I last left off re: Letter Boy.... ok so like, to recap: there for a while we’d barely been talking. He didn’t have time to write to me most of the time, and then half the time when we did write to each other our letters kept getting lost in the mail, etc etc. I know I’d been like pretty obsessive over the whole letter-writing thing for a while so I thought I’d been pushing him away and like at one point I wrote him a goodbye letter? Like I was really out here like “I’m so sorry for bothering you so much, I’ll leave you alone now” like what sort of passive-aggressive bitchy monster lmao. And then eventually I was like nah fuck that, that’s not ok and I’m not leaving things like that, so I wrote him an apology and we kinda got back to talking a bit. And then he finally wrote me back! And his letter was deeply personal and emotional and I cried! He came out as ace! He told me he loved me! The absolute drama of it all! (Which it turns out, at that point he didn’t mean it in terms of like, romantic love, just like... he really cared about me as a person and was glad that he felt comfortable to write about his experiences re: being ace to me and it was sort of cathartic. BUT THEN!) So I wrote back almost immediately, telling him that I loved him too and that he was valid and shit lmao. That was all back in late May/early June I think... tbh I don’t remember what happened over the summer, lemme go back and reread our messages? b/c I know neither of us has physically written to the other since then.  Ok so we messaged a bit about potentially meeting up at a Pride festival, either there in Houston or up in Dallas, but the timing just generally didn’t work out in our favor for either event, so we wound up not going. And then we kinda sporadically messaged each other here and there, usually when he was stressed with school or I was stressed with work, etc, but we barely talked off and on for a couple months. Then I started my current job, and my sleep cycle got outta whack for a few weeks, and that’s when things started to get interesting again lmao

ok so sometime near the end of August, he had like a minor depressive episode or something in the middle of the night and messaged me at like 4 am saying he felt “gross and sad” and I slept through that because it was Saturday but I wound up waking up at like 6:30 out of habit from getting up for work, and I ended up calling him and we talked for a while and I vented about some stuff in my life too and then we both went back to sleep lmao. And after that things got a little more active in terms of communication; like y’all know me, I’m a Needy Bitch, so of course I wound up messaging him like once every couple days or so whenever I started to miss him and needed Attention. Like it kinda started with a tarot reading I got, just a standard past/present/future 3-card reading, but she pulled the Lovers for my present, so I mean.... and basically she said something about there being a person in my life whom I had feelings for, and who reciprocated those feelings, but there was a communications disconnect, and the relationship was getting to a point where it could begin to go stale, and that we shouldn’t block ourselves off from progress. After that reading I reached out and messaged him again, and we ended up literally speaking every day for a week. Like I think I’d made a post about that on here about not messaging him for the 8th day in a row and thought I was exaggerating but then I went back and counted and IT ACTUALLY WAS THE 8TH DAY, WOW AUDREY, YOU’RE OFFICIALLY ANNOYING. So I tried to get better about leaving him alone lmao but I started messaging him a bunch of stuff about my singing, because my old community had a brief resurgence in September. and he said he wanted to sing something with me someday and I’m 🥰🥰

So then at one point I had mentioned coming down to Houston for the weekend of the SFA/Sam Houston State game (which was last weekend, 10/5-6) with my friend, and ditching the game to hang out with him instead. I kinda let the subject drop for a couple weeks because at that point it was almost a month out and I wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna be able to go so I didn’t want to get both our hopes up. But then work started being really shitty and dicking me around about my schedule change that was supposed to have happened once I got out of training, and my home life wasn’t gr8 either, so I kinda latched onto that weekend trip as like a bright spot, or something to hope for. Something to keep me going. And he’d basically forgotten about it, which is fine, except I wound up springing it back on him at the last minute lmao. But then my friend who I was supposed to go with (because I can’t drive so she was gonna drive us down there) was like ‘nah I’m not going to the game, I have no money for tickets.’ So I was like well shit, there goes my happy thing. And I talked to her about it and basically begged her to just go down to Houston for the weekend anyway, I’d get us a hotel and everything, because I needed this. So she was like ‘alright, look at hotels.’ But then HER friend got very sick, like in-the-hospital having-mysterious-seizures sick, and she went to go stay with her in the hospital for a few days because the girl’s husband was being a dick about it (it turned out to just be an infection from a contact lens that got stuck in her eye and like melted??? idk. but it was BAD AND SCARY). But that was like Wednesday-Friday of the week we were supposed to go to Houston on that weekend and I wasn’t sure she’d be up to going. So I asked last minute if she still wanted to go or if I should cancel the hotel (not realizing that it was too late to cancel it anyway lmao RIP) and she said ‘ok sure but I wanna bring my kid, since I’ve been away from her for 3 whole days.’ I was like that’s fine, I already thought you were gonna bring her lol. So we wound up going down there on Saturday but we left a bit later than we’d meant to, and by the time we got to town, Letter Boy was already at work. So I missed him that day. The three of us (me, friend & kiddo) wound up swimming in the hotel pool and then ordering Chinese takeout for dinner so that was pretty fun. 

Then the next day, Sunday! Letter Boy called as we were checking out of the hotel to try and figure out what the plan was, where we could meet up, etc. We decided to meet at the mall nearby, since it was an easy landmark for all parties, and we could find each other pretty easily there. He took me (and my friend and her kid, though apparently that wasn’t the plan, and he would’ve preferred to spend time with just me; she even gave me the option to not have the two of them meet us at the restaurant and I decided not to take it because i was a nervous anxious coward lmao) out to lunch at this Korean place in town, where he loves to eat. We played a few rounds of a card game and talked and ate and it was great fun. Then he had to bail and go to work, and we had an interesting goodbye because I’d been out here trying to respect his personal space and all because from what he’d said in his coming-out letter, it sounded very much like he was touch-averse - but then he hugged me goodbye? and kept coming back for more hugs?! like “one more? ok just one more? and one more?” like nonstop for a good five minutes lmao. I was a bit confused but I loved it (my primary love language is physical touch; hugs are my kryptonite. And he gives AMAZING hugs. like I may have even actually dreamed about his hugs before I ever got to experience one, but that’s whole other post lol). Anyway so after that my friend and I went to hang out at her brother’s in-laws’ place because they lived in the area lol. Letter Boy had asked me to message him once I got there, so I did. I told him I wished I could’ve spent more time with him one-on-one, and he said “well if you’re still in town maybe you can sneak away when I get my break later” So I basically said hell yes, just tell me where to meet you, lol. We wound up meeting up at Starbucks and getting coffee and continuing to talk and hang out for the half hour of his break, and he really didn’t want to leave when it was time for him to go. Like he actually contemplated kidnapping me and bringing me to work with him lmao. If my ride hadn’t already been on her way, I would’ve gone with him in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to leave either. And he told me he loved me again!  🥰🥰🥰 It was sappy and sweet and just aghhhh <3

So that was a week ago today! And there’s been some interesting developments since then too. Starting off with that Sunday night when I got home, I’d had too much coffee (starbucks messed up my order and had to remake it so I ended up drinking both lmao, big mistake). So I was over-caffeinated and v emotional and couldn’t sleep so I started writing out all my anxious confused feelings in letter form, and wound up just linking Letter Boy to the Google Doc I’d been writing in. This was at almost 2 AM. Apparently I woke him up and he read it and replied to me over messenger and basically we talked about how like. when he first said he loved me in the letter, he didn’t necessarily mean it in a romantic context but it was definitely more than just platonic and he wasn’t sure how to quantify that. But now that we’d met in person, and got to spend some actual time together, he felt a little differently and that he was “not 100% sure but WAAAY more than 50% sure” that he loved me romantically, because partially because he’s ace, he’s just kinda unsure about romantic relationships in general and he’s reluctant to commit to them because the sex thing always becomes an issue. I reassured him that I completely understand and respect his orientation and would never ask him to change that aspect of himself or do anything that would make him uncomfortable, and he seemed immensely relieved. At this point I’m honestly not even sure how much of his feelings are genuinely for/about me, and how much of them are just some sort of general euphoria at having someone basically validate his orientation and his existence, because he’d spent so long being mocked and tormented by friends and lovers alike, and basically just feeling broken and worthless. And I completely understand that reaction. I’m not even sure I care if that’s all this is, if it comes down to it; I’m happy to be here to love and support him and make sure he never feels less than whole and valid again, no matter my context in his life. I just want him to be happy. I’d love to be the one who makes him happy, but if ultimately that is not my part in his life, then so be it. I’m at peace with it.

Anyway so that was Sunday night, we talked a little bit on Monday and Tuesday and then like,, nothing at all for a few days? And so of course my immediate instinct is that I came on too strong and pushed him away, just because he doesn’t want to talk to me every day?? so I got all mopey and sad and weird, because I thought I’d scared him off and lost him and idk. Also I was in a funk b/c my hormones are being wacky this week; I don’t really get periods per se with my IUD, but sometimes I’ll get phantom cramps and/or mood swings, etc. but this past week i’ve been spotting and cramping AND moody af, so that’s been fun. So I’d been all weird and sad and shit, and thinking he didn’t want to talk to me = he didn’t want me, and I was so paranoid and afraid because I still think this whole thing is too good to be true and I can’t trust it. I know it’s silly and far too early to be serious and it’ll never last and probably won’t end well. I know that it’s fun and easy and idealistic and won’t stand up to reality or practicality, when it eventually has to face them. So I’ve been bracing myself for that ending ever since it began. And I know three days isn’t very long, but after having a whole conversation about how we love each other, and how we love each other, it felt like an eternity. BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!

So ok, we did talk briefly on Friday, in passing. but it was a very short little conversation; the only major thing to come out of it was a further confirmation that yes, he’s serious about coming up here to see me. BUT THEN Saturday night (10/12), he got home from seeing Eric Andre perform live, and he was hanging out with his sister and drinking and generally being a goof, and he messaged me! UPDATE: It’s now sunday 10/20 and I’m still writing this. idk it’s been a lot, everything else in my life has been rough lately, idk. im not feeling as positively about this as i was before, but i’ll keep writing the update. I’ve written too much

SO! Anyway. he came home from the comedy show thing, and he was hanging out with his sister watching some Japanese reality show and drinking, and he messaged me out of the blue. Funny thing I’ve noticed is that he doesn’t generally reach out to me first and he’s not too expressive generally but whenever he’s intoxicated in some way, be it alcohol or pot or even benadryl, he gets really effusively, gushily mushy and sweet. So on this occasion he was drunk, or at least tipsy, and that means he was being extra affectionate and dumb lmao. He started out telling me about his night and then hit me with the “I wish you were heeeerrrrreeeeeeee” lol. And he said something about how one day when he graduates, we should get a place together, where we can “be non-binary and own our dreams” (the second time he’s mentioned possibly being nonbinary to me - or possibly third time, he said something in passing about being confused about gender roles, in a context that implied ‘in relation to himself.’ meanwhile I haven’t actually said anything at all to him about me being nonbinary, he just kinda assumed b/c i have a rly butch-y looking haircut rn lmao. but like.. he ain’t wrong tho 😂 so that’s a conversation that we need to actually have sometime.) He was like “it’s sorta romantic that you live up there and I live down here and we’re so far apart and we have to just kinda pine after each other basically” and i was like oh good, I’m not the only one pining lmao. But then he asked me to come with him when he moves to Japan to teach English there, sometime after he finishes his degree. Which like, I wish I could go with him, and I know that if we’re still talking at that point/especially if we actually get together, it’s gonna be hard to be that far away from him and I’m gonna miss him. But it’s just eminently not practical. I don’t have any college degree and I don’t speak a lick of Japanese, there’s no way I can teach English with him; and there aren’t many other jobs there for Americans. And he won’t be making enough to support both of us on a teacher’s salary, i know that much. So that’s where I start to get a bit disillusioned. Like I know it was just a drunk suggestion out of a desperation to not be apart anymore, and despite the fact that a drunk mouth often speaks sober thoughts, I know better than to assume that either of those offers to live together were any kind of a promise, and I have no intention to hold him to either of them. But in the moment I very much got my hopes up and I let myself get really excited and I regret that now lmao because like I knew even then that it wasn’t real. and now i’m just sorta disappointed because I’ve had to confront the fact that he’s very much a daydreamer and I, for all my delusional fantasizing, am at heart more practical than that. I don’t like to hope for things that I know can’t happen, because it’s just setting myself up for future devastation. And he just wants to hope and wish for everything, and maybe some of it will come true and maybe some of it won’t, and he just sort of seems unbothered by either outcome. For all my hopeless romanticism and my overemotional nature, I can’t bring myself to do that, to hope without expectation. I don’t know how. it’s so antithetical to my understanding of the world. And it just serves to highlight another of the many ways in which we are almost complete opposites - which isn’t a bad thing! but it can make some things harder. like handling distance, or hoping for the future, or just communication in general.

but anyway! back to drunken happiness lmao. he started saying really sappy shit like how he wants to be there for me when I’m feeling down, and he wants to have big dumb fights with me just so he can make it up to me with a big grand gesture like flowers or edible arrangements or something. and then he wrote me a drunken limerick and it was actually surprisingly good and really cute lmao. and he said he wanted to cuddle me. and then we got into a mini-fight over which one of us was cuter lmao. and he called me queen and said that he just wants to like. make me food and take care of me and stuff lol. and that he doesn’t even HAVE a type but somehow I am exactly his type? which is still fucking me up, that’s the sweetest shit i’ve ever heard. (because i know what he means, he’s dated around quite a bit with different types and genders of people and stuff because he didn’t really know how to handle his asexuality and of course the myth is that you just haven’t found the right person yet, so he just kept trying and feeling broken and then here I am, the first person he’s found to be accepting and understanding of that part of him, and still want him and care for him and be all lovey-dovey and shit with him, and he just wants me to be happy in return.) meanwhile I of course have several types, including different types for girls and guys etc, but he’s hitting all my boxes - tall, handsome in a kind of adorkable way, smart, funny, sarcastic, sweet, patient, sensitive, similar tastes in media and similar political alignments, queer. plus he’s just cute as fuck. like out of my league cute lmao but again, that’s exactly my type OTL so like I told him that, and that I just wanna like. hold him and be with him and help him be successful in whatever he wants in life. and he freaked out and was like ugh you should just come here rn i’ll hide you under my bed if i have to and i was like i wish i could :( and he was like THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AUDREY COME HERE and i was like OK IM LEAVING ON FOOT SEE U IN 3 DAYS and it was funny. and we flung a bunch of heart emojis at each other. and then he made a passing reference to his mood swings and i kinda ended up ignoring it because i sent a message at the same time but in my head i was like boy have you even MET me, 1. the swings have always been my favorite piece of playground equipment, 2. i’ve got mood swings down to a fine art, and 3. i’m more worried about whether you can handle mine. i’m pretty sure i can take yours in stride lmao. and then there was more talk of cuddling, and HE STARTED HEART REACTING ALL MY MESSAGES and i’m just like WTF STOP IT THAT IS THE CUTEST SHIT <3333 and then he sent me a dollar by accident? and I sent him the “i love you bitch, i ain’t never gonna stop loving you bitch” vine lmao

and apparently this whole time he was still sitting around with his sister? lmao because he said she told him she approved of me after i sent that vine 😂 and she apparently likes my hair! which is good lol (reminder I need to post some pics of it on here, I posted selfies to fb but i don’t think i’ve posted on here yet). his sister is also bi lmao and seems cool in general (and also from what i’ve seen creeping her fb, she’s REALLY GORGEOUS, like it runs in the family, these fuckers should be models, it’s ridiculous really) so having her approval is v nice. like at least one member of his family approves of me! now to work on the rest 😂😂 and then he was talking about he was gonna get high also (despite being already drunk) and i was joking with him about bogarting the weed and he was like “when we live together I’ll share my weed with you” lmao but he said it with such certainty, like it was just a given. not an if, but a when. which threw me for enough of a loop. But then he started in on this fantasy scenario where like it’s late at night and we can’t sleep so he makes me sushi by hand, and we feed each other with our chopsticks (he was impressed that I already knew how to use them lmao) and we sit on the couch arm in arm watching reruns of cheers and laughing way too loudly and fall asleep in each other’s arms as the sun comes up outside but we don’t have anything to do the next day so it’s ok. and it was the sweetest most romantic shit I’ve literally ever heard in my LIFE, like it sounds like actual heaven and i was crying happy tears at this point lmao. just 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 like in that moment i felt so fucking loved i couldn’t even speak and y’all know i’m never speechless, i literally can’t fucking shut up most of the time lmao. and like at that point his phone was dying so he went to plug it in and go to bed and I did the same because it was like 2:30 in the morning but i was just giddy with affection and couldn’t sleep. 

anyway so the next day (sunday) i had a party thing to go to that was really fun but i’m socially awkward so i texted him a lot as a crutch. and then the next day (monday) he had given me “permission to bug the crap out of him” so i messaged him a lot throughout my work day because it was an unusually crappy day anyway. and the day after that (tuesday) we messaged about the democratic debates and stuff. and then i kinda tried to give him some space, because i felt like i was smothering him, and i made it all the way to friday evening before i caved in and messaged him again. like i don’t wanna bother him by messaging him every day, i know he’s busy. whenever he doesn’t actively have class, he’s got homework or he’s working (which usually means he’s driving and can’t talk). but i’m like so addicted to the affection i get from him, it’s bad. my anxiety just keeps building and getting worse if i try to avoid messaging him and I don’t make it very far before i end up giving in and messaging him for a hit of that good ol’ dopamine. so we ended up catching each other up on the events of the latter part of our week, and talking about sushi preferences. and he apparently has never had eel?? like that was probably the 2nd or 3rd thing i tried lmao 😂 but then to be fair I had a boyfriend at the time who was very interested in making sure i tried new things, and who had been stationed briefly in japan so he knew a lot about sushi and wanted to show off. anyway Letter Boy is like me, he prefers salmon by a wide margin. and we talked about how he’d tried squid and did not enjoy it, and that turned into a mini battle to see who could post the weirdest squid-themed gif lmao. and then i sent him the playlist but he still hasn’t listened to it yet I don’t think. but he also wants me to write him a poem lmao so that’s something i should start working on i guess. but idk i’m not feeling it rn but that’s not his fault. 

and then today happened and i had another incident with my mother and her narcissistic bullshit and i was feeling like shit so i reached out to my best friend to kinda get some validation that i’m not actually the narcissistic one (which felt shitty and manipulative, like if i have to ask i’m probably at least a LITTLE narcissistic. but then again if i actually was narcissistic i guess i wouldn’t even have that doubt? like i would just be certain that i wasn’t and not second-guess it because i wouldn’t care? and like making their victims believe that THEY are the narcissistic ones and the abuser isn’t, is a classic hallmark of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse? but i still felt like shit about it idk). And I also reached out to Letter Boy because while I love my best friend more than words can say, like she’s my sister-from-another-mother, Letter Boy has kind of become my comfort person. like i always used to write letters to him whenever I was going through a rough spot, as a distraction. and usually I’ll message him whenever I’m starting to feel anxious or sad, but lately it’s gotten to where I’ll start to feel anxious and sad whenever I don’t message him regularly. like i’ve said, it’s getting bad and i’m worried about it. like that’s not a good sign of a healthy relationship. and it’s nice to have some positivity in my life, especially given all the negative shit i’m constantly surrounded by. but that doesn’t mean this relationship is healthy or good for either of us. so that’s yet another thing on my list of shit that’s making me anxious lol. but anyway he tried to be supportive when i told him about what i’m dealing with in re: my mother, and encouraged me to get out, but he just seemed kinda generally lost. like he didn’t know how to deal with it. and if that’s because he’s been fortunate enough that in his life, that kind of behaviour is not something he’s experienced, then I’m happy for him. but he said some stuff about not really believing in labels, but specifically in regards to mental health issues? which like. that’s all fine and good in terms of gender and sexuality, but with mental health, that’s a medical issue. you kind of have to have names for things in that context so that you can treat them. and i get that he was kinda trying to be encouraging to me, to not let my mother make me think of myself as a narcissist, and to not feel so shitty about myself in terms of like my depression and anxiety and stuff. but it just felt like it was sort of coming from a place of very neurotypical privilege and misunderstanding, and it was sort of unintentionally invalidating. and then he brought up the idea of us living together again, once he graduates, but he said it in a slightly more realistic way which i should have been happier with but that only wound up disappointing me. he said “maybe when i graduate we can get a place...” instead of like his certainty from earlier. and i said i wish, and he said that he wishes too and we should both hope for it and maybe it’ll happen. and i’m just like... hope is a dangerous thing for my emotional health, i don’t want to hope for something that isn’t going to happen. and he basically said that i need to learn to hope without expectation, and set small goals as baby steps toward that bigger dream, and i’m just like. i don’t understand but thank you lmao. and that’s where we left off this evening. and i’ve been crying, about shit with my mom and my life in general and worrying about all this bullshit with letter boy and how like a week ago we were blissfully happy with each other and now things are feeling increasingly less certain and i have this burning feeling in the back of my mind that he’s not gonna actually show up for the Syrup Festival in 3 weeks - which again, i’ve pinned all my hopes to, it’s the light at the end of my newest tunnel. and i’m so nervous because i want to show him everything and let him get a feel for where i live (and why i feel trapped here lmao) and yet at the same time i don’t know how to handle it because i don’t think he’ll feel the same way about it as i do. and i’m still not sure he’ll even come. because despite him telling me repeatedly that he wants to come, i can’t help but feel that either something will come between us within that time, or he’ll just end up having to work, or something, and he won’t actually come. i’m so terrified he won’t want to come. I’m terrified i’m pushing him away. because this whole thing, ever since we started writing letters, has felt mostly one-sided, like i’m out here sharing everything with him and flinging my love and attention at him, and getting scraps in return, just enough to keep me coming back for more. and i don’t know if he’s stringing me along or if he’s serious. he is a bit flighty. I don’t want him to fly away. but i don’t want to hold him down, either.

i don’t know.

[downtomyunderoos]

animal cracker theater

// akihiko sanada (downtomyunderoos) & kanji tatsumi (needlepunk)

1. Kanji --

His face was red and sore from crying so much. It was stupid, but Kanji couldn’t help himself over it. How could Yosuke have done that to him without thinking? Now here the emperor was, without what he wanted most of all, and looking like an idiot in the middle of the JUNE’s food court.

2. Akihiko --

This was concerning. Not to mention embarrassing, as he tried to calm Tatsumi down before making a scene. Judging from the looks they received when Akihiko glimpsed around his surroundings mid-console, it was too late. He at least hoped nobody thought he was the cause.

“Hey. Hey..?” Akihiko whispered close to his sopping face, expecting the other to follow poise. Hands gripped his shoulders to sooth and to snap Kanji to reality. They were at Junes for chrissake. “What’s going on, huh? What happened?”

3. Kanji --

He knew how stupid he looked to everyone staring at him. At least he had Akihiko here to keep him company. Kanji dried his eyes and tried to calm down. “S-sorry man. I-it’s somethin’ really dumb. Let’s jus’ git goin’ alright?”

4. Akihiko --

He supposed he could let this go… Yeah, no way. Akihiko couldn’t allow himself to brush off a friend merely because they felt ashamed. His incompetence would only be a repeat of two years ago. Life was rough and confusing for a high school student, shadows aside. He had been there. And Tatsumi didn’t seem to be the type to bawl… It had to be serious.

“Geez, you’ve been giving me grief and now you want to pretend nothing’s happened? You know, it’s okay to talk to me if you need to, right? No matter how ‘dumb’ you think it is. C’mon…” Akihiko spoke as softly as he could as a way to coax.

5. Kanji --

“I-it’s stupid. Just…” He sighed, knowing Akihiko would drop it so easily now. He felt childish, having been crying in the middle of the food court over something so trivial! He grumbled. “I just…i-it’s Yosuke’s fault, damnit! He…HE’S THE ONE WHO ATE THE DAMN PENGUIN!”

6. Akihiko --

Dumbfounded eyebrows tangled. Okay, what. Was Kanji referring to here? Akihiko expected something… relatable. School or family matters maybe. Should he already know context? Nonetheless, he was distracted — with piqued interest, considering his encounters with bears — from Tatsumi’s actual woeing.

“Penguin? There are penguins in Inaba?”

7. Kanji --

Yeah. It was true. That’s what Kanji had been so upset about. He knew it was something really childish. Why would a an (almost) grown man being crying in the middle of JUNES over penguins? Truly he was one with a heart too soft and- wait what?

“Huh? N-no! I’m talkin’ about my animal crackers! Yosuke ate my damn penguin one!”

8. Akihiko --

…

Akihiko blinked. Then his brain registered.

Wow… that really was dumb.

Immediately his expression deadpanned, his hands still on Tatsumi’s shoulders.

“I… I see…”

If only there were real penguins in Inaba.

9. Kanji --

“It just really sucks, ya know? I really needed that cracker!” Kanji wasn’t at all noticing Akihiko’s disappointment. “It’s the only one I can never find, damnit! I got every other animal crack perfectly safe at home in a separate box. The giraffe, the panda, the kola, the zebra, all of ‘em! But I can’t do it if I don’t have the penguin with me!”

It was all coming out like word vomit. Kanji had never told anyone why he wanted that penguin so bad. It was a childish, embarrassing secret of his but now he couldn’t hold back with Akihiko of all people right in front of him in his emotional state.

“I can’t do my animal cracker theater without the star of the show!”

10. Akihiko --

With hands locked on, Akihiko literally witnessed Tatsumi’s inane prattling. This was one of those moments it seemed the two hailed from different cultures; Akihiko could not for the life of him wrap his mind around the fascination for indistinguishable-tasting cookies no matter the animal, and if he heard right apparently they served another purpose other than consumption?

( Although to be frank, he’d much rather listen to his passion for cookies than a certain someone else’s hormonal drivel for chicks. )

Tatsumi’s shoulders became exposed to Inaba’s sunny sky once Akihiko crossed his arms. Dare he cross this territory too or leave hesitant curiosity to the imagination? His decision was this:

“..What do you mean by ‘animal cracker theater’?”

11. Kanji --

“Erh…” he stuttered, realizing he had given away too much information with that last sentence. The younger emperor’s face became slightly red as he chose to continue. “W-well it’s sorta exactly what it sounds like! I uh…I made a little theater house outta cracker boxes and uh…turned a cracker of each animal into a puppet with some sewing thread!”

Man, Kanji was spilling a lot of secrets to Akihiko, today. He was pretty sure not even Narukami or Yosuke knew about his tiny little edible passion. “I just need the penguin and then I can finally do all the tiny plays I wrote for them to put on. E-even if they aren’t any good…..”

12. Akihiko --

“I see…”

Or, not really. This was one of those things Akihiko needed to see rather than imagine. He couldn’t understand, but at the same time, consider him intrigued? With Tatsumi being the one to pull the literal strings, an animal cracker theater might actually be a special feat.

Seeing how visibly tense the other was, Akihiko decided to get off his back. Sharing one’s interest took courage in its own right.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll come across another penguin soon enough. When you do, you’ll throw a show for the kids who visit your shop, right?” He momentarily scratched the back of his head at this detail, began wondering if he should help acquire the missing piece. Next time, of course, when he needed to go grocery shopping. That said, it occurred to Akihiko that he had other chores to tend to.

“–Oh, yeah. Tatsumi? Mind showing me where the nearest laundromat is?”

13. Kanji --

Kanji finally wiped away the tears on his face as he stood up and began to stretch out just for a little bit. It was silly, only a simple fun dream he wanted to do, but there would be more animal crackers and more allowance money for him to spend on them in the future. Right now he’d just have to learn to be patient.

“Yeah…it’s not far from here. I can show ya. It’s in the main shopping district not far from my place, right by the alcohol store.”

14. Akihiko --

“Alright, thanks. Pretty sure I can find it.” A little wandering wouldn’t hurt, either. Before Akihiko proceeded, his leading heel scuffed, halted, due to an afterthought. “I could use the company, though. If you don’t mind.”

15. Kanji --

He just nodded his head and followed along. “Sure thing. I got nothin’ important ta do today,” since someone had eaten his precious penguin, that is. Kanji slumped forward beside Akihiko with his hands in his pockets, leading the way to the laundry mat from JUNEs. Just thinking about it still made the blonde emperor a tad upset, and all the cute little skits he had written out for that prized flightless fish-bird to be the star of.

A glance at Akihiko was stolen at some point as he replayed the conversation in his head, and then suddenly… “You…thought there were penguins here in town, didn’t ya? Uhh…maybe we can take a weekend trip ta Tokyo. ‘ere should penguins at the zoo there or somethin’.”

16. Akihiko --

Best to admit his raw bewilderment and move on, like how Shinji used to, rather than deny. Even if the inquiry made Akihiko acknowledge his silly reaction… Never letting up what the other forgot were what friends were apparently for. “Ah — yeah.”

He chewed on that thought: browsing exotic animals with him (considering the passion for mere imitations, Akihiko foresaw Tatsumi losing his shit over the real deals) amongst an all ages crowd. Tatsumi didn’t need to be considerate, but. “You know what? Why not? Maybe there’ll be bears, too.”

Tatsumi followed as he went to snatch his belongings, then to the laundromat. They talked of various subjects, such as which animals their friends reminded them of (Yukiko, a giraffe; Mitsuru, a stylish but illegal crab) while Akihiko unloaded clothes from a cart into a washing machine, bunches at a time but pausing every now and then to finger through pockets. Once he continued feeding the machine, a small something suddenly tumbled off his fabrics mid toss. Akihiko’s only clues were a light thud and a glimpse of beige: it wasn’t change.

“What the…?”

At first he assumed it came from someone else’s belongings, but nobody near made their claim. So he pivoted and crouched, finding what had fallen chipped at the corner.

“What the hell?”

Akihiko needed to hold the item so close to his eyes that they nearly crossed.

The penguin.

Cheeks heated and muscular legs warped into jelly due to this discovery. Son of a gun. What were the chances of finding this? The exhilaration became so overwhelming that Akihiko started huffing and trembling. As if he gripped a winning lottery ticket! “..Ta-Ta–”

Now-strained legs sprung Akihiko practically onto the other’s midsection, grappling like a thirsty sad sack who just traversed a desert. This time he made heads turn via an emotional outburst. “TATSUMI.” He rose the cracker to his face. “I FOUND THE PENGUIN.”

17. Kanji --

Kanji had calmed down since his little outburst in the mall. Talking to Akihiko had helped, and so had the walk coming over here. Maybe he didn’t get his animal crackers, but now he did have plans to go see real penguins with a friend at zoo next week! Maybe that was better…yeah. Who needs cuteanimal crackers when you’ve good a pal like Akihiko?!

While in thought he almost didn’t notice his friend running at him at top speed from across the laundry mat and jumping at him. Luckily, Kanji’s mighty strength was enough for him to hold Akihiko afloat in his arms while the emperor’s legs wrapped around his hips. Confused, Kanji almost his his balance for a moment as Akihiko shoved something in his face…and then it hit him. “Wh-WHAT THE?! HOLY SHIT!”

Immediately, Kanji dropped Akihiko to the floor and grabbed the cracker, careful not to damage it. “T-THE!! THE PENGUIN!”

There was a moment of silent understanding before Kanji quickly raced home to dig through his materials and get back to the laundry mat in time. Within just a few minutes he had set up his entire animal cracker theater house with the other cracker puppets. The penguin was already being altered very careful into a puppet of its own. “Thanks,” he muttered under his breath while working. “I can’t believe this seriously happened, ya know?”

18. Akihiko --

Left alone with witnesses made him stew in embarrassment; eyes penetrated his (sore) back while he finished up with loading the washer. Akihiko leisurely sat with Tatsumi upon his eager arrival, intrigued with the setup as he watched the other prepare the penguin.

Akihiko sagely stroked his chin in thought. “I have no idea where it came from or why I had it. I don’t eat animal crackers. Anyway…”

Cueing himself, Akihiko readjusted his posture, briefly lifting his weight and turning his seat around so that he could lean forward onto the support. Closer.

“Well then. Aren’t you going to throw me a show?”

19. Kanji --

Kanji glanced up from his handy work to see Akihiko’s curious, cocky, but otherwise cheerful face directed right at him. He must have known what was coming, tho it wasn’t like Kanji was hiding it at this point if he had brought all the materials for it. He could only smile back and give a small nod as he snipped some thread. The penguin was finished. “You bet’cha! Just uh…ya gotta pretend ya like it.”

With that said, Kanji opened up his little theater house he had made out of all the cracker boxes and boy was it elaborate. It liked an old fashion tri-fold Shakespeare theater house complete with balconies, stage design, and even a small audience area where he place multiple other animal crackers he had saved for just such an occasion! Tho, not a single penguin was in the crowd that day.

No. Instead, the penguin was center stage, dangling from a wire thread alongside a bear and an alligator! “And now! The world premiere of…Animal Cracker Theater!”

20. Akihiko --

It may come as a surprise: plot silliness and the overall concept of an animal cracker theater aside, those and the performance rendered Akihiko engrossed. The amount of thought took him back to a night in 2009 when Junpei launched his Believe it or Don’t. However — with the inclusion of originality, props, and even voice acting! — Akihiko can attest more effort went into this.

Loaded machines whirled and hummed in the background. Everyone in the vicinity went about their business, but the ironic, intimidating pair received a few curious glimpses here and there. Akihiko, unaware of Tatsumi’s reputation in Inaba, wouldn’t had assumed notoriety in particular being the reason for possible, convoluted acknowledgements. Quite frankly, the two — or really, Tatsumi — were owning this otherwise drab laundromat.

Akihiko’s mellow hands clapped once the play concluded.

“Bravo, bravo..!”

21. Kanji --

The ‘skits’ he had written were nothing more than terrible penguin jokes and puns that no human alive should actually find funny or laugh at. Most of the punchlines didn’t even land, but that didn’t matter. Kanji never said he was a playwright or a comic. Just that he was artistic and had a dumb dream of doing this.

When all was said and finished he felt so pleased with himself. It was like the entire laundry mat was clouded over in a fog and all that mattered was his dumb animal crackers and his friend that it possible, sitting across the table from him in just his shorts. It was…nice.

“Hehe…thanks. I’m glad you were here for it! I couldn’t have done it without ya!”