#DONT GET ME WRONG. the way they repeat it does fill him with immense guilt but i will honestly say. the counts actions are NOT his actions.

[yn-dreamlife]

Ghost

Warnings: angst, like hella angst, swearing(?), sad Sammy, mentions of self destruction, fluff, brother figure Crowley (yes that’s a warning)

Pairing: Sam Winchester x reader, dean winchester x Friend!Reader

Description: Dean had died and you watched as your boyfriend through his life away. You couldn’t sit around and watch it happen anymore.

Pain. Immense and unmeasurable pain ripped its way through my heart as I watched it happen. As I watched Sam Winchester lose himsel at the lose of his brother. He threw himself into hunting and I knew it wouldn’t be long.

Silent tears crept down my face as I laid in bed alone yet again.

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“I promise after this hunt we’ll-“

“I have to go.”

“I’m sorry.”

The list of excuses and reassurances went on. And I couldn’t blame him. My love for Sam was the only thing keeping us together and I knew that. And that’s what made this moment worse.

I sat up wiping the tears and making my way to the library where I found Sam. “Let’s get you to bed huh?” I whispered to the nerely passed out Sam.

He tried to resist but stopped after a minute I pulled him to our room and laid him down under the covers. But I laid on top fully dressed. His breathing was almost even when I whispered to him.

“I love you so much Sam Winchester. I always have. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I’m so proud of you and I’m always gonna be proud of you, yeah?” He mumbled something attempting to open his eyes when I shushed him softly. “No sam. Sleep now it’ll all be better soon.” I got up grabbing my shoes. Before I left I went over giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

“I promise.” I whispered as I began to drive off. I got to the werehouse where I set up the summoning circle. And soon enough Crowley appeared.

“No.” He said firmly.

“Crow...” I began softly.

“No I will not let you.”

“Crowley I have to.” The tears pricked my eyes again. “There my boys.”

“No I will not let you throw your life away for them.”

“I’ve already made my choice. If not you then someone else but it’s gonna happen.”

“You-you can’t darling.” I watched as tears pricked his own eyes.

I shook my head. “Please just don’t make this harder. Just... can I see him again?” Crowley nodded snapping and suddenly Sean appeared in front of me completely fine and unharmed.

He looked around and when he saw Crowley me and the summoning circle tears filled his own eyes. “Y/n tell me you didn’t.”

“I can’t do it dean. I can’t watch him kill himself anymore. He needs you.”

“No! Y/n he needs you too!” Dean said quickly. My lip quivered and my throat felt thick.

“Just know I don’t regret my decision dean. There’s not a day I will regret doing this. Because the world needs you both. And who am I to take away the Winchester duo from the world?”

“That’s not your call it was my time y/n/n!” His voice shook as he reached out for me and I fell into his chest.

“I love you guys okay? I always have loved you guys. Tell Sammy to move on. Please for me. Tell him to have a bunch of sticky little kids to run around a house. And have the stupid picket fence around his house. Tell him to- tell him to live the life we always talked about.” 

“Does he know?” Dean said thickly.  “no. No he Dosent. Dean he’s torn himself apart, between the drinking and the hunting, i was just background noise. And that’s okay. I understand, but that’s why I have to do this. I have to do this for him dean because if not me it would be him. We both know that, and I promised I would take care of him... this is the only way I can think to do it.” A sob ripped through my throat and then the damn broke I couldn’t hold it back.  “You don’t have To do this y/n.”  “i do Dean. I don’t even feel alive anymore I feel like I’m a ghost just... watching. And I can’t do it anymore. Just... give this to him?” He nodded and I looked to Crowley. “I love you Dean.”

“i love you too y/n/n.” I nodded to Crowley and I heard the snap and then Dean was gone.  “will it hurt?” I whispered.  he hesitated. “Yes.” 

“will you be there?”  “yes.”  “then it’s okay.” I hesitated. “I’m scared.” I whispered turning to the man I’ve now learned to call my brother.  “i know y/n/n. I know.”  “I didn’t want to die two days ago.” The tears rolled down my cheeks in waves. “I wanted a future i was willing to hold on to him for years but then I realized none of it would matter without dean. Dean was always a part of Sams future, I was the add on, i was the extra new thing. He lived without me once... he can do it again... I just don’t know if I can do it without him.”  Crowley enveloped me in a hug and I almost thought I could hear a dog but before I felt anything I heard him whisper. “i know... and that’s why I won’t let you.” 

I shot up in my bed. I looked around wildly i saw Sam in bed next to me but I still shot out of bed and ran down the hall. “dean!” I screamed “dean!” I stopped running dropping to my knees it was a dream. I clutched my head and began rocking myself back and forth pressing my hands against my ears. I could hear him say my name. I screamed trying to block it all out. I failed I failed sam. I shouldn’t be here Crowley didn’t go through with our deal. 

“I failed. I failed. I didn’t get him back. I had him and then he went back. I failed. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” I screamed “how the hell did I lose him again?!” I screamed.  I felt someone grab my shoulders and my head snap up. My breathe hitched. “im sorry.” I whispered. “i tried to get him back. I did it and then... Crowley took it back. I shouldn’t be here. I should be dead and you should be with dean.” My body fell forward till my forehead Was on the floor.  “im sorry dean.” Sam hadn’t said anything and he suddenly got up and left. I don’t know how long I was there crying but I heard footsteps approaching and I didn’t move.  “y/n/n.” I shot up at his voice. And my breathe hitched. I stared confused until I got up and approached him slowly. I held my hand out and reached towards his face. And that’s when I felt my palm touch his cheek. And suddenly I fling myself around him.  “It worked!” I said as I clutched his shirt tightly. “It worked.” I repeated smiling widely.  “I didn’t think he was real.” Sam whispered. “Or legit... I locked him in the dungeon.” He looked down sheepishly.  “dont sweat it Sammy I would have to.” Dean said hugging his brother. I saw the smile on sams face and I had to put my hand over my mouth to not make noise.  “hey hey what’s wrong now.” Dean said when he let go of Sammy.  “your happy.” I said softly as I looked at Sam. The guilt that flashed on his face was instant.  “Baby-”

“It’s ok sam.” I spoke cutting him off. “I told you there nothing I wouldn’t do from you. And I told you it would all be better.” The guilt stuck to his face. “what? What’s wrong.”  “you where going to kill yourself to save dean because you didn’t think you where nessacary for my happiness in the future.” i shrugged.  “deans your brother. I’m just the girlfriend.” Sam shook his head violently.  “no no no no that’s not true. Y/n your so much more than that and I’ve been so stupid to make you think otherwise. Can you forgive me?”

I smiled softly “there’s nothing to forgive.” The smile on his face was enough. If I had to do it all again I would just for that smile. “Now get you ass over here and kiss me.” I said swiping the tears off my face. It was like the wind was knocked out of me. His hands moved to my hips pulling me to him quickly and then his lips smashed against mine. We broke away and I just hugged him enjoying the warm embrace I had missed so much.

“I missed you.” I whispered.

“I know. I’m still sorry.”

“I forgive you.” I looked up to dean who had one tear on his cheek. “Get your ass over here.” I said pulling him into our little hug.

“I love you guys.” Sam said thickly.

“We love you too.” I whispered nuzzling into the embrace of my friends- no. My family.