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starseneyes · 2 years

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Romitri - Rose / Dimitri - Vampire Academy - Season 1 - Ep 8

Welcome to my Meta for episode 8 of Season 1 of Vampire Academy on Peacock! If you’d like to catch up:

Episodes 1-5 Meta

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SPOILER ALERT: I will spoil absolutely everything. So, reader beware. I haven’t yet read the books, so feel free to fill in the blanks, if you like!

All set? Great! Let’s dive in.

The Trials

Talk about a name of an episode having a million meanings. Yes, obviously there’s the Royal Trials. But there’s also the trial of Romitri, of Dragonzera, of Dimitri’s faith, of Rose’s resolve, and of how far a person is willing to go for what they want.

Look, coming into this episode, I was ready for bad. Like, really bad.

I actually predicted the “big minute 41 twist” based on telegraphing earlier in the season, and it was actually more tame than I expected. I knew this episode was going to hurt. And it did. Did it hurt so good? Or just burn away the last shreds of hope? Let’s dive in to find out.

“I’ll have another.”

We find Rose at the bar, the camera paying special attention to her Molnija mark... a mark left permanently on her flesh by the blood of her friend, and the ink of her almost-lover.

Rose is drinking away her sorrows. But her imagination is getting away with her, along with her liquor. Mason’s the one to find her and carry her out of there. She holds onto him as they go.

Now, I’ve seen some people compare this to Dimitri carrying her home. There are some parallels, sure. I think this week we’re going to see Rose seeing Mason there for her when Dimitri isn’t, and even though she doesn’t love Mason, it’s enough for her to lean into him. He’s something stable when everything else in her life has gone to sh*t.

“Lately I’ve been feeling... unmoored. Have you ever doubted any of it? All of it?”

Dimitri is feeling lost, and repulsive as Tatiana is, we know that she is manipulating him. She’s presenting herself as a “kindred spirit”, as someone to whom he can relate. She wants him to share information with him. She wants him to open up. She wants to get something she can use against him or someone else. This is what she does.

But Dimitri doesn’t see it. Because right now he needs someone to anchor him in his faith, again.

Belief systems are tricky, and when you come up in a very restrictive one, any step out of line can feel like the most egregious sin. I can speak to this personally, and I find it so strange that much as I relate to Rose, there are moments I actually relate more to Dimitri.

Trust me, he’s lost. He’s faltering and flailing, and without the foundational functionality of his faith, he finds himself wondering who he is. Who is he without his structure? He honestly doesn’t know.

“But if faith were easy, it wouldn’t need to be practiced.”

It’s exactly what he needs to hear. He needs someone to help him feel rooted, again. Tatiana is an instrument in his convincing himself that he can go backwards. He needs to believe that he can separate himself from Rose, that he can move on as before, that he can still be the golden boy.

Because a part of him needs this.

He needs the rigidity to convince himself he’s a good person. Dimitri’s faith and life negate the acceptance of gray. You’re either a good soldier or might as well be Strigoi.

Tatiana is filling a space in his life right now. We all know what she truly is. We all know what she wants, ultimately. But, he can’t see it, right now. Because she is what he needs her to be in this moment—a voice of reason. Or so he believes.

Rose Takes Off After Dimitri

Besides the convenience of Plot, I have no idea what Dimitri is doing over in this area, especially just strolling around, but Rose loses her thoughts when she sees him. She wants to talk to him.

And Meredith and Mason are so aware that something’s up. They’re both annoyed with Rose for taking off in the middle of something important.

But Dimitri is important, too.

And she wants to talk to him. But by the time she gets out there, he’s gone. It’s so indicative of where they are right now. They can’t even be together in the safety of the sun. She can see him through the glass, but she can’t reach him. He’s unreachable to her, now.

Rose Runs from Lissa

You can tell which one hurt worse.

Look, I’m not saying she doesn’t love Dimitri, but Lissa was her ride-or-die best friend, and Lissa’s rejection hurt a thousand times worse. Lissa took away Rose’s agency by trying to protect her.

And as Meredith and Mason look to one another, it’s clear they want to know what’s going on with Rose. They’re all growing closer as the season goes on, but Rose is shutting everyone out. Everything hurts and she can’t reopen wounds right now.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I’m not talking to anyone else, because you are still the person that I trust.”

I love how she knows his routes. She could just join him, and know exactly where he was going to be. It’s such a nice detail.

“There’s more going on around here than you think, including possible treason.”

She’s trying to appeal to him, to get him to listen to her, to get him to help her. But he’s riding on the high of Tatiana’s affirmation.

Look, when you have a belief system your entire life that you’ve woven into the core of your being, it’s hard to know who you are without it. It’s hard to know how to exist if it’s not the center, any longer.

I’ve seen it happen with many people who grew up in a belief system that was constricting and confining, but felt like a snug embrace. Breaking out of that is not easy and it’s not instant. Sometimes, people balk and push back against it.

That’s where Dimitri is right now. He’s pushing back against Rose and her challenging of everything he knows. He’s trying to burrow back into his belief.

“Come on! I know you think we shouldn’t be talking right now, but-” “It’s not what I think. It’s what has to be.”

And he really thinks he has a handle on it—control. He thinks that if he can cut her off like a bad drug, he’ll be fine and she’ll be fine. But, note how he stopped when she called him out. All it took was her tonal shift, and he totally stopped in his tracks.

“I’ve put you at risk. I’ve all but put Lissa at risk.”

He’s keeping his distance, not closing the space between them like he ordinarily would (even before they became snogging buddies). He’s trying to rationalize all the things he has done wrong. He thinks he has a sin to atone for. He thinks that what he’s done is unforgivable and he needs to somehow atone.

All he did was fall in love.

But love isn’t allowed. Not between Damphirs. It’s a fantasy.

“I recall. I was there making my own choices.”

Rose is the one to step forward, to eliminate a little of the distance between them, to try to remind him that she’s a capable woman and that he didn’t do anything to her. She had a choice at every turn.

Their first kiss was mostly her, for goodness sake. She never asked him to stop because she wanted it all. She was the one drawing him out to dance.

“Were you? The only reason you think you have a choice is because you were raised by a powerful Moroi family who pretended that you being a Damphir didn’t matter.”

Ouch. I think of Alexei and Eloise... Alexei was “an influential Royal” so they looked the other way. They were allowed to marry. They were allowed love. But the second Alexei was gone, Eloise went straight to the Communes. The reality that she was a Damphir never disappeared... it only dissipated so long as Alexei lived.

Dimitri is right, of course. He grew up in a completely different way. Angry as Rose is at her mother, she had the Dragomirs. Dimitri had a single mother in the Communes with younger sisters to take care of. He had abuse. He had trauma.

His faith was the anchor to get him through.

“Maybe if I’d had that, I’d believe that I could do anything, too. But I don’t.”

I don’t believe in myself. I don’t believe I have a choice. I don’t believe I can be trusted with choice.

He’s so lost. Dimitri is lost.

Remember his words from the last episode, “I shouldn’t have let this happen” in relations to Lissa and Adrian seeing the Heretic... as though that would have changed anything or taken away their Spirit Magic and the truth of their Saints. Somehow, Dimitri makes everything his fault.

It’s a special kind of trauma... and he’s digging deeper into it, now. Rose wants to smack him out of it, but there are talons hidden beneath the sinking sand that hook into Dimitri, tearing at him with every one of Rose’s well-meant tugs.

“All I have is this life and the faith that has helped me endure it.”

He never dreamt of another life... until Rose... until she showed him he could find joy in freedom. He accepted the life he’d been dealt, and after seeing the slip of control in a moment’s hesitation... he’s clinging hard to this life, for better or worse.

“I can’t lose that, Rose.”

But can you lose her? Can you really lose Rose completely and not be fractured forever?

The stupid man thinks he can push her away, that she’ll be fine, that he’ll be fine. He’s so busy rationalizing his sins that he’s forgotten how to feel. He’s acting on reason while she’s appealing to his heart that he’s locked away, tighter than ever.

He speaks to her as an equal, here, which is significant. But, he’s speaking to a wall as much as she is. Rose is all emotion, right now, despite trying to have a reasonable conversation.

“It’s not that I don’t want to help you. It’s that I can’t.”

He’s outlining a blueprint for survival and she’s aching for poetry. She steps a little closer, and he almost imperceptibly pulls back... away from the temptation. Away from everything he truly wants.

“This faith that you’re holding onto with a death grip is supporting an unfair system that is never going to change. Maybe you should be the one who does.” “I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

F*ck off, Tatiana. But, the b*tch knows how to choose her moment.

Sorry, y’all, I’m really saucy about her. (and she is BRILLIANTLY written and performed) But, she was most definitely listening in, because if Dimitri was going to consider any of Rose’s words, it might have been this. Instead, he’s redirected to his anchor.

Remember, he’s feeling unmoored. He’s looking for an anchor... even if it sinks him to the depths and leaves him to drown. He’s not thinking that far ahead. He wants the same comfort and solace he sought at the altar after the death of his best friend—and he’s found it temporarily in Tatiana.

All by her design, of course, but Dimitri’s being a bit of a stupid boy at the moment.

“I came to watch you train. I want to see what I’m putting all my faith in.” “Faith in what? What for?”

Rose gives no sh*ts about Tatiana being a Royal. Remember, she grew up with the love of the Dragomirs, so she’s probably long been aware of Tatiana being a venomous snake. She has no need to show her respect, despite the societal norms that demand she should.

“Guardian Belikov has agreed to be my champion in the second trial, the trial by Proxy.”

Dimitri’s looking away. He knows Rose and he knows she isn’t going to like this.

But Rose doesn’t understand my faith so she doesn’t understand why I’d do this for Tatiana.

It’s “the othering” that Tatiana does so well. She does it with the Royals and she does it here with Dimitri. She’s great at separating people and creating divides. She’s trying to divide these two.

“He won’t beat Dimitri, but I can. I know how he thinks, how he moves. I understand him better than anyone. I will win this, so pick me.”

Rose can’t let Tatiana be Queen. Dimitri wasn’t there when she and the other Novices overheard Tatiana’s plans for Damphirs on the Royal Tour. And Dimitri won’t listen to her. As far as she’s concerned, he’s drunk the Duty Koolaid, especially if he’s going to back a sniveling, manipulative, abusive, madwoman like Tatiana.

And—let’s be honest—she wants to beat the sh*t out of him.

The Fight

Why the f*ck are there clowns? I mean, just why!? As someone who grew up terrified of the things... that was jarring and bizarre. Royals are into some kinky stuff, friends.

“When are you going to tell me what she did that hurt so much?” “I have a fight to prepare for.”

Rose is playing off that it’s just Lissa that’s got her off, but we all know it’s Lissa and Dimitri that’s got her off her game. And Rose doesn’t tell these things to Mason.

Because, despite it all, Dimitri is still the one she trusts.

And I feel for Mason because he is all-in as far as Rose is concerned. He’s the one helping her get ready for the fight. He really is being there for her this entire episode in a selfless way. It’s very sweet, but your heart breaks for the kid because we all know that at worst, he’s the one she settles for. And he deserves to be with someone who sees him as he sees her.

“And Lord Dashkov has selected Novice Rose Hathaway.”

This is the first time Dimitri’s hearing this. Up until this moment, he’s been in a Rose-free headspace, prepared to fight for Faith and what’s right against whoever Victor chose. Choosing Rose has thrown a wrench in Dimitri’s plans for the night. Shrouded in darkness, he turns around to see her—completely still, bathed in red like blood.

Lissa looks to Christian in surprise. She didn’t see this coming, and last she knew these two were an item. Now they’re going to fight?

Dimitri tries to take a steadying breath, but this is his worst nightmare. For the sake of duty, he needs to harm the woman he loves.

F*ck duty.

“What are you doing here?”

Rose looks over to Tatiana who gives her a measured look. Tatiana didn’t expect this.

“I’m here to beat some sense into you.”

Not her. Do what you need to do. Do your duty. But if you’re going to do this, you need to understand the monster you’re doing it for.

Dimitri once said he wouldn’t bet against Rose Hathaway. I’m hoping everyone here who was betting was smart enough to bet on her.

Look, I know some have said, “Rose needs this fight”. But this is different. It’s not that simple. Yes, she wants to beat the crap out of him. Yes, she’s hurting. But she also needs to convince herself that he’s not her person anymore.

If he does hit duty, here, she can finally let go of him in her heart, right? She can finally see him as irredeemable. She can finally embrace Mason without feeling guilty.

And Rose throws the first blow, taking him off-guard.

They battle. They move. They grab one another’s chins, trying to gain control of the moment.

“Tatiana Vogel is everything I hate about this place.” “I do what I’m told.” “Right. Your fucking duty.”

Rose is raw, but she is trying to make a point. And he’s missing it. He’s clinging so hard to what makes sense to him that he’s failing to see how none of it actually makes sense. He’s convinced himself that it does.

“Why are you doing this?” “Apparently, it’s the only way you’ll listen.”

He’s horrified, here. Remember, his worst fear is that he’s a violent menace like his father. Rose hasn’t considered that when she decided to do this—or if she has, she’s pushed it so far out of her mind as to think her actions are justified.

But this is sending him spiraling worse than before while she’s trying so hard to pull him to steady ground.

“You want me to stop? Win.”

And there it is. Do your duty. If he does his duty, then it proves he’s too far gone... that she can let go. Do your duty.

“You’re taking it easy on me.” “Or maybe you’re just that good.” “Bullshit.”

This throws me back to the Benchmarks, when Mason told her that Dimitri went easy on her. And then Dimitri told her he was going to come harder for her the next time. She’s looking for the holes. She’s looking for justification. She’s looking for something to make the pain stop as much as he is.

He thinks he can anchor to Tatiana and find peace in his prayers. She thinks she can untether from Dimitri and find release in her wrists.

They’re both thinking past one another instead of working together, and we know that they need each other more than they know. They’re both spiraling in their separate cyclones, too scared and stupid to reach out and steady one another.

“What kind of champion refuses to fight?” “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He grabs onto her face, demonstrating the real control he could wield over her... He’s capable of it. He keeps it at bay. He keeps it locked up. He banishes it. But he is trying to make the point and get through to her.

But he touches a nerve instead.

“It’s too late.”

He has hurt her. He’s gutted her in ways she didn’t know she could still hurt after losing the Dragomirs and dealing with all the other sh*t of her life.

“Your honor as a champion is on the line here, comrade. Come on. Our duty won’t let us be together? Then do your fucking duty.”

She’s taunting him, pushing him, enticing him to fight. But that last bit touches a nerve. It hurts. It aches. It burns. And it bursts out of him before he can wrestle it back. He hits her with an uppercut, sending her flying and Tatiana cheering.

He’s watching Rose hurt... suffer... struggle. And somehow the physical act has finally broken through his understanding. I hurt her. Yes, you did, Dimitri. And Tatiana is cheering you on, applauding your efforts, as you hurt the woman you love.

Dimitri breaks.

He completely breaks. He closes his eyes and accepts his fate as she comes for him. Because he will accept whatever punishment she dolls out. He will allow whatever she wishes to make this right.

I deserve this.

He truly believes it. And he thinks that he can atone for it right here and now instead of working through the muck, instead of putting in the effort, instead of fighting for what’s good and right in the world. Because everything he believes and understands is tethered to a system of oppression and abuse that he’s embraced as gospel.

And it’s something that happens so often to trauma victims, especially those with childhood trauma. We sometimes grab onto something that gives us structure without realizing it’s constricting us, tightening around us like a serpent ready to snap.

“That’s what I thought.”

And Rose is so wrapped in her own pain that she doesn’t see his. Doesn’t realize it’s breaking him. She sees the man who hurt her and not the man who is also hurting.

The bell is rung. She’s won the fight. But it’s not enough for Rose. She wants him to fight her. She wants him to give her that excuse she needs to finally let him go. She’s pent up on anger, aggression, and heartache.

“Fight back!”

But he won’t fight her. He can’t. He won’t.

Because in this moment he chose Rose.

And he will always choose Rose... even when she can’t see it.

He shakes his head... he’s not fighting her.

She hits him. And hits him. And it finally hits her that she’s going too far. All eyes are on her... and on the beating she’s giving a fellow Damphir.

Lissa looks to Mason, as does Meredith. Mason can only mouth, “I don’t know.”

Because nobody knows. Rose doesn’t talk about these things. She doesn’t talk about her hurt. She doesn’t talk about her pain. If she had a person, Dimitri was that person... and her person is the one currently on the ground bleeding... and she’s the one who put him there.

“You’re a fucking mess, Rose.”

Poor Mason. He is being a good friend. And he deeply cares about her. And she does need help, whether she wants it or not. And he’s smart enough to realize he’s not the one to give it.

“I came to apologize. I should not have begun that fight knowing there was no way I could do what I had to do to win.”

Technically, Rose started that fight when you still wanted to talk. But, there it is. You knew you couldn’t purposefully hurt Rose. You couldn’t do it.

It’s not that I don’t want to... It’s that I can’t. His own words come back around in reverse. He wanted to do what he needed to... but he couldn’t... because it was Rose.

“My value here has been... compromised.”

He thinks he isn’t valuable. He thinks he’s broken. He thinks he can’t do the job. He can’t do his duty.

He’s so bloody broken.

And I get this. I get growing up with childhood trauma and internalizing it... thinking that everything is your fault because it has to be. It has to be you who caused the problem because you know you were the problem as a child, so you have to be the problem as an adult.

You’re the failure. You’re the problem. You screwed up. You did it wrong.

What’s wrong with you? How could you do this?

The negative self talk is deafening and damning. He’s so f*cking lost.

“You’re in love with that girl, aren’t you?”

I don’t think Tatiana realized it until now. And Dimitri knows it, but can’t verbalize it. That would be another sin.

But the look he gives her is so close to the one he gave Alberta when she called him out on the “extra training” he’d been giving Rose. He’s caught. The other person is right. Damnit.

“But you can’t be with her without sacrificing the duty you pledged to the Saints. So you’ve chosen not to be with her at all.”

Tatiana is, once again, acting as his anchor. She calls out “the Saints” specifically, pulling him closer toward the Faith and further away from Rose. She knows what she’s doing. He’s vulnerable and broken, and she’s preying on him.

He needs an anchor. And she knows it. She makes him feel wanted and seen without having to compromise his beliefs. She’s giving him an out... and he’s so broken that he takes it.

Because he needs this anchor to justify everything he’s ever been... because Rose challenges everything he’s ever known and believed.

Dimitri chains himself to the anchor as it drags him down... because he wants the safety of direction without taking into account the true costs to his soul.

And as they kiss, he can’t even touch her. Because it’s not about love. It’s about feeling something with someone who knows the proper order of things and can offer him absolution for his sins. He feels... seen and validated. Like, all the sacrifices he’s making are the right ones, and that his Faith is justified.

And he’s so lost, wafting in the wind without a direction. And this woman comes along with a familiar song that he’s heard a thousand times, and he listens to the siren who sings him to his doom because the tune is familiar and stirs in him something that resembles who he believes himself to be—righteous and true.

Never mind his true sins are on display, for his pride and stubbornness are blocking him from true happiness with the woman he truly loves.

“We both need to find our way without each other.”

As Dimitri sacrifices a part of his soul to find perceived absolution, Rose cuts off a part of hers in an act of self-preservation.

“I have to be loyal to myself for a change. I have to make my life count.”

And Rose finally lets Mason in a little. And it hurts. It aches. Because she’s doing the same thing as Dimitri, right now. She’s looking for someone who doesn’t make it hurt more. She’s looking for someone who makes her feel justified, someone who makes her feel like she doesn’t have to change, someone who won’t expect her to be anything more than she is.

But that’s the dance of Dimitri and Rose... they make each other better. Dimitri helps Rose to be more disciplined and to consider her actions. Rose helps Dimitri to set aside his rigidity and actually live and enjoy life a little.

They draw one another out in the best and worst ways, but growth is often intertwined with pain, because we don’t want to move out of our comfort zone. Dimitri and Rose are magnets, but to get to one another, they both have to move out of their comfort zones. Right now, they’re both desperate for them.

They’re both looking for someone else, right now, who can make it hurt a little less. And that’s what sucks for poor Mason, because he’s all-in. And Rose is trying to convince herself that she is, too.

And Dimitri is trying to convince himself that he was right and Rose is wrong, and that his Faith is enough to carry him through. But, he’s so blind in his agony that he’s oblivious to Tatiana’s true intentions.

I see a lot of people saying, how could you!? to Dimitri... and while I think his choice is abhorrent, he’s completely broken, right now. He wants to feel something besides the pain of losing Rose, the fear of his own faltering faith, and the darkness that he’s worked so hard to keep at bay.

Dimitri is digging in his heels.

And Rose is running away.

They’re so opposite and yet so the same. Stubborn to the core. And, we can only hope that someday these two realize what we already know—they’re so much better together.

WOW, I got this one out a lot faster than expected. But, I saw some abuse of Kieron Moore, and I think that spurred it on. Look, these actors are crushing it, but they aren’t responsible for their character’s choices. I’ve read the articles from Kieron about his struggles with the scene. He was honest. He was earnest. He worked hard to understand what would drive Dimitri there even as he’s shaking his head at the guy.

And I have a real big problem with abusing actors. I grew up on film sets. I grew up around young stars. I saw them go from actors nobody knew to international sensations, and I saw how their lives changed, for better or worse. These actors aren’t responsible for their character’s choices and don’t deserve any criticism or vitriol for what their characters do.

Alright, I’ll get off the soap box, now. It just really strikes a nerve.

As always, thank you for reading. Stay tuned for more angst and heartbreak next week courtesy of our favorite forbidden lovers who are too stubborn for their own good.

#Vampire Academy #Vampire Academy Peacock #Rose Hathaway #Dimitri Belikov #Rose x Dimitri #Dimitri x Rose #Romitri #Kieron Moore #Sisi Stringer

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