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butchbarbieagainstterfs · 1 year

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Have you noticed this trend of feminist women who generally don't hang out in TERF spaces defending conservatives? Like TERFs tend to think that femininity is oppressive, but these seem to think that femininity is under attack. They call themselves feminists, just like TERFs do, and they defend conservatives, just like TERFs do, but they come at it from a different angle.

I see this type of feminist so much on baby name websites. It's honestly mind-boggling how much the feminist cis moms on there keep missing the point of debates and derailing it to the point where they call normal people misogynist for basically nothing, while letting obvious sexists slink by. Actually I will use this as an example because I think it shows just how oblivious they are to gender essentialism. An average argument will go something like this:

Tradmomma: "My neighbour named her daughter Elliot Rebecca. Can you believe! A girl with a boy name! Horrible! Girls all want to be feminine and these parents are forcing masculinity on their baby!"

Divinemotherhood: "I know, they're trying to erase gender! My own husband suggested we name out son Evelyn after his grandfather, but no son of mine is going to have a sissy name. Thankfully I convinced my hubby and we named our baby Daniel."

Blueylover: "Idk, I like some boy names on girls. Elliot is a lovely choice. And there's good feminine nicknames too if she ends up girly, like Ellie!"

Allison1987: "Uh, I can't belive you, Blueylover! People like you who only like boy names on girls and not girl names on boys are the worst kind of sexist! Why can't you appreciate feminity? I bet you just give your daughters boy names because you want them to be CEOs one day, as if my daughter can't do the same with a girls' name! I want to bestow my daughters with names filled with women's history, so they have female rolemodels who share their name!

[Five people proceed to have a lengthy but shallow discussion about how it's more common to give girls boy names than the other way around (which could be interesting except the whole argument is too shallow to make any real points), and how that means that nobody values feminine women anymore. Blueylover is painted as a horrible misogynist, while Tradmomma and Divinemotherhood get completely forgotten. Someone asserts that their daughter, Annabella Ballerina Pink Princess, has a good, versital name that fits any type of personality she might have as an adult, and people agree that it forces fewer gender norms than Elliot Rebecca does. Blueylover leaves the forum and everyone pats themselves on the back for having cleared the space from people who disrespect women.]

There's so many of these types of "defend femininity at all costs" feminsts around me and I feel like I'm going insane. A conservative will call me a slur for being a (non-passing) trans man, and then one of these feminists will show up right after and say that my identity as a trans man is valid, but since I chose to dress like an average guy instead of wearing dresses and stuff, it means I'm disrespecting femininity so I'm sexist and deserved the bad treatment anyway. No shade towards femininity itself, but it's not for me, and it's weird that supposed feminists don't think I should be allowed to avoid it even after a lifetime of being forced into it.

Have you also noticed this type of feminist? I feel like there's more of them since the pandemic started. What's your take?

Yeah people like that give a bad name to feminism. It’s always the mothers commenting on other people’s children too and making assumptions about infants based on nothing but their biology.

This is why I have my own unique relationship with feminism and rarely go into solely feminist spaces. They’re way too often, in my experience, overrun with white, cishet, stereotypically feminine mothers with bigoted views, who think their way is the only way and anyone who disagrees just hates them because they’re women.

#anti terf #personal

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