#Do I just need more character growth? Then I can feel connected to lazing about in the jingshi on a regular basis?

[ayinglair]

Why do I default to the "before"

[passingdaysthings]

11.21.2022 - The Feelings Are Somewhat Resolved

Today is Monday. 

School has become much more manageable now that I have had time to get familiar with the online learning environment and my professors teaching styles. I didn’t miss my period last month, and I didn’t miss it this month either so I am happy with that. I am currently working on my calculus final, and I am expecting to finish this semester with 2 Bs which I am very happy about judging by what a hard time I had this semester. I am going to look for a job over winter break because I want to save money so I can travel with my friends and try to pay student loans. I also opted to take just one class next quarter because I don’t want to overwhelm myself like this semester. I don’t think I am ready to have another semester similar to this one, and the next class I am taking is suppose to be the hard one of the program. I think I really need to grow up and do more adult-like things rather than laze around all day and study. Cheers to a semester full of learning and growth though. 

Moving onto the topic that has plagued my mind for the last few posts; my online best friend. He is such a special cookie, and I don’t think I will ever understand that man. We spent time together on Halloween, and I decided that it was time that I told him how I felt so I did. It was funny because his initial response was, “why”?, and then he went to bed. The man didn’t respond until 2 days later when I asked him about it. It turns out that he was sick, but he was also thinking of a way to reject me kindly since he usually just does it in a mean way. He said that he really valued me as a friend, and he didn’t want to lose me which was why it took him some time to answer. I assured him that it was fine, and that my feelings were not something extremely strong. They were also feelings that I had kind of just realized and felt a need to tell him because I felt guilty not being able to whole-hardheartedly support some of his decisions. I also asked him the biggest question on my mind, and it was the whole thing about sleeping together and calling me babe WHICH this man responded with, I don’t know, honestly. I asked this man why he did that, and he just said I don’t know. What in the world? I would have been more satisfied if he was just like, I just really wanted to sleep with you or I like calling people babe randomly. He literally could have said anything outside of “I don’t know”. I ended up telling him that I don’t want to sleep with someone I consider my best friend because it would be morally wrong to our future significant others. He responded with our future spouses didn’t need to know. This man truly baffles me. He is so fickle. Sometime he cares about loyalty and honestly, and other times, he just throws it out the window. I never know what to believe. I can’t fault him to much though because 2 days later, I just reverted back to how we were. I just went back to the occasional discussion of sleeping together. I honestly don’t know why because it’s not in my character to do that. I don’t like him in that way anymore or at least not to the point that it would affect our friendship, but I think a part of me will always like him because we share a ridiculously deep connection. As for sleeping together, I think it may be because he knows me super well, and I would prefer to have a connection with the person I am sleeping with rather than sleeping with a complete stranger. Who knows though because he won’t be coming in December anymore, and all our discussions now are “one day” blah blah. I don’t really have that much of a desire to meet him in person anymore either. That’s why I believe that my feelings have been resolved. Meanwhile, my little sister thinks there is absolutely no way that a guy who spends this much time with me, has a level of possession over me, and wants to sleep with me has no feelings for me. She thinks that he just has hard-core commitment issues and mistrust in women because of his past relationships which could be true, but that is something for him to deal with. My biggest concerns is gonna be my decision (when the day comes) to sleep with him, and that is the biggest reason dimming my desire to meet him. Right now, I can hold out because we have never met so I don’t have to worry, but how will things work out in the future when we do meet? My little sister 100% believes that the two of us would not be able to stay away from each other if we met, and I think there is some level of fact in that. We’ve never met in person so it’s hard to really say. I am pretty sure we’ve crossed the best friend line a long time ago though. We send each other explicit pictures, and discuss, in detail, about the things we wanna do when we sleep together. I have never in my life had this kind of discussion with anyone, not even my ex. I am pretty sure that me and Taylor want to continue being in each other’s lives, but that would be very difficult if we slept together. Imagine having a significant other that keeps around a best friend that they have slept with. I would feel so uncomfortable, but then again, I think any significant other me and Taylor may have will feel uncomfortable with the relationship we have now even though we’ve never even met each other in person. Honestly, good luck to whoever tries to date the 2 of us in the future. That is a bridge I am avoiding. 

Mentally, I am in a very good place right now, and all I really have to worry about is my studies. I am worrying about money just because I wanna enjoy my life as much as possible, and I want to be as ready for the future. 

-P

[caffernnn]

For the ask game: makoharu have a serious talk about their relationship after Haru goes pro and like maybe after the olympics. It’s their first talk for this scenario since Haru just became famous and like insecurities are abound on both sides.

Okay anon I’ve been making notes about this idea since you’ve sent it and there’s just so much to think about here!! Like the situation has the potential to be Eternal Summer 2.0 but with character growth y’know? Such a good prompt, here are my messy thoughts on it:

They’ve chosen each other each step of the way, but can they keep doing it?

- Makoto wants to plant roots, always has. He craves community and being anchored in a place he can connect with and call “home.” Now that he’s nearing the end of his degree, he just has to decide where his next “home” will be. He’d like to be closer to his family, seeing as they still love Iwatobi, but he doesn’t mind having a few more stops in between before returning. His time in Tokyo taught him that he’s capable of building a life for himself somewhere new (he used to fear that his heart was painfully stuck in his hometown), but he needs time.

- Haru craves familiarity and a safe place to land, but he still wants to fly. He wants to follow this dream out for a little while longer, even though he knows it’ll be demanding. He doesn’t mind going wherever as long as he has enough resources/support/etc to maintain a semblance of self — he want to be able to have a routine and autonomy outside of his demanding career. When they were younger and on the starting line of this journey, Haru asserted that he would take on the world without giving up the things and people that meant everything to him. Now that he’s deep into it, they need to figure out what that looks like.

- Makoto wants roots, but he’s willing to follow the Japan team for awhile. He likes the idea of returning to a swim club one day (adores the idea of having a community of people to learn about and help again), but training on the pro circuit means he’s ready to make home in the people he’s working with. He’s fine with that compromise, knowing that he could do long distance with Haru, but spending weeks missing him during college doesn’t make him excited about the prospect of choosing to be anchored far away from him. He wants them to be close, together as often as they can, around enough to enjoy quiet moments and read each other.

- Haru fears the limelight a bit, knows it’ll be overwhelming even at the best of times, but he’s willing to take it on with his support system by his side. He loves his friends, loves the family they’ve created, loves Makoto, and he trusts them to remember who he is and why he’s doing any of this in the first place. It’s something he’s been able to grapple with throughout his college career in bits and pieces, but the world stage is a whole other beast.

- Talking about the future yet again feels daunting, their first fight now years behind them but still making them shaky. Makoto doesn’t want to push too hard but he wants them to figure it out together this time. At least, he wants to stay together. He hopes Haru wants the same, feels it in the way they’ve made a home in Tokyo together, but a small part of him he’s never fully been able to shake wonders/fears if one day Haru will want to fly just out of reach. Part of it lays in them never being able to come to a conclusion on being “out” in the media’s eye. They don’t necessarily hide themselves (going out on dates, talking about their partner around trusted friends/colleagues, etc) but they try to deflect and avoid the topic when it comes up in interviews. It’s a reminder that even though they’ve loved and felt loved for years, coming out is a process that never ends, and it’s hard to know if it’s safe to just be themselves.

- They have a tentative talk about it while lazing in bed one night. The 5-year talk. How much Haru wants to share in the public eye. If they need to hide their relationship; if they’ll keep going. “Do you see me there?” “Do you?” “I want you there. I’ll always want you there.” They talk about what Haru might do after the swimming years. What Makoto wants to do. Finding a place to call home. Haru wants to be unapologetically himself. They both agree that their dreams started out being inspired by each other in a lot of ways and many of their new dreams are still tied to each other. The idea of planning for the future isn’t as scary this time, because they’re stronger in a lot of ways — their inferiority complexes have been reigned in by years of reassurances and they’re way more willing to fight to keep each other (“we’ll figure out how to grow together” vs “I’ll suck it up and let you go if I might be holding you back”).

TL;DR — I think they’ve both had time to mature and actively learn more about themselves that talking about the future doesn’t shake them as bad. Both are willing to make compromises but are open about the big things they want (for Makoto it’s community, for Haru it’s autonomy). There are still aspects about their future that are daunting (mainly fame and the responsibilities/baggage of it), but they know they want to continue taking on the world together.

(Also the conversation is charged with an energy that’s basically like a proposal, so they’d probably end up doing cute formal proposals soon after)

[drink-n-watch]

I has been a week of blistering afternoons and wild festival movies and lots and lots of work. And lest you think I be complaining, these are all very good things. Except for the heat – I could do with less of that. But good and fun as these things may be, they can end up a little exhausting, so I was looking forward to lazing around on the weekend and having a nice little Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba chat with my friend Crow. How are you Crow?

  I’m well, thanks for asking! It’s pretty hot down here in the States, too. Better than a couple of weeks ago, though. I’ll be bold his week (it still feels like an unnatural state!) and to be clear, there may be spoilers!  What an episode, too! I can’t wait to dig in!

This week opened up not on our heroes battling the giant spider demon, but on what I can only assume is fan favourite Giyuu (if fan art is to be believed, this guy is everywhere!) and the butterfly girl whose name I’m not sure we know.

They mentioned her name like once in the previous episode. She’s Shinobu Kocho. 

Crow, is she the same girl that passed the final trial with Tanjiro? If so, she must have risen in the ranks extremely quickly to be accompanying Giyu now!

She looks just like her — seems to have an affinity for butterflies, too! So I dug deeply into the archives and searched for hours (okay, I Googled for a few minutes) — I think they’re separate. The other survivor from the trial is Kanao Tsuyuri. They have absolutely got to be connected somehow. I think that Shinobu is a demon. Can they have kids? Or maybe Kanao is her younger human sister? 

So, the scene opens on these two arriving in Spider forest to either rescue the surviving Demon corp members (about time there guys…) or kill the demons. The organization seems rather martial and hawkish, so my money is on the latter.

The butterfly girl whose name I don’t know (Hey! I just told you! Oh, right, writing is asynchronous! Sorry — carry on!) I just forgot sheesh – whose name is Kachow, is extremely cheerful through all of this and has this high pitched sing songy voice that clashes with the surroundings. I’m not scared of spiders at all, but butterflies creep me out. And this girl sends chills down my spine. It’s likely only due to my personal brand of crazy, but I have immediate distrust towards this poor young lady.

Actually, I think she earned it. I found her attitude to be quite scary. Not head spider-level terrifying, but enough to make me draw a sword. If I had one. And I don’t.

After the opening credits, we catch up with Inosuke and Tanjiro trying to deal with giant spider papa. Throughout the fight, he keeps repeating “Stay away from my family.” He’s consciousness seems a lot dimmer than all the other spider demons. Despite Tanjiro’s insistence to the contrary, I’m almost certain this guy is not one of the 12. Sure, he is very physically strong, but his mind seems mostly gone, like one of the underling demons.

All the higher ups have been frighteningly smart. They’ve needed to use some brains to survive,  I suppose. And we know that Kibutsuji isn’t exactly the patient type. I don’t see him putting up with spider dude for very long. Nope! I’m calling super obvious red herring on this one.

I don’t know for sure, but I agree with you! 

This said the fight was fun to watch. Choreography remains stellar. I think my favourite moment was seeing Inosuke skip across the water like a flat stone.

In my notes, I had written, “Inosuke skipped like a stone…” Great minds and all! The water animation, too, I thought was just fantastic! 

My second favourite part was seeing Inosuke run away. It was played for laughs and possibly that’s all it was. A gag. But in the context of that character, it’s a huge growth moment. Inosuke does not know when to quit. Often putting his life at risk and losing the advantage. He is a straightforward brawler without any strategic sophistication who considers anything other than raw strength embarrassing. But he still opted for a tactical retreat without anyone telling him, and he wasn’t that wounded yet. To me, it shows forethought and strategic thinking that were out of reach until now. Not to mention that he had to let go of whatever “honor” or “power” ideals he was holding onto. Even I think I’m reading too much into this.

I hope you’re not, because I picked up on the same thing. I think Tanjiro’s a good influence on him! 

We got a quick look at how Zenitsu is doing as well. In short, not great. Even the little nightmare spider creatures felt sorry for him. In what he thinks his last moments are, all he could do was uselessly apologize to Nezuko. I’m not sure for what. Not saving her I suppose. Still, it wasn’t a show of self pity, grief or vengeance fueled anger. It was regret of not being there for another. I thought that was sweet.

Of course, I don’t think we’re going to lose Zenitsu any time soon. It may be very gory but Demon Slayer is still something of a children’s show. Like those old terrifying fairy tales. The heroes don’t just die in the middle like that.

Sadly it’s suspicious butterfly girl that comes to his rescue so he  may wish he had died…

The animation of her butterflies, then her descent onto the cabin, was hauntingly beautiful. Her outfit even looked like butterfly wings as she landed. Given her cheerful and carefree attitude, I wonder if Zenitsu thought he was hallucinating? I’m pretty sure I would have thought so.

Now all three main Demon hunters are separated. Tanjiro, having been thrown far from Inosuke and the Spider papa, is just landing in another part of the woods. I almost expected him to fall on Giyuu. Instead though, he pulled off a pretty smart move, using his water wheel to curve and slow the trajectory of his fall allowing him to survive the landing. Although not exactly unscathed. I really liked this. It was a smart functional use of water breathing. Were you as impressed as I was, Crow?

Yes, I was! He used a similar technique when he fought the dying vector demon back in episode 10, didn’t he? Tanjiro never stops thinking, and I like that about him.

Tanjro may not have landed on Giyuu, but he did seem to land on little brother and sister demon instead. There were some really interesting speculations in the comments of last week’s post, over on Crow’s blog, that the two may actually be one and the same. It seems they are physically separate at least, not that they couldn’t turn out to be linked on some level.

That little sister is just so meek for a demon. She seems gentler than Nezuko and aside from calling for her daddy when a maniac wearing a bore head started screaming that he was going to kill her and brandishing weapons, she actually hasn’t done anything even remotely aggressive. And from my description, I bet you can tell I don’t think that was aggressive either.

The story is purposefully showing her not attacking a lot. I’m thinking there’s a reason behind that.

I had a hard time finding her name, but it seems to be Kumo oni: Ane. I’m reading her character the same way you are. And though I’m sure it’s just because I’m wired to feel sorry for a sobbing female, I really felt bad for her. Rui’s obvious cruelty helped that along, I’m sure! 

Out of the blue and unbelievably unharmed, not scared and rather jerky demon slayer shows up to give little bro a chance to show off his overpowered skills. I understand the function of the scene, but considering all that has happened, the odds are just too impossible that a random guy got separated from the group, has been just fine all this time and is happy about bumping into demons he can attack? It was way too contrived. There must have been a better way to establish little brother’s skills and power level. Magic glasses or something?

Even the little extra bit he said — about advancing up the ladder so he could earn more money, almost hinting at some kind of fiscal corruption, didn’t help. His attitude was the most un-Demon Slayer like we’ve seen. 

I could only come up with two explanations. First, we’re going to learn something amazing about that character in the near future that’ll blow us away. Or, the main writer went to get a drink or take a restroom break, and the junior writers just wanted to get to the next scene. 

I’m thinking number two. And you know what – you tried guys!

We got back to Inosuke, and I suddenly had a series of revelations. First, I realized that the characters are better individually than together. They just don’t have the proper chemistry as a group. They should be pen pals from now on. Second, as a wounded Inosuke is hiding and trying to survive, I realized that I was genuinely worried for Inosuke. How, why huh? Is it just a function of proper tension and dramatic timing? Inosuke is my least favourite character and I think he is responsible for a lot of the elements that don’t work in Demon Slayer, but I was biting my nails wishing that he would be ok. I’m so fickle!

Then, as he had his grand moment chopping of the demon’s arm, we got a fantastic scene where papa dropped everything and high tailed it out of there! I loved it and instantly changed my mind about the papa demon character (for now). Do I just like people who run away? Maybe I do. Maybe that’s why I’m a lot more forgiving of Zenitsu than most folks are. I respect people who know when to give up!

Pen pals? “Dear Insouke. I hope the day finds you well…” Well, it would certainly make for different pacing! But I see what you mean. I loved seeing Inosuke develop as he was apart from Tanjiro. He was forced to be honest with himself, especially given how powerful his opponent was.

But do you know what else I thought was really cool? You could see the impact Tanjiro has had on him in their short time together. Inosuke probably couldn’t put it into words, but he’s starting to really respect Tanjiro. Remember, just before papa spider sent Tanjiro practically into orbit, Insouke watched Tanjiro power up and thought, “He’s about to do something totally mind-blowing!” That’s not something Inosuke would have said just a week ago. 

Character development rocks.

Sadly, papa isn’t actually a huge demon version of Zenitsu, and he was just finding a safe spot to turn into… basically the same thing. A bigger version of himself with more eyes and I’m guessing even stronger and tougher but still just a brute strength gear check.

Too bad, he was really interesting for a second there.

Not that an unstoppable force isn’t an impressive opponent. Inosuke took quite the punishment and the skull crushing scene was difficult to watch. But at this point, it just seemed like something we’ve seen before. What do you think Crow?

Sure, papa spider 2.0 was an upgrade, but you make a good point. The only thing I thought was different was how Inosuke reacted. He nearly gave up, re-found his courage (always a stirring moment for me!), and tried again. 

Was that Inosuke’s mom we saw as he hovered on the edge of unconsciousness? Now I want to know more about his past! 

I think it was. It’s how I read the moment.

For the third time in the episode, we had a Demon Slayer unexpectedly showing up next to one of our main characters. This time Giyuu. Ok, I get it. Giyuu has a great design. I would draw him too!

Moreover, Giyuu uses water breathing. Did we know that?

Okay, now I know you somehow snuck into my computer and read my notes. At 20:19, I had written, “Did we know Giyuu uses water breathing techniques like Tanjiro?” 

I guess the other way to answer that is by just saying, “No!” Pretty cool, though. Assuming Tanjiro survives (and I’m trying not to get ahead of ourselves here!), he has quite a powerful future to look forward to.

Since Tanjiro learned his technique from Urokodaki, does that mean Giyuu also trained under him? And Crow, did you see if Giyuu had a black sword? They made a big deal about that but then just sort of forgot about it. So many questions!

Re-watching the scene, I think you’re right — it does look black. Good catch!  

The very last scene returned us to Tanjiro facing off with little brother. Nezuko still presumably in that crate on his back. I still don’t understand why we haven’t seen her in this arc. The episode ends on a first-person cliffhanger. Cheeky! And quite visceral. I felt that one!

I think this is the worst cliff-hanger they’ve sprung on us. What the heck, Demon Slayer? 

I’m excited to see what Giyuu and Butterfly girl can bring to the mix and curious about what little sister is hiding. She even looks a little like Nezuko. I think… We haven’t seen her in a long time. Any final thoughts Crow?

I’m still annoyed about that cliffhanger! That aside, I enjoyed seeing Inosuke and Tanjiro both pushed to their limits. Isn’t it interesting to see what a character does at the point of greatest stress? It really shows what they’re made of.

That cliffhanger, though…

Reviews of the Other Episodes

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 01: Cruelty

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 02: Trainer Sakonji Urokodaki

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 03: Sabito and Makomo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 04: Final Selection

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 05: My Own Steel

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 06: A Friend fo All Humans

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 07: Muzan Kibutsuji

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 08: The Smell of Enchanting Blood

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 09: Temari Demon and Arrow Demon

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 10: Together Forever

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 11: Tsuzumi Mansion

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 12: The Boar Bears Its Fangs, Zenitsu Sleeps

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 13: Something More Important Than Life

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 14: The House with the Wisteria Family Crest

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 15: Mount Natagumo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 16: Letting Someone Else Go First

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 17: You Must Master a Single Thing

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Episode 18: In which Tanjiro Dispenses Good Advice I has been a week of blistering afternoons and wild festival movies and lots and lots of work.