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lilteamushroom · 4 years

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Ed Bosco X Reader (ft Hunicast)

@lunarwolfgirl101 @prismaroyal @fandomsarepainful

✨You are the voice actor of Molly (Angel Dust’s twin) and ever since Ashley invited you to the Hunicast, people have loved you. Things have been crazy since you are moving in with Ed as a roommate since you were kicked out of your old apartment for having a pet French Lop Rabbit. Your old roommate turned you in for having Flopsy (your bunny)✨

You sat next to Ed in his recording space on call with Ashley, Michael, and Viv. “Stream will be starting soon!” Ashley says happily.

“Thanks for inviting me Ash!” You say happily.

“Oh no problem (y/n)! I’m so happy to have you here! Good thing the lug had the heart to take you in.” Ashley said. “Haha yeah.” You said thinking back to when Ed let you stay at his house.

“No you can’t do that!” You cry as your ass hole of a landlord throws your things outside into the rain.

“I told you no pets! And you broke the one rule we have! And that party you had? Nope! Having a male in the female rooms? Absolutely not! Your out missy!” Your landlord yelled throwing out more stuff.

Your landlord shut your apartment door and locked it.

“I have more stuff in there!” You say to her.

“Well you can grab it some other time. Go home to your parents house.” Your landlord said walking away and getting into her car. You took Flopsy out of her cage and put her into your jacket so she wouldn’t freeze, Flopsy casually cuddles into your jacket and falls asleep. You shiver as you dial a couple numbers into your flip phone. Your friend didn’t answer, you couldn’t call your parents because they lived in another state. Then you thought about the people you record things with and the Hunicast gang. You almost smile dialing his number.

“Hey (y/n). What’s up?” Ed asks.

You sniffle a bit.

“I uh, need some help. Something happened.” You say with a hiccup trying to hold in your cries.

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?”

“My roommate turned me in for having Flopsy and now she kicked me out of my apartment. I’m out in the rain in my pjs with a couple things of mine. I don’t know where to go or what to do. Could I... if it’s no trouble, well-“

“You can stay here til you get things sorted out. I’ll be there in 10. Hang tight. Don’t freeze.” Ed sighs hanging up.

Your pjs were soaking wet. Your hair was wet. Everything was wet.

(I saw these pjs on Pinterest and thought they were cute)

You saw headlights approaching in the distance. You stood up making sure to hold onto Flopsy. Ed pulled up and nearly jumped out of the car. “Thanks for coming Ed-“” you were cut off by Ed putting a blanket around you, he had gotten out of the car.

“Get Flopsy and go in the car, I can get your stuff and put it in the car.” He said you nodded putting Flopsy in her cage. You wanted to help him but you were so exhausted from being yelled at and crying. Ed saw that. You climb into the passenger seat with Flopsy’s cage in your lap. Ed put the few things your landlord threw out. Ed got into the car. “Sorry this is happening to you” Ed says turning up the heater. “It’s okay, thank you for coming to get me.” You say to him. “I couldn’t just sit back, when a princess is in need of a hero.” Ed said almost in a flirty tone. You felt your whole face heat up. Much like Ashley you got flustered easily, and Ed being Ed loved to take advantage of that. “Oh my hero.” you stutter, but it made him laugh. For the next few weeks of trying to find an apartment, Ed eventually asked you to just move in permanently. It was very well aware you both liked each other but you both didn’t say or do anything about it. Til now. 30 minutes into the stream there was a particular question that caught everyone’s attention. “MintyCat45 says: ‘Its been hinted before but no one has had the balls to ask. Ed, (y/n) are you guys dating?” Michael asked. “OOOH SHIT.” Dave yells. Ed looks over at you. “(y/n)?” he asked getting closer to you. “Yes Ed?” You asked shyly. “Would you want to go out after the stream?” He asked. 8,000 people were hearing your crush ask you out. You nodded your head to him. “(y/n), the people wont hear you if you just nod your head, darling.” Ed says getting closer to you. You cover your face. “yes” you say softly. Ed gently pulls your hands away from your face. He turned back to the microphone. “I’m taking her out. So now we are dating.” Ed said all smug like. You poked his face, “Hey hey hey! I said I would go out with you, that doesn’t make us a couple.” you said with a dash of a blush across your cheeks. “So your saying you don’t wanna be with me?” Ed says a bit dramatically. “No I do!” you answer without hesitation. “There’s your answer.” Ed says. “Oh Ed your in love!” Ashley teases. “Shut the fuck up Ashley.” he says. You sit back in your seat, relaxing a bit, though a blush was still across your face. The rest of the stream went smoothly, Oh Ashley’s thrown around, flirting, song requests, the usual. Soon the stream ended, Ashley, Michael, Viv and Dave said their goodbyes as the call ended. Silence filled the room. You were feeling hot from blushing for so long. “A date huh?” you ask him, getting up to stretch. “I’m not an idiot, I know you like me (y/n).” Ed said looking over the side of the couch. You stop in your tracks. “Well I know you like me too!” You say to him. He chuckles. “Where do you want to go out to?” Ed asked getting up. You thought about it. “There is a good bubble tea shop near here we could go to.” you say to him. He smiles. “How about dinner? I know you haven’t eaten yet.” He suggested to you. You shrugged thinking back to his mom.

“I know but your mom is high risk, we are meeting her on Sunday for dinner I don’t want to risk it” you say to him. He nods,

“Wanna order food then atch a movie?” He asked you, you nodde happily in agreement. “Surprise me on the food.” You say to him. He smiles.

“You gonna have the best delivered pizza around here, that is in our budget.” Ed says with confindence. You smiled back at him as he walked away to make a phone call. You go to your room to change into some pjs. You found your strawberry pjs. The one you wore when Ed took you in. Of course you are going to wear it for this date. You put your hair into a loose low bun and your strawberry milk socks. Even though it was an at home date you still wanted to look your best.

You head back into the room, just to catch the tail end of the phone call. You settled your self on the couch with your favorite blanket over your lap. Ed came over to the couch and sat about half a foot away from you.

“Are you cold? I can turn up the heater.” He asked. You shook your head.

“I’m okay. This blanket will do.” You answer him. He nods. Silence filled the air, all you could hear was the slight hum of the heater going in the background, though you didn’t hate the silence. Your old apartment always had some sort of commotion going on.

“I like how quiet it is here.” You say randomly. Ed looks at you. “Why’s that?” He asked you.

“Well my old apartment always had something going on.. From car alarms, to the neighbor couple fighting then Half an hour later, going at it.” You say as you felt your cheeks heat up.

“I’ve always liked the quiet.” You admit him.

“I’m not surprised, my old roommates said the same thing.” He looked away for a second then back at you, his eyes locked on yours. He slid over a bit to be closer to you.

“I’m glad your my roommate now.” He said in the most gentle voice you have ever heard him. You swore he could feel the heat coming from your face.

“Me too Ed.” you say to him. His eyes were so piercing, like they could knock you out with just a glance. You wanted to get closer to him. You scooted just a bit closer to him, he definitely noticed this.

Ed got closer your face, you could feel his warm breath against your ear.

“You so cute when your embarrassed, my dear.” He said in Alastor’s voice which just made you blush even more. The doorbell went off, alerting him that the food was here. He smiled as he got up, putting on his mask then opening the door.

You could hear small exchange of conversation between the guy at the door and Ed. Eventually the conversation exchange between them ended and Ed came back in with a box of pizza and a smaller cardboard box. You got up happily to claim your pizza. Ed set the box on the pizza down on the counter, the turned around to get some paper plates.

“Tenny’s pizza?” You asked him. He sighed.

“The only not horrible take out pizza around here.” He said opening the lid. The smell of grease came from the box.

“Bad or not, it smells good!” You say to him grabbing 2 slices and placing it on your plate. You saw the small box next to it. You could smell it. Your eyes lit up as your mouth watered.

“You got cinnamon breadsticks?!” You asked excitedly opening the box and smelling it with glory.

“Of course. I know it’s your favorite” he answers grabbing a couple slices for himself. Out of the 6 breadsticks you got 3 of them.

“I’m surprised you remembered that I love those.” You say to him as he follows you to the couch and flops down next to you. You brought up your legs and sat criss crossed on the couch.

“Ed what do you want to watch?” You asked him. He shrugged

“I would say something sports like but I don’t think you would like that.” He said. You chewed your food then answered him.

“Well I’m sure we can find a movie that we both would like.” You say to him trying to compromise for a movie.

“How about a classic movie? Like The Princess Bride or The Sixth Sense?” You ask him. He nods in agreement. It clicked in your head.

“What about the sandlot! A classic and a sport movie!” You say to him happily. He smiles.

“Sounds good to me!” He said. You started the movie up. You sat there happily eating your cinnamon breadstick, then sat back and relaxed when you finished the last part of it.

Okay (y/n) now is the time to snuggle up by him. We are watching a movie. Now is the time!

You think to yourself. You stealthy slither your hand under is arm then intertwined his fingers with yours. You didn’t see it but Ed had a gentle smile across his face.

“If you wanted to cuddle you could have just asked me.” He said to you. You blush but take up up on the offer scooting closer to him, laying your head on his shoulder. He shifted his body so you were more in a comfortable position to cuddle him.

You told yourself you wouldn’t fall asleep but you found yourself with your eyes Drooping, wanting to go into slumber. You fell asleep with ease.

When you woke up again you were in the arms of Ed. He held you like his life depended on it. You see him sleep so peacefully. Like he was where he needed to be which was with you.

You laid back down, your head on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, the beat of his heart was like a melody that put you to sleep.

You fell asleep knowing that Ed was your safe place. He was your home. That because of that fateful night you were together.

#hunicast #ed bosco #edbosco #ashley nichols art #hunicast x reader #hazbin hotel #michael kovach #ed bosco x reader #dave capdevielle #ed ballsco #hunibun #alastor

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aion-rsa · 4 years

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The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies

https://ift.tt/3lZGPFt

Technicolor lights are about to illuminate every other home in the neighborhood; carolers are marching through the streets; even that old tree in Rockefeller is shining brightly.

For some folks, that’s enough to make you want to grab an axe. But don’t do that. Watch demented men dressed as Santa Claus or a demon Krampus indulge your Anti-Christmas sentiments with maximum gore. Indeed, this list isn’t about the most charming, heartwarming, or schmaltzy Christmas viewing traditions. Nah, this is about the 20 grossest, nastiest, and all around most fun Christmas horror movies. The kind where the greatest gift you’re going to get on Christmas morning is escaping with your life and maybe some psychological triggers whenever you see jolly men in red suits.

Yep, these are the very best Christmas horror movies. Ho. Freaking. Ho.

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Almost certainly one of the sweetest, most positive, and upbeat Christmas movies on the list is this wonderful feel good musical romance from director John McPhail, which also happens to be a zombie movie. It follows a group of friends in a small Scottish town who are just about to finish school and are making plans for the future when a zombie outbreak lands.

Incredibly catchy tunes which take inspiration from Buffy musical episode Once More With Feeling, mix with inventive festive kills – zombie snowman decapitation is a highlight – in a way that manages not to tonally jar. It’s mostly thanks to the super-likeable performances of the young cast, headed up by Ella Hunt, and the teenage troubles, romances, and heartbreak which form the backdrop of the movie. Paul Kaye also pops up as the school’s tyrannical headmaster – his musical numbers aren’t the best but he brings cartoon villain energy to an unusual but rather adorable Christmas horror that’s way better than you might expect.

– Rosie Fletcher

Better Watch Out (2016)

Home Alone is surely one of the most popular and iconic Christmas movies of all time, though it is not, of course, a horror. However, if it was, it would look something like Better Watch Out, a slick reinvention of the home invasion sub-genre. Olivia DeJonge plays babysitter Ashley, who attempts to protect her charge, 12-year-old Luke (Levi Miller), when they are threatened by intruders in his home. But all is not as it seems.

DeJonge and Miller spar beautifully in a movie which plays with gender and coming of age tropes and includes handfuls of gruesome set pieces, while Ed Oxenbould brings comic relief. This is clever, funny and gruesome stuff from director Chris Peckover which might not become a new Christmas tradition but should definitely be watched at least once.

– Rosie Fletcher

Black Christmas (1974)

Getting stabbed by a unicorn head to the tune of carolers singing “Silent Night” is probably not how you want to spend Christmas Eve. This pre-Scream holiday slasher claims its victims in a sorority house haunted by creepy phone calls (sans ghost mask), demonic noises, bodies eerily shrouded in plastic wrap, and one perverse killer whose voice alone is enough to freeze your blood.

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When an unidentified caller keeps harassing your entire sorority house with obscene things you can only half-understand (because he sounds like a deranged Donald Duck that laughs like the Joker), you should run even if it is 10 degrees outside. The blizzard of murders keeps raging with one victim dragged screaming by a hook, and another bludgeoned to death. Never mind the one suffocated by plastic wrap and left next to the window like the vacant face of a doll staring out into the night. You’ll hardly sleep in heavenly peace after this one.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out) (1980)

In his one and only film as writer/director, Lewis Jackson crafted a smart and clever black comedy that’s more character study than straight horror film. John Waters insists it’s a comedy about a closeted transvestite (of a sort), but it’s much more than that—it’s the Taxi Driver of Yuletide shockers. Brandon Maggart plays a man who takes Christmas way too seriously. His home is filled with bright holiday decorations all year-round while Christmas carols are playing on the stereo. Santa is his role model, a symbol of all that is good and just in the world. He even works at a toy factory.

He so identifies with Santa, he takes to spying on the neighbor kids, keeping his own carefully annotated naughty and nice lists. But when he recognizes the level of cynicism and hypocrisy among his co-workers, bosses, and the people around town as the most joyous time of the year approaches, well, he goes a little funny in the head. He reaches for the suit and beard and axe, determined to reward the good and punish the evil.

Maggart has since tried to desperately distance himself from the film, but he gives a remarkable performance here as a completely isolated figure with a head swimming with both joy and rage. In the end, the film remains king of the sub-subgenre. Screw It’s a Wonderful Life and Rudolph. Apart from Blast of Silence and Invasion U.S.A., Christmas Evil is the only holiday film I watch annually.

– Jim Knipfel

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

Admittedly, a number of horror-based Christmas movie have gone with the anthology angle for their storytelling. Hell, this isn’t even the only anthology film on this list. A Christmas Horror Story may not be on a lot of people’s radar, but it’s a worthy installment that goes to some unusual places purely because both the Christmas and anthology playgrounds have gotten so bloated at this point. This film also benefits from being executed by a cabal of directors who are responsible for directing some of the best horror movies to come out of Canada in passing years, such as Splice, the Black Christmas remake, and the Ginger Snaps trilogy.

A Christmas Horror Story deliciously uses a radio DJ (William Shatner) as the connective tissue that holds together the four stories that comprise the film. Parables on ghost possession, clone doppelgangers, Krampus, and zombie elves all get their due here. The film also has a pretty inspired ending that actually casts the picture in a whole new light. It’s got Santa Claus fighting Krampus. What’s not to like?

– Daniel Kurland

Dead of Night (1945)

Never play hide and go seek in a house where someone was murdered. While it might be best known for Michael Redgrave’s night-terror-inducing ventriloquist dummy scene that sparked the phobia of possessed puppets, Dead of Night also invites you to a Christmas party with a spectral guest. Spacecase Sally’s genuine terror at realizing what she thinks she saw is what she really saw will forever have you second-guessing shadows creeping in the cold.

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What is obvious in this scene—encroaching darkness and shadows looming over what a place you know is haunted without ever having to hear the big reveal—is hardly as chilling as what is not so obvious until the truth silently materializes. The ghost of the little boy plays hide-and-seek with the other children as if warm blood courses through his veins. Unlike many stereotypical see-through phantoms of the era, this one doesn’t have that telltale translucence which would set off a chorus of screams. Being almost disturbingly normal is exactly what makes him so terrifying.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

Eyes Wide Shut was the non-denominational star at the top of Stanley Kubrick’s Christmas tree. Originally conceived as a Woody Allen vehicle, it almost starred Steve Martin after Allen insisted on reading the script from right to left. It is as much a cautionary tale as Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, bringing the whole family together with a different Christmas tree in almost every frame.

Kubrick pours on the cheer from the opening sequence at the Christmas party where the first gifts are unwrapped, and oh boy are they unwrapped. Bill Harford, played by Tom Cruise, dives right into the muffled spirit of giving after he performs a more than charitable deed for the party’s host, played by Sydney Pollack.

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Harford spends most of the film looking for the perfect gift like a slow motion version of Jingle All the Way, rushing around from New York City’s famous toy repository FAO Schwartz to downtown specialty shops, to the suburbs, where he can find collectors’ editions. Cruise pays Harford like a wooden windup toy, and not a particularly cute one, either. In spite of all the colorful lights and trips above and below the rainbow, Harford just can’t get into the Christmas spirit. He’s not even moved by the uplifting seasonal tunings of “I Want a Boy for Christmas” by the Del-Vettes. He recovers his seasonal facilities while humming along to the chant during the climactic illuminati sex party, though! The song is actually “Here Comes Santa Claus” sung backwards in Latin, adding more menace to the proceedings than Silas Barnaby brought to Toyland in The March of the Wooden Soldiers.

– Tony Sokol

Gremlins (1984)

Santa doesn’t exist… unless it’s your father in a red suit who met his untimely end trying to slide down the chimney with a sack of presents before getting stuck. Don’t tell that to the innocent bat-like ears of a harmless (for now) Mogwai. It’s exactly the kind of story you expect to hear while hunkering down in the shadows with a flashlight while a bunch of leathery green things with too many teeth ransack the neighborhood.

And as for Santa? That smell coming from the fireplace weeks later was no dead cat. Worst. Christmas story. Ever.

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This movie should be on every hardcore horror fan’s holiday playlist just for the musical monstrosity of those reptilian things decked out in Santa hats and earmuffs singing “Deck the Halls” at the neighbors’ door, sheet music and all. This is continuing proof that animals have a sixth sense, because her yowling cat senses something off about the voices warbling “Joy to the World” outside. She’s right to have an aversion to Christmas carolers.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Holidays (2015)

There have been so many holiday-themed horror films at this point—reaching Christmas and going far, far beyond that—so why not make an anthology film that takes that idea to the extreme? Holidays hits the expected staples such as Christmas, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day, but part of the fun here is how holidays with lesser expectations like Easter or St. Patrick’s Day deliver some truly horrifying content (seriously, the St. Patrick’s Day segment is disturbing, bonkers chaos).

The Christmas segment comes courtesy of Scott Stewart (Legion) and has Seth Green trying to survive the holiday as he attempts to get his son the perfect gift. Stewart’s installment feels very reminiscent of a Black Mirror episode with virtual reality, consumerism, and the dangers of mob mentality all playing their part here.

A lot of these anthology films also try to bank off of the name recognition and notoriety of the assembled directors, but Holidays proudly features a collection of mostly fresh faces (although Kevin Smith and Starry Eye’s Kevin Kolsch contribute segments). It’s fun to discover a bunch of new blossoming talents here.

– Daniel Kurland

Jack Frost (1997)

This ain’t the cringeworthy father/son bonding vehicle starring Michael Keaton. No, this is the Jack Frost where the killer snowman’s nose functions as both a killing tool and a device to sexually assault his victims. All square? But hey, at the least the film isn’t afraid to ride its ridiculous premise as hard as possible.

First of all, an actual killer named Jack Frost crashes into a truck of “genetics material” that causes him to transform into this cold abomination in the first place. That sets the tone pretty nicely for the abundant murders, sex, and plot holes that plague the town of Snowmonton (yup). It’s hard to believe that this film got made, with all of the visuals being some real spectacles that you don’t typically see in the horror genre.

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Jack Frost is the perfect Christmas horror film to shut your brain off and watch, or the title that you should be selecting right in the middle of your deep eggnog haze. It’s utter nonsense, but it knows that it is and has tons of fun with itself. We need more talented individuals trying to tap into the killer snowman subgenre. There’s still a true classic waiting to come to life here.

– Daniel Kurland

Krampus (2015)

Morbidly funny in its anti-holiday sarcasm and ridiculous demons, Krampus is like a mashup of the Griswolds, the Grinch, and every mythical beast that has ever been rumored to devour children on the naughty list. You’d rather get coal in your stocking than a killer jack-in-the-box jump scare… or find chilling hoof prints in the snow that are definitely not from Rudolph.

Krampus is one Yuletide monster actually worse than the Grinch. The grisly inspiration for this tale is a Germanic one about a hairy, horned, and cloven-hooved demon who stuffs naughty children in his sack and either beats them with a wooden switch or eats them (depending on who you ask). Also, his heart won’t grow three sizes from gorging on human flesh, either.

This version of Krampus is also hungry for anyone who’s lost their holiday spirit—whether or not you otherwise qualify for the nice list. Watch this with the lights off for the full effect of the power outage that works to the creature’s advantage as he goes hunting for holiday nonbelievers. Kids, don’t scorn Santa or Krampus will come to collect you.

– Elizabeth Rayne

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

There are some of us who know this movie verbatim and to the point where we will shamelessly break out singing “This is Halloween” and raise Jack’s quasi-Shakespearean monologue from the dead even in the middle of July. Or keep warning people that tragedy’s at hand. Or correct anyone who says there are 365 days until next Halloween by growling “364!” The stop-motion animation saga of the talking skeleton turned “Sandy Claws” bewitched an entire generation of ‘90s kids.

Even people who hate Halloween will stare with delight and awe when Jack’s skull bursts out of a snowdrift, and he first puts colored lights in his eye sockets and explores every “what’s this?” in Christmas Town like a spook in a coffin shop. You just can’t help but love the adventurous skeleton, even if he does end up making haunted houses out of people’s living rooms on Christmas Eve. Whether you’d rather be making Christmas with strangely somber carols, reanimated reindeer or toys that bite back, it’s now an officially unofficial holiday classic.

– Elizabeth Rayne

P2 (2007)

On the sillier end of the Christmas horror spectrum comes P2, a film named after a section in a parking lot, starring Wes Bentley and Rachel Nichols. She’s a business woman trapped in a multi-story parking garage on Christmas Eve, he’s the insane Security Guard who’s obsessed with her and really wants her to try his festive eggnog, so to speak.

Camp and gory, this is the directorial debut of Franck Khalfoun who would follow it up with a remake of Maniac. The movie was co-written by Alexandre Aja who made one of the greatest cat-and-mousers ever in Switchblade Romance. The set up is formulaic, perhaps, but the game performances and relentlessness of the action makes this worthwhile. And if that’s not enough check out a deranged Bentley dressed as Santa, for the angel on the top of the Christmas tree.

– Rosie Fletcher

Rare Exports (2010)

There couldn’t possibly be a more sinister place to search for Santa’s ancient burial mound than in the frigid depths of Lapland. It’s the same supposedly enchanted place Dick van Dyke hiked to in the search for Santa in an ‘80s musical Christmas special, except this time you won’t find him in a cozy cottage with stockings hung by the chimney with care. You won’t find the guy in red from the mall, but anything that takes a disembodied pig’s head as bait couldn’t possibly be jingle-belling on a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer, especially when he seems to have a ravenous appetite for said reindeer.

This time, “the spirit of the season” is literally the most malicious Christmas spirit that has ever terrorized the Yuletide. Even if you watch the whole thing in Finnish and don’t understand a word except the screaming, the ghost of the child in you that really did believe there was a guy in the North Pole will be forever traumatized. This glaze-eyed zombie incarnation of Mr. Claus doesn’t laugh like a bowl full of jelly. You better watch out, indeed.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Santa Claws (1996)

You do have to wonder what happened to John Russo along the line. 30 years after co-writing Night of the Living Dead, he came up with this decidedly sleazy but sadly unoriginal wonderment, which was much more focused on boobs than Yuletide butchery. In what by that point had become a battered cliché of the Slasher Santa subgenre, a young boy named Wayne (Grant Kramer) sees his mom having sex with a man wearing a Santa hat (!), and so murders them both. I’m not exactly sure how this transference would work in Freudian terms, but when he gets older, he a) becomes obsessed with a low-budget scream queen named Raven (played by low-budget scream queen Debbie Rochon) and b) decides he’s Santa.

As you might imagine, stalking someone when you’re wearing a Santa suit is no mean feat, but Wayne gives it his best shot. Most of the film, however, focuses on Raven and her extended family as she gets undressed a lot and wonders not only why that creep in the Santa suit keeps showing up everywhere, but why everyone around her keeps dying in a particularly bloody fashion. It can feel like there are two films going on here, a by-the-numbers stalker/slasher movie and a holiday horror film, which leaves me thinking Russo had one of them in mind, but after some eight-year-old smarty-pants came up with that clever “Santa Claws” pun, well, he just had to run with it.

– Jim Knipfel

Santa’s Slay (2005)

Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people. Hence why you can’t not watch a holiday horror flick in which Santa is the Antichrist, sentenced to 1,000 years of delivering gifts after losing a curling match with an angel, and played by former pro wrestler Bill “Who’s Next?” Goldberg.

As the only son of Satan (you know what they say about rearranging the letters in that name) whose grim legend is immortalized in the Book of Claus, he can now at last spread Christmas fear with weapons, karate kicks, hand grenades, exploding presents, and his own perverse idea of what “Ho ho ho” should really mean. Them’s the breaks once the bet’s terms are done.

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Santa’s methods of murder are fiendishly festive—to say the least. There is no naughty or nice list when it comes to an insatiable appetite for violence. He even knocks out poseurs in red suits and drives a sleigh with a rocket engine like it’s the Batmobile. Mall Santas everywhere are shaking in their pleather boots.

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Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Naughty children get punished with more than just a stocking full of coal in this Christmas chiller. Just the opening scene with all those empty-eyed animatronic toys haunting a window display after-hours should tell you that this is not a movie that’s going to end in visions of sugarplums. Forget that it’s supposed to be the season of all things magical. Those things can be more terrifying than every single plastic skeleton and gaping zombie mask you’ll ever see in a haunted house around Halloween.

You’d better watch out for that psycho in the red suit who grabs a hatchet off the wall as if it was his bag full of toys and packs an automatic pistol in his fur-lined pocket, murdering misbehaving kids he’s been watching undercover of shadow. This sadistic Santa clearly doesn’t believe in sliding down chimneys—and the only red he’s interested in wearing is the blood of innocents. If that won’t convince you to stay awake because he sees you when you’re sleeping, you must be Freddie Krueger.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

Three years after the shit-storm sparked by the original’s ad campaign, some smart cookie decided a sequel was necessary. A tough call there, given most all the principals were killed off pretty thoroughly the first time around, but still, right?

But there was money to be made, so they brought in an untested director (Lee Harry), a mostly untested crew, and a cast of mostly non-professional actors. After a half-dozen writers took a swipe at the script, they came up with a confounding but tepid rehash of the first film. This time around, and mostly in flashback, we learn that after the first killer Santa was sloppily dispatched at the end of Part 1, his brother Ricky becomes determined to uncover what went wrong.

Movies

9 Jolly Santa Slasher Movies

By Jim Knipfel

100 Best Christmas TV Episodes of All Time

By Wesley Mead

He pays a visit to the sadistic Mother Superior at the Catholic asylum where his brother had been kept, and before you can say “ho ho ho,” Ricky ends up donning the red and white suit himself to do a little rampaging, though without nearly half of his brother’s imagination. They even used the same fucking poster design, just slapped a “2” on it. I guess hoping they might raise the same sort of ruckus the first one had. Sadly, it was too late for that.

– Jim Knipfel

Sint (2010)

Dutch director Dick Maas took some early steps toward Krampus territory with his re-imagining of the legend of the warm-hearted Saint Nick. Borrowing heavily from earlier Italian, Spanish, and American horror films, as well as Danish folklore, “Sinterklaas” here was actually a bloodthirsty medieval murderer and all around brute who oversaw a savage reign of terror. Finally fed up with all his nonsense, the ornery local villagers banded together on the night of Dec. 5 and lynched him. As per tradition, however, in the moments before he died Sinterklaas vowed vengeance from beyond the grave, promising to return every 32 years on that very night to do bad and icky things to the villagers’ descendants.

Over the centuries, the story was mainstreamed and soft-pedaled, becoming part of the local folklore. The character of Saint Nick became much more benevolent and child-friendly so as not to scare the wee folk. Then, well, wouldn’t you know it? That anniversary creeps around again, Sinterklaas is true to his word, and Amsterdam turns all bloody, leaving it up to an intrepid teenager named Frank to put a stop to the mayhem.

Movies

The Best Christmas Movie Soundtracks of All Time

By Ivan Radford

The Twilight Zone Marathon: A History of a Holiday Tradition

By Arlen Schumer

A stylish, wicked, and hugely entertaining take on the darker history of a beloved legend. It was also the top grossing film in Denmark in 2010, which either says something about the Danish film industry or the Dutch themselves.

– Jim Knipfel

Tales From the Crypt: And All Through the House (1972)

The Crypt Keeper first emerged as a ghoulish EC Comics horror host in the pages of Tales From the Crypt who crawled onto the big screen in this horror anthology, welcoming unknowing tourists to his catacombs with bony arms open. What the tourists don’t know is that they’re all recently deceased. The invite is to a subterranean story-time in which he unearths the gruesome details of their deaths with a gap-toothed grin. Creatures are obviously stirring when killer wife Joanne is stalked by a homicidal Santa in this warped homage to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas titled (appropriately enough) “… And All Through the House.”

So it is that “O Come All Ye Faithful” is interrupted while playing on the radio by a scratchy warning of a homicidal maniac run amok. And wouldn’t you just know it, this occurs right as Joan Collins is offing her husband with a shot to the head—and then realizes she has to dismember the body before cashing in on his life insurance. Her blissfully naïve daughter lets the killer jolly old elf in, shrieking that Santa finally came before he erupts into psychopathic rage. Clement C. Moore must be turning in his grave.

– Elizabeth Rayne

The Wolf of Snow Hollow

Certainly less purely Christmas-y than other entries on this list, The Wolf of Snow Hollow is nonetheless a wintry delight set during the holiday season. Carols play ominously in the background during key moments, and the immaculately snowy white setting of Snow Hollow, Utah is broken only by splashes of color from lights on homes and Christmas trees. Oh yes, and the blood of the titular werewolf’s victims.

Movies

The Wolf of Snow Hollow Review: A Quirky Werewolf Movie

By Don Kaye

Movies

13 Must-See Werewolf Movies

By Mike Cecchini

Jim Cummings’ film is heavy on cozy, ski town holiday atmosphere without leaning on its actual Christmastime setting at all. But good werewolf movies are a rare breed indeed these days, and a werewolf movie set at Christmas? Well…now you know what to watch when the moon is full each December

Mike Cecchini

Got any other suggestions for Christmas horror movies that we missed? Let us know in the comments!

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years

Text

ZEP S1 END SPOILERS

SPOILERS FOR UPCOMING EPISODES/END OF SEASON

for ZOEY’S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST (NBC)

EPISODE TITLES & SUMMARIES

1x10 Zoey’s Extraordinary Outburst

Air date: Sunday, April 19th

Summary: Zoey surprisingly finds herself getting into major conflict with Simon, Max, Mo and even Howie. Tensions arise at SPRQ Point when the 4h and 6th floors compete over an important piece of code. Mitch and Maggie try to celebrate their anniversary.

#Drkpoint #4thFloorVS6thFloor #SingOff #MaxToTheMax

Songs: “The Boy is Mine” by Monica & Brandy [Team 4th Floor/Joan VS Team 6th Floor/Ava] & “Here I Go Again” by Whitesnake [Max] & TBA [choreo!] + songs by: Al Green, Ed Sheeran, “Icona Pop” & "Tears for Fears” (reprise)

1x11 Zoey’s Extraordinary Mother

Air date: Sunday, April 26th, 2020

Summary: Zoey has to figure out a clever way to help her mother with an impossible decision. Max unexpectedly bonds with Leif. Mo hits a rough-patch with Eddie.

#ZoeysDad #MaxAndLeif (wait..what?) #famousgueststars #ZoeyAndJoanGirlsNightOut #KaraokeNight #surprisingsongchoices

Songs: "Bye Bye Bye” by N’Sync [Max +]; “All Out of Love” by “Air Supply” [Leif]; “Felling Good” by Nina Simone [the widow AKA Bernadette Peters’ character], “We’ve Gotta get Out of This Place” by “The Animals [by Maggie], “Issues” by Julia Michaels [Mo #whatavoice] + Songs by: Billy Ray Cyrus, Montell Jordan, The Young Bloods. #canyouguessthesongnow

1x12 Zoey’s Extraordinary Dad (S1 Finale)

Air date: Sunday, May 3rd

Summary: After hearing an ominous song (”BMR”) Zoey does everything in her power to stop something bad from happening.

#ZoeysDad #ZoeyAndMitchDance #TeamSong #LoveTriangleCOMEDY #howdidtheyfitsomuchintoonesingleepisodeagain #wewillseesomefamiliarfacesagain Yes, some of the guest character we’ve seen earlier this season, are back. And yes, there is quite a bit of Max (and Max/Clarkeman’s) in this episode...for those of us, who are fans of Z/M.

Songs: "Bad Moon Rising” by Creedence Clearwater Revival (Zoey), “I Will Follow Him” by Little Peggy March (by Mo....about Eddie), "All of Me” by John Legend [Max], "Jealous” by Nick Jonas [Simon], “Goodbye My Angel/Lullaby” by Billy Joel [Mitch & David] & "American Pie” [Team Song/Cast of ZEP] #reprisetime “True Colours” + a few more surprises (by Max, by Maggie] PS. NO OTHER SONGS WILL BE REVEALED BEFPRE THE EPSIODE HAS AIRED....AS THEY WOULD REVEAL TOO MUCH ABOUT THE PLOT.

SPOILER QUOTES:

NEW!

“Well, Simon is back from Vegas in ep 12/S1 Finale. He comes back to see Max and Zoey in a way that he’s a little bit surprised about, where they’re doing something that he thought was very much their own thing. So that takes Simon by surprise. And then Zoey starts to see Max in a new light in this episode, and by seeing Max in this new light, it ends up taking their relationship into a surprise direction. Zoey’s relationships with both Max and Simon actually get to a new point over the course of Episode 12.” - Austin Winsberg #cheesequake #whosawthatcoming

**********************************************

NEW!

S1 finale of ZEP features a 7-minute scene that was captured in a single shot (aka “a oner”). “We rehearsed it for two weeks leading up to the shooting of it. It required massive coordination amongst many different departments in order to get it right, and it’s probably the number — or certainly one of the numbers — that I’m most proud of all season.” - teases showrunner Austin Winsberg.

**********************************************

NEW!

“I don’t know how Zoey would end up singing again...anymore” [In S2...after that one time in 1x08 during her glitch] - Jane [”Oh, right...” - Skylar] Skylar & Jane IG Live

hmmm... what does this mean? Why “can’t” she sing anymore after S1? Is it cause there’s no “dad’s declining health” reason? Is it cause she has no voice/ability to speak anymore? Is it cause...

**********************************************

NEW!

Question: What is the scoop on Zoey and Max from Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist? I’m dying to know if these two have chance of being together by the Season 1 finale. What is in store for them? –Ashley Answer: I delivered your Q to Austin Winsberg, creator of the NBC freshman, and he wrote back, “Zoey and Max’s relationship will continue to evolve and change in surprising ways for the rest of this season and beyond. By the end of Episode 12 (airing in early May), I believe Zoey and Max fans will feel like these two have been on a real journey together — and also that their journey is, in fact, just beginning.”

**********************************************

“On top of the health issues with her father, Zoey's also got two other men in her life who were already making her life complicated even before she finds herself uncontrollably singing her emotions. Some particular musical numbers in ep 1x08 result in some awkward conversations with engaged coworker Simon and BFF Max, continuing this rocky romantic journey Jane's been on all season, though Levy thinks they're both being a little unfair. "She will continue to go down both roads, and you know, they are different roads, and one I think is messier than the other," she says. "In my opinion, I'm kind of like, give Zoey a break. Why does she have to choose anything? She never promised anything to these people, she hasn't broken any promises. She's like dealing with extremely stressful and painful moments in her life and like these men need to give her a goddamn break." It doesn't sound like they will be giving her a break anytime soon, but Levy did tease a finale number between Zoey and Max that is "sweet, funny, sexy" and the audience is going to lose their minds over it.” - Jane

**********************************************

“Zoey is someone who is not in touch with her feelings or is constantly running away from her feelings or burying her true feelings so she can be good at her job or not make things fall apart with her awkward personality. So for me, with each of these songs, the “Zoe-ality” had to be a deep desire [but] then when you cut back to reality, you’re back to Zoey covering up her feelings, being the Type A coder girl who’s just trying to solve problems and doesn’t want to really admit what’s going on inside of her, whether it’s her crush on her best friend or wanting to have sex with a coworker or knowing her boss did something unethical.” - Jane

**********************************************

“You’ll get a lot more from both relationships (Z/M & Z/S..after 1x08). There will be a lot more intimacy between Zoey & Simon, and Zoey & Max. And there is a number in our finale that was one of my favorite things we did and it involves one of them. It is a love scene with two musical numbers and it’s funny and sexy and really cute all at the same time.” - Jane

**********************************************

“We never wanting to make it (Simon vs Max) feel like a competition or a choice. Because that doesn't only preserve our characters, but it really protects Zoey. Zoey is nobody's prize and she's nobody's to claim or win over. So we do love the idea that there's a Team Max and Team Simon thing. But we tend to, when in performance, really take care of each other. There are scenes that Simon and Max have down the line and they have some difficult conversations. There's an obvious way to play all those scenes; they can be sizing each other up, looking at each other up and down, a game-on type of mentality. John and I have never seen it that way.” - Skylar

**********************************************

“What I love about Max and Zoey is that even though she's pressured in that moment, she still does feel like she can tell Max. I think that that says a lot about their friendship and about their relationship. There's only very few people that know about this superpower that she has. It's very brave and daring of her to do that. The cards are out on the table now; she can't ever make any excuses for why she's acting a certain way towards him. It's really bold.” - Skylar

**********************************************

“There's two ways of seeing it [Z telling M about her powers]. There's, "Oh my God, thank you so much for telling me. Now everybody knows and everybody can live happily ever after." Or there's the feeling of, "Wow, there's been a betrayal. You're telling me you knew all this stuff?" As Zoey begins to let people in on her powers throughout the season, it's going to be interesting to see what people are really there for her and are understanding, and what people can't handle this new information.” - Skylar

**********************************************

“While Levy won't reveal how Zoey's heart songs change things for her moving forward, she does tease that this episode [1x08] is going to have far-reaching ramifications, but not in the way you might expect. "It turns out to be positive," she says. "A lot of our show’s message is that we are all the same, the human condition is complex but we’re all going through it together. You don’t know what the person beside you is going through but you might actually relate to their pain or desires. Zoey admitting these things that are so horrific to her actually makes people understand her in this way that she doesn’t allow when she’s being her emotionally awkward, neurotic self. And Zoey going through this will make her even more empathetic and compassionate to other people’s experiences, especially when she hears their heart songs moving forward." - Jane

**********************************************

“One thing that we can tease is that we have two big Broadway Tony-winners coming in, in the next few episodes. Renée Elise Goldsberry from Hamilton plays Joan’s work rival, and Bernadette Peters comes in, in Episode 11, as an unexpected help to the family. The love triangle between Zoey, Max and Simon continues to evolve, in unexpected ways. And we have one number, at the end of Episode 12, that’s a six and a half or seven minute long one-take oner that is the thing I’m probably most proud of, all season.”- Austin

**********************************************

“There is one number in which I sing one verse and that’s it after this. [read: after ep 1x08, where Zoey sings all the songs]” - Jane

**********************************************

"You will see her go down both roads and there are some fun intimate numbers, musical numbers between Zoey and Simon. And there’s some between Zoey and Max as well. I really like how Austin has crafted this “love triangle.” Can’t give away much more than that.” - Jane

**********************************************

IN SHORT:

More people are gonna find out about the power...MAYBE in S1...maybe...LATER ;)

The next/last weeks of Zoey’s dad’s life, and all that goes with it

Max/Zoey finale moments...and moments leading to that... (but also Z/S scenes...)

SOURCES:

2: The Futon Critic

2: IMDB

3: E! Online - ‘ZEP’ Finally Puts Jane Levy In the Musical Hot Seat

4: Variety - Jane Levy on ‘Panic’ & Jim Carrey as Inspiration for Special ‘ZEP’ Episode

5. ET - Skylar Astin Dishes on the Magic of 'ZEP' and a Realistic Love Triangle

6. EW - Jane Levy on filming 'most raw, vulnerable, honest' ZEP episode yet

7. Collider - ‘ZEP’ Showrunner Previews Zoey-Centric Episode

8. The Playlist - Jane Levy discusses the difficulty of ainging 6 different songs in 1 ‘ZEP’ episode

9. TV Line: Matts Inside Line - TV scoop [April 17th]

10. TV Line: As Ausiello - 4 Bonus Scoops [May 1st]

11. TV Line: ‘ZEP’ EP Previews Emotional Finale, Surprising Love Triangle Twists [May 1st]

12. Extra TV: Jane Levy & Skylar Astin Tease ‘ZEP’ S1 Finale [May 1st] VIDEO

ALSO: The previous epsiodes, and some things in episode 1x11 (some lines/scenes), and some things in 1x12 promo reveal quite a bit. Same goes to inetrviews (written articles, video “interviews” with cast. They have actually revealed quite a bit...if you paid attention. Or...if you didn’t, then after watching the finale, as you look back... you might realize they showed/told you quite a bit already... though I think it won’t be as big of a surprise... (applies to some things in the finale)

#SPOILER #ZEPspoilers #ZEP SPOILER #ZEP #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Clarkeman #Zax #Zoey x Max #Max x Zoey #Team Max #Zomax

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lilteamushroom · 4 years

Text

Hunicast x reader

I don’t know what the fuck this is but here you go. Enjoy.

Your Ben Diskin’s sister who got invited to the Hunicast. She is 3 years younger than her brother. She already fits in perfectly. This is her 3rd Hunicast with the gang.

The stream had been going well. They were raising money for a nearby animal shelter.

She has done the “Oh Ashley” bit already but what comes next caught everyone off guard.

“Oh boy. Dramaqueen77 donated $10 and says “(y/n) are you a top or a bottom?” Michael says with a sigh. (Y/n) chuckes.

“Are you sure you want to answer this?” Dave asks. “I do want to answer this.” You reply. You clear your throat declaring you were going to speak. The stream goes silent, waiting for you to say something.

“Obviously I am a top and take pride in that. Some people I am with try to top me, but when they are with me, they end up on their knees begging for me.” (Y/n) says in a Seductive voice. They were all speechless.

“I mean my dear Ashley, you know that by experience.” You say. Ashley losses her shit and starts making inhuman flustered noises.

“Oh god. What have we done.” Michael sighs. Elsie giggles in the background.

“I think she broke Ashley.” Ed comments.

“I could break you.” (Y/n) replies to him.

“No the hell you can’t.” Ed says.

“Is that a challenge, Bosco?” You ask him. He clears his throat.

“Yes it is.” He says in a raspy deep voice.

“The fuck is happening.” Ashley asks.

“Ed and (y/n) are having a top off.” Dave answers.

“I will let you know I won’t settle to be a bottom.” (Y/n) says

“I won’t back down.” Ed replies.

“I would like this bit to end.” Michael says.

“What bit?” Ed and (y/n) says at the same time.

“Don’t fuckin copy me.” Ed says.

“It wouldn’t be original of me.” (Y/N) snaps

Ashley wheezes “this is so fuckin funny.” Ashley says.

“Bosco, you and me tomorrow night. It’s going down.” (Y/n) says.

“Oh so you want to go down?” Ed says seductively.

“Fuck yeah.” (Y/n) reply in a seductive voice back.

“So you admit your a bottom because you’ll be the one down.” Ed asked. You scoff. “Whatever you dummy”

“I’m done. Bye guys.” Dave says.

“A flirt off I see” Michael says.

“Fuck off Michael.” Ed says radiating big middle finger energy.

You giggle as they move on from the bit knowing that he won this battle. He won this fight but the next one, you’ll get that bosco.

#hunicast #edbosco #werewolfed #elsie lovelock #dave capdevielle #ashley nichols art #michael kovach #hazbin hotel #hunicast x reader #HuniCast

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amphtaminedreams · 5 years

Text

S/S 2020 Fashion Month: A Basic, Uneducated Fashion Heaux’s A-Z of Everything Noteworthy (Part 2/3)

Hi to anyone reading,

Back at it again with the giving my unsolicited opinion on 2020′s spring/summer offering, I’m gonna hop straight into part 2 of my fashion month review!

Sorry to start with an underwhelming few but my compulsive tendencies are making it really hard to break out of this alphabetical structure (cry laughs whilst thinking about how long it took me to face up at my retail job last night because it would give me vaguely homicidal urges and make my fingers tingle every time a customer moved something slightly out of line), so I’m gonna whizz through a handful of collections. First up, Halpern:

Not much to say but I’m envious of the heavy liner (my hooded eyes could never) and I like the colour scheme. As for the 80s style metallic pink dress?

Helmut Lang:

And Hermes:

Of these 3 collections, Hermes is definitely the most interesting. I like the colour scheme and the utilitarian shapes and the tan coloured jackets are an absolute shoot. This is how you make safari look fresh, D&G take note.

Isabel Marant was okay. It’s cute, sure, reminds me of something Mary-Kate and Ashley would’ve come out with/worn in the 2000s, and there’s definitely some things I would wear, but I wouldn’t say it looks all that luxury. Pricey, sure, but like, Free People pricey, not designer pricey. As a collection, it’s not all that conceptual, unless the concept is L.A girl does a Starbucks run after her bikram yoga class. What I will say though is that some of the S/S 2020 commercial trends are becoming clear: white cheesecloth pieces, peasant blouses, cowboy boots, scrappy sandals, neutral tones, and bandana print.

Now onto the darling of high fashion Twitter: Jacquemus.

As far as presentation goes, this has to be one of my favourite set-ups of the season; a hot pink runway running through a lavender meadow is as canny and serene as those who sing the praises of Simon Porte Jacquemus would have you expect, and the clothes were easy, breezy and beautiful, even if there is an element of getting dressed in the dark going on with the styling which put me off including a few otherwise gorgeous pieces. It might not be 100% my style but you can tell this is a brand of the future which is only going to go from strength to strength.

And everything was beautifully and purposefully crafted on the runway with J.W Anderson this year. The pieces are graceful and timeless whilst still easy to envision as something a modern woman would throw on to (very fashionably) run some errands in the city. This was also one of the handful of shows (IIRC! This might be a case of extreme deja-vu!) where we saw the sandal straps tied over the trousers, I’m guessing to accentuate the ankles, and...I’m surprisingly here for it? Though in a sense it kinda resembles when I accidentally get my work trousers tucked into my slipper socks, it’s an interesting touch and adds a bit of a shape to otherwise billowing bottom halves.

Following Jacquemus’ lead (or vice versa, I’m way too deep into this fashion month haze to work out who went first at this point), Lacoste also put on a co-ed show. Otherwise crisp and preppy as per, the neckerchiefs (even if seeing them all next to one another does give off a bit of a Disneyland Main Street barbershop quartet vibe) and vinyl/wet-look/PVC/I’m still not sure what differentiates the 3 coats were an out of the box touch for them and I really liked it. It’s athleisure, but more like something Hayley Bieber would’ve worn as part of her Princess Diana inspired shoot than anything I’d wear to the gym.

LMAO, as if I go the gym. But you get my point. Next, Loewe:

Delicate, feminine and all around delightful, the S/S 2020 Loewe collection is up there with Chloe and Brock when it comes to most spring appropriate. More chiffon, lace and doily-like detailing, please, the old woman in me lives for this kinda thing made fashionable. Like with J.W Anderson, you can tell the design team wanted to do something different without just throwing shit onto their pieces for the sake of being wacky, and so we end up with these dramatic, slightly geometric waistlines and almost angelic Victorian nightgown inspired dresses that kinda make me wished that 1). ghosts existed and that 2). I lived back in that era so I could die some tragic death wearing any one of the dresses on the left in the top 3 rows and then haunt the shit out of everyone. That would really be an iconic fashion moment. Also wonderful, imo, was Louis Vuitton:

The mix between 60s and Edwardian I never knew I needed, as opposed to Gucci’s forward thinking take on the former decade, Louis Vuitton takes it back even further and throws in late 19th/early 20th century structures and references. I adore the what seems to be a mix between brocade and paisley print and the exaggerated collars are a very cute touch. The jacket on the top left is a highlight, a more neutral version of the similar catsuit seen at the Longchamp show (I couldn’t personally pick enough highlights from that to include it), and I now more than ever really want to try and pull off a sweater vest. The shoes might not be the most exciting thing ever but they’re also a personal favourite, from the knee high boots to the loafers with the LV moniker.

Maison Margiela was very cool and again, I’m in love with the shoes and just the accessories in general, ESPECIALLY those hats. I don’t know if I’m way off base here but this show is almost a modernised, fashionable version of a 1940s period drama about WW2 pilots and evacuees. Yes, maybe I am just getting that solely from the trench coats and the naval influences and the exaggerated collars but I think with that list I made quite a case for that perspective, right? Right.

And completing this holy trinity (appropriating the term I usually reserve for Emma Watson, Emma Stone and Emma Roberts is not without careful consideration) is Marc Jacobs. One of my ultimate favourites of this season, this collection is absolutely EVERYTHING: kitschy, dream-like, whimsical, over-the-top, and totally appropriate for your slightly eccentric aunt who always drinks too much wine and talks a lot of shit every time she comes over for dinner. I really feel like I walked into wonderland looking at this collection, and in the best way possible, it gives me a female Russell Brand in the 2000s’ wardrobe on crack. On the one hand we have these insanely beautiful and ethereal chiffon floral dresses but then we also have fricken top hats. Basically, it’s everything I love about fashion and I don’t know if anything can top it. Periodt (and I type that with a totally straight face).

Next, onto another personal fave, Marchesa:

Which is as always, beautiful. I was going to write that if Disney princesses came to life and lived in the modern world (so, in other words, Elle Fanning), they would be wearing Marchesa and then I remembered that the film Enchanted exists and had a lightbulb moment and thought OH MY GOD IF THEY REMADE THAT IN 2019, THE DRESS ON THE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE ROW WOULD BE A PERFECT LEVELLING UP OF THE CURTAIN DRESS.

Anyways, favourites of the favourites are the bottom row; I would die for that feather trim.

BUT where Marchesa is everything opulent, overly ornate and err-ing on “fussy”, Margaret Howell’s S/S 2020 collection is completely stripped back and just as effective, if not as to my taste. Very cool, very current, and altogether effortless (in a good way!), with this show Margaret Howell made mid-20th century utilitarianism relevant. I never thought I’d be praising the combination of bermuda shorts, crew socks and a beanie and yet here I am. Character development.

Next is Marine Serre:

Which I really like! The bottom row isn’t really to my personal taste but I can acknowledge that if I saw somebody wearing any one of those outfits I’d think they looked sick, and as for the first two rows, those mesh tops and the slightly chintzy florals are right up my alley.

Marques Almeida put out a really strong collection, imo. The blending of luxurious silhouettes and fabrics with street wear inspired prints and styling is a really interesting and unique contrast and if Billie Eilish ever decided to stop wearing those tweenie clothes and wanted to actually seduce somebody’s dad (I LOVE BILLIE EILISH AND I KNOW WHY SHE DRESSES THE WAY SHE DOES, IT’S A JOKE, PLS DON’T HATE ME), I’d love to see her wearing something like this. It’s a blend of punk, urban, and 2019 e-girl and has the kind of edge that Topshop has lost over the past couple of years that used to make it so aspirational to my 13 year old self. Of all the shows, it also probably has the most personally wearable accessories, and a shit tonne of cool make up looks I’d love to try if it weren’t for my lack of visible eyelid, lol.

Make up looks were a highlight of the Max Mara show too, for me anyway.

I otherwise wasn’t hugely keen on the collection, it being a little too matronly/Miss.Trunchbull-esque for my liking (wild card fashion inspiration of 2019, apparently?). The light paisley print dresses are very dreamy, though, and I can never resist a good suit.

As for Michael Kors, dare I say it, but the basic bitch in me loved it. I know as a designer he’s not held in very high regard by the fashion community and I'm not saying it’s at all original but it did what it set out to do well; I mean, it’s quite fitting that he cameo-d in an episode of Gossip Girl because every outfit would be perfect for the Constance attending incarnation of Blair Waldorf, which is probably why I like the collection. Like yeah, it’s a bit of a Polo Ralph Lauren/Lacoste rip off but it’s daintier and more feminine and so I’m not gonna lie, I’m on board with it.

Next, Miu Miu.

One of the collections I was most excited for, I was a little disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, I really like the collection, but I have never once disliked anything Miu Miu and I usually love it. There are things I love about this line too: the cream, floral lace-up boots, the off-the-shoulder cardigans, the houndstooth oversized coats and of course the fur-lined gilets. My mum used to buy me similar ones when I was a little girl and so they give me childhood nostalgia in the best way possible. I mean, the collection is as girly and eccentric as ever. I think it’s just a little too on the primary school librarian side for me, this time round. Sorry Miu Miu xoxo

Now I’m just gonna speed through a couple, starting with MM6 Maison Margiela, the younger sister to the more expensive regular Maison Margiela line:

And Monique Lhuillier:

So that I can get to one of my other ultimate favourite collections for S/S 2020: Moschino.

Oh my god, where to even start. Firstly, I might be reaching, but if this show is even remotely to thank for art nouveau mesh tops showing up in the Urban Outfitters new in section, then a very sarcastic thank you to Jeremy Scott. You just made ethical shopping a lot harder. HOW am I supposed to not buy an Alphonse Mucha top? HOW!? I mean, I’m sure I’ll manage (I’m on month 3 without a shopping spree I can’t actually afford now and yes, I am very much patting myself on the back), but HOW!?

But on a serious level, if renaissance was the print of 2019, which I’m still very much into BTW, bring on modern art as its 2020 replacement. The Pablo Picasso inspired show not only livened up a generally pretty predictable fashion month but it’s also got me searching up other times art has met fashion on the runway and thrown me down a particularly aesthetically pleasing wormhole I’m not sure I ever want to escape from (https://frontrowmagazine.ca/art-inspired-looks-were-all-over-the-runways-of-fashion-week-a74e8bc7ff0d and https://www.vogue.com/article/spring-2017-ready-to-wear-fine-arts-trends are good starting points!).

Mugler was also up there with the best of them, imo:

See, if the Moschino collection was all about dabbling in art class, Mugler’s S/S 2020 collection is its more mathematically inclined sister, all about sharp lines and deconstructed silhouettes and symmetry all whilst looking hot as fuck. So very Mugler, basically.

Now, this reference might be slightly off because I haven’t actually SEEN Ex-Machina yet but I imagine if Kim Kardashian were to channel that movie for a costume party she’d end up wearing something from this collection. That sounds like a roast because Kim has worn some questionable outfits but I blame Kanye for most of that and I’m referring to her on a good fashion day, alright!?

As for Off-White, it’s obviously a lot more commercial than most of the lines I’ve reviewed so far. Like, I can see a lot of these outfits on a mannequin in Urban Outfitters (no, I am not being paid to namedrop them, about 3 people in total read this Tumblr so any kind of sponsorship money would be severely wasted on me). That’s not necessarily a bad thing, and I love all of these looks; it just seems unfair to compare them to the the Mugler or Moschino collections, for example.

The stand outs for me are all on the bottom row: I would buy the utility vest, leather blazer and the all mesh turtleneck under washed-out tie-dye on the spot if I saw them in a high street store. Unfortunately, I feel like that’s kinda where they belong. You just expect collections to be a bit more conceptual, and this one is a little watered down, as much as it’s my style.

Oscar de la Renta was beautiful, of course. Not like I’m shook by how beautiful it is but kinda just what you’d expect from a brand with a name as poetic and fun to say as Oscar de la Renta. The silhouettes are dreamy and the details are as fit for a fairy princess (lmao) as ever. Plus can I just say how happy I am to see butterflies on dresses for adult women again!? And dresses worn by Blanca Padilla nonetheless!? Very here for it.

Next up is another on one of my fashion month highlights: Paco Rabanne.

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, something about this collection (I’m pretty sure it’s the knee high coloured socks) is giving me primary school teacher vibes, but I'm not mad about it. It’d be the kind of teacher who’s actually really good at their job and has loads of cool hobbies and a really hot boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband who you secretly want to be then you grow up/and or have a huge crush on.

Like with Marc Jacobs, there’s obvious flower child elements here, and whilst on the whole the former took my breath away slightly more, this is a lot more wearable. My favourites are the paisley print dress and cape on the left in the very bottom row and all the chainmail pieces (which remind me of the dress Naomi Smalls wore in that whole club ninety-sixxxxx skit on drag race), plus that floral cut out dress with the trailing flute sleeves, which is absolute PERFECTION.

The 70s influence was clear in Peter Pilotto’s S/S 2020 collection too from the abundance of tie-dye to the knit v-neck dress, zany colour and print being the very on-brand focus. That being said, this is definitely more of a street-style inspired collection than usual and whilst the floral suits and dresses on the 3rd row down are very typical Peter Pilotto, the tie-dye corset and combat trousers on the far right, second row from the bottom, are very Jaded London. As for the reoccurrence of the bucket hat, I’ve remained steadfastly against them for several years now (even when our Lord and Saviour Miss Robyn Rihanna Fenty started wearing them) but the way they’re done in this collection even I could definitely get behind; all in all, the show surpassed my expectations.

The same goes for Ports 1961, which was a lot more eccentric than I gathered is the norm from a few google searches. Honestly, I hadn’t really heard of the brand which, upon reading up on it, I feel very dumb for considering it has been around since (in the shock twist of the century) 1961.

Yes, I know how that sounds! But forgive me, I’m still learning:)

Anyway, the fishnet detailing alone pretty much sold the looks I picked out. Seriously, I got a pair of those bloody tights, like, 2 years ago when they became a thing again and now any outfit where I have my legs out feels incomplete without them.

Next is Prabal Gurung, which, as far as presentation goes, was fucking STUNNING:

I mean, you could say that I’m easily impressed and that the presence of the bouquets won me over (and you’d definitely have a point there), but it’s also this year’s Givenchy haute couture-esque feathers, the trailing pearl necklaces, the exaggerated shoulders, the dreamy colouring, the everything looking like it could’ve grown off a very fashionably-inclined tree. Like, there’s a lot to love here, from the naturalistic elements, to the context behind the show, an ode to American fashion history and those cast out of it (and the notion of “being American” in general) for so long.

Going from a high to a (personal) low, however, next we have Prada:

I don’t know, I get that it’s supposed to be simple and stripped back and dignified and whatever and I like the looks I picked but it’s just a bit blah for me. The bonnets that kept cropping up just didn’t do it for me and almost ruined what is an otherwise nice skirt suit (top right). Nonetheless, I like the silhouette of the sheer black dress and the the brocade print suit is really luxurious looking, even if the pattern is a *little* Wetherspoons carpet.

Anyways, here’s a quick overview of Rag and Bone:

So that I can stop moaning and get onto a collection I REALLY liked:

I am of course talking about Ralph and Russo. See, this is kinda what I expected from, like, Chanel and yet it’s Ralph and Russo that delivered. Also, it gives me Alessandra Rich vibes which is very much a compliment considering how much I love her designs. I mean, if Valley of the Dolls were to get another film remake in 2019, this is exactly what I’d like to see the female leads wearing, from the pastel suits to the satin kaftan style dresses. The yellow feather trimmed dress is practically a copy of something Marchesa has already done but it’s cute all the same. In my top 10 collections of the season, for sure.

Rick Owens was another strong collection; it goes without saying that it’s not the most wearable but that’s not really what Rick Owens is known for, so I wouldn’t expect anything else. If you want fashion on an alien planet, or something Lady Gaga would’ve worn in 2010, he's your man.

Next, Rodarte:

Obviously the dresses are beautiful and the set is magnificent, BUT...I’m really not a fan of the whole celebrities filling in for high fashion models thing. I like Lili Reinhart and I adore Kirsten Dunst, she’s been in a load of my favourite films, but in a similar vein to Dolce and Gabbana’s influencer show, it’s just distracting from the actual garments, if even worse because I don’t WANT to be distracted here (the same can’t be said for the D&G show, lol). If anybody has read this far, let me know your thoughts!

Roland Mouret was nice, and I always like a coed show, especially when a designer isn’t afraid to blur the lines of masculine and feminine. It’s fresh, lightweight and luxurious looking, Cannes film festival street style eat your heart out, and I love the colour palette.

Similarly, colour was my favourite thing about Sally LaPointe’s S/S 2020 collection.

I would never think that teal and burnt orange would work together, let alone in some kind of faux leather, and yet here we are. Orange is in itself always an interesting colour choice, perfect for the summer with a tan, and I really love monochrome outfits, even though they’re something that ends up being quite pricey to put together; slight differences in tone are okay but if you just randomly throw together a few things and they’re too off, it really doesn’t work and you’d have been better off wearing contrasting colours. For that reason, I’m just gonna admire that all-pink outfit from a distance.

As for Schiaparelli, it’s one I always look forwards to for the sheer weirdness. RTW isn’t quite as kooky as haute couture but still, the interesting choices are still there; what at first glance appears to be flame print is actually coils of hair, and paired with a water print suit is a sequinned jacket emblazoned with a paradisiacal mirage. Ornament-like facial decorations as seen in the over-exaggerated glasses worn with the pony hair suit are also one of my favourite new things to happen in the high fashion scene in the past couple of months and I can’t wait to see how they get watered down to become more approachable for us...regular, non-structurally blessed folks who can’t pull off anything and everything.

Simone Rocha was STUNNING. Romantic and ethereal, it’s druid goddess crossed with upper class Victorian woman of leisure, equal parts delicate and grungy, like a modern, fashion version of Lady Gaga’s Scathach in the Roanoke season of American Horror Story. You know, in the flashbacks, not in present day when she was all gross and like...scalping people and shit. Each dress is so ornate and has such an interesting structure, and the fabric choices give off an organic kinda vibe that create a handmade feel; the collection is, imo, really worthy of being shown under a haute couture heading. When it comes to my favourite element of the show, I’m torn between the petticoats and the hair accessories. I’m just gonna give a cop-out answer and say both.

Stella McCartney on the other hand, is very much a clear ready-to-wear collection.

It’s pretty, for sure. The pastel blazers paired with delicate white mesh tops underneath are a gorgeous combination for spring and I like the reoccurrence of the chain glasses (Gucci, right?). But I mean, when you go from Simone Rocha to this, it’s a bit anticlimactic. Plus, if I’m honest, kaftans are always going to remind me of Honey Mahogany from season 5 of Drag Race. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure she’s a lovely person but her runway looks aren’t really ones I look back fondly on, and you’re lying if you say you enjoyed them for anything other than meme purposes.

Temperley is equally meh, though the return of the Erdem-style boating hats is getting me excited that high street retailers might actually pick up on the trend and bring out some cheap ones for me to embarrass myself by wearing.

I also love a good 70s suit, the neckerchiefs are cute and there are some really delightful prints here that are a more unique approach to florals for spring.

Coming towards the end now, next is Thom Browne:

I LOVE this. Like, don’t get me wrong Rick Owens was cool but I adore how on the nose the concept is here; time to bring back all the Marie Antoinette puns I didn’t get to use in my Versailles Instagram post. I don’t know if it’s the history buff in me or the Sofia Coppola Stan but I will always be willing to sign any kind of treaty for anything related to the excesses of the 18th century French monarchy, and this is that turned up to 1000 infused with a dash of the Teletubbies, which sounds like a nightmarish concept, I know, but as high fashion it WORKS.

Tory Burch was very commercial, seemingly half inspired by Monterey yoga moms and the other half by Hamptons socialites.

And then there was Valentino, which was fucking exquisite, imo. LIKE, CALLING DOCLE & GABBANA: THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE TROPICAL PRINT INTERESTING. YOU MAKE THE VELVET MONKEY’S ARM THE FRICKEN WAISTBAND.

Seriously, though, I am enamoured with this colour palette; all the whites and golds are angelic and fr, I didn’t know until now that you could make neons this elegant. I’m also getting an almost clerical feel from a lot of these looks, with the plaited waistband on the black dress that’s 7th row down in the middle, the stunning red cape and the multitude of exaggerated neck ruffs. I think I’ve mentioned before but I always love religious references in clothing-I don’t think I’ll ever get over the 2018 Met Gala-and so whether I’m reading too much into it or not, this collection really did it for me.

Whilst it’s probably as far removed a collection from Valentino’s S/S 2020 contribution you can get, I also loved Vera Wang this season. It might purely (I PROMISE THIS IS MY LAST GOSSIP GIRL REFERENCE) be because it gives me Jenny Humphrey vibes and *controversial* she did have my favourite style of any of the main characters, but sue me, this is just the right amount of late 90s/early 2000s grunge. Deconstructed trashy goth it girl is an interesting concept to see on the runway and I completely support it.

Versace on the other hand was very hit or miss. The looks I picked out I really loved but ultimately, for one of the household name brands, a lot of the actual garments were a bit pedestrian. I will say though that for me, it’s a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. The slicked back mermaid hair and the pops of colour in the makeup and the interesting necklines meant that when it was good, it was GOOD. However, overall, still a bit too 80s Miami businesswoman, and please GOD, can we leave that hideous J-Lo dress in the past, it should really not be the climax of the show in 20-fucking-19!

As for Victoria Beckham, I liked it, but it’s a bit of a Gucci copy, no? And no way near as interesting?

And on that note, I’m gonna have to cut this off. Super annoying but with only 5 collections left that I want to talk about, Tumblr is being a little bitch and will not let me add anything more to this post. So, see you in 5 for the final post!

Lauren x

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