#GDI KATHRYN WHAT WAS THAT LOOK

[callmearcturus]

okay so PC Gamer just scattered a bunch of catnip for me with an article about What If Each Fallout Game Were A Movie, Who Would Direct It and I am going to read this live and judge it

because I'm having a relapse, we all understand this

A focused, mature, pressure cooker of a movie that is short and stylishly violent? Better call the director of John Wick to take the directorial reigns. Personally, I find Leitch's movies tend to have rather underwhelming final acts, too, and also have a penchant for ending abruptly when you feel more could have followed, so he's the perfect fit for a game that's incredible until it very quickly ends without much fanfare. John Wick movies don't tend to be very wacky either, often depicting the hero's world as very serious (despite the ludicrous premise of the fiction), so again this feels a strong and apt choice for the OG Fallout. A Friday night action movie.

HMMMMMM. I feel like I disagree on the mode I would want FO1 to be in. Like, yes, you can play it that way, but FO1 is famously one of the first games to make Speech arguably the most important skill to have in a video game, so I dunno. I love Leitch and feel like while his sense of realistic-yet-stunning action is a trademark, I think the use of locations is even more of his thing, and when I think about memorable locations, I think more of FO2 than FO1.

I feel like I would give FO1 to some hyper-realistic scumbag who is more obsessed with Process than Enterta-- oh. Nolan. gdi I'd give FO1 to Chris fucking Nolan, him whomst I loathe.

Who better to direct this expansive and often wacky depiction of the Fallout universe than the director responsible for epics such as Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 12 Monkeys, Brazil, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, and The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? Gilliam loves a good road trip in his work, too, which fits with Fallout 2's Highwayman-based exploration, and his penchant for vast vistas with wacky and absurd details feels perfect. The combat scenes wouldn't be as slick as Leitch's Fallout movie, but characterisation and a more rambling, philosophical, off-beat narrative would deliver. Plus, Fallout 2 even has a Bridge Keeper encounter that directly references Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which Gilliam starred. Watch on a Saturday night for a bit of everything.

......... I straight up cannot argue with that. No notes.

For a movie based on a game that is focussed almost entirely on squad-based combat in urban environments, combat where soldiers die in terrible ways and the horrors of war are all too apparent, I feel the director of The Hurt Locker, Kathryn Bigelow is perfect for this. Fallout: Tactics would be a war movie with a very tight focus and strong characterisation for just a handul of lead characters. Tense and at times adrenaline-inducing due to the flashes of extreme violence, but interspersed with soul-searching dialogue from its grizzled, war-scarred leads, this would be an erudite and focused Fallout war movie. Watch on a Monday or Tuesday night.

Looking at Bigelow's list of works is how I just now learned she also did Strange Days, so I think it's fair to say that this is giving her way too small of a pick. Give her FO1 and give Leitch FOT.

It would be so bad. Forget about A-bombs, everyone in the movie would drop an F-bomb every other line. Don't watch on any night.

Fucking weak-ass pick. Think about the history of how FO:BoS happened, i.e. they were trying to slap the Fallout license onto a completely different style of game without any respect for the source material. They swapped out Nuka Cola for Bawls product placement.

Give it to Zack Synder.

As the game that properly introduced V.A.T.S. system slow-mo to the Fallout universe, with kill shots shown off in glorious bullet time, there can be only one director for a film version of Fallout 3: the master himself, John Woo. Woo's stellar action movie work in titles such as Hard Boiled, Broken Arrow, Face/Off and Mission Impossible 2, among others, means the action in this game is off the charts. Slow-mo radiated doves and all! Woo handles the post-apocalypse war vibes well, too, thanks to his work on Windtalkers, while he communicates the hero's awakening into the future thanks to previous on Paycheck. A good fit for Friday night, thanks to the action, or midday during the weekend due to a longish, war movie-style runtime.

.....................

holy shit i cannot argue with that, that's genius. absolutely fucking yes. i think that's a perfect fit.

also, like, FO3 and Woo have the same "problem" for me, in that they know exactly what they are doing, it's just not my cup of tea, but there is a solid identity there.

yeah, fucking do it, give FO3 to John Woo.

SHUT THE FUCK UP

WHO WROTE THIS ARTICLE, AND DID THEY WRITE IT FROM MY FUCKING ATTIC?!

Casinos, gritty environments, extreme violence and heist movie vibes mean I think of Guy Ritchie for this film adaptation. Ritchie's also a fan of slow-mo combat shots, too, so we've got the game's V.A.T.S. system represented well, too, while the game's macho factional warfare as undertaken by factions like Caesar's Legion and the NCR, is right in keeping with Ritchie's love of gang-based conflict. There's not much romance in New Vegas, either, which is a weak spot for Ritchie, but as shown in movies like Sherlock Holmes, Snatch, The Gentleman, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, he's good at holding together movies with various interconnecting narratives. His work on Aladdin also shows he can handle the comedic and wacky aspects of New Vegas, too. A mid-week action-comedy treat.

/rubs face

I am unfortunately a massive fucking fan of Ritchie movies. this is so powerful.

i think........... Ritchie is so thoroughly uninterested in saying anything philosophically profound, you cannot give him The Most Profound Fallout Game. like, I want to love this idea, I really do, but no.

....................... You need someone with snappy dialogue that actually means something, who is willing to veer into borderline magical realism, who loves an overdressed set, and who can manage a lot of different characters with well-reasoned motivations.

I think you need Rian Johnson.

OR DO I JUST WANT RIAN JOHNSON TO MAKE A VERSION OF "DEAD MONEY" THAT DOESN'T SUCK? WHO COULD SAY.

I feel Ang Lee is a good choice for a Fallout 4 movie adaptation, having good form in handling large and sprawling fictions with plenty of characters and side-stories. Just look at films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Life of Pi as an example of this. He's got some form with action, too, thanks to his work on Hulk. There's probably more romance/relationship offering in Fallout 4 than in any other Fallout, and Ang Lee has form here too. The result, though, is a movie that ends up being a bit flabby and unfocussed at times, despite technically bringing more to the table than Fallout 3, and being funnier and lighter overall. Watch on a day off due to a chonky runtime.

what are you fucking talking about, Ang Lee's best movies are Brokeback and Sense & Sensibility, and his worst are probably Hulk and Gemini Man. Fallout 4 is the one where Bethesda just stopped pretending to give a shit about story and roleplaying, instead pivoting the game into a skinner box of tightly-honed but ultimately soulless mechanics.

I'm not even trying to mock Marvel, but I feel like the MCU's Design-By-Producer-And-Executive-Oversight is actually the answer here. It doesn't matter who directs it because the main voice will be a board room.

oh shut upppppp

Fallout Shelter would in some ways be the most obvious setup for a movie: the self-contained story of a vault-dwelling society, interspersed with the surface adventures of random dwellers. Sounds a bit like the TV show when you put it like that, which is why there's only one Nolan for the job: Christopher! Yes, fresh off Oppenheimer it is time for Oppenheimer 2, focusing on the aftermath of all-out nuclear war (hell, Cillian Murphy can even have a cameo as a brain in a jar, I'm that generous). Moody, intense, riven with twists you didn't see coming, and with all special effects done for realsies, this movie could only ever be rad. The only downside is that, like the TV show Silo, you'd spend an awful lot of time indoors.

absolutely fucking not. the thing about Nolan is that his shit is so meticulous, it like.... pitches past hyper-realism and lands in this weird uncanny valley of "he wouldn't fucking say that" but it's for a character you've only known for ten minutes.

FO: Shelter is about emergent storytelling that feels almost accidental rather than arranged or scripted. you need someone who is hands-off the script but can capture a.... good moment..............

oh god, it's JJ Abrams, isn't it? god dammit. or, frankly? Spielberg. so I'm saying no to the director i hate and offering instead two other directors i dislike, but for different reasons.

yeah. yep. that's what i'm doing.

SPITTAKE

As an MMO that takes many aspects of the Fallout universe to the extreme, it feels a movie version of Fallout 76 would be akin to a huge-budget, climatic MCU movie where it really helps if you've had previous with the series to get most enjoyment. As such, I feel the Russo brothers would take the reigns for Fallout 76. The result would be a jack-of-all-trades action-adventure that borrows bits of every previous Fallout to make something that appeals to a lot of people but, after watching, doesn't go down as something you'd rewatch for most all of them. Big, bright, wacky and action-filled, there's no doubting though that you get a spectacle and fun, though. Watch in two sittings over two nights (as the movie's runtime is 3 hours 47 minutes).

no. fuck you. i reject your premise. the Fallout game that shipped with no NPCs and expected the story to be entirely conveyed by set-pieces, environmental design, and audiologs?

resurrect Tarkovsky and give us FO76, desolate and beautiful with environmental shots that last seven minutes without a cut. because the only good thing about FO76 is the setting, the amount of effort put into building the actual space, so I want 90 minutes of film and seven pages of script.

Russo Brothers, get tf out of here

[lonely-night]

STAR TREK VOYAGER 6.20 “Good Shepherd”

SEVEN: This mission could be better served with a more experienced crew.

JANEWAY: No, not this mission. Ever hear the tale of the Good Shepherd? If even one sheep strayed into the wilderness, the shepherd left the safety of the flock and went after it

SEVEN: So you're intending to rescue them?

JANEWAY: In a manner of speaking. Maybe all it will take will be some personal attention from their Captain. Maybe something more.

[rumplefloofywoobiestiltskin]

Once Upon a Time Rewatch Proper Watch

1x06 The Shepherd

Shepherd? So, like, Bo Peep?

Storybrooke

Lol “an old lady house”

...was everyone invited to the welcome home party?? The... small-town welcome home party that has... servers? Wtf 😂

“Emma, you live with Mary Margaret, right?” Ew he better not start hitting on her.

Okay, so totally off topic, but I read a fic once where Belle was preggo when she left Rumple and Regina got her and Cursed!Gold was sleeping with their kid and then the curse broke and they were both like 😨🤢🤮 it was so fucked up

Anyway, are Regina and Kathryn (fuck)buddies(?)

Oh no David left. Kathryn you go find someone better, girl. (Can’t believe I just said that). I wonder what happened to them two in the Enchanted Forest.

Oof Mary Margaret dumped him(?)

... is she getting dating advice from her daughter 😂

So was Kathryn Other Brother’s lady friend?

lol awk after-date I wonder how that’ll go when they all wake up. Will David be like my wifeeeeey

“So he just up and left his wife on a whim” bitch he did whAT

Wait why does Mary Margaret look older(?) than Regina I thought she was her stepmom unless her dad was one of the midlife crisis dudes..?

Okay to be fair Mary Margaret (that’s to long I’m gonna just do MM gdi) he’s kinda got a point With the amnesia-and-it’s-not-fair-to-Kathryn thing

I really think Emma/sheriff is cute

Ooh she’s gonna meet with him? *Jesse Pinkman voice* true love biTCH

Hmm whatchu up to Regina DID SHE POINT HIM IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

UGHHH THOSE. FUCKING. MARIONETTES.

Huh so she did send him the wrong way thanks Gold :D

Ooh ominous music plus suspicious smile whatchu up to babe

OH THAT’S THE RING ITS THE MOMS RING

Oh no he remembersss. Ofc he does. Gdi girl dump him fr. He ain’t worth this shit

Wait so she didn’t send him the wrong way. Did she just make up the backstory or was there already like a built-in failsafe?

Oh but what’s Emma gonna see? People diddling?? Oh boo another booty call that is fr messed up I mean Henry’s there

I do feel kinda bad tho cause Storybrooke Kathryn seems pretty decent neither of the chicks deserve that shit

Is she gonna sleep with the doctor? I can’t decide if he’s sleazy or nah.

Enchanted Forest

Eyy nice swording David 👌

K-kill a dragon? That sounds like a suicide mission tbh

YO ITS KING MIDAS I thought they were using fairytales? not myths??

AW SHIT HE GOT DEADED RIP PRINCE

(I saw somewhere once that he had a twin. Is this the twin then?? But like how would that work are there two princes..?)

OH. OH WAIT. SHEEP BROS. Is it a sheep herding dude? Yay pastoralism?

RUMPLE YOU LITTLE SHIT <3

Ohhhhhhhhhhh Rumple you sly little shit

Yes you are darling. You are a man of your word.

Wait. Is that how you herd sheep? What if there’re a lotta sheep tho??

*gasp* what’s this? A Decent Parent™? I guess she can’t be that decent if she got rid of her other kid tho. Could she not afford to raise both or something? Also, where’s the baby daddy? I’m assuming it’s not King Dude if he didn’t know there were two. I don’t think one night stands is very child-appropriate family show topic. Nvm they answered it

Rumple Bumple having a drink. Has he lost Belle yet at this point? Rumple, you sad little shit :(

Herder!Twin can’t sword fight? What about the bit in the pilot then? Dude you can’t just fucking run right to the damn dragon when all the trained!! dudes are dying wtf you absolute himbo

Oh no is he gonna try to set them up iS KATHRYN HIS DAUGHTER OH SHIT IT IS GOOD CALL SAM

Eww king dude (not Midas) is an asshole

Huh they do actually have a good relationship. Hmm. A Good Parent™. Unexpected.

Nooo the poor mom she’s so sad/worried :( maybe she can go with them as a fake servant..? Nah but them they’d still lose the farm

THE SCENIC ROUTE THAT’S WHY DAVID WAS SO HUNG UP ON THAT RING THEY JUST MET

9/10. Funny Rumple and a Good mother-son relationship. Dad was a dick tho.