#GET ME OUTTTTTT I CANT STAND IT HERE

[chlorophyll-tints]

stuck in doomed yaoi hell.

[flockofdoves]

me and my gf have been rearranging stuff in our room this week and it looks so much nicer and has a logical flow of stuff that makes getting things for day to day tasks so much more seamless

and its like on one hand i want to get out of this apartment if at all possible (maybe not possible nothing is affordable around here and if id wanted to find something id basically have had to start applying for stuff almost a whole year ahead of time) i cannot fucking stand livinf with my roommate and in these unhygienic conditions any longer

but like god!!!! look!!! we put so much effort into this room!!! i want that effort to pay off and last longer!!! and even the disrepair in this apartment not directly related to my roommate like idk maybe if could be fixed if i ever felt comfortable calling maintenance (which i dont bc of how horrific our roommate leaves everything)

so like. this place is actually pretty roomy (although her stuff takes up a disproportionate amount of room and i cant use the living room bc it smells so bad and is so gross) and relatively affordable. it could actually be pretty good if she just moved out i dont wanr to throw that all away but obviously thats ridiculous to bank on and potentially have to live through another year of this situation because of inaction in hoping for that

but like my fucking god. her job is literally like 40 minutes way in an area thats wayyyyy more affordable than here and she never does anything around this area at all like get fucking outttttt of here just move there itd be best for the both of us. my god

[concentrateandpush]

Lena's twin birth.

"Ryan! Rory! Stop drawing on the walls!" I shout as I come in to the dining room. At eighteen years old, I can definitely say I never expected to lose both of my parents and have to take on my 5 year old twin brothers, especially just after finding out I'm pregnant. Thirty four weeks later, I'm 39 weeks pregnant with twins and I cant tell you for free, nesting with two five year old’s, doesn’t go well.

The babies father was a one night stand when I went to Greece but I'm lucky to have Liv, my best friend. The second my parents died she moved in to help me raise these boys and she soon found out she would be raising the twins I'm carrying too. I wont lie and say I'm not interested in her romantically, because I am, but right now.. that's not a priority. everything else is too demanding.

"Boys, come and eat your tea, please" I shout as I plate up, hearing Liv bring them in and sit them down. I smile over at her "thank you so much". "Sweetheart, let me do that" she sighs as she takes everything out of my hands and helps me sit. "I don’t know how much longer you can hold on, because you've dropped in the last two days" she says softly as she looks at me from the side, taking the boys their food.

A few hours later, the boys are in bed and were downstairs watching a movie. I'm laying back and Liv has her head on what's left of my lap. "Lena, do we have any popcorn?" She asks. I laugh "yeah, if you get me up, I'll go grab it, it's in the kitchen, my secret snack cupboard, I can’t tell you where that is now, can I?" I laugh and she helps me on to my feet. Once I'm in the kitchen, I open the cupboard and reach up for the pack, letting out a groan as I feel an intense pain and a gush of fluid pour out of me.

"Oh shit" I whisper to myself "Liv!" I shout as I look down at the faintly coloured pool of water at my feet "Liv, I think my water just broke" I say loudly but I don’t shout it. With in seconds she's holding my hand and I'm getting a pretty strong contraction. It sends me down in to a squatting position "I've been having pains all day I just thought I'd know when it was labor" I moan between breaths. Liv looks in to my eyes and smiles a little "looks like were meeting some babies".

I slowly breathe through the contraction, making sure I'm really taking in deep breaths and I manage to get to the couch and sit down to call my gran. "Gran, I need you to come and watch the boys, the babies are coming" I say calmly to which she responds "be there in five" and puts the phone down. "Okay, I need the bag, it's all packed, I need some shoes and my dressing gown please" I say softly and Liv nods "on it."

The moment my Gran arrives, I'm on the floor, crying as Liv rubs my back "how did it get so hard so fast?!" I groan. "Deep breaths Lena, you've got this, you're going to do so well, are you all ready to go?" Gran asks and I nod, panting "I'm ready" I mutter and look for Liv "Don’t leave me, don’t you dare leave me" I say as I give her a death stare, the sweat dripping off my face.

"Come on Miss Lovell" she smiles and picks me up effortlessly, I suppose that her being a firefighter comes in handy sometimes. She loads me into the car and starts the drive. It's fine for the first 10 minutes until I get another contraction. "Liv, pull over now, pull over, ohhh fuck" I moan. She giggles and rubs my thigh "Lena, I'm not pulling over, were ten minutes away, you've got this" she smiles encouragingly. "You would say that! You're not the one.." I take a break to pant heavily "you're not the one pushing two humans from your body" I bite and let out a long, low moan as Liv laughs affectionately, watching me, smiling proudly.

I pick up my phone and dial, holding it to my ear "I'm on the way, I'm close to pushing, I can feel it, get a wheelchair out front for me, please" I mutter as I wipe my forehead "Oh my god, please, babies please, calm down for mommy" I almost plead as Liv reaches over, rubbing my belly in small circles.

Once we pull up, my midwife is waiting out front with a wheel chair. "Get me in the chair, I cant stand" I mutter, trying to get my hair back from my face. Liv picks me up and puts me in the chair before grabbing the bags and stuff. "They're about 6 minutes apart, no epidural, no meds, no interference that can harm baby" she recites, I've had her say it a million times ready for this moment.

"Get me to a room! Now!" I groan as I notice my legs naturally parting making room. "The head is close, I can feel it, what do I do?" I ask, at this point I'm clearly struggling and in a mess, crying. Liv leans down as she pushes me "listen, you're Lena Lovell, if anyone’s got this, it's you" she whispers and kisses my cheek. "Ohhh fuck, ohhh god, Liv, LIV!" I cry as I let out a grunting sound. "Lena, do not push, I need to find out how dilated you are first" Carla, my midwife says.

I grit my teeth and pant, my face is wet, partially spit, partially sweat and the rest tears. "I'm telling you, this baby is coming if i push or not" I let out as I pull my pyjama shorts to the side of my opening "what can you see?" I ask. I don’t care that I'm being pushed through the hospital and anyone can see. "Oh! okay, okay sweetheart, let's just take this room" she says as she shows us to the closest room.

"Let's get you quickly in to a gown and into a nice position" she says calmly and I look up to Liv "I cant, I need to push now" I say gritting my teeth. I stand and let my shorts drop, revealing my bare body and I let Liv pull my top off "leave my bra for now" I sigh and lean my arms on the bed so I'm in a doggy style position with my legs fully stood up. "Let's get all of you on the bed sweetheart" Carla suggests, but before she speaks I'm pushing.

I squat my legs a little and scream into the bed as I push for the first time properly. "Lena, the head is close already, do you want to get on the bed?" Liv asks. I nod and reach down to feel but I'm being moved on to the bed, so I cant reach. They put me on my back and I hold my legs open "Liv it hurts, it hurts so fucking bad" I cry and rub my eyes.

"Lena, sweetheart, I need you to open your legs more" Carla instructs as I pull my legs as far as I can. "Nngggg" I moan, feeling myself open a little "how close is the head? I can feel something happening" I cry and reach down to feel. "Lena, concentrate, the head is showing, you'll be crowning shortly but I need you to be calm and concentrate" Carla says sternly.

"Liv, I need your help" I say calmly as I take deep breaths "let me wrap my arms around your neck, I need to squat" I say trying to move up on to my feet. "Okay, I'm coming" she says, kicking her shoes off and gets on the bed, letting me do as I wish. I rest my forehead on hers "thank you, for everything" I whisper softly before adjusting my feet. "Here it comes" I moan and bite my lip as I bare down "ohhhh my, Ohhh fuck" I cry as my legs part even more.

"Listen, Lena, the head is right here, I need a nice big push and you'll be crowning" Carla says encouragingly as I pant a little. "Liv, hold me, hold me tighter" I say before letting out a long, hard growl "get it OUTTTTTT" I cry. "Pant. Don’t push" Carla says strictly. "It burns! Am I tearing? Is the head to big?" I panic and mutter looking from Liv to Carla and back.

"You're not tearing" she says softly and rubs around the lips of my vagina. "Okay, let's take a deep breath and get the head out yeah?" Carla smiles and Liv looks up at me "Come on Lena, let's meet our baby" she smiles excitedly, then looks at me sheepishly. "Our baby?" I ask her through the heavy breathing, before I feel the urge to push again. "Come on baby" I whisper before screaming out with pain. "That's it Lena! Come on, harder, push for me, keep pushing as hard as you can!" Carla smiles.

"Babe, there's a head!" Liv exclaims and looks into my eyes "well, they are our babies.. right?" She asks and I smile softly. "Okay, baby is turned, Lena, it's time to push your baby out!" Carla screams. I nod and take a deep breath before pushing the shoulders out as hard as I can, feeling this hot, slimy body slide out of me with pints of amniotic fluid around our feet. "Oh my.." I groan and pull the baby up onto my chest. "Hi, hello my little angel, little girl" I cry and sit down leaning against the pillows with my legs wide open, throbbing, but I don’t care.

I look up at Liv and see her face, she's in tears but I cant help but smile. "Yeah, our babies" I nod and pull her to me, kissing her passionately for what felt like hours. "Liv.. I, you.. I just" I mumble and she nods "I feel it too, Lena, I love you" she cries. I shake my head in disbelief "Don’t fuck with me Liv, please don’t say this, heat of the moment and then leave me.." I say scared. "Lena, would I do that?" She asks and I cry, I look down at baby then up at her "I love you too, I always have" I smile. We share a few moments with baby, I'm in awe of her "you want to hold Cassie?" I ask Liv as I feel my body get ready for the next contraction.

"I'd love to" she smiles as she takes her "same name as your mom" she smiles and tears up. "In her honor" I nod and wipe my tears before looking at Carla "I'm ready".

Liv takes Cassie to the chair by the bed and fawns over her, just kissing her and cuddling her. I lay back and spread my legs, hooking them into the handles of the bed. Carla checks me and smiles "whenever you're ready Momma!". I nod and bite my lip before bearing down and pressing my chin to my chest, I let out a low grunting groan, straining hard to meet this baby.

Liv stands and puts Cassie in the bassinet before coming to me and taking my hand, I feel empowered as I feel her hold my hand. "Okay, ohhhhkay" I moan and take a deep breath before grunting it out. "Nnngggggg" I cry and push, feeling myself open up "what do you see? Is there anything coming?" I ask and Carla nods "you're close". Liv looks and smiles excitedly "they're nearly here now babe!".

"I ugh.. I think I'm gonna throw up" I groan and Carla hands me a bowl. It ends up just being nausea and I power through. "Come on baby" I moan and almost double over with how much I'm pushing. "Come out, come out, come out!" I pant and squeal. "I can't do it, I can't" I cry and squeeze Liv's hand. "You can do it Lena, you can do anything" she smiles.

"Ohhhhhhh" I groan and feel myself open more before feeling a familiar burning sensation. "Fuck it burns, it's like fire!" I cry out loud and the cry turns in to a low, long moan and I persist until I feel a gush of fluid and the head pop out. I lay back and sigh in relief, taking deep breaths as I try to catch my breath. "Take a break" Carla instructs and I shake my head "I want to meet them" I say sternly and hold my thighs, doubling over again in pain as I push. "That's my Lena" Liv smiles.

"Okay, hold that, just like that, that's it!" Carla cries excitedly as I feel the baby slide out into my hands. The cries fill the room and I pull him up on to my chest "ohhh god.. I did it.. I actually did it" I cry and watch him as he cries the cutest little noise. "You did it Lena, I'm so so proud" Liv says as she cries, fetching Cassie. "This is your brother, Cassie, his name is Elijah" I smile and wipe my eyes, letting the sweat drip over me.

"Like your dad" Liv smiles and watches me hold them both as I latch them on. "You're a natural" she beams and I giggle before pointing at my bag "go in the zip?" I ask and see her face as she pulls out my mothers engagement ring that I keep on a necklace. "Take it off" I smile and look at her in the eyes "marry me?" I ask, smiling.