#GOD IM IN HYSTEICSR

[honeylikewords]

Trailer2, Part 1: *opens on pastel-filtered, slow-mo imagery of the Jew Crew in their younger years, at a bar or at graduation with Eddie's voice over* "True friendship is a consistently undervalued thing in this world. But we've been so lucky to experience seven different kinds. And we have Michael Sussman to thank, because he was the one who brought us all together those years ago. We're beyond fortunate to share this special day with him after all this time..."

Pt2: "It is therefore my honor to decide for him a sonnet written in his hon--" "Motherfucker, if you read any of that Tolkein bullshit, I will kill you," Monty interrupts, ending the montage to reveal Eddie practicing his speech in a room with Monty, Frank, Shane, Joe, BJ, and David. Eddie, paper in hand, glares. "...My bos--"

PT.3:"I'm not kidding, if I have to wait 30 minutes to eat just because you wanna be all 'whimsical', I will kick your ass in front of small children." "... My bosom friend, carved from steadfast stone --" *Monty gets up from his seat, screaming as the others try to hold him back*

Pt.4:*Cut to text reading, "They've been friends for years", the beginning guitar riff from "The Old Switcheroo"**cuts to BJ snooping around in Mike's room and finding a high school pic of Mike, sporting a poorly-kept Jew Fro* "Oh, God, lookit this tragedy!" he cries. Meanwhile Frank is looking at it with furrowed brows, going, "I can't believe they took a picture of Mikey after he killed that poor Tribble to wear it as a hat." "Monsters." *text: "They've seen each other at their worst."*

PT.5:*Cuts to BJ trying to spin on a stripper pole in a limo* "Get your fat ass off of that," Joe says, glaring over his scotch glass. "Fat asses make it rai--" BJ's sentence goes incomplete as his heavy body causes the pole to become dislodged and break. "IM NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL FOR THIS!" Monty screams, preparing to jump out the car. *text: "But for the next few days..."*

P.6:*reuses sound clip of Joe setting those ground rules over image of Shane making it rain over an exotic dancer* *text: "They need to remember to keep it..."* *cuts to Mike freaking out because he got a tramp stamp while drunk* "IM 35, IM TOO OLD FOR TATTOOS!!" *Eddie and Monty look insulted* "Oh, shut up, Monty, you've been to jail and Eddie's a fucking Eddie!" "... Okay, rude." *text: "... Kosher."*

P.7: *cuts back to the tattoo thing with Mike bending over for the others to see* "Is it bad?" The camera focuses on an abomination of a tattoo of his fiancée's face, causing at least one of the guys to scream and the others to grimace and mutter, "Ooooohhh."

P.8: David makes the sign of the cross. "It looks like an angel," Frank utters. "But I mean, the real ones. Like, the ones that can kill you if you look at 'em directly." "Okay, Frank, I get it--" "The ones from Dante's Paradisio," Eddie mutters. "That's enough --" "The ones from God's DeviantArt page," Dave whispers. "OKAY I GET IT, THANK YOU."

P.9:*cuts to BJ driving while blasting a dubstep remix of "Hava Nagila" with the windows down. Shane is slouched in his seat, screaming about how it's too stereotypical, but BJ is scream-singing over him on purpose* "HAVAAAAA NAGILA HAVAAAAAA NAGILA HAVAAAAA NAGILA -- NOW THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE CAR -- HAVAAAAA NERUNENAH--!!!" Eddie opens his mouth to sing along but Shane punches him smack in the chest, causing a coughing fit.

P.10:*"Cake" by DNCE's chorus starts playing over the image of the guys trying on their Jew Crew jackets, Monty scowling* "What, you're scared this'll ruin your image?" Eddie goes. Shane cuts in, sarcastically: "What's not hardcore about being Jewish? David and half of Frank's people say our leader wore a crown of thorns to prove he was a ride AND die -- I'd say we're pretty fucking metal." (Also, this has, like, 3 more parts but if Tumblr messaging cuts me off, hang tight for a bit okay 😶)

P.11: "Please don't refer to Jesus in the same sentence as the 'f' word..." David glares. "Oh, I'm sorry, is that too harsh of a word to use for your liTERAL SCANDINAVIAN HEAVY METAL BASSIST-LOOKING GOD?! How not kosher of me~" David is about to have words with Shane until -- "How come HE gets to use the Jew puns?" Eddie whines. "You lost that privilege in college, you make one and it goes in the Jew Pun Jar," Frank threatens.

P.12:*cuts to clips from the first trailer of Frank putting up with his friends' BS* "You know, I kinda always thought that by now, we would've calmed down a bit," he says as he sits at a bar with Shane and Eddie. To which, Shane says, "Well, yeah, but like. That's YOUR fault for having expectations." *cuts to the film title before returning back to clips*

P.13:*cuts back to the first scene where the guys are testing out their wedding speeches with each other* *BJ stands up and just starts singing "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" by Michael Bolton* Monty glares, "Oh, don't worry, you won't be living long enough to worry about that if you keep singing." *end*(thanks for the patience!!)

mary mother of jesus, i LOVE YOU

YOU DID SO MUCH WORK AND I FREAKING LOVE IT

EVERY MOMENT OF THIS IS GOLDEN AND I LOVE IT AND IM LITERALLOY CRYING FROM ALUGHING AND I CANNOT BREATHE AND I WANT TO WATCH THIS SO BADLY BECAUSE I CAN SEE EVERY DETAIL IN LIVING, VIVID TECHINCOLOR GLORY

I CANT EVEN SAY ANYTHING I LOVE IT SO MUCH