#Gemina is a bad woman -- there is no doubt in that -- and she is brash and violent and horrible | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

merchantofwhispers · 4 months

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[ I don't think I can ever put into words how much of a confusing woman Gemina is at the surface level. She is gentle, she craves love and adoration and warmth, but is also actively hostile towards people who try to give it to her -- viewing it often as something that will wind up harming her or themselves. In the same breath she will chase that harm to prove she is stronger than it.

I want her subtly as well as her abrupt decisions to speak for themselves, but I worry that sometimes that comes off as inconsistent writing rather than intentional character motivations. ]

#;ooc #my insecurity as a writer is showing #i think im harshest on Gemina as a muse as well because I rarely feel inadequete when writing nikolai and cinead #but then again their motivations are far simpler than Mina and their personalities are more easily portrayed #Neither Nikolai or Cinead make a point of trying to compartmentalize themselves or pretend to be something they are not #Gemina IS pretending and she IS traumatized and she IS trying to her damndest not to show how out of her depth she is #She struggles SO badly with her self image and her reputation and views herself as a necessary evil but she doesnt WANT to be evil #She never wanted to be evil.#She never wanted to kill..#She never wanted immortality or vampirism but once she had it she felt like she had to do something with it #especially with the power it gave her and coming off the backlash of being in an abusive engagement only to wind up with cinead #and god the abuse just kept repeating and she became more brazen and desperate and hitting back even harder #Gemina is a bad woman -- there is no doubt in that -- and she is brash and violent and horrible #but she is a victim herself; of her past - her own actions - the world #She is feminine rage and justice and toxicity and centuries of generational horror displayed into one single woman #She bleeds herself and those who cross her dry if only to hope that the blood will fertilize the soil beneath her feet in some VAIN attempt #to make the world a better place #but she IS a symptom of the horror she IS a part of the disease and a piece of her knows that #but she cant see the larger picture #in her effort to be good she has lived long enough to become the villain #and i fear... so badly... that I can never properly portray that to anyone who reads -- and im sorry for that

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