#Genovelin

[genovelin]

► Name ➔ Genovelin Culte, the Lady of Beguilement

► Are you single ➔ “Of course not.”

► Are you happy ➔ "I..yes.”

► Are you angry? ➔ "I am often angry, though it is more a simmering rage at this point.”

► Are your parents still married ➔ "Sylvari do not have parents, though I suppose if we consider who I once referred to as ‘mother’ and ‘father’ the answer would be sadly no.”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ "The Grove.”

► Hair Color ➔ "My fronds are black.”

► Eye Color ➔ “Green”

► Birthday ➔ "The 34th day of Colossus.”

► Mood ➔ "At the moment or my general mood? You need to be more specific. Though I suppose at the moment I am... quite all right.”

► Gender ➔ “Female.”

► Summer or winter ➔ "Winter is more pleasant to me.”

► Morning or afternoon ➔ "Morning, I suppose. But I prefer the night.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ ”Yes.”

► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ “Certainly not. Lust, yes, but not love. That takes time.”

► Who ended your last relationship ➔ “That is a complicated question..”

► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ “Yes.”

► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ “No.”

► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ “I have, actually.”

► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ “I have had a few that I have caught.”

► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ “...Yes.”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ “Why choose just one?”

► Cats or Dogs ➔ “Cats.”

► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ "A few best friends is more difficult to be betrayed by, but regular friends hurt less when they turn on you.”

► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ “A wild night in.”

► Day or night ➔ “Night.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ “Not that I can recall.”

► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ “Yes.”

► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ “Often.”

► Wanted to disappear ➔ “..Yes. And I am quite good at it.”

FOUR PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ “..Eyes.”

► Shorter or Taller ➔ “I am a tall woman, so I prefer my partners to be either my height or taller.”

► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ “I would not give up intelligence simply because someone is attractive, so they must be intelligent. However, they do not necessarily need to be attractive to anyone but myself, do they?”

► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ “I have never really been one for meaningless hookups.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “..No.”

► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ “Perhaps.”

► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ “Several times.”

► Have you ever been kicked out ➔ “...In a way.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ “My friends? No..”

► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ “Hm..”

► Who is your best friend ➔ “I dare not say.”

► Who knows everything about you ➔ “I don’t know anymore..”

Tagged by: @bladekuroda (I may do another of these I have a lot of characters this could be fun) Tagging: Ummm.. I’ll get back to you on that one

[catbatart]

A sketch commission of @theinsanesinger‘s beautiful sylvari, Genovelin!

Thank you so so much for commissioning me!  

[frusenfell]

Commission for Corrin! (1/2)

[dark-tarou]

Commission for @theinsanesinger and their charming OC Genovelin! *o*

[krizzakrizza]

Duchess Genovelin, a lovely commission i did for @theinsanesinger/ @genovelin

_______________________________________________________________

Patreon | Art blog | Guild Wars 2 | Twitter | FurAffinity | Commissions Open

[genovelin]

Trust me

"You can trust me."  "Then, trust me. Really." "If you set your trust in me."  "I trust you with my everything." "You'll just have to trust me." 

Trust

Me

Trust

You

Trust was such a strong word. Genovelin laid in silence, her body hidden under the blankets that covered her bed. The bed she was to share with her husband. The light of morning was beginning to force its way through the blankets, but the darkness and solitude was still enough to trick her body into continuing its pulsing green glow. Gleaming eyes stare intently at a pair of rings on her left hand that glinted in the dull light sources. A blackened thumb brushes against the rose carvings, the twisted vine they were nestled against..it then brushed against a matching ring, though this one was carved with thorns instead of roses. It was too big for her ring finger, but she managed to keep it on with the other ring. She frowned, bringing the rings to her lips and closing her eyes. For several moments, in the silence of her bed chamber, there is an overwhelming sorrow in her empathy. It burned like ice, like frostbite, like death. Her body shuddered, she curled up on her side with her arms coming up over her head as if to shield herself away from the world. Her breath quickened, she very nearly hyperventilated, but after minutes of struggle she won out. She calmed, she relaxed.

Trust me, he said.

She trusted him..had he not trusted her? She had told him he could...

They had promised no secrets. That was something they agreed. They were bonded eternally, they trusted each other, there would be no secrets. She kept none from him.

Why did he keep them from her?

Did he think she would react poorly?

Did he not trust her?

With a heavy sigh she sat up in bed, her glow fading and her eyes squinting against the sunlight filling the room. A glare was cast toward the window, her head shaking.  "You are as infuriating as him," she muttered just as a knock came to the door. A reminder she was not alone in the home.

"It still hurts so much, Wahid. How long is it going to hurt?" "Forever, it never really fades. That loss. But, it's up to you if it strengthens your resolve or leaves you a shadow of who you once were." "How did you do it..?" "I am still grieving. But, I remember them. I recall the best of times. I bask in the warmest memories. They took a piece of me with them. But, I carry on because I must. I must be the person they loved, even in their absence."

The best of times..

"You can call me a nickname if you'd like, or I can give you my name." "Lavender." "Lavender? Why that?" "You smell good. That, or Lilac. "  "I smell like roses!"     "Hey, it's my nickname. I could call you Rafflesia instead." "You wouldn't dare!"

"Will you watch the stars with me? " "I will."

"You are the moon."

"Could I someday be your queen? Your Goddess? You could become my King or my God, perhaps?" "You are my Goddess. I am your God."

"How was it? Dying?" "Dying? Ehn..I imagine actual death may be much more satisfying." "Forever...and always." The constant I love yous, the tender moments, watching the stars, being chased by him, laughing with him. Being in his arms. Looking into his eyes. Feeling him. His passion. His pain. His love. His lust. His power. His strength.

Genovelin now sat in a garden, her back pressed against the stone wall and her knees hugged to her chest. She gazed up at the sky, her head tipped back against the stone.

But, it's up to you if it strengthens your resolve or leaves you a shadow of who you once were.

She frowned, lowered her head, and looked to her surroundings. A shadow of who you once were.

"Act with magic. Act within reason. Act without mercy."

She would fix this. She had to. She had to fix this. She could fix this.

She was no longer in the garden, she was instead hidden among the trees of a forest. The dull heel of a tall boot settled around a branch, a hand curls around another branch to keep herself supported as she slowly contorted and shifted among the leaves. It was a slow descent from the branches toward the unsuspecting Sylvari below her, but without a cry of warning the woman suddenly dropped down upon the being, a dagger in hand that slammed down into their back as the pair dropped together to the ground. Terror filled the air, an empathy of fear and despair that danced and mingled with one of joy and excitement, an erratic buzzing of glee and malice, until the second empathy disappeared.

Trust me.

Act without mercy.

[genovelin]

Mine

She couldn't remember how long they had laid there. Hours, perhaps? It could have been days and weeks for all she cared. She didn't even recall when Kilian picked her up off the ground, cradling the happily exhausted Duchess to his chest. She didn't recall what he whispered to her, not even the kiss he gave her before they started on their way home. It was very likely she fell asleep halfway there until something jostled her awake.

Everything ached. A pleasant ache, of course. Her head was swimming, she couldn't do anything more than rest in Kilian's arms as the man carried her back to the court. There was concern at the gate of course, guards immediately noticing her ruined dress and the sap bleeding from her face, her throat, her chest. She wanted to tell them it wasn't so bad, that it honestly just looked worse than it truly was, that she had never been more in love in her life as she was with her dangerous and terrible Star; Genovelin could only hope her pleased empathy would be enough to comfort them. At talk of a mender she had tried to agree, but Kilian simply called them off and continued up the ramp to their shared chambers. The door was locked and sealed, no entry permitted by order of the Baron. And the next thing she knew the tattered remains of her dress were being ripped off of her bleeding body, though she cared not where it was tossed aside to. She was too in a daze, too focused on just wanting to press her lips to any part of Kilian she could reach. He touched her more tenderly, tipping her chin back to catch her lips for but a moment before he was gone. Where was she? Toxic-green eyes opened as her hand felt around, feeling soft pillows and a comfortable bed under her. Home. She was home again, and safe in bed. Where did Kilian go?

She sat up, supporting herself on her elbows and looking around in search of her beloved. He was still close by, she could feel him, but she couldn't see him until suddenly he had returned and was upon her. Genovelin found herself being picked up and carried, her lips seeking out his chin until she was lowered into water. A bath. A warm bath that smelled of jasmine, mixing with the rose scent her sap gave off. He was in shortly after her, fitting himself behind her and shifting with her until the Duchess was between his legs and her back against his chest. She sighed as she tipped her head back to rest it on his shoulder, purring low in her throat when she felt tender kisses following the lines of her cuts and scratches. As he kissed her his hands traveled, carefully cleaning the cuts on her chest and stomach; this time they weren't spread open or worsened, now was the time for healing. And he was showing great care to the cuts on her chest, her stomach, her throat. Cuts he inflicted either with his claws or his armor. She couldn't even feel the cuts anymore, or the sore, aching areas his armor had been shoved into and against, or where the tree or the hard stone had slammed into her back. It was all replaced by pleasure, pure adoration for the man holding her, cleaning and tending to the wounds he had inflicted. The only sounds between the two were the splashing of water in the bath and Genovelin's occasional happy sound, Kilian was otherwise silent, though not unpleasantly so. One of her arms lifted out of the water to reach back behind his head and comb her fingers up through his fronds, her head moving back as well to catch his chin with a light scrape of teeth followed by a kiss, earning herself a low chuckle and a kiss to her forehead in return. Her other hand came up then to keep his face close, her eyes closing as she turned to lie on her side instead of her back.

The washing stopped as strong arms wrapped around her and held her against his chest, for once not crushing her to his body and keeping his grasp on her tender and affectionate as opposed to the demanding and possessive nature he had shown her just hours ago. She felt his face in her fronds, the way he nuzzled her head and kissed at her. Her face turned to press against his chest, a hand seeking out his to thread her delicate fingers between his own and squeeze his hand, his much larger body enveloping his smaller Duchess.

This was it. This was what she wanted. This moment right here. Someone who would call her his, only his and no one else's. Someone who she didn't have to share with someone else. Someone whose heart was hers. Someone who brought her pain, but not to hurt her.

Someone she could see herself with forever, and not just for a few passionate hours. A beloved, a dearly beloved.

"Don't tell anyone, but this... this is the sort of moment I've dreamt of. The passion is all well and good, don't get me wrong. But there's something to the...quiet reflection of a moment like this."

He was right. His voice echoed in her memories and in her ear as the baron scooped her up out of the bath and carried her to bed, whispering lowly into her ear as he did. They settled in bed, his body still wrapped around her own and holding her against him. She didn't want to leave his arms, not now and not ever. And she was so exhausted as it was, she could barely murmur an  'I love you' to him before finally falling asleep.

Mine.

[genovelin]

Despair of Conviction

Genovelin stormed into her home with enough force to startle Astraea into running up the stairs and away from her angry owner. The door was slammed closed again, and the moment it was shut she felt all of the adrenaline that had gotten her from Ebonhawke to Kessex completely evaporate from her body. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor, landing on her hands and knees with her head bowed and slowly sinking down to lay on the floor. She had time before Baelfire would be returning, she had time to work on her composure. Her entire body hurt. It ached. It trembled. It felt as if she was literally dying. Her throat felt as if it was closing in on itself, making it difficult to breathe and impossible for her to even utter a word if she wanted to. Her chest was too tight, and for the briefest moment of clarity she wondered how a being could handle having a heart when they felt this way; sure she was aware that such a thing wasn’t actually possible, but she still wondered how they kept their hearts from being crushed when their chests did this. Instead of the sounds of the waves outside, her home was filled with her sobs. The dagger feeling was still there, the one she had told Ciabhan. There was a dagger in her chest, it was heated and painful, and whoever had put it there was twisting it around and around and around. It didn't stop, it wouldn't stop, it just kept turning. The black veil fell over her face and obscured her from an audience who was not physically in the room. She screamed, she cried, she released her despair in the privacy of her own home where no one would disturb her. Where no one would know. Except she had no privacy, not these days. Despair and heartbreak turned to rage and she managed to prop herself up on her elbows, still lying on her stomach, her body still shaking with sobs and cries. She wasn't alone. She was never alone. Even in her own damn home she was constantly under watch. Even when Baelfire was there she was being watched. He knew where she lived. He knew where she slept. He knew her friends. He knew the intensity of her affection for her lover. He probably thought he knew everything. But did he really know Genovelin, the Knight of Conviction? "I hate you," she choked out. Genovelin got up on her hands and knees. "I hate you." She rose to shaky feet, her hands out and ready to catch her. She stepped on the hem of her long dress and nearly fell, managing to catch herself on the wall. "I. HATE YOU!" Genovelin approached the kitchen area, tearing her veil from her head and tossing it on the floor. She then grabbed one of her knives, one with a sharpened blade meant for cutting meat, and she held the handle so tightly she felt the strain on the skin of her knuckles and the bite of her nails in her palm. She lifted the knife, held it with the blade pointed toward her chest, and jerked it toward her with enough force to break through-- She stopped with the tip of the blade a hair's breadth away from actually making contact with her body. Genovelin's hand trembled and she dropped the knife away like the handle was on fire. Both hands came up to clamp over her mouth as she stumbled backwards out of the kitchen, wide eyes set on the knife she had just thrown. "What am I doing.." she asked no one. "What am I..what...I.." Her hands moved up to bury in her fronds and grasp her scalp. She muttered incoherently to herself and began to pace around the room. It was too much. There were too many emotions. She couldn't stop crying, she couldn't make the pain go away. What was wrong with her? Pain is the foundation of Nightmare, Ciabhan had said to her. Yes, good, she agreed..but Genovelin would rather endure his torture chamber for two weeks than deal with this pain for the few hours it had been. Nehalenn was dead. Baelfire was hurt. Ciabhan pushed her away. Nehalenn was dead. Baelfire was hurt. Ciabhan pushed her away. Nehalenn was dead. Baelfire was hurt. Ciabhan pushed her away. Nehalenn was dead. Baelfire was hurt. Ciabhan pushed her away. He died. He hurt. He said just go. Baelfire..was hurt... It wasn't fair. She wanted her happy reunion. No doubt Nehalenn had enjoyed one last happy night with Baelfire before his death. Bitter hatred bubbled up and she screamed again. She didn't know what to do. Genovelin didn't know how to handle this, she didn't know how to recover from an emotional overload of this kind. Ciabhan pushed her away. He was sad. He was hurting. He wouldn't let her do anything. He knew she hated to fail, he knew she didn't like being idle, he knew she couldn't stand to feel useless. He let her be all of those things..and then he told her to leave. "Mother, father," she whimpered as she fell to her knees again and once again crumpled to the floor in a heap. Genovelin let out a strangled cry, one that she lost herself to for several minutes until her voice became too hoarse and her throat felt too tight to let out sound. Was that it? Had she cried her last tear? She hoped she had. Coughing heavily, Genovelin managed to pull herself back up to her feet. Her breath occasionally still hiccuped and caught in her throat when a sob would threaten to overtake her again. She felt weak, completely drained of all energy. Genovelin could talk a big game all she wanted, but in the end she was still just a young little sapling still learning about the word. She wasn't prepared for things like this, she dealt with death on a constant basis just by being a Necromancer, and being a Courtier made it all the more prevalent. She had liked Nehalenn, sure..and she loved Baelfire, yes, and she adored Ciabhan... But this wasn't about them. Not really. Genovelin approached a mirror and gazed at her reflection. She had done a number on her face. There were two thorns missing, and her eyes were swollen and puffy from all of her crying. Baelfire couldn't return to this. With a sigh and a hiccup of breath she trudged up the stairs where Astraea hid terrified under the large bed. Genovelin didn't bother her. Instead she headed straight for a basin she filled with water from the pitcher beside it to work on meticulously cleaning her face and washing away the sap from having ripped off a few thorns. Just one night. All she wanted was one night with Baelfire, even if she never saw him again after tonight. Just one night. Even if nothing happened. Even if they just sat in the same room together while he brooded in a seat and stared out the window and she fell asleep on the sofa. She had missed him, she had worked so hard to bring him back, and now all of her efforts were ruined. Because of them. But this wasn't about them. This wasn't about Baelfire, or Ciabhan, or Nehalenn. Genovelin was feeling..things. Things she didn't like, things she refused to feel ever again. She wanted to be selfish, she wanted her charismatic lover, the man who called her Queen and Princess and made her feel adored and cherished; Genovelin wanted back a sense of normalcy and stability, something she had been lacking for months. Most important, Genovelin wanted her life back. She pat her face dry with a face cloth and changed from her extravagant dress into a simple black, silk robe to wear around the house. On quiet step she returned to the downstairs and scoured her bookcases. It had been some time since she had felt anything, that tingle of pain, that burning sensation that threatened to blow one of her limbs off or kill her in an unspeakably gruesome way. She plucked a book off a shelf. "Act with magic, act within reason...act without mercy.." she muttered to herself while opening the book and glancing over the pages. Nothing. No pain, no burning, no threats. A slow grin started to form on Genovelin's face. This was her chance. It was possible he could still hear and see, but he couldn't just kill her with a single thought. She could finally find a way to fight back, to fend him off. Fight a necromancer as a necromancer, not a whimpering little sapling. She grabbed two more books and carried the three in her arms to the chair by the window, sitting content to read for the first time in what felt like ages. Baelfire returned, and Genovelin stopped reading. She put the books away, she straightened out her robe to show she was not out to tempt him, and she made her way upstairs. Any affection from him was minimal at best, but even still Genovelin would not force it out of him; she reciprocated what she was given and nothing more. Her only demand was to be held as she went to sleep, a selfish request she made quite happily. There was a pang of sorrow in her chest when he was around, heartbreak over seeing him in the state he was in, but Genovelin remained strong. She had a composure to keep, an image to uphold, and she would not break it in front of him. She awoke in the middle of the night to find him gone and she frowned, her hand splaying out in the empty portion of the bed he had been occupying before. She didn't get up, didn't panic, didn't go after him..she simply went back to sleep. It surprised her the next morning to find herself in his arms once more, a pleasant surprise at least. But she didn't stay there long, she was quick to climb out of bed and head downstairs once again. Breakfast would be laid out for him and for Astraea, but she would be gone when it was finished, leaving behind only a note for Baelfire: My Star, There is a reason I am calling you my Star. If you ever wish to know, you need only ask, I would be more than happy to explain it to you. Enjoy the breakfast, it's yours. You said you wanted to taste my cooking; breakfast is my second favorite thing to prepare, I'm quite pleased that for once I am able to do it before you do. I apologize if I am too emotional. I have not felt like myself lately, mostly for the past few months. It is not something I enjoy, nor is it something I intend on letting continue. I chose Conviction as my title for a reason, and it's time I start acting as the Knight I was taught and expected to be. I intend to be a Countess by the end of next year, and I won't get there by letting my heart slow me down. Loss is not something I am familiar with, but death is something I know well. It effects others more than it does myself. To me, death is not an end nor entirely a loss, but for others it is. The Count suggested there may not even be a body for you to recover, please do not be reckless. Seeing you and the Count pains me, and I do not like it. I feel useless, and that frustrates me. I care too much for the both of you to allow myself to appear as some emotional sapling who can't control her tears. I'm better that, and I always have been. You saw it, the Count saw it, and my knights saw it, even your Duke in the Arbor saw it in the singular time I have met him. I'm not used to opening myself up to others, so excuse me if I'm too revealing. I will not be forcing you to do anything you do not wish. Do not do something because you think I expect it from you, do it because it is something you well and truly desire. I will not be making you stay the night with me again, but not because I do not wish to be in your company. It isn't safe for you, as much as it pains me to say, but I find it hard to resist wanting to be close to you. Baelfire, I want you in any and every way I can have you, and I can never get enough of you. You brighten my darkest days, and with you I feel immeasurably happy, more happy than I possibly deserve to have attained so easily or at all. I know so little of you and every glimpse of yourself that you allow me makes me want to know more, it makes me want to know everything. But I can't let you tell me any of that, not right now. Right now I just miss your laughter, your smiles, the way you would wink at me as you walked past. I missed the way you would kiss me, especially when you would dip me back to do so. I even loved it when you did it in public, I stopped caring after the first time. I missed your touch and passion, the way you made me feel worshiped when we were alone. The little things you do, the things that suggest you're more than a "dumb blue plant". I missed hearing you call me Princess Perfect, and I loved the way you called me your Queen. I missed you more than I can properly express into words. And I feel as if it's all being taken away from me again, and it's my own fault. It's nothing you have done. I'm going to get it back, I'm going to actually do something about it. I recently visited Orr, and while I was there I found a mural of Abaddon in the Vizier's Tower with an inscription that read,

Act with magic, act within reason, act without mercy.

I intend to do all three of those. So continue to call me your Queen, otherwise it would be confusing for you to fall back to Princess only to find you need to call me Queen again later. There are very few things I will not drop to come to you if you call upon me, but please be sure to do so in a way that I know it is truly you and not someone pretending to be you. Please keep your word not to do anything stupid. And please make sure Astraea finishes her breakfast before you leave. Always and truly yours, Queen Perfect Genovelin, Knight of Conviction

[genovelin]

Genovelin slept the entire night through. She tossed and she turned, crying and screaming in her sleep to the point where for a time two menders had had to hold her down and keep her from unleashing magic that had been suppressed for a week. They sedated her, helped her sleep, helped her keep from dreaming. It was hours before she finally awoke, and no one actually knew when she did. The Knight laid there in her cot and just stared blankly up at the ceiling, her empathy giving off unsteady waves of regret and shame, and a twinge of fury. No one spoke to her, they saw to her wounds and let her be.

She laid there and she stared at the ceiling of the infirmary. Genovelin didn't take her eyes off it, not even when a mender came to see to her wounds. Every now and then she could wince, groan, and throw her head back; her jaw would clench and her teeth would grit together, her eyes closed tightly and her fist clenched as much as it could given her hand's condition. At one point she let out a strangled cry of agony, the sound was more about the emotion than the volume, it was barely heard except by those around her.

And then, as suddenly as the pain hit her, it stopped.

  Genovelin slept again. The next time she awoke there was less of a commotion from her. She muttered to herself, she looked over her hand and picked at the clothes she didn't even know she owned. "I don't know who dressed me.." She said in a quiet voice. "I need to thank him.." was also heard from her. She was then muttering to herself again.

Eventually she managed to sit up, clearly exhausted by..everything. A mender came to her side, a face she didn't recognize but someone who bowed to her all the same. Genovelin frowned. "How are you feeling, Dame?"

"Awful," she answered without missing a beat, earning herself a disapproving look from the mender. Genovelin's eyes narrowed. "If you want me to say I'm feeling fine, ask me when my arm is regrown and I don't feel as if I'm going to pass out when I blink."

The mender nodded. "Of course, Dame Conviction." Genovelin raised her hand to wave the mender off in dismissal. They nodded and turned to leave as desired, however they only managed three steps before Genovelin seemed to change her mind. She frowned and looked down toward her stomach, putting a hand against it.

"Wait," she called out, "I'm hungry." When the mender turned they caught her rubbing her stomach with a grimace. The Knight settled back against her pillows. Her gaze turned up toward the ceiling again and she sighed. She shifted, looking uncomfortable in her own skin.

"...Of course, Dame. I'll see something brought to you immediately. If..I may. There has been quite a fuss about you, the Count--"

"I didn't ask you for gossip I asked you for food," Genovelin hissed in a harsh tone, effectively cutting off the mender who just frowned and bowed their head. "Now."

"Yes, of course. My apologies, Dame." The mender then left Genovelin to her thoughts. Alone at last, Genovelin sighed and closed her eyes.

"The most important person in my world," she murmured, shaking her head. "The most important.."

[genovelin]

The writing is shaky, the pressure increased here and there where she struggled to keep composure.

  65th day of Phoenix

Why yes, I just love ending my night with a letter like that. What letter? Oh, nothing special. Just <whatever was written here originally has been crossed out beyond legibility> Those idiots!

If he dies because of them, I will see to it every single one of them suffers the same fate.

[genovelin]

This letter is not included in the journal.

  To the Duke of Obscurity, the Marquise of Truth, and their Retinue,

  The Duke has tasked me with seeing to it that our court receives a regular shipment of supplies that we cannot otherwise make on our own. This includes things such as ore, minerals, tools for blacksmithing, and whatever else I find will be necessary with the help of those in our court who are knowledgeable on such things. He would prefer this to be done without constantly needing to raid caravans; the risk of such action could mean that there are less deliveries to Caledon outposts or perhaps even a complete cutoff should things escalate too far.

I have and still am considering all possibilities, and so far I find the best method is to control the routes as needed. This could be done any number of ways, the least obvious being to infiltrate the Lionguard directly, or even their caravans. It is not something that can or will be done overnight, but it is not impossible. Here is what I have in mind:

Pose as a member of the Lionguard. This will require a disguise that I will provide for myself, and would be made easier with forged paperwork proving my authenticity should anyone question it. I have never done that kind of thing myself, I would need to either be taught or be sent to someone who knows how to do it.

From there I will study their patrol routes, their delivery routes and times, and where they come from, and what kind of personnel they usually prefer to use. I will take note of any and all procedures I am able to observe and learn of when dealing with their outgoing deliveries. I will check in regularly, give updates and findings as I go along.

Eventually I will have two options, I can either have deliveries forged and written to go to a location of my choosing or I can take the more direct route and put myself and ‘hired muscle’ on the escort team. The additional help would be Courtiers from our own ranks.

I will need to set up a delivery point. It cannot be the den, it’s too blatant. We will set up a camp or two, a developing outpost in dire need of supplies to start building and developing. With how long Bay Haven is taking it could hardly be considered suspicious activity if progress is slow. If suspicion arises I will look into either changing locations or quelling the uncertainty.

As long as my cover is not blown I can keep this up and continue these deliveries for as long as able. The Duke requested a weekly or monthly delivery, I think weekly deliveries would become too obvious, but spacing them apart would be doable and safe. I am also open to suggestions and inquiries on anything I may not have included in this letter.

Regards,

Knight of Conviction

[genovelin]

60th day of Phoenix

I have had less and less desire to sit down and write. I have been feeling..well, antsy. Bored, anxious, unable to sit still. It's been very unlike me and I'm not sure if I like it or not. But I approached the Duke about it, I don't care that he mocked me for asking for help. What did he expect? That I would break down in tears? Oh, your grace! Please! Do not say such hurtful things! Please! I only ask for your guidance! Pah. I'll tell him his fronds are dumb again.

I need new material. I can only make fun of his fronds and his mask and constant captures for so long before they grow stale and lose their potency.

However, I finally have a task. Something to occupy myself. I've lost my sense of direction and my map is in pieces, I don't know what's happened. Where did I go so off course? I've actually gone through these pages, and I feel as if I can almost pin where I fell off track..but it's so difficult to get back on it. Conversions were something I wanted, something I still enjoy. I love them. And educating our aspirants and fresh squires has been entertaining; the things I can make them do with a simple command, I like the power. I still wish to see every one of our siblings see truth as I have, to see everything Nightmare has to offer. It is as beautiful as it is dangerous, dark and mysterious, powerful and deadly...like a rose with large thorns. I want them all to see the folly of their ways. What will it take? Kind word? Torture? The destruction of another city like Lion's Arch.

For all of her stupidity and tactlessness there was one thing Scarlet did right; she revealed the true darkness in the hearts of those not Sylvari, their true colors are beginning to come out now. It is slow, and mostly quiet, but it is there. I see it when I pass a Lionguard outpost and they give me dirty looks, or they give the Sylvari watchmen grueling tasks while they snigger behind his back. I see it when I stroll through Divinity's Reach, the whispers and hushed voices of their human nobility. I hear it when I am in Lion's Arch most of all, naturally. I feel their stares, and I know I have been followed at least once, and I myself have been berated simply for existing. Those idiots. Scarlet was an idiot, but a genius. I almost want to thank her.

  Almost.

  I have been spending more time with Baelfire. He is annoying, a pest, and completely obnoxious. He makes me angry and often times I wish to strike that smug look right off his face. I can see your smile under the shadows of your hood, Baelfire. I'm not blind. Oh, but I adore you. I spend all day being nice to everyone, all day being polite and proper and ensuring that everyone likes me..but with you, I relax. I do not have to be nice, I do not even have to be ladylike. You come off as a boorish brute with little to offer in terms of intelligent conversation, but I have seen better from you and know it not to be true; you're not as stupid as you act. I can honestly say I do not trust many, and I certainly do not trust blindly. I trust you, Baelfire.

Get close to him, the Duke said. Find out what he wants from you, he demanded. I'm not sure he would approve of how close I have allowed him to get to me.

  Oops?

  I'm sure he knew I was annoyed when he refused to teach me. Does he think so little of me that I could not handle myself or his methods? I can take handle anything he throws at me, I simply need the opportunity to show him.

No matter. Have it your way. For now I will accept being your Pouting Princess, because I like the way you look at me when you call me that, but I will see to it that one day you call me your Queen.

  Hm..Queen. I like the sound of that.

  I need to earn that right, however. I refuse to stop at knighthood. I am better than that. I am better than them. I will continue to rise, I refuse to remain stagnant. But I cannot rise simply because 'everyone likes me', I have to earn it properly..not just because I'm the only one who isn't an idiot on a nearly daily basis.

Sometimes I just get so tired of being nice.

I need to speak with Ciabhan, see if I am able to get what I asked for from him. I also need to write a formal proposal on what I plan on doing for the Duke so he and the retinue can approve of it and give their input.

I also need to push Braedinth into being more social. She has problems with answering my questions verbally and that is unacceptable; I will drill it into her until she complies without hesitation.

I need a new house. It was nice living outside of the den for the short time that I did, but I do not think I want to live in a city again. Perhaps I can find someone to grow me a lovely home somewhere in Caledon or Brisban. I need a place that is mine and only mine, a sanctuary I can escape to. A haven I can collect myself.

A home of my own. I have been feeling so trapped in the den and it entirely my fault, there is not a single person I can blame except myself.

I have gotten...lazy. There is no other word for it. Like a spoiled, fat housecat I have become lazy and unproductive.

  That ends today.

[genovelin]

Per the norm, this entry is written neatly and elegantly.

  37th day of Phoenix

I did it. I was knighted. I am now no longer Genovelin, Squire of the Duality, but Genovelin, Knight of Conviction. I had a few titles in mind for myself but..Conviction suits me best. It was both more difficult yet easier to choose my own title than I thought it would be. I only get one chance, it had to be perfect and reflect me in the best way possible.

  I am happier right now than I have been in a long time.

  There is still so much to do. Four debts to fulfill with one of them already successfully completed. I'm glad that one is finished, it seemed to be one of the most difficult and risky ones of the debts my fellow Thorns chose. There is really only one other I worry for, but I'm confident we can pull it off as long as everyone keeps focus.

Moonshade is proving to be more intriguing than I initially gave him credit for. At first I considered him strange, another Vorvouros. And I was correct! He is strange but not in the same manner. I think I might like him. He has good ideas and good intentions in regards to improvement of the court. How funny he should drag me into assisting him with his little idea. Why not. Everyone else does. Not that I mind some of the things I have been volunteered for without my consent, I will admittedly do anything that continues to improve my image and keep me in good graces with those around me, but this is becoming an annoying trend. As a Squire I understand, but I am a knight now. This will stop.

A question I have been receiving lately is..how does it feel to be knighted? Wonderful, really. I have been waiting for this for months. I now have my own title and rank to stand on instead of feeling as if I am borrowing from another. I even have a squire now. Braedinth is quite wonderful, she thoroughly impressed me last night with the task I gave her. Not only did she bring me more than I asked for and expected of her, she did it without any harm to herself and without drawing unwanted attention. I wish I could have witnessed for myself what she did.

  Next time.

  I will need to teach her more than Nightmare, she is quite young. Still a sapling! She is a budding Necromancer, I look forward to teaching her. I don't think I could have picked a better squire for my first. Noxceus has also approached me with interest of being my squire and quite honestly, while I do not entirely dislike him, I am not sure I can handle two squires yet. I know there are knights who have more at a time sometimes, but I am new to this. It is one thing to educate Aspirants, it is another to have a personal squire who is my responsibility. I will do my best, but as the Duke said quite some time ago, leading and teaching is about understanding balance.

If Noxceus can make me laugh I will take him on. Hopefully Zephel did not fuck up so badly that he taught Noxceus nothing and I have to start from scratch with him.

And on top of that there is the ball I have been asked to assist Baroness Sensations with...

I have so much I need to do, I cannot allow myself to drop any of it. It may be time soon to delegate some of my work to others I can trust will successfully carry it out. Where do I even begin?

[genovelin]

For the first time in quite some time this entry is written with energy and life, the script written as lovely as it ever has been.

  21st day of Phoenix

Things are finally, finally back on track to returning as they should be. There are a few matters that still need to be taken care of but right at this moment I have no concern for them. I have earned my tokens, the ones I need to finally ascend to knighthood. I had worried when Ciabhan advised me to take them that upon the Duke's return he would be displeased that I had gone ahead and done them without his formal consent, however it was..well received from him. Something about him has definitely changed, and I both can and can't quite place what it is. He actually offered me tea.

  He never offered me anything when I was living with him and Mother.

  I was tempted to call him Father simply to see how he would react, but I refrained. I have also never seen him so decorated except at the ball that was held months ago. The doing of the Arbor, perhaps? He was also more loquacious than usual. He actually asked how I was doing. He has never asked how I am doing before, not even when I have been injured or traumatized by one of his fear lessons. It was..nice? But different. Definitely different. I suppose for now it is nothing to be concerned about. He said his stay in the Arbor was 'enlightening' and that he learned things there.

  I am curious what he learned. I suppose we shall find out tomorrow.

  The Marquise has also changed just a little. It was not as shocking as being asked 'how are you doing?' by the Duke of Obscurity, but it was definitely noticeable to those who know her, I think. Aside from her fronds, there was a certain energy about her that she had been lacking shortly before her arrest. It was so wonderful to see her again, I cannot even describe the joy I felt in having her back, in seeing her reaction to everyone who joined us in retrieving her. I will have to recall who went so I can thank them for coming, even those who had never met her. I'm sure Ciabhan did not entirely approve of how I greeted her, but when my Mother asks for a hug who am I to deny a Marquise her demands? Calm down, Ciabhan, I understand the importance of detachment.

Another difference was her excitement in disposing of those Wardens. I have never seen her quite that riled up before. I'm sure she left a wonderful impression on our new aspirants and squires with her quick action and command, it was certainly an exciting venture. Has she perhaps given up her goal to win over the Dreamers with flowers and honey? The method has its merits, but it does not seem to be something that will work on everyone..namely those in Cathal. From what little interaction I have had with them on a 'personal' level very few of them are willing to listen to reason and only communicate with pain and torment.

  Oh well.

  So I am to be knighted soon. This is something I have looked forward to for months. I have waited for this moment for so long, to finally have these three tokens on my desk excites me and yet also makes me anxious. I will be on my own now, no longer will I need to look to the Marquise or the Duke in silence query for approval. My own title, my own rank. No longer will I be Squire of the Duality, a rank which has taken me to surprising lengths; earned an audience with and the favor of a Duke, the love of knights, the friendship of a Count and a Baron, the approval of a Baroness. I have been referred to as 'princess' and treated as such. Several have gone out of their way to offer me protection, an action which both flatters and startles me as I am unused to such declarations. Will any of this continue once I am knighted? Will the aspirants and my fellow Squires see me differently, perhaps, when they now need to bow to someone who earlier in the day they did not? Though some already bow, how will they be when it becomes required?

Yes, of course I will insist on it. I have worked myself to exhaustion and beyond for this. I have earned it. If they do not understand now they will understand when they are also knighted.

Naturally I will carry on as I always have. I see no reason to change simply because I will be a knight instead of a squire. I will have more power, some more sway and command, but myself? I am no different today than I was yesterday..though I am different today than several months ago.

  At least I am sitting on more gold than I was some months ago. Thank you, my fallen star.

  Tomorrow is no doubt going to be a long day. I look forward to it.

[genovelin]

Per usual, this entry is written neatly and elegantly in Genovelin's careful script.

  7th day of Phoenix

I find it more and more difficult to find the drive to write these. It feels as if I am writing the same thing over, and over, and over. Things are tense, people are tired, emotionally drained and exhausted, blah, blah, blah, blah..

Vaedrallis and I met with the Duke of Mirage the other night. It was fascinating to finally see the Arbor, its vast size is nearly overwhelming! And the Duke himself was very...accommodating and hospitable. It certainly did not go as expected but I do believe Vaedrallis and I have charmed him, I both dread and look forward to whatever it is he wishes of us in payment for assisting us in returning our Duality to their rightful place.

  He allowed us to see Mother.

  There are no words that will do justice to how infuriated I was by the sight of her condition. I wish to see Avarice destroyed but I know full well I cannot do it myself given I am only a squire. However, the desire is there and it is great. So very great. I hated what Mother told us to do, I hated it so much, but she had a very good point. But still, I can't..

I had also imagined being told I could undergo my trials to be a joyous and momentous occasion. Though the permission is granted in the event of an emergency, the fact that I have that 'if' at all was enough to startle me. I have wanted it so much for so long. I am so ready to be knighted, so ready for my trials. If only the circumstances could have been more ideal and not cramped in a tiny little cell that just barely fit the three of us.

Please, brothers and sisters, be cooperative. There is more at stake than simply the lives of our leaders, do you not see that? Our court, our lives are also in danger.

  I grow tired of writing and saying the same thing day after day.

[genovelin]

This entry is written, as usual, neatly..though plainly in comparison to its usual elegance.

  89th day of Zephyr

Things have not improved at all. Have I killed our Duality by speaking out against the Margrave? I had not intended to, I would have resumed what I had been doing before and bide my time until someone had come up with a plan, or I had. But to see him strike Helianthum down in such a way, to know that he would be returning to us and possibly worse than before now that he had been angered by the Duchess..I could not bear the thought of seeing him torment my court any longer, I refused to accept him. The only leaders I will accept are mine.

Mother, Father. I am so sorry. I feel as if last night was partially my fault. Kai tells me not to worry, that had it not been me it would have been him, or someone else. But I spoke out in rebellion and everyone else..joined me. They attacked him, they locked him in a cage, all because someone said what they were thinking out loud. I am so sorry if I sealed your fate, Mother, Father, my Duality. I will do anything to bring you back. But what can I do? I can speak highly, I can peacock around and present myself as one of title and rank, I can speak with Aspirants and other Squires as much as I like, but can I rally anyone? Can I carry on acting as a knight would, as you wish me to? I am only a Squire. What can I do?

  I can do Squire things.

  If only I could see you. Just once. Even if you are bloodied and beaten, even if you are unconscious, I would not lose even an ounce of the respect I have for the two of you. I can stand without you, I can, but I am just so tired. The Court will fall to pieces without you unless Virtuosity and Resilience can bring it back together after what occurred last night. I have been asked to rally the squires and aspirants to aid. We need to be a united front, we cannot keep trying to do things alone. We are a court, not a band of individuals who know nothing of strategy.

  I approve of Ciabhan's plan, it is the safest route, but it will take so long.

  There must be something I can do. I cannot allow myself to be crippled by a rank, as it is only a word, but I cannot help but hesitate when I remember that to the Arbor I am just a Squire of a Duke and a Marquise under incarceration, I am not a knight, or a baroness, I hold so little weight to them. They would perhaps even see me as expendable. Oh, they have a second one, it isn't a big deal if they lose one for being an insolent, whining sapling.

  I can only hope the Court listens, and that we can form a united front to see the return of our leaders and our order.