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beowulfs-booty-call · 7 years

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1 13 15 30

Had to listen to Studio Killers for this ask because I can just feel the maturity for this one.

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

Imagine, me and someone at a café somewhere. Maybe the city, maybe their hometown, maybe even my own spot.

The place is warm, the weather is slightly cold, but not too cold you can’t wear just a flannel and jeans (Wow, Beo, real easy subtle there.) but we just sit inside this real cozy cafe, its all old school, there’s jazz by George Benson playing like this

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We’re locking eyes, me and them. The drinks are warm, but they’re not scalding, I’m writing in my little travel journal about the place, about the atmosphere, so on, maybe even doodles of the person.

There’s light jokes strewn here and there, there’s nothing stiff about it, there’s fingers graze across mine on accent, and we both recline back out of fluster and second hand embarrassment. The person and I both apologize, but I tell ‘em I don't mind, it was warm. Slowly, we put our hands together and we can't get them off, we’re holding hands together, sipping our drinks and just talking about life, our hopes and dreams, the good stuff chai lattes were made for.

The song’s picking up pitch, they know I’m tapping to the beat as the rain starts coming down. It’s light, it’s cool, and I’ve no umbrella with me, just me, my backpack, and my wallet/keys/phone. I gesture out to the rain, they nod.

We don’t know where we’re going, but we take our drinks and dash out in the rain like children. The song’s stuck in my head, like some big montage in a musical number, we hit up merchant shops, gemstone and oddities stores, my eyes bug out when I noticed a skull box or a cursed mirror for sale.

The entire me and that person don’t let go of each other’s hands, they’re stuck and we don’t give a damn. I roll up my sleeves to buckle down to nab us something to eat but its just comedic, I flip up, the person can’t help but laugh because I messed up an order (like I ordered chicken but the person brings a lobster dinner fit for two) and things are okay, I’ve nothing on my calendar or scheduled so it’s an adventure.

And we end it at midnight, watching the stars and moon, my flannel’s all roughed up from some of the coffee they drank, and my shirt’s beginning to smell like them, because we’re cuddling on the grass on a hill overlooking the moon and clouds. My collars all wrinkled, I have a smudge of food still on my cheek that’s smudged off, and my ears are all red.

We whisper sweet little nothings to each other, and its a big old debate whether or not to really get up. When we do, though, it’s still the fact that the night’s here and people have to sleep.

How we get home, no one knows, but we do, wether by truck or train. And we part, the person and I, maybe a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek, but I feel something slipped into my pocket, or in my hands, or even when I leave I check for my keys and find something.

A little thing to remind myself of that date, maybe the receipt of the cafe where someone scrawled “You two look great together...!” or maybe a trinket from a shop.

All I know is, I’d never forget being someone’s adventure that day, or being someone’s travel partner.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

I actually didn’t think there was the LGBT until about a good well number of years back. Yes, I knew about drag queens and other themes of the LGBT com. and such, but man, when I was younger I was fostered on the “You’re going to hell if you like the same gender or want to be the gender you felt you should have been born as” and Ironically when around the same time I became a witch, I realized the community was there.

You see, I knew about the community, but not as the official term, much less, the community was more than few people. It was terrible feeling that way, because I was in the closet for so very long. It was terrible being yelled at for crossing my legs or accidentally saying, “Well, I think you look good, so, I like you like that.” to some guy in high school and having people gawk at you, or being called a woman by my own father because of my voice and because I gestured with my hands.

My sexuality was questioned a lot, because, I was rather vague about myself, I had my interests, and while I had my life in front of me, many times I felt alone because of it. Was there people who felt the same way as me? Were there others who felt it was fine falling in love with a man or woman?

Are my feelings valid?

I made the mistake of believing there weren’t people out there who supported my life or my being, because it was so easy seeing how we were treated because of it. We had the episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche’s brother was gay and he was the butt of a few jokes, but also Blanche’s rage until Sophia stepped in, we were and are the butt of jokes at times, including on tv and cartoons in implications, but we were there. And it hurt. I felt it was awful how we were restricted for being who we were, and I felt worse for really thinking there wasn’t people who wasn’t like me because of the way I feel about people.

But, that mistake belied that in the end, we weren't represented as much as we are now, and still need to be. Kids need that support and representation I for one, didn't receive until nowadays because it causes them to worry, as well as mistake the heteronormative way we grow up as the be all - end all, and that scared the shiitake mushrooms out of me back then. Your parents could love you, but would they love after you finally had the guts to say, “Hey, mom and dad, remember how there’s always the notion that a man and woman need to get married? Yeah, well, I as a guy, love both genders / Men.” is the fear most gay kids would have, and vice versa for Lesbians as well. Even worse for my trans peeps who felt uncomfortable with the gender they were assigned with / wanted to become the person they wanted to be (If my language isn’t appropriate, please do tell me, and I’ll tailor it as needed by you!). Like, it’s so easy to feel alone when you were never really represented as anything but, “Oh, xyz? Oh you mean (Insert trope like Lesbians being written off / flamboyant gay men / crossdressing as a “joke” trope)” And you get put off by it so much you try thinking, “maybe I’m wrong” or “Maybe, I will go to hell, because this is bad.” And it’s not. At. All.

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I somehow knew this was coming so, *Cracks knuckles* let’s get to it, Sailor Style™ :

I’m a huge Sailor Venus fan, so, I pride myself on being able to love many people and “types” of people, of both guys and gals.

Guys: BIG. THICC. MEN.

GIVE ME YOUR HAIRY, BIG, BELLIED AND SKINNY AND EVEN BUFF MEN WHO NEED SOME LOVING AND I AM HERE.

I love thicc guys because, well, I love the idea of having someone bigger than me on some aspects. That said, I’m kinda a big guy myself at 178 pounds and at 6′2 (I believe is the last I scaled myself or an inch off) and I also don’t mind someone smaller so to speak. Really, I’m the sort who falls for all kinds of men, because, I seriously love boys.

But I also love guys who know about themselves well enough too. I’m the guy who wants to share himself in a relationship. Not in the sense that I’m making it all about me, but in a relationship, imo, you’re sharing both of yourselves in it. Interests, love, commitment, it’s all there. I want to grow as a person and lover, and I want to share that growing person with someone. If you can’t handle that, you’d best find someone else, unfortunately.

Also, Daddy types are my thing too, I’m leaning onto the archetype too, lol, but that’s a different story all together. My thing is, if a guy is big, bonus points, he got a belly? Extra points. He got abs and or pecs to die for? He’s got me all the way there. Hairy? Love it. No hair? Just as nice.

Scared no one likes their body because they’re “too” (Skinny, big, etc etc) I’ll kiss them fears away. Confident in his life choices or isn’t as much and wants to better himself? Sign me tf up.

He can pay for my college ed because I can satisfy him? Fuck me up then.

Also like, jocks and bodybuilders are also kind of a thing for me with the way I train, but my guy, consider really nerdy guys who are like, big gentle giants and are really BIG and like dogs. Yes.

Pretty boys just don’t do it for me though.

They just don’t.

Girls: Really, I just love girls who are girls. Women are already kinda amazing on their own, so, like, the bar isn’t set up at all because in general I feel like if a girl is ready to share herself and sharing myself with her, we’re really fine.

If someone can match me in terms of books / literature, I give bonus points, but I just love girls who are confident in themselves. Like,

“I can make the fucking world burn, but you’d be damned if you cross me.”?

Yeah, I’m their biggest fan.

Really. Big women, small women, girls who read a lot, girls who exercise a lot, it doesn’t really “matter” per say because in the end, I know that I really do like them just being, well, themselves. It’s vague af compared to guys, and I apologize for that, but I lean more to guys, and girls wise, I’m more into the type of girl who can rock the world, and me, to the very core. So, when it comes to girls, I’m more submissive because I simply like girls who could really take me for a spin so to speak. (Plus I’m weak for women who could legit you know, suplex a guy.)

Realistically, strong women, girls who have no problem with a little meat on their bones or rolls on their bodies (We all have em tbh), really romantic girls.

Like, Allura is a great example of the type of girl I’m into. She’s strong, she’s intellectual about the galaxy and in the world as a whole, but she’s got purpose. Make her chubby, and she’s still the same Altean princess who can kick ass. Make her buff, and she can literally squat using the Paladins. It doesn’t change that I’d admire her still.

Apologies if it’s not more defined...!

Non Binary: Really, I can’t say per say, but really, both genders apply too. Like, if you are big, small, tall or short, it doesn’t matter. I’d still love someone who’s confident in themselves. It’s hard really explaining my types, because, I have never really organized them, so much as think of them. But, I’ll still fall in love with your scars, your rolls, your arms, legs, everything some way or another. I really do pride myself over that fact, small as it may seem to some.

Being able to lift me over her shoulders and bench press me or squat is a huge af bonus point award for both / all genders tbh.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

Know you’re not alone!!!I CAN’T STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!

Don’t be like me feeling icky because people told him being gay / bi was “Icky and sinful UwU”. Don’t be me who stayed up at night feeling like throwing up because I felt if I dreamed of falling in love with a man, I’d burn in hell. Don’t also ever feel guilty for looking at a guy or gal, and thinking, “Damn, I’d totally love to wake up in the morning next to them.”

(We can’t prove hell really exists, so, don’t also be indoctrinated to that idea either, kiddos.)

And, don't ever feel that you are gross because you are different. Celebrate it instead and be you when you’re able to, even if it’s online only, or even alone only. Those small celebrations are what makes life worth it.

Also, do find others who are LGBT too, because it HELPS, even if they’re only allies, being able to talk about things are all you need to worry at times, you don’t have to be out, but to your friends who understand? That’s a big relief imo.

Also, because I’m in one myself rn, don't be afraid to subtly express yourself the way you want to. Fashion wise, it’s slightly easier, words, “eh”, but if that means you watching a good LGBT repping show at night with earbuds, don’t even think a second thought and you tell me how it was.

You watch those shows that make you happy, and you do the same, but make sure to always look over your shoulder, always have a tab on yourself, and never give into the pressures people place on you. Never give the pressures keeping you back any chance. Online may be a safe space for you, maybe, the only one there is, but know, later on in life, you will be free to finally be you, and when you do?

I’ll be so proud of you. So, if you can’t be yourself outside the computer, don’t fret over it. You’ve a right to vent out to someone, much less, a therapist or even on your blog, but do right to yourself. If that means cutting off some people, do it. If that means not supporting their beliefs, by all means.

+ Don’t ever, ever, ever try to deny yourself if you really know yourself. You are your best friend in that scenario, because if you’re like me, you don’t really have anyone else near you or in front of yourself. So take care of yourself. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. And do not ever think for one second that you don’t belong or you don’t deserve to exist or live because you feel you are comfortable with someone of the same gender, or because you feel you should be yourself but haven't had the opportunity to do so because of society / your parents / other toxic stuff.

Instead, do your best, take it all in, cry if you can or want to when you’re alone, and push on and be the best fucking you there’ll ever be. Because honeys, if you can’t love yourself, who the hell is gonna love somebody else without some real self love? So be proud, be you on the inside, and keep on fighting till you’re away and ready to be you. You’re gonna be a wonderful person when you’re away from all this mess some day in the future. And I can’t wait to see the person you become / are, that day.

#Gosh #thanks for asking!#David #Wulfden #Girafari-g-irafarig #This took so much thinking...!#girafari-g-irafarig

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beowulfs-booty-call · 7 years

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The High Priestess, Strength, The Hermit, Justice, The Sun, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

WHEEEEEEE! Okay, honestly, whee reminds me of the Sun and what do you know, a birth tarot card lmao

Anywho, without further ado...!

The High Priestess: One thing you wish you knew

Golly, there’s a lot of stuff I wish I knew, tbh... I wish I knew a lot of stuff I didn’t have to learn the hard way these more recent years in a sense...

But, to be real, I wish I really knew if I was ever going to fall in love with the right person in my life. I know, I know, “You’re the romantic incubus, you’re going to.” But what I mean is, I wish I knew when was the right time, like, how do I know when I’ll be ready to fall in love with someone? Will it be when I feel comfortable with myself like I’m learning to? Will it be when I start bettering myself because of someone else? Will it be when I lose someone and I realize the things they brought to my life ended up making me living a life I can’t live without them? It’s... Tough. I woke up two hours ago, from an intense fever like dream and suddenly everything feels like nothing really exists. Like I’ve been dreaming for a hundred years.

And that’s what I’ve been wondering about since I woke up.

When will I know I can or will fall in love.

Granted, it’s something I feel is sort of my own recurring thing to figure out, I really wish I just... Knew, you know?

Now, if it was about a thing I wish I knew as a kid I didn’t have to now, it would be that, people are going to love me for who I am, that being bi is perfectly fine, and being my own person is nothing to hurt me. Masculinity, Femininity... They’re just perceived notions of people. No one is going to stop loving me just because I cross my legs, or because I feel personally comfortable with someone of my own gender, and the opposite gender now and again in a relationship with myself. That... That it’s okay to be who you are now, that no one’s going to tell you to be you, than yourself and your heart.

I really wish I knew that so long ago, so I could be so much happier when I was younger, but, the thing to takeaway from that now is that in the end, it’s okay. I’m learning to make my life better now, and others. That’s really all I can do. And I’m hella into it.

Strength: Something you struggle with

God, accepting myself was the first thing, learning to move on from past mistakes was another, but they’re something I’ve gotten through. Right now, it’s working past the emotional abuse my parents have put me through and learning to give myself the love they haven't. I still have to deal with the pain of looking in the mirror, and thinking: “You’re okay, you aren’t a tool. You aren’t unfeeling for bottling things up. You were just hurt. And that’s okay.” It’s also come to the point I say sorry for many things, big and small but for nigh anything. I know you’ve helped coach me not to put myself in a position in which small acts of kindness are worth gratitude in the way that I make it seem (Like, you know, saying thank you for you acting like a decent person when, I don’t consider myself that.) as well as apologizing for any little thing, but it’s still something I’m trying hard to come off on. I personally think I waste people’s time and I don't actually deserve any sort of kindness because I’m so used to vying for it instead. I’m used to watching people be happy, and I try my best to make them happy, but I can’t see myself happy. And that’s why it’s still hard for me to come off my mannerisms as “stiff”.

It’s hard because I have these doubts in my mind that when I put my hands together and I feel “stiff”, I’m that kid who sits alone during an award’s ceremony, my parents not there, and I’m walking up to the podium like a machine, and I sit back and pretend I don’t feel anything so I don't break down telling everyone I’m sorry for looking so badly.

The truth is, I’m learning to move past it. The stiffness is still there at times, but this time I have people I can trust and talk to, and people who love me for who I am. It’s really done a number on my mannerisms now, and, well, I know that this is something I can overcome sometime in the future.

The Hermit: Favourite way to spend a day alone

I like to walk and explore my town or the city when I’m alone, or curl up in bed and read a good book! Personally, I've been left alone for many a time, so I got used to the alone time by inserting myself in stories and myths I read, or by surfing the net for the latest spells to add to my grimoire. When I’m exploring, I like to window shop and maybe even do some chatting with the locals in my spot! We’re all technically neighbors in the sense that I feel perfectly fine with striking up a conversation with someone while waiting for a chai latte at Starbucks.

That said, I like to draw and write, it’s how I practice! Voice acting... Praying / meditating... Heck, even singing at times!

But the best way, I say, is when I sit down, put my favorite songs on, all light and maybe a little bit airy... And I wash my hands clean and start to organize my gemstone collection and I do the same with my pokemon card collection and coin collection too! I look through my memory box and then I start to Right after, I pull up my memory box and I end my day there.

My memory box is this lovely fake box shaped like a book that housed simple trinkets, like a keychain from my teacher when he went to London, tickets from the movies I saw with an old friend... A hand made letter from my grandpa... Those things all got into my memory box. At times, when I feel bad, I sift through them and I let myself rethink the memories I had with them.

Justice: A decision you wish you could do over

Definitely not allowing myself to really branch out and start learning more about myself. I didn’t take up any clubs in school until I was a sophomore / junior because my parents told me my grades weren’t high enough (I was an 80 student at the time because the classes were AP and Honors) and as such, clubs were a “luxury”. I ended up taking International Club with my Spanish teacher, later adoptive father figure, Martinez, and photography club in late junior club with my other spanish teacher who really got me into acknowledging myself as a real persona and my love for photography. And even art club!

Had I done that earlier, I feel like I would have so much more to give back and get on as time goes on, but in the end? I’m so glad I took them up anyhow, they’re pieces of what made me who I am today.

The Sun: Your happiest memory

Goodness, there’s some few of them I got in mind, but man...

One of them was when, I was but a young kid, no more than like 4 or 5. I visited my grandfather in his real estate office and I was just about to graduate my prekindergarten class.

Now, my grandpa looked at me like I was his pride and joy even though we weren’t related by blood. Let me tell you. This man was in his office, and I ended up coming in, and asked his assistant if he was free. Jay, his assistant, warned me that he was busy, but I told him I only wanted to just drop in and say hi. It was a lie, because I wanted me and Mr. Rudy (as we called him, he hated the name “Grandpa”) to go to have lunch at mcdonalds or white castle since it was late may and, well, who doesn’t like some fast food?

So, I knock at his door, and he opens the door to see little old me in my catholic school uniform with a tie and dress shirt and the whole shebang saying,

“Good afternoon, Mr. Rudy! How are you? Are you with a customer?” (Little me prided himself on being able to say customer and not mincing the word like when I say “renember” instead of “remember”.)

And normally you’d see his glare under his glasses and he’d be angry with you if you did disturb him, but soon as he saw me... He laughed, opened his arm and pulled me up and carried me in talking to his client at the time and sat me down on his lap while he was at his deck. I don’t recall the actual thing the client and him were discussing, but they asked who I was and my grandpa had the biggest, proudest grin on his face and he put his hand over my head, ruffled my hair and said sUPER loud “This is my son!” and little me... Man, little Chris™ was “I’m his son!” on repeat for a good hour.

We went out, to my graduation after that, and it was then my grandpa went ahead, cancelled his meetings and personally was there to watch. He took me out to celebrate at the local diner and we ended up talking endlessly about Jesus and the catholic religion as a whole because I was just learning about it all. Honestly, it was my happiest memory, because when my father and mother never once acted like one, my grandpa was there to do so, with a big smile on his face, a good stimulating chat with someone like me, and always saw me as an adult. I felt so validated for my feelings and thoughts. That memory never left me, not even to this day. He’s sadly not around anymore since he passed memorial day weekend, but in an odd sense? He left me a cross made of petrified wood and a cast iron Christ on it, with an opal rosary wrapped around it and a leather backed bible dating from the 60′s. In a sense, he’s not here anymore, but those memories, those little things we did together... They’ll never leave me.

#Thanks for asking me this David!#Really!#Wulf answers #Girafari-g-irafarig #girafari-g-irafarig

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